Mazel tov to Gershon & Susan Weintraub upon the birth of a grandson, born to their children Aryeh & Rochella Fried. The Shalom Zachor will take place tonight at the Weintraub home, 1380 E 27th St (M–N), and the bris will take place on Sunday morning Nov. 29th at Merkaz Hasimcha, davening at 8:00 and bris at 8:45. May they have much nachas.

It’s time for Volume 3 of the prestigious and greatly overrated Fancy Plans’ Biblical remixing series. In this edition, we tackle a passage from the book of Joshua (chapter 5 to be exact) in which we find that being the leader of the nomadic Jews wasn’t all about laying siege to Jericho, but it was also about the tedious detail of running a well-organized tribe. It involves knives and other unmentionables.

Previously on The Bible:Fancy Plans’ Edition:
Vol. 1 – Revelations 22
Vol. 2 – Leviticus 5

A victorious Joshua claims Jericho for his people, setting them up for a lifetime of near-constant circumcisions.

Joshua 5

1 And it came to pass, when all the kings of the Amorites, which were on the side of Jordan westward, and all the kings of the Canaanites, which were by the sea, heard that the LORD had dried up the waters of Jordan from before the children of Israel, until we were passed over, that their heart melted, neither was there spirit in them any more, because of the children of Israel. They cried to the LORD, what the fuck, dude? Our water is gone and our hearts are melted. Morale is like, way low. The last pep rally sucked. Harsh.

2 At that time the LORD said unto Joshua, Make thee sharp knives, and circumcise again the children of Israel the second time. And next time, measure first. It’ll save you a whole lot of trouble.

3 And Joshua made him sharp knives, and circumcised the children of Israel at the hill of the foreskins. This is down by Jerry’s place. The guy who has the sign posted in his yard and the windowless van.

4 And this is the cause why Joshua did circumcise: All the people that came out of Egypt, that were males, even all the men of war, died in the wilderness by the way, after they came out of Egypt. And nothing turns boys to men faster than a good old-fashioned wiener chopping. Be sure and chop one high and tight, because you can’t sing “The End of the Road” without an alto.

5 Now all the people that came out were circumcised: but all the people that were born in the wilderness by the way as they came forth out of Egypt, them they had not circumcised. And Joshua said, really, what the fuck? How many people are here total? Because I had taken the earlier number to mean that I was done with the “unpleasantness,” but now it’s a regular bris-a-thon.

6 For the children of Israel walked forty years in the wilderness, till all the people that were men of war, which came out of Egypt, were consumed, because they obeyed not the voice of the LORD. They all had their reasons, mainly that it had been four decades without being able to sign anything more than a month-to-month lease. Oh, and all the dick chopping. Unto whom the LORD sware that he would not shew them the land, which the LORD sware unto their fathers that he would give us, a land that floweth with milk and honey, which is all well and good, I suppose. But it does seem a little weak in return to forty years of aimless wandering and crotchal knifings.

7 And their children, whom he raised up in their stead, them Joshua circumcised: for they were uncircumcised, because they had not circumcised them by the way. And Joshua complained, For the love of LORD, can a day go by without me having to get all stabby in people’s crotches? I mean, I love the work but a day off now and then would be fantastic. It’s been forty years of this and I can’t even throw hot dogs on the grill without wanting to head to the back to the tent and decapitate myself.

Joshua, fresh from a "double-header," charges into battle. Not pictured: Foreskin Hill.

8 And it came to pass, when they had done circumcising all the people, that they abode in their places in the camp, till they were whole. Well, mostly whole. They were missing a little foreskin but everyone was free to head up to Foreskin Hill and grab one. Just steer clear of Jerry.

9 And the LORD said unto Joshua, This day have I rolled away the reproach of Egypt from off you. Wherefore the name of the place is called Gilgal unto this day. And Joshua stared at his knives and said, “Whatever.”

10 And the children of Israel encamped in Gilgal, and kept the passover on the fourteenth day of the month at even in the plains of Jericho. Because you just can’t be Jewish without Passover. Or circumcision. Bi-weekly Passovers and near-constant circumcisions.

11 And they did eat of the old corn of the land on the morrow after the passover, unleavened cakes, and parched corn in the selfsame day. And thus began the tradition of brunch, which was used to get rid of last night’s leftovers at a “reasonable” price.

12 And the manna ceased on the morrow after they had eaten of the old corn of the land; neither had the children of Israel manna any more; but they did eat of the fruit of the land of Canaan that year. Goodbye, manna. Hello, old corn. Could things get any better? (No. Hey, get that knife away from me! I’m grandfathered in!)

13 And it came to pass, when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted up his eyes and looked, and, behold, there stood a man over against him with his sword drawn in his hand: and Joshua went unto him, and said unto him, Art thou for us, or for our adversaries? Or are you one of the members of the twice-circumcised club? Heehee. “Member.”

14 And he said, Nay; but as captain of the host of the LORD am I now come. And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and did worship, and said unto him, What saith my Lord unto his servant?

15 And the captain of the LORD’s host said unto Joshua, Loose thy shoe from off thy foot; for the place whereon thou standest is holy. And Joshua did so. And hurled it at the captain, swearing vengeance for forty long years of nomadic existence, crappy food and endless foreskinning.

-CLT

Igår ringde Staffan mig till jobbet. Han skulle då göra i ordning Olivia inför farmors tillställning på kvällen. Varje år i samband med sin födelsedag, har farmor en tjej-kväll och även detta år då även båda hennes barnbarn (tjejerna) skulle vara närvarande. 60 år är väl verkligen något att fira…eller? Resten av familjen skall träffa henne idag på brunchen. Härligt med så mysiga traditioner!

Hur som helst….då Staffan väl ringde mig på jobbet, berättade han om smset farmor hade fått utav Emma. I det stod att hon inte fick lov att komma. Farmor ringde upp och fick då veta att detta var på grund av att Emma varit “dum” i veckan. Ja, uppfostran i all ära, men sedan kröp det fram att det var den “officiella” versionen. Verklighetsbilden var istället någon helt annan. Att Emma skrikit emot sin mamma hemma och inte gjort läxorna borde kanske få en påföljd. Fast… skall  då inte straffet  vara i relation till brottet? Och om man nu nekar ett barn att åka till hennes farmor, skall man då istället låta henne åka till mormor? Eller var det sista utvägen för att få en barnfri kväll? Hmm…det stinker skit om det! Hela tiden försäkras det om att Emma mår bra, men vi har nu fått det bevisat att hon kuvas och till och med nekas att träffa resten av släkten (inte bara svinet som hennes mamma skaffat barn med).  Det uppdagades att anledningen till att Emma inte fick lov att åka till Astrid är att VI skulle kidnappa Emma! Och DETTA kan en snubbe som bor där vräka ur sig??! Jag får fan inte ihop det! Det som är ännu mer anmärkningsbart är det faktum att det INTE är   “mamman” som sköter hela det här skitsnacket, utan han som värmer hennes säng.

Jag som mamma skulle A L D R I G i hela mitt liv låta någon knull-kompis/pojkvän/tidsfördriv N Å G O N S I N få styra och ställa med M I N A barns uppfostran! De har redan en  R I K T I G pappa!

Man kan ju fråga sig om inte schizofreni härjar i fönsterputsarens hjärna, då han gång på gång säger motsägelsefulla saker. Eller handlar det om underhållsbidraget som de absolut inte vill bli utan?

A warm mazel tov to Mr. & Mrs. Yossie Stern upon the birth of a grandson, born to their children Rabbi & Shlomie Mrs. Rapaport. The shalom zachor and bris will take place at 28 High Street in Lakewood, and the bris will be on Monday in Lakewood. May they have much nachass.

Mazel tov to Rabbi & Mrs. Menachem Mantel upon the birth of a grandson, born to their children Rabbi & Mrs. Udi Mantel. The Shalom Zachor will take place in the Bostoner Shul, and the bris will be held on Sunday morning at Kaminetz hall, E. 19th & Ave. N. Shachris at 8:00 followed by the bris. May they have much nachass.

It’s one of the key questions that we’ve all pondered through our lovely lives: what can we call a bris? Here’s 10 lovely new names:

1. The slippy skin
2. Pink dream
3. Pull up to bumper, baby!
4. Last of the chaps
5. Richard
6. Nice to have
7. Pink ‘un
8. Fast and clean
9. The special choice
10. Uncle Tom

Sve je počelo u Nemačkoj 1933, a nastavilo se i gotovo neprekidno traje u Srbiji poslednjih dvadeset godina.

Dvoglava ptica bezglavog režima najpre je odletela na Kosovo polje, a potom se pričešćena svetom krvlju predaka prizemljila na Dedinju i odatle zakliktala mržnjom protiv političkih , verskih i kulturnih razlika na prostoru Brozove Jugoslavije. Samo dve i po godine je dremala, a onda je ponovo raširila kandže i krila nad Srbijom, zemljom koja joj je pružila utočište.

Nekoliko godina unazad, svedoci smo različitih oblika zločina i nasilja na ulicama Beograda. Žrtve su bili pripadnici drugačijih verskih, političkih i seksualnih opredeljenja. Poslednja među njima je Bris Taton, mladić iz Tuluza, navijač istoimenog fudbalskog kluba. Na njega je 17. septembra, u „gradu otvorenog srca“, pod otvorenim nebom nebeske Srbije nasrnuo poslednji nacistički ološ u Evropi, srušio ga na pločnik i besomučno gazio samo zato što je imao drugačije ime, što je govorio drugačijim jezikom i što je nosio drugačiji navijački šal.
Da li je to nacistički zločin? Jeste. Ko ga je počinio? Nitkovi koje je nezvanična politika ove zemlje regrutovala i pripremila za takvo gnusno nasilje, od čijih je posledica, dvanaest dana kasnije, Bris Taton preminuo.

Danas, dva dana posle toga, neki pospani momci i devojke, konačno su se probudili, rekao bih ne sasvim samostalno, i okupili se ispred Filozofskog fakulteta pod filozofskim geslom: „Stop nasilju!“
Naravno da je bilo potrebno, čak nužno, pored izraza saučešća francuskom narodu, izraziti javni protest protiv nacizma na beogradskim ulicama. U ovakvoj zemlji kakva je Srbija to bi se od danas moralo činiti svakoga dana. Ali, zašto se pod istim geslom podmlatci partija na vlasti nisu okupljali kada su u Beogradu rušene strane ambasade, kada su paljene džamije, kada su potpisivane međustranačke deklaracije o pomirenju, kada su na ulicama premlaćivani Romi, Hrvati, Australijanci, Poljaci, kada se otvoreno i glasno pretilo pripadnicima seksualnih manjina, kada je rukom Borisa Tadića otvorena škola „Srbija“ u sred države u kojoj su u ime naroda koga na(r)cistički želi da predstavlja počinjeni toliki zločini. Da li su tada, zajedno sa svojim stranačkim liderima, verovali da će nacizam sam od sebe nestati sa prestoničkih ulica?

Protest „Stop nasilju“ ne bi bio potreban, a Bris Taton i mnogi drugi danas bi bili među živima, da su upravo oni koji su se danas gurali u prve redove i koji su davali bljutave izjave za medije odgovorno sprovodili Ustav Republike Srbije. Da li u miru, kao i u ratu, postoji neka vrsta komandne odgovornosti? Naravno da postoji, samo što se ta odgovornost u miru zove politička odgovornost. Ko bi, sledeći tu logiku, trebalo da bude odgovoran za nacizam na ulicama Beograda i mnogih drugih gradova širom Srbije? Oni koji njome vladaju, a to su Boris Tadić, Ivica Dačić, Mlađan Dinkić i svi njihovi ministri i ministarke, svi oni koji su danas licemerno protestvovali protiv nasilja. Oni su tražili podršku građana da bi sprovodili Ustav, oni su se zakleli da će taj Ustav poštovati, oni su zbog toga i odgovorni za sve potonje žrtve nacizma u Srbiji.

Sve je počelo u Nemačkoj 1933, a nastavilo se i trajaće u Srbiji dok god Boris Tadić i njegova socijal-demokratska koalicija ne budu odgovarali za nesprečavanje nacizma.

Effectivement, le site Lepoint.fr revient d’ailleurs sur cette affaire.

Madame Marie-Dominique Kolega compte saisir le juge des référés pour obtenir une expertise indépendante concernant le bris d’écran d’iPhone qui a blessé à l’œil son fils Romain.

D’après Marie-Dominique, Apple n’a pas cessé de la harceler pour qu’elle renvoie l’iPhone mais elle n’a pas confiance.

La commissaire européenne en charge des consommateurs, Meglena Kuneva, ira jusqu’au bout de cette affaire.

Déjà sous la menace de retrait de son iPhone en Europe, Apple refuse toujours d’évoquer un défaut sur ses produits.

I was able to tag along to a neighbor’s girls night out last night. Before you get the idea that it was all Sex in the City in LA, let me correct you. It was a lovely evening chock full of butter-laden dishes at Comme Ca (super-yummy french restaurant on the edge of WEHO).

The conversation somehow turned to “egad, I could never have a Bris” if I had a boy.

What is a Bris? Welllll according to Wikipedia, it’s is a religious ceremony within Judaism to welcome infant Jewish boys into a covenant between God and the Children of Israel through ritual circumcision performed by a mohel (“circumciser”).

We shared notes from the trenches of the Bris ceremonies we had been to. Sadly they all sounded pretty bad. Yelling mohels. Bossy mother in laws. Craptastic food. Babies that sounded like they were being tortured. You get the picture.

To anyone not born jewish and to some who are, the whole idea of an 8-day old baby getting snipped in a room full of people you haven’t seen since your wedding sounds mighty uncomfortable. I remembered being so happy to have a girl because I wouldn’t have to deal with the drama and mystery of a Bris.

Luckily I can now say I have attended one amazing bris.   Now I get it. There was an amazing since of community. The couple was interfaith and the non-jewish dad had just as much to say about the naming of their gorgeous baby boy as the jewish mama. My daughter joined forces with their 3-year-old daughter and they were allowed to  wander in and out and be as much a part of the ceremony as a kid can be.  And there was a dog. An amazing chocolate lab that was so sweet and cuddly that anyone who was stressed just had to look at her to get taken away to Calgon-land.

The baby never cried. The parents were happy and welcoming. Kiddo and I ended up hanging out for at least six hours (maybe more). Literally we left when it was bath time. I got to meet the WHOLE family, learn about their history, eat yummy food, drink yummy wine, chit chat with two rabbis and one mohel and watch my daughter cement a friendship with their daughter that I hope lasts a lifetime.

So I say, you can have a great Bris.

Up Next:

• Bris-ket. I have to upload the yummy lo-res pics onto my computer, then I can hook it up!

Depuis quelques années, la recherche sur la prophylaxie post-exposition en cas de contact sexuel à risque a donné lieu à des avancées majeures, et cette recherche se poursuit de nos jours. Par exemple, lorsqu’un couple « séro-discordant » (un des partenaires est porteur du VIH, l’autre pas) a un accident sexuel – bris de condom, condom qui reste dans le vagin ou le rectum, pénétration non-protégée en raison de consommation de drogue ou d’alcool, ou pour toute autre raison –, un traitement préventif peut être envisagé. Il est important de souligner qu’on ne parle pas ici de la pilule du lendemain. Il est encore difficile d’évaluer l’efficacité de tels traitements préventifs. La théorie en matière de PPE sexuelle s’inspire de ce qui se fait dans les cas de PPE professionnelle (piqûres d’aiguilles) et de prévention de la transmission mère-enfant. Les résultats obtenus après traitement dans ces deux derniers cas suggèrent un bénéfice potentiel, mais il n’y a aucune garantie de succès. La prévention demeure votre meilleure protection contre la transmission du VIH / sida.

Vous avez potentiellement été exposé au VIH… Que devez-vous faire ?

• Consultez un médecin qui est bien au fait de la prophylaxie post-exposition (PPE) ;
• Souvenez-vous que le temps joue un rôle crucial dans la PPE : le plus tôt vous consultez, le mieux ce sera pour vous. Plus le traitement est amorcé rapidement, meilleures sont les chances de succès. La plupart des médecins s’entendent pour dire que 72 heures après le contact sexuel à risque, les bénéfices d’un traitement sont probablement nuls. Le mieux est de consulter immédiatement après l’incident, ou dans les 24 heures ;
• Le médecin évaluera le niveau de risque, de même que votre aptitude à bien prendre et à tolérer les traitement. Dans les cas où la sitation le justifie, le médecin vous suggérera de prendre une trithérapie. La décision de la prendre ou pas demeure entièrement vôtre. Le médecin vous aidera à prendre la meilleure décision ;
• Le traitement dure quatre semaines. Comme indiqué plus tôt, il ne s’agit pas de la « pilule du lendemain » ;
• Un suivi rigoureux est primordial pendant et après le traitement, afin de bien gérer les effets secondaires de la trithérapie ;
• Un test de détection des anticorps du VIH sera fait le jour de la consultation, de même qu’un mois et trois mois après le contact à risque. Ceci a pour but d’établir votre statut sérologique au début et à la fin du traitement, de même qu’une fois passée la période fenêtre de trois mois ;
• Idéalement, plus vous en savez sur votre partenaire (historique médicamenteux, résultats de laboratoire, échecs antérieurs au traitement antiorétroviral), mieux votre médecin pourra vous confectionner un traitement post-exposition sur mesure, afin de limiter les risques de transmission du VIH.

Que nous réserve l’avenir ?

Présentement, il y a une vingtaine de nouveaux médicaments anti-VIH en cours d’évaluation, qui ont de bonnes chances d’être mis en marché dans les deux prochaines années. Plusieurs de ces traitements comportent des avantages importants par rapport aux médicaments existants : posologie simplifiée, moins de toxicité et profil de résistance plus favorable. Il y a également d’autres médicaments à l’étude qui s’attaquent à de nouvelles cibles du virus, ainsi que des recherches qui se poursuivent en vue de dépister le virus là où il se cache, d’enseigner l’autodéfense aux cellules et de renforcir le système immunitaire.

Pour quand un vaccin contre le VIH / sida ?

Il faudra encore plusieurs années et beaucoup de recherches avant de trouver un vaccin qui protègera contre le VIH, à cause de la capacité du virus de se modifier. Mais les progrès étonnants réalisés au cours des dernières années dans le traitement de la maladie nous procurent un certain optimisme. Une quantité impressionnante de ressources sont consacrées à la recherche d’un vaccin efficace. Il est donc très possible que l’on connaisse une percée tout aussi intéressante que celle que l’on a vécue en 1997 avec l’arrivée des nouveaux traitements très puissants qui ont permis de transformer cette infection mortelle en une infection chronique !

Pour plus d’information, vous pouvez communiquer avec :

• Ligne d’écoute et d’information sur les ITS : (514) 855-8995
• Santé Canada
• Santé publique de Montréal
• www.thebody.com

Texte écrit par Dr. Harold Dion

Source: site de la clinqiue l’Actuel – www.cliniquelactuel.com

The bris for the grandson of Mr. & Mrs. Shimshon Tiefenbrunn which was reported earlier is now scheduled to take place on Wednesday Sept. 16th at 6PM in Merkaz  Hasimcha hall, corner of Bay Ave & E. 19th. May they have much nachass.

BRIS-föreläsning idag, från 9 till 16. Fast det var rätt intressant, vi pratade om samtal med barn & ungdomar, så det gick smärtfritt fram. Har nyss varit iväg till byn och handlat, och nu ska jag se på tv & äta upp mina praliner som jag köpte på vägen hem.

Tunika från Vero Moda, jeggings från BikBok & ballerinas från H&M