I’m soo sick of being in his boring house with nothing to do, can’t buy anything because my dumb nut mom has no money and can’t go anywhere because my dumb nut mom wants to stay in the house. Cant drive myself anywhere becaue my dumb nut mom wont take me to the damn DMV. I need a job but I have filled out at least 100 application within the past 3 months and got only 2 interviews which I could go to because of my dumb nut mom. I cant wait to graduate!!!!

I’m bored, the kids are still sleeping, and I thought I’d write a post about some of the things I like since I can’t write right now (I’ve been beating my head against the wall all morning but it’s not helping the writer’s block).

*I love music. Adore it. Couldn’t live without it. It picks me up when I’m down. It soothes me when I’m homicidal frustrated. It keeps me clinging to that last bit of sanity. There’s nothing like screaming vocals, shrieking guitars, and the loud drumbeat pounding in your ears to soothe the savage beast within.

*Most people I know listen to mellow music when they need to relax. Not me, I love my metal and it helps me relax like nothing else, except maybe some really good incense and candlelight. Of course, music, candlelight and fresh incense all together is a great combination. Not that stick incense, that stuff is foul. I mean incense made from fresh herbs and mixed with sawdust. That is the best kind of incense. I love to make my own incense.

*This is one of my favorite Mulder quotes from the X-Files:

“I didn’t lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.”

*I don’t have cable right now, which means I don’t have tv at all, so I watch a lot of DVDs, mostly seasons of tv I’ve purchased on DVD. My favorites are: The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Charmed, Supernatural, Psych, 3rd Rock from the Sun (not to be confused with 30 Rock, which I’ve never seen), and Burn Notice. I have every season of all those series, except for Charmed, which I’m still collecting.

*But, I tend to read more than I watch tv, part of why I don’t mind not having cable right now. I love books in the fantasy and horror genres mostly. My favorite authors are Kim Harrison, Laurell K. Hamilton, and Weis and Hickman. There are some good international writer’s out there as well, such as Jhumpa Lahiri and Bapsi Sidwa (I think I spelled those correctly.) I’ve also started reading poetry recently in an attempt to improve my own poetry writing. Dorothy Parker is my favorite poet so far.

*I read a lot of nonfiction too. Lately most of the non fiction I read is about my spiritual path, which is Wicca, and I find it very uplifting. I also enjoy reading mythology, as well as reading about science, writing, and a few other things I can’t recall right now.

*My house is filled with books. I could probably start my own bookstore. Not only are the bookshelves full but books are stacked in every available spot, in the corners, against the walls, shoved under tables. I love books. I’ll never be one that uses Kindle or something to read. I like holding an actual book in my hand. And shopping at the used bookstore is so fun, it’s my favorite thing to do when I have a little extra money. Someday I hope to have an extra room that I can turn into a library with those big shelves and rolling ladders.

That’s enough about me for today.

Hugs, Fiona

I just realized Tuesday is the start of December….how did that happen? (Not that I’m complaining, I’d like to get to  next semester as quickly as possible…) Anyway, I figure if I write out what I have in mind for Tuesday I might remember to do it….

(in no particular order:)

1. Start figuring out logistics of my workspace in the storage room for when the box materials arrive.
2. Cross-reference my list of items I’m making boxes for with the catalog system to see which ones only need an updated record and which need to be cataloged from scratch.
3. Put the finished shelf of scores from the cart on a shelf in a temporary location and reload with more scores that need to be converted.
4. (If I get bored or want to take a break) Look up how to make label templates…I figure I should put some sort of decorative touch on the box labels so they look nice. (This way they can look nice and we don’t have to spend the money on fancy book plates.)

Now let’s see how much of this I actually accomplish….

What I thought to be a long weekend is not going to be one after all. I was out the whole day today to attend to some business project matters with my supposed business partners. Discussions and works carried on for over three hours and it was at some point of time tough to come up with some great ideas to work on. Met JX and Les at Expo to walk the SITEX 2009 to see if there is anything that we need. Apparently, we were priced out by the prices on offer and have to abort all plans to purchase anything. Went for dinner at Bedok 85 before heading home. Work again tomorrow…

Newest games are resource hogs? Too short? Boring?! Well, believe it or not, the solution is trying out various flash games over at:

Notdoppler (updated every Thursday with games which are generally found at the links below. ND makes pretty good selections, generally.)

Armorgames

Kongregate

Have fun.

it’s currently 7:39pm and having only been conscious for the past 5 hours this hari raya haji, i have done nothing. it’s time like these where i absolutely hate myself. i just consumed a big bag of seaweed – a feat which i am both proud and ashamed of – and have watched numerous episodes of television programs on my new screen, but more on that later…if i get off my ass and get the cable to upload the pictures (shhh…cable is only in the next room).

i have stooped to a new low!

Bhubaneshwar boy behind the cigarette,
puffing out his Old Town dreams;
Black grooves on his fingers,
dark as Maalisaahi streets.

Smirk on his face, bitterness in mouth,
Cuttack in the north, Bhubaneshwar to the south;
Open pits and uncovered drains,
sweeping away the filth from sinful rains.

A city of non-believers, slimy serpents,
a forgotten past and of course,
Gods staring out of walls,
armed with swords and tridents,
from their seats lest they fall.

The glowing cigarette, a riot in the night,
like a ghostly galleon in space,
circled by puffs swirling in the dim light;
When Gods creep indoors and Demons rule the roads,
darkness ushers in a tormenting sight.

Our boy walks alone, prince of the dark streets;
Pleading Gods and fearful Ghosts brushed arrogantly aside;
Bhubaneshwar on the tip of his cigarette,
the kid lights it up with that knowing smile in his eyes.

Nail biting you got me again!  It hurts after you get to where the nail is connected with the rest of the finger, but how else do you grossly and awkwardly halt boredom?  I’ve heard of bitter stuff you put on your nails to get you to stop biting them, but that reminds me a little too much of sour apple spray you train a dog with.

I’ve been way too late since whenever I first wrote about my lack of sleep due to not sleeping and then waking up early.  Recently, I’ve been trying to put together my ideal soundtrack for what would play during Grizzly Skag Bear.

Here are three songs that would definitely be on the soundtrack:

Say Anything – Woe

Weezer – El Scorcho

A Day To Remember – NJ Legion Iced Tea

Those are some starters.  Write you’re own movie if you want to create your own made up soundtrack.

The first correct response is the only one that counts.

Clue: this person is famous (but shouldn’t be)

It just goes to show that if you know the right people, even the most untalented people in the world can get a job where they get to meet and interview cool people, cool bands, and all without any hint of personality or anything that would add anything to the conversations.  The stereotypical “frat boy” image wasn’t cool or funny or entertaining to begin with, but you kept on with it.  Did you just hear laughter at one of your “jokes”…. No?  Neither did I.  Naturally, you’re on Twitter, with nothing to say.

That’s all the info you get.

Out of sight, out of mind right?  As soon as I get back to Bloomington, and see a few people I haven’t in a while, Winona is hardly an after thought.  I can focus again.  I even did homework on a holiday.  Sadly, the movie will have to wait until some other priorities are taken care of.  Yes, I discovered what those are.

A friend of  mine introduced me to The Avett Brothers, and their album I and Love and You.  The title track is incredible.  I could listen to it for days straight and not get sick of it.  The rest of the album is just as good.  Those guys prove that bands today do give a shit about the music they make and produce.  If I could, I would open the movie with one of their songs.

Thanksgiving was great.  I talked to a lot of relatives I don’t normally get to talk with regularly.  It’s felt like a lot longer day than it’s really been, but thats most likely from the food.

SO here it is. First post. Not really sure what Im doing here but blogs look promising. Just hope I can keep everyones interest. Figured ill post a pic i just made while I was bored at home.

The result of boredom

Probably should go and start working on finishing some of these school projects but Im distracted…theres a Godfather marathon on tv.  Anyway Im out for now.

1ne Love

I have found out some very interesting things about a certain someone today. And because it’s not my place to tell, I have turned to my blog.

I HAVE FOUND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEONE AND I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT IT IS!!! I WISH I COULD!!! IT’S KILLING ME!! IT’S FUNNY AND SAD!!!

THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION TO ME!! I HAVE THE KEY TO OPEN EYES AND I HAVE THE KEY TO CAUSE DESTRUCTION!!!! BUT no, the key is not for my door.

One of the changes I’ve noticed in myself over the past year is a sudden inability to look people in the eye.

I still do it, a little bit. But I am absolutely certain that I never used to have such a large degree of trepidation when I was talking to people. Even people I know, friends, family. I can’t look at them for more than a second before before I’m having to look away.

I think a large part of it is down to my collapsing self-confidence over the last year. Confidence that has been knocked again and again because of my continual feelings of inadequacy. That I’m not achieving the life I thought I would. That I was promised going to university and getting a good degree would set me down the path of a really good life.

Unfortunately, none of that has happened. It’s been, as I have chroniced tirelessly since June last year, a complete failure. I had such high hopes, and high expectations on my shoulders, and none of it has come to pass.

That must have taken its toll on me. I can’t even look people like my mum and dad in the eye for very long any more. They can be trying to talk seriously to me, but I can’t bear to look for long. I feel like I don’t want to acknowledge their presence. If they look me in the eyes for too long, I fear they’ll see right through me and notice that I’m, these days, incredibly close to tears at the plight of this ridiculous situation I’m in.

It might improve, but I’ve been saying that all year. My business has struggled badly since I moved away, which has been a major disappointment. I really thought that working with my housemate would make all the difference, but it hasn’t. It has gone nowhere. All his ideas and promises have come to nothing. I’ve had two customers here in nearly a month. That’s not going to sustain £700/month living costs.

So what am I supposed to do? As I’ve scrawled a million times before, I really want to run a business. I don’t want to work for other people. But maybe I have to.

But to work for others, and to get through interviews, I’d need to dredge up some confidence from somewhere.

And when you’re at rock bottom after 18 months of near inactivity, that’s pretty damn hard. If you can’t bear to look people in the eye, they’re not going to trust you. That’s difficult for me right now.

I’m going to give it till Christmas. Then I’ll decide what to do.

came up with this one during one of my boring lectures:

mujhey khana hain santri santra

yehi hain meri life ka one and only funda…

I’m so out of everything – focus, determination, motivation, lotion, and the list goes on. I have a five-paged personal gender theory paper due tomorrow, I haven’t started yet, I have no idea how, and here I am chillin’ and bloggin’. So cool. LOL

Most people probably don’t realize that sometimes, erm, most of the time, I don’t actually mean what I say. I mean, I make either comic or sarcastic comments and then people take me seriously and then– I’m to lazy to think of a conclusion to that sentence.

A scary, evil higad attacked me at our org tambayan this afternoon. Funny because I didn’t even notice it, I didn’t even feel it walking in my arm. I just felt something hurt just below my wrist and there I saw several, no, many legs of an evil higad embedded on my easily-irritated skin. It’s fuckin’ itchy and I had to put vinegar on it so the legs would come off.  But that’s not it. When I stood up and turned around, my orgmates squeaked and then I realized that the evil higad is still at the back part of my shoulder. It is indeed the evil higad’s day to annoy me.

On lighter things, we went swimming again last night at our place in Shaw. We again attempted to escape reality. It was just a random idea but well life’s about choices so we made one. Whuuuut? Anyways, I don’t want to put any pictures this time because, uhh, they’re not for everyone to see. And we weren’t even drunk. At all. Haha

I am so bored and drained. Ugh. How dare me get bored when I have a deadline tomorrow?!

Oh Lord! I am yawning. I am that tired sitting without a thing to do. Well, yes there is stuff to do but it’s not as if the world will sue me if I don’t do it all today.

Seriously, I think I must think my way out of this. Either that or a handsome company must offer me the handsomest job of my life!

This post is probably going to be one of those guilt posts that I do every now and then. Oh, you know the guilt post. A guilt post happens when you find yourself at the intersection of boredom and free-time obligations (ex. a blog). Thus, you write a guilt post. What this means for you, Audience, is that you will be subjected to a post with no pressing issue or common theme. In fact, I’m only writing this until Stephen calls, at which point I’ll ust end abruptly. Consider this your warning.
So! Today I slept very late. Even after sleeping so late, I still had to force myself out of the bed. I am toying with a personal perpetual-sleep theory. Wanna hear it?
Theory: Given that Ellen has no more obligations or duties in her life, she could sleep forever and ever.
As amazing as that sounds, I don’t really think that I would enjoy that. No, after about 16 hours or so, I’d probably get up and do something. I’m way to high maintenance to sleep forever. Still, it’s a theory.
I’ve been wondering something recently (as in today). I’ve decided I’d share it with you.
When I’m at school, I’m the most compulsive rule-follower ever. Caution and Hesitancy are my middle names. However, at camp I am much more willing to take risk and to be impulsive. Why is this?
I love who I am at camp. I believe it’s because I am most myself there. I can laugh really loud, take a little risk, be a little grimy and it’s all good. Everyone loves everyone else for exactly who they are.
there are only a few other places where I can bear the very depths of my soul. My home, for one, is a place where I find myself really comfortable. But I feel most myself when I’m with Stephen. Even more than camp. I can be totally transparent with him, and he with me. Amazing.
My head is hurting behind my left eye in the temple region (I told you I didn’t have anything to talk about). It’s weird though- if I put pressure on my temple, it makes the headache go away temporarily. Strange!
I’m headed to bed now. Happy Thanksgiving!

We were talking about tattoos at dinner tonight.  We seem to do this a lot and I don’t know why, we don’t have any tattoos.  This time we drifted into the tattoo conversation when Princess O announced that her friend M had come to school this week with newly pierced ears.  And that she got her ears pierced at Claire’s because she has a normal mom.

I countered that getting your ears pierced at the tattoo parlor is way cooler and besides at least I had some confidence that they knew what they were doing over there.

So once we were talking about the tattoo parlor it was only a matter of time before we started talking about tattoos.  The children have come up with a lot of ideas for Tom.  They think he should take advantage of all the bare skin on the top of his head and embellish it.  So far the front-runners are baseball stitches or a zipper.

Once we had discussed what Tom could tattoo on his head for a while The C-man started coming up with ideas for his own body art (once he turns 18 because I’m not signing that permission slip).  He suggested getting this tattooed on your arm.

I am (adjective) because I’m (adjective).

“It’s like a Mad-Lib” he said.  ”That way you would never be bored.”

I think he just might be on to something.

So .. bored. I actually finished all my homework, so here goes nothing:

Even though we haven’t spoken to one another,

even though we drifted apart,

even though you dated another girl,

I’m still reaching for that star

Even though we got into arguments,

even though you made me cry,

even though you let go of my hand,

I’m still reaching for that star

So, whatever comes my way,

and whatever chances I have to take,

I’ll reach that star,

because the prize will be you