Last Wednesday, I looked up from my desk to see a badly scotch-taped collage, of all our latest print materials, on the wall facing my office door. This includes, only one version of my postcard that I made for that artist, but two of the one that he supplied. It is, actually, very close to being “wallpaper”.

Since my former manager left, and we are quite short on computers (especially Macs, which is a travesty), I have taken over my former manager’s office. It’s not so much an office as it is a broom closet. With bad feng shui, which is what I was told by a coworker who pointed out the window of the office across the hall and said, “looking out windows at corners of buildings is bad.”

I have 3 stacks of abused foam core leaning up against the wall opposite my desk. The clearance between abused foam core and my desk measures 18 inches. Every day, as I walk in and out of my office, I either further abuse the foam core, or run my hip into the side of my million ton sharp edged desk.

This morning, enough was enough. I moved the stacks so they won’t interfere with my walking. It’s only taken close to 3 months for me to say, “enough is enough!”

The next problem to tackle is this mid sized paper bag full of postcards sitting underneath my desk. These postcards were given to me as a “gift” by a dancer promoting his own show. I had actually designed postcards for him, labored over them, then ordered 3,000 of them. He came to me a week later with his own version – he told me design was “ok” and then handed me some shit with bad font choices, which I was supposed to use to promote his show. I continued to use my postcards, and then kept the rest of the pile underneath my desk, in the exact paper bag the cards where in when he brought them to me.

The postcards haven’t really been a problem, up until this week. Read: Yesterday. I have an influx of other materials I need to keep under my desk, such as, 2 pairs of shoes, my bike helmet, and a few boxes of unknown items which I had to move when I had an interviewee coming into my office last week and didn’t want him to think that my office really was the broom closet. I keep kicking the bag, and now I’ve actually started storing other things in the bag. Such as, poor quality printed materials from our expensive color printer.

Yesterday, after I read this blog, and killed about 10 minutes of my eternal workday, I started to think about possible ways to reuse and/or discreetly recycle the mass of postcards under my desk, which I estimate to be about 1,000.

I was told by a coworker to recycle them, but if my boss sees them in the recycle bin, she will slit my throat for not using them, and with this wedding coming up, I would like to reduce the number of incidents that may leave me and my neck permanently scarred. So, I’ve decided I’m going to have my intern wallpaper my office with them. I suspect that it will only take 25 4″ by 6″ postcards to cover my entire office, so, I’ll still have another 975 postcards to dispose of. My best bet was to get them to a schizophrenic homeless man who can make a house of cards with them. If you have a better suggestion, drop it in the box.

And seriously, that blog I pointed out is part of daily 10 minute time out that I use to decompress before starting a new project, you should try it too.

I’m frequently asked by women for tips on getting a man.  What special charms did Delicate Flower use to score?  Well, I’ve decided to share my secret.  I”m pretty secure about my current situation and am banking on not needing this special lure anymore.

Remember that old adage, “The way to a man’s heart is through is stomach”?  Men are extremely turned on by food in all forms and fashions.   If you follow my advice you’ll have that big hunk of a man eating (out of) your hand in no time! For a limited time I will be selling my secret recipe…………. Bacon Soap.

Simply use my special soap before that big date. Step into the shower, wet your skin and apply liberally. The soap slides effortlessly across your skin, like a slab of raw bacon.  Skin feels plump and supple while emitting that lovely home cooked bacon smell your man will love.  Be prepared to be ravished!

To purchase, send $5.99 to delicate54flower@yahoo.com.  Be sure to include your shipping address.

I really just have to say it, because, I’ve been in a foul mood all evening…

I am so glad that I have spectacular work ethic. SO GLAD that I work SO HARD so that I can EFFING watch and witness other people NOT do any WORK. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? It makes me want to scream expletives. Like this: (%&$&*!)@*($(*#*&!*#^$*@^%#^ WHAT THE FUCK!

I just got a promotion at work.

I am super stoked.

Oh, me. I’m a dork.

All this economy talk always had me thinking…”I sure am glad that healthcare and government jobs are secure.”

But now it appears that some of the city’s council members wish to decrease the budget for the department where Mr D2S works. If this happens, he would most likely lose his job. (Newest hired = quickest fired.) The budget proposal did NOT pass, but this issue could easily arise again. I don’t know why exactly, but I would still be very surprised if he lost his job. It’s just a little unimaginable, I guess.

I’m very glad that I am now working, making my lovely salary. And I’m doubly glad that we’re purchasing a house that we could afford with only one of us working.

Maybe it’s wise that we’re postponing trying to achieve a pregnancy…

My first paycheck, which consisted of one week’s salary, was direct-deposited into our checking account. Thankfully, my withholdings were corrected, and only 20% was taken out.

I netted $1570.76.

It’s still a little amazing to me how much I make. For the past several years, when I was in school, I knew how much I would be earning post-graduation, but it’s just so different to actually see that money.

We’re still set to close on our home in a few short weeks, so all of our money is going to that. Soon, though, we’ll have to start deciding what to do with all of our new income.

Today my paycheck was direct-deposited into our main checking account.

Gross Pay: $2557.05

Net Pay: $1786.02

After a quick calculation, I realized that 30% of my pay was withheld!!

I specifically filled out a new W-4 to reflect that I’m married now and wanted 1 exemption, but it wasn’t updated in the system. I’m really irritated because I was doing this to get more cash now for our house. Fortunately it will be fixed before my next paycheck.

I find it very hard to guess how much to withhold. We’ll probably tweak with our W-4’s again. I want money now, but don’t want too large of a tax bill next April…

Because I cannot complain about this at work and my skull is about to explode.

Your boss has asked you to handle grant $ in a specific way.

Yes, it is makes more work for you.

I understand that you think it is totally unnecessary and “I haven’t seen an auditor in 30 years of doing this work and 100K is nothing to the feds.”

Times change. The new buzzword is accountability.

Her ass, and my ass, are on the line for what happens with this money.

Please just do your fucking job and stop whining. If you spent half the time you are spending bitching about this situation on solving it, you’d be done already and I would not have a hole in my tongue from biting it.

Off to go actually DO my job, while I’ve still got it…

p.s. You are the only male in the building.  Therefore when I enter the bathroom and the light is on, the toilet seat is up, AND there are fresh dribbles on the floor… it is pretty clear who did it.

p.p.s. I do not want to do your job.  I simply want YOU to do it WELL.  Had you bothered to look at the forms I had filled out previously, you would have seen that the totals are cumulative.  The correct response to “Hey, Chuck*, I’m sorry, but these forms aren’t filled out correctly” is not “Okay, you do them then,” it’s “Okay, what do I need to change?”

* Obviously, not his real name.

Because I’m not working today and I clearly do not feel like cleaning…

I’m posting like mad.

This morning a very important letter arrived in the mail. It notified me that I passed my licensing exam and am officially a professional woman! My hourly rate will double in one week and I will be salaried at $101, 000/yr.

Since the beginning of 2009, our take-home pay has looked like this:

January: 3026.47

February: 3304.37

March: 3048.05

April: 3411.36

May: 2973.47 (I only got paid for two shifts)
(Other income: $680 in graduation money)

I keep meaning to post. But there are so many things in my head, and so many of them are unbloggable.  I work at a small non-profit, and we are just barely surviving this economy and may very well not make it.  Which would be stressful enough without the partner of one of my colleagues suddenly learning (as in four days later he was having brain surgery) that he has stage 4 glioblastoma.  Which means that she is barely present at work and when she is, she isn’t.  Her family is her first priority, I truly believe that, but at the same time, it puts even more pressure on the rest of us.

So the past two months I’ve been dealing with this, and trying to fight off the demons in my head that threaten to suffocate me in anxiety and depression that paralyzes me and makes the smallest decision agonizing.  And then of course, I think, I need to work, I need to get stuff done, and it is even worse because I cannot.  I’ve gone back to therapy (good) and gotten some new head meds (also good, although the first ones my doctor put me on caused me to eat insatiably and I don’t know how I’m going to get rid of those ten pounds on top of all the other stress eating ones…) and in general am Hanging In There, You Go Girl and all that jazz.

So that’s where I’ve been.

That and trying to keep up with this whirlwind, whose smile puts it all in perspective for me.

He’s 2 1/2 and so full of ideas, opinions, and questions. “Cause why, Mama? Cause why?” His head spins around on his neck whenever anything wheeled goes by. He is polite (for a toddler) – melting hearts with his spontaneous thank-yous. He is incredibly physical – last weekend he climbed up a steep and rocky trail described as “not suitable for young children” – and he loves nothing more than to play endless games of chase, catch me! catch me!

And as long as that continues, everything else is ultimately gravy (but don’t tell me that when I’m pulling my hair out at work…)

Since the beginning of 2009, our take-home pay has looked like this:

January: 3026.47

February: 3304.37

March: 3048.05

April: 3411.36

Mr. D2S works full-time, and I currently work a few hours here and there, because I’m in school full-time.

In a couple months, when I’m working full-time, our income will triple. Our plan is to not change our spending habits too much, and just sock away cash. Hopefully, we’ll stick to it!

I had some serious fun crafting yesterday.  Beginning to seriously consider an Etsy store… 

I’m also starting to browse The Ring Lord for the materials to make that commissioned work I have.  All told, the order will likely take me over 15 hours of weaving to complete.  Very excited for my first big project!

Handmade chainmaille jewelry

So I finally got around to taking some pictures of the jewelry I enjoy making in my spare time.  Here’s a quick shot of a necklace and earring set that I made my aunt for her birthday.  Bright aluminum rings with turquoise glass beads. 

Now if I can only find somewhere to sell this stuff, I’ll be doing alright.  Though on a side note, I do have my first paying chainmaille gig– complete jewelry sets for a friend’s wedding.