Every piece of business communication has two elements – an objective and an audience.  All else – format, media, font size, online, offline – is secondary. Let’s call this “Principle #2: Remember Your Audience…And Objectives.”

My audience, for example, is the professional business communicator. You might have communications in your title, connected to “marketing” or “corporate”.  Or you are an executive who wants to inspire employees, customers or the industry. Or you are an expert – in, say, technology or business processes – who wants to be better understood, to tell a better story, or properly explain how things should be done.

My objective is to make your business writing better…and, not so incidentally, to suggest to you that my services would make your communications more effective.

For everything you write, answer these questions:

1. Who will read this?

2. What do I want them to think or do as a result of reading this?

Here’s an example. http://kara.allthingsd.com/20090812/boola-boola-yahoo-marketing-heads-cheerleading-memo-post-microhoo/ Thanks for this goes to the Internet, which helpfully offers employees the ability to send internal memos to reporters at major media outlets (I emphatically recommend that employees not do this, by the way).

In the memo, Yahoo!’s Chief Marketing Officer wants to comfort employees that the outsourcing of Yahoo!’s search business to Microsoft will not lead to major changes, and to inspire them to continue doing great work.  Nicholas Carson at Business Insider http://www.businessinsider.com/yahoo-cmo-talks-up-microsoft-deal-in-internal-memo-2009-8 summarizes it perfectly:

“It’s basically a lot of nothing about how everyone needs to do a great job and how great things are.”

First, the writing is technically fine and well constructed.  I’ve probably written a few letters like this for clients over the years.  Unfortunately, I’ve received a few as well.

So let us look deeper.  Who was the audience for this memo? The marketing department – though the writer clearly feared the memo’s release to the public, as evidenced by its amusing use of colleges as codes for competitors and partners.  What did the writer want her audience to do?  Mainly, “don’t panic”… but she clearly wants to inspire them to see this historic change in the business as an opportunity.

How would we make it better? First, drop the “day in the life of the marketing department” paragraph – it skims over the wave tops of what she wants to say, which is “every one keep doing the great job you’re doing”.  Replace it with concrete examples of the opportunities presented by this new focus, and a call to arms to, say, raise the bar in marketing or carry out the new strategic plan (which, hopefully, exists).  Finally, the code names are fun, but clearly ineffective and a barrier to clear, grown-up communications.

Now it is your turn:  How do you remember your audience in your business writing?

Readers resist our requests for many reasons.  Here are some  suggestions for overcoming reader resistance.

Persuasive Writing Tips: How to Overcome Reader Resistance

Reach Newsletter Nirvana

Newsletters can be a fantastic tool for your business if used properly.

Many business owners are all about putting a newsletter out, but they don’t know where to start. In today’s post, we’re going to cover the basics of crafting your own company newsletter.

Good…

So what makes a newsletter good? Think no further than the name: newsletter. Yes, your newsletter should actually be news-worthy and full of stuff your customers would want to read. Give them some of the latest industry news, throw out some tips, and try to keep it relevant to them. The minute you begin to talk too much about yourself is the minute they hit the ‘unsubscribe’ button.

Bad…

A lot of folks confuse a newsletter as being this thing they use to brag about their accomplishments. No one cares you increased business 15% this month. No one cares about the intricacies of a computer network you just configured… none of that matters to your customers. As I said before, you need to walk a fine line between generating business and cultivating strong relationships. Newsletters help build relationships. If you’re talking about you, that’s all you’re doing in the end… just talking about yourself. Speak to the reader, not to yourself.

Nirvana…

So how do you get to “Newsletter Nirvana”? Simply put, you provide information that is of use to your customers and clients. If it’s of value, they’ll read it! If not, they won’t and you’ll need to change up what you’re writing about. Trust me, they’ll let you know! Make sure your newsletter is of service to your reader, not you.

I you’re looking for some good ideas, chew on these suckers:

-Advice pieces (kind of like what I do here with my blog)

-Case studies are wonderful. They promote someone else’s business, promotes the fact that your service helped them and is identifiable. Customers love reading about each other and you’ll be seen as the common thread between the two. People crave affiliation and a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves. Why not your business?

- Industry News is great because it helps display the fact that you’re on the up and up. If you don’t’ say you know it, then your clients won’t know that you know it. Let them know!

-Other items could include things like news about upcoming events, general information and reminders, teasers as well as product updates.

Last, but certainly not least, include an opt out selection. I know that sucks and all, as you don’t want people to unsubscribe, but if they do, you want it to be pain free. The last thing you want to do is take them from displeased that they

Date: September, 25th, 2009
To: All members of Speed-Star Club
From: Sw Eden, a staff member of the Google-high Museum
Subject: Meeting and Activity with Surrealist Artists at Google-high Museum

A new art exhibition is now installed at Google-high Museum. We wish to invite you and your family to join the artists meeting at 9.00 AM of Monday, 29th. The artists who will come to this meeting have done many surrealistic paintings, so you are freely to ask anything from them about their artwork. This meeting is also a really great opportunity for those of you who love to talk about artwork. You will meet new friends who speak in the same language as you, that is language of art. Moreover, we also provide some special things for you and family as following.

Surrealist Art Class for Children : If you bring your children to the Museum on that day, they can enjoy a free art classroom by two famous surrealist artists, Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. All painting supplies will be set for your children, so please no worry to prepare anything to here. We promise that you will see the artwork that you have never seen before, which is made by your children!

Discount from SubwayCard : This is for every family who come together more than two people; all other people with the same surname will be able to attend the meeting at the half price. This discount will be active only if at least two people in the family hold the SubwayCards.

Gift for You from the Exhibition : Mr. Ryan Ross, a surrealist artist wants to see your smiles with his Candy Exhibition. It is located on the third floor of the museum. You are allowed to be an artist to change the shape of all candy sculptures. You can take some candy, rearrange them or add the garbage of the candy to the original sculptures. Mr. Ryan Ross gave us the reason for this exhibition, that is he needs to have you as a part of artwork, as same as you are a part of nature. The real which is more than reality is something people experience in their routine, but they just cannot describe it.

Do not forget to bring your family, your children and your SubwayCards. There are so many surrealistic-art exhibitions which are waiting for you. And as you know that surrealistic art has never disappointed their fans. The Google-high Museum is near Speed-Star Club. Just take a 4-5-6 train to 86 street and walk to 5th avenue. The Google-high Museum is right there! We will be excited to see you! Do not miss it!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sw_eden/collections/72157604572682634/

Painting by Sw Eden

A quick afternoon swim through Google resulted in my finding this interesting read from the Los Angeles Times which discusses people’s intense desire to pursue the written word, despite being so overly wired. Throughout the column, reporter David Ulin asks some interesting questions…

Writing and reading are about engagement, about participating in a conversation, and inasmuch as technology can play a role in this interaction, it only draws more people in. How does the screen change things? This should have been the question of the last decade, but it appears it will unavoidably be the question of the next. What kind of platforms — social networks, Web, print, multimedia — are we looking at? And how do we move flexibly among them, using each according to its ability and taking from each according to our need?

Writing for the web, businesses and marketing is becoming more and more important as we transition from print to screens. However, there are still many questions and anxieties to be both answered and dealt with. What are some of the challenges you see facing the written word in the next decade? How do you think writing will change as we head into the future?

“If your not on my free training webinar:...”  (Sent this morning from a webinar junkie.)  What’s wrong with this sentence?  If you say, “nothing,” then keep reading. Even if you do see the error, keep reading. 

Maybe it Christmas party hangovers, or too much sugar, or visions of Sugar Plums dancing on your brain, or not enough ho, ho, ho.  I don’t know what’s happening, but within five days I’ve received over a dozen e-mails that use the wrong word in a sentence.  It may not seem like much to you or the person who misuses the language, but to those of us who want and need to have good grammar, punctuation and syntax, it matters.

Here are my top-ten stocking-stuffers for you, not only for this holiday, but also throughout 2010 and beyond:

1.Affect/effect. Affect is usually a verb meaning: change or influence.  Effect is usually a noun meaning: result or consequence.  Think: Affect – “a” for change; Effect – “e” for result. 

 Her mood affects everyone on her team.  The effects of the research made them money. 

2. Assure/insure/ensure.  They mean “to make certain or to guarantee.”  Assure is limited to people.  Insure is only for insurance.  Ensure is to guarantee.

Their boss assured them their jobs were solid.  Each year you must insure your house, car, health and life.  The management team wants to ensure that there’s a smooth transition.

3. Farther/Further.  Farther is for actual distance. Further is for characterisation of distance; moreover; in addition.

They drove farther than they thought on the first day of their cross-country journey.  After further consideration, her parents let her move into her own apartment.

4.Fewer/less.  Fewer usually means items that can be counted.  Less refers to mass items that cannot be counted, like water, air, chaos.

The seminar had fewer participants in 2009 than 2008.  (You can count the participants.) There was less confusion about the Health Care Bill after it passed legislation. (You can’t quantify “confusion.”)

5. Lay/lie.  These are forms of the verb lie.   Lay means “to put” or “to place and requires an object to complete the meaning.  Lie means to “recline, rest or stay.”  (If confused, substitute the word place, placed or placing for the word in question.  If one of these works, use lay.)

Please lay (place) those presents under the tree.  I lie awake at night thinking about the economy.

6. Its/it’s.  Its is the possessive pronoun.  It’s is a contraction for it is or it has.

My car had its engine replaced. I know it’s (it is) time to take a vacation.  It’s (it has) been snowing for four days. 

7. Than/then.  Than is a conjunction used in comparisons.  Then is an adverb meaning “at that time.”  

This winter is colder than last year’s.  When it stops snowing then I’ll go to the store.

8. Toward/towards. Both are correct; toward is the  most common. 

9.  Would have.  Use have, not of.   I would have (not “would of“) taken a different job, if I’d known the company was for sale.

 10. Your/you’re.  (This mix-up is the most common mistake I see. Refer to my opening sentence example. )    Your is the third-person possessive pronoun.  You’re is a contraction for you are.

 ”If your not on my free training webinar:...”   This needs to read, “If you’re not in….”  Use the contraction.  (“If you are not….”)    

I liked your training webinar.  When you’re available, I would like to go over the report.

 These are my top-ten word worries.  I hope you will look at them, study them, and then pass them along to everyone in your department, company and/or family.  Use the right word and you’ll stand above your competition; it’s a mark of excellence. 

Happy Friday. www.DeeDukehart.com  

Newsletters are a trust builder, not another advertising opportunity

ewsletters are a fantastic tool to help you keep in touch with your customers, let them  know what you’re up to, and of course, put your name in front of their face. However, there’s a swath of companies out there that instead of using their newsletters as passive selling tools, use their monthly updates as full blown advertisements. It’s a huge mistake.

Newsletter should be all about giving added value to your customers and clients. At the end of the day, newsletters are all about reciprocity. You use them to share tips, give helpful information and in general, provide your customers and clients with information that will help them. It’s all about building trust. The more trust you build up with a client, the more likely they will be to come to you when a need arises.

Many newsletters simply read like brochures, not informational pieces. When you sit down to write your newsletter, think about the purpose of what you’re about to write. In newspapers, which stories do you take more seriously? The ones with actual facts and figures – you know, the ones that have useful information? How do you react when the journalist seems more concerned with shilling a product or service? It becomes an advertisement, right? And heck, there are already plenty of those!

Make sure your newsletters have news and information in them that will be of use to your clients, not you. Newsletters that focus on selling, selling and more selling, usually end up losing more customers in the end, thus defeating the whole concept of a newsletter to begin with. Stay customer focused, and empower people to make better buying decisions and you’ll be ahead of the game.

Remember, givers gain!

A Winning Proposition: 

Tips on effective proposal writing writing

To raise your chances of approval, start with the reason you’re writing your proposal. You’re selling. That might come as a shock to meeting planners who protest. “I’m not a salesperson, I’m a meeting planner.” It’s true that you plan meetings, but like it or not, you have to sell. When you submit your proposal you are selling your ideas. And to sell anything, you have to focus on the needs and wants of the person you’re selling to.

 Jeffrey Lant, author of Cash Copy: How to Offer Your Products and Services So Your Prospects Buy Them. . .Now, defines your main problem this way: “Losing proposals are about the sender or writer, not the recipient.” His cure, “Take yourself out and shift the focus to the recipient exclusively.”

Ask Questions  Herman Holtz, the author of the Consultant’s Guide to Proposal Writing, puts his finger on the problem of most proposals: “They’re announcements instead of offers to do something.” But if your proposal doesn’t tell others how good you are, then what does it do?

Start by asking yourself, “What will be the results?” Make a list and study it. Then out of all the results ask, “Which ones will make the client (or boss or board) happy?”

For example, what will make the board of a professional organization happy? Fewer complaints? Lower costs? Higher attendance? More renewals? You know what they’re looking for because it was in your mind as you made your plans. So make a check mark by those results you feel will be the most appealing.

Carve Out a Theme  Take your pad of Post-it notes and write the essence of what your proposal is selling in one sentence. This will be a sentence that starts with “You get,” and not “I propose.” For example, “You get the training your members have requested” (for a proposal to an association). Or, “You get the destination most employees voted for last year” (for a proposal to an executive committee). 

Your theme should be your strongest benefit or result. If you have trouble deciding which one of several would be the strongest one, put yourself into the minds of the recipients. Ask yourself what problems they have and where they’re most vulnerable. For example, if your potential client suffers from high turnover, your strongest point might very well be how this plan helps the firm retain employees. If association renewals have been dropping, your plan could emphasize how this convention will bring them back up.

Start Writing  When you have the strongest and best selling point clearly stated in one sentence, write it on your Post-it. Stick it on the frame of the computer screen, where you’ll see it as you write. You can also put it on top of the file you’re using, or on your clock. Start with this sentence, and keep coming back to it as you go through your proposal.

Use this sentence as you introduce new sections, such as by saying “To bring up new membership renewals even more, the convention will. . .” You cannot expect a reader, seeing your ideas for the first time, to supply all of the logical connections you see so clearly. Spell them out!

Make Your Point Quickly  Write so others can read your proposal easily. The number-one need of readers is time; the number-one problem of readers is lack of it. 

So get to the point right away. Business surveys show that busy executives tend only to read conclusions. Begin with your strongest benefit and show how your ideas will bring about that result. 

Busy readers will not hang on to every word breathlessly until you get to the conclusion. Start with the conclusion and then support it.

Liven It Up  Many people do not enjoy the writing process. It’s hard work. But there are some tricks you can use to make your proposal more interesting. First of all, tell a story. If you can tell a true story about how such a meeting helped the XYZ Corporation raise its employee retention rate from 81.7 percent to 90.3 percent, then tell it. 

And don’t tell it in the abstract. Give details. Quote the satisfied manager or one of the retained employees. Use their exact words, even if they aren’t elegantly phrased.

When it comes to elegance, forget it. Writers who use fancy language in an effort to impress don’t. One of the nice things about business writing is that the simple word is usually the most effective. To keep readers reading, keep your sentences to an average length of 12 to 15 words.

Make a short test of the effectiveness of your proposal. Take a red colored marker and underline all sentences or phrases about results. Use another color to underline everything about you, how you will do the job, your qualifications or anything else about you or your organization. 

There should be lots and lots of red. Very little in the other color. If not, fix it now.

Read and Write Again  If it’s any consolation, even the best business writers have to rewrite. And many swear by letting a piece sit for a minimum of 24 hours before they try to rewrite. When you do come back to it, read it aloud. This will reveal all of the rough bumps. 

Substitute doing, thinking, or feeling verbs for being verbs. Instead of writing “the company is engaged in providing health services insurance,” put “the company sells health insurance.”

Take out adjectives that nouns can replace. Instead of a “great improvement,” talk about “an improvement of 11.43 percent.” And wherever possible, be specific, not general. Finally, check all spelling and then proofread one more time.

Now you have a winning proposal!

Both articles originally appeared in Successful Meetings magazine in different form.

WANT MORE FREE HELP? Go to the back issues of Communication Insights for timely short tips & action plans on communication topics.

by Priscilla Richardson

You’re setting up hotel reservations for your convention at an exotic foreign resort when you hear about a flood there, along with some deaths resulting from polluted drinking water. You fax or e-mail the hotel manager immediately, saying (choose one)

a. I just heard about all the people in your town killed by the water pollution;

b. We’re concerned about the terrible water pollution problem in your town;

c. What plans do you have for providing safe drinking water during our visit?

If you want a successful meeting, you choose “c.” Hotel managers know what’s going on in their towns. Treating this potential problem as a fact, when it may or may not be, insults both the manager’s town and hotel. Even if you both know for sure the drinking water did kill those people, you don’t need to rub it in.

Instead, get right to what you need: assurance of a safe water supply. Without putting down anyone or anyplace, you’ve asked for what you must have—safe water.

Unintentional insults to a foreign business person, no matter how well meant, are just one of the many pitfalls of communicating over international borders. The folks in Uganda or Argentina may speak English, but that doesn’t mean they think in English, or think the way American business people do.

Sometimes you need to call in a translator, sometimes you don’t. But in either case, you need to use English language communications that translate well. Because no matter how well translated, an insult still rankles. 

You protest, “But if they speak English I can just write in English.” Well, not quite. Think about how long you had to struggle to learn those #%$@ French idioms in high school. 

The non-native speaker has the very same struggle with English. This person looks up words and puzzles over phrases, just as you did in translating from French.

So how should you go about writing so that the translator can do an accurate job for you? Or so the non-native speaker can understand your English message?

There are entire books on how to do this: Internationally Yours (Houghton Mifflin) by Mary A. DeVries can help. But if communicating across borders, either in writing or in speech, is only an occasional event for you, here are some guidelines.

1. Practice respect.

Find out what title your correspondent goes by and use it. If the manager’s name is José Luca, then he’s Manager (or maybe Director) Luca or Mr. Luca to you. Most foreigners haven’t yet caught the American “first-names-only” disease.

If you don’t know the holidays observed in the country you deal with, ask about them. Your correspondent will be pleased you showed interest in local events. You’ll gain by having the information you need to incorporate their holidays into your plans or to plan around them.

Also remember that their Independence Day means as much to them as the Fourth of July does to us. Just relax; your fax won’t get answered on their big holiday.

2. Simply follow the “Use SWISS cheese™” rule.

The Use Short Words in Short Sentences rule will serve you well writing for any audience, here or in any other country. Following the rule lets you avoid pomposity and pretentiousness— follow the rule and say “help me” instead of “lend me your assistance.”

But don’t go too far with your short words: Non-native English speakers won’t always understand contractions such as “don’t” or “he’ll.” Nor will short versions of long words, such as “ad” for “advertisement” necessarily make sense to them.

This shortness rule goes for paragraphs, too. Remember how daunting it was seeing those huge paragraphs in your translation text? Well, so are these non-English thinkers similarly put off by long paragraphs in your language. 

Start a new paragraph frequently, so none goes on for more than three or four short sentences. Look at this article as an example of how to do that.

You don’t have to have more than one sentence in a paragraph, either.

3. Our everyday slang usage isn’t in their dictionaries yet so don’t use it. I heard the term “propeller head” defined on the radio today as “another word for techno-geek.” Well, I understood both terms, but neither “geek” nor “techno” to say nothing of “propeller head” have reached translation dictionaries yet.

“Techno” isn’t even in my computer’s dictionary. 

A foreigner may have lived or visited in the USA and know some of the slang terms we take for granted, but you can’t count on it. Even a not-very-current expression, such as to “go postal,” meaning to act violently in the workplace, may mean nothing to a British English speaker, just as their slang puzzles us. 

Slang today, standard English tomorrow (sometimes). For now, wait. Always use standard English words and phrases instead.

Remember, too, to speak more slowly on the telephone than you normally do. This makes it easier for the non-native speaker to keep up with you. Or for the translator to do her job.

4. Avoid any expression not literally true, with great emphasis on “literally.”

In a translation gaffe so bad it hit the front page of The Wall Street Journal, the phrase “out of sight, out of mind” came out in Japanese as “invisible, insane.” 

Another famous one involved a company who suggested in their letter to a German firm that it was time to “talk turkey.” The puzzled but meticulous Germans hired a translator to reply in perfect Turkish.

Classic idioms that native English speakers understand immediately just don’t resonate over borders. You’ll have to work hard to dig them out of your communications, because we take them so much for granted.

5. Try to use literal unimaginative language in simple sentences, no matter how inelegant it may sound. Elegance, like poetry, does not translate well except in the hands of the truly gifted. Meaning can and does, no matter how mediocre the translator.

These tips will take you a great way towards smooth communications, written or on the telephone, across language borders. And remember that a sincere compliment always pleases and helps ease your way, too.

Make sure your subject lines work!

Email marketing can be a rough world. Thousands of emails get sent out every day, with one out of 75 even being opened, much less read.  The subject line of any email is the most important feature of any marketing email. It’s ‘Do or Die’. If the message isn’t eye-catching, then it’s headed straight for the ‘recycle bin’.

Are you one of those people who find their emails being swallowed into the black hole of email ‘trash’ bins everywhere? In today’s post, we’ll help you out by taking a look at what it takes for your email to survive in this cruel, harsh reality we live in as we explore the ‘do’s and don’ts’ of subject line writing for email marketing campaigns.

Here are some things you want to DO:

• Personalize the subject line – If you can, add a recipient’s name (or get it automatically generated) into the subject line. It’s a great way of personalizing things without using you (we’ll get to that in a bit)
• Let them know who you are – Identify yourself. Put your company name in the subject line. It builds a bit of trust to know who is sending you information.
• Be concise- Don’t use more than 60 characters. Once you get past that magic number, you’re getting into no-man’s land.
• What’s this about, anyway? - Tell them what the email is about (i.e. “new ideas for fashion makeovers”) – especially if you’re in a service industry that can really be of benefit to your customers.
• Statement of benefit – Entice your targets with benefits. If you’re pushing a product, then I definitely recommend this approach. Let people know why this product should be important to them.

My second bit of advice would be to think a little differently about your emails as opposed to the rest of the sales copy you write. Spam filters can be finicky things, and even the most passive words can set them off.  Be selective of the words you use. Don’t be too ‘salesy’ in your text, as it will set off spam filters world-wide.

Try to AVOID the following:

• Don’t use ‘you’ – I know I just wrote this big post on the importance of ‘you’ in sales writing. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. This is that exception. When you get an email with ‘you’ in the subject line, you can almost always bet it’s not from someone you know. Use it in the body of the email. Use it in just about every other piece of sales literature you write. Don’t use it in the subject line of an email.
• Exclamation marks – I hate these suckers. Don’t whip people up. It’s one thing to appeal to their emotions. But don’t scare them into buying your product. It just doesn’t work anymore, and even when it did, it was sleazy.
• Avoid using buzz words – This is more or less along the same lines as using the word ‘you’. Use them in the body of the email all you want. Avoid them in the subject line if you can. Try not to use word like ‘free’, ‘sale’, ‘urgent’, ‘only’, ‘limited-time’, etc.

Following this advice should help out your email marketing campaigns. Your subject line is the first thing people see in an email, so be sure to put your best foot forward! If you come off unthreatening, inviting and interesting, your customer should be ready and willing to open your emails and read them.

Don't let your love for yourself sink your website

Last week I went out for lunch with a client to talk some shop and see about helping them out on a new project they had brewing. I got to the restaurant about 15 minutes early as I always try to do. I like to sit down, get comfortable with my surroundings, and gather my thoughts before meetings. Needless to say it helps clear my thoughts and get focused.

So I’m sitting there scribbling notes on my pad when I can’t help but eavesdrop on a conversation going on a few tables away between two business owners who are busy flexing each other’s muscles. One guy has been in business for 10 years, the other guy 11. One guy close a multi-million dollar deal, the other guy has closed two of ‘em. Back and forth these two went. After five minutes of listening, it became very obvious that the two were not listening to each other and likely this whole lunch was a big waste of their time.

So what does this have to do with anything related to you?

Well, I’ve talked quite a bit about how important it is to use the word ‘you’ in your sales writing. It’s the only word in the English language that allows you to instantly make a connection with your reader. Regardless of what your web site is for, whether it’s business or self-promotion, it should be geared towards accomplishing one goal, and that’s making a connection. Sure, you want to impress your readers, but you don’t want to be like the two guys at the restaurant, doing nothing other than showing off.

Don’t show off. Just show.

No matter how hard you try not to, you will inevitably have to talk about yourself somewhere in your copy, and that’s OK. How you do that, however, is crucial. If you are a single-proprietor, always use ‘we’ and ‘our’ when describing your actions and company. It makes your company sound bigger and creates images of stability and expertise. However, proceed with caution and try not to talk about yourself too much

I came across such a site the other day that was essentially promoting a one-man show. All throughout the site, he used the word “I” throughout the website copy. His site became more about him than his clients. I call those ‘ego websites’. Sure, it’s a bit harsh, but that’s pretty much how the site came across.

“MY Portfolio”

“I do”

“I Will”

“I have”

While I learned much about this person, I learned very little about what he would or could do for his clients. There was nothing but talk about how great he was (which I’m sure he is), but he’s missing the point of owning a web site to begin with. His readers want to know how his services are of use to them. Needless to say, there was a lot about what he did and what he was capable of, but nothing on how that related to a customer who might be stopping by his site for the first time. In fact, there was no attempt to build rapport with them on any level.

Strong website copywriting is absolutely essential. When all is said and done, people who visit your web site want to know what you can do for them. If you ignore them, your letting loads of business float down the river to your competition. Using “I” too much in your website will make you come across as though your ego is larger than your site itself. Keep the “I” statements to an absolute minimum and engage your readers by talking to them, not at them.

Even in our do-more-with-less, 24-hour business life, that there are some stories need space to be told, and some audiences that seek more depth than a headline. And when stories are well told, they’ll find one another.

This month, I’m curling up with the kids many evenings to read Kenneth Grahame’s classic The Wind in the Willows.  The story opens with the Mole in his dark hole thinking that it’s about time he ventures out into the wide world. So he digs his way to the surface, rubs his eyes, and sets off for adventure, soon meeting a true friend in the Water Rat and becoming our window to seeing the beauty of nature and friendship and, well, life with new eyes.

We’re just three chapters in and it’s clear that this is not a book for those whose attention span lives in 140 character bursts.  Here, a passage from chapter three, about the stories of spring and summer the animals told each other to forget, for a while, winter’s chill:

“Such a rich chapter it had been, when one came to look back on it all! With illustrations so numerous and so very highly coloured! The pageant of the river bank had marched steadily along, unfolding itself in scene-pictures that succeeded each other in stately procession. Purple loosestrife arrived early, shaking luxuriant tangled locks along the edge of the mirror whence its own face laughed back at it. Willow-herb, tender and wistful, like a pink sunset cloud, was not slow to follow. Comfrey, the purple hand-in-hand with the white, crept forth to take its place in the line; and at last one morning the diffident and delaying dog-rose stepped delicately on the stage, and one knew, as if string-music had announced it in stately chords that strayed into a gavotte, that June at last was here. One member of the company was still awaited; the shepherd-boy for the nymphs to woo, the knight for whom the ladies waited at the window, the prince that was to kiss the sleeping summer back to life and love. But when meadow-sweet, debonair and odorous in amber jerkin, moved graciously to his place in the group, then the play was ready to begin.”

I don’t know these flowers and trees and herbs, but I can’t help but to be moved by the pictures Grahame paints of each blossom marking days of spring and summer like acts in a play or floats in a parade.  That’s what I love about this book – it takes the time we need to be transported into this lovely world in the English countryside.

We all know that business writing doesn’t have this kind of time.  But reading Grahame reminds me that even in our do-more-with-less, 24-hour business life, that there are some stories need space to be told, and some audiences that seek more depth than a headline.

And when stories are well told, they’ll find one another.