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Manchester City 1-1 Hull City

 

Portsmouth 1-4 Manchester United

Everton 0-2 Liverpool

Arsenal 0-3 Chelsea

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No write up last week but i got 6 results and no perfect scores, There are some tough games to predict this week but here goes anyway, Just predictions this week, more of a write up next week.

Saturday

Blackburn Rovers V Stoke City

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-1 draw

Fulham V Bolton Wanderers

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 win for Fulham

Manchester City V Hull City

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-0 win for Man City

Portsmouth V Manchester United

Mystic Jarv predicts a 0-2 win for United

West Ham United V Burnley

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 win for West ham

Wigan Athletic V Sunderland

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-2 win for Sunderland

Aston Villa V Tottenham Hotspur

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-2 win for Villa

Sunday

Wolverhampton Wanderers V Birmingham City

Mystic Jarv predicts a 0-1 win for Brum

Everton V Liverpool

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 win for Everton

Arsenal V Chelsea

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-1 draw

Written by Jarv

As Always for all your premier league discussion and Match discussion please visit Away Goals Rule Football Forum

Meg: Predicts a good lie-in for us all on Sunday

Ding ding, round two! So with four out of six outcomes correctly predicted so far, let’s see how I get on with Sunday’s fixtures:

Blackburn vs Bolton

This week, Sky’s two course ‘Super-Sunday’ is more of a quick bite down the greasy spoon than dinner at the Savoy, and if I’m to continue the analogy, I guess this fixture is the starter. A rubbish prawn cocktail if you like.

It’s likely to be a proper mud-slinger of a match, with more aerial balls than a game of American football. I also expect the commentator to frequently remind us that [insert attacking team's name here] are ‘a threat from set pieces’, because that’s generally all they can get excited about when two teams with no interest in playing any football come up against each other.

Sleeping is almost certainly going to be more interesting than this one, so why not treat yourself to a lie-in? Just think, you may even have a dream about Megan Fox*… and do you really want to miss out on that for the sake of Blackburn vs Bolton?!

Verdict: 0-0

Stoke City vs Portsmouth

If this game is the main course, then think of it as the disappointing roast dinner you at at that pub you’ve never been back to. Cold, hard roast potatoes, slimy Yorkshire puddings, and fatty slices of cheap beef.

Mind you, unlike your starter, there will be one or two edible things on the plate to keep it from being a total disappointment. Expect Kevin Prince-Boateng and Jamie O’Hara to be the honey roasted parsnips and minted peas of this affair.

I don’t think that will be enough to save this ‘dish’ though. With a doubt surrounding medical experiment and Ivory Coast forward Aruna Dindane, Pompey will struggle to break down a resolute Stoke defence. As a result, The Potters will be in no rush to break away from their horribly unattractive and defensive style of play, and the game will suffer due to very little open football.

Verdict: 1-0

Tottenham vs Wigan

Re-scheduled to 3pm on Sunday due to Steve Bruce’s penchant for bringing South Americans to the Premier League a few years back, Sky will be kicking themselves that they aren’t serving this one up to their viewers. In stark contrast to the Boltons, Blackburns and Stokes of this world, both these teams play attractive, open football.

‘Appy ‘Arry Redknapp will be pleased to see his t’riffic winger Aaron Lennon returning to the Spurs side after a spell on the sidelines, as this should add an extra bit of zip to the right hand side. In Lennon’s absence, David Bentley demonstrated that he’s probably more interested in signing up bands for his bar on the Costa Del Sol than playing football. Oh well, England will just have to find itself another new ‘DB7′.

Wigan’s ability to deal with Lennon will be the deciding factor in this match. If they do, then they have the likes of Rodallega and N’Zogbia to exploit the space that Tottenham always leave for their opposition.

However, after a game on Wednesday and a long flight back from Honduras, Maynor Figueroa has his work cut out to contain Lennon. As so often is the case at White Hart Lane, Spurs will attempt to harness their home support and come flying out of the blocks, looking to put the game to bed before the opposition have a chance to impose themselves.

I can see this happening tomorrow.

Verdict: 4-1

* See what I did there?! After my Transformers-heavy MS Paint Story Of The Week the other day, I just thought I’d tell you what the most popular Robots-In-Disguise-based search term used to get to my site has been. And the winner is… ‘Megan Fox Naked’.

Who says the internet isn’t primarily for porn, eh?

Austin Jay Jay Okocha-an unsung hero

Jay Jay is arguably the best footballer ever from Nigeria. He is the most underrated player ever in the history of world football!!! No Nigerian or African living or dead displayed the same level of skills and techniques that Okocha gave to football. Okocha is one of the rare players who did in big matches what they would do on a training pitch. While at PSG in France, Brazil’s Ronadinho learnt so much from Okocha and he went on to display some of Okocha’s skills in big matches as well.

Okocha’s exploit at Bolton Wanderers are well documented and famous. For the Nigerian national team we are still looking for a replacement for the midfield tactician albeit a magician.

Okocha was a past winner of the BBC African footballer of the year. But Okocha was never recognised by CAF-The Confederation of African Football. This is a very serious indictment on CAF and the fact the Okocha is no longer active does not imply that CAF cannot make amends.

CAF must admit its error of judgment that Okocha never received the African Footballer of the Year award despite his popularity and contributions to the game in Africa and Europe. My advice to CAF is to use the World Cup in South Africa 2010 to make amends for this catastrophic error. There is nothing wrong if CAF institute an award or awards that will honour the likes of Okocha as part of the opening ceremony for the Mundial.

Even FIFA is not left out of this international scandal. If either David Beckham or Michael Owen has a quarter of Okocha’s skills and abilities, they would have won the award of World Footballers of the year at different times. It will remain one of the unsolved mysteries of this century that neither CAF nor FIFA gave Jay Jay Okocha the awards that he ought to have won, African and World Footballer of the year. Don’t ask me what year. Let them search their consciences.

That Liberian George Weah won the awards in the past is not enough for Africa. It shouldn’t be “symbolic” that an African had won it before. An African should win awards on merit.

Even the Nigerian sports establishments cannot be left out in this scandal. They didn’t do enough to presents Okocha’s peculiar case to the rest of the world. Austin Jay Jay Okocha remains a legend and should rank among the best 10 footballers of all time. I see him in the same rank as Maradona and Pele.

You’ve seen the experts do it, Paul Fletcher, Caroline Cheese et al. Well now i’ll be giving it a shot.

This weekend i’ll be blogging live for the first time, between 2PM and 5PM. Hopefully some of you will tune in and we can get some topics debated while the action is running.

I’ll be focusing mainly on the Premier League games but will be giving some mention to other important games.

I’ll also hopefully have abit of software up and running that lets everyone join in and discuss with me.

Be there or be square. Don’t let me spend my Saturday afternoon talking to myself!

November 7th 2009, 11am
Trafford Training Centre, Carrington

	-
Manchester United U18s	5-1	Bolton Wanderers U18s

W. Keane 28	-	Sampson 85
Morrison 52	-	-
Tunnicliffe 65	-	-
Cole 75	-	-
Pogba 90 (pen)	-	-

 
 
A week in the Maltese sun clearly had the desired effect on United’s U18 side as they thrashed a strong Bolton Wanderers side 5-1 at Carrington to move into second place in Academy League Group C.

One of the form teams in academy football, the visitors arrived at Carrington in optimistic mood and gave pretty much as good as they got in the first 45 minutes, only to be blown away after the break by a scintillating display of attacking football that saw Ravel Morrison and Ryan Tunnicliffe add to Will Keane’s first half opener before Larnell Cole and Paul Pogba completed the scoring with their first U18 goals either side of a bizarre late consolation goal for the Trotters’ Jack Sampson.

 
The big team news was the presence of Davide Petrucci in the starting lineup, a first academy league start since Valentines Day for the gifted Italian. Playing in his preferred role behind the striker (John Cofie in this case), the 18 year-old also took the captain’s armband, with regular skipper Robbie Brady absent after picking up an injury on the academy’s trip to Malta and his usual deputy Scott Wootton suspended after a red card in the reserve derby in midweek.

Elsewhere, Michele Fornasier and Tom Thorpe made up the centre-back partnership, with Zeki Fryers restored to the left-back berth after missing the Wolves game and Alberto Massacci contining on the other side of the defence. Ryan Tunnicliffe and Paul Pogba continued in central midfield, while Will Keane took up an unfamiliar position wide right, opposite Nicky Ajose. On the other side of the ball, there was a familiar name in the form of Liam Irwin, son of Denis, who was an interested observer on the touchline.

A largely scrappy first half gave little indication of what was to come after the interval, with neither goalkeeper really being unduly threatened. Cofie and Bolton’s Adam Blakeman went close with efforts from range early on and the latter stages of the half saw the Reds escape somewhat fortunately without conceding a penalty after Ajose appeared to clearly handle inside the box, but the really decisive moments of the opening period came midway through, as United momentarily found their passing rhythm and Cofie really posed problems for the visiting defence.

Will Keane - United's MOTM got the scoring underway

That defence were given ample warning of the Ghana-born forward’s pace and power when he broke clear down the left and forced a fine diving save from Wanderers’ keeper Jay Lynch, but they failed to take heed of that warning. Just before the half-hour Cofie got in behind the defence again and with the Bolton defence appealing in vain for offside, the big striker bore down on goal and skipped around Lynch, who could only bring him down. Referee Young was surely poised to point to the spot (and almost certainly produce a red card), but the alert Keane saved him the bother, following up to tap into the empty net in a manner eerily reminiscent of Andy Cole in the Stadio delle Alpi in that famous Champions League Semi-Final second leg of April 1999.

With Cofie looking to be the most dangerous player on the park in that opening forty-five minutes, Paul McGuinness’ decision to replace him with Ravel Morrison at the break was somewhat surprising. Whether there was an injury or illness involved we don’t know (Cofie missed the Malta trip through illness so may not be fully recovered), but whatever the reason, the decision was to be entirely vindicated thereafter.

The Reds immediately signalled their intent after the restart, with Petrucci coming to the fore after a relatively quiet first half. His eye-of-the-needle pass released Ajose to put in a cross that Keane was just able to direct goalwards, and the Italian then popped up on the right side of the box to turn Bolton’s leftback inside and out with some mesmeric dribbling and control before putting in a cross that was scrambled clear. A second United goal was imminent, and when it came on 52 minutes, the only surprise was that Petrucci wasn’t involved. Instead the architect was Will Keane, who skipped past two challenges outside the box before cleverly playing in Morrison, whose finish was the epitome of cool.

A third goal wasn’t long in coming either, and it was probably the pick of the bunch. Ajose seemed to lose the ball in attempting to dribble past his marker on the left-flank, but the 18 year-old’s persistence saw him regain possession at the byline and clip a cross to the back post, where an unmarked Tunnicliffe lashed a fearsome half-volley past the helpless Lynch and into the far corner.

With the game to all intents and purposes in the bag, Petrucci was withdrawn with another 69 valuable minutes under his belt, Larnell Cole taking his place in midfield. That wasn’t an indication of the Reds easing off though, far from it – just five minutes later they made it 4-0, and it was the newly-arrived substitute who did the honours. Cole’s pace allowed him to latch onto Keane’s fantastic through-ball, race clear of the defence and slide the ball past Lynch for his first goal at U18 level.

Bolton were entirely demoralised by this point, and the game had become one of those where every player on the dominant side fancies his chance of getting on the scoresheet, Alberto Massacci notable in this instance with a rampaging run forward and low strike that was well saved by Lynch. Morrison, by now going through his full repertoire of tricks, was also foiled by the Wanderers stopper.

In fairness to the visitors, they didn’t completely chuck the towel in. A rare foray forward earned them a corner, and from that they dashed United’s hopes of a clean sheet and at least bagged themselves a consolation goal, albeit in slightly fortuitous fashion. A right-wing corner was fizzed into the near post where it appeared to deflect off Sampson’s back and past Conor Devlin. The Bolton forward was a rumoured summer target for the Reds but had been largely starved off service on this occasion, and it’s unlikely that effort did too much to alleviate his frustration.

McGuinness’ side could have been forgiven for coasting through the last five minutes after that but almost seemed to take that consolation strike as an insult, pouring forward as the clock ticked down in a bid to restore their four-goal cushion. When Zeki Fryers burst into the box in the final minute looking for his own moment of glory, Bolton’s Eckersley presented the Reds with a chance to do just that from the penalty spot with an incredibly clumsy tackle on the United left-back. The referee somewhat harshly showed Eckersley the red card – there was at least one defender well-placed to cover – before Pogba, impressive again in midfield, converted the most nonchalant of spot-kicks to get off the mark as a United player and put the icing on a particularly flavoursome academy league cake.

STAR MAN: Will Keane – close run thing with any number of attacking players meriting consideration, but the Stockport-born forward gets the nod for another terrific display that saw him pick up his fifth goal in four games and set up another two for his teammates.

 
UNITED
1. Conor Devlin
2. Alberto Massacci
3. Zeki Fryers
4. Michele Fornasier
5. Tom Thorpe
6. Ryan Tunnicliffe
7. Will Keane
8. Paul Pogba
9. John Cofie (14. Ravel Morrison 46)
10. Davide Petrucci (c) (15. Larnell Cole 69)
11. Nicky Ajose (12. Sean McGinty 83)

Booked: Petrucci

Ref: A Young

Liga Premier

Aston Villa Goleo al Bolton Wanderers 5 goles a 1.

 

Blackburn Rovers 3 – 1 Portsmouth[Highlight]

Manchester City 3 – 3 Burnley

Tottenham 2-0 Sunderland

Wolverhampton 1-4 Arsenal

Pelea entre las integrantes de los equipos de futbol de Nuevo Mexico y BYU

Another bad week for Mystic Jarv last weekend, here are this weekends predictions

Saturday

Aston Villa V Bolton Wanderers

Since beating Chelsea 3 weeks ago Villa haven’t won a game in the league and only won in the League cup on penalties, Their form is something Villa will want to rectify quickly if they serious want to challenge for Europe this season.

After 2 4-0 thumpings at the hand of Chelsea in their last 2 games Gary Megson will be glad to see the back of them for now at least however a trip to Villa park is not any easy away game either.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 to Villa
Aston Villa V Bolton Wanderers match discussion

Blackburn Rovers V Portsmouth

Pompey’s results have picked up a little to match their playing form and this is a massive game for them, both clubs find themselves in the bottom three and Blackburn are struggling more than i thought they would this season. They should now be over the Swine flu that hit the club and need to bounce back.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 to Blackburn …..just, however i could see it going the other way too
Blackburn Rovers V Portsmouth match discussion

Manchester City V Burnley

Burnley simply are not very good away from home and i can’t see them getting anything here. City are currently in the top 4 which is where they want to be and will really want to be there over the international break. There really should only be one winner in this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-0 to City
Manchester City V Burnley match discussion

Tottenham Hotspur V Sunderland

Like Villa, Sunderland have not won since their big victory on the 17th October and will want to get back on track as soon as possible, Lee Cattermole is injured and he ha been their driving force in the middle of the park and without him i believe they will struggle without him.

Spurs have had mixed fortunes from their recent matches and won’t be please by the 3-0 beating at the hands of their neighbours, if Spurs truly have designs on a Champions League place they have to win this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-1 to Spurs
Tottenham Hotspur V Sunderland match discussion

Wolverhampton Wanderers V Arsenal – 17:30

Wolves have picked up a point in each of their last 3 games, asll 3 of which i predicted them to lose, should they get something from this game they will really surprise me.

Arsenal will be pleased with the win last week against Spurs and Wenger must be delighted with their form, they’re scoring goals for fun. There is discussions about take overs going on at the moment but i don’t think it will put the team off their stride and i expect them to move into 2nd by Saturday night.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-3 to Arsenal
Wolverhampton Wanderers v Arsenal match discussion

Sunday

Hull City V Stoke City

Well phil brown is still in charge but you have to ask how much longer, the statement from the new chairman was hardly resounding and should 3 points not be forthcoming against Stoke i believe he will be gone by the time they play West Ham,  Should Brown be sacked it gives the club a couple of weeks while the internationals are on to find a New boss. The question is, is there anyone better out there that will want to goto Hull?

Stoke Captain Abdoulaye Faye says they can qualify for Europe this season, big brave words given the competition this season, if they are to then they have to win this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 0-1 to Stoke
Hull City V Stoke City match discussion

West Ham United v Everton

It was a bitter-sweet midweek for West ham, beating Villa was a top result but losing Carlton Cole was a blow to them, before that game they were struggling for form. Everton were struggling even more and are having a terrible season by their recent standards and failed to pick up a win in the whole of October.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-1 Draw
West Ham United V Everton match discussion

Wigan Athletic V Fulham

12th V 11th in the league, I didn’t see the game against Roma but i undertstand Fulham were unlucky to be down to 9 men. Still at the end of the day the Premier league is their bread and butter and this game is more important in the long term, beating Liverpool was a fantastic result for them and they will want to follow it up against Wigan.

Wigan got thumped at Portsmouth last week and have had a few mixed results since beating Chelsea, they have conceeded lots of goals too and will need to tighten up for this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-1 Win for Wigan

Chelsea V Manchester United

This game as a United fan worries me, United’s defence has been quite porous of late and Chelsea have been scoring lots of goals and playing great football but it’s never quite that simple is it. I believe United will be really up for this game and could just nick a win but to do that they need to cut out the defensive and keeping errors that plagued the game against CSKA on Tuesday. The normally steady Van der sar will definitely want the first and third goal back and a keeper of his stature shouldn’t have been beaten so easily.

United need to keep Drogba and Anelka quiet if they do that they have a chance, Chelsea have to nullify United’s Wingers which could be key to the game

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-2 for United (might be being an optimistic United fan here)
Chelsea V Manchester United match discussion

Monday

Liverpool V Birmingham City

Under normal circumstances in other seasons this would be such an obvious prediction but Liverpool are struggling and with Gerrard and Torres both doubtful and both possibly needing surgery on injuries 2009/2010 could be shaping up to be Liverpool’s worst season for many a year.

A draw against City and a victory against Sunderland are 2 results that surprised me a little , I tink they will lose this game but if they can frustrate Liverpool ealry on they might, just might get something.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-0 win for Liverpool
Liverpool V Birmingham City match discussion

Other Stuff

Although i Know nothing about boxing Mystic Jarv predicts a win for Haye against Valuev, like i said i know nothing so don’t put your house on it

Written by Jarv

Another bad week for Mystic Jarv last weekend, here are this weekends predictions

Saturday

Aston Villa V Bolton Wanderers

Since beating Chelsea 3 weeks ago Villa haven’t won a game in the league and only won in the League cup on penalties, Their form is something Villa will want to rectify quickly if they serious want to challenge for Europe this season.

After 2 4-0 thumpings at the hand of Chelsea in their last 2 games Gary Megson will be glad to see the back of them for now at least however a trip to Villa park is not any easy away game either.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 to Villa
Aston Villa V Bolton Wanderers match discussion

Blackburn Rovers V Portsmouth

Pompey’s results have picked up a little to match their playing form and this is a massive game for them, both clubs find themselves in the bottom three and Blackburn are struggling more than i thought they would this season. They should now be over the Swine flu that hit the club and need to bounce back.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 to Blackburn …..just, however i could see it going the other way too
Blackburn Rovers V Portsmouth match discussion

Manchester City V Burnley

Burnley simply are not very good away from home and i can’t see them getting anything here. City are currently in the top 4 which is where they want to be and will really want to be there over the international break. There really should only be one winner in this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-0 to City
Manchester City V Burnley match discussion

Tottenham Hotspur V Sunderland

Like Villa, Sunderland have not won since their big victory on the 17th October and will want to get back on track as soon as possible, Lee Cattermole is injured and he ha been their driving force in the middle of the park and without him i believe they will struggle without him.

Spurs have had mixed fortunes from their recent matches and won’t be please by the 3-0 beating at the hands of their neighbours, if Spurs truly have designs on a Champions League place they have to win this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-1 to Spurs
Tottenham Hotspur V Sunderland match discussion

Wolverhampton Wanderers V Arsenal – 17:30

Wolves have picked up a point in each of their last 3 games, asll 3 of which i predicted them to lose, should they get something from this game they will really surprise me.

Arsenal will be pleased with the win last week against Spurs and Wenger must be delighted with their form, they’re scoring goals for fun. There is discussions about take overs going on at the moment but i don’t think it will put the team off their stride and i expect them to move into 2nd by Saturday night.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-3 to Arsenal
Wolverhampton Wanderers v Arsenal match discussion

Sunday

Hull City V Stoke City

Well phil brown is still in charge but you have to ask how much longer, the statement from the new chairman was hardly resounding and should 3 points not be forthcoming against Stoke i believe he will be gone by the time they play West Ham, Should Brown be sacked it gives the club a couple of weeks while the internationals are on to find a New boss. The question is, is there anyone better out there that will want to goto Hull?

Stoke Captain Abdoulaye Faye says they can qualify for Europe this season, big brave words given the competition this season, if they are to then they have to win this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 0-1 to Stoke
Hull City V Stoke City match discussion

West Ham United v Everton

It was a bitter-sweet midweek for West ham, beating Villa was a top result but losing Carlton Cole was a blow to them, before that game they were struggling for form. Everton were struggling even more and are having a terrible season by their recent standards and failed to pick up a win in the whole of October.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-1 Draw
West Ham United V Everton match discussion

Wigan Athletic V Fulham

12th V 11th in the league, I didn’t see the game against Roma but i undertstand Fulham were unlucky to be down to 9 men. Still at the end of the day the Premier league is their bread and butter and this game is more important in the long term, beating Liverpool was a fantastic result for them and they will want to follow it up against Wigan.

Wigan got thumped at Portsmouth last week and have had a few mixed results since beating Chelsea, they have conceeded lots of goals too and will need to tighten up for this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-1 Win for Wigan

Chelsea V Manchester United

This game as a United fan worries me, United’s defence has been quite porous of late and Chelsea have been scoring lots of goals and playing great football but it’s never quite that simple is it. I believe United will be really up for this game and could just nick a win but to do that they need to cut out the defensive and keeping errors that plagued the game against CSKA on Tuesday. The normally steady Van der sar will definitely want the first and third goal back and a keeper of his stature shouldn’t have been beaten so easily.

United need to keep Drogba and Anelka quiet if they do that they have a chance, Chelsea have to nullify United’s Wingers which could be key to the game

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-2 for United (might be being an optimistic United fan here)
Chelsea V Manchester United match discussion

Monday

Liverpool V Birmingham City

Under normal circumstances in other seasons this would be such an obvious prediction but Liverpool are struggling and with Gerrard and Torres both doubtful and both possibly needing surgery on injuries 2009/2010 could be shaping up to be Liverpool’s worst season for many a year.

A draw against City and a victory against Sunderland are 2 results that surprised me a little , I tink they will lose this game but if they can frustrate Liverpool ealry on they might, just might get something.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-0 win for Liverpool
Liverpool V Birmingham City match discussion

Other Stuff

Although i Know nothing about boxing Mystic Jarv predicts a win for Haye against Valuev, like i said i know nothing so don’t put your house on it

Written by Jarv

Meg: Back from Burnley's 'Ladies Day' unscathed

Out of the ten fixtures that banged on my door last week, demanding to be predicted, seven were sent home happy. Ok, I didn’t get the final score right for any of them, but that’s not important. Even with a badger equipped with a wide range of hip-hop dance moves backing them up, I don’t think many people saw Fulham putting three past Liverpool. So, I’ve excused myself.

Having said that, if I get a couple of final scores right this week, but not many correct outcomes, there’s a good chance i’ll introduce next week’s predictions with a paragraph professing the skill involved in predicting correct final scores. You see, much like Robbie Keane and his assessment of the current Spurs squad, I sometimes find myself sugar-coating my opinions.

I’ve set the bar with 7 correct outcomes. Can you beat me?!? Actually, I’m sure you can. I’m just doing that ‘challenge their ego’ thing to try to get you involved in a prediction contest.

Are you ready?!? I’m doing it again. Sorry, I’ll stop. There’s actually no need to be particularly ready. It’s not as if you’re about to go for a sky-dive (unless you are. In which case, I’d advise you start concentrating on that instead, because you’re about to throw yourself out of a bloody plane. You mentalist!).

Ok, I’m getting nowhere with this introduction. Predictions hooooooo! (Thundercats style)

Aston Villa vs Bolton

In the last few weeks Aston Villa have dressed in black, hid in the shadows, and snuck their way silently up the table. This is made all the more weird by the fact that, at the time of writing this, their form for the last 6 games reads LDWDDL – translating as 6 points from a possible 18, which isn’t hugely impressive. However, they’ve still managed to join the chasing pack just below the top four which, considering the aforementioned form, is mighty impressive.

This phenomena can be explained either by Martin O’Neill having trained the club in the art of the Ninja, or by the fact that the top four have performed a little more inconsistently this season.

Either way, Bolton should watch out for the crane kick to the gonads this weekend, which I feel is undoubtedly coming their way.

Verdict: 2-1

Blackburn vs Portsmouth

I hold my hands up. Aruna Dindane last weekend took my snide, mocking words and shoved them firmly back down my embarassed throat. He was majestic, and took his hat-trick well.

However, did anyone else find this sudden change in the Ivorian’s form all a little too dramatic? I certainly did. This is why I sent my chief reporter in the field to Fratton Park this week to find out what was going on. His findings will be reported in this week’s Microsoft Paint Story Of the Week, so watch this space. It is truly shocking. Can you handle the truth?! (Sorry I really must stop treating you as if you’re a cinema audience watching trailers to the summer blockbusters).

Expect a shaven headed Morten Gamst Pedersen to take to the field for Blackburn Rovers, and a scintillating 1-1 draw to follow.

Verdict: 1-1

Man City vs Burnley

Those of you who watched Match Of The Day 2 last weekend would have witnessed a quite frightening report from Kevin Day (a man created by combining bits of Madness front-man Suggs, with a zombie from Shaun Of The Dead) on Burnley’s ‘ladies day’.

If you didn’t get a chance to see it, try thinking of an episode of ‘Booze Britain’, but dedicated entirely to women, and set in a bleak northern town. I can only assume that the male Burnley fans had decided to spend Saturday afternoon shopping for their halloween costumes (although they could have got a fair few pointers from some of the scary old bags at the stadium, that’s for sure).

This week against Manchester City, expect the Burnley fans travelling to Eastlands to revert back to form, with plenty of drunk men cosigning their Halloween masks to the back of the cupboard in order to roar their team to their fifth away defeat of the season.

Expect Carlos Tevez to still be wearing his halloween mask.

Verdict: 3-0

Tottenham vs Sunderland

Low on confidence, and missing key players, ‘Arry’s fragile Spurs troops would have wanted an easier fixture than Sunderland following a derby-day drubbing by an Arsenal team with a point to prove. Even though pocket goal-machine and glamour model afficionado Jermain Defoe is back from his suspension to give his club a boost, The Mackems team is loaded with ex-Tottenham players, all looking to prove Spurs wrong for flogging them.

Darren Bent will want to prove that he really is better than Redknapp’s wife, Andy Reid will desperately want to prove to the Spurs fans that he’s not the ‘pie muncher’ they’ve always said he is (it’s pretty obvious that he knows where the nearest Greggs is though), and Steed Malbranque will want to reinforce the question that most Spurs fans have been asking since he left… “Levy, why the hell did you sell him?!”.

Teemu Tainio will just want to angrily kick people. That’s what Teemu Tainio does. However, in the absence of Kasier Soze and Lee Cattermole, he’ll be the ex-Spurs player with arguably the most important job of all.

Verdict: 2-2

Wolves vs Arsenal

Arsenal can be compared very easily to Hogwarts, the wizard’s school attended by Harry Potter and his chums. Like Hogwarts, Arsenal have a Dumbledore professor figure at the helm attempting to teach all the young minds that walk into the youth system the way of mastering the wizadry of football.

He has many good students at the club, who have all clearly practiced their skills on a regular basis. However, they have one shining Harry Potter style light at the centre of it all, in the shape of Cesc Fabregas. Like the character, Fabregas can perform acts of brilliance that everyone else at the club can only admire with bewildered amazement. Let us not also forget that he often has to carry the weaker students through difficult times (at this point I should probably compare Niclas Bentner to Ron Weasley, and Emanuel Eboue to the little girl).

This weekend Fabregas and his wizard pals visit the den of a pack of bloodthirsty Wolves. Now, we all know that wolves like to prey on the weaknesses of small children, and I expect this pack to do exactly that on Saturday – snarling and snapping at the heels of the frightened youngsters. However with a wizard at the height of his powers at their core, mere Wolves will be no match for Wenger’s young magicians.

Verdict: 0-3

Chelsea vs Man Utd

It has been noted in certain places that Sky tend to make a bit of a song and a dance about a live game pitting two of the ‘Big Four’ teams up against each other. Flashy lights swooshing across the screen, dramatic music, and immense over-exaggeration over the importance of the seventh day of the week (i.e. ‘Mega-Super Amazing Sunday’ or something else just as ludicrous). Prior to the game, the tiny studio is packed with the brilliant minds of Jamie Redknapp, Richard Keys, and Andy Gray, and the viewer is ‘entertained’ (for what seems like an eternity) by three grown men drawing arrows on a virtual pitch, and talking incoherently about the brilliance of the two teams (who both, funnily enough, have made their employer one of the richest companies in the world).

The trouble is, with all the hype, these games are often a complete snore-fest. The recent Chelsea vs Liverpool game was so boring that I ended up being distracted by a repeat of Deal Or No Deal on our other telly (a fat man from Wolverhampton was sent home with 50p after he was ‘convinced’ big money was in a particular box, and thought that 5k ‘wasn’t a fair offer’. Riveting stuff).

This time though, I actually think that we have a really good game on our hands. Two teams playing good attacking football, and they are definitely the two teams who will be contesting the title this year, so there’s the added spice right there.

If Didier Drogba stays on his feet long enough to perform as he has been recently, I’m backing Chelsea for this one.

Verdict: 3-1

Hull vs Stoke

I like Hull’s manager Phil Brown. He’s an eccentric, and we don’t get many of them in Premier League nowadays.

So what if it was their start to the 08/09 season that kept them up last year? Does that really matter? No. What matters is that this earpiece loving, karaoke singing, half time team-talk on the pitch conducting Sam Allardyce prodige got Hull City promoted to the Premier League and then kept them there. That should be enough for the Hull board, fans, and players to show him a little respect in the tough time they’re having at the moment. The dreaded vote of confidence is always an ominous sign though.

This is one of those games that I wouldn’t normally give a damn about. But for Phil Brown’s sake I hope Hull can overcome the bus that Stoke park in front of their goal.

Verdict: 2-1

West Ham vs Everton

West Ham’s new striker Alessandro Diamanti has a bit of the Paulo Di Canio about him. Great touch, good finisher, and also a bit of a nutter. After a bit of gentle ribbing from his new team-mates for being the only member of the Hammers squad to use a hairdryer, the Italian reacted not by returning the banter, but by getting a grade 1 all over. This begs the question though, if Diamanti really is that suggestable, what else can his team-mates make him do?! Ideas below.

After a win in midweek, West Ham are unbeaten in three. Everton, by contrast have just suffered another injury set-back to midfield string-puller Mikel Arteta, which won’t improve the spirits of a team who last won a Premier League game back on September 26th.

It’ll be a hardfought encou… Stop! Hammertime.

Verdict: 2-1

Wigan vs Fulham

As I noted in my introduction above, I was pretty pleased with myself for predicting Fulham’s win over Liverpool last week. However, that was all soured by Wigan, the Premier League’s most unpredictable team, living up to their tagline.

That being the case, I am tempted to predict a Fulham win (because secretly I think that Wigan will win). However, now i’ve revealed my strategy on the world wide web, I’m sure that Wigan’s unpredictability radar will spot it and then force the team to carry out exactly the opposite.

Therefore, I am going to just go with my gut instinct. Wigan have had some big results at home this season, and Fulham are playing away in the Uefa League (or whatever the Uefa Cup is now called) on Thursday, so may be a bit sleepy when it comes to dealing with my man Rodallega (by that I mean he has been in my fantasy team this season. I transferred him out though, so technically it should be ‘my ex-man Rodallega’. However, that sounds a bit gay).

Marlon King is sidelined.

Verdict: 3-1

Liverpool vs Birmingham

Liverpool fans. I’m sorry, but this one’s the nil nil. And you can’t quote form to deny my assertions either. Playing without Gerrard, and pairing a half-fit Torres with a hapless Voronin in attack, these are some dark times.

Birmingham will be organised and hard to break down, just like they were against City. Don’t get me wrong, McLeish’s men are still an awful team to watch, but now is the perfect time for anyone to play the Scousers. They look lost.

Verdict: 0-0

Sorry for the lack of updates guys. Been very busy at University.

Anyway, quite a hectic week that started with so much promise.

Another ‘Gary Megson total-football’ display against Everton. A deserved 3-2 win, but after an easy start, we were certainly made to earn it.

Clearly Everton were under strength in defence, and their inability to deal with crosses was evident from the first two goals. Fans favourite Lee Chung Yong scoring a well hit first(thank god Bibi didn’t get a touch!) and a Gary Cahill header. ‘Easy easy easy’ was the chant. Infact, i was on for my speculative 4-0 at 80-1.

The quality of Louis Saha soon changed that- another one of those pesky strikers who always scores against us. A beautiful strike that Jussi didn’t have a chance with.

Another good strike from mop haired Felliani had Bolton fans biting their nails. Had we thrown away another 2-0 lead?

On 83mins, striker Ivan Klasnic collided with Lucas Neill and to be quite honest, given all his medical past, i wasn’t the only one who feared he was dead.

On 85mins, Ivan Klasnic is dancing a funny little jig in front of the corner of the East End Lower. That’s why we love football!

Overall, we deserved the points and were hoping to take the confidence into a tough Chelsea double…

…we didn’t.

Two 4-0 thrashings that quite frankly showed the difference in qualityy. We are a long long way behind Chelsea. We held our own in the second game for the first 45mins. But once Samuel had been sent off, we didn’t stand a chance.

Again, apologies for the lack of updates. I will be back on later this week with a new update. One that i’ve been saving for a few weeks- it even involves club leg-end Didi Hamann!

Well, it’s the morning after Halloween and I will assume that many of you, like myself, are nursing wicked hangovers. Therefore I’ll try to keep it simple – bright lights and big words are the enemies right now.

Football:

If this sight makes you drool, you might be a Scouser.

Fulham 3-1 Liverpool – Well, it seems that the scousers are back in the soup (see lobscouse), having been roundly trounced at Craven Cottage by ultra-defensive enemies of everyone, Fulham. Diomansy ‘Yes that is his name’ Kamara gave the home side an early lead on 24′, which Fernando Torres would cancel out (by virtue of a terrific volley) just before the half. The second half would begin inauspiciously, but in the final 20 minutes it all began to unravel for the visiting Reds. Substitute Erik Nevland restored the Cottagers’ lead on 73′, and Liverpool’s efforts to first back to level terms took a couple of swift successive blows when Jamie Carragher and Phillip Degen were sent off within two minutes of eachother. If that wasn’t enough, the killing blow would come on 87′, when Clint Dempsey netted again to put Fulham two up and send Scousers everywhere into fits of despair. Is it time to begin a Rafa Benitez unemployment countdown?

Arsenal 3-0 Tottenham Hotspur – Well, the Spurs have made a positive enough start to this season under Harry Redknapp, but they weren’t good enough to beat an in-form Arsenal side at the Emirates Stadium in the North London derby this weekend. Robin van Persie bagged a brace, one on either side of the half (42′, 60′), while captain Cesc Fàbregas added his own goal just after the Dutchman’s first on 43′. Tottenham simply had no answer for the Gunner’s swift, fluid football – especially since they were missing the important trio of Aaron Lennon, Luka Modric and Jermain Defoe. Not a result that will much please ‘Arry, but at least Arsene Wenger had a banner evening; besides putting Arsenal right at the heels of United in the table, it was also the Frenchman’s 1000th point as a Premiership manager.

Chelsea 4-0 Bolton – Déjà vu, much? Yesterday’s victory was the second time in one week that the high-flying Blues have absolutely dismantled Bolton by a score of 4-0. Carlo Ancelotti’s side haven’t been scored upon since they dropped points against Aston Villa several weeks hence, but their opponents’ nets have been absolutely overflowing. Chelsea have established something of a rhythm of starting late, and stayed true to that form: Frank Lampard opened the scoring two minutes into first-half added time, and even then only on a spot kick after Jlloyd Samuel hauled down Didier Drogba in the penalty area. However, Chelsea would come to life in the second half, and the Wanderers were helpless to watch as Deco, then their own man Zat Knight and the finally Didier Drogba all found the back of the home side’s net. What utter destruction – next weekend’s fixture against Manchester United should be one to watch.

Manchester Utd 2-0 Blackburn – The Rooney and Dimitar Berbatov were on target for United as Ferguson’s men blew past the Rovers this weekend. It’s nice to see the oft-invisible Bulgarian show up for a match every once in a while, and he made his presence known early in the second half with a strike that put the Red Devils ahead on 55′. That lead would be enough to see them through to the dying moments of the game, when Wayne Rooney would add his name to the scoresheet and simply put the game out of the Rovers’ grasp.

Futbol:

Barcelona 1-1 Osasuna – If the last couple of weeks have shown us anything, it’s that Barcelona and Real Madrid, the Giants of Spanish football, are anything but invincible. Barcelona faltered yesterday in their quest for La Liga dominance, drawing away at Osasuna. The match was a fairly sparse affair with Seydou Keita only opening the scoring in the 72nd minute after some extended and very Barca-esque build-up. However, the night was not to be Barcelona’s, as deep into injury time Javier Camunas raced up the left flank and launched a low, hard cross across the mouth of the net. Gerard Piqué, rushing back to defend his goal, inadvertently collided with the end of the cross, deflecting the ball past a scrambling Victor Valdés and into the back of his own net. A hugely disappointing result for Barcelona, who seemed well on their way to 3 points until the unfortunate, and costly, error. Piqué’s couldn’t do much about it, and shouldn’t really be held responsible – but lord knows he will.

Higuain would make the difference for Madrid at the Bernabéu.

Real Madrid 2-0 Getafe – It is remarkable that despite every match being (at least) 90 minutes, and every match (starting, at least) with 22 players on the pitch, often it only takes one player and a very short spanse of time to completely change the course of a match. Such was the case in Real Madrid’s victory over Getafe at the Bernabéu, in which Gonzalo Higuaín scored twice in the span of 3 minutes to give his side a commanding lead over their visitors. Los Blancos were forced to play for the majority of the match with only 10 men after defender Raúl Albiol brought down Getafe striker Soldado on the edge of the penalty area. However, Higuaín’s efforts ensured that the 10-man Galacticos would nevertheless come away with 3 points – with Barcelona’s misfortune, Manuel Pellegrini’s men now trail by only 1 point.

Calcio:

Mazzarri's comeback kids celebrate their namesake.

Napoli 3-2 Juventus – Forget Partenopei. Forget Vesuviani. Forget Azzurri. Walter Mazzarri’s Napoli are the comeback kids. Behind Juventus 2-0 in Torino, with 30 minutes left in the game, most teams would simply lose hope – give up, close up shop and try not to concede any more goals. Not Napoli – or at least, not this reincarnated Napoli. A pair of goals from David Trezeguet and Sebastian Giovinco had seen Juventus get ahead of their visitors in the first hour of the encounter. Defensive errors had proven costly for the Southerners, as it was Matteo Contini’s mistake that provided Juventus with their second goal. However, the substitution of Jesús Alberto Dátolo for Hugo Campagnaro would revitalize Mazzarri’s side, and in the span of 6 minutes, the deadly combination of Marek Hamsik and Dátolo were able to draw their side level with La Vecchia Signora with 25 minutes left to play. This sudden leveling of scores seemed to have Ciro Ferrara’s men reeling, and they were very much on their back heels as they wondered what had happened to their comfortable lead – the tactician’s solution was to bring on Amauri, who did so well in i Bianconeri’s dismantling of Sampdoria in midweek. Unbelievably, it would be Napoli who would break the deadlock with just 9 minutes left in the match – it would be Hamsik who would grab his second of the evening, crashing a poorly cleared ball into the roof of the net and all but securing victory for his side. Juventus would come back to life in stoppage time, and seemed on the verge of undermining Napoli’s glorious comeback, but ultimately the only thing they would come away with would be a red card for their Caveman Brazilian striker Amauri, who went crashing headlong into Napoli keeper Morgan De Sanctis in hopes of equalizing, only to boot the netminder in the face and be sent off. A result which should have Napoli fans absolutely rapturous and should shut up Juventini quite nicely for the time being. Che bella partita!

Nice to have you back!

AS Roma 2-1 Bologna – He’s back, and we’re back. For now. It seems that Mirko Vučinić has finally found his lost form – the Montenegrin put in a man of the match performance this afternoon to ensure that Roma snapped their losing streak and grabbed all 3 points against lowly Bologna. It seemed like a familiar story – Roma had the lion’s share of the early chances and dominated the game from the outset, but it was Bologna who took the first lead in the match when Marco Di Vaio got behind the Giallorosso defense and set up Adailton for an easy tap-in on 32′. We’ve got no Francesco Totti, no Daniele De Rossi (suspended) and, it seems, no hope. Here’s where the story changes though; Roma didn’t roll over and die, but rather equalized not 3 minutes later when Mirko Vučinić found himself, the ball and a golden opportunity, and (this time) duly buried it. It was the first time in recent memory that Vuči has been what he should always be (except in the presence of Er Pupone): the best player on the pitch. Boy, did it make a difference. Jérémy Menez also had a good match, though he was anonymous at times; it would be his shot that would rebound out of the arms of Emiliano Viviano and straight into the path of Simone Perrotta, who buried the sitter. That’s right, Perrotta, King of doing the exact opposite of that, buried a sitter. I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in. Anyways, we won the match, and should take heart from it – Vuči had a good one, Menez had a good one, Mexes had a good one, heck even Motta had a good one. Let’s just hope the next few can be good ones too.

AC Milan 2-0 Parma – Another man who found this form this weekend was Milan’s Ronaldinho, who ran Parma ragged and provided Marco Borriello with both of the goals that would separate their squad from what has been an impressive Parma side this season. The first game in only the 12th minute, as ‘Dinho executed a masterful zigzagging run before slotting the ball through to Borriello, who coolly finished. That lead would last most of the match, but the pair weren’t finished yet, and deep into second-half injury time, Ronaldinho would send an arcing cross through the penalty area; Borriello, having acres of space, met the end of the pass with a perfectly timed bicycle kick, completing his brace and a solid afternoon for i Rossoneri. AC Milan now moves up to 4th place and it seems that Leonardo, whose job looked so imperiled just a few short weeks ago, has finally gotten into the swing of things. Good for Milanisti, I suppose.

Inter 2-0 Livorno – Inter was able to do this weekend what Roma couldn’t on Wednesday – beat a team that is seemingly destined for relegation, and do it comfortably at that. Diego Milito and Maicon found the back of the net for i Nerazzurri, the former scoring his second goal in 2 games since returning from injury. Gotta make up for lost time, right? With this victory, Jose’s men sit 7 points clear atop the Serie A table – same old, same old.

Fußball:

Bayern München 0-0 VfB Stuttgart – Mario Gomez’s return to his old Bundesliga stomping ground was a quiet affair, a goalless draw marked by very even play, despite the home side firing on all cylinders early at the Mercedes-Benz Arena. Neither side created any clear-cut chances, and so neither side was able to best the other.

Over the past month or so, I’ve got used to seeing Bolton play some decent football. Enjoyable football, so much so that it didn’t feel like a chore going to the Reebok. The watershed moment was the abysmal match against Stoke, where we were outplayed by Stoke. It’s worth re-reading the last bit of that sentence. Since then, at home against Spurs and Everton, the team look energetic, creative, and the players look like they’re enjoying playing for the club. The main difference for me has been the lack of Johan Elmander, who returned to the team yesterday against Chelsea.

Instead of playing with freedom of expression, Megson opted for a defensive line-up lacking in width to try and nullify Chelsea’s midfield. The problem with that is that you rely on your striker(s) to hold the ball up and when there are chances, to get the ball on target. Elmander did neither throughout the match, I’ve lost patience with the Swede, and I can’t defend him anymore. He’s worse than Bobby Zamora. Fact. To demonstrate this point, I’ll compare his 90 minutes to Ivan “2 kidneys” Klasnic’s cameo last week against Everton, thanks to Guardian Chalkboards.

Klasnic had three shots. All were on target and from different distances and places on the pitch. What more could you ask from your striker? Now, Elmander vs Chelsea from yesterday:

Elmander had three shots in 90 minutes. In better positions than Klasnic, and he still couldn’t manage to get them on target. I wouldn’t mind, but the two shots were within minutes of each other. This just isn’t good enough for a Premier League striker.

We didn’t lose 4-0 because of Elmander, we lost because the team was ultra defensive, which worked for 45 minutes until Samuel was sent off. We came out of our shell a little more in the second half, and Gardner running with the ball definitely made a difference. But we still insisted on playing long balls and crosses from just inside the half-way line, which were useless, as Elmander is truly abysmal in the air. Look at the number of successful crosses vs Everton (without Elmander):

And vs Chelsea (with Elmander):

True, this will be due to the fact Chelsea have a better defence than Everton. But Heitinga isn’t a pushover, and neither is Yobo. But look at the number of unsuccessful crosses vs Chelsea:

Elmander is so useless in the air, it defies logic as to why we tried to cross into the box almost one every five minutes. Look at the number of unsuccessful crosses vs Everton:

Against Everton, in total, we made 18 crosses, winning 39% of them. Against Chelsea in total, we made a total of 23 crosses, winning just 9% of them. Why, when Elmander is in the team, do we make more crosses into the box when we know how useless he is? I have no idea why we are more predisposed to hit crap crosses in the box when he plays, but we do. It doesn’t work, and he needs to go.

Ok then, forgetting last weekend ever happened which was a complete train wreck in terms of my predictions.

So onto This weekend, there’s only one game sunday so i’ve done all the games on here.

Saturday

Arsenal V Tottenham Hotspur

Harry reckons Spurs are capable of finishing above Arsenal,m brave words before a game at the Emirates where Arsenal have been fantastic, No Defoe, possibly no Lennon as well, it would be a stunning result for Spurs to win this one, in fact a\ draw would be a great achievement.

Arsenal have been destroying teams at home and until Chelsea beat Swine flu ridden Blackburn last week had the best goal difference by far and i expect them to win this one.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 3-1 win for Arsenal

Bolton Wanderers V Chelsea

Only one winner in this game, Chelsea will win handsomely, 5 players from Chelsea have been shortlisted for Fifa world player of the year, most of which i can understand but, John Terry has had a very average year at best and i really fail to see how he keeps getting nominated for things he doesn’t deserve like the best Defender in the champions league last season, never in a million years did he deserve that.

Bolton’s only chance is to stun Chelsea from a set piece which they have been a little vulnerable in the past.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 3-0 win for Chelsea

Burnley V Hull City

Burnley’s 100% home record went last week and whether they can recover will be key to their season.

Hull have a few problems at the moment, i would say behind the scenes but its pretty much in public, The Chairman has gone and there were lots of rumours Brown had gone too, He hasn’t but unless their form picks up you can’t help wonder how long he has left.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 win for Burnley, and Phil Brown to be the first manager to be sacked.

Everton V Aston Villa

Moyes has complained about Everton having away games after game sin Europe which is the same problem both Man United and Chelsea and i think Liverpool have complained about in recent seasons, and curiously the following year they all got a bit better fixture list after European games from the “Random” fixture computer. However as it stands Everton wont be in Europe next year so wont make a difference and its fast turning into a poor season for Everton and to top it off they have terrible Injury problems.

Villa play their game in hand on Wednesday night and will want to win this game to ensure they can go into the top 4 if they win it. On Wednesday they beat Sunderland on penalties to reach the quarter finals of the Carling cup and will be buoyed by that.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-1 win for Aston Villa

Fulham V Liverpool

Liverpool got a great result last weekend against Manchester United without Steven Gerrard, I’m not going to mention the Ref again as i’ve posted elsewhere my feelings on his “performance”. They lost again against Arsenal in a competition which mioght very well have been their best chance at silverware this season.

Its a fine balencing act for Fulham this season, their over riding priority is the League but a decent run in the Europa league brings money and prestige which may in turn allow them to bring in better players and push up the table. Sadly i think they will lose this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-1 win for Liverpool

Portsmouth V Wigan Athletic

The Portsmouth Circus rumbles on, this weeks installment is a Transfer ban for non-payment of debts which basically, unless they get an infusion of cash, ends their chances of survival this season, no new players means they wont pick up enough points in my opinion.

Wigan broke Burnley’s 100% home record last week which was a great result (another one i got wrong) they sit in the top half of the table and have had a full week to prepare for this game.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 win for Wigan.

Stoke City V Wolverhampton Wanderers

Stoke’s home record should be enough to help them win this game despite losing to Pompey in the week the premier league is by far their main focus.

Wolves picked up 2 good draws in their last 2 premier league games, Away at Everton and home to Villa but they need to start turning a few into wins if they want to survive.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-1 win for Stoke City

Sunderland V West Ham United

Since beating liverpool Sunderland have lost 2 games, one only by Penalties but its still 2 losses in a row and they will want to rectify that this week, They’re only 3 points away from third, they wont finish in the top 4 but its commendable to be doing as well as they are but they need to get a win at home V West Ham. West ham grabbed a draw against Arsenal last week and might be gald of that point at the end of the season, they will need to start picking up wins very soon or it will be a big mountain to climb.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 2-0 win for Sunderland

Manchester United V Blackburn Rovers

Last weekend United were poor against Liverpool and deserved to lose and will want to get back to winning ways in the league this weekend and should have Darren Fletcher back to their line up but maybe missing both Vidic and Ferdinand with calf injuries, with Neville suspended and Giggs doubtful as well as park and hagreaves still not fit.

Blackburn are having a tough time Swine flu has hit their club and they have Chelsea and manchester United to contend with.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 3-0 win for Manchester United

Sunday

Birmingham City V Manchester City

Birmingham went against my prediction last week, i really didn’t think they would beat Sunderland and it was a good result, this time its big spending Manchester City who are currently 6th with a game in Hand.

City cruised past Scunthorpe, as they should have done, according to sky City spent more than 400 times what Scunthorpe did last summer. City, if they really have ambitions of top 4 need to really win games like this and i think they will.

Mystic Jarv predicts a 1-0 win for City

For all your Premier League Match Discussion visit Away Goals Rule Football Forum

More next week

Written by Jarv

PS Happy Halloween

Meg Predicts: "Sunderland three, Liverpool twoooooo"

For anyone who has used the shiny RSS feed thingy on the right, and therefore recieves new Eddies Football Blog articles direct to their inbox, I have to apologise. Last week you will have been waiting, betting slip in hand, for my all important Premier League Predictions. They never arrived. This means that you were forced to wander over to the BBC’s website and take advice from a man with a Scouse accent, a bad sense of humour, and a moustache. I hope that you have recovered fully from the trauma.

This week though, Premier League predictions are back with a bang.

Arsenal vs Tottenham

This derby is a big game, and my prediction is that lots of shouty, red-face men will congregate in North London in order to hurl abuse at each other. It is customary at this point to break out a few interesting stats about the last time Spurs won on Arsenal soil, or the date of the last time Arsenal won by six goals. I couldn’t be bothered with any of that though. You’ll undoubtedly get it off John Motson on Saturday monring during Football Focus.

I can see it now. “Did you know Dan, that the last time Spurs won away at Arsenal was in 1993. There was a steward at the ground that day by the name of David Grouse. I can tell you that his son, also named David Grouse, is a coach for Tottenham’s under 18 team, and he’ll be at the ground today”. John Motson is ’special’.

David Grouse or no David Grouse, with Lennon, Defoe and Modric all injured, Spurs haven’t got a chance.

Verdict: 3-1

Bolton vs Chelsea

The Blues travel to the Reebok on Saturday, and I heard a pundit on TV today describing this fixture as ‘essentially the reverse of the Carling Cup game that these two teams contested in midweek’. Perhaps. However, if this truly is the reverse of the midweek fixture the following things will happen…

Bolton will play slick, free-flowing, passing football, with frontman Kevin Davies bamboozling his opponents with his grace and stepovers. They will win the game 4-0, and none of those goals will come as a result of a big hoof down the pitch. By contrast, Chelsea will stick a wall of players behind the ball, and persist with long aerial balls to their lone front-man Didier Drogba. Drogba will also not dive once in the entire 90 minutes.

Let’s not kid ourselves, it’s not going to be the reverse of that fixture at all.

Verdict: 0-2

Burnley vs Hull

Based on this season’s results Burnley are marginally a better team than Hull. Burnley are at home. Burnley will win.

I tried to write something better than the above, I really did. But, come on, it’s Burnley vs Hull. If you said to a mate ‘I’m off to see Burnley vs Hull this Saturday’, I’m willing to bet that the majority of people would respond simply with ‘Why?!’.

That says it all.

Verdict: 3-2

Everton vs Aston Villa

David Moyes is officially the Anti-Incredible Hulk. As I’m sure you know, when you get The Hulk angry he reacts by ripping his clothes, turning green, and generally creating a lot of noise and mess. By contrast David Moyes this week, in protest to Everton having to play lots of football matches in a time-frame he was unhappy with, kept his clothes on, stayed the same colour, and simply refused to talk.

The silent treatment it is then. Well, if the BBC and the Premier League remember their days in the playground, then surely all they have to do to get him talking again is to pin him down and give him a turbo-noogie. That’d do it.

With Aston Villa still half asleep after their snore-fest with Sunderland in mid-week, and Everton ‘tired’, I think I’ve found this weekend’s 0-0. Hurrah, I knew it was hiding somewhere!

Verdict: 0-0

Fulham vs Liverpool

Bandwagon afficionados will be lumping all of their hard-earned cash on Liverpool this weekend. You see, having beaten Manchester United last weekend there are some people out there (mainly Liverpool fans) who will use the result to paper over some fairly hideous cracks in the Merseyside club’s squad. One result doesn’t change the fact that they still have Lucas in midfield. Neither does it hide the fact that they still have to replace a world-class striker with David Ngog. Oh, and Yossi Benayoun is still a incredibly ugly.

Fulham by contrast, have quietly had a good month. They haven’t lost a game in October in all competitions, and in their last two games played exceptionally well against the big-money stars of Roma and Manchester City. You wouldn’t have known any of that because they’re Fulham. No one really supports Fulham. Or follows them. They’re just that nice club on the river, with the tasty pies, the neutral stand, and a dancing badger as a mascot.

I’m sure Lawro will have expertly found a way of backing Liverpool for this one, but I’m behind the break-dancing badger.

Verdict: 2-1

Manchester United vs Blackburn

If you believe Wigan manager Roberto Martinez’s comments this week, the fourth official would have a hard time stopping Fergie and Big Sam from having one big love-in on the side of the pitch. Fortunately for the man in black’s touchline minion though, Allardyce is still suffering from the remnants of swine flu, after his masterplan of last week back-fired horrendously. He will therefore be in the stand.

This should allow Fergie to concentrate on the game, and use his hands solely for pointing, as he barks his team to a home win.

Verdict: 3-0

Portsmouth vs Wigan

Marlon King walks into a bar…

Ok, ok, jokes aside, this should be quite a fun a game of football. Wigan are looking a really good side lately, with the attacking threat of N’Zogbia and Rodallega really hurting their opponents. Portsmouth are fun to watch for a couple of reasons:

1. They have an evil super-villain sitting in the stands,
2. They have Aruna Dindane up front. After the two sitters he missed against Spurs a couple of weeks ago, I want to see how much closer he can get to the goal without scoring.

Both teams will attack each other. The bloke with the bell will smell, and annoy a vast section of the crowd. Wigan will win.

Verdict: 1-4

Stoke vs Wolves

Mick McCarthy has got a really funny looking head. Has anyone else noticed that? Sure, his voice is taken straight from the hovis adverts, which is funny enough, but I’m sure his head is a portal for another being (like that dead alien in the morgue in Men In Black). Suggestions and lookalikes on a postcard, or sent to http://eddiesfootballblog@hotmail.co.uk.

This game will be rubbish.

Verdict: 1-1

Sunderland vs West Ham

When you’ve just got out of hospital having survived multiple stab wounds to the legs, the last thing you need is to be charged for assault yourself. That’s exactly what happened to Hammers defender Callum Davenport this week, and it’s pretty typical of West Ham’s luck this season. Sitting precariously in the relegation zone, pocket-sized Italian manager Gianfranco Zola will have to use all the hand gestures he can think of to rally his troops for this game because Sunderland, much like Tom Huddlestone at a Pizza Hut buffet, are a force to be reckoned with this season.

Sunderland fan-favourite, captain, and general midfield hatchet-man Lorik Cana this week put down his scythe, and offered a few eerie words of advice to his team-mates. “When you give 100% you always have the respect of the fans”, he snarled, in between moutfuls of raw meat. My guess is that Darren Bent and co. will have more than just the fans to worry about if they lose.

Some say Kaizer Soze was Albanian…

Verdict: 3-1

Birmingham vs Manchester City

New Birmingham owner Carson Yeung has been warned by departing chief David Gold that cutting ticket prices will get the Midlands side relegated. Whilst financially there may be a good degree of truth to that, there is an even stronger argument to suggest that it is in fact a rubbish football team that gets you relegated. And unfortunately Birmingham aren’t very good. The fact that Yeung’s footballing advice will be coming from Steve McManaman is, as those who witnessed his mind-boggling ‘punditry’ on Setanta Sports last season will I’m sure agree, just the icing on a very wobbly looking cake.

Manchester City have suffered a few draws of late, but have Brazilian party-boy Robinho close to fitness which should improve spirits in the camp. Well, until Craig Bellamy hits him with a golf club that is.

Verdict: 0-2

I had an email from a fan today regarding ASLNM. Most unusual. The person asked me would I put this bit up so someone they knew could see it. Even more unusual. Still, I am an obliging authorclient so here it is (it’s from the early part, though I guess that is self-explnatory…)

# 1. Thirty-eight Games from Safety: Bolton (a)

This is what I thought the Premiership would be like: like visiting Monaco. Monaco is fascinating for an hour, or maybe two, but it takes no longer than that before the (full) realisation dawns that it is money, and money alone, that matters here. Monaco is a nauseating place full of nauseating concepts: if you’re the owner of a cruiser with a helipad then you’re a somebody, otherwise, you’re not. Having said that, I was once part of a collective of five Stoke fans who ate an excellent, and reasonably priced, lunch at a panoramic restaurant on the Virage du Portier. At the end of the meal we were the last diners in the place and we killed time talking to the waiters about the Grand Prix which led on to conversations about les femmes, le football, and other important matters. At ground level, as it turns out, there are real people in the principality.

Bolton is nothing like Monaco. In Bolton there are real people everywhere. Some of the residents of Bolton go beyond the real into the realm of the hyper-real. It is the ban against smoking indoors that deposits these hyper-real residents into the unforgiving glare of daylight, and we will meet them shortly. Meanwhile, Jack, who has a business managing and promoting a grime (rap) artist called Tinchy Stryder (who is not widely-known as we head to the north-west, but who will have a Top 5 single by the time we are beating Manchester City) had spent a good part of the four-hour plus journey not answering his phone. He was not answering it to one specific caller who repeatedly re-dialled, number withheld. It would be a disgruntled client, one who hadn’t received their ‘Star in the Hood’ Tinchy t-shirt, Jack said. We were discussing how he might improve his organisation so that members of the general public received their merchandise more efficiently. This was how I managed to miss the slip road that would have taken us directly to the Reebok Stadium. This was how we found ourselves in the downtown area of Bolton. Bad traffic all the way from Norwich had meant that we were running late anyway, it was two-thirty now, and the sidewalks were littered with groups of derelict men. The sun was high in the sky and it threw the men into ghastly relief. It was here that the effects of the smoking ban could be observed in their full horror. The reason for Snug bars is to keep people like these off the streets. Jack let the window down at a red light and asked one of these groups the way to the ground. Close up they were as derelict as they were from a distance, if not more so, with an added touch of the music hall tramp as rendered by Toulouse-Lautrec.
‘What?’ one of the tramps said, leaning forward. The veins on his faces were like boot marks in ice.
‘The football,’ we shouted, a word that only provoked further puzzlement. ‘Bolton Wanderers,’ Jack called out, as an additional clue.
‘No, no, no!’ They all joined in now. ‘There’s no football played round here,’ they said, ‘Hasn’t been for years: Charlie. That’s where they wants to go. Charlie. They play football in Charlie.’
‘Where’s that?’ Jack shouted, an enquiry that provoked an un-rehearsed and un-coordinated choreography as the various arms of the various tramps wind-milled around. Based on this charade, Charlie could have been anywhere. The lights changed and we drove away from the side-effect of the smoking ban, a horror show which has thrown the entrails of the drinking man out onto the outside world, where he does not belong. A hundred yards on we cornered by a BMW garage, which I looked at. I was thinking about a new car; now I was a Premiership fan, I needed an upgrade to go with my elevated status, an upgrade perhaps equipped with Sat Nav (though Sat Nav is a concept I dislike, it would surely make life predictable, like Pulisball, and you would miss out on sideshows such as the inhabitants of Bolton on a Saturday afternoon).
‘What the hell were they saying?’ asked Jack. He might support Stoke City, but his ear is tuned into the patois of rap and grime, and to southern vowel sounds. I asked him look at the map to see if there was anywhere round there called Chorley…

31st October