Ben and I had come up with a way to make our regular hikes in Seoul a little more exciting. Each station has a number allocated to them, so what we did was used those numbers to decide where to go. For the generation of our numbers we used a 12 sided dice. The results so far, have been based around the Han river. Something that we’d specifically been trying to get away from.

Jamwon wasn’t exactly close to the Han (nothing really is) but we did end up walking along it and along untrodden ground, and filling in the grey areas that of ground seen, but not covered per se.

I guess the more times I do this sort of thing, the more blasé I get about the whole process of taking photographs. I mean, nothing pegs out my weird-freak-o-meter any more. Walking through Jamwon we discovered it well established, with all the ammenities at hand.

I would have to say that crossing the two-tiered bridge (반포대교) was the most interesting part of the journey. It was colourfull, curved and unusual.

After crossing that bridge, we saw some cops trying to catch traffic violators on camera. So I caught them on my camera. I didn’t think they minded.

Onwards to Yongsan, and by my veto, we walked through some of the more delapidated areas. Ben told me that there had been some riots over surrendering real estate to developers. To which the government, sided with the developers resulting in a rather notable ruckus.

After reaching Yongsan we settled in for some beer sipping and snack munching, all the while fending off bums. This particular one had a shaved head, and perhaps was a monk. I say this because in all the time he worked the area where we sat he didn’t utter a word. To Ben and I, this situation wasn’t new, so we decided to play a game of statues. Ben cast his eyes down, while I naïvely gazed ahead. I had this silly smirk on my face, and the bum though not talking, used gestures amounting to motioning an outstretch palm about the place. The giggles became laughter, and soon the belly laughter was unstoppable. We were lucky that bum/ monk had since gone while Ben and I continued our lapse into insanity for about 5 minutes. Looking at us, Koreans must have perceived foreigners as a little bit stranger that day.

I go to Bums, Tums and Thighs gym classes for an efficient workout, not to master the art of dancing. Therefore, I can’t understand why an instructor wants to spend 15 minutes of an hour-long class (which she was already 12 minutes late for) teaching us complicated dance-y steps. They were too difficult but even worse, not much of a workout for my body although my brain was whirring trying to keep up. Just get on with it. We’re not kids – we’re not going to run away if you keep it simple but challenging.

Having said that, the second half of the class was admirably tough. I had alot of trouble coping with the leg lifts (just couldn’t lift very much cos’ I still have thunder thighs). I managed to do most of the crunches – they come in all forms… crunches with legs in the air, crunches with legs stretched out, elbows to the sky not the side. I can feel these small changes working different parts of my abs.

Oh and I got punished again today… apparently, for standing around with hands on hips while the instructor was changing the CD. 10 push-ups. Easy enough and water off a duck’s back.

Weight: 96.4/212 lbs
Time left: 25 weeks

 11:59 pm

I’d Like the Corpse Kabob Please, Hold the Testicles – MOSCOW -  If you’ve ever eaten weird foods from around the world you know that there are all kinds of funky flavors and textures that come across as totally gross.  With this being the case, the first thing that enters your mind after taking a bite of something exotic might be, ”what the hell is this?”  If you were sitting in the Peking Gourmet Asian/American Buffet, you might think that crunch in your General Tso was a cat claw.  On the other hand, if you were munching on a late night gyro bought from the Middle Eastern  man’s  corner store and wondered what the hell you were eating, you might think  the tasty pink flesh is monkey meat.   But if you were in Russia, would you think the balls of meat grilled on a metal stick were from a dead dude?  Maybe.

Russian police have arrested three nut cases who they believed ate a 25-year-old man whom they butchered, barbequed, then sold the remaining parts to a local shish kebab and burrito house.   The jig was finally up when charred body parts were found near a bus stop around the corner from the restaurant.  All three bums had previous criminal records and a history of mental illness.  “After knocking the guy senseless with a hammer, they cooked him, ate him and sold what was left to a kiosk selling kebabs and tacos,” the Prosecutor-General said. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091116/od_nm/us_cannibals)

It was not immediately clear from the statement if any of the corpses had reached the homes of customers, but some said their meat had a little wang to it, while others said it tasted like nuts. 

God, I fucking hate people who hang out at the OTB.

Hey, guys – notice who’s not there?

WINNERS. RICH PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO ARE SMILING AND LAUGHING AND HAPPY.

Oh.

AND WOMEN.

Holy Secretariat’s nutsack, people. Look at yourselves. Your faces look like weathered baseball mitts and Jack O’Lanterns in late November. The average age inside any OTB is somewhere between 59 and deathbed. When I walk by the OTB in my neighborhood, to do something productive like drop a Netflix in the mailbox or buy some scotch, I have to wade through a sea of depleted humanity that’s like swimming against a tidal wave. Why are there so many of you? How do you organize? Do you really think that trifecta at Pimlico is going to come through? When did you go from looking at the actual numbers to just picking horses by name? 1989? 1990? You are failing. It’s not working. It’s fun when you have money to waste on a horse because the name reminds you of your ex-wife, and you have plenty of scratch to blow. But when it’s your unemployment check? You should save the money you’re going to burn and walk down the street a few steps. Buy a sandwich and some coffee, and maybe a paper. Look at the job listings. Good fucking lord.

There was a 30 for 30 documentary on ESPN recently about Jimmy the Greek. Aside from his football prognostications, he was quite the pony player. But at some point, he basically says that anybody who thinks they have a system to win at the track is lying, because it’s too unpredictable.

Does that make any sense? Does that hit home? A guy named JIMMY THE FUCKING GREEK, who was so good at predicting the outcome of future endeavors that CBS hired him and PUT HIM ON TV EVERY GODDAMN SUNDAY TO TALK ABOUT THE COUNTRY’S MOST POPULAR SPORT WITH A FORMER MISS AMERICA, BASED MOSTLY ON THE FACT THAT HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO GET AWAY WITH A NAME LIKE ‘JIMMY THE GREEK,’ said flat-out that playing the ponies is a pointless pursuit.

But it’s addicting. Sure, I get that. I imbibe in many addictive activities. But let’s look at your company: see any members of the opposite sex around? When was the last time a woman with an address and a checking account wandered into the OTB? I’m going to say … never.

I know you don’t have many options. Some sort of big payday seems enticing. Fine. But you’re not playing the odds – the odds are playing you.

Wait, I take that back – the odds are fucking you in the ass.

Weighed myself on our Salter MiBody scale. My weight is 97.2 kg (was 97 kg last week) but my fat percentage has dropped. Last week, my body fat percentage was 37.1 and now it’s 36.7.

I suppose that’s good news!

But I’m concerned my weight isn’t shifting more. This probably has something to do with my diet because I am working out regularly.

This week, we had really lean roast beef – no fat layers on it. We also threw out all the skin from our roast chicken (which we bake using olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic so quite simple). Normally, we consume most of the chicken skin but have stopped since learning that it contains 50% of the fat in a chicken and really, isn’t worth it!

Hope this makes a difference.

The other thing I’ve changed is my workout routine. I was working out almost everyday (either 40 min cardio at gym or a gym class), and I suspected that I was struggling to cope during the classes because I felt my mucles hadn’t recuperated fully before the next class.

So now, I’m not going to workout every single day. I’m planning to go for a tough gym class every other day, and in between make sure I take walks and maintain a healthy diet.

It’s tough because I feel really motivated and want to hit the gym everyday if I can. Can’t even begin to tell you how unusual that is for me!

So yesterday was Monday and I went for the Bums, Tums and Thighs class from hell again. Surprisingly, it went by really quickly and I coped much, much better. Either it’s because I was mentally prepared for what was to come or I’m getting stronger…or a bit of both.

Stats:-

Weight – 97.2kg
Body Fat – 36.7%
Hips – 45 in
High Waist – 35 in

I’m doing this a day early because I have some free time and there is no way that the Browns are going to win tonight. Thems the breaks. I’ll tally my record later but again, it is atrocious. Picks….

Dolphins (4-5)/ Panthers (4-5)- Thursday night game…fuck off. Dolphins.

Steelers (6-3)/ Chiefs (2-7)- I’ve been taking classes at Otterbein and lemme tell you something… that shit compared to OSU is like this game. There are no bums at Otterbein and there are no bums on the Steelers team. That organization is some nice shit. Chiefs are run down, piss stained High St. They suck. It could be I’m a jaded asshole from working on High St. for a zillion years but seriously? It’s a dump ass wasteland.

Browns (1-8)/ Lions (1-8)- this is the High St bum. Somedays, when I have feelings, I think these guys get a bad rap. Then someone will take a shit in the stairwell of work and all bets are off. This game will be on my shitty tv. I’m off on Sunday. I’m going to cave my own skull in. Lions?

Saints (9-0)/ Buccaneers (1-8)-  Again, dumpy team plays a killer team. If this were a movie, it would be Beauty and the Beast with the ending of a suicide. Scratch that,  I was watching the news today and they interviewed that lady who had her face ripped off by a chimp. That is as fucked up as this game. That lady has to live without hands, eyes, and a face for the rest of her life.  The Bucs will be around forever as well, at least until 2012, when we all will die. Saints.

Falcons (5-4)/ Giants (5-4)- two teams that need a win. Remember those horny ass nerds in high school that would lie about ignorant ass shit to try and impress a girl? They needed laid or beat up. Throw that geek a fuck or beat the shit out of him to shut him up. Giants get laid, Falcons get beat up.

Bills (3-6)/ Jaguars (5-4)- this game has as much implication on the NFL as the Octo-mom has on real life. FML. FNFL. Jaguarssss muuuuuuurrrrrrrddddaaahhh.

49ers (4-5) Packers (5-4)- TWO TEAMS FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIVES LIKE THEY TERMINAL. PACKERS.

Seahaws (3-6)/ Vikings (8-1)- why is this game happening? Vikings.

Colts (9-0)/ Ravens (5-4)- some dumb ass reporter will bring up the rivalry from like WWII when the Colts left Baltimore for Indianapolis. Shut the fuck up. No one was even alive then to care. Colts.

Redskins (3-6)/ Cowboys (6-3)- Cowboys v. Indians again! Let’s ditch these stereotypes or introduce a Taliban themed team. Cowboys.

Cardinals (6-3)/ Rams (1-8)- CHHHHRRRIIIISTTT,this game is more annoying than “Beat Michigan” week. Cards.

Bengals (7-2)/ Raiders (2-7)- good news non-cable havers- this will be the second game on Channel 10. THIS IS WHAT I CAN LOOK FORWARD TO. My Sunday is the equivalent of going to a palm reader and them telling me I have AIDS or in other words, being in the new Final Destination Infinity: Real Life Shit.

Chargers (6-3)/ Broncos (6-3)- a decent game with divisional implications. I would watch it but Cinci is playing and it will be aired instead of this game. I’m going Chargers because I’m real good at making bad choices.

Jets (4-5)/ Patriots (6-3)- slob v slob mastermind aka battle of ill fitting clothed men with lumpy bodies (nh). Pats.

Eagles (5-4)/ Bears (4-5)- I saw this .gif of Cutler getting hit in the face by a ref on accident. It was really funny. That dude… goddamn, I do not like him kinda like I don’t like my neighbor because he looks like Pete Wentz. Eagles.

Titans (3-6)/ Texans (5-4)- I don’t want to write about this but I expect the Texans to shred the Titans.

I just finished reading Augusten’s newest:

I was expecting really big things out of this book, and to be honest, I was a little disappointed. The first few essays were about Augusten’s childhood and were admittedly chuckle-worthy. They involved a life-sized wax Santa with a half-eaten face and a gingerbread public housing unit. But as the book progressed, the stories became more and more melancholy. He described his drunk Christmas spent with bums in New York City, and an affair with a fat French Santa.

Overall, the book lacked Augusten’s usual sharp wit and eye for hilarious details. I wouldn’t recommend spending $21.99 on the hardcover version. With my Barnes and Noble member’s card it was $18 and some change, still a little steep. Maybe it’ll be out in paperback next year.

If you’re in the mood for a little holiday absurdity, I recommend reading “Holidays on Ice” by David Sedaris. The best part is, you can buy it used on Amazon for $1.89.

So I went to another Bums, Tum and Thighs class. Different instructor from the class on Monday – more aerobics/dance in the first half than Monday’s class. I found it a little easier to cope although I’m not very good at following those complicated aerobic steps and the instructor didn’t seem very interested in going over the moves slowly first (probably cos’ the other participants seemed to know the routine).

At one point, the instructor made me do pushups as a punishment because presumably she thought I was slacking off. Didn’t appreciate it and it didn’t really make me work any harder.

Anyway, I had a good workout but I still found doing those leg presses (you know, the scissor movements with the leg) quite painful, with a sharp burn. I’m wondering if I’m giving my body enough time to recover between workouts.

Did learn about 6 different ways to work out the abs though – hope I feel the burn tomorrow, or it feels like a bit of a waste!

It’s Sunday tomorrow and think I’ll have a day off and see if I can fully recover before Monday’s gruelling Bums, Tums and Thighs class.

Weight today: 97.2 kg

Gained 200 grams. Hah!

Today, I did 40 minutes of cardio workout, quite possible the longest I have ever done in a gym setting.

Rowing: 5 minutes
Elliptical Trainer: 15 minutes (with HIIT)
Treadmill: 20 minutes (also with HIIT)

HIIT is High Intensity Interval Training – more info here.

I was still hurting from Monday’s mad Abs, Bums and Thighs class but I felt fine after the 40 minutes of cardio. Absolutely exhilarating actually. When I started working out a month ago, I could just about do 12 minutes without feeling worn out and totally bored.

Now, the HIIT routine keeps my workout interesting. I switch between machines to add variety. I have some headphones now (thank you Air Canada – your customer service sucks but your universal headphones are very handy!) so I watch TV. There was a game show on today – something about golden balls and lying to your fellow contestants – and it had me hooked.

And… I’ve started setting short-term goals when I work out. I start by setting a 5 minutes goal. When I reach 5 minutes, I say I could easily go to 7 minutes, then 10 minutes then 12 minutes and 15 minutes and even 20 minutes. This has made a HUGE difference to my attitude towards working out.

Came home and had a nice dinner of leftover biryani, asparagus, cherry tomatoes and small lamb steaks. A little heavy, I know. We are still working on cutting the carbs out after 6 pm (but it’s not always easy to plan for).

After dinner I felt peckish so I had a tsp of crunchy peanut butter. Heaven…

Weight: 97.5 kg/214.9 lbs
Hips: 45 in
Waist: 34.5 in

1- O Brasil não é mais subdesenvolvido

2- Se você chegar na praia do Rio de Janeiro não vai encontrar macacos pulando na praia

3- Morte a assaltos a estrangeiros não são tão comuns assim

4- Música brasileira não se resume somente a samba e funk

5- Brasileiros não são anti-higiênicos, para ser mais honesto, nós tomamos banhos em média 3 vezes ao dia

6- Brasil não é SÓ praia, procurem visitar o interior Brasileiro também, aposto que vão gostar, muito mesmo

7- NOSSA CAPITAL NÃO SE CHAMA BUENOS AIRES, É BRASÍLIA, B-R-A-S-Í-L-I-A !

Pronto, agora podemos prosseguir postando coisas interessante

Pop Quiz! Which of the following can’t be trusted?

a) Your peers in a heavily competitive class that’s graded on a curve.
b) The hobos around Berkeley
c) The A/C Transit buses
d) Weather forecasts about Berkeley
e) All of the above

Got an answer? Cool. Let’s figure out how you scored.

If you picked a), you are probably a Haashole, or in the hard sciences, or incredibly jaded.

If you picked b), you have probably seen the bum that surfs Internet on his laptop only moments after pissing in the bushes

If you picked c), this has probably happened to you. [Click]

If you picked d), you have probably walked out of your apartment dressed in a T-shirt and shorts when it was bright and sunny, only to be soaked by the rain on the way back (or pelted by hail on the way to class).

And lastly, if you picked e), you are probably a dinosaur that has been around Berkeley too long and needs to graduate soon.

I hate Berkeley weather. I hate Berkeley rain. I hate Berkeley transit. That’s why two of my favorite Facebook groups are:

I tried to ford Sproul and my fucking oxen died (Fuck Berkeley Rain)

Waiting for the 51 is like Waiting for Godot

3/365.

Nick and I were standing outside of Brewer’s Art, last Thursday evening.  A guy (whom I think was a cook that worked there) was outside catching some of the baseball world series on his phone.  This guy starts talking to us about this game and Nick is talking back to him, saying something about the Yankees needing to be beat and how good the pitcher was in the game the previous night.  I was impressed!  The same guy whom I can relate to on some pretty gay things that we both enjoy had watched TV specifically made for “real” men.  So we leave the cook and go back into the bar.  I said “Nick, you were pretty good out there spitting all that baseball knowledge, I’m impressed.”  Nick responds “I only know about it because they talked about the game today on the View.”  I’m pretty sure I laughed for about 5 minutes straight.

Also, while standing outside, we were approached by some guy who claimed he needed money to get back to Germantown.  When he said “Germantown” I thought he said “John McCain.”  I thought this guy was trying to introduce himself as the former presidential candidate!  Would have made the story a little better, but that’s not what he was saying.  He did go into the same old song and dance every swindler uses, which was that he had “just gotten out of the hospital” and needed to get a lift back home.  Why is every money beggar fresh out of the hospital?  At least if you’re going to make up a lie to get money, make it colorful!  I’d be more likely to shell out dough to someone who put more effort into their story.  Or you could tell the truth, which is that “hospital” is really methadone clinic and “Germantown” is really the closest liquor store in walking distance.  Needless to say, this man got nothing from me but disappointment.  (And I’d also like to note that a fellow bar patron offered him a ride back to Germantown, which he refused.  So you need my money…why?  Ugh.)

Quip of the week:
Kiersten:  “This pretzel has so much butter on it I can feel my arteries closing!”
Me:  “Hopefully your legs aren’t far behind.”

    The rain lightly drizzles as I pulled up on the parking lot.  An older gentleman stands outside.    I am not sure how long he must have been on the front entrance of China harbor but long enough to get soaked.  I slowly walked up and he immediately approaches me for some change and with a very small promise, I said I ‘might’ after I get my order.     

     I felt so blessed.  I thought how unfortunate for him to beg for dinner while I complain on how I did not want to cook dinner.   A man his age, nor any individual for this matter, should not worry where his or her next meal will be nor asks random passersby for money. 

     After a few minutes of waiting, my order was finally ready for pick up.  I thanked the lady behind the counter and I got back with some small change.  I put the small paper bills in my pocket  and thought twice of the half dollars I had on my palm.  I stepped, out to what just a few minutes ago a drizzle, to now heavier pelts of rain drops.   I stand underneath the awning with the homeless man, and I slowly proceed to hand him the change I half-heartedly promised.  Slowly I reached out to his hand when all of a sudden he reached into his jacket and held up his pointing finger at me signaling me to hold.  He had the audacity to put it me on hold while he answers his cell phone.    I thought WTF.  Did he just pull out a ‘side slide cell phone’!? 

Me:  Sir you need to put your dealer in the phone on hold.

 Homeless Man:  Hold up what?

Me:  I want my fitty back!

Homeless Man:  (laughs at me like I’m crazy)  Why you want it back?

Me:  Because you have a cell phone and I want my money back.

Homeless Man:  Well you ain’t getting it back.  This ain’t no refund deal.

Me:  Well yes it is if you’re going to  use it to buy crack or use my money to buy minutes for your cell phone!

Homeless Man:  (nothing)

     I walk away.  But I turned around I hold my two fingers up on  a peace sign but points to my eyes and back to him.  Oh yeah that’s right I’m watching you!

i have never really given it a good long thought… but really, am i a tits girl or an ass girl? really… you hear guys all the time… legs… tits… ass… but do i even know what my top priority is?! well right now i am feeling conflicted… i just went for my lunch break (on which i tanned, got my boots fixed and shopped… nothing lunchy about it…) and while buzzing around downtown i caught myself staring at asses! big ones, small ones, dressy ones, lulu ones, designer jean bums and hobo bums. ha ha nix that last one… i wasnt staring at hobo bums  ; ) lol

I have always thought myself to be boobs boobs boobs… but more and more i have been butt concious… hmm… a change? Perhaps because i have been focused on that area at the gym? but could i really be “over” the legendary rack…? (that, btw… is becoming less and less legendary as i slim down… *fuming*) LOL.

Its hard to say… i cant really choose! I read some magazine that did a poll and the majority of men chose A over T! … i wonder what the majority of women are… probably all about the titties i would say…

For now I am a botty girl… especially in these tight black jeans… maybe my focus will shift back once i get back into a push up bra. ; )

First Night

Alone that is. Well without someone else at work other than the guests, the bums, the hobos, the homeless, the street-walker, the whores, the prostitutes, the police, and oh you can’t forget the drunks. To be fair most of the drunks are actually wearing very little which isn’t all bad.

Of course I’m alone… it is night shift, which means more time for my own thoughts and the same repetitive songs playing over the stereo. Added to that is some insane drive to read through almost 10 years of a daily webcomic I’ve been reading for at least 8 years. Basically it all adds to a drop in motivation and productivity.

But over time if you compare my recent productivity, it hasn’t decreased all that much because I simply haven’t been all that productive. 200 pages and I’m stuck.

But not completely out of ideas. One such is my newly created attempts to classify the homeless around the hostel . I figure if I’m able to study the genesis of the bums then I myself will be better at bumming once I truly become a bum. I have stopped shaving already, and the little hair that grows is patchy and uneven. Perfect for that, just rolled out of box look.

Problem is that I may simply just be confused for another vampire that overnight shifts turn people into. Since I’ll be pale, and who ever sees a pale bum? Or an albino one for that matter. I figure natural selection either imbues albinos with a superior intelligence which enables them to keep from falling into the dredges of society or that their natural lack of coloring actually acts as a form of camouflage.

It works on the principle that there’s nothing there to cover up, so when they are covered if dirt and grime all we actually see is dirt and grime, rather than beady little red eyes.

I went to complete my application for food stamps today, still relatively sick and recovering from the acid. I woke up around 11, took a shower, and got ready to go. Michelle and Danielle are still not talking to me, nor I to them. It’s kind of awkward, but I didn’t really enjoy conversation with either of them in the first place, so in a way it’s liberating.  T’was all bullshit that I either didn’t give a fuck about, or found boring, or had heard them say tons of times before. Working on being more positive. So, I left the dorm at about 1 and walked to Panera. It was way too crowded. Walked to Starbucks–not crowded at all. I bought the first real food I’ve consumed since I got sick: a ridiculously expensive egg salad sandwich and  $3 orange juice. It was decent. Went to the bathroom. Then my dangerous journey began.

Walked to the bus stop. I was scared as fuck to go to 70 E 21st Street. Near South Side.  I had to take the 29 bus to 95th, Red Line. At the bus stop across from my dorm, a hispanic man tried to make conversation with me. I try and make my conversations with strangers as impersonal and short as possible. I nod my head as much as I can as opposed to saying anything. “That was the 62 to Archer bus, right?” He asked. I nodded my head. ‘Thank God, 29 Red Line is next, I’d be so pissed if I missed that bus! Nice day isn’t it?” I nodded my head. We both got on the bus. I sat next to an older, white, European-looking woman. He sat across from me. “Did you see the game?” The same man asked a black man sitting near me. I couldn’t see him. “What game?” replied his raspy-as-hell voice. “Oh, the Yankee game! They’re going to the world series! I saw your NY Yankee’s hat.” The men on the bus, mostly black with the exception of the hispanic? man, all began to talk sports. Soon after, two CPD got on the bus. I breathed a fat sigh of relief at that point. More conversation ensued. The cops happened to know some people on the bus. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked to my left at an old black man. He pointed at my OJ, which was halfway falling out of my pocket. “Thanks,” I said, sweetly as I could, and shoved it back in. We went past Roosevelt, 14th street, the cops got off at 18th street. I had to get off soon. The area still looked pretty gentrified. I got off at Cullerton/State, and quickly as I could, walked up State toward 21st street. It looked like a neighborhood that used to be bad. There was new development alongside older buildings with chained windows. There were still some shady characters walking around, but for the most part, I felt relatively safe. Probably more tough customers around than kids like me, though. I didn’t like being alone. 21st street was about half a block up from Cullerton, so I found it fast and turned left. There was a gangsta-looking man walking parallel to me on the other side of the street. I passed Wabash. As I came nearer to the DHS building, I passed a young black woman in a hooded sweatshirt. I finally saw the door, sanctuary. I was there. Thank the fucking lord. I halfway survived in the near South Side.

After my appointment, I walked briskly back to the bus stop, feeling pretty good. I passed a CPD car and a few pedestrians. Turned the corner and as I reached the bus stop, sat down on the bench. At the stop across from me was another young white woman, a student, probably. I waited as the cars drove by, wondering when the damn bus would arrive. I examined the brand new condo building diagonal from the bus stop. Red brick and painted black steel. Subway on the first floor, retail space available for lease. Looks nice. Nothing wrong with gentrification, really. It looks nice. A sleek black mustang convertible with a brown top drove past blasting loud-as-hell ambient music. Two interesting-looking black men were seated in it. So, one of them gets out and starts walking toward me and says something to me that I couldn’t decipher. Why me? Goddamn. Why can’t he go solicit that other white girl on the other side of the street? Fuck my life. Immediately I walk out of the bus stop, scared as hell. He was an obviously drugged, older black man. He starts talking to me. Joking. “Yeah, I had to get out of that car, the music was too loud!” I nod my head, mentally preparing to grab my mace. “Yeah, he was driving really dangerously, 90 mph, you ever have someone drive that fast?” I shake my head, no. Following my rule to say as little as possible. It was odd, I was waiting for him to mug me, or solicit me somehow, but he didn’t. He just kept talking to me. “It only takes one second for something to happen, something bad, and he was drinking.” He says. I’m waiting for him to pull out a knife or something.  He goes on about doing drugs or how he isn’t drinking or something. I say, “Yeah, that’s no good.” The Mustang had turned around on a side street and we saw it going in the opposite direction, back toward the South.  The driver pumps out a fist to the crazy man next to me, which he returns happily.  The car was still blasting the ambient bass music. “You only live once.” he says to me. “Yep, that’s true.” I say, wondering when the fucking bus is going to come. Finally it does. “Well there’s your bus,” he says, “God bless you,” and walks away. “Have a good one,” I say, and get the fuck on that bus.

Hey!

I’ve been commuting through to Glasgow the past couple of days, it’s a real drag. The weather has been getting progressively colder, wetter and darker. I’ve switched to my clear visor permenantly now and it’s a shame, the Summer is officially over…already.

Me and Blair washed out bikes at the weekend, Blair washing his to go in to winter storage, me washing it for the…3rd time this summer. It was MANKY. But the Bro’s got it sorted and it looked smashing. Wheels were gleaming, chain was slick and smooth.
I got up this morning, chucking it down and within 10 minutes my bike was as manky as it was before we washed it…it’s hard work this motorcycle lark.

Not to worry though, because in 2 weeks I am off to sunny Tenerife! Oh AYE!

Had a quick message from Leigh on the Kawasaki ER6 page saying I would be better suited to a scooter. It made me laugh, but maybe he’s right…could this be the end of all my worries!?

Watch out folks, YamYam’s going 2-stroke…

Keep coming back folks, it’s getting to the time of year when YY goes nuts with the post count!
Gordon

Not all kids in LA are obnoxious, bratty turds with fast cars and nicer phones than me. More than 10,000 of them sleep on the streets, in abandoned buildings, and other creative places. Sometimes they sleep on my front stoop, which actually gets kind of annoying and once I had to call the cops but that’s neither here nor there.

Thank God for Slash and friends! Slash (…and friends) are putting on a show Nov. 22 at Avalon in Hollywood to benefit LAYN – Los Angeles Youth Network, a non-profit that provides shelter, food and counseling for the abused, neglected and abandoned. Tickets to LAYN Rocks are kinda pricey, but it’s sure to have some worthwhile moments. Plus, it’s charity, so quit using the “but we’re in a recession!” excuse and take a moment to give a shit. LAYN Rocks features performances by:

Slash
Ozzy Osbourne (actually the site spells it Osborne, so it might be a different Ozzy altogether)
Chris Cornell
Billy Idol
Travis Barker
Andrew Stockdale of Wolfmother
Dave Navarro
Chester Bennington of Linkin Park
…and your host… George Lopez!

Im a bum, really. I wake up every morning when my eyes open, I go downstairs to make some coffee and watch my first 3 hours of Sportscenter. As Im doing that I usually download some music, try and beat my high score in brickbreaker, send out some emails and texts to touch base with my accomplices for the day and maybe doze off for a 45 minute power nap. Then Ill usually take a shower; shampoo and condition every other day, the downside to having a great head of hair. Ill meet up with a friend for lunch, fuck around for a few more hours, possibly have sex and watch more TV. Rinse and repeat. This was a fun life to lead back in the Summer months but now I find myself getting stoked for Monday only because of MNF and Gossip Girl- no homo.

My quarter life crisis has turned into me burning my savings account on fire, gaining 20 pounds and well… grooming a great head of hair. Ive allowed myself to believe Im going to be an Actor/Writer only because Im too lazy to get a job. Well maybe its not laziness, I can wake up tomorrow and be motivated but a job would be the furthest thing from my mind. The only thing that appeals to me would be to do what I do now but get paid for it. I would like to obtain a 3 series, nothing too extravagant, within the next 6 months. But I have no desire to make payments because that would require a commitment to a source of income other than my own hustle and unless I’m getting residuals from a Colgate commercial, I don’t think I’m ready. It is my goal to never wake up to an alarm clock again unless for something important like a wedding or like if I went to bed and I was dying for a Sausage McMuffin and a hash brown- Id set my alarm so I could make it to Mcds in time. Ari Gold said it best, “Making something out of yourself is fucking hard”. I’m a funny guy, I think maybe if cameras were to follow me around and someone would edit a full day down to a 30 minute episode minus commercials, people would laugh. Matter of fact, I know they would. My friends and I are groomed for a reality show or a written show based on our lives. When I speak of my pilot, that’s what its about. Sounds cliche but very, very hysterical. The situations we get ourselves into really are outrageously funny and I really believe if we sat down in front of the right people we can make it happen and it would be epic. The odds of that coming together are stacked against us but knowing the way we work, I truly believe that one day soon we will get our chance. With that said, its not really something you can tell your Dad when he asks what your doing with your life. “Yeah Dad, picture Curb your Enthusiasm meets Seinfeld meets a guy version of Sex and the City. Now take all that- add some Jack Daniels and more sex, more drugs and healthy mix of quality music and thats what we’re creating.  But don’t be worried, its brilliant and one day we will all be eating off of it” I should be pounding away at that but instead I just ate a few vicodins, turned on The NOTORIOUS BIG’s Life After Death and now Im blogging while my left hand is asleep.

I love this time of year- NFL is in full swing, my New York Yankees are back where they belong , it rained in L.A yesterday and I tried on a turtleneck. This is the time of year to shed your summertime swagger and find yourself a girl that you’re willing to wake up next to, often. I found mine, I mentioned her a while back- Brazilian/Italian. Shes dope, really. I love hanging out with her, shes a lot like me in that she doesn’t always need to be out and about. Don’t get me wrong, I love going out but it gets old after a while and with the Summer that I had- I’m over it. I use these lyrics a lot but I love the girl it describes “Pretty, witty, girly, whirly. One who likes to party but come home early”. That is my ideal, I love a girl that loves to be a girl, one that can allow me to be a gentleman and open a door for her but at the same time not take it for granted. A girl that I can be myself around and not worry about her thinking I’m crazy. My perfect girl rolls out of bed and looks gorgeous- meaning I like her as she is not with an hour in the bathroom. Natural beauty gets me every time. Aside from her looks, I usually fall face first for girls that can make me laugh. Not like politely laughing but a girl that is actually funny and that shares the same sense of humor as me. Call me a narcissist but I also love a girl that loves me. There is nothing better than being all about someone that reciprocates that same feeling back to you, I love that.

My girl now meets all of those things. She can just chill at the house and watch some TV or put on a dress and be an absolute knockout with minimal effort. She’s fun and I don’t know if I’m coming off a series of lame girls but I’m really giving this one power rankings. We actually went to sleep the other night around 3am, ended up talking and messing around for a few hours, decided at 5am that we should play the Wii. Split a bottle of wine and played Wii tennis until 7am. I’m dating a girl that got out of bed with me after we had sex to play a video game and drink a bottle of wine only to come back to bed 2 hours later to sleep for another 6, that’s hot. Now if I can convince her that she should stay in the states with me to play Nintendo and chase a dream instead of following through with her plans to take over her family business back in Brazil this December, Ill be set until Rehab opens again next Spring.

One Hundred

PS- If any of you readers out there know Larry David, put the two of us in contact. My best friend is a clone of him 30 years younger, no joke. The next chapter in American comedies needs to be written and we are the revolution. DO IT!

Click link to watch 9 min video form Pajamas TV, excellent site

http://www.pjtv.com/v/2561

This guy obviously can’t get a job because of his hideously deformed feet.

A lot of cities in N. Utah (mostly the uppity ones) are starting to complain about panhandling affecting development. I read a story on KSL and the comments were ridiculous. All these people talking about how hard these beggars have it. To hell with the beggars (its warm there) and the morons that give them money. Every idiot I see giving a bum a dollar makes me even sicker than seeing the bum pan handle. You’ll notice that I use the term BUM pretty fucking liberally. If that offends anyone, kindly go to hell. You should like the company if the afore mentioned have been damned. I wish I could make an accurate pie chart of what the money given to bums was spent on. I bet the portion that formed a pac man figure would be drugs and booze. The rest might be mcdonalds and smokes. Take the money you would give to a junkie beggar whom chooses that lifestyle and give it to some sort of program that helps the mentally disabled. Let the whinos and junkies fend for themselves. To anyone that is consistently giving handouts, PLEASE…They choose to be a parasite. STOP BEING A HOST.  I often prefer to give a solution to encountered problems that I bitch about. In this case it is handouts to beggars. So here are excuses that range in demeanor to fit your mood.

1.” All I have are debit cards.”  Show stopper folks. Just don’t use it standing next to an ATM. The bum will get that kid on christmas eve look in his eye and hump your leg all the way to your destination.

2. “I would, but I’m afraid you’d buy booze with it.”  Use this one when walking into a bar for an extra laugh.

If they come at you with a story (which many will do, these are the pros and the worst of all beggars) try these:

3. Interrupt them and say ” Sir, I don’t have the time, I’m about to shit my pants.” Walk off in a hurry. The bum won’t understand why that is a pressing issue as he will have several loads in his pants already, but it will leave him stunned and allows you a quick get away.

4. Interrupt and say, “Sir I dropped a 5 spot while paying for parking. If  you can find it its yours.” Point at the first Mercedes you see.

5. Interrupt and say, ” I don’t have time for your bull shit fucking story.” This one is my favorite. I felt bad the first time, but then I realized that he was lying to me in an attempt to get something for nothing at the cost of my not so precious time. Then I realize that I should have also punched him in his greasy nose. I wouldn’t do that though…because they usually have hep C at the very least.

If you think I’m a huge prick, (and I won’t deny that accusation) and you absolutely must give them a handout, carry fresh oranges with you. Alot of the homeless people don’t get vitamin C and end up with skuRRRRRvy. No shit, its true. Google it. I’m off to lay in my warm bed that I paid for with money NOT spent on dope. Goodnight wordpress blog that no one will ever read.

So, I decide to be cool and look up ‘weblob/blog’ on dictionary.com *WTH yy what idiot does that?!* and I got some random 1 word definition. And I was like WTH. Then like a month later, I decided to be smart and look it up on UrbanDictionary.com *Yay!! \(^o^\) yy actually has a brain!!* and the definition I got was pretty funny.

Here’s what I got:

Blog: A place where people bitch about their daily activities which nobody is interested in. Topics like why they argue with their boyfriend and how they end up together at last, daily anorexic activities like drinking blended organic fruits and vegetables for breakfast, lunch and dinner, talking about cutting themselves with a razor blade and how good they felt, bitching  about their shopping activities and what they got.

Just another way to seek attention and sympathy from other people.

Sample of a blog entry:

Today I argued with my babypooh, he got mad a me just because Justin asked me out for lunch, he ended up ignoring me and not calling me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong and why am I crying over it right now. it’s just stupid, he’s not the man that he used to be, I still remember how he treats me when we first started, it was all so nice and perfect. But now, we’re like arguing over small matters almost every week. I don’t think I can take this anymore, I’m just tired of this relationship.

Owh look, someone actually commented on my previous entry.’

I think it’s pretty funny, to be honest with you. By the way, it’s the second entry for ‘Blog’ when you type that into UrbanDictionary. And I did correct the capital letters.

Another definition I got, in fact just go look it up yourselves you lazy bums. I <3 you really!! Yeah, it’s an on-line diary. So if I wanted to I could just talk about myself…

G2G

~yy