Naahhhh… I’m just screwing with you.

But contact me for some uncensored Alan Smithee photos, the kind that you could use to your advantage <wink, wink>.

Eating with relatives you don’t like is always a delight.

(pic is from here)

VIDEO (640×480; 242 mb; 6′33”; Xvid; ac3)

PART 1 (122 mb)
PART 2 (119 mb)

Because I’m a guy.

REAL
Her dress is 100% natural fiber

(Tila Tequila)

I’ve seen worse

Picture by: dunno source Caption by: ail via Poster Builder

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Você já parou pra imaginar qual o percurso que seus seios fazem durante toda sua vida? Ela já. E ele é lindo do início ao fim. Na minha idade, na sua idade. Seios na flor da idade.

(É só clicar na foto pra ver o vídeo)

Post by Jeff McKee

Just finished a week of straight boat surfing on Slingshot’s latest creation, “The Arcane” surf board. I’m usually not one for boat surfing, but the Arcane has changed that. It’s not a boat-surf board, it’s a surf board for the boat. THe thing rips. Tony Logosz, our chief product designer at Slingshot even made the trek down to surf it with us as we shot photo’s / video with my two favorite media masters Bryan Soderlind and Josh McWilliams. We also had the chance to take it to Cocoa beach for some real surf and watched Mark Pachiatti get barreled on the 5′0″ fish shape. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s the only surf board for the boat that’s ever been fully barreled. Here’s a sneak peak of the images shot by “Bear”. Look out for the Arcane in the next issue’s of alliance and wakeboard mag as well as a SICK video on alliancewake.com in the upcoming weeks. I’m off to “get shacked” on the Arcane…wish me luck!

VIDEO (640×480; 129 mb; 3′57”; Xvid; ac3)

VIDEO (640×480; 53 mb; 2′45”; XviD; ac3)

VIDEO (640×480; 22 mb; 57”; Xvid; ac3)

We get it. You’re a transvestite. No one cares anymore.

(pic is from here)

by sylvia

Well, today is the day.  The day of Bianca’s debut as a runway model at a local fashion show.  She’s been practicing for 8 (!) weeks to get her walk down pat, her fierce on (thanks, Tyra) and find her inner supermodel.  I’m sure she’s going to be fantastic, but I’ll let her tell you all about it next week.

Let’s get back to talking about me, one of my favorite subjects.

This fashion show was quite a thorn in my side there for awhile.  Why, you ask?  Well, I’m getting to that.

When we tried out, we basically thought we would either both get it or not get it, not the other option of only one of us.  And my initial feeling was that if I made it, I wouldn’t do it if Bianca didn’t.  Because we tried out for it as something fun, something for both of us to do together.  BFF and all that shit.

But before we even found out who made it and who didn’t, we decided whomever made it should do it, regardless.  And I was cool with it because I’m an adult and not a jealous bitch, right?

Well, the day of the callbacks came and went, and neither of us received a call or email.  And then I got my rejection email, which read very similar to a job rejection letter and quite formal for what I thought was a cheesy local fashion show (it’s not so cheesy, we found out).  But Bianca had received nothing. 

Until the next day. 

And when she told me that they wanted her, my heart dropped.  I felt like I had eaten 40 lbs of bread and with nothing to drink.  I hadn’t really prepared myself for that, even though I always knew it was a possibility.  Besides, Bianca is fabulous and more comfortable with her body.  But the only thing I could think about was R E J E C T I ON.  I was rejected.

As happy as I wanted to be for her, I felt worse about myself.  I’ve spent so much of my life avoiding situations where I could be rejected, and then when I put myself out there, rejection just threw up in my face.  It was a terrible lesson to learn – don’t bother putting yourself out there because you’re just going to be rejected.

But I’m beyond that, right?  I mean, I’m a 35 year old adult, I should be past the whole “afraid of rejection” thing.  Yeah right.

I must admit that I wouldn’t have been so bothered by it if we had both been rejected.  But we weren’t.

I went home that night and cried.  Sure, it’s just a silly fashion show, right?  But all my life I have felt rejected by the way I looked.  Whether it was my face or my fat self or how tall I was, any rejection I got was from my physical self.   And now, here it was happening again.

I felt like I wasn’t even good enough for the other fatties.  Even if I accepted myself for being fat, I still wasn’t good enough to be in a plus-size fashion show that was celebrating fat women of all ages and ethnicities.

So it was a hard couple of weeks for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hide under a blanket and cry for weeks.  But it made me realize that my “acceptance” still had a lot of work to do.

And poor Bianca, she wanted to badly to be excited about it, which she should be, but she was also concerned about hurting my feelings talking about it.

So I did some soul-searching.  And realized that I could analyze and overanalyze why they wanted Bianca over me, and I would never EVER get the answer.

And I became ok with how things worked out.  Not just ok, but honestly very happy for Bianca because I knew she would shine.  They wanted her for a reason, and she would rock that shit out.

And once I told her that it did in fact make me feel bad at first, I know she was relieved to hear me say to her truthfully, “I want you to talk about it with me, you have every right to be excited about it!”

So, I learned me some lessons from all this:

• Being rejected just means you weren’t right for that for whatever reason.  You can’t take it personally or you will end up going insane
• Modeling may not be my thing – I’m probably better at other things
• Everything happens for a reason
• Not all girls are bitches
• Me and Bianca may be fierce on our own, but we are pretty damn flabulous together:

This is a classic youtube video that you’ve all probably seen. I think it’s funny, but most of all –check out the knockers on this chick!

Here is something completely different, but a funny one too…

VIDEO (640×480; 240 mb; 14′20”; Xvid; ac3)

PARTE 1 (121 mb)
PARTE 2 (118 mb)

VIDEO (352×288; 65 mb; 3′37”; Xvid; ac3)

This is another Matt Dillion and Diane Lane movie.  You should watch it.  You also get to see Diane Lane’s boobies.

by sylvia

So I don’t know if any of you know this, but I’m a big girl.  Not necessarily in a figurative way, but definitely in a literal way.  I’m 5′10″, I have size 11 feet, wear a 44G bra, and weigh about 270 (+/- 10lbs).  And that’s not muscle.  I also have big hair.  Plus, I take after my mom’s side of the family, so am also big-boneded, in a German-stock stereotypical way.

So I’m a big girl.  Some might dare say “husky”, but if they did, I’m sure my passive aggressive self would find some way to make them feel bad about it.

But I’m coming to terms with that.  However, that is not the point of this drivel.

I’m not sure others are comfortable with it.  Sure, it’s true that if you have confidence in yourself, others pick up on it and you can almost trick people into believing that you are not as fat as you really are.  Wait, can you actually do that? 

But because a lot of people assume that fat people are automatically self-conscious and therefore should be complimented like walking on so many eggshells, I find it an interesting behavioral phenomenon.

For example, talking to an older man today that a lot of us around here know.  He saw a shirt on my desk from one of the companies we do business with.  I asked him if he wanted it because A) he would get more use out of it than I would because B) it was an XL and C) it was white.  I get stains on my black clothes, so white shirt + boob shelf + love of food = ruined shirt.

He told me it was too big for him, but I should keep it because it would fit me (how little did he know).  And then he proceeded to say, “you know, because you’re bigger than me” (no biggie – ha – he is kind of a little guy) and I agreed with him, and then he started stumbling, thinking he said something wrong and when he tried to “fix” the situation, I stopped him and said “it’s a no win situation.”

He laughed, and I explained to him no matter what he said at this point it was going to seem like either an insult or creepy.  And not because I would think it either way, but I could see the embarrassment welling up within him. 

Because even though his intentions were benign, the way society works sometimes is against those who are trying to be nice.  I believe he was honestly trying to compliment me (I think he actually said “you’re bigger, but it looks good on you” or something like that), but a few years ago, his statements would have made me feel terrible.  And I would have harped on them for at least a day.  But now, not so much.  Cuz I am a big girl – DUH.  Did you see my stats up there?

But it also reminded me of this woman who is on the new season of Tough Love.  If you’re not familiar with Tough Love, it is a reality show where a professional matchmaker (who can also be an incredible douche) brings 8 women who have dating problems to this house for a 10-week Boot Camp.  Check out the link if you want to learn about what their problems are, but I find it fascinating because I think all of us can relate to some of their behaviors, and it’s interesting to see them come to terms with them.

The person I am most interested in watching the development of is Jenna.  Jenna was overweight her entire life and just recently lost a lot of weight.  But she still thinks like her fat self.  When she watched men talk about their interaction with her, all she picked up on was what she thought were insults.  In actuality, they had great things to say about her, but she heard someone say “thick” or something to that effect, and she heard nothing else.

So she’s not fat anymore.  But she’s still insecure.  Big surprise, right?

And all she hears are insults, and completely missing the compliments.

I can totally relate.  I just hope she learns to love herself in the process, not just find love.  I’ll be watching, if and when I remember, to see what happens.

so i’ve been generally coy about posting on the latest slew of nsfw videos. more and more artists have been shameless about exposing their um, shame. from girls’ phallic microphone acts to the flaming lips’ wayne coyne baring all, it seems nudity is the new frontier and yeasayer plan to technologically and stylistically trump their forebears (get it? bares?) while not officially a video, or even containing more than 10 seconds of the actual song, yeasayer’s point and gawk method of watching nudity lets you really choose how perverse, or artful, you choose to be.

yeasayer on myspace

watch (nsfw):

yeasayer – ambling alp

download:

yeasayer – ambling alp

- sunbear

Who knew making an unfunny sketch conedy would be hilarious?

(pic is from here)

Colored Pens & Watercolor on Watercolor Paper.

In case you didn’t figure it out from the title of this post, I’m now 30 years old. That’s right. Thirty years of running amok on this planet and we’ve both survived so far. That’s fantastically awesome news. To be completely honest, I was just a little unsure of what would happen the day of the big 3-0.

I spent my 29th year fielding a lot of inquiries into how I feel about turning 30. They all said my 20’s are now over but technically, my 20’s aren’t over until I hit 31. That’s the true start of my 30’s but whatever. Minor technical matter.

It seems like people were split into 2 camps. The “OMFG-YOU’RE-30-LIFE-IS-OVER-NOW-AS-YOU-KNOW-IT” group. I’m call them the Drama Freaks from now on. Then there was the “Dude-30’s-Is-The-New-20’s” group of people. I’m gonna call them Party People.

So the Drama Freaks were preaching all the doom and gloom about how my metabolism is gonna go down, my boobs will succumb to gravity, my energy will rival that of my grandparents and I’m going to be all around boring. I listened to what they had to say because everyone deserves that much (….unless you’re medically psychotic in which case I’m supposed to reorient, redirect and hope to God you don’t freak out on me. This is why I don’t work in psych, people) and this is what I came up with.

Eat, Drink And Be Merry

I don’t see why this is such a big deal. If my metabolism goes down, then all that means I have to do with work out a bit more. I used to work out 3 hours a day, 6 times a week for years. If cells truly have memory, then I have that slight advantage in my favor. Besides, I like walking. I like swimming. I got my ass kicked surfing but that was actually pretty fun. I’m pretty active when I’m not being a total lazy slug so I think I’m okay.

I also don’t like super greasy foods. I don’t like fried stuff either. My taste in food runs to lighter fares like sashimi, sushi, Japanese cuisine, Korean food and steamed lobsters. Omfg….lobsters…..

I have to admit to being a complete freak for pizza though. However, even then, I’m pretty good about it because I don’t like deep dish pizza. I like the NY style pizza. The reason for that is simple.

I consider the space in my stomach as valuable real estate. I can only handle so much at a time before I seriously have trouble keeping it all down. Therefore, I view things like rice, pasta and overkill of pizza dough as space wasters. Why on earth would you want to chew on a mouthful of pizza dough anyway?! You can barely taste the toppings!! Silly people.

My other secret weapon? I have an imaginary tapeworm. I’ll introduce him to you guys at a later point.

Do Your Boobs Hang Low

Everything at one point will succumb to gravity. That’s a fact of life. In an effort to battle this, women have been offered an arsenal of weaponary at our disposal. These include but are not limited to :

- everything Victoria’s Secret offers
- something known as the Waterbra
- Dr. 90210

Before you anti plastic surgery people get your panties all in a bunch, I’m not telling women to go under the knife. I’m merely stating the obvious which is that it’s an option. I personally have never had anything enhanced but that’s because I won the genetic lottery. I got lucky.

Battery Low

I don’t know about your grandparents but when my dad’s parents and my mom’s dad was still alive, they were super active and extremely independant. My grandma partied harder than I did/do, my paternal grandfather kept his mind playing mah jong at lightning speed and my maternal grandfather could lap me at the tracks whenever we went for a walk.

Mind over matter, baby. If you can think it you can be it and I know myself well enough to know when I gotta sit my ass down and when I’m ready to party till the sun comes up.

Speaking of the sun coming up, I didn’t sleep for over 30 hours the last night I was in Vegas this past weekend. Yeah. How’s that for low energy levels. ^^

Boooring….

This is the one I couldn’t understand. So just because I hit 30 means I’m boring now? How is that remotely possible? I figure if I was boring to begin with then boring I’m gonna be regardless of what age I am. That being said, if I WASN’T boring to begin with, then my personality is still going to be the same when I’m 30.

After thinking about this for a while, I think I figured it out.

I noticed a change in the places I go. Instead of always wanting to hit up the hottest clubs like when I was in my early 20’s, I like going to places where I don’t have to stand outside for 5 hours before I’m finally let in just in time for the bar to call last call.

Clubbing is no longer a full time job….as in, I’m not out shaking what my Momma gave me 6 times a week. I’ll go out once or twice a week instead. I’ll even mix it up with doing things that don’t involve getting drunktarded every night….like catching a movie and then hitting a lounge after.

Stock Photo Fail

Picture by: 5echo Submitted by: 5echo via Fail Uploader