Foolishly I scheduled my mammogram right after work so I had no time to change and frankly didn’t even think about it. I still try and look nice when I go to the doctors office, I just don’t want to be the woman in the corner wearing the Tweety Bird sweatpants that everyone is looking at. So I am in my work clothes when they call me back to the testing room and the woman hands me a robe and tells me to undress from waist up and she’ll be back in a few minutes. Weirdly my first thought is “hey a free robe, I wonder how I can sneak it out of here without being seen” but then my thoughts quickly shift to a much more pressing matter “Oh shit I’m wearing my Spanx!” Some of you maybe be asking yourself why is this a problem, well I am about to share my mortification to spare future women from doing the same. I am not only wearing Spanx but a full dress, which means I have nothing on my bottom except Spanx and industrial strength panty hose. Let me explain another problem with Spanx, much like the levee’s during a flood they loose strength and start to give way at the end of your day. As I take off my dress and bra I realize just how bad the situation is I am standing there braless with my Spanx pulled under my breasts with a partial muffin top, I am the female naked Stephen Urkel. I can’t have another person look at me like this, hell I don’t even look at myself like this I get dressed in the dark. Maybe I can trying rolling them down to my waist, when I start to do this all the stuffed fat is starting to make it’s great escape not to mention you can’t real roll Spanx. Ok, what if I just take everything off, and just stand here in my underwear, no shit the Spanx are my underwear damn it. I actually contemplate going naked, I mean I’ve got a robe, I could just say I misunderstood her directions, however I am reminded that in lieu of shaving my legs this morning I opted for 5 minutes of extra sleep, damn. So here are my choices A. Get naked and look like Bigfoot and possibly a crazed nudist B.Try an fashion some underwear out of gauze, towels and tissues (now thats a challenge for Project Runway) or C. Stay as I am looking like a overstuffed tube of cookie dough that is slowly oozing from the top. None are great but I opt for the third one put on my robe and hope she won’t notice. Surely I can’t be the only woman who has worn a griddle to their mammogram. I hear the knock that I have been dreading, she walks in and her eyes get really wide. Oh, crap I was so busy with my lower half I didn’t realize that half of my hair has come loose and made it’s way to the side of my head, also because of all the adjusting I have managed to work up a pretty good sweat. How bad did I look? crazy enough for her to go “I’ll give you a few more minutes”

When she comes back I have managed to wipe the sweat off my face & repin my hair and she seems at ease that the crazed female banshee is gone. Little does she know the horror which is lurking for her under the robe.

In a side note I know I had to be her topic of conversation at the dinner table that night or perhaps when she tells people this is what happens- “She wore Spanx to her mammogram” no that isn’t true that’s just a mammogram urban legend.

Coriander

2012- April Alayne.

She, like her sisters illustrated before, was inspired by my love of floriography.

PRINTS will soon be available on AlwaysApril.Etsy.com

Thanks for looking, I hope you all are having a luscious day.

-April

]]> http://regenerationalchemy.com/2011/10/20/what-do-parabens-have-in-common-with-oj-simpson/ Thu, 20 Oct 2011 18:01:24 +0000 ranchoparadiso http://regenerationalchemy.com/2011/10/20/what-do-parabens-have-in-common-with-oj-simpson/ We see “paraben-free” on labels enough these days to assume it’s something bad, but what are they? A class of chemicals widely used as preservatives – they can be found in shampoos, commercial moisturizers, shaving gels, personal lubricants, topical pharmaceuticals, spray tanning solution, makeup, and toothpaste. They are also used as food additives.
Average levels of 20 nanograms/gram of parabens have been detected in a small sample of 20 breast tumors.These findings, along with the demonstrated ability of some parabens to partially mimic estrogen, a hormone known to play a role in the development of breast cancers, have led some scientists to conclude that the presence of parabens may be associated with the occurrence of breast cancer. Interestingly, up to 60% of all breast tumors are found in just one-fifth of the breast – the upper-outer quadrant, nearest the underarm. Which suggests that they came from something applied to the skin.
No direct evidence of a causal link between parabens and cancer, however, has been shown. Geez, what do they need???
The American Cancer Society also concluded that there was insufficient scientific evidence to support a claim that use of cosmetics such as antiperspirants increase an individual’s risk of developing breast cancer, but went on to state that “larger studies are needed to find out what effect, if any, parabens might have on breast cancer risk.” While current studies do not causally link parabens with tumors, neither do these studies demonstrate that parabens are safe; the long-term health effects of exposure to parabens are essentially unknown.

Normally when I read things such as “insufficient scientific evidence”, I write it off as nothing to be concerned about. But this seems like the evidence is right there, but parabens are just getting away on technicalities. Like OJ and that stupid glove.

footnote: All text in red has been taken from good old Wikipedia.

Art and the human. The human. The human in me is living through the faces of cultural Europe. Let’s make one thing clear: I am not human. Nor am I the ultimate icon of denial for Post-modernist thinkers that is the humble medium of the universal truths of human emotion, human’s true eye on reality. But, yah, no-one said I was, so I’m not quite sure how I came to emphasize that here.

I am merely a writer from another dimension with the desire to share his soul, and how it is thrown back by the force of the human beings denying its existence in the face of their reality. It brings me to life…A life I don’t need, as it is one in which art is facing total annihilation.

Ah, humanness: Gaia forbid that you ever be left uncaptured by the brush holding, pen licking, clay sticking, stage tricking, string plucking, dicks ****** freaks and geeks on this earth that we call artists. Mozart, Kafka and Brecht. I am walking in their footsteps…And I’m sad I came too late.

The traces of great men with great minds in times of terrible trouble. And it occurred to me that none of these traces will be captured in a glass box, plaster casted to outlast the shit storm we are currently concocting.

It occurred to me that these traces needed to be refreshed…

1 2/3 cups flour

1 teaspoon dried yeast

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon sugar

1 1/4 cups water

sesame as much as you want

Whisk together the dry ingredients. Add the water and set aside for 15 minutes.

Pour in the baking tin and bake it 5 minutes on 480°F. Then bake it on 400°F till its brown!

June 29th 2011 – Exercise and Breasts. Bethany Learn of Fit 2b Us visits to share info on women and exercise. Should exercises be different for men and women, do the breasts limit them plus a great recipe for breast milk beer bread. Also info on birth control pills related to women’s mind body connection. Don’t miss this one!

LISTEN NOW

get the recipe for Bethany’s Breast Milk Beer Bread

I tried thinking a lot but could not find definite question that I would like to ask.I closed my eyes to calm myself down and concentrate. All kind of distractions like the noise of vehicles on the nearby road, kids playing on the ground, people talking to each other while jogging and some people speaking over cell phone. All were disturbing to me and I opened my eye to scold each of them by my look. But as always it was ineffective. I again closed my eyes and tried to concentrate and I recalled what my uncle had taught me. I tried to feel the breath. Tried to see where it is going, feeling and movements at nostril, wind pipe, lungs, chest, stomach. Then a fly came and sat on my nose. I shooed it away with displeasure. Again tried the effort of watching my breath in and out. Ignored the noises and tried to tolerate the minor distractions. After couple of moments I could feel a silence all around. Tried to enjoy the silence for sometime. I continued watching my breath but somehow it became very short and non-existent after sometime. I was feeling good and something was trying to push top of my head from within. It is as if, there is a rod in my spine which is trying to come out through top of my skull. It was not uncomfortable though. I was enjoying a lot. There were several small vibrations and mild pains in various muscled of my body but I ignored them. Gradually I was feeling as if I am going in a tunnel with great speed. I was enjoying. After sometime I was out in a space where here is no boundary. No earth, no sky, nothing around. I felt as if somebody had put a torchlight on my face. I was feeling good but suddenly one gentleman pushed me while trying to give space to one of his friend in the same bench where I was sitting.

I was back to my normal state and everything was going on as usual. The only change was two people adjusted themselves in the space which I reserved for Dadu. This experience was magical but it had raised a question in my mind. “What am I worth in this world? I mean, am I really needed in this world? If I will not be there then what loss will this world suffer?”. I heard, “Nothing!”. I looked to my side and saw Dadu standing there with his walking stick. But his answer nothing was to somebody else. I stood up and touched his feet. We went to another empty bench. There I asked, “Why you were so late today? Where do you stay by the way? Next time I do not find you, I will go to your home.”. He laughed and said, “You need me? I am a very very old man. What is my use in this world? My presence or absence does not matter. I cause problem to people enjoying their drive because they have to apply break and spend their battery power by honking, because I can not walk faster. I am a wastage of time and money for many people in this world. I am not worth in this world.” he said. I replied with anger, “Those drivers should be punished. How can they honk at you while you are crossing the road. You are worth million of people together. You know so much and you can help us youngsters to lead a better life. We can not get right answer always and we need you at that time. You are priceless Dadu. Don’t ever say that.”. He was smiling and listening to me. Once I was done with my outburst, he stood up and said, “It is getting late for you as you have to go to office and for me too. May god bless you.” He stood up and walked towards the gate along with another senior. They were busy talking something so I did not want to disturb him.

I thought about my question. How much Dadu is worth is dependent on how much we are getting from him? Although was a very selfish statement but truth. So, what I am worth is dependent on what can I do for others? Hmm. Dadu was very clever. He did not answer but let me answer my question myself. I was delighted to know that my work for self is not of any value unless anybody else is getting benefit out of it. The more people get benefitted hen I am move worthy. I also realized that Dadu is worth because his advices are of high standard. So I can be worthy only if the help people get from me is of high standard. Wonderful. It was time for me to start being worthy so I started walking towards home. Most probably Dadu had gone by then because I could not see him.

Namaste!!!

- Stray Dog

As for the arsehole/dickhead thing or even being called a “fuckwit” or told things such as “Oh don’t get me started on what I’ve heard [about you]..” now as for all the gossip girls and guys out there who decide to even threaten or “hurt” my feelings by telling me the things I’ve supposedly done? Come on “what you’ve heard is probably most definitely true, I’m an arsehole, abuser, slut and a user good day!”

Now as for “Without Any Strife” its bitchy’ness, the drama, the downright lack of honesty and trust, Oh its not just women, but men as well, there are drama craving, bitchy, conniving men. Now I’m just thinking to myself “what the fuck has this world come to”. Obviously somebody either lacked or overfed on the milk from their fair mother’s bosom.

Well i guess this new adventure of mine, will turn over something other then just boring hair wrenching frustration.

If this is your first time reading, your probably think “shit, this guy is definitely not a people person” well your mistaken, i actually quite like people, but its the sociopaths and like i said conniving people, who are far too insecure often leading them to hurt their “friends” around them, on purpose. Well who likes those people? You? I wouldn’t think so….

Now as for my day a few days ago, its was wonderful! “Australia day” where you drink to your hearts content and more! As well as showing your Australian patriotism! But unfortunately for a few of my friends, they enjoyed their drink way too much, and wanted to show everybody the contents of their stomach, ahh just fertilizer for the garden right? But as the night went on, it was sleep that i was fond of, at the early time of 3:00 AM!

Yes it was hangover afternoon yesterday, but i saw a hilarious show last night called “A Ladies Guide To Brothels” based in Britain a pair of “older ladies” as well as the WI aka Women’s Institute made up of your friendly British neighbourhood grannies trying to legalize brothels in England, they visit famous brothel cities and states all around the world such as Holland with their window brothels, Nevada and New Zealand and they also visit adult shops, with curiosities’ for certain toys such as the “ass midget” often inquiring as to “i wonder what they use this for”, don’t believe me? hahaha here you are: http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/passionateeyeshowcase/2008/ladysguide/.

Now i know late night TV is strange and almost erotic especially with all those advertisements about “phone this number and talk to:” “minxy Mary”, “Champagne”, “Licky Lillie”, or even “cocksucker Kate”. Mmmm late night TV is definitely for the lonely, but nothing will beat watching a pair of grannies almost having heart attacks and fits of embarrassment at an adult shop, now that’s entertainment!

Now its 7.46 PM on a Friday here in Sydney, and its going out night So definitely “too much” drinking, no smoking (without crossed fingers) and hopefully the latter But most definitely “too much” of an arsehole to those who deserve it

Here is my ode to the night:

We shall drink like we are weary travellers waiting with the parched taste of our dry tongues for the drop of elixir will splash its pungent immortal intoxicating smell throughout our blood driving our insanity flowing through face and tongue.

Our bloodshot weary eyes wander relentlessly at this golden froth topped man drink but unbeknown to our irresponsible minds the next morning will shout us the burden of our hazy night.

Yours the drinking, smoking, fucking, arsehole without strife

Alexander Vince

P.S I’m pretty sure I’ll live my life my way Thankyou, but please stop me if i confuse a woman with an actual transsexual, would be extremely awkward in the morning, I’d rather be lonely that night.

Romania thanks WWE for making this possible.
Matches
The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels
Bret Hart vs. Mr. McMahon in a No Holds Barred Match
John Cena def. Batista (New WWE Champion)
World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho def. Edge
Jack Swagger wins Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Unified Tag Team Champion Big Show & The Miz def. John Morrison & R-Truth
Triple H def. Sheamus
Randy Orton wins Triple Threat Match vs. Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes
Rey Mysterio def. CM Punk
Vickie Guerrero’s team wins the 10-Diva Tag Team Match
Yoshi Tatsu wins 26-Superstar WrestleMania Battle Royal

All World Wrestling Entertainment programming, talent names, images, likenesses, slogans, wrestling moves, trademarks, logos and copyrights are the exclusive property of World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. and its subsidiaries. All other trademarks, logos and copyrights are the property of their respective owners. © 2010 World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

This painting is extremely special to me. This is Sunshine, We have special relationship. Filled with little drama and fun times 98% of the the time. This is also my first nude painting. The process for this nude was the way I feel all nudes should be made, naturally and honestly.

LoveLife

Kevin

Top Critic

1.

Dress sense is a difficult thing for most modern party goers. Choosing colour may take precedence over size. Tonight a rather well endowed lady had picked a black dress that was perhaps a little on the loose side. With a chest size probably in the double ‘d’ category she had difficulty maintaining complete coverage. This was exaggerated when she lent into a motor vehicle nearby to put something down and her two breasts quite literally fell out. Rather than be embarrassed, she appeared to appreciate the male attention.

Having a special soccer match on in the area brought out many team players. They were wearing their colours which presented a problem. However I erred on the side of flexibility and allowed them in. That was until one decided to use the in-house automatic teller machine as penis receptacle.

]]> http://bouncermemoirs.wordpress.com/2009/01/25/underage-with-drugs-and-no-g-string/ Sun, 25 Jan 2009 00:49:26 +0000 Rwango http://bouncermemoirs.wordpress.com/2009/01/25/underage-with-drugs-and-no-g-string/ First up for the evening, a drug bust. A gentleman walked past with police rapidly approaching. Just up from our venue they asked him to empty his pockets. It appeared he had something because he began to throw things around and then it was on. Just out of sight they took him to the ground and reinforcements arrived. Quite a show – hopefully another drug dealer off the streets.

A little girl came to the door with 3 other guys. I asked for her ID which she dutifully presented without any fuss. I checked the year – 1992. Hmm, I said “good try, but not tonight ok!” She was cordial and left with her friends. Makes me wonder if she had gotten past others like that before.

Many intoxicated people around. I refused lots of drunken guys and gals, although I never said they are drunk, because most people take offense to that. I tell them they are intoxicated and I cannot let them in tonight.

Sometimes what you perceive to be going on is not the case. Two men in an aggressive hold – one in a headlock, the other with large amounts of blood spurting from his face. Was it a fight? Initial thoughts were that he was attacked, but we later discovered that he had glassed himself with a bottle… what can you say!

Air on G string, or G string on footpath! Yep, some lady lost her underwear on the street in between two venues and in clear view of bouncers. Yet neither of us witnessed it.

I had a break the night before, hence no post.

Telling me that you’re a former cage fighter and that you will back me up when the fights with the cowboys start will not win me over. Four foreigners (from a different State) came to the venue last night, one very weird and his mates full of fighting prowess. I had one tell me not to touch the weird one because he is damaged from an accident, and he could get unruly. With all the alarm bells going off in my head I got the head guys details and told them the instant we were not happy with their behaviour they were to leave. They left less than ½ an hour later.

While talking to some smokers, I noticed in the car park a station wagon with its back door open and a person leaning in. Observing the situation I all of a sudden realised that it was a lady, under the street lights in plain view of everyone getting changed. There was a level of modesty with her putting a dress over her tank top and jeans, but then the rest was removed – right there! Almost naked in front of everyone, her friend was laughing at the attention she garnered.

Two girls, had been rolling in the grass, one bottle blonde, the other natural, neither with ID. I told them they could come in as soon as they showed ID with their age being higher than 18. I then commented about them rolling in the grass together.  They took this as their opportunity to try and persuade me using sexual advances. The bottle blonde said I should draw a picture in my mind of them rolling in the grass, and that they would do anything my imagination could come up with and more, including lesbian activity. I responded with, “that would be unprofessional of me!”.  The true blonde tried to rub her breasts up against me and told me how much they could do together if I wanted to watch.

After some disappointing discussions about not letting them in, a minor distraction and the bottle blonde slipped through. I dealt with what I had, then was relieved by another bouncer so I could find Ms Bottle Blond. As soon as I went to the bar, she was chatting up some guy and drinking his drink. As I escorted her from the venue she tried to conceal a beverage on her. After a brief scuffle I gained it back and a little abuse – par for the course. She was a unpleasant lady.

“She swallows!”, proclaimed the nice gentleman holding onto his, I assume, partner. She looked horrified initially and then made some mention about him liking it. There were grins all around the nearby guys and looks ranging from disbelief to disgust from the ladies.

Two couples walked in and one guy said to the other guy’s lady, “hey you got no underwear on!”. Walking up steps it was easy for him to discern this because of the short wavy skirt she was wearing. There was laughter and jokes abound for her, and she was completely unfazed about being ‘discovered’.