I know Harry, I know

(That last step may not be accurate but let’s not let the truth get in the way of a good story)

Now comes the fun part – speculation! Speculation is a blogger’s best friend so let us grab our BFF by the hand and waltz into the mires of potential trades that the Vancouver Canucks General Manager Mike Gillis could execute in order to rid his team of the tyranny of the best goaltender that the franchise has ever known.

Let’s run through a list of potential destinations for Bobby Lu and list what the Canucks could get back in return, starting with the Columbus Blue Jackets.

Team: Columbus Blue Jackets 

Check out The Dark Blue Jacket, click the photo yo!

Worst trade possible for the Canucks

Luongo to Columbus for Jack Johnson, Steve Mason and Taylor Ellington

Pretty grim on the surface and it keeps getting darker if you dig a little deeper. Sure Jack Johnson can score the odd goal but in him the Canucks would get yet another left handed shot on the blue line and yet another defensemen who is totally iffy in his own end. The Steve Mason story is the stuff of goalie lore now, but the one positive for the Canucks having Mason would be the sage advice he could give Cory Schneider when his play skids down the gutter and into the drain after such a good start to his career. Mason’s been there, done that and he could at least make sure Schneider is wearing the right sized pads. And of course, just when the Canucks finally got rid of Taylor Ellington and his silly contract, they get him right back. No thanks.

Best trade possible for the Canucks

Luongo, Ballard and Raymond to Columbus for Rick Nash and the 2012 1st round pick.

Not only do the Canucks end the evil reign of the Overlord Bobby Lu, they shed a bad contract and a bad player AND get a star in return AND the chance to draft a star with the 2nd overall pick in this year’s draft. Booyah.

Alright, let’s get serious for a moment

Columbus is a little closer to Florida but I highly doubt that is enough to make Luongo willing to play there. He wants to win a cup and the perennial re-build going on at the Blue Jackets is not something I can see him being a part of. Also, no way in hell I want Nash wearing the blue and green with that contract. Yech.

Team: Tampa Bay Lightning

Check out Sports Demotivation - click the photo!

Worst trade possible for the Canucks

Luongo to Tampa Bay for Ryan Malone and a bag of pucks.

Oooo controversy. I know there’s a few Canucks fans out there that want Malone on their team but I, ladies and gents, am not one of them. We’re talking about a guy whose play is nothing like it was when he was a Penguin, a guy who should be a top 6 forward but has struggled to reach 20 goals the past couple of years and a guy who has a $4.5 mill cap hit for the next 3 years. We already have David Booth so no thank you sir. Still, that bag of pucks could come in handy at practice…

Best trade possible for the Canucks

Anything that involves Victor Hedman coming back the other way.

Yeah he’s another lefty but Hedman is big, strong and scary and is still only 21 years old. Plus he’s from the same town as the Sedins, so maybe he could form some kind of weird Swedish chemistry with them. I’m a huge Hedman fan and I would love to see him patrol the Canucks blue line like some kind of Norse demi-god. Plus he’s signed at a reasonable cap hit for the next 5 years. $4 mill per – that’s good for a demi-god.

Alright, let’s get serious for a moment

Tampa Bay is the most obvious destination for Luongo. It’s close to home and unlike the Florida Panthers they can actually afford him. Also unlike the Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay has no decent goaltender waiting in the wings. Still, you have to wonder what they can give the Canucks in return. Malone could be a factor but I doubt Gillis wants him as it gives no cap relief and Malone is getting old – don’t forget Gillis wants young players. Yzerman won’t give up Hedman for Luongo, or anyone else for that matter, so, what exactly can the Lightning throw in to make a deal possible? Picks? Brett Connelly? Oooo, now that’s a juicy prospect – home grown boy on the Canucks? BC would explode.

Team: Toronto Maple Leafs

Yeah, I would hide in shame too

Worst trade possible for the Canucks

Luongo to Toronto for Mike Komisarek

Need I even speak about this. I would demand Gillis’ head for this one.

Best trade possible for the Canucks

Luongo to Toronto for Luke Schenn, Nazem Kadri and that 2012 1st round pick

Oooo… yet another controversial one. Luke Schenn is much maligned but I see potential there for the Canucks. Big defensemen, gritty, right handed shot, still very young (22 years old, yo). If anyone could groom him into the best player he can be then it would be Rick Bowness. Kadri has a lot of offensive upside and he could, theoretically, be the center the Canucks need on the 2nd unit power play. And that 1st round pick would be plenty good too please.

Alright, let’s get serious for a moment

I can’t see Luongo jumping from the Vancouver frying pan into the Toronto fire. If he is human, which I assume he is (unlike Victor Hedman), he would not want all the negativity in his life any more. He’s the best goaltender in Canucks history and he’s being run out of town – the same will happen in Toronto unless he can backstop them to a Stanley Cup and let’s face it, the Leafs won’t win a Cup in Lu’s lifetime, let alone his playing career. But let’s say for a minute that Luongo would be willing to take on the challenge of playing for the Maple Leafs. Schenn is a realistic trade piece, Kadri probably isn’t and that 1st round pick will be held onto by Brian Burke like it was the key to Fort Knox after the fiasco that was the Kessel trade. I’m not sure that the Leafs have much the Canucks would actually want so the trade could be difficult to complete.

Finally, the big one, the one that I want Mike Gillis to execute above all else – the mystical 3 way trade.

Teams: Columbus Blue Jackets and Nashville Predators (can you see where I’m headed with this?)

The trade

Luongo, Ballard & Raymond to Columbus for Rick Nash

Rick Nash to Nashville for the rights to Shea freakin’ Weber

Even Shea thinks that one is out there

By Josh Hall

“Hotbed (gardening), a pile of decaying organic matter warmer than its surrounding due to the heat given off by the metabolism of the microorganisms in the decomposing pile”

“Hotbed (economics), a situation conducive to rapid growth or development”

It’s become quite unclear in recent days as to which of these applies to the situation Roberto Luongo finds himself in, playing for the Vancouver Canucks.

Not that I think Luongo should be blamed for the loss to the Rangers, but the way some “fans” criticize Bobby Lu is worse than how you would turn your nose to a pile of decaying matter.

There is no doubt in my mind that Luongo is strong mentally. He had an entire country on his shoulders in February 2010 and whether you like it or not, backed that team to a gold medal.

The Italian Stallion made arguably the save of his life on Patrick Sharp in Overtime of Game 7 against Chicago this past April.

Finally, #1 had not one, but TWO shutouts in the Stanley Cup Finals. The guy’s no cerebral assassin (begging Triple H not to sue), but he has been around the block. Yes, he forgot to pick up the milk at the corner store, but hopefully there will be more opportunities to come.

The thing is, despite Luongo’s apparent mental fortitude, based on all of the above, he seems to lack that confidence every October that anyone should have if they’re getting paid 7 Million Dollars. I’m not going to argue about player salaries and say that Lu is overpaid. I’ve always maintained that players getting millions is just the nature of the beast that is professional sports. That being said, it still doesn’t make much sense that Luongo can play so fantastically from November to June (every 2^nd game), but play like decaying matter in October. There’s no denying he’s been uncharacteristically flaily so far, and that he seems to lay like a frog on the ice every time an opponent is in close. He needs to work those kinks out and I know he will. Will everything be fixed tomorrow? Nope! One must have patience and most people in Vancity don’t have that.

Vancouver is often described as a hockey hotbed and there’s no denying that. The problem with that is that one day, those “fans” I mentioned, are going to run Luongo out of town. Sure, Lu is a Canadian kid, and any Canadian player would say it’s a dream come true to play in a Canadian city; but if Luongo waived his no trade clause tomorrow and asked to be traded back to Florida or somewhere a team doesn’t belong, I honestly could not blame him. He is a human being people. I dare someone to tell me they don’t have bad days at work; and money is relative. The abuse Luongo takes is ridiculous and it’s borderline criminal. “Fans” treat him like…well do I have to go back to the decaying matter thing again? It’s true. It really is.

Take a look at the other definition of hotbed. “A situation conducive to rapid growth and development.”

The environment Luongo plays in every October is not conducive to development. Last night in the media scrum he was asked if he heard the jeers when he went to collect the puck in the slot. There couldn’t be a dumber question. The media doesn’t help. Luongo answered by saying he has ears. Can I blame him for being sarcastic? NO! Look, whether you like it or not, Luongo is the best goalie we have ever had. He IS better than Captain Kirk. He IS better than Richard Brodeur. He IS better than Dan Cloutier. Forget fans outside of Vancouver who razz Luongo, he gets razzed worse by people in his own city. It’s not like the section of the crowd that gave Lu the Bronx cheer was all NYR or Chicago Blackhawks fans.

I will say it again: if the people of this city who claim to be “fans” of this team cannot see how obviously a game like last night was not Luongo’s fault at all, we can all say Arrivederci to our former Captain and Olympic Gold Medallist goaltender. Frankly, I’ll offer right now to buy Luongo lunch to say sorry on behalf of all real Canucks fans when he does buy that plane ticket out of here.

Follow Up post: “5 Reasons to Keep Roberto Luongo” on NWSPORTSBEAT.COM

Playoff hockey is finally upon us, so grow out that mullet or beard or both (if you really want to be female-repellent) and get ready to witness some of the most intense and exciting competition since the 2011 NCAA women’s basketball tournament (just kidding). This year the defending Stanley Cup champion Blackhawks squeezed through the regular season on the last day to capture the eight seed in the Western Conference, thanks to our friends in Minnesota.

This will be the third year in a row that the Blackhawks have to face the Vancouver Canucks, but the first time they will face in the Conference Quarterfinals in the history of the two franchises. The Hawks have annihilated the ‘Nucks’ cup chances in the semifinals both years. But can they do it once more, as an eight seed?

The Forwards

When it comes to making stupid faces on the ice, Toews wins eleven times out of ten.

The Hawks will no doubt have their hands full with the Canucks’ top six forwards. After all, the Canucks do boast the number one offense in the NHL, scoring the most goals total and having the best power play to go with it. Staying out of the box should be the Hawks main priority, considering we have one of the worst penalty kills in the league (25th ranked). The Canucks first line will look like D. Sedin-H. Sedin-Burrows, followed by Higgins-Kesler-Samuelsson.  Besides Higgins, we’ve seen this before. A little too much, in fact. The weird twins did a switch-a-roo this year, one year removed from Henrik winning both the Art Ross and Hart trophies, Daniel looks set to win at least one, if not both this year. Cute, huh? The setup is the same as always, Henrik sets up Daniel for the goals, while Alex Burrows acts like a girl and pulls hair. Jokes aside, this top line scored 86 goals this year, with 41 coming from Daniel Sedin alone. Look for Toews’ line (barring a Dave Bolland comeback) to try and stop this monster, coupled with the Seabrook-Keith defensive pairing. The “Keithbrook” pairing will need to play its best hockey of the year, and stop the weird twins from controlled puck possession, because this will lead to goals against us.

From left to right: Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin

Moving to the second line, the Hawks will have to deal with, arguably, the best two-way center in the NHL in Ryan Kesler. Kesler not only wins faceoffs, gets takeaways, and agitates, but he can score too. He put up 41 goals this year, making his case for the Selke trophy once again. There’s no doubt that coach Alain Vigneault will try and employ Kesler out to stifle and agitate the Hawks’ number one line in Sharp-Toews-Kane. If Dave Bolland can return by the first round, he’ll probably do his best Kesler impression and take on the Nucks’ top line. Kesler’s wings Samuelsson and Higgins don’t look to provide much of a threat, but besides Hossa, can Frolik and Stalberg equal or do more damage than Versteeg and Byfuglien did last year? Most definitely not.

The Canucks’ bottom six forwards don’t look favorable compared to the Hawks’ bottom six. Besides the speedy Mason Raymond, Kopecky, Bickell, and Brouwer shouldn’t have any problems bodying and out-muscling the Canucks’ last two lines. If this is where some of the Hawks’ goals come from, then so be it.

I hate to admit it, but it does look like the Hawks’ don’t stack up to the Canucks’ forwards as well as they did last year. The offseason liquidation the Hawks had may be the deciding factor in the series if the defense can’t hold up. As most remember, Byfuglien was the X-factor in the series last year, drawing penalties and scoring goals down low. The Hawks did not acquire any talents close to what Byfuglien/Versteeg brought to the team last year.

Advantage: Canucks

The Defense

"As soon as I let go I'm punching you square in the face"

Going from +28 to a -1 since last season only makes my mind boggle when looking at Duncan Keith. Keith had absolutely immaculate play in the Stanley Cup Playoffs last season and has been somewhat of a disappointment this year. There will be no room whatsoever for stupid mistakes against the Canucks, because they’ll make you pay. Seabrook has been okay this season. The bright side is that both have shown durability and toughness by playing all 82 games. On the opposing end, the Canucks’ top pairing on the blue line is composed of Dan Hamhuis, who we lit up last year when he was on the Predators, and the always-testy Kevin Bieksa, who never ceases to find an opportunity to run his mouth. Hamhuis plays much like Duncan Keith, not much physicality but methodical in his defensive stick work on opponents to go with smooth skating. Neither Hamhuis or Bieksa are gifted offensively, but the Canucks offense is more than sufficient to make up for their defensemen’s offensive capabilities.

The Canucks second pairing of defense is where it gets scary. Christian Ehrhoff and Alex Edler both have matured and have played phenomenal hockey this year. Also, as said before, we don’t have forwards like Byfuglien and Ladd to rough these kids up anymore. These two might cause us the most trouble. Hjalmarsson and Campbell’s soup should be solid, although they haven’t did anything special this year. We can only hope Campbell doesn’t cough up the puck and is able to stay back on defense when we need him.

The last pairing of Canucks is the testicle-lacking Sami Salo and Aaron Rome. The Hawks’ last lines should be able to crush these guys to the puck, considering Salo plays softer than Cottonelle for his 6-3 frame. I have no idea who the heck Rome is, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s replaced by Keith Ballard, whose play reminds me of dog poo so far this year. Campoli and Leddy make up a serviceable pair for the Hawks. Campoli is proven, but Leddy will, at times, have me nearly soiling my pants. Considering he’s a 20 year old rookie, he’s bound to make some mistakes, so I can’t ask for much from him.

Advantage: Hawks by a hair

The Goaltending

Hopefully he doesn't play as nice as his hair looks

In the NHL Playoffs, nothing is more important than good goaltending. A super hot goaltender can single handedly lead a team to a Cup, and the Canucks are fortunate to have a pretty damn good one. If not for Brett Favre Tim Thomas over there in Boston, Bobby Lu may have locked himself up a Vezina trophy. Luongo is having his best year of his career to date, winning 38 games, allowing only 2.11 goals against per game, and holding a .928 save percentage, placing him in the top three in the NHL for those three categories. Unfortunately for the Hawks, we don’t have a big black guy to stand in front of him and harass him all game long, and that’s a problem. The Hawks will have to shoot low and force Luongo to give up rebounds like no other, because he’s been pretty unstoppable all year. However, if you can score early and get into his head, you may be able to score in bunches, as the Hawks did in their 7-1 victory over the Canucks early in the regular season (4 goals scored against Luongo).

Fortunately, goaltending for the Hawks is not as big of a question mark as it was going into the playoffs last year with Antti Niemi. Unfortunately, we don’t have the stalwart defense to bail our goalie out like last year, so the kid named Crawford will have to fend on his own. In his first full year in the NHL, Crawford is one of two goalies (next to Vezina-bound Tim Thomas) to win 30 games in less than 60 appearances (he has 57 appearances) and is 7th in the league with a 2.30 goals against average. Crawford will have to get hot and stand on his head if the Hawks want to see the semifinals.

Advantage: Canucks

Special Teams

The Canucks are the clear victor when it comes down to special teams. Their number one rank in power play and number three rank in penalty kill are main reasons why they are possibly the best team in the NHL. The Blackhawks have a 23.1% power play, ranking them fourth best in the NHL, but are absolutely pitiful on the penalty kill, ranking 25th in the league. As said before, staying out of the box and getting opposing players in the box will be the key to winning the series.

Advantage: Canucks

Coaching

Without that 'stache we would go nowhere

Joel Quenneville Stanley Cups = 1

Alain Vigneault Stanley Cups = 0

Advantage: Hawks

Theme Music

Even though this song kind of sucks, it’s fitting for the Hawks. We may have snuck into the playoffs by a hair, but nothing’s “Over” yet.

Predictions

Although we are an eight seed and they are a one seed, the numbers mean absolutely zilch in hockey. Since 1994, eights have beat ones in the first round almost 30% of the time. Hockey is a game of consistency in the playoffs, and the team with the consistent goaltending will likely go deep in the playoffs.

This series is bound to be a tug-of-war, like previous series. I don’t see either team winning outright, so this will definitely go to either six or seven games. The Hawks know these guys pretty well, but ultimately I don’t see them advancing without the depth that they had to ship out in the offseason last year. I’m not giving the Canucks a huge advantage, but it’s more than likely that they will win with virtually the same team that they had last year. On the bright side, the Hawks are still one of the youngest NHL teams and will compete for the Cup for at least the next decade, if not longer.

Series Winner: Canucks in seven

Hawks MVP: Patrick Sharp

Canucks MVP: Ryan Kesler

Hopefully the Hawks prove me dead wrong.