I moved to the unknown, and for some strange reason, my fears were heightened and then were quelled.

I split up with what I thought was the love of my life after week one. Yes, it happened, the boyfriend I’d mentioned, the one that pestered me to write on this thing turned out to be a bastard, and I’m thankful for that.

I’ve met someone new. A boy who’s turned my confidence and my life round. He’s given me everything and I in return have given it back. Two months ago he was a stranger, and now he’s the most important person in my future. Strange, isn’t it, how life turns around.

The course is interesting, bus challenging. I’m currently writing about Marxist literary theory, alongside Austen, Blake and Poe. Referencing turned out to be a bugger, but now it’s the matter of reading and immersing yourself in what seems an alternate reality. English somehow does that to you..

London is a beautiful place, my life is where I want it to be, my fears have been quelled, and the future looks bright.

Last night Mr. Facebook was flying home from a work trip and because he was flying in late we just planned to see each other tonight. However I couldn’t wait to see him, he has been gone since Monday and seriously it has been way to hard not seeing him all week long. So to surprise him I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I made it to the airport with just 10 minutes to spare and time enough to grab a blacken ice tea for both of us at Starbucks.

Hiding around the corner I saw him walking out with his work buddy and the best part was sneaking up on him and asking him if he needed a drink. Ha-ha I think I caught him off guard because the first thing that came out of his mouth was you are such a bugger. After that he pretty much just beamed and seemed really happy that I came to greet him at the airport.

So for a 90 minute round trip to and from the airport was worth the 5 minutes I spent with him walking him from the gate to the shuttle. I think we were both in such a good mood and so happy I got to see him. So I kissed him goodbye and watched him leave on the shuttle to get his car. Knowing that I would be seeing him tomorrow…

After lunch I went to go back up to my floor at work. There was a huge crowd in the foyer waiting for the lifts. Every now and then the lifts stuff up and the call button doesn’t work. So the only way to get a lift is to wait for someone to come down to the ground floor.

Actually, this can be kind of confusing. I’m in no hurry to get back to work, but there is something incredibly annoying about standing there watch 4 out of the 5 lifts bounce between to 20^th and 24^th floor. The 5^th one, of course, is out of order…

Fortunately when one lift comes the others follow it in a group. So 2 lifts arrived in foyer and get packed with my fellow semi-comatosed building dwellers, but I could see a third one was on it’s way…

Anyway, the lifts aren’t very patient and the doors close pretty quickly. It’s a common sight to see people to lunge forward as soon as a lift empties out so you can be sure the doors don’t close, cause often when they close they move on instantly and there is no way to stop them cause as I said, the call button doesn’t work.

So it was a little frustrating when the lift arrived and the door opened the current occupants decided to pause and consider their horoscopes before exiting. Then a woman who had positioned herself right in front of the lift, decided what ever she was texting (probably ‘OMG, you won’t believe what my horoscope is telling me today’… With a LOL thrown in for good measure) was worth finishing before she got into the lift. So I quick threw out my arm to keep the doors open, just in time to hit the tip of my finger on one of the doors that had decided everyone had enough of an opportunity to enter and it was time to be on it’s way.

The door managed to bend my finger back, bend the fingernail back further, split the finger nail (only a couple of millimeters) before grudgingly opening again. I spent the whole lift trip nursing my finger, staring daggers at the stupid phone woman and wondering if I could be fired for expressing my opinion, loudly, at what a complete moron she is.

Moral of the story. People are to dumb to be trusted with lifts, phones or horoscopes.

PS. I’ve been incredibly busy at the moment. So I’m not sure how frequent posting will be. But I’ve been sent another picture from my mother, so I’ll try to put that up soon.

PPS. But really guys, I mean I stop posting for a while, quite a while I’ll admit. So you tell me, why is it when I’m not posting I seem to get more visits to this site!!! Are you all trying to tell me something?

If you fill out an application form in regards to a job, but then Safari crashes, does it count as a productive afternoon?

My Mum assures me that it does, as I was looking for people to interview for my radio show too, but it does still feel like a waste of a headache.

For NaNoWriMo, does writing approximately 50k of characters, instead of actual novel actually count?

My problem is that my mind is willing, the ideas are there, but I’m not actually getting anything typed as I’m either on the bus, applying for stuff, serving customers, knitting Christmas presents or asleep. While I can hardly complain (on my self imposed scale of someone with a hard life, I have hardly anything to whine about and there am -1000 on the ’stop whining you daft berk’ scale). I think that I have enough planned, and will count it as a good start. Maybe I will cheat and get it properly started on another month.

Is it better to watch Tru Blood or read the books?

I have no idea. I’ve only started watching it. All I can say us that I find it intriguing and that I am so glad that I didn’t watch it with my folks. There’s an awful lot of rude bits, and while I’m hardly a prude, I just don’t like watching sex scenes with my folks. We’re the kind of family where if we get embarrassed by nude bits, someone gets up and makes a cup of tea.

Is it hypocrisy to accidently take home from the school the paperclips you confiscated from a kid this morning?

I hope not. In any way, I hope I can return them before someone notices that they are no longer in the teacher’s desk pot.

I guess I’ll just come out and say it:

I’m a prankster. I know to most of you this is a REAL SHOCK…..or probably not.

I like to have fun. I enjoy (as some as you may have read) to make people uncomfortable and awkward. I fill the role of jokester or court jester well. It once took a lot to get me to open up and be talkative around new people, and that has for the most part changed. I’m very friendly and at points can be very outgoing. Of course a good 40% of that time I’m just pulling the leg of whomever it is I’ve just met. Much to my wife’s dismay (sometimes) I enjoy introducing myself as Jacob to people I’ve just met. This is something I really enjoy and pride myself in. Two instances that stand out are the fiancé incident and the neighbor one.

The fiancé incident took place in Columbus whilst visiting Linzi for one of her famous bashes. I showed up and introduced myself to everyone as Jacob, Linzi’s fiancé. Yes my wife was there (we were together though not married yet) and she actually enjoyed it. I succeeded in confusing more than one person.

The other took place in our apartment building. While at a neighbor’s party I again introduced myself as Jacob, and it stuck. To this day there is a dude in our building that thinks my name is Jacob.

You should try it. Hell Jacob even has a pair of eye glasses he wears. He’s developed quite a personality. One thing is for sure he’s a lot friendlier than I am. Wait, what? Anyways some of my other forms of amusement are as follows. I’ve been known to ask for someone wearing a jersey for their autograph. For instance (dude is wearing a Lebron James jersey) I’d go up to him and say “oh my god Lebron can I get your autograph? It can be quite fun.

One time at work with a new coworker I convinced him that aisle 3 was haunted. He was very afraid to go into that aisle.

Another famous gem involves my wife, Linzi and a sweaty kiwi. Get your mind out of the gutter I mean Duncan Oughton who is from New Zealand and plays for the Columbus Crew. We had been at a match between Columbus and The U of Akron. Afterwards as the wife and Linzi walked ahead of me I saw him limping out of the field. I struck up a conversation with him. After wishing him well went back to my group. My wife saw him as he passed and said “Oh he’s cute.” So I go over towards him and say “My wife thinks your cute and says you’re her new crew boyfriend.” He turns and looks as the wife tries to flee and Linzi throws her hands up and says “I’m not the wife.” Classic. Well, he’s a cool fellow and jokes with us when my wife yells “we’re divorced.” He says “so you’re available then?” Cue their swooning because of his fun response and of course his accent. My wife was fuming but also thought it was funny. I mean you think we’d be together for 12 years if she didn’t enjoy my strange brand of humor?

The women at work thought it was mean and threatened to hit me if I was their husband. This sparked the continual telling her that they feel sorry for her and that it must be horrible to be married to me. I’m just a harmless little jokester. For the most part I put my little green and red jester suit for her entertainment. Okay I don’t put on a jester suit but I do often wear various animal noses. I do this for her. I’d jump through hoops, fall on tacks, get hit with a pie to the face, or creep out my boss to make her laugh. I love nothing more than seeing her smile and making her laugh. It really doesn’t take much. Linzi, kat and I are pretty easily amused. Proof?

How about me as Hannah Montana?

As I type this, it is a blissful 80(ish)F, and I am typing this under a parasol. I am actually copying up notes I made on a small train journey the other day. However, notes have since survived at least three connections and being covered with the remains of a chocolate brownie, so I am trying to type them up coherently.

So, the 2nd Assessment day. I should have really updated this earlier, but ’stuffandthings’ (to give it a self descriptive category), have been going on that has meant that updating has really been the last thing on my mind. Plus, the weather has been so beautiful recently, it seems a shame to waste it (even if I am using the time to help me out in the long run). It brings fun memories of university, where you would see incredibly pale people lie in a coma-like fashion on the grass once any hint of blue skies came over campus.

The 2nd assessment day was a long, hard slog. My first experience hadn’t prepared me for this at all, as I went from a small, exclusive group being tested with a few members of HR and previous Graduates, to a massive group of people where I had to shout and work hard to actively make my voice heard.

Travelling by train in posh clothes (aren’t M&S great for cheap yet expensive looking suits?), I arrived at the hotel where the assessment was taking place. I then had coffee, made polite small talk where everyone tried to sum each other up in 2 minutes, tried to figure out who had travelled the farthest and then figure out who the competition was, and then had to stand up in front of a big group of people to describe why a breakfast blend of coffee was just like my personality (the words “as I am energetic and won’t burn out after 2 hours” may have been included in there somewhere. This was a *facepalm* as no-one else really joked and instead compared themselves to champagne…).

After this, the real work began. I was put in a group with other people, and we had to use the research we had compiled to create a fictional theme park ride (did I mention this was for a company that owns theme parks? I didn’t? Oh well, now you know). 6 hours later, after arguing, wondering around the theme park, and me writing things down while others shouted ideas, we presented our ideas to various high end managers of the company. I screwed my part up, by managing to forget everything I wanted to say and everyone having to remind me. There were other parts to mention as well-we had to create a character out of lego and do a maths test as well the next day, and I also got to hold a snake, before getting a slap up lunch and leaving (this happening in that order).

As this brief summary of almost 24 hours attests, I knew it hadn’t gone as well as it could have for me.It was far more exhausting than the previous assessment, and I just felt out of my depth for a lot of the time. There was almost the fact that we all seemed to be in a parody of the Apprentice, as at some points it did seem to come down to us shouting and ignoring all advice we had already prepared. If you put in a camera, it would have been indistenguisable. I was reminded of Gus asking people if they wanted to “Stir fry ideas in his Management Wok”. That is not to say that the people I was with weren’t lovely (they were all very nice), but certainly I got the feeling that I was placed in as a ‘wild card’ and I was up against people who seemed to be much more capable for what they exactly wanted (the advert and the interview have no real relation to each other). Working abroad and within a lot of different sectors does not a manager make, I guess. In truth, I have no idea if my semi made up slogan has any real life in it, but I did come out of that assessment thinking that it was time to change tack. I am not a manager. I am a team player, a hard worker, a DJ, a frustrated writer and will always put a positive spin on everything despite evidence to the contrary (“Oh come on, it’s only a lump of ice-how is that going to stop our journey?”).

I heard I had not been successful from both assessments lst week. The first, I was in the supermarket when I recieved a phone call right by the discounted dog biscuits. I was given 10 minutes of feedback over the phone and told that, while they had been impressed with some things, I was not exactly what they were looking for (supposedly they did not think I was much of a team player, which did grate with me slightly). The 2nd response a tert, generic email which promises some proper feedback sometime soon. I’m not exactly holding my breath-considering it didn’t go too well, I’m not overjoyed to read other people’s opinions telling me why I was rubbish (even if they did give me a free USB stick).

So, I feel adrift at the moment. I am back where I was 2 months ago, jobs are becoming thin on the ground again and it’s getting frustrating to try and break into a new sector and for your CV to disappear down a black hole if you apply for work experience. I feel frustrated and a bit useless as possibilities are being slowly exhausted. Nothing seems to happen without me kicking up a large fuss, no matter what books I read to help me. To paraphrase a famous U2 lyric, I am screaming without raising my voice here.

As much as I believe that something will happen soon, and my perfect job is just round the corner, and it’s all just a matter of plugging away, I still feel a bit surplus. I’m hoping it’s something that constant exposure to the hot weather and sun will fix.

But then, the screaming optimistic will say,

OK, to follow up from yesterdays post.
I was working on my next Monday Project Submission while having a couple of beers. I actually have another idea, but it’s very technical and involved a lot more planning.
But while trying to work it out I stumbled on doing this…

Ripples

Very similar in someways to this old drawing I did years and years ago. Back when the earth was young…

ripples the first

But I think I stuffed up the lighting. I want the light source, to be from the top left corner, even though to top left is in shadow…

The main problem is… I think that involves shifting the lines that are shaded. However, that’s really hard when you have all these intersecting lines. It’s really hard to keep track of what’s what, especially after a couple of beers. I’m starting to suspect some sort of maths may be involved, to determine the number of circles and distance between them to make things easier.
But then again maybe not…
So any advice people?

[Updated; If you haven't yet, go check out A Simple Tunes submission for last months theme. Not only is it fantastic, it's a new medium for the Monday Project submissions...]

I think I’ve completely stuffed up my next Monday Project submission. I wouldn’t mind so much, but it wasn’t even the idea I was trying to draw….

I’m in two minds whether to put it up to get feedback…

You know, I make a promise to update at least everday and what’s the first thing that happens?

I miss a day.

Lame, I know. It’s like, “Geez! Can’t you keep a simple promise like that?” Don’t worry though, it happens all the time in my other blogs, but I mean I was really working towards this. Anyhow, I missed a day in my written journal as well so don’t feel left out because you’re not alone. I actually meant to update earlier, but I’ve been a bit busy.

Okay so that was a lie. I’m never really that busy, but you know its alright. I  keep myselfplenty busy with narratives and stuff for roleplays or hanging out with a few friends here and there. It’s mostly narratives and comments for roleplays though.

Here’s to turning nineteen,
Soledad Trudeau

He has his son on the mantle

And his eyes on the wick

The silly little bugger’s always up to some trick

Pass him a light

And take a second to see

If the candle he’ll burn

Or his little baby.

I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced living in a completely foreign country like me, but if you have, you might know what i’m talking about. I live in South Korea. Yet its not the Korean-ness or American-ness (for lack of a better word) of the country that makes me feel foreign, its not the fact that i am one of the only white faces in the corridor, no. It is the fact that i am the only true Brit. Once you have explained the meaning of “bugger” for the upteenth time, you start to realise that these people will never really understand you.

Although its handy occasionally to have this difference, you never get in trouble at school when you use a british swear word because no one knows what the hell you’re talking about, it’s still annoying to have to repeat yourself a million times a day because you call it an optician not an optometrist or you ask to go to the loo not the bathroom. The biggest difficulty i had was when i tripped on the stairs and said loudly, “Bollocks!” The session of explination that had to go on after that was uncomfortable.

It’s frustrating to see, the red marks accross your page after you hand in your english essay. The teacher has kindly marked out your “spelling mistakes” which aren’t really spelling mistakes. The times when you write a “u” in colour, or in neighbour. The music is different, the sense of humour is different. My use if sarcasm was definitly odd to the others at first.

Even our tempers are different. The very basis of our personality is different to the American personality. I’m not going to lie, i can’t wait to get back to England. I miss it so much, the people, the places, the food, the accent, even the bloody Queen, but it has been nice to be a minority. And i know that as soon as i go back, i won’t be able to get away with saying “bloody hell” or “bollocks” without a teacher being annoyed.

If you, like me, hang out once in a while on IRC to chat with fellow programmers (or with fellow practitioner of your favorite hobby), you may find that some individuals are just not worth your full attention. One easy, and rather definitive way to deal with the problem is to use the /ignore command that allows your IRC client to filter incoming messages from those people, and you just never see them again… quite literally.

However, just /ignoring someone is rude, and may prevent you from keeping a eye on them. You know, the “keep your friends close, your enemies closer” kind of thing.

A long time ago, with a friend, I wrote a mIRC script that shaded the “ignored” people’s text so that it was hard to read (like dark gray on blue), but the text was still available. To view the text, you could either squint or select the text. This week, I present a python version of that script, for XChat, based on the work of Albert W. Hopkins, a.k.a. Marduk, released under the GPL.

XChat lets you plug-in your script in Perl, Python or Tcl. I personally favor Python, but that’s off-topic for now. Xchat’s Python plug-in interface lets you add hook to trap events and process them. To write a plug-in that traps messages and filter them according to their originators (in IRC parlance, ‘nicks’), we must first decide what will be the command names. Since what I’m doing is a soft version of /ignore, I’ll call them:

• /soft-ignore nick to add nick to the soft ignore list,
• /soft-unignore nick to remove nick from the soft ignore list,
• /soft-ignore-list to list the nicks on the soft ignore list.

Once we’re decided on the command names, we add them to XChat’s commands and create a hook on channel messages:

xchat.hook_command('soft-ignore', add_soft_ignore)
xchat.hook_command('soft-ignore-list', soft_ignore_list)
xchat.hook_command('soft-unignore', delete_soft_ignore)

# here we wanna hook in to the channel message event
xchat.hook_print("Channel Message", ignore_message)

We will have to provide, from the Python program, the functions we just enumerated. The first three are somewhat non-interesting since it consist in adding, removing, etc., and item from a list. In Marduk original version, the list structure was overloaded, but I removed it and replaced it by a basic Python list. The list is automagically saved into a database placed in $HOME/.xchat2/soft-ignore.conf. The functions to add, remove or list soft ignored names also print informative messages if the list is empty or if you add a nick that’s already in the list.

Marduk’s original code was also meant to highlight the incoming message (i.e., make something special to make it noticeable) whenever it was coming from someone whose nick was on the list. I try to do the exact opposite, low-keying messages from buggers.

I also decided to include Perl Compatible Regular Expressions to the match as well. At first, I thought of merely using DOS-style wildcards but Python’s regexp engine supports only PCREs. So, instead of writing a DOS-to-PCRE regexp converter, I decided to just use PCRE. Regexp support is convenient if you want to filter someone what keep changing its nick depending on his status (you know, those Dude_at_work, Dude_shower, Dude_brsh_teeth,…).

The code looks like this:

def ignore_message(word, word_eol, userdata):
    nick = remove_color(word[0]).lower() # skips the initial coloring
    if ([p for p in nicks if re.match('^'+p+'$',nick,re.IGNORECASE)] or
        word[1][0]=='~'): # to filter an annoying bot in the channel
        #should be more or less like the normal 'Channel Message' display
        xchat.prnt('\x0314 <%s>\t%s' % (nick,word[1]))
        return xchat.EAT_XCHAT
    else:
        return xchat.EAT_NONE

And, if you are familiar with XChat Python scripting—which I still not am—you may ask yourself why I didn’t rather use:

    if nick in [x.lower() for x in nicks]:
        xchat.emit_print('Channel Message',nick, color_codes+word[1] )
        return xchat.EAT_XCHAT

to change the colors. The problem with this second version of the code, is that for a message to appear normally in the XChat window as a normal message, it must be resent to XChat using the xchat.emit_print function. But xchat.emit_print doesn’t just print the message normally, it re-feeds to XChat so that more scripts can be applied to it. So, yes, you guessed right: more scripts, in my case, means that my script gets called again because I have a hook on Channel Messages. The original code did not have this problem because it returned a Channel Msg Hilight which is not the type of message trapped, therefore XChat would eventually use its default Channel Msg Hilight hook and do its thing.

The shaded lines are from soft-ignored user. Note also that commands begining by ~ are also soft-ignored.

However, I haven’t found a way of telling XChat to process that message just one and then just proceed to its normal display, without further script intervention. Maybe there’s a way, maybe I haven’t looked in the right places, I just haven’t found it. So instead of re-emitting the message, I print it as a general string using xchat.prnt and \t for the separator (prnt is misspelled to avoid clashing with print a reserved keyword in Python).

I suppose that the correct way of doing this would have been to reuse another event and re-emit the buggers’ messages as this type of event. If I would have re-emitted the message as, say, a Channel Part event, it would have printed the same as the message you get when you part a channel. Even better would have been to add a new event, say Channel Soft Ignored, and defines its properties correctly in the Settings->Advanced->Text Event dialog, so it would pretty-print just like everything else in XChat. Unfortunately, events are hard-wired and you cannot add one without, I would guess, hacking XChat itself and recompiling everything. Sad thing, because it would have sufficed to offer users Channel Custom Message 1 to Channel Custom Message 9, and let scripts use them.

*
* *

The whole source:

# This program is free software; you can redistribute it and/or modify
# it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
# the Free Software Foundation; either version 2 of the License, or
# (at your option) any later version.
#
# This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
# but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
# MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.  See the
# GNU Library General Public License for more details.
#
# You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
# along with this program; if not, write to the Free Software
# Foundation, Inc., 59 Temple Place - Suite 330, Boston, MA 02111-1307, USA.

# Copyright (C) 2009 Steven Pigeon,
#
# based on earlier version by
#
# Copyright (C) 2004 Marduk Enterprises <marduk@python.net>
#
# minor fixes (in addition to changing message type from
# msg highlight to local console print)
#

import xchat
import gdbm
import os

from itertools import dropwhile
import string
import re

__module_name__ = 'soft-ignore'
__module_version__ = '0.95'
__module_description__ = """With this plug-in, you can prevent some people
from getting your attention."""

DBFILE = os.environ['HOME'] + '/.xchat2/soft-ignore.conf'
SEPARATOR=''

xchat.prnt('%(name)s, version %(version)s' % {'name': __module_name__,
    'version': __module_version__})

# loads the database
db = gdbm.open(DBFILE,'c')
try:
    nicks = db['soft-ignore'].split(SEPARATOR)
except KeyError:
    db['soft-ignore'] = ''
    nicks = []

# this function strops the colors
# from the nicknames in a safe(r) fashion
def remove_color( nick ):
    # 0 is x3
    # then follows 1 or 2 numbers
    return "".join(list(dropwhile( lambda x : x.isdigit(), nick[1:] )))

# commit changes to database
#
def save_nicks():
    nicks.sort()
    db['soft-ignore'] = SEPARATOR.join(nicks)

# adds a pattern/nick to the list, and
# prints the list if no pattern/nick is
# supplied.
#
def add_soft_ignore(word, word_eol, userdata):
    if len(word) == 1:
        return soft_ignore_list(word, word_eol, userdata)
    for nick in word[1:]:
        if nick not in nicks:
            try:
                re.compile(nick)
            except:
                xchat.prnt('\x032* \x034 %s \x032 is not a valid PCRE' % nick)
            else:
                nicks.append(nick)
                xchat.prnt('\x032* %s will be soft-ignored' % nick)
        else:
            xchat.prnt('\x032* %s is already being soft-ignored' % nick)
        save_nicks()
    return xchat.EAT_XCHAT

# shows soft-ignore-list
#
def soft_ignore_list(word, word_eol, userdata):
    xchat.prnt('\x032Current soft-ignore-list: %d soft-ignored.' % len(nicks) )
    for nick in nicks:
        xchat.prnt('\x032 --- %s' % nick)
    xchat.prnt('\x032* End of soft-ignore list')
    return xchat.EAT_XCHAT

# removes a pattern/nick from the list
# or prints a colorful error if pattern/nick
# is not in the list
#
def delete_soft_ignore(word, word_eol, userdata):
    for nick in word[1:]:
        if nick in nicks:
            nicks.remove(nick)
            xchat.prnt('\x032* %s is removed from soft-ignore list' % nick)
        else:
            xchat.prnt('\x032* \x034 %s \x032 is not in soft-ignore list' % nick)
    save_nicks()
    return xchat.EAT_XCHAT

# filter message according to pattern/nicks
#
def ignore_message(word, word_eol, userdata):
    nick = remove_color(word[0]).lower() # skips the initial coloring
    if ([p for p in nicks if re.match('^'+p+'$',nick,re.IGNORECASE)] or
        word[1][0]=='~'):
        #should be more or less like the normal 'Channel Message' display
        xchat.prnt('\x0314 <%s>\t%s' % (nick,word[1]))
        return xchat.EAT_XCHAT
    else:
        return xchat.EAT_NONE

xchat.hook_command('soft-ignore', add_soft_ignore)
xchat.hook_command('soft-ignore-list', soft_ignore_list)
xchat.hook_command('soft-unignore', delete_soft_ignore)

# here we wanna hook in to the channel message event
xchat.hook_print("Channel Message", ignore_message)

To install it, it suffice to copy it in $HOME/.xchat2/. XChat should detect it and load it automagically. If not, use the Windows->Plugins and Scripts dialog to load it. Then you’re all set.

Hoe komt het toch dat het steeds in de zwarte was is dat er ergens een papieren zakdoek blijft steken, zijn gehele wezen in kruimels verspreidt en in de kleinste details blijft kleven aan al wat mee in de trommel zat?!

Kan weer beginnen prutsen

KBO – Keep buggering on (what on earth was Churchill thinking of when coining the acronym). Or as, no doubt, my dear sweet professor would say “keep blogging on”. If only he would.

It is a bugger to be emotionally taken by a gay guy. I myself don’t care; let’s bend any which way.

Still, truth be told: If I were a man I might have the edge. Beloved old friend and alpha male of mine has no time for me on this one. Neither do my son, my father, my brother. That’s ok guys, there are more ways than one to draw a straight line across a wonderful friendship.

On other matters, and I have been told that this is not as funny as I think it is: I have learnt that members of my wider family think me quite mad and at least one wants me certified (I don’t know whether they have yet voted for a guardian). Can’t wait till Felix is 18, of age as it were, and see to my welfare, legally.

I am desperate, so very desperate. In more ways than one. Those are the wonders of the bland world of the internet: You stand in your wood, you shout – and then you wait: For an Echo.

Something, anything.

U

and then you delete.

Have you ever worried that, no matter how hard you try, you’ll just never be racist enough? Well, you’re in luck. As it turns out, you’ve been unconsciously using racial slurs your entire life! Slurs like…

Ondanks het tijdens de voorbije tien arbeidsjaren doorploeterd hebben van een handvol akkefietjes die het meer dan voldoende zouden gerechtvaardigd hebben, had ik het tot op de dag van vandaag, wellicht om orthodox plichtsgetrouwe redenen, nooit eerder gedaan, het opnemen van familiaal verlof.

Voor alles moet een eerste keer zijn, dus bleef ik thuis voor Zieke Lena.

Maar. Maar. Maar.
Hebben ze dat familiaal verlof toch wel niet afgeschaft zeker!?
Het bestaat blijkbaar niet meer, sedert we veranderd zijn van cao.

Bugger!

“Hoezo?! Jij bent toch thuisgebleven?! Hoe doe je dat dan?!”
Goede vraag!
(neen, serieus, het internet, ze moesten dat ook afschaffen, dan had ik vandaag niet kunnen werken maar bijvoorbeeld wel met Lena kunnen spelen en de was kunnen ophangen en een dutje kunnen doen, awoert voor het internet)

Well, times are pretty tough at the moment. Okay – very tough. Very, very tough – but what can you do?

Me – it is all a course of bad luck and judgement. Things I can learn from – if I get the chance!

It started in 2005/6 when our house move turned to muck due to very poorly managed solicitors and estate agents. We lost deposits and houses left right and centre. Pure idiocy on behalf of the parties dealing with us. In the end I had to stand over the managers to get anything done, but by then we had lost a lot of money, and house prices had shot up. The trouble is, our sale had been agreed, so the sale price was frozen.

That ate all the savings – but taught me some major lessons.

After that I had to leave my career working on aircraft because of a circulation issue in my hands. That meant a career change that really needed to start on the salary I had built up to already… A tough one, but doable, as I had always tried to learn new things alongside, or outside of work. My management and quality skills got me into an office job, and a year later my circulation problem was getting much better, so I moved on to a managerial role that had some hands on engineering as well – all gradually building my new career base up and hopefully salary scale.

Things started to pick up, and other tasks I took on helped out. You have to keep fighting and building up your protection, skills etc.

Now it got to a point where it looked like I could start building up savings again. Due to the house move and career change I had been reduced to almost living payday to payday. It was just a stage. Head down, keep going, fight the good fight.

Then the latest bombshells hit (see previous two blog posts  Here and Here). This has really screwed things up in a very major way. From finally getting to a point where we were rebuilding our finances and even looking to the future and sending Alex to private school, to the darkest place I have yet been.

It reminds me of the saying: “A domestic dog is one missed meal away from being a wild dog” (or something like that). Either way, it’s just a matter of days that can turn a life around.

A small chain of events that hit all at the same time.

Still, it is all part of this thing called life. If you can keep your head in circumstances like this, then you can learn from them and be stronger next time.

If you don’t learn from these circumstances, then why not? If the poop hits the fan and you get covered in muck, are you really going to let it happen again? I really hope next time you at least learn to take an umbrella with you!

As for now, I’m just trying to keep a clear head and carry out damage limitation…and learn how to either avoid or deal with it if it happens again.