Shake It Like a Polaroid Picture...

Just as our latest production at the theatre was getting underway – our house manager was trying to get together a playlist to have going in our lobby before & after the show that dealt with our show. He’d printed a list of popular love songs – and love/hate songs. I offered to burn him some music so he didn’t pay for anything on iTunes. Going over said list, I casually remarked which songs I thought I had, or knew I didn’t.

Apparently, owning 2 songs by Elvis Presley – is just not enough. Floyd teased me mercilessly & prompted my trip to the local library, where I was lucky enough to find Elvis Presley: The Top Ten Hits Volumes 1 & 2. Thirty-eight songs later — in addition to my own Elvis tracks (Jailhouse Rock & You Were Always On My Mind, respectively) I know have fourty songs by The King.

I’ve always found Elvis to be a bit of an oddity, particularly as he got older. His evolution was strangely hipnotic. It wasn’t graceful – nothing that involves rhinestones is. But he was a cultural phenomenon.  And some of his songs are exceptionally good. I can even forgive the fact that most people know his version of  Hound Dog instead of Big Mama Thornton’s. And those cheesy movies… Elvis actually grew on me alot after seeing Bruce Campbell’s performance in the ridiculous Bubba Ho-Tep, and then even moreso after reading the Sookie Stackhouse series (fellow readers will understand).

I’ve added 3 highlight songs to my 101 Tracks list in honor of the occasion: All Shook Up, Hearbreak Hotel, & Burning Love.
Now, if I can just get my mom to stop telling me how great the new Michael Bublé album is & actually let me borrow it… we’ll be golden!

Elvis i JFK nie zginęli. Obaj żyją spokojnie w domu opieki. Z tym, że Elvis to Bruce Campbell a John Kennedy to murzyn.

The King vs. The King of the Dead

Jakby tego było mało, ich dom starców zaczyna nawiedzać duszożerna mumia przebierająca się za kowboja. Wow.

Przez cały film oglądamy Elvisa zastanawiającego się nad swoim życiem. Widzimy go leżącego w łóżku myślącego o pryszczu na swoim penisie, czy też o tym że nie było mu dane być dobrym ojcem dla swojej córki. Elvis żyje i nie jest to żaden równoległy wszechświat, tylko normalne obecne czasy. Wszystko jest wytłumaczone. Nawet to, że jego kolega z domu starców ‘Jack’ Kennedy jest czarny.

Wszystko zapowiadało się pięknie. Narracja Bruce’a Campbella, historia Elvisa, walka ze skarabeuszem czy rozprawienie się z Królem Umarłych – to wszystko było śliczne. Zresztą nazwisko Bruce Campbell i taki opis fabuły wystarczyły by film zdobył status kultowego. Niestety film jako całość jest średni. Nie jest ani troszeczkę straszny, a śmieszny tylko momentami (choć są to momenty niezłe). Jest natomiast troszeczkę nudny. It just lacks some serious kick-ass action.

Wg naszego systemu oceniania film pasuje do noty przeciętnego. Jest zabawny i sympatyczny, ale średni. Jeśli zaś ktoś lubi konwencję komediowego horroru, to niech to obejrzy a nie marnuje czasu przy tragicznym Megan’s Body, a dla fanów Bruce’a Campbella to i tak must-see.

ps. nasz internetowy tłumacz nazwał ten film nieoficjalnie ‘Mietek Mumia’. Piękne.

Anyone who hasn’t seen the movie Bubba Ho-Tep, starring Bruce Campbell, is missing one hell of a ride!

First up today, we’ll have the movie’s stunt coordinator, Gary Kent! He’s written a great book, Shadows and Light: Journeys with Outlaws in Revolutionary Hollywood, where he discusses all the adventures he’s had as actor, stuntman, director, special effects wiz, and more!  Plus, we’ll ask what it was like meeting such murderers as Charles Manson, Tex Watson, and the Mendendez brothers.

Next up, the author of Bubba Ho-Tep, Joe Lansdale!  Joe has won numerous awards for his bestselling fiction, and has a new Hap & Leonard tale coming out called Vanilla Ride!

I still am bummed that the Bubba Ho-tep prequel “Bubba Nosferatu” will not have Bruce Campbell returning as Elvis. To me it simply makes no sense at all. And what ever happened with Evil Dead 4? Raimi anounced a year ago it was going to happen. It seems if it concerns Bruce these days it’s always pretty up in the air. However Ron Perlman returning as Elvis is good enough for me I suppose.

 It seems that that Bubba Nosferatu is finally getting off the ground and the good news is that horror legend Angus Scrimm will be starring as a Bela Lugosi type character who meets Elvis on the set of a vampire movie in Vegas. Could he be Elvis’s teamate or the movies villain? Either way this is great news. Also starring in the film is Paul Giamatti! So I assume this one is going to be a full on worldwide theatrical release which is quite a huge step for the cult director Coscarelli. According to Fangoria this is what Perlman had to say about it: 

“Well, I have this window that’s about to open, I’ll be done shooting [his cable series] SONS OF ANARCHY in September, and we’re hoping to get into production on BUBBA in my hiatus between seasons two and three. I just spoke to [actor] Paul Giamatti [set to play Elvis’ manager, Colonel Tom Parker] and Don Coscarelli this morning, and we’re just moving the ball down the field, trying to get her done.”

Hey Perlman, when are we gonna get Hellboy 3? Or better yet  B.P.R.D. movie to hold us over! 

Hold the presses!

Multi-talented author Joe R. Lansdale will be the featured guest this week on The Funky Werepig.

It’s going to be insane so stop by.  He’ll be promoting his new book, VANILLA RIDE, which I urge you all to go out and get.

You know him from Bubba Ho-Tep but did you realize that his hand is dipped into every other book, show, comic, cartoon, on the planet?  Check the stats because I wouldn’t shit you–you’re all my favorite turds.

A master wordsmith with a raw tongue and a Johnny Cash style to his prose, come sit in with us tonight.

THE FUNKY WEREPIG w/ special guest JOE R. LANSDALE

Tonight at 9 PM est. Come chat or call in, but whatever you do…BE THERE.

Phantasm poster art.

PHANTASM (1979)
Don Coscarelli’s effectively creepy tale of a boy’s private battle with the evil that dwells in his neighborhood’s mortuary/cemetery is very original and filled with lots of bizarre and startling images. Angus Scrimm’s “Tall Man” would become a horror legend. I had many a sleepless nights fearfully waiting to find him standing over my bed, snarling: “Boy!” Flying silver balls drill holes in foreheads and shoot the gore out their backside. Jawa-like dwarves scurry around crypts. No solid explanation is given which adds to the surrealist nightmarishness of it all. The performances are all good and the script generously supplies a few well-placed laughs. There’s some brief toplessness, but it turns out to be dirty supernatural prank (ripped off in Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors). Coscarelli went on to direct two decent sequels and Bubba Ho-Tep.
***
Watch the trailer for Phantasm:

Regi: Don Coscarelli
Genre: Komedi, Skräck
Längd: 92 min
Skådespelare: Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Reggie Bannister mfl.
(Headweblänk)

Recension: Bubba Ho-Tep

Tillhör du dom som tror att Elvis aldrig dog? Då är detta filmen för dig. Tror du dessutom att JFK aldrig dog – ja då är detta fortfarande filmen för dig. Bubba Ho-Tep handlar just om detta… eller gör den verkligen det?
Filmen handlar om Elvis som sitter på ett ålderdomshem. Alla tror att han är en smått galen wannabe, men han själv påstår att han bytade plats med en look-a-like för flera år sedan. Enda problemet var att just denne hade ett ganska taskigt laverne. Vilket i sin tur ledde till att han dog i en överdos. Så med andra ord var det inte Elvis som dog.

På samma hem befinner sig en annan man som påstår att han är JFK. Enda problemet med detta påståendet är att mannen är svart. Men han påstår att man lyckades rädda JFKs hjärna och placerade den därefter i en annan kropp. Voila!

För att göra den här filmen allt mer skruvad, så slänger vi in en mumie som suger ut själarna på gamlingarna som bor på hemmet. Intressant nog gör han detta genom rectum. Så nu är det upp till Elvis och John F Kennedy att stoppa mumien!

Det här är en av mina absoluta favoritfilmer med Bruce Campbell. Han gör en otroligt skön tolkning av hur en gammal Elvis skulle ha betett sig om han aldrig dog. När man bara läser om handlingen kanske det verkar vara en ofantlig löjlig film – men tvärtom – den är oerhört komisk och jag bara älskar den.

Skönt att se ett gäng glada “pensionärer” i huvudrollen i en actionrulle. Annars brukar man inte se detta. Visst i många actionfilmer så finns där ju exempelvis en gammal snut som snart ska pensionera sig. Men detta är något helt annat. Detta är brutalt och komiskt på en och samma gång

These are among my absolute favorite horror films of all time.

The Phantom of the Opera (1925)
Psycho (1960)
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
The Exorcist (1973)
Halloween (1978)
The Shining (1980)
Evil Dead (1981)
Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn (1987)
Angel Heart (1987)
Final Destination (1990)
Jacob’s Ladder (1990)
Clownhouse (1990)
Subspecies (1991)
Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Candyman (1992)
Army of Darkness (1993)
The Addiction (1995)
Se7en (1995)
The Prophecy (1995)
Scream (1996)
Scream 2 (1997)
From Dusk Till Dawn (1998)
Sleepy Hollow (1999)
Scream 3 (2000)
Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
The Descent (2005)
Grindhouse Presents: Planet Terror (2007)

My Name is Bruce en IMDB

[Acepto haberme sentido atraído e indiferente por partes iguales a verla. I like Bruce Campbell but he's weird. Es el equivalente en cine de Mike Patton: anda en todas partes, colabora con sospechosos comunes, es irregular, pero siempre es un gusto encontrarlo. Mi recomendación es no verla en frío. Si no lo conoces... es risky. Ve Evil Dead 2—que como quiera deberías tener ese data en tu cerebro. Para pasar de nivel—o Bubba Ho-Tep. Si no tienes tiempo, ve el anuncio de Old Spice. Meet Bruce first.]

["Sigo en shock. Varado con la sirena. Quizá no andaba con el humor adecuado. Trabajo con una persona que la vio cinco veces (via Netflix). No es para tanto. Me gusta el estilo, pero empalaga. Es un día de campo con Bruce. La aventura del fin de semana, con monstruos y kitsch. JCVC hizo algo similar (un año después) sin slapstick (sorta). Noté una vibra No Retreat No Surrender en la admiración que siente uno de los personajes hacia su ídolo, Bruce. Pero igual y le estoy dando una lectura hiper complicada. Van Damme era el malo en No Retreat, No Surrender. Para la trivia."]

tweets totales: 23*
—————

i. [Nada como escuchar la historia de tu ciudad cantada a dos guitarras, pero esto, "no es ese tipo de película".]

ii. ["Jesus, Jeff. When are you gonna grow up? Getting you laid is hard enough without having to explain the whole Bruce Campbell Factor."]

iii. ["If you don't like Bruce, you walk".]

iv. [Prefiero ser cremado. No quiero adolescentes saltando en mi tumba, tratando de convencer a la chica. Si no voy a participar, no me interesa.]

v. [Tienes 5 minutos para decidir si esto te interesa. Pero si llegaste porque conoces a Bruce Campbell, entonces ya sabes en donde estás.]

vi. [¿Cómo le llamas a esa chica que muere en los primeros minutos y que no alcanzaste a ver sin ropa? Un desperdicio, exacto.]

vii. [Un héroe venido a menos. "Why did I do Serving Sarah? For the money, mouth breather, why else?"]

viii. ["Consider yourself officially exempt from my wrath, sweet cakes. And if you’re lucky a little later, I'll let you play with my boom stick."]

ix. ["You need someone special. Someone who can take on a heinous monster, stop him in its tracks and take him to justice. That would be me"]

x. ["Corners of your mouth turn up at the edges. There's an old Indian saying for that phenomenon. ."]

xi. [That's Cherokee for "she who smiles at one, she no longer continues to hate"]

xii. [Quiero una BC 5000. "I've gotten a lot of use out of chainsaws over the years. Killed a lot a zombies, saved a lot of lives..."]

xiii. ["...but at the end of the day when push comes to shove... they're just too damn heavy.", yo tampoco creo volverme leñador, pero quiero esa.]

xiv. ["What would Bruce Campbell do?"]

xv. [Ahora quiero ver Drag Me To Hell para saber si seguir esperando una cuarta Evil Dead suena a buena idea. Bruce is the new Shatner.]

xvi. [Si no ha saltado al tiburón, el cabrón está en el aire; y más vale que haga una pirueta salvaje para que lo recordemos íntegro y no diluido.]

———————————————–

*[referencia: esta nueva temporada traerá cambios importantes. en el último mes, me reconcilié con twitter, y uno de los usos que me ha fascinado, es el de escribir mientras veo una película. aclaro que no es una práctica que recomiendo. pero el comentario directo, sin filtro y desnudo me ha seducido. cada semana voy a twitter y en directo, me siento a ver una cinta -porque enviar txts en el cine es incultura y vil majadería-, y a comentarla con quienes se presten a leerlo. aquí publicaré los mejores tweets; allá se quedará lo demás. algunos conceptos o imágenes pueden resultar abstractos, es parte de la experiencia, quizá cuando veas la película en curso, se te devele el secreto. suscríbete aquí.]

The Era of Possum Domination

In ancient times the possum was considered to be the wisest among all animals, and man was kept as their slaves for mixed breeding purposes. All over the world the possum created kingdoms where man was kept underground for their lusts and pleasures (1), but in 2345786 B.C. a man called Wooby formed a rebellion against the possum race and with fierce brutality they battled the possums for 40 decades until they stood as winners.

Possums were stripped of all their powers and were chased into the dark tombs of the underworld where they slowly inbreded themselves into the rat like creature of today. Man became the most dominant species of the world.

But slowly and ever so cleaver, the possum is changing, altering their chromosomes into perfection to once again overtake the position as the most powerful living being.

Through thorough research with dead possums, the possums of the underworld is breeding a master possum race of Possum Zombies, unkillable and unstoppable they will return to world’s surface to engage in the ultimate battle for world domination. Man is still unaware of its upcoming, unavoidable destiny – to once again be dominated by the possum master race.

________________________________________________________________________

1) The misconception that aliens are using men for sexual experiences is coming from the era of possum world domination.

When you’re moving across the country with nothing that can’t be carried in a backpack or small luggage, it may be a bad idea to continue to pick up horror movies. I can’t help it, I love them.

So, when I land at the other end I’ll have plenty to talk about but for now here’s what I got my bloody little fingers on.

Rogue – surprisingly good, I highly recommend it.

Bubba Ho-Tep – classic Coscarelli and Campbell, also highly recommended

Silent Hill – a movie adaptation that doesn’t’ completely suck, it’s worth a watch

The Ungodly – not great but engaging, Wes Bentley offers hit or miss performances in everything he’s in

The Terror/House on Haunted Hill/Night of the Living Dead – two out of three isn’t too bad. The Terror is a piece of bunk but it has a young Jack Nicholson and an ailing Bella Lugosi so it’s still worth watching. The transfers on this three pack are some of the worst I’ve seen. See the movies but avoid this pack (released by Dreamline).

The Ring – it kicked off the Asian remake craze but was one of the only ones done even remotely well. Worth a watch.

Resident Evil: Degeneration – if you’ve always wanted to see a full length film made entirely from video game cut scenes and voiced by sub par English dub artists watch this movie. It’s not bad, it’s just not that good.

Jack Brooks Monster Slayer – it’s campy, it’s cheesy, it’s fun. Robert Englund is great and worth watching the movie to see.

REC – the original Spanish version of America’s Quarantine. I didn’t mind the remake but the original is much more satisfying and the climax of the film is phenomenal. Highly recommended.

Simon Says – I can’t even start with this one. I love watching Crispin Glover doing crazy things but this movie is just nuts. I don’t think it’s good, but I think I liked it. Didn’t I?

The Messengers – the Pang Brothers (The Eye) first foray into American film. It’s mediocre and dull but Kristen Stuarts pretty hot so I’d still say watch it once and never speak of it again.

I also picked up Stuart Gordon’s Castle Freak on VHS. I love all Gordon’s films and this is no exception. Jeffrey Combs is always a blast, watch it, love it.

November 12, 2007

Director Jim Mickle, whose unconventional zombie flick Mulberry Street screened in TFF ‘07, offers up his list

Director Jim Mickle’s hair-raising Mulberry Street, which played TFF ’07’s Midnight section, will roll out on more than 300 screens nationwide on November 9th, as part of After Dark Films’ “8 Films To Die For” series. The story, which takes place on a sweltering Manhattan summer day, concerns a rat-borne virus that turns civilized city dwellers into bloodthirsty, rodent-like creatures dying to sink their teeth into one another—a kind of Dawn of the Dead for the modern-day Lower East Side. Mickle has more than 40 credits to his name working on feature films, TV, music videos, and commercials, including such noteworthy films as Monster’s Ball and Transamerica. Mulberry Street, his first feature, terrified audiences not only at Tribeca, but also at SXSW, Fantasia,  

As an avid movie watcher and freakishly obsessive horror fan, it’s pretty disheartening to see the genre repeatedly undercut itself with terrible choices and mass-marketed, formulaic dreck. For every horror classic, there are at least a thousand botched disasters that wind up at the front of the video store, or worse, in the multiplexes. So it’s little wonder that the genre’s reputation is only slightly above pornography.

But outside of the studio slop, the sequels, prequels, remakes, and “Americanizations,” there’s a wealth of hidden gems, most of which are readily available for anyone looking to discover some original dark voices this Halloween. Below is a list of extremely rewarding films, pulled from outside the mainstream, which can be categorized as horror but range from the terrifying to the hilarious to the jaw-dropping.

The Last Winter
Dir. Larry Fessenden, 2007
Great cast, creepy as hell, and maybe Larry Fessenden’s best movie to date. This film shows the director’s remarkable ability to shift from scrappy, low-budget efforts like Habit and Wendigo to a carefully composed and choreographed film that feels a lot like a Japanese horror movie. Very smart, and a great setting.

The Lost
Dir. Chris Sivertson, 2005
Before he worked with Lindsay Lohan (on this year’s I Know Who Killed Me), Chris Sivertson made this ballsy adaptation of a Jack Ketchum novel. There’s a strange feeling of tension from the first scene, which gets heavier and heavier until the final explosion. Always fascinating, though not straightforward horror. Marc Senter is incredible in the lead.

Ginger Snaps
Dir. John Fawcett, 2000
One of my favorites. About two morbid teenage sisters discovering similar bodily changes brought on by womanhood and lycanthropy (the ability to turn into a wolf). A great, character-driven werewolf movie from  

Possession
Dir. Andrzej Zulawski, 1981
Whoa. Incredibly surreal movie starring Sam Neill and Isabelle Adjani as a married couple going through a bizarre separation. Somehow mixes top-notch creature effects with a family breakup scenario. Crazy blend of over-the-top extremes and gut-wrenching emotional melodrama. Some unforgettable scenes and performances.

Murder Party
Dir. Jeremy Saulnier, 2007
Also played SXSW and Fantasia 2007. Another fun, low-budget NYC film about a lonely guy who gets invited to a hipster art-school party in Brooklyn, where the partygoers are intent on making the ultimate piece of art. Described by the filmmakers as The Breakfast Club with chainsaws and drugs. Different, witty, and very fun.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes
Dir. John Erick Dowdle, 2007
Like my film, played at Tribeca 2007. Extremely well-done A&E-style faux-documentary about the fictitious “Water Street Butcher” who shot thousands of hours of video footage while terrorizing upstate —one unfortunate girl in particular. Perfectly executed, with some very inventive and subtle choices.

End of the Line
Dir. Maurice Devereaux, 2006
This film has been wowing festival crowds for over a year now, and it deserves the praise it has received. A refreshing combo of jump-out-of-your-seat scares and wildly twisted (but not that implausible) antagonists—a group of religiously obsessed cult followers seeking “salvation.” Takes place mostly in subway tunnels. Hopefully getting a proper release soon.

Isolation
Dir. Billy O’Brien, 2007
Beautifully dark cinematography and a super eerie Irish farm setting make this lo-fi “monster” movie incredibly unsettling. Any plot synopsis will just sound hokey. Imagine Alien, if it took place on a remote cattle farm. The special effects are some of the most delightfully cringe-inducing in years and the overall sense of dread is very well-handled.

Aftermath/Genesis
Dir. Nacho Cerdà, 1994
One of the more disturbing pieces of narrative filmmaking for those with a high tolerance for intensity. This infamous short film chronicles an autopsy which ends badly for the cadaver, but it’s captured with an astonishing eye for detail and anatomical accuracy. Great instance of beautiful technical filmmaking applied to gruesome subject matter. Available on Netflix.

The Nameless (Los sin nombre)
Dir. Jaume Balagueró, 1999
Balagueró’s first feature, adapted from the pitch-black Ramsey Campbell novel. Brutal mystery about a woman who receives a panicked phone call from her daughter, seven years after the girl was murdered. More intense plot twists to come. Grimy locations and story with cinematography that makes you feel like you’re watching Se7en with sunglasses.

A Tale of Two Sisters
Dir. Ji-woon Kim, 2003
One of the most gorgeous films out there. A Korean horror movie that has great crossover appeal for those who want a beautifully realized art film. Haunting, scary, and hypnotizing to watch and listen to. Direction, production design, and cinematography are all perfect—with a brilliant use of wallpaper, of all things.

Soft for Digging
Dir. J.T. Petty, 2000
Unique and effective do-it-yourself filmmaking, made as a thesis project and finished as a haunting, almost-silent film about an old man in the woods who may or may not have witnessed a young girl’s murder. Back-to-basics visual filmmaking, with amazing simplicity, patience, and ability to use what’s already there to tell a story.

Bubba Ho-Tep
Dir. Don Coscarelli, 2002
A cult classic in every way. Based on the Joe Lansdale novella about an aging Elvis impersonator who believes he actually is Elvis (played to perfection by Bruce Campbell). He teams up with Ossie Davis (who believes he is JFK) to stop a mummy who’s been knocking off old ladies at theirTexas

retirement home. Ossie Davis is BRILLIANT!

Learn more about Tribeca Film Festival at http://www.tribecafilmfestival.org/

Also check out http://www.goremaster.com for more information about special effects in movies and people who create them!

New York

Canada

, which spawned two interesting sequels. Great mash-up of two very different genres, and some great werewolf FX.

Toronto

After Dark, and other festivals around the world. For more on Mulberry Street, visit the official site.

Given the spooky date, we figured he was just the man to give us a tour of the world of independent horror. Here’s what he told us:

JFK (Ossie Davis) and Elvis (Bruce Campbell) ...SEEMED like a cool idea.

BUBBA HO-TEP (2003)
Bruce Campbell, bless his heart, plays an elderly Elvis with a broken hip in the same old folks home as Ossie Davis’ black, but underplayed, JFK (!), circa: now. They battle a mummy. Campbell gives the best performance of the movie and his career. He’s a surprisingly subtle, sharp and sympathetic E, who’s spent the last two decades bitterly mulling over his lost career that he handed off to an impersonator he hired to replace him for life. Davis’ character may or may not be Jack Kennedy, but he does have a magic bullet scar on the back of his head and a room dressed like the Oval Office. The mummy steals souls by sucking them out of the assholes of old people – and that may be where the scales tipped for the ME. The mummy element of the plot seems force fed to a movie that didn’t need or want it. As a metaphor it’s thin and incoherent. That Phantasm director, Don Coscarelli, is responsible is disappointing. At the end of the day, Bubba Ho-Tep turns out being a better conversation piece, than a movie. **

År: 2002
Genre: Komedi, Skräck.
IMDb Betyg: 7,4
Skådisar: Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Reggie Bannister, Ella Joyce, Heidi Marnhout.

Handling: Bruce Campbell spelar Elvis, som är vid liv och bosatt på ett ålderdomshem under falsk identitet. Detta ålderdomshem råkar vara hemsökt av en gammal egyptisk ande, så Elvis och hans kompis Jack (John F. Kennedy som bytt utseende och blivit svart) tar sig an de onda makterna medelst rullator-kung fu.

Kommentar: Jag gillade handlingen att Elvis ligger på ålderdomshem men det känns onödigt att blanda in mumien i det hela. Hade potential att bli något annorlunda och mycket bättre än den B-skräckis den blev.

Betyg:

"Who gets a fourteen hour show these days...that ends in nudity?"

The longest track on DEAD FUNNY is the opener, and for a couple of minutes I was wondering if Matt Weinhold was going to get the crowd at Cobb’s off the ground. Seemed like the drug jokes weren’t working as planned, but then he adeptly turned the tepid reaction into his favor by steering into bits on listening to Rush on acid and joining the Kiss Army, and from that point forward, he was rolling. (The Geddy Lee impression was priceless.) By the time he got around to the…uhh…special bicycle seat, all bets were off.

There are thirty-six tracks on the album, although several are just logical segues that could have been lumped together (e.g. “Bald Race”/”Last Haircut”). Weinhold is not a monologist; he’s in and out of topics quickly - a quick one or two jabs to set up the punch line, then a couple of great reaction lines to drive it home (often using sound effects and a myriad of voices to add color). I haven’t seen him in person, but based on the voices and timing I would bet he’s physically expressive as well. Not Brian Regan expressive, but very visual.

Yet despite the seeming smorgasbord of topics, there’s a great flow to the set, and like the San Francisco crowd at Cobb’s I was laughing throughout.  And Weinhold has balls – he’s unafraid of offending anyone. If several gay, Nazi, serial killer and pedophile jokes were over the line, he absolutely hurdledit with “Pudding”, yet he was able to pull even the dumbfounded audience members back in and get out alive. But compared to those pokes at the disabled, he’s soon far rougher on himself as a geeky, lazy, balding sci-fi freak who resorts to pleasuring himself in the kitchen rather than summon the initiative to do the dishes. Matt might have wanted the audience to leave the show with the word “assfigure” as their new vocabulary entry, but it’s the one he coined in “Masturbation” that will haunt me for a while.

Besides the above, my other favorite pieces were “Pepe Le Pew”/”Yosemite Sam” (with excellent imitations), “Amateur Porn”, “Action Figures” (take that, conventioneers!) and the closing bits on sad, tired and bizarre relationships. (I think I dated that girl in “Living Together”, although Matt’s nightmare woman sounds more like Kevin Meaney on a Red Bull jag…)

DEAD FUNNYis a solid effort, as Weinhold hits the target often. Plus anyone who’s into BUBBA HO-TEP is alright with me.

Tons of information at Matt’s website.

You can also buy DEAD FUNNY at CD Baby.

My Name is Bruce (USA, 2007)

Bruce Campbell is the current co-star of Burn Notice (one of my faves). He has a long filmography. He’s acted, directed and written, too. Perhaps he is most well-remembered for making cheap horror films like Bubba Ho-tep and The Evil Dead Trilogy. Many of the actors from those movies join him in this, a spoof of himself and the cheezy horror movie trade. It’s a typical story, but fun, with creepy characters and lots of screaming and laughs. Bruce plays himself, as a broken down drinker who knows how to act in a horror movie, but not in real life! Who else would you call if your town was being terrorized by a creature with a folk song? Hooky fun. And, I might add that the Bruce Campbell of these movies is pretty close to the Sam Axe character of Burn Notice. Sam wears the same Hawaiian shirts and carries himself with a similar attitude. Though, in Burn Notice the monsters are of this plane. A whole lotta laughs whether you know of his work or not.

Bombay Talkie (USA, 1970)

An American woman writer comes to India to find out more about a popular Bollywood actor. Seems she writes sexy novels and wants some material from the colorful Indian film industry. She’s not a very nice person, but the scenery makes it all right. A piece of music from this movie was used in Darjeeling Limited. (Another fun film made in India.) An odd movie, but interesting. The description on IMDB doesn’t match mine. I’m not sure the story is the main feature. James Ivory wrote and directed it.

Love and Honor (Japan, 2006)

We’ve been watching a lot of these Samurai movies lately. A 30-doku (low wages) Samurai tasting food for the feudal lord, ends up poisoned. He survives, but is blind. With children and a wife, what sacrifices will have to be made to support them? How will he find his way? A touching story of love and honor.

To find out what the hell this is all about, click here.

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2000 Best Picture Winner: Gladiator.
And the Eward goes to . . . Snatch. No doubt Gladiator kicks unholy ass, but it won’t be necessary for Lil’ Evil to see that movie, as he will experience gladiatorial combat firsthand thanks to his old man. That makes Snatch the winner here. Kudos too to Memento.

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2001 Best Picture Winner: A Beautiful Mind.
And the Eward goes to . . . The Royal Tenenbaums. Evil likes this one better than Rushmore, though it’s close. Bill Murray is brilliant in Rushmore, but he took that role and ran it into the ground over the next ten years. Whereas Gene Hackman’s performance in Tenenbaums is singularly transcendent. Evil can’t decide which is a more flagrant crime: that Hackman didn’t win Best Actor for this, or that Jeff Bridges didn’t for Lebowski.

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2002 Best Picture Winner: Chicago.
And the Eward goes to . . . Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones. This year will serve as a lesson for Lil’ Evil: you gotta take the bad with the good. And you have to be ready to see your dreams crushed in two hours of cinematic diarrhea. Attack of the Clones is not only the worst Star Wars flick, it’s one of the ten worst movies Evil has ever seen. (Most people claim The Phantom Menace is the worst, but at least that one had the pod race and the lightsaber duel. Name one good thing about Clones. ONE!) But let’s give a shout-out to the few good movies that came out in ’02: Gangs of New York, Bubba Ho-tep, Spider-Man.

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2003 Best Picture Winner: The Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King.
And the Eward goes to . . . Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. The craptastitude of its sequels distracts one from the fact that the first Pirates was something that hadn’t been seen since the halcyon days of Raiders and Empire: a fun, intelligent serial-style adventure movie in which there was no need for a requisite “comic relief” character because the dialogue was actually, you know, witty. Evil thought we finally had another great summer franchise on our hands. Boy, was he wrong. But that’s neither here nor there: 2003 was a summer of hope.

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2004 Best Picture Winner: Million Dollar Baby.
And the Eward goes to . . . Kung Fu Hustle. There is no way Evil can describe or overpraise this movie. It is perfect. Kudos also to Eternal Sunhine of the Spotless Mind, The Incredibles, and Spider-Man 2 (alert! alert! sequel superior to original!).

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2005 Best Picture Winner: Crash.
And the Eward goes to . . . King Kong. Giant ape vs. not one, not two, but three tyrannosauri = a movie Lil’ Evil will most certainly watch. Aside from its running time, Evil has never been sure why this movie wasn’t a bigger hit. A worthy remake. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang will also be viewed repeatedly in the House of Evil.

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2006 Best Picture Winner: The Departed.
And the Eward goes to . . . Casino Royale. Evil is a Bond man. Lil’ Evil will be too. Evil is just thankful the producers manage to wrest the franchise from Pierce Brosnan’s cold, dead hands.

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2007 Best Picture Winner: No Country for Old Men.
And the Eward goes to . . . no award given. No Country and There Will Be Blood were fine flicks, sure, but to his shock, Evil can’t find ONE movie from ’07 that his spawn must see. A little help, anyone? In the meantime, since Evil was weak and couldn’t choose between Heat and The Usual Suspects, just slot one of them in here. So:

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2008 Best Picture Winner: ?????
And the Eward goes to . . . The Dark Knight. Just as shocking to the Evil: he kinda almost thinks Let the Right One In might actually be better than TDK . . . but it matters not. Lil’ Evil must see The Dark Knight and know that this is as close to his father’s vision of a perfect Batman movie as we are ever likely to see.

Tomorrow: wrapping up this farce.

For the past eight years or something like that I’ve been faithfully attending Dead By Dawn, Edinburgh’s annual horror film festival and always one of the highlights of my year. During that time I’ve been privileged to meet, or at least listen to, such gore-drenched luminaries as Robert Englund, Tony Todd, Herschell Gordon Lewis, Neil Marshall and countless other residents of the horror hall of fame. One name has always been missing from that list though and last night he finally came to town – Bruce Campbell. The man. The legend.

For the uninitiated (shame on you!) Bruce is the star of the Evil Dead trilogy, the recent cult hit Bubba Ho-Tep and countless TV series and B-Movies, cropping up everywhere from X-Files and Xena to cameos in various Coen Brothers movies and all three Spiderman films. He is a god of ham-and-cheese acting, stooge-style slapstick and really, really bad pick-up lines such as the immortal “Gimme some sugar, baby”. The best thing is he knows all this and he’s damn proud of it – he’s never going to be an A-list star and he doesn’t give a good god-damn, he’s just happy doing what he does best.

Last night he made a very rare UK appearance to give us a Q&A session after the Scottish premiere of his new movie, My Name Is Bruce. The movie was a gem for Campbell aficionados like myself and, apparently, extremely enjoyable for those with only a passing acquaintance of the man and his work. Brief synopsis – Bruce (playing himself) is slogging his way through yet another sequel to yet another crappy sci-fi film when suddenly he finds himself kidnapped and taken to the tiny town of Gold Lick out in the ass-end of the States. Turns out the residents have unleashed an ancient Chinese god of war (and patron saint of bean curd) called Guan-Di who is mighty angry and making short work of the townsfolk. One local boy is a Bruce maniac and decided that only he can save them but Bruce, of course, is convinced that the whole thing is a birthday surprise set up by his agent. Cue cheesey dialogue, silly gore, ridiculous over-acting (Ted Raimi gets bonus points for his three roles) and the most indulgent nuggets of Bruce Campbell trivia.

The film went down a treat with the crowd but the real pull for the evening was an audience with the man himself. And lo, he was teh awesome. I reckon he graced us with maybe half an hour of answering questions, some rather insightful land some just fucking stupid. One guy in particular singled himself out as a moron, starting his question with “I’ve asked a lot of celebrities this…” – what a wanker – “… would you prefer to eat ice cream-flavoured shit or shit-flavoured ice cream?”. Thankfully most were slightly more intelligent and Bruce proved himself every bit as witty, articulate and sharp in real life as he is in his books.

Unfortunately he confirmed he won’t be appearing in the sequel to Bubba Ho-Tep (Bubba Nosferatu) but did let slip that his part, the ageing Elvis, will now be played by Ron Perlman, with Paul Giamatti appearing as Colonel Tom Parker. Now that I gotta see. Also there’s going to be no Evil Dead 4 and thankfully he’s 100% against any remakes of the Evil Dead trilogy – he was extremely vocal on that point.

So a good night all in all, I urge everyone to go see the movie so that we might be able to see more like it in the future. And if you ever get the chance to see the man in person I highly recommend it, I still have that Ready-Brek glow around me…

On “Bubba Ho-tep”
Ryan H.: It’s so good.
Elise: Like, so bad it’s good?
Ryan H.: No, like so good it’s amazing.

On teaching elementary students the recorder
Rich: At the end of the day, I realized I had kept saying “put your two fingers over the A-holes.”

Dave: We were so poor. Like, food stamps and welfare poor. Jamie would walk in and know when we got paid because we would go grocery shopping and buy meat. New York meat…there’s something about it. She’d open the door and be like ‘Oh. It smells like dead.’
Rich: Tasted amazing; always smelled like dead.

Ryan H., on furloughing: It sounds a lot cooler than it is. It used to be that in Vietnam soldiers took a furlough to get a hooker; to get away from the shit.

Ryan H.: What? I didn’t hear.
Rich: It’s okay. You don’t need to.

Jamie: I copywrite for Bergdorf Goodman. It’s a department store that sells upscale retail.
Ryan: They sell cayenne pepper?
Jamie: No. But we sell Monolo Blahniks. It’s a shoe. A kind of shoe.

Elise: So what did you do about the poop?

Regarding letting laundry stack up
Ryan K.: I do that with dishes. Earlier this week, I ate cereal out of a measuring cup.

Dave: I can’t handle big words like that.
Jamie: What? Google Search?

Elise: I would totally make out with that side of the table.

Unknown: I am a truth-seeking missile.

It is the nature of the writing business to run in fits and spurts, I think.

Earlier, I wrote of entropy and the relentless march of time in the forward direction.

Inertia, is, I think, the cousin of entropy.

Happily, I’m devoid of any kind of serious or formal education, and therefore free to haphazardly associate scientific concepts in any way which pleases me.

So, here we go!

Inertia, or the tendency of objects to remain in motion, is an important concept.  In this case, it the sister corollary, or the tendency of objects to remain at rest, to which I refer.

You see, I am a typical descendant of my closest mammalian cousin, pan troglodytes.  Which is to say, I enjoy hanging out.  A great deal.  Perhaps even more than your average pan-descendant.

Having found a comfortable couch upon which to rest my derriere, and a functioning remote conveniently (albeit mysteriously) connected to a rather large, high quality, fully-surround-sound-equipped television, it is a bit of a challenge to overcome my natural tendency remain in repose.

This is inertia, if you will.

Perhaps we could define inertia as the tendency, of this troglodyte descendant in particular, to remain in repose unless acted upon by an external force.

Similarly, we might define entropy as the tendency, of that same descendant, to seek a comfortable couch upon which to become inert.

Aaahhh.  I have returned.

Truly, this keyboard is like the road, in the movie What Women Want, in that it always welcomes me back.  It never judges.  It never scolds.  It never asks where I’ve been.

I wrote a post a couple of days ago, published only briefly before retraction.  It really was of substandard quality, although the phrase, “in vino, veritas,” certainly applied in this case.

Anyway, I posed the classic Bubba Ho-Tep question, “How Could I Have Gone from Being the King of Rock’n Roll, to This?”

Well, with the help of inertia, of course.  Repose, if you will.  A high-quality entertainment system, with every pay channel and video on demand.  What more does one need?

If there is one thing three kids have taught me, it’s that I wasted a tremendous amount of time, and in the prime of my youth at that.   I can do more in 20 minutes today than I used to be able to accomplish in 24 hours.  Man, I’m pretty sure I could cure cancer if I had an entire uninterrupted day to myself.

But, in veritas, at the end of the day, I repose rather than write, or work, or generally engage in some laudable activity.  That is the true reason behind the break in my posts.  I confess.

But no more!  It is I, the reposable ape man, back from the dark side.  I walked to the edge.  I peered into the slovenly depths of slothitude, and I am alive!

Now, on to business.

What shall we discuss today?

How about something my lovely wife said the other day.  I quote, “Why can’t everything work like Trader Joe’s?”

By this, she meant, “Why isn’t the whole world concerned about, and trained to deliver, great customer service?”  Well, that’s a good question.  Let’s apply it to our hallowed profession.

Let’s think about this together.  Why, indeed, is it so difficult to find truly great customer service?  We all understand the importance of our customer, in the concrete as well as the abstract.  There isn’t a PM among us who would claim otherwise.  To be honest, I’m pretty sure we all believe it, too.

Is great customer service absent in the project management profession?  I don’t think so.  But at the same time, I’m having difficulty coming up with some really fantastic examples of outstanding customer service.

We can certainly find competent project managers, diligent and conscientious individuals, who strive every day to provide an outstanding product.  But is there a Nordstrom-like experience which we can share amongst ourselves?  If so, I haven’t heard of it.

It could be, in a manner of speaking, that an outstanding product meets customer needs.  Therefore, delivering an outstanding product is, in and of itself, great customer service.

But I think truly great customer service is more than that.  It’s almost intangible.  Not quite mythical, because we’ve all experienced it, but hard to quantify.

Is it one of those things that we just know when we see it?  I guess it could be.  But I like to think that if Trader Joe’s can produce it consistently, we should be able to as well.  Those Trader Joe guys don’t have a corner on the market.  It’s not a secret.  It’s just hard to do both well and consistently.

Well, what does great customer service look like in the PM profession?  I can think of some things.

How about staying on top of those factors which matter to our customers?  That’s a start.

For example, knowing, at all times, how much has been spent and for what?  That’s a pretty good sign.

Maybe having, at our fingertips, a meaningful list of what’s been done and what remains?  How about knowing what the schedule is, and how we’re actually performing against it?

There’s the big three.  Cost, scope and time.

But, I don’t think it’s enough just to know how we’re performing in these dimensions.  I think great customer service has something to do with getting in front of our customers, and with presenting a unified view of the information in a way that’s truly comprehensible.

You know, that’s a big part of what earned value tries to do.  But EVM is too technical.  Too dry.  Too much data without information, unless you’ve been educated in the topic and know what a 1.2 SPI actually means, or if that’s even a good thing.

I think EVM comes close to capturing the information that’s an important part of great customer service, but it’s not the answer.

Can you share with us your view of great customer service in project management?  Maybe a story, or an example, or even one of the myths handed down to you by your mentors, that illustrates the concept for us?  I’ll think about it too, in repose, for our next get together.

Thanks for being patient, and I’m really glad to see you again.

From the land of my mind, this is Alex Chompff signing off.

 
Each new entry in the daily “Movie Midpoints” quiz will feature the middle frame of a different film. A link to the name of that film is provided with each day’s midpoint image (but try not to peek before you’ve made a guess).