Close Protection

Corporations, Small Businesses and Private individuals face an ever-increasing threat from terrorists, criminals, racists and the mentally unstable. When a situation such as kidnapping, assassination, blackmail, industrial espionage and publicity arises, the need for Close Protection is paramount.

Security trained Chauffeurs and Security Drivers are an important part of any Close Protection team. Not only being able to transport the client from one place to another, but they are also trained to react quickly and safely to move the client out of immediate danger if a situation should arise.

Surveillance and Counter Surveillance

Our surveillance services are employed in Corporate, Individual and Legal information gathering such as marital disputes, fraud and counter industrial espionage. Our personnel are highly skilled in physical & electronic surveillance techniques, using the latest in state of the art technology and communication equipment. We can undertake surveillance operations ranging from static covert surveillance to teams of mobile operatives, with the ability to gather information from a wide array of sources such as voice recorders, camcorders, digital photography and others.

Protective surveillance is often used for sensitive situations such as the protection of spouses and children, where the overt attention of a Close Protection officer or team would not be conducive to their lifestyles or especially for at-risk teenagers who do not wish for their friends and peers to know that they are being protected.

Security specialists such as Close Protection and Executive Protection officers are often referred to as “Bodyguards”,  but the modern day Close Protection officer needs to be more than just the old fashioned “Bodyguard”. Executives and Media personalities no longer tolerate the stereotypical untrained “giant” when it comes to personal safety. Requiring their personal security operatives to be well mannered, intelligent and able to discreetly deal with any situation should it arise.

Published by: ABP World Group International executive protection services

Close Protection Agent, Mr. Charles Mallice from IAPPA – Middle East provided security to Aerosmith during their visit to the UAE.

Mr. Mallice is Technical Director and Consultant in IAPPA, he also own and runs the UAE based Security Consultancy ADSECC that operates all over the world.

Close Protection in the UAE provided in association with Aerosmith security team during stay and concert in the UAE. (private picture)

For more information about ADSECC and IAPPA please feel free to contact us. CNN was on the spot as well during the event (full story here)

A civilian bodyguard armed with just an assault rifle and a walkie-talkie gave his life after fighting the Taleban for more than 90 minutes when they stormed his guesthouse in Kabul in an attack which left at least a dozen people dead last week.

IAPPA Member and UN Close Protection Agent, Mr Smolcic survived the cowardless attack

Read the full story here

ADSECC provided security for the New Zealand and Pakistan Cricket Teams in the UAE.

IAPPA CPA, Mr. Charles Mallice from ADSECC

Mr. Mallice from ADSECC is certified as a security consultant by the ICC and has provided security for many matches in The Middle East

i was wrong.
and it´s one of the rare occasions for me to enjoy admitting it.
i thought that it would be a boring weekend and that the old mando times are long gone.
they´re not.
the good old fans are gone. the silly ones took over.
but mando still gave me the feeling that i always get when i attend their gigs.
it´s a shame that i couldn´t afford a ticket for the second gig. but at least i had the chance to enjoy the soundcheck. better than nothing.
…
as wrong as i was, i was right as well.
about the dumb as f*uck “VIPs”. i mean, ooooooh.aaaaaaaaaam.geeeeee.!! they weren´t even allowed to take more than one picture. are you kidding me? they paid 150€ for nothing. all they received was exactly the same thing that others received for free. oh well… they got a vinyl. which i already got. and a free, few minutes long acoustic gig. which… uhm… isn´t worth 150€ in my opinion.
oh how fun it was to laugh about those idiots.
and how much fun it was to get into the venue before everyone else. with bodyguards leading the way.
lovely.

and all the love i’ve got in here . you’ve just killed you peasants didn’t even care. the love i had in store you raped for more. and all the dreams i had in here you’ve just stolen you peasants didn’t even care

Bring on Pompey! I was beginning to lose my mind and developed writers block, but a lot has come up over the past few weeks which needed a bit of a recap. Some funny stuff and some on the senseless end of things.

Bodyguards for ‘Arry

I laughed when I read this. Were they being serious? I guess there will be a lot of hostility towards ‘Arry for leaving Pompey the way that he did and for taking 3 of their best players with him. With all due respect to Pompey fans, Defoe, Crouch and Kranjcar were leaving whether it was for Spurs or any other team. You can’t blame them as there hasn’t been stability at the club for quite some time. Was reading an interesting article on the blog THBN, and the post was about how players should celebrate when they score against their old teams. I can understand Crouchie and Kranjcar not wanting to overly celebrate (hopefully they both score today), but I think Defoe should definitely celebrate. He wore lilywhite before ever playing for Portsmouth.

The alcoholic Brazilian

Adriano to Spurs? No thanks. I can name a few reasons why. The guy might have one of the most powerful left footed strikes in football but he also has a real problem with overconsumption of alcohol. We all know folks that alcoholics and ‘Arry don’t mix like wine and Coke. Fluctuations in his weight, inconsistency in match fitness levels, mood swings and temper tantrums are some of the things we would have to deal with. Worst of all, these behavioral issues were during his Inter Milan days, a Champions League side. A close friend of mine is a die hard Inter fan and I am sure he would say the same thing: say no to Adriano!

Pav

Direct swap for Huntelaar? I don’t believe it. I do think Pav is leaving in January even though I really don’t want to see him go. Does that mean we’ll be in for another striker in the window? Probably. But who?

Rest well, dear friend!

Tricia passed on this morning. She was one of my first 4 dogs that I brought home when I first came to Uganda. It was just like yesterday when I answered to an advert on the supermarket wall, saying that they had young German shepherd puppies for sale.

When I went there the following morning, I saw 8 puppies running around. 4 caught my eyes and Tricia was one of them. Paid my deposit and collected them 3 weeks later because the owner wanted to make sure they had reached 12 weeks before they were separated from their mother. Imagine if they were to know their destiny, how sad it will be for them

According to the calculation, Tricia should be 63 years old when she left. The doctor did a postmortem on her and she was diagnosed with liver cancer. She had been very strong last few months for I did not noticed anything peculiar in her daily activities. It was only 1 week ago that I saw her struggling to walk on her hinds. This had happened to her other siblings and they recovered. She did not make it.

Just 2 days back, she lost her appetite and show signs of giving up. Initially I thought she had indigestion or worms. So I contacted my vet and he came and gave her vitamins and antibiotics jabs. Nothing changed.

By evening time, she was already lying sideways and had difficulty in breathing. I carried her to the verandah and gave her milk which she did not responded well. It was getting cold outside and I brought her into the house. At least she will stay warm.

Come this morning when I went to see her, she had already passed on.

Looking back, I can say Tricia is really a fine guard dog. She was obedient and intelligent. She gave me many happy memories and puppies too. Most of them were given away to friends.

Writing this passage had also made me realized that I could had given them more love and tender care. They are really man’s best friend.

Working as an escort has many satisfactions to offer. We are talking about the opportunity to find yourself in the company of unique ladies, elegant and refined above anything else. Having an escort job comes with numerous implications as well, but there will be nothing that you cannot handle. Escort jobs are widely available over the Internet, so you will probably find something to suit your personal preferences and needs in a matter of minutes.

The tastes of the female client have become more diverse and sophisticated in the past few years, the demand for mature and professional escorts increasing accordingly. If you want to get an escort job, then you will have to prove perfect manners, elegance and capability of adapting to new situations. Escort jobs are offered to witty and handsome gentlemen, so you might want to figure out if you fit the requirements of the escort agency first. The good news is that an escort job is extremely well paid, giving you the chance to meet a lot of interesting ladies and become their intimate acquaintances. Plus, you get to accompany them at important social events, business events and dinner parties.

An escort job requires that you are motivated, willing to meet the expectations of the customer and experienced at handling even the most difficult situation. Keep in mind that the service you will provide as an escort has to be professional, without stepping over the limit and always in touch with the demands of the client. Escort jobs are not for anyone and this probably the reason why professional escorts are paid so handsomely.

Sophisticated female clients prefer being accompanied by escorts with experience, gentlemen that know how to make a woman feel good and capable of maintaining the conversation to a lively level. An escort job presumes from the start to be open-minded, ready to meet new people and show them your best qualities. Escort jobs need to be treated with extreme seriousness, the satisfaction of the customer being of course the most important thing to consider. Male escorts are invited to register on the website of professional escort agencies, offering all the necessary information and photographs for potential female customers to see. Once the portfolio is added to the database, that model is available for any escort job.

Male companions or escort cater to different ladies who require such specific services. For them, it is not important the event they attend but the quality of the companionship offered. Getting an escort job is rewarding not only from a financial point of view but also from a personal perspective, broadening ones horizons and contributing to individual growth. Escort jobs differ from one person to the other, male escorts being hired as companions to different events, for temporary periods of time or when that person is traveling to a foreign city. There are no romantic expectations from a male escort and often times, the most important thing that an escort job presumes is an unpredictably witty conversation!

Being beautiful is not always an advantage. Actress Keira Knightley felt it on her skin, after being attacked on the street by a man.
The 24 years old actress was keen to share her experience with fans on Twitter a while ago. Keira claims that she was attacked by a man on the street and she only escaped unharmed because of her bodyguards who were very prompt and cooled down the ardent admirer.

The Mirror, Vol. 13, No. 633

“Again, the president of the Human Rights Party, Mr. Kem Sokha, encouraged speeding up the merging of the two opposition parties, the Human Rights Party and the Sam Rainsy Party. The president of the Human Rights Party said that the merger should be made as soon as possible, because Khmer people in the country and abroad want to see these two opposition parties of Cambodia to merge to become one strong party to defeat the party with communist tendencies which is ruling the country.

“Mr. Kem Sokha told reporters during a press conference Tuesday evening [6 October 2009] that within half a year (of National Assembly vacations), he had visited Canada, the United States, and Europe. At every place he went to he met Khmer people, and they always asked one most important question: whether democrats can unite or not, and why not. The Human Rights Party responded by telling what this party has done so far.

“Mr. Kem Sokha added that Khmer people in the country and abroad answered instead of him that if we do not unite, we will lose, but if we unite we will win. ‘This is the answer from people for us, for democrats and patriots, to consider.’ Mr. Kem Sokha added, ‘The Human Rights Party and the Sam Rainsy Party made a joint statement on 15 January 2009 at the Sam Rainsy Party headquarters, but we see that so far, we have not achieved anything, while people are waiting to see the creation of a movement, a democratic movement for change, where two parties come together.’ But when people asked what progress was made, he could not tell them anything. He said, ‘But we established a working team for discussion, where each party has four members. The members from the Sam Rainsy Party are Mr. Son Chhay, Mr. Yim Sovann, Mr. Kim Suophirith, and Ms. Mu Sochua, and the members from the Human Rights Party are Mr. Nhem Bonharith, Mr. Ou Chanrith, Mr. Keat Sokun, and Mr. Chour Chung. There have been eight meetings already, but no progress has been made. That is why people are concerned, and they encourage that there should be significant progress made, in order to provide them hope. He went on to say, ‘The Human Rights Party calls on all political parties and patriots to join, to sit down and discuss to organize the conditions and political policies to create a new party, to participate in the next elections. We think that we have to sit down together to discuss, and if all of us claim that we are democrats and want change, we need to win the elections. We cannot win the elections unless we merge. If not, we will not win. If we do not merge, we do it to lose. And if we want to win, we have to merge.’

“Mr. Kem Sokha said that there is no official response yet. The meeting has not received a response: which points are acceptable and which points are not. He said, ‘We still maintain the same stance. And we make another appeal to other parties to continue to negotiate. The Sam Rainsy Party did not respond anything to us. We want to merge to create a new party or an ally for others. We want the new party to be created based on democracy, but not based on any individuals, and want to stop individual power; we also suggest to limit some terms, but this is not a condition set by the Human Rights Party.’

“Yesterday, the Human Rights Party released a statement to express its position to create alliances with other political parties finally towards a merger.

“The statement said that the Human Rights Party thinks that it is the right time for democrats to meet and to discuss transparently, prioritizing the fate of the nation, to consider creating a new party following requests of Khmer citizens, after we have created a democratic movement for change on 15 January 2009. About one year after the fourth term elections, there have been concerns over the political situation, about integrity, freedom of expression, the economy, and social problems in the Kingdom of Cambodia which are problematic. Based on direct visits by Human Rights Party leaders in many communes in the country and abroad, many Khmer compatriots who love democracy, ask the Khmer political parties and the politicians who claim that they are patriots and democrats, to unite to create a new party to win the next elections.

“‘The Human Rights Party would like to stress again its position to inform the public that the Human Rights Party is already prepared to merge with other politicians, parties, and patriots to create a new political party with democracy as its basis.’” Sereypheap Thmey, Vol.17, #1702, 7.10.2009

Newspapers Appearing on the Newsstand:
Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Deum Ampil, Vol.3, #304, 7.10.2009

• The Bank of Investment and Development of Vietnam Wants to Invest to Develop the Stock Exchange in Cambodia
• The Hong Kong Trade Development Council: US$10 Million for the Promotion of Cambodian Companies

Kampuchea Thmey, Vol.8, #2065, 7.10.2009

• Doctors Saved the Live of a Girl [through an operation], but Her Mother Died of A/H1N1 [the number of deaths in Cambodia increased to three - Phnom Penh]
• Because His Wife Has a Mental Disorder, a Man Raped His Daughter since She Was 9 Years Old [now she is 16, and the man was arrested - Phnom Penh]

Khmer Machas Srok, Vol.3, #503, 7.10.2009

• The UN Secretary General: Urbanization without Clear Planning Forces Millions of People to Face Hazards
• Different Civil Society Leaders Expressed Different Ideas about the Creation of a Bodyguard Commanding Office of [Prime Minister] Hun Sen [an official of the Cambodian Human Rights and Development Association (ADHOC), Mr. Chan Soveth, said that it will help control bodyguards of Prime Minister Hun Sen and halt people from pretending to be his bodyguards for their own personal interest, while officials of the Cambodian League for the Promotion and Defense of Human Rights, Mr. Oum Sam Ath, said that disorder will continue to exist, if this new unit is not controlled properly]

Koh Santepheap, Vol.42, #6772, 7.10.2009

• Clarifying Statement Responding to the Accusation that the Government Implements a Policy to Evict Citizens by Force [the Council of Minister explained that it does not relate to "evictions" but to temporary "relocation" of citizens]
• North Korea Plans to Resume Multilateral Talk Again

Phnom Penh Post, Vol.1, #20, 7.10.2009

• Cambodia Increases Budget for Development [from US$82 million in 2009 to US$100 million for 2010]
• UNDP: The Quality of Life Index of Cambodian People Drops by Six Points [among 182 countries to 137th, below Congo, but above Burma]
• 500 Workers Protested at the Ministry of Labor [demanding the ministry to intervene after 1,000 workers had been dismissed illegally by the Sky High Factory - Phnom Penh]

Rasmei Kampuchea, Vol.17, #5014, 7.10.2009

• Sam Rainsy Party Parliamentarians Asked to Exclude Articles Related to Defamation, Insulting, and Distortion [from the Penal Code draft], but It Was Rejected by the National Assembly
• Siem Reap Plans to Spend Riel 3,000 Million [approx. US$750,000] to Restore Roads after the Flood Receded
• Japan Will Increase Official Development Aid for Cambodia by 40% [for 2009]
• In September 2009 36 People Were Killed in Traffic Accidents in Phnom Penh
• Working in Japan One Can Earn Much Income, but There Are Not Many Khmer Workers There [a worker can earn up to Yen 70,000 per month, approx. US$700; no total number of Khmer workers in Japan is given]

Sereypheap Thmey, Vol.17, #1702, 7.10.2009

• Mr. Kem Sokha Encourages Merger between the Human Rights Party and the Sam Rainsy Party

Have a look at the last editorial – you can access it directly from the main page of the Mirror.
And please recommend us also to your colleagues and friends.

Back to top

This article originally from chinesegirl

Li Yi Chun now is a new idol for China Mainland. Li Yi Chun (李宇春) or Chris Lee is a Chinese Pop Singer, model, and actress who got a huge and instant success after won Chinese singing contest Super Girl 2005.

Chris Lee is now working with Taihe Rye Music and released her first album The Queen and the Dream in September 2006. Her second album titled Mine was released in early November 2007, and her third album, Youth of China was released in May 2008. She will appear in the 2010 film Bodyguards and Assassins.

Li Yi Chun has her own unique style, like a male hair sytle. She doesn’t has a beautiful feminim face like other sweet chinese actress. But Li Yuchun made the cover of Time Magazine Asia special issue, October 2005, named as one of “Asia’s Heroes”. Her first single was “Sweetheart, I Love You” (Chinese: 甜蜜的, 我爱你), recorded during the time when she was on Super Girl.

Li Yihun now is one of chinese successful actress including Xu Jing Lei, Gao Yuan Yuan, Crystal Liu Yi Fei, Zhang Zi Yi, Fan Bing Bing, Li Bing Bing, and Tang Wei.

Li Yi Chun Profile :

Name: Li Yuchun, Chris
Chinese name: 李宇春
DOB: March 10, 1984
Birth place: Chengdu, Sichuan, China
Height: 174cm
Blood type: A
Profession: Singer

(Also known as Yuchun Li, Chris Lee, Li Yu Chun)

Li Yuchun Photos and pictures collection :

Würge-Attacke Erdogan rastet aus und würgt 13 jährigen Jungen

Als Erdogans Bus vorbeirollt, ruft der Junge: “Allah wird dich bei den Wahlen bestrafen!”

Der Premier schickt Leibwächter los, um ihn aus der Menge zu pflücken – so berichten es Mehmet und sein Anwalt Kemal Aytac später. Die Männer schleppen den Jungen vor den Premier.

Der packt Mehmet mit links am Nacken. Erdogan, ein kräftiger Zwei-Meter-Mann, drückt zu. “Was hast du gesagt?”, herrscht er den Jungen an.

Der wiederholt seinen Satz. Und fügt hinzu: “Ich mag dich nicht.” “Lasst ihn laufen”, sagt Erdogan zu den Leibwächtern. Die Bodyguards aber schleifen Mehmet zur Polizei. Auf dem Weg durch die Menge sei er geschlagen worden, sagt Mehmet später. Auch ein Leibwächter habe ihn misshandelt.

Zitat

Quelle: Rheinische Post

zuletzt aktualisiert: 12.09.2009 – 02:30

http://nachrichten.rp-online.de/article/politik/Wuerge-Affaere-um-tuerkischen-Premier/51633

Der vorbestrafte Islamist Erdogan und sein bester Freund SPD Gas Gerd

This 21 year old man “Nichkhun Horvejkul” from Thailand is definitely not ordinary! As a member of Korean boyband 2PM, Nichkhun is gaining wide popularity in the world of K-Pop.

His fame shocked some of Thailand’s famous stars and members of the Thai press at his recent appearance “Siam Paragon World Watch & Jewelery 2009″ when Nichkhun participated in the runway.

At Paragon, whereever you see Nichkhun you will hear the loud screams of fan girls following him all around the shopping complex while Khun is guided by 8-12 bodyguards escorting him from the moment he stepped out of his car. The guards watched over his security and walked him everywhere, even to his dressing room. Meanwhile famous Thai stars like “Nat Myria, Dome Pakorn, Dunk Punkorn, Jo Nuvo, Noon Warranuch, Pei Panward, R The Star” and even former Miss Universe such as Nathalie Glebova have to make thier own way to the dressing room.

When Nichkhun needed to use the bathroom, 8-12 bodyguards rushed around the vicinity to suss out the location and make sure no one else is using it before they will let Khun go in to do his business while the gaurds stood outside for protection. Meanwhile, the other celebrities have to go to the bathroom at their own risk.At the end of the function, every other celebrity walk to the lift and into the Parking lot on thier own, but Nichkhun gets a special transfer in a golf cart that takes him straight to his car.

The amount of security that Nichkhun received at the event is the same level of security provided to extreme VIP’s. Some of Thailand’s most famous names are not even getting the same treatment!

source: daradaily
Translations; dirtilaundry

From MSNBC.com:

By Ree Hines

msnbc.com contributor

updated 8:10 p.m. CT, Mon., Aug 3, 2009

The streets of New York City just aren’t safe for “Twilight’s” leading man, Robert Pattinson. It seems throngs of female fans eager to get a glimpse or maybe even a grab of the man behind the vamp pose a bigger threat than the actor’s bodyguards can handle.

“Enough is enough,” a concerned official from the New York City Police Department told IrishCentral.com. “His security people aren’t up to the task of keeping him safe, and they have no idea how to deal with the crowds this guy attracts.”

According to the NYPD insider, a June incident, in which a taxi struck Pattinson as he attempted to flee a mob of overzealous fans, provided ample evidence of the young star’s problematic security detail.

“That’s amateur hour,” the official said. “We have celebrities a lot bigger than this guy who can come and go in perfect safety because we know how to take the right precautions. We have presidents and kings come and go. This poor kid can’t get in or out of a car without things getting dangerous.”

As for a solution, well, that’s up to Pattinson and “his people.” While the police department has an interest in the safety of everyone in the city, they don’t plan on asking taxpayers to subsidize Pattinson’s protection.

“We’re not providing security,” an NYPD spokesperson explained. “The police department does not provide it for actors. Specific to this issue, we are not currently providing private security for Robert Pattinson.”

Special thanks to JittzPattzing for the heads up!

View Source.

Have you ever wanted to hear the Vh1’s The Fabulous Life narrator say “douche” or “scrotum”? Congratulations, I found you a show.

Is She Really Going Out With Him, of the one-line theme song that WILL get stuck in your head, addresses the dilemma of hot girls going out with tools/douchebags/hip phrase here. Why do girls go out with hedgehog-haired, bicycle-pimping (no, really) jerkwads? And will these girls ever ditch their extra 200 pounds of dead weight? It’s almost like real life, except that in real life we all know that girls never dump these tools.

Real life? In my MTV? It's more likely than you'd think!

Jeremy, known by the narrator as the “Fashionista Bag” (geddit? Bag is short for douchebag! geddit?), is a fashion designer of sorts.

Yeah… I’m not sure who it is that wants to look like him, but I digress. Jeremy is a jerk for the usual reasons: lack of commitment, hitting on other girls, completely blowing a gasket when Dani touches another man’s hand. What makes Jeremy extra-special is his own private little band of asspirates that follow him everywhere he goes and make sweet sweet love to him.

Those are Jeremy’s “bodyguards” (they guard his body, all right…). When they’re not touching each other’s crotches (this is actually in the episode), they’re wrestling for funsies. And we all know what wrestling moves look like… face-to-crotch.

Apart from Jeremy and his lack of need for bodyguards, Dani is kind of an idiot. She’s put up with this Slipknot wannabe for years – bodyguards, flirting, ugliness, and all. Now granted, since he has 3 bodyguards and a silver-platter career for no apparent reason he probably has money, but let’s face it, there’s no way this guy’s spending anything on her.

In the end, Dani dumps him… but only because there’s a camera crew watching her. We all know that 2.5 seconds after the cameras stopped rolling she took him back, to be mistreated another day.

This show was definitely watchable, but all the animations and labels got old real quick. The narrator also puts a hell of a lot of effort into saying “scrote” and “douche” as many different ways as possible. An involved spiel about the imaginary “scrotometer” is not amusing; let’s get back to the trainwreck! MTV needs to lay off the Photoshop; Vh1 does it better.

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Email: mansa.group@yahoo.com

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Dear Sir,

We would like to introduce ourselves as Mansa Group Security Services. We provide well-trained, efficient security personnel according to client’s requirement. We understand the value of your security. Our motto is to serve you such a manner that you will feel safe in our presence.

We provide security personnel for Companies, Factories, Societies, Restaurants, Hotels, ATMs, Construction Sites, Apartments, Showrooms and Residencies etc.

We also provide Manpower for Office, Personal Security Officer and Gunman.

We hope to receive a positive response from your side.

For your sound sleep we are awaking.

With thanks & regards

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Woke up this morning with 2 bad news. My neighbour told me that my dogs were found loitering around my house 3 days ago. This morning we discovered that there is a hole in my fence. It seems more likely that someone is trying to cut through the fence to enter. Last 2 years, staying at this present home, we did not encounter any happenings. Ever since our neighbours started to build their houses, we got one of our metal gate stolen, and now a hole along the fence. I guess we have to be more vigilant from now.

Hole discovered along my compound fence.

Prices are ever increasing. My landlord just told me that we have to review our rent. One reason why is that there are some well funded NGOs coming to Uganda and offer high ridiculous price to house owners so that they can choose their stay. I have even heard that some literally told the landlord to chase the current tenant away by doubling the existing rent. The NGOs economy is disrupting the true economy. Why? Coz its not their hard earned money. Sometimes I really wonder are they doing a service or a disservice to Africa by giving them false hope. Ballooning the economy will be very detrimental to Uganda. Once the bubbles burst or the NGOs leaves, those that are sincere in making this a better place for Ugandans will be left with a hard time mending the holes left behind by them. What a short sighted way of eradicating poverty.

This week was an interesting (and perilous) one for our dear friend Robert Pattinson.  Conveniently, I have some thoughts about the events that occurred:

First up we have some psycho fans mobbing him on the streets of New York while he’s trying to film his new movie.  I really don’t even know where to begin with this.  Let me start by saying that if I ever see one of those girls on the street I will have no choice but to punch them in the face.  (And don’t think I won’t remember you, because I will.  I have memorized all y’alls stupid faces.)  SERIOUSLY!?!?!  WHAT. THE. HELL???  I’m just trying to understand what they expected to accomplish during this mobbing.  Do they believe that as they’re being pinched and pulled away that he will suddenly look into their eyes and immediately stop being super uncomfortable and scared for his life?  That he’ll yell to his bodyguards, “Stop everything!  I simply must get to know this beautiful woman who just attacked me!  I think I might be falling in love with her!”  Weirdos.  You make me sick.

Then later in the week at yet another mobbing incident, he gets hit by a car!!  An NYC cab, to be exact.  Oh, poor Rob, look at what your life has become.  And yes, I know that Summit put out a statement that this had nothing to do his fans, but I don’t really buy that.  If it didn’t have anything to do with fans, than why wouldn’t his bodyguards realize that he was crossing the street without looking both ways first?  Isn’t it their job to keep him safe?  Listen bodyguards, that’s not just limited to squealing teenagers, that applies to oncoming traffic as well.  He’s British, he’s used to looking the opposite direction for cars!  He can’t possibly cross an intersection on his own, he needs your help!  Do your job!

Perhaps now would be a good time to propose my recent idea.  (I’m quite proud of it.)  The events of this week got me thinking…why are these bodyguards doing such a crap job of protecting poor little Rob?  I saw the pictures, they’re big strong men, what’s wrong with them?  I think I’ve figured it out though, the problem we have here is lack of dedication.  They don’t really care about Rob at all.  They’re just hired muscle trying to get through the day, slacking on the job just like everybody else.  I’m willing to bet that none of them a) have ever read Twilight OR b) think that Rob is super-dreamy.  They probably just resent him for make their job so difficult. 

So I propose that we get some new bodyguards.  Ones who actually care deeply about his well-being and safety.  Ones who would not hesitate to elbow any girl in the neck who tries to come near him.  Ones who would grab him from behind and hold him close if he happens to step out into the street too early.  (Oh, and PS, I’m nominating myself for this position.)    I may not have big muscles (or any muscles at all) but I’m pretty sure I could do a better job than the goons he has now.  I’m not sure that I could do it by myself though, anyone want to join me??  He needs people who, if given the chance, would experience an adrenaline rush (I know, I know.  Fine…”You can Google it.”  Happy now?) and take these girls OUT!  Who’s with me??? 

Lastly, (and most importantly I think) we saw…ROB IN SHORTS!!  Not since Goblet of Fire have we seen him in anything but skinny jeans and suits, so I found this to be a nice change of pace.  I’ll ignore the fact that he’s wearing long-sleeved flannel on a beach and just say that I approve of those skinny, white legs of his.  I look forward to the day when some skank-bag has attached herself to those legs, and I will pull her off by her hair, kicking her while she’s down shouting, “HE’S A HUMAN BEING!!!” 

That’s all for now friends, thanks again for visiting! 

 P.S. I do not actually think Rob’s bodyguards are doing a crap job and I appreciate their presence in his life.