Wildlife agents found a black bear passed out at the Baker Lake Resort in Washington… surround by 36 beer cans. 35 of those beer cans had the label of a local brewery: Rainier Beer.  The bear tried one can of Busch Light, but didn’t like it.

When it woke up, it looked for more beer. Agents tried to shoo it away, but the black bear kept returning. Finally, they trapped it and relocated, using honey, donuts and beer as bait.

Busch Dissasembly

If you are planning to buy tickets for your Florida vacation tour and you are tight with your budget, you should purchase ticket that is consumable to buy at the same time, enjoyable to use. There are cheap tickets in Florida that are worth to try. It is tough to think of the attraction to choose since there are varieties of choices. However, if you consider some things, it will help you decide which ticket you should secure. Some of the things that will be good to consider includes the price of the tickets and its theme park coverage. There are ticket passes that are good for multiple entries that are it lessen the expenses.

To experience fully enjoyable tour for the theme parks, do not forget to avail the Busch Gardens tickets. You will be amaze for the beautiful rides and wonderful attractions that you could not imagine. With this type of theme parks, everyone will be surprised for the different kinds of relaxing views. This is the best for those who really want their tour memorable. Busch Gardens in not all about fun and excitement, this is also about having an enjoyable moment without worrying about budget. Ticket passes for this theme park gives you the opportunity to experience some of their incredible rides that is exclusive in this park.

Another awesome treat that Florida theme parks offer is the Cirque Du Soleil. This is like a special treat for the family because you will not just see wonderful rides and attractions but also able to witness this awesome show. Cirque Du Soleil tickets are one of those tickets that will make your money worth. Because of its popularity, you can get the tickets anywhere with a very competitive price. Do not ever miss visiting this show because this will definitely give you a breath taking excitement.

There are so many exciting treats when purchasing any of those Florida theme park tickets. Experience the unexpected events once you have the passes to the type of theme parks of your choice. Buying tickets are never been this great. It is very easy, very exciting, and more importantly very affordable. You will be satisfied wherever you go. Busch Gardens and Cirque Du Soleil are just the two among the choices that will give you a new exciting treats. Go and see for your self what Florida theme parks is all about. For sure, you will never be disappointed.

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Wie auf Teneriffa ist auch die Vegetation auf La Palma sehr abwechslungsreich.

Wo: La Palma
Wann: Oktober 2009
Kamera: Fuji FinePix S7000

Capshun by 48jimmie48

Capshun by Chris

Careful there Brad or people might think ur Juan’s teammate walkin around with bull’s eye on ur back

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This little ditty was set up by Corrine using JibJab.

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BANGOUTRECORDS.COM

I had a lot of  help with this recipe. I basically just picked fresh herbs and took notes as Jeremy simmered it all together.

RattleSnake Stew:

Open can of beer. Drink beer. Open second can, poor a few swills of beer into simmering chicken broth, continue to drink the rest of  the beer. (Oh, and before you start, you should have already skinned & cleaned your rattlesnake.) Cut rattle snake into 3 inch long pieces. Roll snake filets in flour (we used brown rice flour, but any flour will do). Fry breaded filets in skillet. Next add onions, corn kernals, diced hot red pepper & chopped garlic to saute with snake. Once it is all nice hot & seasoned, add sauted snake & veggies to simmering stock. Open another beer. Drink. Wait. Drink. Wait. I suggest letting this all simmer together for a couple of hours, as I have learned that rattlesnake is a pretty tough & stringy meat.

Serve up in coffee mugs. Sit on the back deck & watch the stars. And talk about other ways to prepare your next snake!

Within walking distance of the classic Red Fox Steakhouse, therefore it was a must visit for us.  At no point are you confused about whether or not this is a dive bar.  This place is 100% dive bar awesomeness for 3 different reasons:

1) $7 pitchers of Busch!  Really?  Who even has Busch, let alone a pitcher for 7 bucks.  We were immediately impressed.

2) $.50 games of pool and 2 tables.  Are they good tables?  Absolutely NOT, but do they get the job done?  Absolutely!

3) A great crowd!  Being first timers and feeling a little out place it was nice to find a friendly dude at the bar to help us figure out the subtleties of the “antique” pool tables and also a super nice bartender to make us aware of the numerous values available behind the bar.

Needless to say, I’ll be back to check out these $7 pitchers, reportedly excellent cocktails, and the wonderful crowd.

DRINKS ANYONE?!

Busch

Passend zum verspäteten roten Baum von gestern, heute ein roter Busch.

Next time friends from Florida ask me why I live in Wisconsin I’m sending them the link to this post…

^^^^^^^^^^

Well, it looks like I got yet another email from my persistent scammer friend Mr. Dingleberry. He seems to refuse to believe that I was in Africa, but at the same time he still is hoping against hope (which I will of course shatter callously) that I am still going to come to his aid and help him rip me off. Here is my latest communication from the worthy Mr. Dingleberry:

Dear Drone Operator,

How are you today? Though you mentioned you were here but i will believe because you said and both of us are like brothers hence believing you. How could you be in south africa calling me to no avail even sending mail without getting through, it sounds very very unbelievable.

That apart, in order to make proper arrangement before your next coming, do have my number again + 27-73-48-58-400 or my brother’s phone + 27-78-254-7210 or you can send mail to my financial adviser asking of me, his name is barrister Riaan Louw Esq and his email is louwriaan@consultant.com. I think this is enough for you to get me contacted without failing.

I would like to know when you are planning to be in south africa in weeks regarding your wedding and your arrangement towards that though it still sound unbelievable that a believer like you would come for a particular purpose which you failed and ended up getting married.

Please i plead you to come to my rescue and assist my family.

Sincerely yours,

Mr Dingleberry.

And my reply:

Dear Mr. Dingleberry:
I am very sorry that you do not believe me. I want you to know that I am a man of GOD!!! and that if I even thought about being dishonest GOD!!! would strike me down with lightning in a second. GOD!!! does not tolerate any sort of dishonesty in His Flock. As a Brother of GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!) I was sure you would know that. But to set you at ease, I will tell you a bit more about my trip. I know you are under a lot of stress because of your father’s problem with Sierra Savings and Loan.

I flew into OR Tambo International Airport on a special Air Jamaica flight that my cousin was able to get a special deal on because I did not have to fly from London but could fly straight from Jamaica. I spent my first night in Soweto, which was very scary but since I had GOD!!! helping me out I just was very friendly to everyone and whenever anyone said something to me that I could not understand, I gave them a Bible, which they seemed to be very happy with. I gave away over half of my Bibles that first night, praise Jesus!!! I was also excited to be able to see the Hillbrow Tower, which looked really neat at night! I was very surprise about how cold it was that first night, at least to me… it was around 30 degrees Farenheit, and I did not pack any warm clothes, so I was a little bit cold. But at least it did not rain, praise Jesus!!!

The next night I went to Yeoville to pass out Bibles to the people going to the clubs and bars that seem to be all over there. This was where I met Shanikawikatika; she offered to spend the night with me if I wanted, and honestly I was kind of lonely since I could not find you. I went to an internet cafe in Yeoville that day to try to reach you or to see if I had any further luck contacting you but I heard nothing. So when Shanikawikatika offered to stay with me it was like GOD!!! was answering my prayers. I gave her a Bible, and she was very impressed by it. I read to her the parts about Jesus (praise Jesus!) from the gospels, and thn she asked me to go to bed with her. I told her I was a devout man of GOD!!! and that I can not do that unless we were married. So she suggested we get married!!! We stayed together the whole rest of the trip, but every once in a while she would go off to visit men that she said were her brothers, and go talk privately in a room somewhere. Boy, does she have a lot of brothers!!! Sometimes she had to talk to ten or more a day. But she always came back to go do tourist stuff with me, and I guess families are important even in Africa.

Shanikawikatika showed me the nice parts of Johannesburg, like Houghton, North Cliff and Sandhurst. She said she could not take me to Hyde Park because one of her brothers from there was involved in a scandal, but not like the Sierra Loan one I think. I did not ask, because Jesus (praise Jesus!) tells us not to meddle in the affairs of people in Africa. All I know is that she loves me. She also took me to the university of Johannesburg, at a place called Aukland park. I thought that was really funny, because all of the names of everything in Africa sound so much like England and not like Africa. Boy, have I got a lot to learn. But with GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!) guiding my every step then I am sure I will learn about Africa some time. Maybe I should get a book. What do you think?

Shanikawikatika showed me some of the museums and stuff, too. We went to the Gold Reef museum, which I thought was neat, and we also went to the Hector Pieterson one, which I did not like as much. I wanted to go to the Johannesburg Zoo, but she insisted that we go instead to Kruger National Park, where we would be able to see what real lions and real Africa looked like. I thought the Kruger Monument was really neat, but it looked like the got it from Greece or Rome. I expected carved wooden totem poles and tiki torches and stuff. We stayed at the Crocodile Bridge camp there, and I did not get to give out many Bibles while we were there. But if GOD!!! had wanted me to, then I am absolutely sure that He would have sent people there for me to show them His way. But I got to see real lions, even if it was from a car!!! Praise Jesus!!!

Your Brother in GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!),
Mr. Drone Operator

PS- Shanikawikatika wanted to get married there, but I promised that we could get married at home, because I want the ceremony to be at the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar. I think this was the right thing to do, what do you think?

PPS- I will be back in Africa on June 7th to pick up my new bride, conduct the urgent business that we have before us, and return to America to get married! Isn’t that exciting?

PPPS- I think I am going to quit my job at the gas station and get a new job as a janitor at The Hugh Jass Bible School for Unrepentent Juvenile Delinquents in Georgia. I think that is a more fitting job for a person about to get married. And maybe I can help Shanikawikatika’s brothers get jobs there, because they always need janitors and landscapers.

I have had a rather unspectacular past few days, and I honestly have just not felt like doing much in the way of anything since my relocation to SW Florida, which is not known as the “Land of the newly wed and the nearly dead” for nothing. Driving around the terrible place that spawned me, I realized exactly why I hate this place. Where else could you see within two hours of each other the mullet to end all mullets (on a huge, obviously illiterate Taco Bell employee repairing a window that someone had thrown something through, nonchalant about it like it happened every day) and a Geo Metro 2-door hatchback with a HUGE CB antenna on the roof? I wish I could say it was somewhere other than where I currently reside. I really do. However, my day was brightened a bit (just a bit, mind you) by the arrival of an email from my good friend Mr. Dingleberry. Here is what he had to say:

Dear Mr. Drone Operator,

How are you today? Please I am very worried about you not communicating to me. Are you well at all?  What is wrong? Please reply to me. Even if you are no more interested in working with me please let me know.
Awaiting a prompt response.

Sincerely yours,

Mr. Dingleberry

Well, I cannot let a cry for attention from my amusing African scam-artist buddy go unheeded. Here goes my reply:

Dear Mr. Dingleberry-
Gosh! I am very surprised to hear from you after all of the email I sent while I was in South Africa. I thought you found another person to help you with your father’s Sierra Loan problem and did not want to be my friend anymore, but since I had the ticket and arrangements to go to South Africa I went anyway. I just got back yesterday after being there for almost two weeks. And guess what? I could not find you there, but I brought my huge case of Bibles with me and I did the right thing, which is spread the word of GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!). And while I was there, I met a nice girl who I introduced to the Word of GOD!!! And now I am in love. I plan to be back in Africa in a few weeks (I had the ticket I was going to give you changed to my name since you never replied to my emails and I could not reach you by phone) to visit my new love, Shanikawikatika. Do you want me to visit you while I am there? I would like to meet you very much, and I am sure there is a perfectly good explanation of why you did not respond to the many emails I sent you over the last weeks. And, because of your suggestion I came to Africa and met Shanikawikatika and plan to marry her soon at the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar. I did not get to convert any big chiefs or witchdoctors, but I did hand out a lot of Bibles! I found that people in Africa love free Bibles! So, if you want to, I can meet up with you and we can conduct our mission of getting rich for the glory of GOD!!! I did not tell Shanikawikatika about our deal; I just told her I wanted to bring the word of GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!) to Africa, which is true. Please, Mr. Dingleberry, I really want to meet you now. I want you to be in the wedding; is this OK? Please email me as soon as possible!!!
Your Brother in GOD!!! and Jesus (Praise Jesus!),
Mr. Drone Operator

PS- Shanikawikatika really likes my new scar from where I got protested on by the moslems. Everything worked out great! And I got to see a real lion!!!

So, it has been several days since I gotten and email from Mr. Dingleberry, so I thought I would see if I can stir up some additional activities.

Dear Mr. Dingleberry-

Today is Sunday, and I know I am not supposed to do anything on the Sabbath but rest, but I have to talk to you because it is very important and is the will of GOD!!! My plane tickets were for tomorrow morning, and I just found out that my flight was cancelled. The next flight out will not be until Wednesday in the late evening or Thursday early morning of this week. Mr. Dingleberry, I am sorry for the deal, but this will be good because I can get the stitches out of my cheek on Tuesday. I was worried about that, though I know that GOD!!! Is always watching over me. Praise Jesus! I do have some good news; because I do not have medical insurance, the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar has agreed to pay for all of my medical bills.

Mr. Dingleberry, are you OK? I am really worried about you because I have not heard from you for several days. Have the Sierra Loan bank people caught you? If you are in any trouble at all, please send me an email and I will do everything in my (and GOD!!! And Jesus’s!) power to help you out. I know how horrible anti-Christians can be. I remember what they did to the Jews when they were mistaken for Christians in World War II, and people can be very nasty. Only now can Christians go for door to door in America and spread the faith the way that Jesus (praise Jesus!) told them all to in the book of Matthew.

I do have my plane ticket and I am ready to depart as soon as possible. I can leave either lat Wednesday or early Thursday, at your request. I borrowed some money from the cash register at the gas station, so I would have traveling money. Then I quit my job, because when I get back from Africa I will not need to work anymore, especially at a gas station. Besides, I did not want them to find out about the money. I also got some more money from the offering plate at First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar, but first I asked the Pastor if the money was for the needy, and since I got robbed, I am needy so I guess I qualify. I am still going to church, but now I hade my money under a loose brick in my bedroom wall. I have almost $18,000 IN United States currency, but I hid it where no one could find it.

I also found out who the Moslems that robbed me are, and where they live, and guess what? Two of them were indeed in my class. I knew it. People who talk during Bible Study time are doomed to go to hell I guess.

Well, Mr. Dingleberry, please write back to me as soon as possible to let me know you are OK and what progress has been made on your end. As you can see, I have been busy preparing for my trip and making sure my relationship with GOD!!! And Jesus (praise Jesus) is as good as it can possibly be. I also need to make my final travel arrangements, but I will need to hear back from you so we can take care of those things. I will need someone for me to pick me up at the airport, and I will also need to make lodging arrangements. Since I have never traveled to Africa, I will need your help a lot. Praise Jesus!!!

So Mr. Dingleberry, please reply to me as soon as possible so I can make all of my final arrangements. May GOD!!! And Jesus (praise Jesus) be with you! I hope that there is no trouble with the Sierra Loan and bank problems, but I am sure with that GOD!!! And Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) we will be able to complete our Transaction and help the children from the orphanage at First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar. I have missed you my good friend in GOD!!! I hope to hear from you as soon as possible so I can achieve my dream of seeing lions in Africa.

Your Best Friend and Brother in GOD!!! And Jesus (praise Jesus!!!)

Drone Operator

PS- It looks like I may be able to bring you a new Laptop Computer; This is a DELL Inspiron  Model 600M+, which has dual Pentium M 2.88GB super processors, I 200 Gig hard drive, a combination DVD/CDR reader and burner, and 4 Gig of RAM. It has a top of the line video card, audio card, nigh-speed networking card, and is super wireless compatible. I have an extra 500 Gig external hard drive, a portable printer/scanner, a Gucci laptop bag, and it has a custom logo of Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) monogrammed onto the front of the computer. This was a ‘gift’ from the congregation of First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar, because they will all want you to be their pen-pal and your brothers and sisters in Christ (praise Jesus) and the all knowing GOD!!! Of the old AND the new testaments. Praise Jesus!!!

I went into work at my shit-tastic telemarketing job today, and lo and behold there was one small thing to brighten my day. The email that follows is the latest in the series of communications between Drone Operator and Mr. Dingleberry.

Dear Drone Operator,

How are you my brother? I really appreciate your effort towards evangelising the word of God and your effort towards keeping this noble transaction absolutely confidential.

Regarding the ticket i did send to you my asylum permit with every details of mine, so while coming please come with it.

May i reconfirm my direct telephone number to you + 27-73-48-58-400, you can get me at any time and bear in mind i know we are handling a confidential. For this reason no one can answer my phone for me but there must be a time you have for yourself, would you please just call me to call you back as i really want to speak to you Mr Drone Operator. Regarding the bible i wait for it as we would use it to evangelise before we fly back with you to your country.

Now back to real discussion, from every indication when are you planning to be in south africa? Like i mentioned every arrangement is in perfect procedure for risk free transfer, as we need not delay further now the banker has perfected everything and ready to get this transaction done immediately.

In response i expect precisely when you would be coming and any other information you would like me to have.

Awaiting your call and soonest response.

Sincerely yours,

Mr Dingleberry.

This is my reply to Mr. Dingleberry.

Dear Mr. Dingleberry:

Hello! I am so excited about all of this exciting stuff. It makes me really excited. I am having so much fun it hardly seems like I am doing the work of GOD!!! but I am! I was so happy to see your email, because now I can tell you about my plans to come to Africa and also about what happened to me last night! Because I have to tell you what happened before I can tell you about my plans to come, because something important happened to me last night, but I have to tell you about that because it affects my trip to Africa. Praise Jesus!

I tried to go to church last night at the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar, even though there were those moslem protesters outside the building. These moslems all had big signs with funny writing on them that looked like scribbles, and they shouted about crusades and other stuff. Mostly they just stood there arguing with people trying to go to church, which was what we expected. I just walked right up to them to get by, because I knew that GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) would keep me safe from them. Of course I had on a thin coating of the Biblical Baby Oil of Truth, which never hurts.

Once I got right up there, one of them grabbed me by my Members Only jacket and threw me down onto the sidewalk, and two others started hitting me with their signs. For some reason they singled me out, but I think it was a test from GOD!!!. Well, I knew what Jesus would do, so I offered them the other cheek. They hit me pretty hard right on my cheek, and my teeth busted out of the side of my mouth. I had to go to the hospital later to get stitches. My brother Christians (praise Jesus!!!) just watched all of this, because they know that GOD!!! talks to me, and that ever since the dinosaurs me and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) were really close friends. Praise Jesus!

Well, those bad moslems took my wallet and my phone, which is especially bad because I had all my money in my wallet. After the bank scandal my dad went through, I always carry my money in cash because it is safer that way. This also keeps bad men like George Bush from being able to see where I spend my money, which my dad thinks is a good thing. Praise Jesus, and praise GOD!!! too!!! But this means that the moslems got all my money and my cell phone. I was smart, and kept our plane tickets at home in my spare Bible, which means I can still come to South Africa but I will have to live off the land or something. Possibly I can use my missionary position to support me. GOD!!! will take care of me, I know that!!!

But this means, Mr. Dingleberry, that I will not be able to call you until my new phone comes in, which will be on Friday. Praise Jesus! But, it looks like my cousin is booking my flight out to South Africa for Monday May 5th. I will also print out a copy of the document that you sent me last week, and take that to my cousin so we can transfer the ticket from my name to yours. Hot fudge sundays without peanuts just don’t seem as good, you know? Praise GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!). The Beatles wrote some really messed up songs, but they were very beautiful. Catfish and collard greens!!!

So, Mr. Dingleberry, as soon as I have my flight schedule I will let you know. Until I get my phone back I will not be able to call you unless I try from a payphone or unless I call from somewhere. I will let you know if I can. The other day, there was a catfish bone in my shoe, but it got stuck into one of my toes. Collard greens are great because I can put them in my pocket without staining my pants. Should I get a credit card? I have to track down those moslems who took my phone and my life savings. Then, I will smear them with bacon grease like Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) would want me to do. I hope you are having a great day Mr. Dingleberry!

Your brother in GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!)
Drone Operator

PS- I think that they take the caffeine out of decaffeinated coffee and put the extra into cat food. My cat, Lion, has been running around crazy all day! If my calculations are correct, he ate close to thirty pots of coffee last night. I wonder how he can even sleep?

Today I received yet another email from my good friend in Africa. Since my last email was completely ridiculous, I was not sure if I would get a response from him, but this guy is really persistent. He keeps his eye on the prize, which in this case is a fanatically religious gas-station clerk whose father works for Enron. Little does he know what he is getting into. Here is his response:

Dear Drone Operator,

Thanks for your mail which i noted clearly but i am surprised you claimed you called me and a woman answered and started asking you for money. I assume it was net work problem as no woman can pick my phone whereby i know you might call me at any time. Please do call me again today or may i have your direct telephone number for easy communication.

Like i wrote in my previous mail i am ready and willing to pay my tithe of ten percent and it is not negotiable because it is God’s command.

While coming to south africa i would appreciate if you come with the bible for me. In order to proceed please i need to know when you would be coming to south africa for us to conclude the transfer process put in place. All about the transaction is ready waiting for your soonest arrival and do bear in mind i will be flying back with you for share of my family money and investment purposes. So prepare where i will stay for some time before purchasing my own property and please remember it is of no use telling your father until we transfer the money and i am in your country. Then he will start seeing everything physical then he will be happy for you and me. All about the transfer is bank to bank transfer and all is legitimate. in your next mail i will like to have your flight schedule as we need not delay more than necessary.

Awaiting soonest positive response.

Sincerely yours,

Mr Dingleberry.

MY FATHER (Mr Charles Taylor) EX PRESIDENT OF LIBERIA

This next email is my response to Mr. Dingleberry.

Dear Mr. Dingleberry:

Oh, Mr. Dingleberry, I have such great news praise Jesus! GOD!!! really is on our side, and he want us to make money for His Glory!!! I wanted to send you an email yesterday, but it was the sabbath and I was not allowed to. Of course, I knew that as a man of GOD!!! yourself, you would not be able to respond until today, so I waited until I got home from work at the gas station and came in to email you first thing. I asked myself, What Would Jesus Do? (praise Jesus!!!) and I knew that Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) would have waited, so that is what I did. I think too many people forget that what is convenient is not always what is right. But I have great news! I won two free round trip tickets to anywhere in the world from my work! I am glad I waited to email you until today, because I had a dream last night that had GOD!!! in it!!! And HE told me that I should give you the extra ticket for your trip to America! See, GOD!!! is truly working miracles for us. Praise Jesus!!!

I just got off of the phone with my cousin, and he said that as soon as we have some information from you then we can have the ticket issued to you and I can bring it with me. In order to have your ticket processed, my cousin will need your real name (as it appears on your passport) the passport country of origin, and your address of record. I tried to call you again today, but this time a man answered. I dialed the same number as the one you sent me. The man that answered did not speak any English, so the conversation was very short. He did not seem to recognize your name. I tried to call again, but the line was busy that time. I think that this is GOD!!! telling us to be patient. Like the details about the flight, I just prayed about it (praise Jesus!!!) and everything worked out just fine. Besides, you are a brother in GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) so I am sure that everything will be just fine for us. Look at how nicely this is going so far. Just last week, I did not know you Mr. Dingleberry, and now I feel like you are my best friend! Praise GOD!!! and praise Jesus!!! GOD!!! will continue to show us the way.

I will be glad to bring you a new Bible! I think that if you know of anyone there in Africa that does not have a Bible, we should bring a bunch of Bibles in to them. I talked to my Pastor and told him I wanted to take a mission trip to Africa. I did this for two reasons. First, because I wanted to have a good reason for travelling to South Africa. If I told everyone that I was going on a trip to visit a friend, they would ask too many questions. This way I can tell them I am on a mission from GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!), and I will be telling everyone the exact truth. Third, I will not tell them what my true mission is. No one but GOD!!! and you my good friend Mr. Dingleberry will know the truth. And Jesus (praise Jesus!!!). So the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar is going to donate a whole box of Bibles for me to spread the word with in Africa. Praise Jesus!!! I was going to bring you a new laptop computer and some other electronics from the USA, but I think that Bibles are more important than having the fastest computer equipment in South Africa. I knew you would agree that this is right. So I will pack my luggage with just a minimum of clothes and the rest will be all new Bibles! But you will get a Bible from my personal collection. Praise Jesus!!!

Mr. Dingleberry, I am afraid I have some bad news. Tonight will be a scary night for us here at the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar… there will be a protest against our Christian Ways. A local moslem group that calls themselves the People’s Army and LIberation Front for the Spread of Mohammed and the Free Ejaculation of Palestine will be picketing the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar to keep us from being able to concentrate all of our energies on summoning the will of GOD!!! to smite them. They are a crafty bunch. But not as crafty as GOD!!! or Jesus (praise Jesus!!!).

So Mr. Dingleberry, as soon as I hear back from you I will have my cousin prepare the ticket for you. I told him you are a missionary too, and that you wish to travel back with me and help to spread the word of the Lord GOD!!! once we have converted a sufficient number of Africans. Do you think GOD!!! will give us extra credit if we were to convert a witchdoctor to Jesus (praise Jesus!!!)? I wonder if it would be a five to one ratio; if we converted 7 regular Africans, would that equal two witchdoctors? I am not sure how GOD!!! considers these things. I know you get extra credits for converting moslems, but I think that is only something like hazard pay because moslems are more likely to blow people up. Well, I need to go for now but I will eagerly await your response. Also, you may want to re-send your phone number again. Do you have an alternate phone number I can call? I will be glad to call if you send me another number. I am very hard to reach here because I am always out, and at
the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar. Do you have a photo of yourself you can send me? I would love to see what you look like. I am going to go through my photo collection and see if I can find a nice picture of me to send to you. Wish me luck at the protest tonight! GOD!!! be with you my good Mr. Dingleberry!!!

Your brother in GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!),
Drone Operator

PS- I just remembered that when I was in sixth grade I had a teacher that used to fall asleep during Bible Study Hour, and the bad kids used to talk about things that were not at all related to Bibles. One girl tried to show me her no-no. I bet some of those kids turned into moslems. I used to eat paste in that class, and once I ate so much that it clogged my bowels and I had to have a colonic. Now just the idea of eating paste makes me constipated. I think that was the trip to the hospital where I discovered GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!).

PPS- Do you think I should have looked at the girl’s no-no? I don’t think there is anything against that in the Bible, but I need more guidance on this one. Thanks!!!

OK, it looks like this guy is either really gullible, really unscrupulous, or a hearty combination of both. Here is the reply I got from the absolutely ridiculous email sent out yesterday:

Dear Mr Drone Operator,

How are you today? Thanks very much for your mail and i am very glad you said God spoke to you about me and this shows beyond all reasonable doubt that our union is divine.

Regarding the 10% you mention, before contacting you i have made up my mind to do that because it is written in the book of malachai 3 verse 6 down words. When jacob ran away from his brother at bethel he promised to give God one tenth of whatever God gave to him. So i am ready to give the ten percent from my own money. But i thank you for reminding me what i had made up my mind to do.

Regarding the code you suggest we should start using, it is nice but note that we have nothing to be scared of when it comes to transferring this money because all about the transfer is legitimate and bank to bank transfer. Vital clearance certificates that goes with international remittance of funds shall be provided in the course of transfer. Which apparently authenticates the transfer to any country it is being transferred to. Still your suggestion is fine as we have to be precautionary as i have been.

Definitely upon your arrival, after finalising with the transfer then i will take you around to places you see animals of your choice especially lions.

Now, may i know when you are arranging to be in south africa as you can see that every process of the transfer is in perfect order waiting for your arrival. Like i mentioned, upon your arrival it will take us three bank working days to finalise the transfer process. The airport you will be arriving is OLIVER TAMBO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA. The moment i have your flight schedule i will then make hotel reservation for you and wait for your arrival. Please i need to know precisely when you will be arriving as i need to inform the security company where the money is deposited for safe keeping when they will be delivering the money for us to the bank. According to my agreement with them i must give the at least four working days notice before the date of delivery.

Most importantly remember this is a confidential transaction and i expect you not to mention about it to any one.

Finally receive below my father;s picture and do not fail providing me your direct telephone number for easy communication or you call me on my direct line +27-73-48-58-400.

Please get back to me immediately.

IN THIS PICURE IS MY FATHER, EX PRESIDENT OF LIBERIA (MR CHARLES TAYLOR)

Sincerely yours,

Mr. Dingleberry.

And, here is my response to this:

Dear Mr. Dingleberry-
It was so nice to get another email from you! Now, each day that I work at the gas station, I have a reason to come right home and see if I have heard yet from my friend the good Mr. Dingleberry. I am very excited to come to Africa and see the lions there, and to get to meet you and all of the people there. GOD!!! has surely brought us together. (I know because HE told me!!!) I just talked to my cousin, the travel one, and he told me that I should be able to get a direct flight from London to Johannesburg with no trouble, now i just need to see if I win the free tickets from the drawing at my work. The drawing is tomorrow, and Praise GOD!!! I sure hope I win. Praise Jesus!!!

I tried to call you at +27-73-48-58-400 but a woman answered the phone and said I had the wrong number. I asked for your real name first, then, I thought you may have given her your code name and my code name, so I told her I needed to speak to Mr. Dingleberry. She said I had the wrong number, then hung up on me. I don’t think she was very nice, but I prayed about it and GOD!!! made me realize that I should love everyone and not think people are not nice. So I called the woman back and I told her that even though she was mean to me, that GOD!!! loves her and that I do too. She asked me for some money then, and she said that I sounded nice. I think I made a new friend. Praise Jesus!!!

You have no idea how happy I am that you are a man of GOD!!! Mr. Dingleberry. It is only right that we give the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar ten percent of our money. GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) agree. Sadly, the photo of your father did not come through the Internet but last night I prayed for your father and a speedy recovery from being an ex-president. It must be hard to go from being like King Solomon (Praise GOD!!!) to being like Job (Praise Jesus!!!) overnight, but the BIBLE says that the meek shall inherit the earths and GOD!!! never lies. The BIBLE is the true GOSPEL of GOD!!! and Jesus!!! and we should always listen to whatever GOD!!! and Jesus!!! say! If you would send me a photo in your next email, I can make copies of it for the First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar to pray for your poor father, and ask them to pray to Jesus!!! and GOD!!! for him. I also told them that they needed to say some extra prayers for us as we complete the work of GOD!!! there in Africa. Of course, I told them they needed to pray for Mr. Drone Operator and Mr. Dingleberry, and not actually our real names, but everyone can see that we are so blessed by the electronic gospel music and that Jesus!!! and GOD!!! see us as favored among HIS flock. My prayer group asked if a new Drone Operator record was coming out, and I told them to check the Drone Operator website. They thought that I was talking about him, and not using my code name. I fooled them!

My father came by my house last night, and I wanted to tell him that I was going to be rich soon, but he is always so critical I did not do it. I wish that he would find GOD!!! and ger right with Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) because only this will save his eternal soul from the savings and loan scandal. He was really lucky to get the job at Enron. I thought at first that I would use the money from my part of the transfer to help my father retire, but he does not seem like he wants to. I think he will want to work for those honest people at Enron until he gets his huge retirement package from them. They have a great retirement. Praise Jesus! So I will just let him enjoy the rest of his days working, and I will use my part of the money to spread the GOSPEL of Jesus! and GOD!!! I just told him that GOD!!! has a plan for him, and that Jesus! is not the bearded hitman of the LORD, as many people believe. Mr. Dingleberry, I am so happy to meet you, and that you are not a heathen that worships idols like I read about in the BIBLE. I think that those people may go to Hell unless we can spread the word to them. Do you like butter?

I have to go now Mr. Dingleberry, but I think that we should have a prayer exchange, since only you and I know what is going to happen with the huge amount of money. GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) know, but not the powerful prayer warriors of First Tabernacle Temple of the Holy God in Christ Zion Worship and Bible Study Center and Hot Wing Bar, so as brothers in GOD!!! I think you should pray for me and I should pray for you. I will direct my prayers to both Jesus (praise Jesus!) and GOD!!! (MAY HIS NAME BE PRAISED) and hope that you will do the same. As long as we have GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!) on our side, we are assured to be successful. Mr. Dingleberry, we should pray for guidance in this matter, as only GOD!!! knows the true way. Thank you for saying you will take me to see the lions. My father is allergic to cats.

Your brother in GOD!!! and Jesus (praise Jesus!!!),
Drone Operator

PS- I got a new BIBLE last night!!! It came from a friend of mind. His girlfriend gave it to him for CHRISTmas, and he already had three BIBLES so he gave it to me. Now I have three BIBLES too!!! If you want, I can bring one of my extra ones. The new one I got is Catholic, which the pastor at my CHURCH says is different from being Christian, but the chapters and verses all say the same thing. Praise Jesus!

Hello hello, friends, neighbors and assorted strange people. Today I was gifted with a Nigerian 415 scam email. I am going to respond to this scam email and see how long I can get this tool to play along. I know this is not an original idea (see my earlier blog on the subject) but it seems like too much fun, so I am going to do it anyway.

Here is the text of the email I got:
VERY URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL Dear Sir, For the purpose of introduction, my name is Mr. Charles McArthur Taylor Jr. The elder son of the former president of Liberia , Mr. Charles Taylor . Recently, my father has stepped down as the president. He has resigned and seek asylum in neighboring West African Country, due to pressure mounted on him by the [AU] The African Union and The international communities Currently I am writing to you from the republic of South Africa where I am residing as an asylum seeker. I am here before my father was arrested for war crime seating in sierra loan, before he was transferred to Hague the Netherlands . I am here with the sum of $11,000.000.00[ ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS][ united states dollars] which my father deposited in south Africa before he resign as the president. He deposited this fund in a private finance and security company here in South Africa as a classified consignment; this means that even the security company does not know the real content of the consignment. I shall want you to help me transfer this money out of SOUTH AFRICA because The African Union [AU] is monitoring our assets and confiscating them here. l appreciate if you can come here in SOUTH AFRICA and assist me, to transfer this money in your country where I can invest it in any profitable venture for the future of my family. You will be given a 20% of the money for your assistance and this and other details of this transactions will be discussed when I receive your reply indicating your interest and readiness to assist me. I must also assure you that this transaction is totally legal and bears no risk whatever now or in future. I have all the documents covering this money, which I can send to you if you desire. My family friends in the government and in the banking sector here in south Africa will also help to make this transfer successful within the shortest time in the most legal way. Please contact me with my alternative email address:

Here is my response:

Dear Mr. Charles McArthur Williams Taylor Jr.-
Hello! I was so excited to open my email and find this in my inbox! OMG!!! I tried to do the math, and it looks like 20% of $11 million is almost a million dollars! I used my calculator watch, so I am pretty sure this is correct; if it is not, please let me know. I was an English major in college.

Charles (is it OK if I call you Charles?), I only have one question, and once we clear that up I can feel more comfortable with this. This trouble your father had with Sierra Loan, was this a bank thing? Because I remember the Savings and Loan Bank Scandal of the 1980’s, and I remember my father getting into some trouble with his bank (my dad was a loan officer), but after that he warned me to stay away from these and I have never opened a savings account. But your father is a president, so I guess it would be OK. If you could clear this up that would be great. I just don’t want to get involved with any scandal, because if I do my dad will never let me hear the end of it. He thinks he is so smart. Well, when I am a millionare and he still works for Enron, I guess that will show him.

If you would please send me the documents I need to verify this transaction, including where I would need to visit in Africa, that would be great. I have a whole week of vacation from my job at the gas station coming up after working there for nearly five years, and I was just wondering yesterday at my BIBLE STUDY group what I was going to do with all that time off. I think GOD has answered my prayers!!! And guess what??? There is a special at my gas station, where if a person gets more than $50 worth of gas, they are entered into a free drawing for a trip for two to anywhere in the world, and I got $50 worth of gas JUST YESTERDAY! How funny is that? It is like GOD wants me to help you and your father just like someone should have helped me and my father when we had the problem with First Federal Savings and Loan, only yours is with Sierra Loan! (I guess that must be a California bank though, because I only just heard of it today…) When I visit Africa, can we see some lions? I have always admired the way that GOD protected CHRISTIANS from lions, so don’t worry about me, I know I am safe with GOD on my side.

Your Brother in GOD!!!
Jerry Fallwell Abraham Lincoln Johnson III Jr.

This is a true story…

OK, so I have been poor for the last little while, and because I am an idiot I cannot keep a job… so I was talking to Cyberelf earlier today, and somehow the idea came up for me to sell something that I have plenty of: my semen. So, I signed up for a Craig’s List account, tried to post the advertisement you see below, and the bastards would not approve it… I tried to put it in several places, and it got removed each time. The last time I tried to post it, they requested something called ‘phone verification’ of my identity, which seemed an awful lot like a cop asking for my liscense and registration. So, instead of posting to the the ad to Craig’s List, I thought it would make an amusing addition to the drone operator blog. This is not for the squemish or the under-age.

Hello there Craig’s List friends and neighbors. I have a proposition to make. I am an exceptionally virile male of good health in my early thirties, and I have something that many lesbian couples may find of value: my semen. I am of mixed European descent (Scottish, Irish, English, Czech and Polish) and I am of general good health unless you consider that I am slightly psychotic and have a severe substance abuse problem. I am 6′3″ tall, weigh about 200 lbs, and I am far above average intelligence (please write for IQ and SAT/ACT scores). I will make my semen available for free to any lesbian couple who will let me personally deliver it, preferably while both partners are present. If any lesbian couple, or if a straight couple who cannot conceive because the male partner shoots blanks, would prefer for me to just load up a turkey baster and put it on ice for them, we can work out a flat rate fee for service charge. If you would like to learn more about me before committing to accept my seed, feel free to visit my myspace page, at http://myspace.com/droneoperator. Serious inquiries only. I would prefer Central Florida couples (Orlando area) but will consider either making special shipping considerations or a personal visit to serious parties that live outside of my local area. I can provide a list of satisfied female recipients of the semen in question should such references be deemed necessary. Please note that for legal reasons this is offered as a service, NOT as a product. I only want to help people have children by spreading my seed like the good bible says I should. Since this also does not fall into the stud service for animals prohibition, I want to be clear that this service is available for humans only. This is also intended for adults only. This service is not for children: if you allow a child to read this ad then you are a bad parent or guardian.