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You know, it really takes a lot for me to hate something.  I like to think of myself as a commercial critic.  I like to look at them objectively and see if they make sense or are hitting me in the way they intended or if it makes me want to purchase from them.  There are always commercials that are annoying (Bud Light’s Jimmy Football) or don’t make me want to watch what they are promoting (ABC’s V), but they usually don’t make me want to do everything I can to bring them down.  It’s not even that I would actually do anything like that but, man, they really make me want to!

For me, Old Navy takes the cake.  Not in the good way.  More of in the way that you are about to dig into some really amazing dessert that Rachel Ray made for you and then Old Navy ran in and trashed the place, lit everything on fire, kicked your dog, spit on your wedding photo and stole the cake only to throw it on the floor.  I am almost absolutely positive (not 100% only because I don’t know what I may or may not have giggled at as a little kid) that there has never been an Old Navy commercial that has done any of the following:

• Entertain me
• Make me want to visit their store
• Make me want to spend money in their store
• Make me want to continue watching their commercial
• Do anything other than just straight tick me off

It’s true.  If they didn’t have sales that sucker my wife in, I would do everything possible to never EVER go in that store.  No I don’t want to spend $4 on a pair of crappy flip flops that I can buy at Walmart of half that.  No I don’t want some random goofy item of clothing that a talking mannequin is wearing.  From the very first Old Navy commercial that I can remember watching, I have wanted to break my TV.  And you would think that they would come up with something catchy or fun or cool or not completely annoying, but no.  They have just gotten worse and worse.  And don’t even get me started about EVER piece of clothing I have ever had from there shrinking or fitting awkwardly or writing your name on EVERYTHING.

Ok.  I’m done for now.  No more hating on the blog.  Just had to vent.  This will do…at least until the launching of my new website www.ihateoldnavycommercialsmorethanpassingkidneystones.com.  And yes Old Navy, I do want to run into your store and form tackle your entire mannequin display.

Just a quick alert that we have negotiated some crazy cheap beer prices for this weekend:

Bud Light 24oz cans, case of 15 for $17.00 (reg. 1.69 each, so it’s like buy 10, get 5 free.)

Michelob Ultra 24pk cans for only $14.99 (get a 24 pack for the price of an 18 pack.)

Bro. Thelonious Abbey Ale, 4pk, reg. $13.49, now just $4.99 (not a typo).

Spaten Oktoberfest 6pk, reg. $8.99 now just $4.99.

All prices are only good while supplies last, which is probably only for the weekend. And as always, we don’t charge extra to get it cold.

Stop in asap….

(This post can also be found on The Atlas of Life)

Not long ago, a patient arrived at my St. Louis chiropractic office for her appointment accompanied by her husband, an executive with Anheuser-Busch (AB-Inbev). He had some questions about Upper Cervical Care, the first being “How is this different from other styles of chiropractic adjusting?”

I immediately thought of his company’s TV commercials promoting Bud Light’s drinkability, so I used these advertisements as a springboard to answer his question.

A critical difference between Upper Cervical Care and various full-spine chiropractic approaches is holdability.

If it’s true that spinal misalignment impairs the body’s ability to function normally, then a successful outcome for any chiropractic adjustment would be a reduction or complete elimination of this problem. With that being said, the more often a person needs to be adjusted, the longer their body will remain in a state of perpetual malfunction.

I’m of the opinion that the most effective chiropractic techniques consistently achieve lengthy holding times. The longer a patient can maintain one spinal correction, the better off they are…

If a patient isn’t achieving measurable improvement and requires frequent and repetitive adjustments, there are five possible explanations why their correction isn’t holding:

1. The analysis used to determine when and what to adjust is incorrect or incomplete
2. The mechanism of the doctor’s adjustment (the how) is not being applied properly
3. The patient is not doing their part by following their doctor’s home-care instructions
4. The patient is exposed to chemical/emotional stress irrespective of structural balance
5. Matter has exceeded limitations; permanent tissue damage prevents structural stabilization

Upper Cervical chiropractors are acutely aware of the role they play as facilitators of the healing process. If our calculations are wrong, or if our adjusting procedure is incorrect, we’re doing our patients a disservice. Making sure each patient receives a taylor-made adjustment based on their specific misalignment is something we take very seriously.

Among the myriad choices of chiropractic techniques available to doctors and patients today, I’ve found noteworthy consistency among those under the Upper Cervical umbrella. I believe the reason for this is because Upper Cervical Care isn’t merely a “technique” but rather a system of analysis.

The emphasis Upper Cervical doctors place on this system in order to achieve their unique holdability is ultimately what makes all the difference. I for one wouldn’t practice any other way.

It’s no surprise to myself that I am analyzing a commercial for the coveted brewskis. I grew up in the St. Louis Metropolitan area, and St. Louis has always been touted as being a “brew city.”. Alcohol-selling companies sponsor damn near EVERY sport in whatever league, no-name or big-league, they are in (ex: The Arch Rival Roller Girls are sponsored by SPARKS). Alcohol is everywhere, especially in the ads we see on TV.

This particular ad got my attention strictly because it made me laugh my rump off. Like seriously, I think it is gone due to all the calories I burned off laughing. That and I was also compelled to replay it and show some friends, which doesn’t happen much when I view advertisements. This is especially odd because I don’t drink, so why would I be promoting something of which I do not participate in?

This ad is definitely targeted to the Gen-Y drinkers. Surprisingly though it is not just aimed at the male demographic either, the women in the office are swearing up just as much as a storm as their male counterparts in hopes of that sweet alcoholic reward. Such strong profanity usually isn’t favored by most of the older folks though. It’s quirky and humorous, and lets face it – Gen Y is quirky and enjoys laughing. I actually have not had the chance to see this ad on television, considering that I watch little-to-no television a week (that and it was from ‘07). Usually though this kind of ad would be saved for prime-time viewing on big network channels. Why? Because currently, the standard is that alcohol advertisements can only be placed in media where 70% of the audience is over the legal drinking age. You know, which is probably nearly every channel now considering most of the younger generation is switching over to the internet to watch their TV. That and it would probably not be shown during the day because that is when most older people and children are watching television and this ad is definitely not good for children’s naivety.

Gen Y has been slated to desire a sense of community (a la the 60’s suburbs), so in a way I see this commercial selling a sense of comradery throughout the office between co-workers, all united by a common love of getting buzzed. Obviously the corporate arena is a touchy subject, your boss might be a jerk, or maybe you asked Deborah out, subsequently got rejected, decided to get drunk (fifth of vodka) as a result of said rejection and defecated on her desk resulting in a harassment lawsuit and no promotion… Hell, the whole premise of Office Space pretty much was how much the cubicle life sucked. Bud Light has your back though, drink the pain of those TPS reports away? I think so.

The ad most definitely portrays the stereotype that everyone loves to drink, that a good time comes from said drinking, and that everyone not only loves to drink, but does drink (i.e.: Sober Sallies like me are non-existent after their 21st birthday). Also, I noticed that nearly every female in the video was very thin and every man was of an average size. A lot of frequent drinkers are usually overweight because of how many calories/carbohydrates are in the beer they’re drinking. So just to clarify, excessive beer consumed = lots of extra calories = fat. The ad also was deceptive in trying to lead the audience into believing that everyone enjoyed drinking Bud Light. Guess what?! There’s hundreds, thousands, of different types of beers being brewed across this small world of which we live in. Not everyone drinks alcohol, and of those who do, not everyone drinks Bud Light.

Of course though they would use the money in the swear jar to buy a case of Bud Light. Why? Because without alcohol, the coveted holiday corporate party would usually be a disaster, right? Actually, I have no idea. But here’s to you Bud Light, go f*ck yourself. I didn’t buy your beer so advertisement although funny = fail.

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By Kyle Bauer

In light of another fantastic week of NFL action, you should go back into the archives and read my blog on just how much the NFL ROCKS! Or just click here .

My personal game of the week. Chicago 6 San Fransisco 10 . A game truly deserving of a National audience.

But this may be premature considering the Browns are playing tonight.

Also is it sad that I usually spend my Sunday nighs sobbing while watching Barry Sanders highlight films on YouTube, or is it understandable?

In navolging op de eerder gepubliceerde blog over vrouwen in drankreclames schreef ik over het feit dat veel drankmerken niet doorhebben hoe ze moeten adverteren op een manier die vrouwen ook aanspreekt.

Vandaag verscheen er een artikel op Adage over de nieuwe reclamecampagne van Bud bier. Deze reclamecampagne kan direct aan de rij smakeloze voorbeelden worden toegevoegd. De campagne bevat video’s die viraal doorgestuurd kunnen worden. In de video’s This butt’s for you’ bekennen vrouwen en meisjes dat ze houden van ‘getting in the can’.

Met deze dubbelzinnige opmerking doelt het biermerk op de blikjes, met een overduidelijke seksuele verwijzing naar ‘getting it in the can’; oftewel anale seks. De vrouwelijke hoofdpersonen in de video’s maken opmerkingen als ”I never thought I’d enjoy getting it in the can as much as I do,” ”I gave it to my boss in the can,” en “I’m gonna get it in the can in about five minutes.”

Deze video’s zijn duidelijk op mannen gericht, maar wat de Bud vergeet is dat de vrouw in de meeste gevallen de gezinsboodschappen (en dus het bier) koopt. Ik vraag me af hoeveel Amerikaanse vrouwen nog Bud’s zullen kopen na het zien van deze reclame….

Waarom deze platte en denigrerende keuze? Wat dat betreft doet een Nederlandse bierfabrikant als Heineken met de walk-in-fridge het toch een stuk beter!

Heineken benutte dit succes door op feestjes bezoekers te filmen in de walk-in-fridge en deze video’s online te plaatsen. Bezoekers konden deze filmpjes online terugzien op een actiewebsite, downloaden en deze als e-card versturen. Aan de reacties van de bezoekers te zien was dit een geslaagde actie.

The singles scene is already strenuous for twenty-something females. It seems as though the impossibly tan, even more impossibly blonde and fit look still reigns supreme. Males seem to be ever impressed with chicks who are unthreatening (read: not smarter than they are), will succumb to their every whim and will tolerate his not calling her back. Adding brush to the already blazing fire that is the single dating world, imagine the challenge of finding a guy who’s accepting of odd quirks, such as, oh say, veganism.

Wanting to discover what the males of Ohio University truly think about foregoing meat, dairy and all animal byproducts (and whether they know what veganism even is), one discovered that perhaps not all faith in the male population is lost.

Between sips of chilled Bud Light, Patrick Harris, a senior studying visual communication, admits that he’s never thought of going vegan. “I hate vegetables,” Harris says. “I eat, like, olives and corn.” Harris isn’t alone in his thoughts of never going vegan.

“I think you miss out on essential nutrients, but as far as fat content, you’re better off going vegan or vegetarian,” Jamie Miller, a 22-year-old graduate student studying sports medicine, said. When pressed to unveil what nutrients he thinks are missing in a vegan’s diet, Miller was less than confident. “Iron, protein, magnesium, I have no idea.” Have no doubts that Miller was then schooled as to how vegans get plenty of iron, protein and magnesium via dark leafy greens, beans and nuts.

A time and place that makes it spectacularly more difficult for these men to understand a diet that consists of chickpeas and almonds as protein is during the holidays. Namely, Thanksgiving poses as a challenge, as its main star is the turkey. While humans exchange love and thanks with and for each other, an averaged 45 million turkeys are killed in the U.S. every year for the holiday, according to a Compassion Over Killing report. College-aged men don’t plan on ending that tradition any time soon.

Miller and Harris both said they’d still have a turkey for Thanksgiving if their girlfriends were vegan, yet had opposing views on food preparation.

“I wouldn’t make her cook it because I enjoy cooking, and I’d probably be the cook,” Harris said. Unfortunately, not all men have the same culinary desires.

“I don’t make my girlfriends do anything. I might ask her nicely, and sometimes I do like to have bacon in the morning,” Miller said. Unlike Miller and Harris, though, another young gentleman wouldn’t force the turkey-fest upon his supposed vegan girlfriend at all.

Nicholas Campagna, a 22-year-old student studying music education, said he wouldn’t make his significant other buy or cook a turkey. “I’d find something alternative for her, something soy or tempeh,” Campagna said.

Though the men were overwhelmingly steak fans—even the understanding Campagna− they didn’t seem to abhor other’s non-flesh-eating ways.

“I just want [vegans] to be happy. I want everyone to be happy,” Harris affectionately said.

Campagna and his friend contemplating veganism.

Harris and his thoughts.

Therefore this is just a blog of nothingness to let you all know that I went to Vegas for a few days. Done and done.

Haha. No, just kidding. Kidding on sparing you the details, not kidding on the actual going to Vegas part. Ah, Vegas, where to begin?

Beer #1 at Harrahs

Sharing Beer #2 with the Blue Man Group at The Venetian

Hydrating our Lion friend with Beer #3 at Treasure Island

A few mates and I flew in a couple of hours before the next set of mates arrived, so we made it our mission to drink as many beers in the short time frame we had, at as many different casinos and hotels as possible. We caught the monorail down to Harrahs and began our beer-binge there with a wonderfully cheap bottle of Bud Lime. Mmmm delicious. While walking through and observing the casino, I chugged my beer as fast as possible, only stopping for air  in between every few chugs to ensure survival. I knew I only had a short amount of time remaining before our arrival at casino number two; The Venetian.

The Venetian is so beautiful. It is like a little piece of Italy, only in the middle of the desert. The ceilings are painted with a blue sky and clouds and there is a river that runs through the middle of the hotel with several gondolas passing by. It really is spectacular. After admiring the beauty that is The Venetian for a few minutes, it was time for Beer #2. This time is was my personal favourite, a Bud Light. It was my turn to buy and conveniently, it just so happened to be happy hour at the bar we wound up at. Sweet deal; $2.25 for a bottle of Bud Light. Please, tell me where I can get beer this cheap in Australia… ummm, that’s right… NO WHERE! Another reason to add to the list of ‘why I want to move to the U.S.A.’

Chug, chug, chug. We walked as fast as our legs could carry us to Treasure Island. This is where Beer #3 was purchased. I wish I knew the name of the beer we bought, but unfortunately I have no recollection. And no, this isn’t because I was drunk (yet), but because I’ve never seen this type of beer before in my life!  I was going off Nicole and Kelly’s recommendations and, needless to say, it tasted amazing haha. By this point, the rest of our tribe had called to tell us they had landed and were on the way to the MGM (our hotel) so we started walking back down the strip to meet them there.

View of part of the Vegas strip on the walk back to the MGM

While walking back, I guess you could say the beers started to ‘take affect‘ and we got a little sidetracked by the amazingness that is the Bellagio sound and water show. I’m not sure if this happens every half hour or every hour on the hour, but what ever time it was when we were passing by,  people were crowding around so we figured it was about to start and decided to stay and watch it.  Let me tell you, it really is something. One of the prettiest sights I think I’ve seen in my life. Watching the water move so gracefully to the music is extremely calming and relaxing. I could have sat there for hours waiting and admiring, but there was no time for that, we had to get back to the hotel to meet the others.

The sound and water show out the front of The Bellagio in Las Vegas.

Ugly Sticks for everyone!

We met up with the rest of the clan at the MGM and decided it was time for more wonderful alcoholic beverages… Off to New York, New York to get Ugly Sticks from Coyote Ugly! Mmmm, Ugly Stick, I have been longing for you since we first laid eyes on each other back in 2007. I’ve spent endless nights dreaming about the day we would meet again. Today would be that day and you did not disappoint! I ordered the slushy fruit punch Ugly Stick with Bacardi 151… Now, not sure if you know your alcohol, but Bacardi 151 Rum is a high proof (75.5% alc/volume) dark rum. It is a form of over-proof rum which is not available in several countries due to its excessive alcohol content. Haha. Needless to say that, along with the beers, this went down a treat and not before too long, we were all nicely buzzed and decided it would be a great idea to have a photo with the CSI promoters. Some how after this we ended up at Wendy’s and Subway which was rather epic, and that is all I remember! Haha.

Yay for CSI Promoters and Ugly Sticks in Vegas!

A new day and new arrival. Ick, sounds like we’re in the maternity ward at a hospital. Nooooo! Just a new day in Vegas and yet another mate arriving in. Today was the day we picked up our mini van, which we later named Jan; Jan the Van haha. Jan would be our wise accomplice for the next 48 hours, however, I prefered to think of her as more a best friend forever, and by forever, I mean only two days. Before heading back to the airport, we stopped to stuff our faces with In-N-Out which is a burger joint that is really only available in California and Nevada. We had to have a group photo taken out from of In-N-Out, because, I mean, who doesn’t do that? Haha.

Jess, Don, Me, Kelly, Nicole & Kristi at In-N-Out in Las Vegas.

The hallway that never ends at the MGM!

After picking Crys up from the airport, we headed back to our hotel to get ready for the nights events. Sidenote: Did I mention how bloody long the hallway leading to our hotel room at the MGM was? From our end looking down, it appeared there was no ending! Of course it was just our luck that we were literally right down the end of it! Tonight was going to be super fun and I was soooooo pumped up for it. It started with a buffet dinner at the Bellagio. Oh My God. I have never seen a buffet so amazing before in my life. The meat was delectably superb, if you are a seafood fan, then you’ve just hit the jackpot and the dessert bar was out of this world! I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wanted to eat the entire place but my stomach wouldn’t allow it! I managed maybe three main servings then some fruit and chocolate covered strawberries and I was done. My poor belly looked like I was pregnant with quads on the way but I couldn’t care less! Best buffet ever to grace this planet! I’m drooling now just sitting here and thinking about it. Do yourself a favour and go and check it out; $36 for dinner, good deal. Included non-alcoholic beverages too.

Kelly Clarkson @ The Hard Rock Hotel

Next stop was The Joint at the Hard Rock Hotel to see the one and only Miss. Kelly Clarkson perform on her All I Ever Wanted Tour. Just quietly, this was our reason for going to Vegas… but don’t tell anyone that *pinky swear*. I was beyond excited for this show. We weren’t too sure about our seats but upon checking them out, we realised they were amazing and a lot closer than what the seating chart made them seem to be. Excellent. We went and chatted to some other friends at the concert before getting told to go back to our seats, boooo. The lights went down and ACDC’s You Shook Me All Night Long started blasting over the sound system. It was time. EEEEEEEEEE! My GOD! She was AMAZING! Best I’ve heard her sound in a very, very long time! She blew me away and I fell in love all over again with her voice. She performed a cover of Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes which left me speechless. It was phenominal. I could say the same words over and over again to describe how amazing this woman is, but they could never do her justice. You just have to see her live to appreciate what a talented artist Miss. Clarkson is.

And if you thought the night couldn’t get any better… you were wrong! Free entry and guest list to Studio 54 for Jess’ birthday! Wooohooo. We drank, we danced, we drank some more… I wish I could write more here but I really don’t remember much of the night hahaha. Here, maybe this photo can sum it up for you…

Extreme close up of my face. What am I doing? I will never know...

Drunk glassy eyes haha

The next morning we had to be up at 6:30 am to drive to Phoenix in Jan the Van. I thought I’d hate myself at that point but I was first up, first showered and super cheery that morning haha. Weird, I know. I guess it’s cause I learned my lesson of never mixing beer with liquor and just stuck to the beer… all seven of them haha.

Stay tuned for our Phoenix adventures.

Bud Light ran a regional commercial during the Eagles-Cowboys game last night. I’m assuming the same commercial ran in Dallas, only the footage was Dallas-related instead of Philadelphia related.

Also, I assume that Dallas was spelled right.

Nothing gets the home team fired up like misspelling their hometown

Any other blogs post this? I think I should e-mail Bud Light. Only saw the commercial once, but it definitely happened.

Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console.

Source:
http://www.boingboing.net/2009/11/03/man-in-breathalyzer.html

"She's gonna get fat."

As college students, we are constantly inundated with new knowledge. It can be useful, thought-provoking, or crammed into our head on a Starbucks-fueled binge several hours before an exam. However, very rarely do we question the validity of all this new knowledge (unless you take philosophy classes, then you’ll question away).

That’s where College Candy comes in. We’re not going to debate whether or not the Theory of Relativity actually exists (a disappointment, I know, but I’m a communications major and stopped taking science classes after Baby Bio fresh year). However, we are here to thoroughly investigate the most widespread college knowledge (no, not rhyming): the myth.

Alright guys, I’m gonna level with you: I’m a big fan of the brewskies. I like Sam Adams Pumpkin Ale, Sweetwater 420, the occasional stein of Newcastle, and the slightly more frequent funnel full of Bud Light. I particularly like that I can drink copious amounts of beer without the consequences that would come from drinking the same amount of vodka, water & lime. Most of all, I like that beer lends itself easily to day-drinking.

What I don’t like about beer (besides how much it makes me want to sing drinking songs) is that it makes me fat.

It’s not even the eventual, slowly-creeping-towards-your-thighs fat. It’s like an immediate, “I’m so carbonated and delicious and I’m going to make you so full you can’t suck in anymore” variety of fat. So it’s no wonder that beer contributes majorly to the Freshman 15, right? Ehh, yes and no.

The typical 12 ounce beer has around 150 calories. So obviously, each one you drink adds to your bottom line of calorie intake. The more calories you consume without burning them off, the more weight you’re gonna gain (I know, it’s all very scientific). But if you carefully measure out your Stairmaster time to counteract the beer pong tournament you plan on winning later and you’re still gaining weight, it might not be Natty Light’s fault.

A strange thing happens when I drink beer. Come the end of the party/night/gameday/Happy Hour, I feel this strange magnetic force pulling me in the direction of anywhere that serves cheese fries. I’m not the only one, right?  Ok, good.

Beer, while awesome, still has alcohol in it (actually I’m pretty sure that’s what makes it awesome). Alcohol has this sneaky, two pronged approach to weight gain. In and of itself, it’s a highly caloric waste of nutritional value. On top of that, it lowers inhibitions. So not only are you more likely to make out with that guy who dressed up as a Smurf for Halloween (my best friend is still trying to get the blue body paint off of her sheets), you’re more likely to think that a Big Mac is totally worth blowing your day of careful eating and yoga. And it might not stop at the Big Mac, because we all know McDonald’s is a gateway drug to pizza and Lucky Charms.

So, while beer will make you gain weight (without exercise and self-control), another often-overlooked aspect of weight gain is beer’s BFF, Drunk Eating. The best way to avoid gaining a beer gut that isn’t even beer? Don’t stock your fridge with unhealthy crap, keep snacks in pre-portioned containers or bags, and for the love of all that is holy do not ask the cab driver to stop at Taco Bell on the way home! Instead, eat a good dinner with complex carbs and protein on nights you know you’re goin’ out big. Good judgment before 5 rounds of flip cup might just ensure better judgment after you are dubbed queen of the first try flip.

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Bud Light presenta este evento, retomando lo que fue su anterior y fue todo un exito se decide ir por la parte dos!
Utilizando como broma y en cliche les presentamos!
TRICK OR DRINK [part. 2 this is the new shit]

Lugar: The Residence (Camino Escudero – Frente al Solar de La Paloma)

Cooperativo: $10 Dlls Gral.

Bud Light Open Bar (Free-B)

Hora: 9pm

+Area Vip Lounge

+Disfraz no obligatorio

+Los boletos se podran comprar ese dia, en el lugar del evento.

+Dos escenarios (bandas y dj’s)

+Halloween Haunted Mansion

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Now that British alcoholic advertising cannot legally either entertain or appeal to minors (I still miss the Hoffmeister Bear) we have to look abroad for our titillation. This one from our Bud Light drinking American cousins passed me by last year but provoked a brief smile when I stumbled upon it today…

When a moment in history happens, we tend to take note of our surroundings so we can later recall where we were and what we were doing when the event unfolded. Sometimes, the moment in history is a tragedy, like President Kennedy’s assassination or the 9/11 attacks.

It’s not always that way though. Other moments where we or someone we know look back on what they were doing include the moon landing and the United States hockey team defeating the Soviet Union in the Olympics.

The story I’m about to tell you falls in the latter category. I don’t think it would classify as an event of national importance, but it’s one I won’t soon forget. I’m talking about the Iowa football team’s last second victory over Michigan State, which gives them their first 8-0 start ever. The only hint of national importance in this is that the Hawkeyes moved up to No. 4 in the BCS standings.

Two months ago, I agreed to emcee a fundraiser for the Indianola Fire Department on Oct. 24. As the date got closer, I came to find out that this would take place at 7 p.m. The Iowa game, in East Lansing, Mich., started at 6. I didn’t mind that so much, since I wasn’t certain I really wanted to watch the Hawkeyes grind out a victory anyway.

My father decided to accompany me to the Des Moines area this weekend, so we got a hotel out by the airport, it was pretty nice. The most important thing is that they had the Big Ten Network, which was carrying the game.

Shortly after turning the TV to the game for Dad, I made my way to Indianola to do the fundraiser. It was a success. With the help of the Granny Basketball League, the fire department raised $1,100 for its education programs. They had a silent auction, they auctioned off some baked goods, and there was a game.

I’ve called numerous granny basketball games across eastern and central Iowa and even into Minnesota, and this was by far the most entertaining game I’ve seen. The firefighters, who ended up winning, were quite energetic, and they teamed up with the grannies for some Harlem Globetrotters-type slapstick on the court. The crowd was pretty energetic as well.

The highlight of the fundraiser had to be this guy dressed as Sparky the Fire Dog. He was playing center in costume when he just launches the ball towards the basket from center and makes it! The officials said it didn’t count because “centers can’t shoot,” but I looked at the rules later and never saw anything that explicitly forbids anyone other than forwards from shooting.

Throughout the game, I checked my iPhone for the score of the football game and would update the crowd during timeouts. It was a low-scoring affair at first, with Iowa leading Michigan State 9-6.

Heading back to Des Moines, I had the game on in the car and was crushed when the Spartans took the lead 13-9 with 1:37 left. I thought there was no way Ricky Stanzi would lead the Hawks down the field and to victory.

But as I pulled into the hotel parking lot, Stanzi was doing just that. I made it into the hotel lobby, where the game was on, and watched Iowa make it into the red zone. The quarterback then threw an interception, which I thought ended the game, but Michigan State was called for holding, which would give Iowa first and goal at the 7-yard line.

So they had four shots to win the game. The first three were incomplete, which left them with one final chance with 2 seconds remaining. I thought I was going to die. When Kirk Ferentz called the team’s last timeout, I rushed up to my room on the second floor, where Dad was watching.

I sat down on the bed, hoping somehow they would pull it off, but not believing they would actually do it. Finally, the ball is snapped. Stanzi finds Marvin McNutt on a slant pattern and McNutt takes it in for the game-winning touchdown.

I heard my father shout. I jumped up and shouted even louder. Somehow, Ricky Stanzi and Marvin McNutt were able to top Sparky the Fire Dog’s incredible play. The Hawkeyes won, 15-13.

When the game ended, Dad and I went next door to a steakhouse that was offering free drinks for hotel guests. I’m not big on alcohol myself, but I went ahead and ordered a Bud Light. I needed it after that game. Besides, “in heaven there is no beer, that’s why we drink it here…”*

*For those not familiar, the polka song “In Heaven There is No Beer” is played when Iowa wins.

Damn dude, why you gotta get up all in my face for?