Complimenting a superior, whether it be a teacher, boss, or parent, has become almost obsolete because of the  brown-nosers.  Ass kissing was, in its early and healthy stages, a legitimate tactic in both the workforce and academic fields.  It was a tool employed by ambitious yes-men and gentlemen alike.

The kissing of corporate or faculty ass has become so transparent and expected that it is not only almost obsolete in many offices and classrooms, but it is shunned, even by those on the receiving end.  Without proper work ethic to prop it up, kissing ass was and is never the respectable way to propel oneself to the top.  The kiss was abused by employees and students looking for a free ride, and like a virus that spreads too quickly, the system essentially shut down.

There is a better way…

If you feel close enough with a superior to compliment them, do so.  Just ask yourself the following two questions:  How are you delivering the message?  And more importantly, How are they receiving it?

I couldn't find a picture of Giuliani in his custom baseball hat - so please enjoy this teddy bear

The New York Yankees baseball club is in the playoffs again this year. We all know what that means: More closeup shots of Rudy Giuliani wearing his custom baseball hat and enjoying really good seats.

The hat he’s sporting isn’t just a hat with the NY Yankees famous logo. It doesn’t honor the memory of 9/11 with a reference to NYPD or NYFD either.

Nay. Verily, it somehow defies all odds and combines all three!

The hat reads: PD *NY* FD

Niiiiiiiice. It’s the triple threat of 9/11 and New York references.

Rumor has it that if you pry this piece of art from his cranium with a crow bar and turn it inside out it forms a diorama of Giuliani standing on a pile of rubble in drag with his current favorite mistress.

In Giuliani’s dictionary GOP must stand for Greatly Offensive Pandering.

Here tushy tushy tushy.

Smooch smooch smooch.

you see them every where and you just want to drop kick them for daring to brown nose in your presence, whether it’s the teacher’s pet in class (all the way up to post grad), or in the office. it’s so sickening than i feel like puking every time i see it happen. why would you want to lick someone’s ass so badly? what do you get out of it…?

ok there’s lots you could get out of it, faster promotion, better salary, better job etc but the problem with brown nosing is that if you do it well enough, the teacher, boss etc, ignores the little things (i.e. the fact that you’re really not doing your job) and you don’t get to grow and learn from your mistakes. so what happens when, God forbid, you need to find a new job? well you can hope that your career of sucking up will still work for you or deal with massive behaviour modification.

personally i’m not a fan of brown nosing (in case i haven’t made this clear already) – even when i’m the intended target – because even if i like you, i’ll still separate that from the fact that you’re just not cutting it. albeit i might be nicer at it and choose a nice way to tell you you suck, but i’ll still do it.

what i’m saying is that brown nosing might work for you in the short term but long term, it really is you who suffers, unless you’re fortunate enough to work for the same person for the rest of your life, or a series of ego maniacs.

Gigantic traffic snarls plagued the newly opened Bandra-Worli link bridge. At a whopping Rs1600 crore, this traffic jam is touted as the most expensive in the world. Officials from the Limca Book of World Records visited the site earlier today.

“We came, we saw”, said Rekhard Brehker, the LBWR’s spokesperson. “We noted.”

Using up 3200 crore man-hours and enough steel to go all the way around the circumference of the earth, the bridge still hasn’t solved the one single thing it was supposed to: Mumbai’s nightmare traffic congestion.

Getting past agriculture minister Sharad Pawar’s minions in order to ask him about the chaotic state of road traffic just hours after he and his boss, UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi opened the bridge to the public was a task more arduous than listening to Chidambaram speak. “What traffic jam?” he asked reporters. “We only travel by helicopter or aircraft – sorry.” This opportune position however did not stop him from trying to giving himself a brown-noser and the opposition a donkey-punch by vociferously suggesting that the new bridge be named after Rajiv Gandhi*, his boss’s long buried husband.

Weary members of the public caught up in the horrendous pile-up of vehicles at both ends of the spanking new causeway had a lot on their mind. “Who the [4-letter expletive] is responsible here?”, screamed one lady at a smiling attendant.

“Truly Indian“, sighed one elderly gentleman. An eminent proctologist from South Mumbai with clenched fists told reporters, “I’m looking for a slimey smiling neta so I can get to the bottom of this!”

Regardless of the public’s hardship and their pointed opinions, various news channels and papers have lauded the new bridge as the dawn of India’s engineering glory.

*Statistically, there are probably more sites, landmarks, roads, colonies, monuments, streets, lanes, lakes, dams, hospitals, colleges, universities, aircraft, airports, trains, ships, platoons, helicopters, institutions, charities, foundations, harbors, ports, trusts, industries, foundries, mills, memorials, statues, buildings, stations, bus terminals, highways, forests reserves, amusement parks, welfare schemes, cyber parks, tech-parks, gardens, old age homes, orphanages and ambulance services named after that Rajiv Gandhi than pretty much anything or anyone else in the country!

Grovel – verb, describing another’s actions, especially in terms of begging. Synonym of beg, beseech, cower, crawl, bootlick, bow and scrape, brown-nose, butter up, cater to, court, eat dirt, eat humble pie, fall all over, humble oneself, implore, kiss one’s feet, kowtow, prostrate, snivel, stoop, suck up to.

"Don't make me grovel more, I just need that sweet, sweet poonanny!"

(Grah-vul)

1. Grovelling is the act of putting yourself at the mercy of others, especially during the act of apology or begging. To grovel is to literally beg at someone’s feet with your face down – an expression of abject failure, or complete submission. Usually men grovel at their women’s feet after being caught cheating, or forgetting their anniversary. Grovelling does work, as long as the violation isn’t so severe as to be unforgivable.

"President George W. Bush's farewell address was replete with grovelling."

2. To grovel is to delight in a base lifestyle. Someone perfectly happy with living in squalid conditions, with nothing to their name, screaming profanities at passing cars is grovelling – or at least a hobo.

"Saddam's final free days were spent grovelling in a stinky, cramped fox hole."

Sometimes I sit around in class and take a look at everyone before class begins. I take each individual and think about how their life is going so far. I did that a lot in my creative writing class and philosophy class. I never do that in my Edu. & Society class since all we ever do is give out presentations about ourselves. In which case I found out later on today that this girl… this girls that I always saw to be the “perfect girl,” you know the preppy girl that you always see in high school whose always in the plays, and always dresses in style and whatnot… well… she smokes and it stuck me as hard as ever. I was walking outside talking to the students about drugs and whatever and whatnot, and then I could smell the smell of cigs, and I was like, huh… and then I turned around to find her doing that. Now… she claims to be a brown nose in high school and whatnot, and yea, I can see that, but when I all of a sudden saw her smoking I was a bit suprised.

I’m starting to get scared participating in class now. It freaks me out because I participate a lot in class… in all of my classes, and I have good relationships with my professors and I always sit in the front… and it makes me think, do all the students assume that I’m a brown nose? That I’ve always been sucking up to teachers all of my life???

I never for a fact have sucked up to teachers. In fact, I hate doing that, but I don’t mind having a regular conversation with them because, hello, if you haven’t noticed, they’re just as human as you and me. I don’t like to see teachers as authoritative figures… It makes me not pay attention to them as much then, or it makes me pay so much attention that it just gives me a burn out.

Now on a different topic, I noiced something interesting now. As well as sitting around and checking out all the students, I usually think about my relationship if I were to every date one of the guy students there. Most of the time I can’t make any connection with them except that we go to the same college and have this class together. Sometimes I know, during the process of having classes together and getting to know each other, what they like and dislike and pick up their personality as well and compare it to mine. Then I ask this question, would it ever work out??? Most of the time, no, of course not. It’s usually because of me, never them. It’s usally because even if they can fullfill 90% of my “needs” I’ll still have an extra 10% that I long to fullfill and that will never happen with I’m with them. I need someone else who would be able to complete that. [And no, it's nothing to do with sex.]

I’ve been reading some of my friends blogs and one of them has been talking about how much she is in love with this one dude. She continuely talks about him every now and then and how she longs to tell him that she loves him, or how she’s going to be leaving and he will never know… It makes me think of when I was that crazy in love… Sure there’s this one guy that I kinda have a thing… but it’s a very small percentage. I don’t have secet fantasies about him, or long for him so much that I write a blog soley on him. [This is by all means, not to make fun of my friend, but to simply talk about how a person... changes.]

I guess the thought of love crosses less in my mind now. I’m more focused on other shitty things that can ruin my life more. Love isn’t a priority right now…

Wow… love isn’t a priority. Doesn’t that sound strange? Like someone is that cold enough to just forget it’s there??? Life is amazing isn’t it?

vi siete mai ritrovati a pensare “ah, se fossi stato più bravo a leccare il culo al mio capo avrei fatto carriera!”, guardando magari ad un collega che ha avuto la promozione al posto vostro?

finalmente ciò che fa per voi: il presto mitico ASS KISSER BREATH SPRAY.

il sito che lo commercializza recita, più o meno: ”una spruzzata e sarete in grado di dire cose tipo “buona idea!” oppure “avrei dovuto arrivarci da solo!”"

al gusto di cannella, da abbinare eventualmente alla gomma da masticare della stessa linea. 5,5 dollari e vi portate via tutti e due.

Pop Quiz: Who is Michael Chang?

a – A washed-up tennis player who is liked by everyone’s mother

b – A Chinaman living in the USA, on the payroll of the Chinese Communist Party, who occasionally writes unpaid articles for Asia Times Online, in the ‘Speaking Freely’ section.

c – All of the above

The correct answer of course, is ‘c’, though the character referred to in this post, is the one in ‘b’.

Michael Chang (real name is something probably unpronouncable) writes lovely little opinion pieces from time to time. His latest one, entitled ‘Let Us Now Praise Hu Jintao‘ (bless his cotton socks), is a real doozy. If I might be so bold as to quote from it:

[Hu] is a man of few empty words, preferring to let actions speak for him… He mingle[s] well with peasants, factory workers, retirees and students. He has been called “elder brother Hu” by millions of Chinese Internet users, a nickname denoting a strong sense of camaraderie and bonding; it is a genuine rarity in Chinese politics that the nation’s president can be identified as a “brother”.

Internationally, Hu has paid state visits to several dozen countries, lavishly doling out economic assistance without strings attached, signing trade agreements based on mutual needs, and offering technical assistance, especially in infrastructure construction, without getting involved in local politics. In some poor countries, especially on the Africa continent, he was hailed as a new descending “messiah”.

Under Hu’s administration, ably complemented by Premier Wen Jiabao, the reputation of China has soared to new heights. Never before in the history of mankind has a nation been under such tight scrutiny and attention by the rest of the world community, targeted for international intrigues and plots, mingled with jealousy, propaganda, innuendo, and outright lies about the Hu-Wen government, its policies, directions, and accomplishments.

… Even in its heyday, the US couldn’t muster such an awesome display of prestige.

Seemingly oblivious to the fact that Hu Jintao is known as the ‘Butcher of Lhasa‘ by the Tibetan people for his deeds there, Mister Chang goes on a bit more in this vein, and waxes poetic indeed on the great victories Hu Jintao enjoyed in dealing with the SARS epidemic, the 2003 Hong Kong crisis, the Anti-Seccession Law (which targets Taiwan), and the Harmonious Society that is China. The best bit, however, is this:

Under Hu’s and Wen’s leadership, China’s international standing has reached a new plateau, winning new friends and admirers. Its status as a responsible stakeholder has been certified time and again… China has earned the title of worldwide infrastructure builder… the facts remain that the Hu-Wen government has fundamentally changed the world’s view on China and changed the world as well, something that is truly unprecedented in the history of mankind.

Michael Chang, I hereby award you the MyLaowai Handkerchief Trophy, with which you can wipe the poo off the end of your nose. I’m even throwing in some sunscreen, to prevent you getting burned by the sunlight streaming out of Hu Jintao’s arsehole.

Michael Chang: Twat.