LA Times Blog gives a full list of who attended the wrap party at SL (Simyone Lounge) in New York.

From theHills were: Kristin Cavallari, Audrina Patrdige, Brody Jenner, and Lo Bosworth.

From theCity were: Whitney Port, Roxy Olin, and Samantha Swetra. (The LA Times Blog also reports that Erin Lucas was there. But Perhaps there was a mix up because there are no photos seen of her).

Also in attendance were MTV exec Tony Disanto and club ownersMark Birnbaum and Eugene Remm.

No Spencer and Heidi Pratt though! Wonder why they skipped out.

Backstage at the finales this week, Kristin cursed Brody and Jayde’s relationship. She says it’s one of those relationships that are up and down and are meant to last. Do you agree with her?

Brody also spilled on whether he’s a girlfriend kinda guy, whether that’s Jayde, Cora, Olivia, Brittany, or Kelly’s boyfriend.  Clip above.

 

Yet another season of The Hills has drawn to a close and yet the earth still rotates on its axis and the sun still hangs in the sky. Like every Hills episode, the finale was jam-packed with shocking revelations, reversals of fortune and edge of your seat drama. 

I’m just kidding ya’ll! Nothing happened! But I’ve written a recap anyway. Please to enjoy: 

Brody and Jayde: 

Over the course of this season Brody and his on-again/ off-again paramour, Jayde, have endured a series of meaningless fights. I say meaningless because their conflicts are wholly manufactured for the cameras. This is nothing new for The Hills –Spencer and Heidi have turned the fake fight into an art form. The difference with this fake couple, however, is that these fake fights generate palpable discord between Brody and Jayde. Brody, whose emotional range resembles that of a Ken doll, nonetheless appears genuinely annoyed with Jayde whenever he is around her. He seems to loathe her (I too find her asymmetrical eyes vaguely disquieting). So I was not surprised when he decided to end their relationship for good during the finale. 

But what surprised me — and it takes a lot for The Hills to surprise me — is that Brody provided the voice of reason in this episode. Witness this conversation between Brody and Jayde at a friend’s engagement party: 

Jayde: It’s weird how they’ve been together for like 2 months and they’re engaged and we’ve been together for a year and a half and we’re not even living together. 

Brody: Yeah well we’re…smart. 

Zing! Now back to the stripper pole for you, dear Jayde. 

I contracted a VD just by downloading this photo.

Lo is an Accessory 

I’m not sure why Lo is still on The Hills. Lo is Lauren Conrad’s friend, her sidekick, her accessory. Seeing her in these episodes is equivalent to having one of Lauren’s handbags enjoying a latte with Audrina. It’s unnatural. And really unfair to the handbag, who is probably very bored hanging out with Audrina. 

Lo, the ballast.

And am I supposed to believe that Lo and Audrina are now BFFs? These two women hated each other last season. And yet here they are in the finale, shopping together at Catherine Malandrino. But Lo is a “monologue catcher” par excellence and the show needs her to balance the lunacy of the other characters. For example, during their shopping trip  Audrina tells Lo about her ludicrous plan to meet with Justin “one last time.” Lo is skeptical — because we’ve already seen this episode, right? — and asks, “But what if you get into the same situation, where he’s in control of the situation?” Great question Lo! Why does Audrina keep returning to Justin for further ego bruising? But Audrina won’t listen and Lo sighs and looks in the mirror — she really would look cute in that mini dress. Time for lattes! 

Audrina Still Thinks The Hills is Real 

Audrina is the one person in America who still believes that the events transpiring in the world of The Hills are real. This did not become fully clear until this season when her earnest reactions to the “drama” unfolding around her stood in stark contrast to the detached, almost robotic actions of her jaded castmates. Audrina is a real life example of The Truman Show. Even Enzo knows The Hills isn’t real and he’s only 6. 

Enzo has to dumb down the conversation so Heidi can understand him.

When Audrina headed to the pier (so dramatic!) to talk to Justin “one last time,” she was genuinely hurt by his nonchalance. He tells her “Maybe you just weren’t the one” but what he should have said was “Audrina, our relationship was last season’s storyline. This season I’m supposed to date Kristin. Didn’t you read the script?” 

No, Justin, Audrina did not read the script. As her big brown eyes fill with tears it is painfully clear that Audrina believes the world she is living in is real. Poor doe-eyed Audrina. 

The couple in happier times...

Speidi is Not Procreating 

Spencer and Heidi function on a different plane from their Hills cast mates. They are the undisputed king and queen of faux reality and they rule their domain with an iron fist. I love, for example, how Heidi runs errands in outfits and make up suitable only for a rock video or walking the corner (a high-class corner). It’s just the grocery store, Heidi, chill out. Take off the stilettos. 

One of ,y favorite staged Speidi photos.

During the finale it is revealed that (BIG SPOILER HERE) Heidi is not pregnant. Of course, as with all Speidi-generated plotlines, the interest lies not in the “what” but the “how.” And this ridiculous plotline yielded some great lines from Spencer: 

On Heidi’s attempts to get pregnant behind his back: ”I feel like it’s a sperm kidnapping — straight hijacking sperm.” 

Explaining to the urologist why he wants a vasectomy: “I heard it’s kind of like a faucet where I can turn it off and then turn it back on again if I ever need to. So I’m coming here to turn it off.” 

As the urologist shows him pictures of how a vasectomy is performed: “Oh so you do go punch into the nuts?” 

Brilliant. 

 I Still Miss Lauren 

 Hills finales usually end by providing the viewer with some modicum of “closure” for each of the main cast members’ story arcs and the final scene must always, always go to the heroine. So this season’s finale ends with Kristin deciding that yes, she will date Justin Bobby, despite the fact that he has trouble stringing more than two words together. As the camera tracks backwards from Kristin’s picturesque beach house balcony we see Justin drape his (ugh, dirty!) motorcycle jacket over Kristin’s dainty shoulders. 

That's Audrina's helmet, you bitch!

This image should have filled me with joie de vivre but  all I could think was: where’s Lauren? How does her story arc end? Then I remembered that Lauren was gone. She’s been gone all season. And I began to weep. I feel like the protagonist of Memento who keeps forgetting that his wife is dead and then has to relive the pain of her death over and over. Okay, that may be a bit dramatic but you get the picture. 

I miss you Lauren Conrad. And I shall avenge you.

Celebrity Gossip

TheHills cast and TheCity cast celebrated the end of their seasons in New York City December 1st. TheHills cast were spotted going to SL Nightclub – unsure of where theCity girls headed off too. They now have the fact that there will be a next season for both shows to celebrate!

Everyone looks amazing. Love Audrina’s jumpsuit and Lo’s green dress. But I think it’s a little too cold for Whitney to be in shorts in November, no?

“The Hills”: Season 5: Part 2: Episode 10: “The Boys of Summer”

It’s finally happened, Season 5 has ended. After part one of Season 5 we said goodbye to Lauren, and now Kristen’s first mini season as the reigning Queen of theHills has come to a close.

We end the second part of this season where it began, at Kristin’s house in Malibu. Stacie and Kristin are in the beginning stages of packing up the house/not doing anything when Stacie suggests Justin should be helping. With only a little hesitation, Kristin breaks the news that she’s ending things with Justin. “Vacation is never the way it’s really going to be.” So, even though he went to Vegas for her, Kristin is kicking him to the curb. Why? Because she thinks she’ll get hurt, and she probably will with his track record. While she wants to avoid heartbreak, Justin’s mysterious ways are still drawing her in.

Speidi Update: Spencer and Brody actually hang out one on one! Whoa, that’s the first time all season, right? Of course, it wouldn’t be a scene with Spencer without some baby talk. He’s already blabbing to Brody about Heidi hijacking his sperm. That was a mental image none of us ever needed, seriously. Not only is Spencer freaking out, he says Brody is going to end up just like him: living with Jayde, engaged and being pressured to have babies. But Brody says he won’t have any of that.

Finding time to do a little shopping Audrina and Lo gossip about Justin. It seems like every conversation Audrina starts begins with Justin! And even after last week’s devastating dinner she still wants to see him! Will it ever end? We don’t think so, but let’s hope the producers will put us out of our misery. Lo says he’ll control the conversation, but looking hot will help the situation a little (or a lot).

Meanwhile, Justin, the man of the season, is lounging on the beach with Kristin reminiscing about her time in Malibu. Then out of nowhere Justin says “If you ever have trouble finding a place, you can always come see my place.” WHAT! If you had to rewind the TiVo to rehear that, you’re not alone. But like Kristin told Stacie, vacation is never the same as the real world. Don’t change the channel now because Justin isn’t taking no for an answer. He pleads his case of becoming a good boy, leaving Kristin to figure out what she wants.

Heidi’s extensions and middle part look horrible, her face is orange, and her eyebrows are too dark. Now that we’ve brought that to your attention, we’ll go back to the ever-annoying baby topic. It’s surprising to see Spencer hanging out with little Enzo playing video games, but he actually seemed to be enjoying himself. Then Spencer brings innocent Enzo in on his scheme to ask Heidi about being pregnant by asking him if he’s going to have kids when he grows up. Randomly, Spencer asks if Heidi’s made a trip to the pharmacy. After the two go back and forth for a minute, Heidi just leaves the room.

Sleazy T, Taylor, is getting married. And what accompanies the announcement of a marriage? An engagement party. The toasts for Taylor and Abbey weren’t even over before Jayde starts talking about getting serious with Brody. Taylor’s fiance isn’t helping Brody out when she says “hopefully you guys will be next.” While the girls talk about marriage, Taylor talks to Brody about Kristin. He seems a little upset that he ended things with her to get back with Jayde. Everyone just needs to take a step back because Brody is not ready for marriage any time soon.

Jayde puts the pressure on Brody and decides to have the commitment convo right there at the engagement party. Like we said, Brody isn’t having any of it. She may want to push for commitment, but Jayde really doesn’t help her argument as she gets an attitude with him. And Brody reminds her that Taylor’s engagement party probably isn’t the best place for this conversation. Oh the stresses of love.

Back in Malibu, Kristin tells Stacie she officially ended things with Justin. She proceeds to give the cliche sob story of a girl from a split home, whose afraid any guy she gets close to will hurt her. Kristin even says she hasn’t had a boyfriend for two years. We can understand not wanting to get hurt and so can Stacie. She acts as an advisor for Kristin telling her “trust just takes time. When it’s a good person it’ll work.”

Speaking of getting hurt by men, Audrina goes to meet Justin “one last time.” The two seem like strangers as she says she doesn’t want to fight (sounds like Jayde at dinner with Kristin). After he didn’t attempt to spare her feelings at their meeting on last week’s episode, we didn’t think she’d ever want to talk to him again. Though, it looks like Audrina is determined to get the last word in this relationship. “You’re selfish, you’re self-centered. You put me through hurt.” But Justin is sticking to his story that they weren’t ever really together. Audrina responds, “You’re going to be incapable of loving someone. Hope you do fall in love some day because maybe then you’ll actually feel something.” She’s said a lot of things to him over the years, but this is one of our favorite comments as well as a very true statement.

At Spencer and Heidi’s house, the baby talk finally comes to a sort of conclusion. He confesses he found the pregnancy test in the trash. And while Heidi was hoping her sexy lingerie and home-cooked dinner would lead to a baby, it didn’t turn out that way. After months of refusing even the possibility of having kids, Spencer gave into Heidi. His rationale on having a baby is that he thought he’d never get married, so why not have kids? So, it’s official, when they’re both ready they’ll have a baby. It’s nice that a husband is giving his wife this wonderful news, but it’s scary that it’s Spencer who wants to have kids.

Brody has the boys over, Taylor and Frankie, to let them know he’s going to break up with Jayde. The guys are without a doubt happy about his decision, and welcome him to “the good life.” Now that he’s single, the guys try to list out his line of girlfriends before Jayde but can’t even remember them all. Craziest of all, Brody says he may still have feelings for Kristin.

The entire finale, if not the entire half season, led up to the final scene. Prince Charming Justin rides in on his white horse motorcycle to talk to Kristin about their relationship, and hopes to sweep her off her feet. Her house is almost packed now and she seems ready to move on. Justin digs deep and finds words to express his feelings for Kristin. “I can’t, for some reason, let this go. My big issue is obviously commitment, I know to run. Audrina told me I was going to end up a lonely old man if I didn’t go after what I believe in, and I believe in this.”

Kristin let’s him know she can’t ignore their spark either, but she’s still worried about trusting him. All things aside, she’s ready to give their relationship a real shot! We are in shock! Are you? The sweet couple kiss then Kristin asks, “So what, are you my boyfriend now?” In true Justin form, he shakes off the question and kisses her again. With this type of response we’re sure next season will be full of Kristin and Justin drama, again.

As usual, there is too much drama packed into the short hills episode.

photo courtesy of mtv.com

The Spencer, Heidi, pregnancy drama continues. For the majority of the episode Spencer beats around the bush, trying to trick Heidi into telling him whether or not she’s pregnant. At the end of the episode he finally grows up and asks her point-blank. She said she was hoping she was, but she isn’t. Apparently, when Spencer says he 100 percent will not do something, it means nothing. He said he would 100 percent not get married and now he is. He said he would 100 percent sure he wouldn’t have kids, now he tells Heidi that when the time is right for both of them, they’ll have kids.

photo courtesy of mtv.com

Another couple that is ready to commit is Justin Bobby and Kristin. First Kristin ends it with him because she’s scared of getting hurt. She actually gets a little deep in realizing that the reason she is so reluctant to commit is because her parents are divorced and she doesn’t want her kids to go through that. Who said anything about marriage and kids? With Justin Bobby? C’mon, get real.

photo courtesy of mtv.com

Audrina said in last week’s episode that she was completely done with Justin and she would never speak of him again. We’ve heard that before Audrina, no one believes you. So, in this episode, Audrina meets with Justin. She tells him he’s selfish, self-centered and incapable of love. She tells him she hopes that he does fall in love someday because then he might actually feels something.

Something Audrina said stuck in Justin because he shows up at Kristin’s house, announcing that he can’t let her go. Kristin says she’s willing to give it a shot if they both give it 100 percent. So, they give it a shot.

photo courtesy of mtv.com

A couple that is not ready to commit is Brody and Jayde. Well actually, only half of the couple isn’t ready to commit. Jayde and Brody attend his friend Taylor’s engagement party. It is here that Jayde decides it’s time for them to move in together. Brody is so not for this. He says he is 100 percent not ready to get married and there is no way that would ever happen in his 20’s. When Brody says 100 percent does he really mean it, or is it Spencer’s version of 100 percent? I think with Jayde it’s really 100 percent forever. Brody tells Frankie and Taylor that he is done with her and thinks he may still have feelings for Kristin. Great timing now that Kristin is back with Justin. But seriously, how long do we expect that to last? Now all Brody has to do is tell Jayde he’s done.

Watch The Full Episode Here

So there it was: the season finale of The Hills.

You’d think MTV would give Kristin a little more time to pack up her things and get out of the house they rented for her, but no; they pushed her out on the last day of filming. Where will she go? I mean, I know Justin offered her to “check out my spot” (which, in my Justin Bobby dictionary, translates to “crash with me”), but I imagine that isn’t up to her lavish, beachfront living standards.

I don’t know about you, but I think there’s a reason The Hills has never shot at Justin Bobby’s house. I’m picturing a dark, musty basement studio with leather and hair product everywhere. And a shower that’s never been used.

But if Kristin didn’t go there, what other options does she have? She can’t go back to her dad/yoga-stepmom’s house in Laguna – MTV was clearly paying for that one, too. And they probably packed up their protein shakes months ago. The only other person she’s got to turn to is Stacie and I’m pretty sure she lives in the backroom of that nasty bar she used to work at.

I guess Kristin better hope and pray that the ratings of this show didn’t drop low enough to end it. Homegirl needs an MTV house or she’ll be shacking up at casa de Brody and Jayde.

Cuz you know those two are bunking up somewhere in L.A. I know MTV spent 6 whole minutes (which is like half of the show, really) making us all believe that Brody was finally done with her, but everyone with an US Weekly subscription (or a few minutes in the checkout lane at CVS) knows those two losers are still doin’ it. And that’s fine… if Jayde is a phenomenal actress and really isn’t as annoying in real life as she is on the show. Maybe she’s actually intelligent; she doesn’t drag out all her words and turn 1 syllable-words into 2 (“Whyyyyyya?”); that 99% of the conversations she has with Brody aren’t juvenile and full of fighting words (“I mean you were the one that was the jerk. I’ve forgiven you so you should be happy that I’m even talking to you about this right now.”).

Maybe she isn’t totally pathetic.

But she probably is. Much like her co-star Audrina. And, just so you know, I thought she was pathetic long before she wore that weird hat on that shopping trip with Lo. Audrina has always been a sad, pathetic little puppy and she took it even further last night when she went to visit Justin for “the last time.” Sure, she told Lo (and maybe even herself) that she just wanted to end things, but, really, weren’t things already ended? Putting on that hot outfit and meeting up at a romantic waterfront location made it obvious to anyone who’s ever sunk pretty low for a guy who treats them like crap (read: me) that she was hoping looking good/saying the right things would bring him back.

But her plan failed. They fought once again, Audrina’s perfect hair got ruined by the wind and Justin vroom-vroomed back into Kristin’s arms. He even let her wear his jacket! (Thank god he was wearing something underneath it this time.) As the sun was setting over Malibu, I imagine Justin Bobby was whispering nonsense/poetry into Kristin’s ear. How romantic…

And that was the end. Not sure what’s comin’ next, or if anything is coming next. We’ll just have to wait. In the meantime, though, we can catch up on our reading. I hear Speidi have a thrilling new book out.

Oh yeah. Speaking of which – Spencer wants to have a baby.
FML.

Tonight, on the season finale of theHills, Kristin decides she doesn’t want a relationship with Justin, but he won’t let her go without a fight.  Audrina finally frees herself from Justin for good (we’re not buying what she’s selling though).  Brody gets cold feet when Jayde wants to move in with him (we thought they already shacked up), and Spencer sweats the possibility that Heidi might be pregnant.

Tonight, on the season finale of theCity, we’ve already shown you that Erin ridicules Olivia for her lackluster work, and in this clip, Erin says Joe has to choose Olivia or Erin.  Oh snap!  Olivia couldn’t care less and says she’s sick of having this BS conversation for the 16th time.  For someone who has made a lot of mistakes, she has the audacity and a set of testicles to be so condescending to everyone.

TheHills season finale airs tonight at 10pm followed by TheCity’s at 10:30pm.

Side note, one can only hope that these episodes are really the end of the seasons.  No more part 2 and 3’s!

Gossip Center

It was Lauren Conrad who famously said Brody Jenner loves his ladies.  But Lauren didn’t mean that Brody loved one lady.  No one saw Brody settling down so hard so fast.  But settled down he is.

Upon returning home to LA he tweeted to Jayde: “I will be home in 6 hours to give you that massage.. Love you!”

As any Hollywood couple does when rumors of a breakup swirl, they go out on a date to one of the most photographed restaurants in all of LA.  Brody and Jayde paraded their love last night at Mr. Chow, Saturday November 28.

Brody was surrounded by ladies as he brought his mother Linda Thompson along while Jayde brought her mother along.  Jayde and her mother wore matching purple outfits, not to be out “matched” by Brody and Linda who both wore black.

This week on The Aftershow, Stacie called in for her first non Hills TV appearance ever. Dan and Jessi were excited to bust her TV cherry.

They talked about Stacie assuming the awful role of third wheel on a trip that was supposed to be a “girls trip”. She ended up out of place in a Vegas hotel between Justin and Kristin. But, if you think about it, it’s really not that weird of a role for her considering the fact that she’s totally random and out of place on theHills in every episode.

Stacie wasn’t mad that Kristin invited Justin because MTV told her to because Stacie thinks “Justin is great”. If we didn’t have a glimmer of hope that Stacie wasn’t as silly as some of her counterparts, we’d say Stacie has a thing for Justin. She said she’d take Justin over Brody, and continuously raved over how “hot” he is.

Stacie also said she tries to bartender at The Dime as often as she can, but now that she’s a big star going to Vegas and filming you know, there’s no time. She seems to have the “work when I want” schedule that all the greats before her like Lauren, Whitney, Audrina and Heidi have had.

Finally, Stacie discussed being 1/2 of the first Hills girl on girl kiss ever. Dan and Jessi asked the big question: is Kristin a good kisser? Tune in for the answer.

Korbi Tv recently interviewed both Stephanie Pratt and Jayde Nicole on the drama that’s going on in theHills.

Stephanie revealed that she is not on the 4 last episodes of theHills because she is out of town and doesn’t know what happens/wants to be surprised. She also comments on the fact that Heidi tries to trick Spencer into having a baby. Stephanie says “I would definitely be around to babysit if they needed me too.”

Other interesting comments from Stephanie: she has not yet read Heidi and Spencer’s book and she is also trying to keep her DUI drama off the show for next season.

Next, Jayde is interviewed and is asked if it is hard to watch the fights that her and Brody Jenner get into. She replies yes with a giggle and also says that it’s hard to watch conversations between Brody and Kristin Cavallari (Brody’s ex) and things people say behind her back.

Jayde also confirmed that she and Brody are “still together and very happy”.

OK! Magazine

We know that Lauren hasn’t been watching theHills, but what about the rest of the current cast? Well, Shrine restaurant and club at the MGM Grand at Foxwoods had a dinner invitation rejected by Jayde herself. Why? Because she wanted to stay in and watch theHills. Not only was she content staying in to watch the show, she had a great time doing it.

“She was laughing hysterically at it and saying that they cut it to make her look like a total bitch,” a source tells OK!.

The source also says that Jayde and Brody weren’t on good terms. Apparently, she had put him on “probation.”

“She said that Brody is on probation,” the source added. “He was texting and calling her the whole night, but she only replied once to say, ‘You’re on probation’.”

But Brody wasn’t the only one in the doghouse. Jayde made some not so nice comments about Paris‘ boy toy:

“Later she said that Doug was a really good guy, but that he’d turned into a horrible human being since he started dating Paris.”

Maybe Jayde is the little witch producers make her out to be, or maybe not, we’re still on the fence. We’d love to know why Brody was on probation; perhaps, he had another faux date with Kristin.

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Hollyscoop

This weekend Brody and Jayde partied it up Vegas style, not to be outdone by Kristin and Stacie. The “on again” couple partied with Holly Madison and playmate Laura Croft at hotspot XS. They appeared to be happy and very much together while having a good time. The pair may have partied like they’re a couple, but sources say they left the club separately. So, in case you’re still skeptical, Jayde clarified their relationship for us just last week, saying “yes, we’re still together.”

Kristin reveals that she met Brody at Mood Nightclub and accepted his invitation to go back to his place with some friends that same night.

Brody elaborated on the story revealing that on the way out the club, Kristin got involved in a knock down drag out fight with a girl. There was hair pulling and all.

J-14 interviewed Stephanie to get the latest Hills dish before the show’s season finale in a couple weeks.  She seems okay with Kristin despite the fact that Steph claims she has multiple sides to her, but Brody on the other hand is a different story.  They’re still not cool.  Stephanie also added a little Twilight spill for you Twihearts, and reveals her celebrity crush.

J-14: Has it been weird for you to not have Lauren Conrad there?
Stephanie Pratt: It’s really lame.  Audrina [Patridge], Lo [Bosworth], and I all miss her the same amount. We all talk about it when we go to beach houses in Malibu and parties. We were all really good friends — she’s Lo’s best friend is gone — so it’s sad. We still hang out — we have each other on BBM.

J-14: How have you adjusted to Kristin Cavallari being there?
Stephanie: I’ve seen two different sides of her. It’s really hard trusting someone who you don’t know. I’m a sensitive person in general — even seeing strangers upset makes me sad! I’m trying to work on not being affected by everything that goes on. Everyone’s [been] trying to give Kristin a chance, and we’re all having a lot of fun hanging out in Malibu. You try to make new friends and keep the old ones, but right now the dynamic on the show is that people are having to make a choice, so there’s a lot of tension.

J-14: Is it weird to have Kristin and Brody Jenner filming together again?
Stephanie: It’s not really. I’ve known Brody forever. He was best friends with my brother when him and Kristin started dating five years ago — that was so long ago! They really just seem like friends. She was the first girlfriend that Brody was settled with — they were in a committed relationship. Brody and I don’t really get along. I like to stay clear of him. I completely took Audrina’s side with the whole Hawaii thing.

J-14: How do you feel knowing that some of the things happening in your real life aren’t shown on TV?
Stephanie: The only thing that bothers me is that no ones ever seen the other side of [my brother] Spencer. But no, we’ve never, ever seen a script! It’s always fun to watch other reality shows and be like, ‘I don’t believe that’s how any of them are,’ but for us pretty much everything is what it is, just edited down.

J-14: Are you Team Jacob or Team Edward?
Stephanie: Edward! I was reading Twilght shouting out loud, ‘I hate you Jacob!’ I was so mad at him! On my BBM, my status would be, ‘Jacob leave her alone!’

J-14: Do you have a celeb crush?
Stephanie: Ryan Gosling!

This week on theHills, Jayde and Kristin fought over Brody, and Brody ran back into Jayde’s arms.  Meanwhile, Kristin was faced with the decision of whether or not she should return to Justin’s arms when Justin informed her that he ended everything with Audrina.  If nothing else, Kristin got satisfaction from that situation since she was defeated in Brody-Jayde scenario.  Speidi argued about Spencer’s quest for a vasectomy; Heidi planned to seduce and trick Spencer into a baby.

This week on theCity, Whitney and Roxy dated jerks.  Whitney’s date asked Whitney to split their dinner bill after their date gone wrong.  He looked like he was a kid and had no interest in the opposite sex anyway.  Roxy’s date brought a handful of other women with him to meet up with Roxy and her girls.  Naturally, that didn’t go over well.  Kelly Cutrone did her traditional scolding of her employees at the end of the episode when she went off on Whit and Rox for talking about boys at work and informed Whitney she needs to get going on her clothing line.

Perhaps Paris Hilton took the whole Brody Jenner Bromance thing a little too seriously. Either that or she’s a total control freak if the following is true.

Reports say Paris Hilton is stopping Doug Reinhardt from seeing his friends, including his former Hills co-star Brody Jenner.

Doug hasn’t seen Brody since he reconciled with Paris in August and “insists their friendship is now over”. Brody told Closer Magazine:

“We used to be best friends, now I never see him. Some people are so involved in relationships they lose their other friends. Partners come and go your friends are there for you always. I’m done. Paris has taken him away.”

Whitney is a healthy eater. [X17]

Brody & Jayde spotted leaving Nobu restaurant.  [X17]

Spencer & Heidi’s Today Show promotional interview with Al Roker was cancelled Monday.  [NYDN]

“The Hills”: Season 5: Part 2: Episode 8: “Can’t Always Get What You Want”

This week on theHills we saw the boy drama, girl fights and baby obsessions continue.  After last week’s awkward dinner with Justin and Audrina and the fight at Playhouse with Brody, Kristin and Jayde we knew it’d be a week of gossip.

Jumping right back into last week’s drama, Kristin and Brody get lunch. The conversation quickly turns from harmless flirting to an interrogation from Kristin. She says Jayde wants to sit down to talk, Brody quickly disses the idea. Then the questions begin and she wants to know when and how often Brody has talked to Jayde. He confesses that he talks to her a few times, and Kristin gets a little peeved. Even though she seems mad, she says she just wants him to be happy and “make a decision based on his happiness.” What a good friend…

Speidi Update: Heidi returns to her therapist to find confirmation that tricking Spencer into having a baby is a good idea. The shrink looks at Heidi likes she’s a nut. Duh. Tricking your husband into having kids is not a good idea, Heidi. At this point, we think Heidi is a lost cause.

Meanwhile, Brody, Frankie and their friend Taylor hit the pool hall for some boy time. Taylor is anxious to tell Frankie about the fight from last week, but Brody quickly shuts that conversation down. More importantly, it’s a surprise to Frankie that Brody and Kristin are “dating” again. Hmm, wonder why? Then, their new-to-the-scene, friend Taylor begins to rant about how Brody is so much more fun with Kristin compared to Jayde. He is obviously on Team Kristin. Brody just wants everyone to mind their own business. Bottom line: Kristin and Jayde were about to come face to face over drinks.

Jayde was waiting for Kristin at Citizen Smith, and began her speech as soon as Kristin could get a drink order in. She began by saying, “I don’t want to be here, you don’t want to be here.” We could have written a better start to this speech, but it’ll do.

Immediately, Kristin brings up the fight at Playhouse. She accuses Jayde of being the instigator, but we’re not so sure she’s really to blame for the fight. As they continue to bitch bicker, it looks like the girls will never agree on anything. Kristin thinks because she and Brody have been friends for so long that she knows what makes him happy. On the other side we have his real girlfriend, Jayde, arguing that just because Kristin has been back in town for a month she doesn’t know what makes him happy. We all knew this fight couldn’t end without some mention of the infamous Justin, and Jayde doesn’t let us down. She asks Kristin why she can’t find someone in LA besides Brody or Justin. We don’t think that really matters, and neither did Kristin.

Then a miracle happened. The girls agreed on something: they both dislike Audrina. Just as you think things are looking up, Jayde tells Kristin to go back where she came from. Kristin chooses her last words carefully : you’re a bitch, you really are.” Then she makes a dramatic exit.

Lo makes her short appearance in this episode, having lunch with Kristin. The girls obviously talked about Kristin’s dinner with Jayde. She’s certain Brody and Jayde wont get back together, Lo is a little more skeptical . In another LA lunch spot, Heidi and Audrina talk about Heidi’s plan to quit the pill. No big deal. With a candlelit dinner and a cute outfit, she thinks she’ll be able to trick Spencer into making a baby.

Jayde and Brody, the lost lovebirds, get drinks and talk about the drinks she had with Kristin. It’s no wonder they need a drink with all this drama. Jayde says Kristin was “crazy.” And once again Brody reminds us they’re on a break. Jayde simply tells him to “shut up and listen for once in his life.” She lets us all know she’s nice unless he’s fighting with her and that she misses him. The conclusion to her speech: she thinks they should get back together. Brody was all smiles.

Now that he’s gotten back together with Jayde he’s got to tell Kristin the news. She arrived to dinner looking hot, Brody was looking like he didn’t care. He says he cares about Jayde a lot, and that he loves her. What one would imagine to be a typical “I’m getting back together with my girlfriend speech.” He thinks that if the friendship with Kristin continues it will intervene in their relationship. Kristin can’t believe what she’s hearing. She honestly doesn’t think Brody is happy. She’s sticking with her instinct that Brody could be with a much better girl.

Heidi’s plan to trick Spencer into having a baby is in full motion when he arrives home to a hot dinner and a scantily dressed wife. He is in shock that Heidi cooked dinner, much less that she cooks at all.She then proceeds to say grace: “Heavenly father thank you for my husband who I love so much, thank you for this meal, thank you for my outfit, thank you for everything you’ve done”. That’s right, “thank you for my outfit.”

After the shock of a home cooked dinner has set in, Spencer starts kissing up to Heidi. She’s giving him the impression she’s moved on from his secret trip to the doctor, and says she’s taking off the pressure and they’re “even.” Spencer optimistically asks what’s for dessert as a mischievous smile becomes plastered on Heidi’s face. If he only knew what she really had cooking for dessert he wouldn’t be so happy.

After a hard week, Kristin spends some time venting with Stacie. Even though it was a rough week, she’s proud she told Jayde shes a bitch. On top of all that drama, Justin called her and left a ridiculously pathetic message. The girls laugh that he sounds like he’s crying, but Stacie decides it was nice.

So, how do you make a bad week better? Go to Vegas. And that’s just what Kristin and Stacie did.

I am all for buying sports memorabilia, and team shirts/hats/shorts and the likes. It’s a great way to support your team and show your spirit to others…but as great as all that may be, there is something very dark that has happened with sports wares. People have now taken the once innocent hat and tried to bastardize it into something so ignorant and childish that it has made me hate every single person between the age of 15 and 22.

What is worse than someone wearing their hat cocked to the side with the stickers still on it? Only one thing: terrorism. I was recently at a college basketball game and noticed a trend that I have been aware of, but never knew it had gotten this bad. Sports hats worn with a flat brim and cocked to one side. It has afflicted even the gangliest looking, computer science studying fellow. Do these kids not realize just how childish and ridiculous they look? I was raised to wear hats correctly, and in the correct team colors. Have you seen the hats that look more neon than a strip club at night? Terrible and embarrassing. Do they think they are being “ironic?” If my child was caught wearing a neon yellow Orioles hat, I would walk him to the fireplace and let him do the honors.

This is why I mostly blame the parents. In my opinion kids (up to 22) should be placed in foster care if they are found wearing their hat like that. Reason being, it shows a complete lack of care and upbringing from their family. These kids could use the stern hand from a father and the disgusted look from a mother to get them through that ridiculous phase.

Where do guys get the idea to wear their hat like that? It’s certainly not from people that respect themselves and have a full time job. What makes me sad is that these kids are getting a college education. In a brief conversation with JAS’ Pat Cary, we both agreed that it would benefit this great nation if we offered a course at the college level called “Growing Up to be a Productive and Respectable Person” (LFE 150) which would be required to all students whose families had failed them. While the first day of class would probably be about dropping facebook and twitter, day two would certainly be about how to properly wear your clothes and remove tags.

Maybe I should place more blame on girls. It seems that females are losing respect for themselves at an alarming rate. How can I tell? Well, look at the amount of guys who wear their hats cock-eyed that have girlfriends. It’s impossible and implausible to imagine that they find this attractive but somehow it must be true. My assumption is that girls that date cock-eyed hat wearers have below a 2.3 cumulative GPA and only get motivated by drinking and facebook status updates.

Of course I have only been referencing college kids, but there is something very sick inside me that says that older people are doing this as well. If you happen to be one of these miserable people, do me a favor and look in the mirror and ask yourself if it’s ok that you look like a child who has no idea how to dress himself. If you’re ok with it, then I am ok with it. It will be comforting to know that we will never compete for the same jobs.

~ Gordon Southard, JAS Life Coach

I’ll be honest: sometimes it’s hard to find stuff to write about from The Hills. Something new, at least. And last night’s episodes was one of the most difficult yet, due to the fact that every conversation had was just a recap of the one in the scene before it.

Take Kristin and Brody, for example. She tells him that Jayde texted her and wants to meet up. Then the next scene is Brody shooting pool and telling Frankie and that other hottie that Jayde texted Kristin and wants to meet up.

MTV expects me to work with that kind of crap?

Anyways, since there wasn’t really much to cover last night I decided to break the episode down into a fun little list. So here 10 notes/thoughts/things from last night’s episode of The Hills.

1. Heidi tells her therapist, “I think [Spencer] wants kids and he doesn’t know it yet,” then reveals her plan to trick him into being a dad. Which might be the scariest thing of all time. I don’t think Spencer wants kids. I don’t think Spencer can handle kids. And I know for sure society can’t handle a mini Speidi. Please stay on your birth control, Heidi. Please

2. Jayde should be in Twilight. Or Lord of the Rings. I’m sure the girl can’t act, but at least that black hair/pasty skin combo would fit in somewhere.

3. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I never understand why all these people meet up at bars and restaurants to have their fights. When Kristin and Jayde met up to pull each other’s hair and call each other names, Kristin ordered a perfectly delicious Gray Goose and soda but called Jayde a “huge bitch” and stormed about before it even arrived. What a waste of good vodka!

4. And now Jayde has to fork over the $12 for that drink? You know that girl is gonna freak out and punch Kristin next time she sees her for sticking her with the bill.

5. Then Kristin gets all dolled up the next night to meet up with Brody and make him want her lady goods – again, over a meal – and what happens? He tells her he’s getting back with dumb Jayde. (Dumb might actually be an understatement.) So now Kristin has to sit there, pretend she’s happy for him and finish her meal. Couldn’t this conversation have been had on the phone so she could hang up, cry, then raid her fridge?

6. Uh, hello Jersey Shore commercial!! I can’t possibly be the only one counting down the minutes until that sh*tshow kicks off on December 3^rd. Unlike this trainwreck, those Jersey Shore kids look 100% real. Trust me; those guys really do spend 25 minutes getting their hair ready. This is like my favorite True Life episode of all time on steroids. OMG I’M GIDDY!

7. If there were an IQ minimum for being on this show, I think Lo Bosworth would be doing a solo act.

8. Speaking of morons, where has Stephanie Pratt been? And Holly? Are they rehabbing it up together?

9. When Kristin and Brody go on their non-date, she tells him she’s “sick of being in the middle of all this.” “This,” of course, is a reference to the Jayde/Brody drama and the Audrina/Justin Bobby drama. Anyone else think maybe it’s time she stopped dating in the inner circle (Read: the paid cast) and maybe met someone who wasn’t sorta attached to someone else? Maybe? Possibly? Anyone?

10. Brody taught me a very important lesson last night: love makes you do stupid things. Or stupid people. With really grating voices. Who drag out the vowels in every single word. And wear Playboy bunny necklaces out to the bar. I agree with Kristin – he can do a lot better. Like me.

Just sayin’.

photo courtesy of mtv.com

Jayde texts Kristin and wants to meet  with her for drinks. Brody’s opinion, “you’re out of your mind, she’s just trying to kill you.” Kristin  meets with Jayde anyway. If you know you’re going to have unpleasant conversation, why in the world would you go out to a restaurant? It makes it more awkward to walk out on. Jayde tells Kristin that she needs to go back to wherever she came from. Kristin responds, “you’re such a bitch Jayde. Like, I have to tell you, you’re such a bitch.” …and then storms out.

Every decides to go to eat in this episode. Heidi and Audrina go out to lunch to talk about Heidi wanting to have kids, Lo and Kristin go out to lunch to talk about Kristin’s fight with Jayde, Brody goes to dinner with Jayde and then dinner with Kristin. Is there nothing else to do?

When Jayde and Brody go out to dinner, they get into a fight, of course. Brody says he’s going to jump off a building if he has to argue with Jayde one more time. The fight ends with Jayde telling Brody that she thinks they should get back together.

photo courtesy of mtv.com

Then Brody goes out to dinner with Kristin. He tells her he still loves Jayde and he wants to work things out with her. Just a few episodes ago, Brody said there was no chance in hell him and Jayde were going to get back together and now they are? Did I miss something?

photo courtesy of mtv.com

Heidi has lost her marbles. She goes to a psychotherapist and that  is exactly where she belongs because she’s gone psycho. She believes that Spencer wants kids, he just doesn’t know it yet. She also seems to genuinely think that there is nothing wrong with her going off the pill without telling Spencer and surprising him with a baby. Are you serious? “I’ll make the call. I always get what I want.” Well Heidi, I’m sure Spencer won’t ever find out since your pronouncing this on national TV and all. Heidi makes dinner for Spencer, trying to set the mood for a romantic night. Spencer looks freaked out and rightfully so. Heidi sounds like a freaky stepford wife.

photo courtesy of mtv.com

Justin leaves a message for Kristin just letting her know that he ended things with Audrina.Then Kristin and Stacie the fake friend decide to jump up and go to Vegas. We see in the previews for next week’s episode that Kristin is hooking up with Justin in Vegas. 3 strikes you’re out? Yeah, right.

Tonight on theHills, Kristin clashes with Jayde when she comes back to reclaim Brody. Heidi hatches a plan to get pregnant with or without Spencer’s consent; Audrina copes with the fact that Justin still has feelings for Kristin. TheHills has foregone love triangles in favor of love hexagons. Perhaps they don’t want to add extra people to the payroll?

Tonight on theCity, Whitney and Roxy go on a series of disastrous dates, ending in a blowup at a night club. When Olivia gets preferential treatment on an ELLE photo shoot, Erin reveals the real reasons she has issues with Olivia.

TheHills airs tonight at 10pm followed by TheCity at 10:30pm.

Laguna Lovers

Brody attended the MTV Staying Alive Foundation Party, November 9, in this all black suit. He put his usual white tennis shoes on time- out, and this time paired a suit with dressier looking shoes.