Weather Man Willard Scott is well known as Bozo the Clown, but what most people may not know is that he is also the man who created Ronald McDonald.

Scott started his show business career on the Joy Boys radio show in 1955 and remained a co-host until 1974. In the 1960’s, Scott began his television career by appearing in children’s programs as Commander Retro and Bozo the Clown. In 1970 his weatherman career officially kicked off when he became the weekday weatherman on WRC-TV. He is also well known for his Smucker’s birthday segment on NBC’s The Today Show.

Original Ronald McDonald Costume

In 1963 a local McDonald’s franchise in Washington D.C., where Scott was living, asked him to create a children’s character for their restaurant chain. He came up with “Ronald McDonald” and appeared in three different television spots in the Washington D.C. area using the phrase, “Ronald McDonald, the Hamburger-Happy Clown.”

In the movie Super Size Me, Eric Schlosser says that McDonald’s decided to replace Scott with someone who wasn’t as overweight because they were concerned about the image they were sending if their mascot did not appear healthy and fit.

Although there are hundreds of actors who play Ronald all around the country, the company likes to keep the illusion that there is only one Ronald. In an effort to create this illusion, all actors are trained on specific mannerisms before performing as Ronald.

Ronald McDonald is still very popular and a widely recognized character today. According to McDonald’s statement about Ronald McDonald, 96% of all school aged kids in America recognize him.

Broken Secrets

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Sources: Wikipedia

Photo: partly cloudy (cc)

Bozo scares little children

Image via Wikipedia

Speaking of clowns: The New York Times says Christine O’Donnell, the Republican teabagger candidate for senator from Delaware is the daughter of Bozo the Clown. Here’s the sad part: It isn’t saying that as a joke or an insult.

There were different Bozos in different regions of the country. (It was a franchise.) As a kid,  I remember watching Bozo on television in New York, then going to another city, tuning in the show and thinking, “Wait a minute: That guy isn’t Bozo.” Though Larry Harmon licensed the Bozo character, Bill Britten and Gordon Ramsey were the New York Bozos. Bob Bell was the Chicago Bozo.

According to the Times, in Philadelphia, where Christine was raised, Bozo was Daniel O’Donnell, her father.

Of course, everyone is looking to verify this. The Times definitely would have checked this out before publishing, so it’s going to be fodder for every comedian in America next week.

For those of us of a certain age, ahem, this book will evoke warm memories of time spent with the always bubbly and energetic Bozo the Clown. The book focuses on the way Larry Harmon built up the business end of the show, which originated out of Chicago’s own WGN. Unfortunately,  Larry Harmon passed away 2 years ago, so the the author was aided by his wife, Susan Harmon. The book signing starts today, 8/17, for Larry Harmon and Thomas Scott McKenzie’s “The Man Behind the Nose: Assassins, Astronauts, Cannibals and Other Stupendous Tales” at 7:30 p.m. at Borders Michigan Avenue. McKenzie, Susan Harmon and Bozo will be in attendance.

Shira S.

Did you hear the one about when Bozo ran for President and survived two assassination attempts?

How about the time Bozo flew into the perilous jungles of New Guinea to see if he could not just survive but actually bond with dangerous cannibal tribes?

Well then, you must know about the time his size 83 AAA shoes saves him from being swallowed whole by a giant, murderous python in Thailand, right?

Did you know there was a 10-year wait list for tickets to the Bozo television show?

Come celebrate the 50th anniversary of Bozo the Clown with a book signing of The Man Behind the Nose! The signing will be held at 4PM this Sunday, August 22 at Book Soup in Los Angeles. Special guests include co-author Thomas Scott McKenzie and Mrs. Larry Harmon, wife of the late Larry Harmon. The signing will feature Bozo memorabilia and maybe even play The Grand Prize Game!

Book Soup @ 4:00PM

8818 W. Sunset Blvd.

Los Angeles, CA 90069

The Man Behind the Nose: Assassins, Astronauts, Cannibals, and Other Stupendous Tales releases today through Igniter Books/Harper Collins Publishers. This moving biography from the late Larry “Bozo” Harmon showcases all of those crazy tales and will allow you to truly cherish the man behind that famous red nose.

If you enjoyed this post, we would be very grateful if you leave a quick comment below or subscribe via email. –Levine Communications Office

WASHINGTON – Following the advice of Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL), President Obama fired Robert Gibbs and hired… Bozo.

Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) was highly critical of White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs on MSNBC yesterday afternoon. In response to Gibbs’s recent comments about “the professional left” and its dissatisfaction with the Obama administration, Grayson called Gibbs “Bozo the Spokesman” and declared he should be fired

Top White House advisors then met and decided that Grayson had made a wonderful suggestion, so they fired Gibbs and hired Bozo.  Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel said that Bozo would make a great Press Secretary.  “He’s got the right demeanor.  He knows how to deal with silly questions from the White House press core and… he can make balloon animals, which really makes the MSNBC reporters happy.”  Fox News correspondent, Major Garrett, tried to ask Bozo some tough questions, but Bozo just squirted him with his flower.

Many in the White House Press Corps did not notice that Gibbs was replaced. “It took a while for us to realize he was gone”, said Dan Lothian, CNN White House correspondent, “Bozo and Gibbs have a lot of the same facial expressions. It’s hard to tell them apart.”

Bozo took a barrage of questions from the anxious WH reporters, but answered them all with a simple, “Laugh, clown, laugh.”  This frustrated the reporters, so Bozo gave them a little more, “They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Galileo, they laughed at Einstein.  So if you laugh at me, I must be a genius.”  He then juggled three basketballs and a ginsu knife,  The reporters loved it, especially after the White House Staff handed out cotton candy.

President Obama defended his decision to go with Bozo.  “Look, times are hard in America. We all need a little smile, a little laugh every day.”  President Obama was wearing Bozo shoes to show his support for his new Press Secretary. “Press conferences are a joke anyway. We just spend our time dodging your questions and going through our talking points.  Better to shake things up and… laugh, clown, laugh!”  The President then led the WH Press Corps in a rousing rendition of “Everybody Loves A Clown.”

Bozo has some friends joining him in the White House Press Office (renamed Bozo’s Circus).  Rusty the Handyman will be dealing with housing questions, Sandy the Tramp will be dealing with ethical issues surrounding members of Congress, Professor Andy will handle the BP oil spill and Wizzo the Wizard will be advising Obama on the economic policy.

Larry Harmon, the most famous Bozo, died in 2008.  The big mystery that reporters are trying to crack is:  “Who is this Bozo?”  There’s speculation that Bozo may be Bill Clinton or Al Gore or Rosie O’Donnell, but those rumors are false.  No one knows for sure, and the White House is keeping tight-lipped about his real identity, but, WWN can confirm that no one has seen Vice President Joe Biden in the last twenty-four hours.

Bozo lives!  Here’s some epic Bozo:

WASHINGTON – Following the advice of Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL), President Obama fired Robert Gibbs and hired… Bozo.

Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) was highly critical of White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs on MSNBC yesterday afternoon. In response to Gibbs’s recent comments about “the professional left” and its dissatisfaction with the Obama administration, Grayson called Gibbs “Bozo the Spokesman” and declared he should be fired

Top White House advisors then met and decided that Grayson had made a wonderful suggestion, so they fired Gibbs and hired Bozo.  Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel said that Bozo would make a great Press Secretary.  “He’s got the right demeanor.  He knows how to deal with silly questions from the White House press core and… he can make balloon animals, which really makes the MSNBC reporters happy.”  Fox News correspondent, Major Garrett, tried to ask Bozo some tough questions, but Bozo just squirted him with his flower.

Many in the White House Press Corps did not notice that Gibbs was replaced. “It took a while for us to realize he was gone”, said Dan Lothian, CNN White House correspondent, “Bozo and Gibbs have a lot of the same facial expressions. It’s hard to tell them apart.”

Bozo took a barrage of questions from the anxious WH reporters, but answered them all with a simple, “Laugh, clown, laugh.”  This frustrated the reporters, so Bozo gave them a little more, “They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Galileo, they laughed at Einstein.  So if you laugh at me, I must be a genius.”  He then juggled three basketballs and a ginsu knife,  The reporters loved it, especially after the White House Staff handed out cotton candy.

President Obama defended his decision to go with Bozo.  “Look, times are hard in America. We all need a little smile, a little laugh every day.”  President Obama was wearing Bozo shoes to show his support for his new Press Secretary. “Press conferences are a joke anyway. We just spend our time dodging your questions and going through our talking points.  Better to shake things up and… laugh, clown, laugh!”  The President then led the WH Press Corps in a rousing rendition of “Everybody Loves A Clown.”

Bozo has some friends joining him in the White House Press Office (renamed Bozo’s Circus).  Rusty the Handyman will be dealing with housing questions, Sandy the Tramp will be dealing with ethical issues surrounding members of Congress, Professor Andy will handle the BP oil spill and Wizzo the Wizard will be advising Obama on the economic policy.

Larry Harmon, the most famous Bozo, died in 2008.  The big mystery that reporters are trying to crack is:  “Who is this Bozo?”  There’s speculation that Bozo may be Bill Clinton or Al Gore or Rosie O’Donnell, but those rumors are false.  No one knows for sure, and the White House is keeping tight-lipped about his real identity, but, WWN can confirm that no one has seen Vice President Joe Biden in the last twenty-four hours.

Bozo lives!  Here’s some epic Bozo:

In his new book, written with Thomas Scott McKenzie, “The Man Behind the Nose: Assassins, Astronauts, Cannibals, and Other Stupendous Tales”, Larry Harmon shares things he would have never dared to tell when you were younger and allows us to fully understand the world of Bozo the Clown. “The Man Behind the Nose: Assassins, Astronauts, Cannibals, and Other Stupendous Tales” is published by the Igniter Literary Group and includes an introduction by Neil Strauss and Anthony Bozza.

“Sure, you know the giant shoes, the red bulbous nose, the big ruby smile, and the twin shocks of red yak-hair bursting from the sides of his head. And obviously you know the many clowns inspired by him, from Ronald McDonald to Krusty the Clown. So perhaps it’s time you learned about Bozo, and the man behind the nose. Because the wild, inspirational stories in this book are all true. As real as the nose on your face.”

I was headed for a white lab coat and stethoscope until a jazz singer in makeup pointed me in a direction that would lead to a red nose and wig.

I’m surrounded by laughter. If you’re with me you’ll notice giggling, chuckling, laughing, snickering, and cackling. Those sounds of joy are like music to me, symphonies of happiness.

Few things on this planet burn as quickly as heavily processed yak hair. And when that hair extends about nine inches from either side of your head and is curved upright, thus forming a bowl, that any stray spark or floating cinder can ignite it. One minute I’m joking around, the next I’m a human tiki torch.

Sometimes in like, certain doors open. And if you walk through them, things will never be the same.

For such a graceful man, famous for being so light on his feet, he sure made a lot of noise as he walked across the empty sound stage. Or maybe that was just my heart pounding.

I knew I wanted to leave my mark on this earth. Ultimately I decided that was best achieved by wearing size 83 triple-A red shoes. because people would never be able to forget the marks of those footprints. But it took a while to reach that conclusion.

To visit the official website for this publication, click HERE

If you enjoyed this post, we would be very grateful if you leave a quick comment below or subscribe via email. –Levine Communications Office

After being asked if we needed a marriage license (hello, don’t you see that we look alike?) my brother said, “Great, we drove all this way for five minutes in the county building…” A little light went off in my head and I started driving. I told him we were going to have an adventure, because I like adventures.

As I drove I made turns as if I was lost. The poor kid was confused, but the truth was I knew exactly where I was going. The funny thing is, the last time I drove some of the roads I was seven and could barely tie my own shoes let alone remember how to get anywhere. A lot of the landmarks are still there. The Omega on Ogden, the park on Elm Street across from our old house (which apparently no longer has a garage), the piano store near Blodgett and the place my dad used to buy us hot dogs, my elementary school, and the house we left for Michigan.

As we drove down Blodgett my brother turned to me and said, “Hey, didn’t you go on the Bozo Show?”

No.

I was in second grade when mom and dad told me we were moving. I remembered moving to the house on Blodgett. Moving wasn’t a big deal. It meant a new room and that was kind of exciting. I remember my second grade teacher showing our class that Michigan was shaped like a mitten and that was where I was going to live. I remember the second grade class going to see the Bozo Show and me not being able to go because I had to live in a mitten.

Man, was I jealous. My lifelong dream was to play Bozo Buckets and win the bike. I wanted a bike. I had a bike, a pink banana seat with streamers, but I wanted a Bozo Bike. I wanted to see Cooky in person and watch him and Bozo talk to that silly dog. I wanted to BE there.

A year or so after moving to Traverse City my mom took me to the Cherryland Mall, which doesn’t even exist anymore, and outside Gumball’s candy store they recorded the Dynamite the Clown show. Dynamite was a Bozo rip-off. He wasn’t funny, and he was really kind of sad and creepy. But alas, out of all the kids there I was chosen to do the buckets.

I grudgingly tossed the ball into the buckets. There was no drum roll; there were no cheering kids or sound effects, just people shuffling around the dying mall outside Younkers. Would I win a “crisp one hundred dollar bill”?

No.

I walked away with a coloring book, some crayons, and a thing of off brand play-doh. There was no bicycle, there was no silly clown egging me on. I remember feeling disappointed. I’m still disappointed.

Thanks Mom and Dad for making me miss Bozo just so we could live in a mitten. Maybe one day I’ll get over it. Probably not.

wpix always had been a local station until it became the “cw” a few years ago. back in the late fifties and early sixties, it was possible to actually attend the shows and be a member of the live studio audience. when i was 8 years old, my mother took my me, my sister and a couple of our neighbors to be on the “bozo the clown” show. the pix studios were in the daily news building. i think the newspaper may have owned the station at the time. pix had an entire lineup of children’s programs in the late afternoon and early evening, just when kids should have been doing their homework. besides bozo the clown (played by larry harmon, who only recently passed away at the age of 83) where cartoons and live action presaged the concept of “mixed media”, there was “officer” joe bolton, whose show featured the 3 stooges 2 reelers, ray heatherton, the “merry mailman” and my personal favorite, superman….”look, up in the sky. it’s a bird, it’s a plane. it’s SUPERMAN”. every self respecting male my age knows this mantra (in addition to what came after it) as well as the pledge of allegiance (which you had to say each day back when). the other big “live” kid’s show in town was wonderama, starring sonny fox on channel 5. hmmmm….fox….channel 5? another coincidence? i think not! but wonderama was on sunday morning, so i guess the parents who brought their kids to that show were early risers. and of course, there was “howdy doody time” (aren’t you singing the theme right now?), with “buffalo” bob smith and clarabell the clown. a little known fact is that the first actor to portray clarabell was bob keeshan, who later became famous as “captain kangaroo”. to this day, everyone uses the term “the peanut gallery” when describing a bunch of people who are as clueless and naive as young children. like congress. but howdy doody was a nationally syndicated show. bozo was local. it was really neat seeing the set for bozo in color for the first time, but a big surprise was when we discovered that all the sets for the kid’s t.v. shows were actually one big long set, arranged in a big “u” shape. the camera just limited the television audience’s view. my big break came when i was selected to do a live commercial for “veep”, a 7-up clone whose slogan was “it doesn’t fill you up” or some such nonsense. i did it perfectly on the first try, but somehow this early success failed to ignite my acting career.

i tried to get philip into the spirit of live broadcasting when i signed us up to be on the morning show with scott and todd. every friday morning, they had a live audience at 8 a.m. ana and i had been listening to scott shannon since we lived in atlanta. his current show is on from 6 am to 10 am on wplj radio (95.5 on the fm dial). just the fact that i just wrote “dial” gives you an idea of my ancient mindset. i did not tell ana until a couple of days before the “friday morning blastoff”. she was not a happy camper when i told her that we had to be up at 5 a.m. so we could be at 2 penn plaza at 6. i was a regular listener, so judging from the shows i heard in the past, i was sure this would be a large set with a studio audience that numbered in the hundreds. wrong. there were only about a dozen of us and we were crowded into the actual studio that was used every day. we were told not to touch anything and to keep quiet, lest the listeners hear all the commotion we might bee making in the background. i was excited, philly was excited, ana was sleepy and surly. she is not a morning person. this was live radio, and the stars feed off the excitement of the crowd. ana would have none of it. she sat near the back of the room, reading a newspaper until one of the show’s co-hosts, todd pettengill started making fun of her. on the air. after identifying her by name. fortunately, scott and todd did not remember ana the next time we were on the show. they had a feature called “15 minute love song”. the idea was to call up the radio station, and tell them the story of how you fell in love with your sweetie. ana and i had a rather “unusual” first date, so i called them up and told them the story. they loved it and 15 minutes later, they called up ana so she could listen to the world premier of the song on the air: “ira is stoopid”. it was played live, so people started calling us up and telling us that they heard it.
during the baseball season, i’m glued to either cbs 880, to listen to the yankees, or 660 “the fan”, so i can catch the mets. every once in a while the world lapses into synchronicity as the mets are up during the yankees’ opponent’s half of the inning and the yankees are at bat while the mets’ adversaries are up. all home team hitters, all the time! it doesn’t usually last long, but it’s great when it happens.

while we are at work, we usually listen to cbs fm 101.1. the music is familiar, and it is so innocuous, nobody complains about it. the only problem is that with a playlist going back some 50 some odd years, that must number in the zillions, they play pretty much the same songs every day. this is because of the program director’s orders from on high not to offend anyone. all the “easy rock” stations are guilty of this repetition. it’s the modern version of “top 40″ radio from the bad old days of payola. of course, the same songs every day is better than the same song ALL day. this was the problem with “smooth jazz” 101.9, at least before it switched formats to progressive rock a little while ago. it seemed like all they ever played was spirogyra, 24-7.

sometimes a song comes along and you really like it. you can’t wait for it to come on the radio and you get all excited when it does. you find yourself whistling its melody as you go about your everyday routines. this is called the “honeymoon” period. then, like some marriages, something changes. you start taking the song for granted and you hardly notice when it’s being played on the radio. if this trend continues (usually due to ad nauseum repeated playings) it can become like the movie “war of the roses” and merely hearing the first bars of the introduction are enough to set your teeth on edge until you run up to the radio (or grab the remote control) and change the station, usually muttering to yourself and anyone within earshot “i HATE that song!”).

new york drive time radio is the greatest. i usually jockey back and forth between the z morning zoo with elvis duran on whtz, 100.3 and the aforementioned wplj. nothing makes rush hour traffic go quicker than comedy. it’s great when there is somebody in the car next to you laughing their heads off (silently, since everyone keeps their windows shut) and you know that they are listening to the same thing as you, (usually the phone scams and phone taps, respectively are the funniest) because you are laughing convulsively as well.

i have told the same story of our first date on other radio stations and have actually won quite a bit of money by telling and re-telling it. to try and increase their audience share, all radio stations have multiple contests throughout the day. i have most of their phone numbers on speed dial, but i almost never get through, or if i do, it’s usually too late. occasionally, though, i do, and i have won lottery tickets and concert tickets as well as cash. the last concert i won tickets to was to see the group “they might be giants” at the dublin pub in new hyde park. i went with my brother in law, izzy. since we were the winners, we got first row! right in front of the speakers that were taller than us! it was a great concert and really, really loud. i couldn’t hear for 3 days. this was my first experience with standing at a concert. whenever i have talked to philip about the concerts ana and i used to go to back in the day, he couldn’t understand why i told him about the “great seats” or “crappy seats” we had. i found out why at a recent concert that i went to with philip in the williamsburg section of brooklyn. there were no seats. nowadays everybody stands. and constantly changes position. and there was a fight! very unlike the moody blues concert i took philip to. i had not seen them for years, so i decided to show philip what “the good old days” were like at concerts. he marveled at the fact that he could sit in one place and not have to move, or prevent someone else from moving in front of him and blocking his view. when the moody blues came out on stage i said “boy, they look old”. philly looked at me sideways and retorted with his typical youthful diplomacy “have you looked in a mirror recently?” he has been going to these venues in brooklyn for several years now, so when he invited me to accompany him , i accepted. philly and i always listen to music when we go anywhere in the car together. philip is always playing music, either recorded or live, when he is at home. i call him the soundtrack of our lives. since i enjoyed the music of one of the groups that he listens to, it seemed like a good idea. i found out later that he had an ulterior motive. he wanted to see his favorite group: creeper lagoon, but at the time, he was under 21 and they served liquor in the location they were playing at, so he was not allowed in. he was eventually granted a papal dispensation by the group’s lead vocalist, sharkey, because philly was accompanied by an adult, he was their number one fan, and had corresponded with sharkey online several times and urged, begged, pleaded, cajoled, and finally brainwashed sharkey into inviting him, so we could get up close and personal. we scored backstage passes, to boot. philly knew all the songs and he had a blast.

Bozo the Clown

Does anybody remember Bozo the Clown? My husband and I were driving home from a restaurant and he shared with me an anecdote he heard from his first wife. As a little girl, she recalls watching him on TV once. He had selected a little girl from the live audience and was doing his routine with her. She apparently said a little more harshly than I will write, “STUFF IT, Clown! You’re not funny anymore!” The first word of her quote was a lot less polite sounding than what I wrote – not that what I wrote is polite.

All of a sudden, an old memory came drifting back that I had not thought of in years. I am 51 1/2 now. This happened when I was 11 or 12.

When I was in the sixth grade, my Girl Scout troupe went to be in the audience of a Bozo the Clown television show that was on live TV. Bozo selected me to do his little routine with. I have this vague memory that he made me put on this wool, navy blue blazer such as a man would wear. Then I think he put me in a headlock. I was so embarrassed as I strongly suspected it would ruin my hard-won status in my K-6 elementary school. I prayed that nobody that I knew was watching the show that day.

Of course, many of them did watch – simply because they had heard we were going to be in his audience. I think I blocked the memory out until all these years later.

Does anybody else have a Bozo the Clown or some other kind of clown story to share?

Apparently craigslist is for more than just getting rid of your dirty couch and casual sex meeting other singles. Susan Finkelstein is a wife, mother, a grad student and apparently a really huge Philadelphia Phillies fan. She’s also not unwilling to get creative with payments or sex. Recently Susan used all her Assistant PR Director skills to post this:

“DESPERATE BLONDE NEEDS WS TIX (Philadelphia)
“Diehard Phillies fan – gorgeous tall buxom blonde – in desperate need of two World Series Tickets. Price negotiable – I’m the creative type! Maybe we can help each other!”

Now according to Philly police by creative she meant she was willing to bump uglies (that description amuses me to no ends—even if my mother used it!) for said tickets. When the undercover cop who may have looked like this but we cannot confirm:

When he suggested he had two tickets Susie Q apparently upped the sex ante. The convo may have occurred like this:

Susan: I’ll like totally have sex with you for that one ticket but only missionary baby.
Crockett: I do have two tickets.
Susan: I’m willing to go ass to mouth for two tickets.
Crockett: Score Tubbs never did that!
Susan: What?
Crockett: Nothing.
Susan: Go Phils!

Something like that yeah? You got to admire her fandom I suppose. Her attorney (I wonder how she pays him?) says “She was overcome with Phillies fever”. Now I had more than a giggle because even with the over in front of it he used the word come. I know I’m like 14. I wish my wife would have sex with me for tickets I buy to sporting events. I’m lucky she even goes to the games with me.

The only question I have is was the second ticket going to be for her hubby?

And it hurt. Because that’s what being pwned does to a person.

It hurts them.

It particularly hurt because I got called out in a post over at Tribble Ad Agency and that post was from the end of January. That’s right. Some nine months ago.

And in said post, I was tagged to write seven facts about myself if, to quote the author, “he could ever get me to post again.” It’s the Parker Challenge. And I was totally a part of it. Ish.

It may be late, but if we call the pub for an extension and push print production hard enough, I have no doubt that they’ll be able to fit my revised copy into a keyline, get final client approval and ship it out before it all goes to press. Seriously. I do it all the time and it’s always worked.

Though I do admit that this is a record for tardiness.

1. I would rather be no other place in the entire world in June than in Minneapolis.

2. I think that social media shiny baubles like Twitter, Facebook, etc are tactics, not a strategy.

3. I have reprints of the first print ads that I ever did framed and hung up on a wall. They are only six years old but feel as outdated Kerri Martin.

4. Bob Garfield remains among the most self-important blowhards I have had the pleasure of disliking. If it is true that you can judge a man by his enemies, he just went up in my estimation.

5. I may have told one person about my secret identity…and I shouldn’t have. She, possibly in cahoots with her friends, continually comment negatively on my blog. It’s kind of sad. But then again, blogging about advertising is also kind of sad, making it difficult to determine who wins this round.

6. Betty Draper is totally on my list.

7. If you want to order me a drink at the bar, please make it a vodka on the rocks with three olives.

Since I am so late to the game, I’m not going to tag any other bloggers…at least not for the next nine months until I get around to it.

Courtesy of TV Land

Remember when people who claimed that they NEVER watched television would be branded as snobs… un-American… or even Communists? Well, maybe not Communists, but you know what I mean. It’s so out of the loop to claim to not watch television that anyone claiming to do so is immediately suspect. I remember, for example, being aghast at the fact that a dear friend of mine didn’t know who Lucy was. Lucy! Everyone loved Lucy!

Well, the years have passed, and I have become one of those people who never watch television. I can’t remember the last time I actually turned on a program. I’ll admit to having been a fan of Grey’s Anatomy, Ugly Betty, and Desperate Housewives, but that was way last year. And they annoyed me after a while because they became something that I had to force myself to remember to watch, even when I wasn’t in the mood. And when they decide to change nights and times, well, that really drove me crazy. Who could keep up?

And you know how this has affected me? It seems that I am out of the cultural loop. I’ve spent considerable time in group conversations not knowing who everyone was talking about so intensely. American Idol? Dancing with the Stars? Lost? The names of the characters and stars were bandied about as if the speakers lived next door to them; I don’t even know my own Mother that well.

Reality shows really drive me up a wall; the whole voyeuristic concept seems to be scraping the bottom of the barrel of entertainment. I mean, who really cares what these people are doing? Bachelor, bachelorette… who cares? And didn’t that Paris Hilton and friend have to deal with farm animals on one reality show, acting as if only the lower classes should be destined to such drudgery? Honestly!

There was a time when I could always be found in front of the TV. Bozo the Clown, Romper Room, Chuck McCann, Sonny Foxx… Spunky and Tadpole, Davey and Goliath… Super Car… I loved them all. The Little Rascals, the Three Strooges… Donna Reed, Ozzie and Harriet, Leave it to Beaver, Patty Duke… there I was, following their antics day after day into teenhood, when I graduated to Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Phyllis, Maude, and the like. At least these were good, but I also grew up in an era of televised talking cars, horses, and tiny lady genii living in bottles. The Brady Bunch? How did we ever sit through that show when it was first run! And how come there was never an episode that featured the entire family inside their burning house, a crazed Alice laughing maniacally on the front lawn? And the Munsters were entertaining, if only to see cinema beauty Yvonne De Carlo presiding over her dusty mansion.

Now you can watch all the reruns you want on You Tube. Have you looked at what’s on there? You can re-live your whole TV-watching past– and all at the risk of missing out on the present day!

We went to see Kathy Griffin at Bob Carr Auditorium here in Orlando recently. (Sorry, the sound system bites, so it’s an auditorium– hardly a theatre.) I’m surprised that I caught all her references to the pathetic characters currently mucking up popular culture, but I don’t have television to thank for that– I get all my information from staring at the covers of the tabloids while sweating in the express lane at Publix supermarket.

While I do have a television in the house, it was inherited, and it’s not hooked up to cable because… well, let’s just say that I couldn’t imagine searching through dozens of channels for something to watch. It would make me very anxious. Not only would I feel that I was missing something, but I would probably sense that there might be something better  on. So the television basically acts as a monitor for new and unseen (by me) movies that I rent from Netflix, or that I play from my vast collection of Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, and Bette Davis staples.

So yes; I guess I’m officially one of those un-American snobs. I won’t be tasting the offerings of the new television season, nor will I be wondering what’s happening to Bree, Susan, Gaby, and Lynette. I’ve got too much else to do around the house, and there are books to be read and magazines to catch up with. I don’t judge anyone their choices, however; I am the last person to judge. And I’m human, so don’t be surprised if, sometime next April, I phone you in the night to ask if Drs. Mc Dreamy and Dr. Grey are on again or off again. Just remind me of this column– and then hang up.