Courtesy of the wild Irish comedy “Father Ted.”

Sigmund Freud did some important things, including discovering the unconscious mind.  He also pushed those of us who have dreams about snakes into waking up shouting, “Dear god, I need to get laid!”

Well, dear readers, Freud was a bit of a snake himself, wasn’t he?  Especially when it came to the clitoris.  He believed–because he possessed one, snort–that cocks were “more developed” than clits.  He also believed that when a young girl touches her clitoris for pleasure, she is acting as if she has a small penis (when, according to Freud, she really doesn’t).  As soon as she realizes that she doesn’t have a penis, she is embarrassed, said Freud, and starts to masturbate vaginally.

Holy shit.  Pass me a stake, Buffy.

Anyhoo, this was a load of horse manure (apologies to horses), yet it’s the kind of crap that we’ve been hearing since Ancient Greek and Roman times:  ”The pussy is less, the penis is more” has too often been our birthright.  *Lana holds head and groans.*

Of course, it so happens that we’ve all been restricted by such babble, men included.  Society’s focus on the penis has caused many to think that size is a marker of sexual performance, which, of course, is a heap of steaming lies.  (When Anais Nin told Henry Miller that she loved his cock because it was smaller than her husband’s and therefore fitted her better, he was profoundly confused.)  As for women, we’ve often been taught that we have something “less” then men.  Indeed, an old professor once told me that, in Elizabethan English slang, a penis was called a “thing” and a woman’s pussy (brace yourself) was therefore called a “no thing.”

Someone please fix me a vodka while I find my boxing gloves.

So!  Today, I challenge you to say something proud about your clit—or clits in general—in public.  Here are a few examples of fabulous things to share

Hard-ons, everyone!  Yes, considering that our clits are about the same size as a small penis, our resulting hard-ons can be pretty darn big.  Sadly, society is often unaware of the fact that women have hard-ons.  So let’s shout it from the rooftops. “I have hard-ons, yes!”

Okay, this one’s a deep one:  As explained by Riki Wilchins in “Genderqueer: Voices from Beyond the Sexual Binary,” we cut up babies on a daily basis because they have both a clit and a penis, or a similar combination.  Says Riki, “Intersexed infants, who are not clearly male or female, occur in about one in every 2000 births.  Because anything that is not male or female is not a true sex, we pronounce them ‘abnormal,’ fit them legally into male or female, and fit them physically into boy or girl by cutting them up at a rate of about five a day.”  Fortunately, there are babies who are not cut up because of this.  In other words, just because someone is born with a penis doesn’t mean that they weren’t also born with a clit, and just because someone is born with a clit doesn’t mean they weren’t also born with a penis.  Oh, and some folks have both.  So suck on that, Freud.

Freud said that dreams about snakes were dreams about the penis…or about all things male.  Yet, he never said that dreams about snakes might be dreams about the clitoris.  I’m saying that though.  Yes, me.  I say, “Dreams about snakes are dreams about the clitoris,” and it seems I have just about as much evidence as good old Mr. Freud.  *Lana beams, proud of self*

There’s a course you can do—a fabulous, spiritual-sexual course—called the Mermaid Voyage: A Two-Week Journey of Erotic Self-Discovery.  In this course, we gain erotic and romantic self-esteem, and we treat the clitoris as a sexual-spiritual gem.  This is a great way of tapping your erotic light in order to help love yourself and also attract the friends and partners you desire.  Find out more, and enjoy a free audio visualization, via Go Deeper Press.

And ya know, when we talk about vaginal and clitoral orgasms, the clitoris is the origin of both.  (Thank you, dear Ms. Clit, for a raging good time.)  In fact, if we were taught about this during sex education classes, we’d know that clitoral stimulation is the key to all kinds of orgasm.  The vaginal orgasm originates in the clit.  The clit is key, baby.  The clit is key.

A brief aside:  In my sex ed. class at the age of 12, one of the few things I learned was how to put a condom onto a banana.

Well, those are a few of the things I like to say about clits, but frankly, I bet you have many of your own to share.  So please do comment below!  I’d love to hear your ideas.  What’s more, today is a celebratory day of clitoral loveliness, and so we’re having a marvelous blog hop!  Please please do visit these wonderfully knowledgeable peeps and read their posts on the gorgeous clitoris.

August McLaughlin: The Highly Sensitive Clitoris

Ande Lyons at Bring Back Desire: Celebrating the Clitoris

Kitt Crescendo: Project Cliteracy

Yolanda Shoshanna: Cheers to the Clit

Angela Tavares Where Were You the First Time You Found the Clitoris?

And you can also join us on Twitter (#ClitChat and #ClitParty).  The most popular tweet today will win a Go Deeper Press erotic e-book of choice, a reading from the amazing sex-positive Clairvoyant, Yolanda Shoshanna, and (yes, there’s more!) a free e-book from the marvelous Bring Back Desire.  All for a tweet!  I don’t know about you, but my clit is doing a little dance in celebration.

Also, if you fancy writing erotica with me in Boston, (yay!), check out Go Deeper, Baby: Writing Meaningful Erotica.

So see you on Twitter!

And in the words of Susie Bright, clits up.

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Thanks for supporting Go Deeper Press. If you’d like to browse our erotic, sex-positive e-books for brain and brawn, you can find our website here.

Most of you know that I’ve been working on a writing project. A few of you realized it’s a manuscript. I’ve kept the details close to the vest as I wrote, afraid to jinx myself. Maybe even afraid to hope. Well, no more. After sharing my work with my editor and three very carefully selected beta readers (Thank you, ladies) I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to handle this the way I handle pretty much everything else in my life. Jump in with both feet!

I know what you’re thinking. What does this have to do with her guest blog post? It has EVERYTHING to do with my guest post. You see, Ande asked me to write about how erotic romance can help you improve your love life from a writer’s perspective. For me, that was a “wow” moment. Ande is a connoisseur of erotic romances and she shares that love on her blog. And she felt I was qualified to write about erotic romances from a writer’s perspective! How cool is that? I haven’t even published anything yet.

I was already a bit staggered by the amount of faith and support my close friends and family have given me. Most of you know when I lost my job it would have been easy for me to find something else based on my skill set. Instead, my husband, knowing there would be some financial hardships for a while, encouraged me to stay home and follow my dreams. On the day I lost my job my sister and my best friend both called me to tell me they thought I should have been writing all along. And then there was my editor. She read my very rough draft and saw through all the writing mistakes to what it could be, then held my hand all the way through (both with tough love and positive reinforcement). Somewhere along the way, between this blog and Twitter, I made some amazing friends. In fact, all three of them were kind enough to read my manuscript and give feedback.

Who knew that my habit for writing out my hot, steamy fantasies would lead me down this path? Keep an eye open. Pretty soon I’ll be sharing bits and pieces of my creations… Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. With that in mind, my question for you guys today is this…. Have you ever found yourself taking a path in life you never expected to? Where did that path lead you? You guys know you’re also welcome to ask me anything you want….

But in the meantime, go check out that blog post. And for those of you who enjoy reading the racy, check out Desiree Holt, one of the coolest grandmas out there in her interview with CBS. (By the way, I’ve got to say, I’m really disappointed in the rude, condescending interviewer…. She sure handled him with class, though.)

So the Awesome Ande Lyons at Bring Back Desire reached out to me again and asked me to repurpose another of my posts for another article! Of course I am thrilled! Anything to help women out there discover or rediscover their sensual side is an awesome cause to me. The fact that she dedicates an entire website and radio show to this specific purpose is amazing! In fact, I think she and August McLaughlin and her Girl Boners have a ton in common when it comes to shared causes! Maybe that’s why I enjoy them both so much.

Anyway, I would love it if you guys would drop by her site, check out the post and give her some love! We have re-titled it, but I think some of you may still recognize it.

I’m also working on finishing another project by the end of the weekend, so hopefully I’ll have more free time to hang out with you guys again. I’ve missed you guys! In the meantime, Please, PLEASE! What have you guys been up to? What’s new?

To celebrate the near completion of my projects (thanks to Jessi Gage, what began as one found a way of multiplying), another repurposed article under my belt and the beginning of the weekend…we need music! A little nostalgic flashback sounds good to me!

Second, I heard from my friend, Ande, at Bring Back Desire. She wanted to let me know that the post I’d repurposed on Making Love v. Having Sex for her had been viewed 981 times so far! Woohoo! I know a big part of that was you guys, so thanks for stopping by, checking it out and commenting!

In fact, I’d like to throw some shout outs to my awesome blogging buddies who showed some love. If you haven’t checked out their blogs yet, click the links to their blogs…you won’t be sorry:

The Cranky Caregiver- Her story on how WordPress has given her an appreciation for a form of writing she’d never cared to explore before.

Jessi Gage- A little bit about her new release Wishing For A Highlander

Phil- The Regular Guy NYC. In this particular post he discusses the things about flying that make him crazy and keep you laughing and nodding.

LJ Kentowski- She’s writing a new book. Here, she’s introducing us to one of the colorful characters in her new piece of work.

Gloria Richard- You’ll just have to read it to understand. Needless to say, she’s definitely a kindred spirit.

Since then I’ve written another post that appealed to her that she’s asked me to repurpose. Needless to say, I’m honored. She is wonderful, and so it what she does. By the way, if you haven’t liked Bring Back Desire on Facebook, you should! Mondays are especially awesome because she does Romantic Music Mondays and she takes requests.

I can’t wait for you guys to see which post I repurpose for her next… And hopefully, soon I’ll have some news to share with you on this project ‘o’ mine.

By the way, was I the only one completely thrown off by the fact that Easter is in March this year?

We would love if you guys would stop on in and check it out!

Ande runs this amazing site for women called Bring Back Desire. The focus of her website is “sharing resources with women who want more intimacy, passion, sensual pleasure and sexual excitement”. I think that’s an amazing cause. I’ve been thrilled when she’s chosen to comment on one of my posts. I really do admire her work and what it means to women.

Well, late Sunday evening I saw an email from her in my mailbox. She really enjoyed my blog post about the differences between Sex and Making Love from a few days ago. She has asked me if I’d be willing to repurpose it a little bit so she can post it as an article on her website. How cool is that? Of course I told her I’d be thrilled to do so. I mean, when someone you look up to and admire for their contributions like that comes to you…WOW!

Anyway, I have been a bad blog buddy lately, between finishing my project, starting a new business and now this…but I’ll be back in a few days. I promise! I love you guys too much to stay away. You’re all awesome!

Here’s the deal. I’m very quirky about extramarital affairs. I hated The Scarlet Letter and refuse to read or watch or read The Bridges Of Madison County. Maybe it comes from my dad repeatedly cheating on my mom, but I don’t find anything that glorifies or excuses adultery to be the slightest bit appealing. Having said that…I’m about to throw a big kink (pun intended) in this whole thing. Strange as it may seem, I have absolutely no issue with committed polyamorous relationships or sharing as long as both parties in the committed relationship are either there or have given consent. Yeah, that means I’m okay with exploring the voyeur/exhibitionist sides of relationships. The truth is, I LOVE reading this kind of book. Menage, BDSM, exihibitionism/voyeurism…I’m good with all of it! In fact, that’s the playground where I enjoy dipping my pen. Is this kind of relationship something I’d be interested in for real? No. I’m perfectly happy with having only one husband. Two may be a bit much to handle…LOL!

Why am I bringing this up? First, because I can. Second, because a friend of mine called me yesterday and got me thinking about cheating. She was talking in the context of her ex-husband. I’ll expand on this in just a moment.

Here’s the question I have for you guys before I continue with her story and put in my $.02. What construes cheating to you?

I know people can be very different about this. I’ve spoken to some women who’ve told me that the reason they’ve never purchased a sex toy (vibrator, dildo) is because their husband would feel threatened…and felt that this was necessary because they weren’t good enough in bed or some other such (in my opinion only) nonsense. The husbands have stated that they viewed this as a form of cheating. Personally, I subscribe to my friend Ande’s point of view that it can enhance the relationship (especially when used together). I don’t think that’s particularly progressive, just fact. Am I wrong? Well, if my girl Katie could cheat on her DVR with her boyfriend, I guess anything’s possible…;-)

I have other friends who feel watching porn is cheating. Personally, I don’t have a problem there, either. In fact, hubby and I have watched adult movies together. Sometimes it can spice things up! Sometimes it can give you ideas. Hopefully those ideas are more feasable than Natalie’s, because trips to the ER are not much fun, not to mention embarassing to explain to hospital personnel…trust me. I used to be hospital personnel…I could tell you stories! LOL! (Maybe another time)

What about constant texting and Facebook/Twitter messaging or emailing? Especially if it’s kept quiet from the significant other? Some feel that this is cheating emotionally. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I don’t quite think it’s cheating. It’s definitely a gateway to heading down that path…because then it’s usually followed by meeting for coffee or drinks without telling the person with whom you’re in a relationship. Yeah…that’s a gateway. Anything that requires secretiveness and/or lies is probably not a great path to go down…but still not quite cheating.

Prostitutes or other one nighters…different area code or not? Yeah, to me that’s cheating. Sex of any kind without your significant other’s concent crosses a line for me. Am I wrong?

Here’s the story with my friend’s ex. You guys tell me if you think it’s cheating. My last statement above should probably tell you what my thoughts are… Her ex-husband used to sit online looking at porn and “spanking his monkey”. A lot. Here’s the twist. He was “jerkin’ his guerkin” to live webcam feeds. Interacting with the girls. Paying them. Telling them what to do. Watching them while they watched him. In a situation like that, would you consider it cheating? That he was doing this furtively goes without question. Where do you draw your cheating line?

I heard this beautiful, heartfelt song last night.  I’d never heard of this artist before, but he really touched my heart.  I discovered him through the Facebook page of a website called http://www.bringbackdesire.com/.  From what I can gather, their whole premise is happy relationships…how to make them, how to find them, how to keep them.

But the thing that really got me was the song.  “A Place Called Love”.  Hmmm.  I’d never thought of love as a place before.  I always thought of it as a thing, a feeling, an emotion.  So I dug a little deeper in my heart…and here’s what I found.

When times are rough
And life gets me down,
I run to you.
When inspiration
Whispers in my ear,
I look for you.
When joy bubbles out
And laughter rings,
I share with you.
When I am lost
And small, and scared
I call to you.
The ups, the downs
The highs, the lows
It’s you and me.
You’re my home.

Yup…this is what the song means to me.  In the immortal words of Martina McBride, “Love’s the only house.”  For me, Love=Home.  If you’ve got a problem with my equation…find one that works for you.  I wish you happiness.  It’s not an easy commodity to come by.