It also meant that I unfortunately didn’t get to take part in the latest Feminist Fashion Bloggers series of posts, which as it’s on the subject of sexuality I would have liked to. Perhaps I’ll rustle up a belated post later on this weekend. In the meantime, here are the other contributions to the theme.

I’ve the day off today, however, and intend to wedge myself in front of the sewing machine and maybe watch a film or two by way of mental relaxation. Here’s a catch-up post of this week’s outfits in the meantime:

Monday:

 Cardi: Zara. Dress: Vintage. Shoes: Next via eBay

Tuesday:

 Cardi: Wallis. Blouse: Miss Selfridge via eBay. Skirt: Wallis via eBay. Boots: Duo via eBay.

Wednesday:

 Top: Wallis. Skirt: Vintage. Boots: Duo. Brooch: http://www.mockinghorse.co.uk

And today’s chilling out around the house outfit:

 Jumper: M&S via eBay. Jeans: TopShop. Shoes: Converse.

Hmm… I saw so many packs of trick or treaters out while I was on my way home that I’m now not entirely sure how many we’re going to end up with. On the evidence of the young ladies to whom I just answered the door, though, it’s apparently time for the slightly older (but not as old as they probably think they look) and rather less cute shift. Dearie me, bring back the chaperoned tots!

This month, the Feminist Fashion Bloggers are considering the subject of youth and ageing. It’s quite an interesting one to consider, from my perspective as a woman in her thirties who has looked – according to others – both younger and older than her age at various points in life.

From about twelve or so, people tended assume I was in my mid-late teens – I’ve never been asked for ID in my life, although when I look back at photos of me from when I was thirteen I can only assume that certain off licences had a policy of serving anyone tall enough to reach over the counter, because while I could have got away with being thought 16, 18 I did not look! I remember girls back then caking on loads of make-up to be thought older, working out at, say, 16 what drinks to order and how to order them with an air that suggested ‘legally permitted to purchase alcohol’. I heard a lot of ‘you’re so lucky you look older’.

At some point in my twenties, though, I seemed to transition to looking just a few years younger than I was. Someone that’s known me in a professional context since then still has to be reminded which side of 30 I am, having assumed I was just out of University rather than entering my second job, and I heard an awful lot of ‘you’ll be grateful for that when you’re older’.

I’m not really sure where I fall now, but I do find it fascinating what a narrow range of aimed-for youth there seems to be. I spent my teens being congratulated for looking 16-18 and my late twenties being congratulated for looking 25 or under, giving a range of less than a decade. Now, occasionally, someone will express surprise that I’m over 30, or they’ll reassure me that I look fine in spite of that – better than I did at 23, even. Which I personally think is true, but the rush to reassure me that I haven’t suddenly become invisible and undesirable now that my age starts with a 3 is rather telling of societal attitudes to both ageing and women.

I’m supposed, you see, to regard ageing as bad. I’m supposed to wish to remain young and attractive, with attractiveness being seen as harder (and more expensive) to achieve the further away from ‘young’ (which seems, from my experiences, to be ‘somewhere between 16 and 25′ – I wonder at what point one becomes ‘old’ and what in the world one is in between?) I get.

But I don’t regard ageing as bad. So far, all it’s done is improve my life and self-knowledge – there’s a few white hairs and nascent laughter lines, sure, but I don’t know why I’m supposed to see those as problematic so only positive effects so far. I don’t think that only the young can be attractive – attractiveness is about what a person exudes more than about the firmness of their flesh, and I know incredibly attractive people of all ages. And most important of all, I don’t think that Being Attractive is the most important thing to which we can possibly aspire.

I won’t lie and say it’s not important to me at all – I’m human, and I’m afraid I like to be found attractive as much as I like to be regarded as intelligent – but… is that how we measure our friends and family? Do we consider it of great importance that our loved ones look as youthful as possible? Of course not. We value intelligence, wit, warmth, kindness, the ability to know when you need a hug and when you need a kick up the bum, straight-talking – all sorts of completely non-physical characteristics that have nothing whatsoever to do with age.

So why are we encouraged to value different things in ourselves?

Jumper: Wallis. Brooch: www.mockinghorse.co.uk. Skirt: Vintage. Shoes: Dorothy Perkins via eBay. Belt: Primark.

Thumping headache this evening, so I’m afraid no conversation from me – I’ll be going back to bed shortly in an attempt to sleep it off! Night, night

Top: Wallis. Trousers: Next via eBay. Boots: Dune. Shawl: handknitted by me

Brogues. I completely failed to notice them when they became trendy again just recently, but I have a feeling I ‘need’ some. I keep trying to wear these trousers, but really they only work with flat shoes. It’s too cold for ballet flats, it’s starting to get too warm for my knee-length boots and the only thing I can see solving the problem is a pair (or two) of brogues. They’d be closed enough to wear with socks, flat enough to suit the length of these and trousers which aren’t getting much wear at the moment, and dressy enough to look smart for work.

Besides, I have a feeling that I’d rather enjoy rocking a bit of a Katharine Hepburn look.

Jumper: Wallis. Skirt: Vintage. Shoes: New Look via eBay

Well, here’s a thing. Since blogging about my refusal to feel guilty for putting on a few pounds over Christmas, I have, it turns out, lost a few pounds. Not all of those I gained yet, but it reflects what I said – I’m back into my normal daily routine, which involves more movement and fewer large meals with family than Christmas week, and my body is adjusting back to its normal state accordingly.

I haven’t lost half of the festive flub by suddenly denying myself the foods I enjoy (I like my food far too much for that – I’m absolutely with Caroline on the pleasure to be found in delicious food and the wonderfulness of feeling free to enjoy it, rather than denying yourself based on what other people might think) or throwing myself into an exercise regime that’s too intense to be sustained alongside the rest of my life for longer than a couple of weeks. It’s just gone away while I’ve been doing what I normally do.

Most importantly, the extra weight is going without me for one second feeling bad about myself, despite the general impression from the media that I am supposed to feel bad. Ads for all sorts of weight loss techniques have been pelted at me every time I’ve turned on the TV since January 1st,  and the media seems to assume that we’re all in a desperate battle against a rogue half stone.

Well, I am no longer buying. I had nary a moment of guilt over gluttony and shed not a single tear over tighter jeans. I have learned to love the body I have and the woman inhabiting it, and I accept a little seasonal fluctuation in weight as culturally more or less inevitable and nothing to stress out about.

Sal has talked eloquently about making peace with a seasonal weight shift cycle, and I think she is absolutely right. I am basically healthy. A few lb, predictably gained at a time when it is a cultural habit to move less and eat more, won’t really affect that, unless my eating and exercise habits are totally overturned by a couple of weeks of festive excess (good grief, no – I’m craving fruit and salad by the time January begins, as a general rule!).

We are sold, culturally, the message that we should feel bad, whether we are currently 2lb or 2 stone over our ideal healthy weight. A few gained pounds must be lost immediately. We are supposed to want to ‘get that swimsuit body’ instead of to feel ok about putting the body we do have into a swimsuit.

And as I’ve talked about before, even where weight loss would be beneficial for health reasons, using Must Lose Weight as a cudgel is so negative. It’s hard to see how taking positive steps to improve your physical health can be assisted by self-criticism and denial that hurt your emotional wellbeing.

Listen to your body, love it, allow the person inside it to be human and have its indulgences occasionally and the chances are it will be easier to treat it right overall than if bits of it are regarded as the enemy. And isn’t that healthier for your soul as well as your body?