Tracie Ciambotti's son, Josh, and his sister Danielle on Christmas Eve, December 2010.

The first stage of the emotional cycle of deployment, according to Hooah4Health, is “Anticipation of Departure” which begins when the service member receives an order for deployment.  The increased frequency of deployments has unfortunately imprisoned military families in a constant roller coaster of emotions because the cycle never ends—stage one often begins before stage seven is completed.

When my son, Josh, returned from Iraq the end of 2009 he already knew his brigade was scheduled for Afghanistan the summer of 2011; while we transitioned into non-deployment life, the anticipation of him leaving again was always lurking. 

Josh with his wife, Alison, and mother, Tracie, coloring Easter eggs, April 2011.

As the mother of a soldier currently serving his third deployment in six years, I have learned to make the most of the months between deployments.  It’s not just taking the time it is making the time to spend every possible minute with him while he is stateside, knowing that opportunity shrinks with each passing day.  Holidays and special events shared with him are precious because they are few.  I was able to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with Josh in 2010 and we colored Easter eggs together this past April—all of which were rare events only possible because my husband and I relocated to Colorado last year.  I am very fortunate to live close to Josh’s home post now at Fort Carson; many families are not able to spend holidays with their service member even when they are not deployed because of where their loved one is serving. 

Making memories coloring Easter eggs 2011 prior to deployment.

As Josh’s deployment date drew closer, we got together for dinner every weekend when possible.  It is an emotional tug of war feeling like you can’t miss one opportunity to create another memory before he leaves—in case he doesn’t come back. 

This is a challenging stage for every member of a military family because the service member has many things to accomplish prior to being gone for a full year and the family members want to savor every minute.  The anticipation of departure for me as a mother is very different from what is experienced by a spouse.  I will share my daughter-in-law’s perspective in my next post. 

If you are a member (other than spouse) of a military family, I would love to hear your experiences with stage one.

They have chosen a prison in Thomson, Illinois, and have announced that selection.  Unfortunately, there need to be public hearings before such a decision is made by the Illinois General Assembly to sell the prison to the Federal government.  Our friend, Blue Star Mom Bev Perlson, of the Band of Mothers, is leading the charge to oppose this decision.  She is organizing a rally at 1pm on Dec. 22nd for the General Assembly Hearing at Sterling High School, 1608 4th Avenue, Sterling, Illinois in opposition to any decision to move the Gitmo detainees there.

This rally is supported by the 9/11 Never Forget Coalition!

Here she is on Fox News yesterday:

Sign the petition!

News story here!

Here is the White House background briefing, read the questions!

And the crowds await her!

Going Rogue is selling like gangbusters!

For more on the first stop of her tour go here.

She has two Army posts on her tour:  Ft. Bragg 11/23 and Ft. Hood 12/4

About Fort Hood she says:

I’m especially looking forward to meeting our brave men and women in uniform at Fort Hood. I’m joining the efforts of many others by donating my royalties from the book sales during our stop at Fort Hood to the families of the victims whose lives have been forever changed by the tragic events of November 5th. I am humbled to be able to join the larger effort called “Community Response to 11/5,” which was established by the Central Texas-Fort Hood Chapter of the Association of the US Army (AUSA). You can read more about their great efforts here: http://www.forthoodausa.org/.

Sarah already charmed New Yorkers during her appearance in Auburn, NY, earlier this year.

Now she has come out strongly in favor of Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman in his battle against a liberal and a RINO in far northern New York State.

Doug Hoffman stands for the principles that all Republicans should share: smaller government, lower taxes, strong national defense, and a commitment to individual liberty.

Republicans and conservatives around the country are sending an important message to the Republican establishment in their outstanding grassroots support for Doug Hoffman: no more politics as usual.

She joins a number of notable figures in the Conservative and Tea Party movements including Dick Armey, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin and many others in outright revolt against the NRCC and RNC who are backing the RINO candidate put forward by the dysfunctional New York Republican Party.

We previously reported on Newt Gingrich’s endorsement of the RINO and the open letter we sent.

More here, here, here and here.

To donate to Doug Hoffman go here!

First Test of Tea Party Power!

Doug Hoffman on Mark Levin Show h/t The Lonely Conservative

Tea Party Patriots in St. Louis ask GOP to “Dump Dede”!

Gingrich gets an earful from Dallas Tea Party Patriots!

Stacey McCain is blogging from Hoffman country in upstate NY!

Jennifer writes:

I am here…I traveled to Fort Drum, New York…a wonderful long drive, to visit my oldest son! I have been here since Thursday spending time with my oldest, seeing his new home and world that he now lives in. It has been amazing on so many levels to visit, as he is a man, and is the age his dad was when I married.

Our soldiers that live in the barracks(at least here) are young- under 25, and are so normal. It was like going into my sons rooms at home. The troops have posters up, and TVs, game systems, and well~ guy mess, but the thing that resonates the most with me is the youthfulness. When I went to my son’s room his roommate was playing Connect Four(a board game)…and they all were goofy to the fact that Bill’s mom came to see him and brought lots of stuff from home. It was like Christmas for everyone around as they helped carry up stuff and then laughed and looked at what I brought. Fourth made brownies for her big brother- which then was shared by all…they loved the home made goodies!

But I was reflective when I left that first day to go to the base hotel. I realized that these young folks are the heart of our land. I was humbled at how they are from every corner of the nation and that they are still crossing over to adulthood although they are men. I met many that had been to Iraq or Afghanistan more than once and I truly have no words. These troops are not harping and moaning because a cop showed up at a professors home(which by the way was the job that the policeman should do)- no these soldiers are wearing the uniform so that we have the rights of law enforcement…and even the right to act like a fanatical nut—and then suggest that your behavior is because of racism…Our troops since the formation of our land have been the paving stones to all of the rights we enjoy so much. Ponder that as you think about the case I just wrote about. No one has executed the professor or for that matter the police officer- other countries citizens are not as fortunate.

Read the whole thing here!

My Deepest Wish

[The Sealed Packet]

Right now – at this very moment, I can honestly say that what I wish more than anything in the whole world and with all my heart, selfish as it may be, is that my son would NOT have to go to war AGAIN. To deliberately go and put his life in jeopardy, goes against every grain of living breathing moral consciousness I have and it makes me sick. I keep saying over and over “I don’t want him to go – please somebody stop him. Please God – can’t YOU do anything to make this horrible deliberate action of insanity, go away? ”

This is the fourth time for him to go to war, so I have been through this before and I HATE it! Last night he gave me the ‘sealed packet’ that he was required to put together – all his important records that they (the military) require of him to fill out and his ‘will’ stating everything he owns, if something should happen to him (and we all know what that means) will be ‘willed’ to me. It gives me a huge lump in my throat just thinking about it as I take the sealed packet.  He hasn’t said it, but I know there is the ‘letter ‘ in there also – the one that is from him to me that I can read only if he doesn’t come home. I hate accepting the packet and knowing he will be putting his life on the line once again. I try not to show all the emotion I’m feeling and he tells me in as casual a way as he can – but I can tell he waited and prepared for this moment. He feels the heaviness of what is in the sealed packet and I feel it too. I am instructed to put it in a safe place and a place I will remember. “Some people tape it to the back of the freezer section of their refrigerator,” he tells me, “in case the house burns down it is less likely to catch fire there.” But he tells me it is up to me to put it anywhere I choose as long as I understand the importance of its contents and know where it is at all times. I thank him and smile but then that night; it’s hard to hold back the tears let alone go to sleep, just knowing that I HAVE TO accept the possibility of ever needing to open that sealed packet. I want to bury it and never have to look at it ever. Pretend it doesn’t exist.

Then too, the packet reminds me of the past, what I’ve been through before and I don’t LIKE being reminded.

When the time comes for him to leave, I have to be as courageous as he, because you don’t want him to remember you crying, even though the pain is searing and it’s hard to keep back the tears or possibly shaking. You hug and kiss him, wishing and wanting to never let go but you have to and finally you do. Then he bravely walks away and goes his-way and you turn and go yours but from that time forward, your life is not anywhere near normal to any degree. You carry his burden with you and the burden of all fighting soldiers on your shoulders and in your heart. You feel the weight of the word “freedom” and wonder “why” ALL Americans don’t feel it too. A dark cloud comes over you and follows you wherever you go. You will not be able to laugh again until you see his face again; it’s even hard to smile. The light has gone out, the music in the background has stopped but you go through the motions of everyday life anyway. There is no reason to wear your pierced earrings or makeup now. Everyday life seems hollow. You can’t watch television much for everything you look at becomes increasingly “STUPID”. You want to watch the news at times but it is just too close to home when they talk about the war and any more, what news is ‘good’ news anyway. There is nothing you care to hear. Most nights you aren’t able to sleep – you lay on your bed just wondering;  ”Where is he?, Is he OK?, Does he need anything?” – and – your mind doesn’t quit. It just goes on and on through the night sometimes till dawn. The only thing I know to do to help the time pass is work as alone as I can, exercise regularly, talk to good friends who understand where you are coming from (and that’s very few), and pray. I pray a lot! “God, PLEASE watch over my son, he’s your son too who loves you and is right now fighting for his country. PLEASE send your angels to guard and protect him. All things are in YOUR power and I pray for his safe return home. Help others to know YOU and for everyone to want and work for love of one another and world peace. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”

AND deep down I do understand and have to ask myself – - –

BUT who WILL defend our country so others can have the freedom of laughter? Who will stand up for what’s right so our country is not invaded with wrong? Who has the courage to fight?  Who will be brave enough that they are willing to die for their country? Who will deny themselves the right to question “why” and simply step forward, trusting their military superiors that they have ALL the information needed and therefore make intelligent decisions? Who will follow commands even when they know it leads to death?.

Will YOU? Would I? So easy to say “Well, I don’t believe in killing” so you let somebody else do it for you. (for it has to be done by somebody for us to keep our freedom that we so naively take for granted)

So easy to go about your own life filled with family and friends at church, celebrations, parties or family reunions.

So easy to forget all the lives who have already died so that you might LIVE – in FREEDOM!

I am reminded of God’s ultimate of sacrifices – His Son.

May our roots of caring go deep – THAT deep.

May our hearts and minds be attentive to truth – God’s truth.

May we never forget.  May we live in appreciation and then in hope. May we worship our GOD who cares and controls – even in time of war.

 (But does it change my feelings now?

NO, – I STILL wish more than anything, that my son did NOT have to go to war.)