It seems rather fitting that I return to my blogging to discover that my last post was during my bonding leave several months ago.  Well folks, I’m happy to say that I again am on bonding leave.  I guess my leave technically ended last week, but we are wrapping up our family time in Texas.  It’s been a great three weeks getting to see all the families for an extended time.  And the boys have changed so much since March, it’s unbelievable how fast time flies.  Chase has teeth #3 and #4 coming in.  Caleb has teeth #5 and #6 coming in and has also started taking a few steps walking by himself.  It was really cool to be in Texas to have our families be able to see some of these first steps.

And before we know it, 2009 will be done and the boys will be a year old!  Wow, it’s hard to imagine that.  But they say the first year is the hardest (or the easiest, I can’t remember).  I doubt they will be this easy, but we sure have had a great year with these boys.  Catch you guys on the flip flop, later!

Family pic at the Williams Ranch

I’ve started reading another blog recently, a pretty popular one at that, called Violent Acres. It’s full of stories and musings of the author, and they’re all thought-provoking and interesting.

In a lot of ways, the author and I are polar opposites, but in a lot of ways we’re the same. I tend to fall back on pop culture when I have nothing to say; V (the author) always has something to say. V prefers to be anonymous, whereas I’ve given you enough information to run a Google search and find pictures of me, where I live, etc.

But usually, I agree with what V says about people and society.  She’s very sensible.

However, I have to disagree with a post of hers.

Boys and girls aren’t that different.  Take it from me, who was bullied by boys.  There are subtleties in boy society, and if you don’t fit in perfectly you’ll be ostracized.  Like V, most of my friends were the opposite gender.  Being a boy in a girl circle gives me a different perspective from her.

Boys don’t just “snap [you] with a wet towel in the locker room. Or [...] play keep away with [your] basketball. Or you lick [their] finger[s] and stick it in [your] ear.”  Boys and girls will bully you the same way.  Boys will “gathered [their] harpy friends around [them] in a circle so they could whisper and giggle and shoot nasty looks in [your] direction.”  It’s happened to me.

Boys can ruin a reputation.  They know exactly the way to go about it, to tag you with something and have it follow you for the rest of your school life.  It starts as a mean comment and evolves into an absolute fact that everyone believes–I’ve heard of guys that had rumors spread that they stabbed someone, or raped someone, or were, heaven forbid, gay (this last one is what they called me, and I never got it–if I was gay, would I mind? Since I’m not, should I?)  Just like “Wendy wanted to make [V] into an outcast,” the boys who bullied me wanted the same.

V writes, “If I bent over to grab something out of my locker, they’d oh so accidentally bump into me and knock my head against the metal.”  Boys would do the same, or they’d throw a football at your face and claim that it “slipped.”

Nearly everything that V writes that girls would do, boys would do too.  They did to me.  “The main goal of Girl Bullying is to completely destroy your self esteem” needs to be revised to “The main goal of bullying is to completely destroy your self esteem.” It works regardless of gender.

When I was bullied, I could categorize three groups of people.  There were the lead bullies, about three of them.  Then there were their “friends,” who were scared of them or wanted to seem cool.  The last group was most of the rest of the school, who took what these people said as Gospel.  All of these groups had one thing in common: they never took the time to try and actually get to know me at all, and instead rested upon their assumptions.  I suppose that my friends, the ones who did know me, would make a fourth, non-bullying group.

“Girl bullies are far more complicated and sophisticated than boy bullies.”  This is simply untrue, and comparing our stories would reveal that.

The next part of V’s post, where she describes the differences in dealing with bullies, is pretty accurate.  Had I been able to kick my antagonists’ asses at football or something, I would have gained some respect.  Using the girl methods wouldn’t have worked at all.

What I’m saying is that bullies aren’t so different depending on gender.  Boys are sneaky, but they’re smart.  They can ruin your reputation and self esteem much the same way girls can, and that can follow you throughout the rest of your life.

Record number of questions this week! Sorry to those of you who haven’t been answered–Tuffy’s trying to work her way through as many of them as she can!! In the meantime, keep sendin’ those questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and I’ll keep answerin’ them, one by one!

Confidential to Terry: Don’t stay with him if you don’t love him. Stop cheating on him and leave him. If you are living with him, please, please move back home with your parents (or other trusted relatives) right away. I wish you so much luck, girl.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about a month ago.  Even though I know he’s struggling with the break up, and it’s no walk in the park for me either, we’ve been on pretty good terms.  We chat a few times a week and haven’t fought since the break up.  But I have a favor to ask of him, and I know it’s gonna hurt him because he’ll think I don’t trust him.  I need him to erase the pictures I sent him while we were dating.  It was long distance and I know it was dumb to take the pictures in the first place, but now they’re there, and he has them.

Is there a waiting period for this kind of thing?  It’s not like he’s the kind of guy to send them out to the internet in a fit of bitter rage, even if he was bitter or on less than good terms with me right now.  Even so, eventually, they’ve gotta go.  I’m pretty sure he’ll take offense, and ask why I trusted him with them before and not now (if only because erasing them will be a sign that we’re done for good – which we are).  What do I tell him?  What do I do if he refuses to erase them?

Model Ex

Dear Model Ex,

This is actually a really tough one. Not because it’s tragic or anything, but, like–well, what do you do?

Oh, but that’s my job. So, here goes:

Since you two are on good terms, I do think it’s likely that he’ll be willing to erase them–or, more likely, willing to tell you he’s erasing them. So I guess that’s the real issue, right? How do you know they’re actually gone?

There is, inevitably, this little issue of trust, right? I mean, you yourself think his feelings will be hurt when you ask him to erase them because it would mean you don’t trust him. And there’s something to that. I mean, you did give him the pictures. That means they’re his now.

HOWEVER, I am totally on your side on this one. Even though you gave them to him, you did so while you were in a relationship, to be used as, er, romantic materials while you two were still together. Now that you are not together, Tuffy thinks that makes the contract null and void. If you no longer wish for him to have those pictures now that you don’t have the same relationship, then you should have the right to take them back.

The only problem is, nothing ever disappears from the Internet.

Let this be a lesson to you, kids. Once you take the sexy time pictures and set them free unto the web–well, that’s that. You lose control. Model Ex’s tale could easily be a cautionary one. Fortunately, Model Ex, you’re still on good terms with this guy, so hopefully you’ll have a happy ending (and all the creepsters on the Internet won’t).

So Tuffy’s got this crazy little idea that you may or may not like. Think of it as a sort of funeral for your relationship. Make a plan to meet up with this guy as soon as you can (I know you’re long distance) and have a good, long chat about your relationship and the breakup. Some upsetting stuff might come up, but hopefully it’ll just be a feel-good kind of deal, and either way it’s important closure. As a final act of closure, the two of you can delete those photos together. It’ll be symbolic and crap. No, but really, it’ll be the two of you saying: this was great but now it’s come to an end.

Annnd hopefully he hasn’t backed them up.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

2 stories, 2 things that pissed me off, and 1 piece of news.

In chem class yesterday, I was really bored and just fooling around. Then I drew this picture of my friend, Eric, who’s really goofy and sits a couple seats away. The picture came out really well, and the boy sitting next to me, James, told me I should give it to Eric. So I wrote “To: Eric” on it, and signed it with my name. I was going to give it to him after class but James says “This isn’t like high school, you won’t get detention. Just hand it to him.” So I did, and the entire left side of the classroom erupted into laughter.

Then in Western Civ today, the teacher wasn’t there, and we were supposed to be working on an assignment. Instead, we all talked about how much we hated the class, and how everyone’s dropping it after this semester. There was talk of us all linking arms and skipping to guidance together. Seriously, everybody is dropping it but two people.

Oh! And something really pissed me off today. In Health class, the teacher said that condoms are ineffective in preventing pregnancy. Seriously? You call 99.98% ineffective? So I went online, got a couple resources proving her wrong, and I’m going to bring it in tomorrow. RAHHHH

And in Photography, almost everybody’s film came out horrible. But it was our first time developing, so give us some slack. LOL.

Ok, and in other news. I *may* go out with Ryan.

Ryan

I don’t even know how this happened. If you’re an avid reader of this blog, you probably think I’m completely boy-crazy. Maybe you’re right? But back on topic. Ryan. We really click. I just feel bad for Chris…

Chris

And I leave you with that.
Adieu

(spoiler alert: one of them doesn't make it)

12/15/89

Dear Journal,

I just (well a few hours ago.) saw the movie “beaches” again and it was really sad at the end. It’s about this friendship that these two girls have and one of them dies at the end (that’s why it’s so sad). It got me thinking about friendship and how I would feel if one of my good (or even best!) friends died. I would be so depressed and miserable, I don’t know what I would do.

Well let’s move on to a happier subject. Like my date with Mitch (which is tomorrow by the way.) I hope it goes all right.

Also my birthday is coming up and my party is going to have a horror theme. We are going to see a horror movie then tell ghost stories, have some food then play with my Ouija board.

In case it’s still not clear, it’s sad because of the death in the movie. Of the friend. At the end.

Ah, Beaches. For those not up on their chick flicks, Bette Midler plays a bold and brassy gal (I know, so very unlike her other characters) who forges a lifelong friendship with a sensible and cautious gal (Barbara Hershey). What could they possibly have in common, you ask? Well, not a whole lot, but you know what they say about opposites (“they,” in the late 80’s, being Paula Abdul and a  cartoon cat). There’s fighting, singing, crying, dying, and more crying. All to the tune of a soundtrack sung by the Diving Miss M herself, who made us take stock and ask who the wind beneath our wings might be. Despite it’s somber conclusion, the film has moments of levity, plus plenty of shoulder pads, big hair, and a musical sequence about the invention of the bra (you owe it to yourself to hear “Otto Titsling” at least once in your life if you never have).

To me, Beaches is a scary movie because it shows the fragility of friendship and of life itself. However, others out there might consider it  to be a horror movie because of  its abundance of female emotion and sentimentality. Either way, it was not part of my impending birthday’s theme.

As I previously mentioned, my parents let me immerse myself in all kinds of media related to paranormal phenomena, but they didn’t let me watch scary movies. Nothing with Freddy or Jason or Michael Myers or anything of that ilk. Initially they forbade horror movies until I was 13, but decided to loosen up and end the moratorium a year early. Clearly, I decided to really run with the theme.

What better way to celebrate the anniversary of your birth than seeing a bunch of people die onscreen, tell stories about dead people, and then try to actually talk to dead people using a toy/instrument of the occult? Sounds like my idea of a good time!

Claimer: You may think I am a bitch after reading this. But I would like to believe I am not. It’s a woman’s natural phenomenon.

I am blessed with world’s most amazing boyfriend. He really is a person out of the fairy tale who does everything for his girlfriend. And I have heard many remarks such as, “If you ever plan to leave him, let me know first.” Or “You are very lucky to have a guy like V in your life”. And I do agree with all of them.

But being a typical Aries girl (dominating with a King-sized ego) I can’t let go of the few (bad should I say) things in me. I have especially developed a bad habit of checking his chats, e-mails, messages just to keep an eye on him. And I don’t feel guilty about it (is that a serious problem).

And of course while spying on him, I did come across few things which by any means I didn’t accept. And I made a huge fuss about those things, of course I never told directly to him, how did I find out. He is not a stupid kid not to realise how I actually found out.

But whoa, now I realised, the things which really worried me (talking to a certain female, talking to guys about few unacceptable things) don’t feature in his chats, mails, messages anymore. Now, I refuse to accept that he suddenly stopped doing all the stuff which I didn’t like. There are more possibilities of him very smartly deleting all the traces of the things which he thinks I wouldn’t like. Whatever it , this damn suspicion and jealousy is too bad for one’s health and I really want to get rid of it.. and leave a peaceful life. But how? the answer still needs to be found out.

“Girls are reckless shoppers!”

A fellow gf’s bf claimed and ended up in them having a mini row. my response was “I’m guilty as charged.” well truth is, i do spend recklessly on small priced items. and when i mean small, i mean low 2 digit for clothes, low 1 digit for food & beverages and very low 2 digit for accessories. if i see a dress going for $27 bucks online, i confirm buy. (if its nice, if i have the $ to spend and if i feel that i have nth to wear. ok fine the last pt was BS. just ordered a dress and a top online…) but wat cello mentioned was that it depends on the nature of the person, the situation and the environment he/she is. it definitely isn’t and will never be a case of gender problem. which is actually VERY true. guys are equally capable of spending on stupid shits. dun ask me to quote, i cldnt tink of anything off hand. but u know wat i mean. besides, we girls just seem to do it more frequently! but key word is reckless and that is definitely a no no for most girls I know. reckless, once or twice, fine…. but not avid reckless shoppers. tt’s just sad.

i do admit, like i said, guilty as charged, to buying many many clothes/accessories and other barangs. i guess sometimes what we girls need to do is not fight so hard to be right. let the guys win. cos at the end of the day, i feel that if i get what i want, which is the top/dress/shoe/bag that i like, i win. letting him know tt i am a shopaholic wouldnt change anything. he just gloats at himself winning the argument BUT i still get to keep my loot!

all in all, even if we girls always try to defend ourselves from all the criticisms from guys and mums and gfs who doesnt think shopping is productive, we still spend on dresses that we never wear. it’s just US! yes me included. tt’s why flea markets are flourishing and tt’s why second hand shops are never extinct. we help churn the economy, yes tt’s my theory. as long as our conscience on spending is clear, we’re good to go (:

that said, here are some LUSTS! meaning, never gonna be indulged in recklessly or not!

super LOVE the material. if spore would permit such dressing i confirm ask some blogshop girl to copy!!!!! bet the material is comfy and humid weather friendly (:

focus on her LEGS!!!!! yes the outfit i LUST for too. but gawd…. the legssssss. so yes, like i said. LUSTS for the day.

Hearts world. looking forward to beer in the afternoon tmr w the girls plus some serious talk.

This is a repost of an entry in my other blog that was “taken away” from me by the previous blogging gods…

It was from July 17th…a very significant night in my world…the  night I met Stephen…

“I had drinks with Paige, last night. She told me I was her Cougar. How cool! It was so good to see my friend. She looks so good. Perhaps it is because she is in love. She has a beau that lives in another city so it is difficult to see him all the time. She has travelled to see him quite a bit lately and falls more in love every time she sees him. He feels the same way about her. I couldn’t be more tickled for her. She deserves the best.

We met at the bar where I met Cutie-Pie, last week. We figured we would hang out around men with money! Hey, you never stop being a good golddigger, right?

She and I talked for about an hour before the boys started coming up to us. Suddenly there were two “camps” of guys vying for our attention. In fact, I had one rubbing my hand while I’m talking to the other. I also had my hand on Paige’s soft legs when they all figured out that we might be more than friend-friends. She and I love to tell the boys that…after they start questioning why we touch each other like we do.

I find two of these guys, one from each camp, that I like and I proceed to flirt and exchange numbers with both. (Such a slut!) The party broke up and everyone started to head home and I asked one of them to walk me out. We walk outside and the other one is sitting in his car. I walk over to him to kiss him goodnight and then turn around and kiss the other one goodnight. Both are yummy…both are good kissers…and both think I’m “amazing”. A good night, I’d say.

Paige had to drive me home because the third glass of wine was a little too much for me to drive home….and she actually got to meet Hubby for the first time. Wow. That was huge! I had drinks with Paige, last night. She told me I was her Cougar. How cool! It was so good to see my friend. She looks so good. Perhaps it is because she is in love. She has a beau that lives in another city so it is difficult to see him all the time. She has travelled to see him quite a bit lately and falls more in love every time she sees him. He feels the same way about her. I couldn’t be more tickled for her. She deserves the best.

We met at the bar where I met Cutie-Pie, last week. We figured we would hang out around men with money! Hey, you never stop being a good golddigger, right?

She and I talked for about an hour before the boys started coming up to us. Suddenly there were two “camps” of guys vying for our attention. In fact, I had one rubbing my hand while I’m talking to the other. I also had my hand on Paige’s soft legs when they all figured out that we might be more than friend-friends. She and I love to tell the boys that…after they start questioning why we touch each other like we do.

I find two of these guys, one from each camp, that I like and I proceed to flirt and exchange numbers with both. (Such a slut!) The party broke up and everyone started to head home and I asked one of them to walk me out. We walk outside and the other one is sitting in his car. I walk over to him to kiss him goodnight and then turn around and kiss the other one goodnight. Both are yummy…both are good kissers…and both think I’m “amazing”. A good night, I’d say.

Paige had to drive me home because the third glass of wine was a little too much for me to drive home….and she actually got to meet Hubby for the first time. Wow. That was huge!”

Four months have FLOWN by…!!!

so thats it.  I’ve given him an ultimatum.  S that is.  I’ve told him NO MORE until he either chooses his current girlfriend or the other woman….he chose her at first, but now he’s sniffing around me again.

I wish I had enough woman-power and self-control to ignore him and his ways.  No i will not be the other woman anymore.

I’m wondering what will happen this year though when his birthday rolls around this year.  Will his significant other be out-of-town again?  OR an even better question…Will I be there if she isnt?

…

I was reading an article in one of the magazines wherein this question was posed.The article was presented as a debate and two women had contributed with their own differing opinions with a ‘Yes’ and a ‘No’. After reading it,I thought it would be interesting to ask myself the same question.

I went to a co-ed school which means,I’ve been fortunate enough to form some wonderful friendships with both boys and girls over the years. And I cherish all of them. But I’ve always been closer to my girl-friends, because they understand me better.

I believe that there are certain things that you can discuss and experience only with your girlfriends…be it having endless discussions about your crushes. Or be it experiencing a state of Nirvana(well,almost! ) by ogling at handsome hunks, or be it simply heading out for a walk just to feel kicked up about being ogled at !! Or be it sharing the misery of your wretched menstrual cramps and empathizing with each other. Or better still, be it going on a shopping spree, picking the trendiest of clothes,parading in front of the mirrors together and boosting each other’s egos !!

Courtesy Google Images

I doubt if, even discussing these things with boys would be half as fun. Leave aside,experiencing !

I know, gossiping,bitching,back-stabbing,mud-slinging, and the likes are some of the other things attributed to us. Yes,many a time,they can spoil a friendship. But,in defense of the sisterhood, men gossip too,don’t they? They may probably have a different name to it…a heart-to-heart talk ,a frank opinion or whatever. Basically they too have disagreements among each other. And sometimes it can even reach a stage where they wont shirk from taking out their cycle-chains,hockey-sticks or baseball-bats to thrash each other to oblivion.

At least we’re not that harmful . I can proudly say that. All we do is indulge in some harmless gossiping or some verbal-spats,if things get out of hands or at times, if we are really good with words,blog about it and kick it out of our system . And the rest of us,who are not so good at it,just ignore. Thats it.

That will certainly not mean I’ll stop making friends with girls. I will because I know we are fun to be with despite our hiccups.

So,if I ask myself ‘Can girls really be friends?’. My answer is ‘yes,of course’.

Ok,now before our men from Mars come out in unison to thrash me,let me just go back to the safe cocoon of my planet Venus

I must have mentioned I take the bus to work. Well, so today, as I sat and tapped my feet to Ibiza and other few ditties, I happened to notice a pretty young boy – who had just matured into a man – doing the same thing. Only that he was standing and bobbing his head to the beats his earphones let him onto.

Of course, that isn’t quite the point. The point is he is extremely cute and has so sweet a look on his face, it’s impossible to not stare at him for a minute or two. That’s exactly what I did: I let my eyes take in that look and I think I also smiled. He acknowledged my presence and I did notice that he did keep looking my way. But, my dear readers, this being India and the men being rather wary of being caught flirting with another man – the recent changes to the law notwithstanding – this man too was no different and so, he glossed his flirtatious glances with a pretence of looking around the bus.

Well, so be it then. I see him quite often in the bus I take to office, actually. Perhaps, when I am 50 and when he too is around that age, he might just drop his inhibitions and come and say hello to me.

If Dove’s Men + Care products became more widespread like Dove’s other products, would a self-esteem workshop for boys be made since there’s one for girls? Would it be appropriate?

This is one of the reasons I think Dove’s Men + Care products would work in the U.S. If Dove were to sell a line of men’s personal care prodcuts, audiences, I think, would expect Dove to also create male versions of the Real Beauty campaign and workshops. The broadening of the brand would just be too much.

I am so so full of gratitude for so many things at this moment I think I could pop!

… due to the current economic conditions of the country, I sense many people this year are feeling extreme amounts more grateful this year than most. For the simple things though – like : food. drinkable water . shelter . warmth . clothing . etc . etc .

HERE’S THE MAGICAL PART- The people who have been in my life; clinging, like hanging chads on a pre-millenial ballot slip are GONE.!.
It’s like god took a really sharp razor blade and said, “yep – you REALLY need to leach energies from someone else now.” and CUT them away!

*Poof* it is a miracle. Which leads me to the next thing I’m grateful for – - – the amazing, loved, mentors, friends, amigos, un-blood sisters and misters that are STILL in my life

I feel light today. … it could be this new water drinking thing I’m doing but really – I feel great! Think about it maybe, do you have any ..he he .. “hanging chads”?

Ciao,

Siena Monster

the post in which b&b talks about relationships, part one

couples. I see them walking down the halls in school, on the street, on tv, even in my own house. they’re always holding hands, loudly kissing, being aggressively overprotective of each other. they are everywhere, and to the perpetually single people out there (i.e., me), their extremely annoying.
my best friend has been dating her current boyfriend for 10 months, a record for her. I am happy for her, a bit jealous of her (she always gets the guys), and tired of her. let’s call her Jay. Jay the best friend is an awesome girl! I’ve been best friends with her for 4 years and hopefully counting. but Jay the girlfriend drives me crazy.

what is it about relationships that turns girls into putty?

watching my best friend and her bf makes me ask myself this daily. Jay and her bf have been dating for a very long time, and with all relationships comes fighting. they fight constantly, every. single. day. and 2 seconds later, their fine! I don’t understand! Jay will say how much she hates him, can’t stand him, is tired of fighting every day, and later there’s just a sorry and its all fine and dandy. what happened to my friend? when she was single, she was never a… she never… she stood her ground. she would always say how she would never let a boy tell her what to do, she would be herself but just have a boyfriend be her enhancing half. now? its annoying. her and her bf got in a huge fight and she told me “I’m not talking to him for 3 days” and she didn’t even make it one. one! and she had a legit reason to be mad! what is this? is this was a penis does?!

do we have to give up who we are in order to be in a lasting relationship?

NO! your saying. NO! relationships are wonderful, wonderful, wonderful things! boyfriends are our other halfs, they complete us! they don’t take away! oh? don’t they? are you in a relationship? are you completely and totally open with him? does everything you do or say completely mesh with him? didn’t think so. even the “perfect” relationships have secrets.
I have a friend (yeah I know, so many friends! [cue eye roll]) who’s been dating her bf for 2 years. next to Jay’s disaster of a relationship, hers is a trainwreck. they cheat on each other, lie to each other, break up and make up constantly and won’t stay broken up because… I really don’t know. they say they love each other.

is TV/movie/book love an illusion? is my friends version of love the only version of love?

does the media feed us a fake story of love that makes us completely unprepared for real-life love? is this what we have to look forward to? why is it that the relationships we grow up wishing for are nothing like the relationships we actually get? do I have a warped sense of reality? is it too much to ask for a relationship not full of lies and unhappiness?

why don’t we leave when its obvious we should?

relationships (to me at least) go like this:
stage 1: at first; its amazing, the honeymoon period if you will. there is no fighting. they’re getting to know each other and everything is new.
stage 2:then, you become comfortable, the new relationship sheen wears away a tiny bit.
stage 3:next, more fighting, more wearing away, still happy
stage 4:finally, fighting every day, one or both get bored, eyes wander. most couples don’t survive this stage
stage 5:after ? who knows? does it disintegrate into that relationship where they hate eachother but stay together anyway? or when they survive they restart?
Jay and her bf have reached stage 4. my other friend has passed it. they have a lot in common: fight with their boyfriends, lie, cheat, but say they love them. shouldn’t they break up?

stay tuned for part 2, when b&b talks about break ups

At Lapo’s favorite Giambattista Valli

I am so excited to be going to bed early tonight. NaNoWriMo is over, and although I technically haven’t finished the novel, I wrote 58,000 words in the month of November and I feel so happy. And I promise, the ending of WriMo means that I will finally (finally) talk about something else. So… what to talk about?

Okedoke, bedtime now. Frog pajamas and soft blankies ftw.

PS. Holy crap! How could I forget?! Secret hidden goal #6: CHRISTMAS IS ON ITS WAY AND I AM JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN WITH EXCITEMENT. Too much shouting. Bye!