The days are ticking away, and you’ve still got a few people on your left to buy for, no? BookKids has the solution.  With the help of some of our – and your – favity fave authors, we’ll find the perfect gift for everyone on your holiday shopping list.  Check out suggestions from today’s features authors, Pam Bachorz, Lisa McMann, and Stacey Jay!

Pam Bachorz is the fabulous author of the smashing new book Candor, a Stepford-esque sci fi that will make your skin crawl and your brain explode (in a good way). If you haven’t read Candor yet, get thee to BookKids so I can put a copy in your hands. And check out the Candor website, which will tell you all about the benefits of living in this small town in Florida. In the mean time, Pam was lovely enough to let her in on her favorite books to give this holiday season.

Here is her gracious gift-giving advice:
I am buying James Dashner’s Maze Runner for a certain omnivorous (adult) reader in my life. I want to persuade him to pick up more YA–there is so much outstanding YA out there that adults love. I know Maze Runner will keep him on the edge of his seat and it has enough intensity to keep any reader hooked.

I bought Harry Bliss‘ Luke on the Loose for the five year-old son of some hipster friends. This book is touted as a graphic novel for emergent readers, so it’s perfect for the kid who’s starting to read but still enjoys the support of pictures with a lot of narration in them. Plus it’s funny. And cool. I figure they’ll be feeding this kid a steady diet of graphic novels as he grows older, so why not get him started on the good path now?

Finally I’m picking up the first book in Suzanne Collins‘ Gregor the Overlander series for an 11 year-old boy who’s a bit of reluctant reader… but only because I think he’s having a hard time finding something that speaks to him. I was gobbling up this series before The Hunger Games exploded. It’s packed with action, humor, and it’s very original. I figure he’ll cut his teeth on this and then discover The Hunger Games when he’s ready.

This year at the First Annual Austin Teen Book Festival, I had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Lisa McMann.  Her warm disposition made me fall in love with her all over again, since I already adored her after reading Wake, the first in her sci-fi trilogy. Lisa’s books, including Fade and the highly anticipated Gone, are Austin favorites, so of course I was thrilled to have her on board with this holiday blog project.  I think BookKids Blog readers will be equally thrilled with what she has to share.

Lisa’s Tips for readers of all ages:

I bought Billy Twitters and his Blue Whale Problem by Mac Barnett and Adam Rex for a five-year-old friend because it is a hilarious story about Billy Twitters who has a pet Blue Whale and has to take care of it. I chose this because all five year olds should giggle. A lot.

I’ll be picking up Fat Cat by Robin Brande for my 13-year-old daughter because she loved Robin’s first book, Evolution, Me, and Other Freaks of Nature. Fat Cat is about a geeky overweight girl who does a months-long experiment for science class that involves her behaving just like the earliest humans — eating like they did, walking everywhere, no computer/phone/electronics — and there’s also some terrific boy/girl angst. Robin’s books have strong female characters and I’m a big fan.

And I just bought Nailed by Patrick Jones for…me. Merry Christmas, me! Er, I mean, I bought it for my 16-year-old son. Yeah. It sounds really good — I love a good artistic/creative guy story full of angst; bullying and watching characters deal with that all-too-common high school problem. Having artistic kids myself, this book is sure to be relatable. For my son. (And me.)

Stacey Jay writes books about zombies.  Clearly, this is all the information you need to know that she is super freaking cool. Her Undead series has really taken off here in Austin, and I can’t recommend You Are So Undead to Me highly enough. Seriously, come pick it up – it’s like Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Evil Dead. Stacey agreed to help us out with our holiday shopping, and I think you’ll enjoy what she has to offer in the way of gift-giving advice

Here are Stacey’s picks:

A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein is one of my favorite books to give. The poems are hilarious, gross, pertinent, and sometimes even a little heartbreaking (in the good way). I read this book again and again when I was a little girl and this year I’ll be giving it to a special eleven year old girl with a big imagination and an unholy love for fart jokes. (No matter how hilarious farts can be, I’m hoping the poems will help expand her idea of what’s funny.)

Gone by Michael Grant. This book disturbed me in a major way. I had a hard time getting through the first half because the descriptions of what happens when all the adults in this beach side town disappear were so graphic. That said, it was an excellent, haunting, thought-provoking read and I think a certain fifteen year old in my life will really enjoy it. (She has a higher tolerance for disturbing stuff than I do!)

Frankenstein Makes a Sandwich by Adam Rex. This is a picture book and one I haven’t read yet. My five-year-old son is a BIG fan of Pssst by Adam Rex and of all things monster, however, so I’m hoping he’ll enjoy it. He likes to read his Halloween picture books all year long…hmmm…wonder where he got that from?

This one is for the lot of you who so patiently keep returning here to our poor, neglected blog. Yes, you, who regularly request by email, by phone, or in passing conversation for more, more, more. It’s you who have brought me back from the literal and figurative mess of life to write again. So, here’s to you faithful reader for sticking with us through the thin.

while memorizing our history timeline cards

LIAM: Mom, what are philosophers?

ME: (trying desperately to simplify a rather abstract profession) Well, they’re people who study books and ask questions about various ideas and laws.

LIAM: Ohhh. (as if he’s had an epiphany, ) So, they’re nerds.

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in the stall of a public bathroom, while Burke’s pooping

BURKE: I love you mom. Even when you’re giving me spankings or when I’m angry at you, I still love you.

ME: You know what?

BURKE: Yeah. You love me EVERY day. Can you wipe me?

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trying to have a teachable moment on loving your enemy

ME: Burke, what did Jesus say to do when your enemy asks for a drink?

BURKE: Tell him to say “please” — “please can I have a drink?”

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trying to have a teachable moment on saying sorry

ME: Blythe, you said hurtful words, so now you need to say, ‘I’m sorry mommy.”

BLYTHE: I forgive you. (and so obviously assuming we were done, she turns to leave the room.)

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2010 Schedule of Events ……

Jan. 16, 2010 …………. 123 Jump …Charity …………………………………….Concord, N.C.

Feb. 6th, 2010 …………K-9 Pawfect Valentine Party and Photo Session

March 20th, 2010 …….Easter Portraits

March 27th 2010 ………..Furry Friends Easter Bonnet Parade for Salvation Army ..Asheboro

April  17th, 2010 ………..Mother’s Day Vintage Tea Party and Photo Session …….Gold Hill, N.C.

………… & Little Boys Country Vintage Photo Sessions

June 12th,  2010 ………………..Engagement Special on location ………………………………………………….

June 30, 2010 ……………Troy Fest……………………………………………………………..Troy, N.C.

July 22, 2010 …………….Back to School Special

August 15, 2010 …………Fun Beach Photo Theme …….fundraiser …Food Bank….Rockingham, N.C.

Sept. 18, 2010 ……………Fall Portraits

Oct. 9, 2010 ……………….2nd. Annual CommunityFest

Oct. 31, 2010 ……………..Monster Mash Cute Dog Halloween Contest and Photo Session

Nov. 13, 2010 ……………..Christmas Portraits

Dec.  11, 2010 ……………..Santa’s Coming To Town !

BOOKING NOW FOR 2010 !

Candor: openness, sincerity, honesty.

Walter Brueggemann is a recently discovered voice of inspiration. This sermon was given at Duke University Chapel on May 15th 2009. I cannot help but be laid bare by this sermon. I love it. This is the work I’ve done for two years, this is what I hope I am like someday when i’m all grown up.

I think Bruegemman is exactly right when he mentions that this is not an ordinary life, it is a life of yieldedness, of faithfulness and waiting. It is a life of trust, of candor and of suffering. The Christian life is extraordinary.

My favorite lines from the homily:

“My Times are in your hands”

“She tastes the bread and it [The Bread of the Eucharist] tastes like faithfulness”

What do you think of this? Any responses?

When I hear the pundits’ claim that Obama Care and government health care does not conflict with freedom, I would like to bring the following to their attention.

What freedom is: Freedom (n.) liberty, autonomy, lack of restrictions, self-determination, independence, choice, free will, sovereignty, openness, inventiveness, frankness, candor, and free expression (the last free which defies political correctness).

Antonym for freedom and liberty is restriction and conformity which is everything the Socialist Democratic Party is and is trying to force upon us, claiming to champion freedom.

This is what the Socialist Democratic Party and Obama Care and government health care is: dependence (n.), dependence, addiction, reliance, need, habit, craving, and ENSLAVEMENT.

Antonym for government dependency is, INDEPENDENCE AND FREEDOM.

The next time you hear Obama and members of the Socialist Democratic Party claim they are champions of freedom, open your eyes, as by all laws of freedom, they are mere liars.

You cannot say you are for freedom while creating dependencies which is exactly what Government ran health care is all about as with all other government ran social programs. Each chips away at freedom like a thousand paper cuts that brings down the elephant, freedom dies giving life to government dependency. Where freedom ceases to exist, enslavement is manifested.

Socialism is just a fancy word for slavery.

That is the view from here,

Duane

Much is made of the concept of “empowerment” these days.  Taken literally, all empowerment really means is the act of equipping another person with ability, or enabling them to act. 

All of which is hogwash.

Empowerment means giving workers at lower levels authority to make mistakes.

As applied to business, empowerment has become the buzzword of  “flat organizational structures”.  Relatively few supervisors manage a large group of empowered subordinates in these structures, and the basis of their success is the ability for decisions to be made at lower levels than before. 

Oscar Wilde said that, “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.”  He was correct.  Learning through our mistakes is the very basis of innovation.  Without the courage to risk failure, things stay the same.  Conversely, a culture of experimentation creates mistakes at a comparatively high rate.  It is through these errors that education takes place, and successful methods identified through a process of elimination. 

Using this philosophy, the flat structured organization succeeds through allowing mistakes to occur at much lower levels on the org chart than possible in traditional hierarchical structures. By making decisions at lower levels, the workers themselves learn the best methods and practices through trial and error.  This then has an infectious attribute that passes successful methods to other workers, who mimic the process.  Failures also become “tribal knowledge” and repeats of the same error are rare.  Methods evolve and change as new ideas are tried and qualified.  Mixed results tend to generate curiosity as to why, and therefore more experimentation to determine the cause of the variability.  These are all natural occurrences in healthy flat organizational structures.

Management in flat structured organizations requires a much different approach than in hierarchical structures. 

This is precisely why so many flat organizational structures fail.

Leaders in the new structure must move away from autocratic methods and towards facilitation.  Managers have so many reports that complete control is impossible, and therefore decisions are made at the lower level.  Facilitating sharing of ideas, opening communication channels, arranging for resources and tools, asking questions and prioritizing workflow … these are all the new primary roles of leadership in flat structured companies.  This new role is challenging in that it is based on communication and coordination, while keeping priority work being accomplished first.  More so than anytime in the past, trust is required between management and the workforce in order to keep vulnerability from inhibiting trial and error.  In short, unless the workers feel that management has their best interests in mind, they will not allow themselves to become vulnerable to mistakes that could harm their standing.  As is so often the case, managers whom the workers do not trust will not be successful.

Corporate politics is also death to the flat structured organization.  Politics create unanswered questions in the workforce regarding motivation, purpose and intentions – all of which inhibit trust.

In fact, complete candor and transparency is required of management in flat organizational structures.  Information must move quickly to those who need it most.  Goals, timelines, project details, workloads, and so forth all have to be efficiently communicated down the chain of command.  Often, more short meetings or electronic dialog is required in order to ensure everyone gets the word, and their questions answered.

Success is a terrible teacher.  Mistakes are the basis of innovation.  These two statements work together to create the formula for much of the trends we see repeatedly in business and in life.  Successful teams rise up from the process of learning through making mistakes.  Conversely, winning teams who lose their most senior members frequently begin to fail because no one is left who can identify those mistakes that are leading the team away from success.  In short, often long-term successful organizations fail to pass on the knowledge of earlier mistakes, thus making them unable to identify the basis of their success.  When errors reoccur, they go unidentified, and the process of re-learning must take place – often at the peril of the team itself.  Successful teams that cannot articulate the basis for their achievements are doomed to eventual failure.

Empowerment, risk taking, and mistakes learned from – all tie together to form the foundation of flat structured organizations.  A lack of transparency, trust or a political environment each has the potential to erode success.  Knowing these dangers and having the correct people in place in leadership is the key.

A number of years ago I was managing a customer service group whose primary function was entering orders from distributors and representatives into a business system.  As with any data collection function back in the days before secure internet/intranet, you ran into your fair share of missing, but  necessary and required information.  I had one of my best employees managing the order entry function.  She was terrific.  Mariel had been with me for a number of years in other capacities and I trusted her implicitly.

It was important to keep our customer information intact in a complex selling environment.  So I hired a data specialist to bounce out duplicate records, combine, clean, clarify…things that had been ignored prior to me owning the function.  The data specialist was Lisa.  I had purposefully ‘overhired’ intending to clean the data, get caught up, institute new policies and procedures, and then move her on to other projects.  I figured this would take about a year to accomplish.

Healthy friction is a concept you may have heard of.  To me, it’s the result of two or more competing needs coming head to head and seeking a middle ground where the most can be accomplished.  There is always give and take in these situations. 

I tasked Mariel with getting more orders in, faster, with less resources.  I tasked Lisa with fixing data and making sure that we were collecting the correct data up front.  Welcome to a good example of ’healthy friction’.

What ensued then began the path toward the third way.  The third way to me meant the give and take to get both things accomplished at once, with minimal impact on our channel, who were our ‘customers’.

What I didn’t expect was that Mariel and Lisa would stop meeting face to face to solve their issues.  Their relationship quickly devolved into intricate and pesky email exchanges.

They literally sat two cubicles apart.

Perhaps I was not sensitized enough to their plight.  Prior to their relationship really icing over, I had untangled several issues for them and they both seemed fine.  Sometimes things fell in ‘favor’ of Mariel.  Sometimes in ‘favor’ of Lisa.  Think of ‘favor’ as a combination of being on the right path and who ultimately ended up having to do more or less work, as the case was.

Things had progressed somehow to a point where they had stopped speaking, and had begun emailing.

There was only one answer to fixing this.

The three of us sat down and I let them hash out their differences.  I didn’t really have to say much.  The fact that I pulled them both in for a meeting was mortifying enough to these two professionals.  They knew they had gone much too far.  I played arbiter and we were able to work through not only a number of open issues but also the situation in general, their feelings for one another, and how things should work in the future.

There were all sorts of human issues going on.  Lisa thought I favored Mariel because of our long-standing work relationship.  Maybe Mariel was working that because she knew me and knew how I wanted things to be?  Mariel thought that I had given too much authority to Lisa and it was infringing on her ability to lead and manage.  Believe me, there were a number subtleties: age, life experience, being a parent versus being without children, the list goes on and on.

I told them I would let them continue to work things out, if they could do so respectfully, and face to face.  Not in email.  Not over the phone.  Remember, they were two cubicles apart.

I continued to assist and monitor and make myself available to them.  They never got over the feelings, I’m quite sure.

But they acted responsibly and respectfully.  And they both did tremendous work.

And in the end I got what I knew I could get:  better service for our customers and better data.

CANDOR – THE BIGGEST DIRTY LITTLE SECRET IN BUSINESS

Jack Welch,  former CEO of General Electric

I have always been a huge proponent of candor. In fact, I talked it up to GE audiences for more than twenty years. But since retiring from GE, I have come to realize that I underestimated its rarity. In fact, I would call lack of candor the biggest dirty little secret in business.

What a huge problem it is. Lack of candor basically blocks smart ideas, fast action, and good people contributing all the stuff they’ve got. It’s a killer.

When you’ve got candor—and you’ll never completely get it,mind you—everything just operates faster and better.

Now, when I say “lack of candor” here, I’m not talking about malevolent dishonesty. I am talking about how too many people—too often—instinctively don’t express themselves with frankness.

They don’t communicate straightforwardly or put forth ideas looking to stimulate real debate. They just don’t open up. Instead they withhold comments or criticism.

They keep their mouths shut in order to make people feel better or to avoid conflict, and they sugarcoat bad news in order to maintain appearances. They keep things to themselves, hoarding information.

That’s all lack of candor, and it’s absolutely damaging.

And yet, lack of candor permeates almost every aspect of business.

In my travels over the past few years, I have heard stories from people at hundreds of different companies who describe the complete lack of candor they experience day to day, in every type of meeting, from budget and product reviews to strategy sessions. People talk about the bureaucracy, layers,politicking, and false politeness that lack of candor spawns. They ask how they can get their companies to be places where people put their views on the table,talk about the world realistically, and debate ideas from every angle.

Most often, I hear that lack of candor is missing from performance appraisals.

In fact, I hear about that so often that I always end up asking audiences for a show of hands to the question “How many of you have received an honest, straight-between-the-eyes feedback session in the last year, where you came out knowing exactly what you have to do to improve and where you stand in the organization?”

On a good day, I get 20 percent of the hands up. Most of the time, it iscloser to 10 percent.

Interestingly, when I turn the question around and ask the audience how often they’ve given an honest, candid appraisal to their people, thenumbers don’t improve much.

Forget outside competition when your own worst enemy is the way youcommunicate with one another internally!

THE CANDOR EFFECT

Let’s look at how candor leads to winning.  There are three main ways.

First and foremost, candor gets more people in the conversation, and when you get more people in the conversation, to state the obvious, you get idea rich. By that, I mean many more ideas get surfaced, discussed, pulled apart,and improved. Instead of everyone shutting down, everyone opens up and learns.Any organization—or unit or team—that brings more people and their minds into the conversation has an immediate advantage.

Second, candor generates speed. When ideas are in everyone’s face,they can be debated rapidly, expanded and enhanced, and acted upon. That approach—surface, debate, improve, decide— isn’t just an advantage, it’s a necessity in a global marketplace. You can be sure that any upstart five-person enterprise down the street or in Shanghai or in Bangalore can move faster than you to begin with. Candor is one way to keep up.

Third, candor cuts costs—lots—although you’ll never be able to put a precise number on it. Just think of how it eliminates meaningless meetings and b.s. reports that confirm what everyone already knows. Think ofhow candor replaces fancy PowerPoint slides and mind-numbing presentations and boring off-site conclaves with real conversations, whether they’re about company strategy, a new product introduction, or someone’s performance.

Put all of its benefits and efficiencies together and you realize you justcan’t afford not to have candor.

SO WHY NOT?

Given the advantages of candor, you have to wonder, why don’t we have more of it?

Well, the problem starts young.

The facts are, we are socialized from childhood to soften bad news or to make nice about awkward subjects. That is true in every culture and in every country and in every social class. It doesn’t make any difference if you are in Iceland or Portugal, you don’t insult your mother’s cooking or call your best friend fat or tell an elderly aunt that you hated her wedding gift. You just don’t. What happened at a suburban cocktail party we attended recently is classic. Over white wine and sushi rolls, one woman standing in a cluster of five others started lamenting the horrible stress being endured by the local elementary school’s music teacher. Other guests chimed in, all agreeing that fourth-graders were enough to send you to the insane asylum. Fortunately, just before the music teacher was canonized,another guest entered the conversation, saying, “Are you guys crazy? That teacher gets fifteen weeks off a year!” She pointed to the doctor standing in the circle, who had been nodding away in agreement.“Robert,” she said, “you make life-and-death decisions everyday. Surely you don’t buy this sad story, do you?”

We are socialized from awkward subjects. Talk about killing polite chitchat. The new guest sent everyone scattering, mostly toward the bar.

CANDOR JUST UNNERVES PEOPLE

That was a light hearted example, of course, but when you try to understand candor, you are really trying to understand human nature. For hundreds of years, psychologists and social scientists have studied why people don’t say what they mean, and philosophers have been reflecting on the same subject for literally thousands of years.

A good friend of mine,Nancy Bauer,is a professor of philosophy at Tufts University. When I ask her about candor, she tells me that most philosophers have come to the same conclusions on this topic as most of us laypeople do with age and experience.

Eventually, you come to realize that people don’t speak their minds because it’s simply easier not to. When you tell it like it is, you can so easily create a mess—anger, pain, confusion,sadness, resentment. To make matters worse, you then feel compelled to clean up that mess, which can be awful and awkward and time-consuming. So you justify your lack of candor on the grounds that it prevents sadness or pain in another person, that not saying anything or telling a little white lie is the kind,decent thing to do. But in fact, Nancy says, classic philosophers like Immanuel Kant give powerful arguments for the view that not being candid is actually about self-interest—making your own life easier.

Nancy tells me that Kant had another point, too. He said that people are often strongly tempted not to be candid because they don’t look at the big picture. They worry that when they speak their minds and the news isn’t good, they stand a strong chance of alienating other people. But what they don’t see is that lack of candor is the ultimate form of alienation.“There was a huge irony in this for Kant,” Nancy says. “He believed that when people avoid candor in order to curry favor with other people, they actually destroy trust, and in that way, they ultimately erodesociety.”

I tell Nancy the same could be said about eroding business.

FROM THEN TO NOW

The make-or-break importance of candor in U.S. business is relatively new, actually. Up until the early 1980s, big companies like GE and thousands of others operated largely without it, as did most companies regardless of size.These companies were a product of the military-industrial complex that grew up after World War II. They had virtually no global competition, and, in fact,companies within industries were so similar to one another that they could often seem more collegial than competitive.

Take the steel industry. Every three years or so, union workers acrossseveral companies would demand higher pay and benefits. The steel companies would meet those demands, passing their increased costs on to the automotive industry, which would pass their increased costs on to the consumer.

It was a nice party until the Japanese arrived at the door with their average-quality, low-cost imported cars that within a few years became high-quality, low-cost cars, many of them made in nonunion U.S. factories.

But until the foreign threat spread, most American companies had very little to do with the kind of frank debate and fast action that characterizes a candid organization. They had little use for it. And so countless layers of bureaucracy and old-fashioned social codes of behavior led to a kind often forced politeness and formality throughout most organizations. There were very few overt confrontations about strategy or values; decisions were made mostly behind closed doors. And when it came to appraisals, those too were conducted with a kind of courteous remoteness. Good performers were praised,but because companies were so financially strong, poor performers could beware housed in a far-flung department or division until retirement.

Without candor, everyone saved face, and business lumbered along. The status quo was accepted. Fake behavior was just a day at the office. And people with initiative, gumption, and guts were labeled troublesome—or worse.

You would predict, perhaps, that given all its competitive advantages,candor would have made a grand entrance with the Japanese. But Japan didn’t make it happen, nor did Ireland, Mexico, India, or China, to name a few of the big hitters in the global marketplace today. Instead, most companies have fought global competition through more conventional means:layoffs, drastic cost reductions, and in the best cases, with innovation.

Candor, while inching its way in, still remains a very small part of the arsenal.

IT CAN BE DONE

Now for the really bad news. Even though candor is vital to winning, it is hard and time-consuming to instill in any group, no matter what size.

Hard because you are fighting human nature and entrenched organizational behaviors, and time-consuming, as in years and years. At GE, it took us close to a decade to use candor as a matter of course, and it was by no means universal after twenty.

Still it can be done. There is nothing scientific about the process. To get candor, you reward it, praise it, and talk about it. You make public heroes outof people who demonstrate it. Most of all, you yourself demonstrate it in anexuberant and even exaggerated way—even when you’re not the boss.

Imagine yourself for a second at a meeting where the subject is growth and how to get it at an old-line division. Everyone is sitting around the table,civilly talking about how hard it is to win in this particular market or industry. They discuss the tough competition. They surface the same old reasons why they can’t grow and why they are actually doing well in this environment. In fact, by the time the meeting ends, they’ve managed topat themselves on the back for the “success” they’ve enjoyed“under the circumstances.”

Inside your head, you’re about ready to burst, as you tel lour-self, “Here we go again.I know Bob and Mary across the room feel the same way I do—the complacency around here is killing us.”

Outside, all three of you are playing the game. You’re nodding.

Now imagine an environment where you take responsibility for candor. You, Bob, or Mary would ask questions like:

“Isn’t there a new product or service idea in this business somewhere that we just haven’t thought of yet?”

“Can we jump-start this business with an acquisition?”

“This business is taking up so many resources. Why don’t we get the hell out of it?”

What a different meeting!  What a lot more fun, and how much better for everyone.

Another situation that happens all the time is a high-growth business with a self-satisfied crowd managing it. You know the scene at the long-range planning meeting. The managers show up with double-digit growth—say 15 percent—and pound out slide after slide showing how well they are doing.  Top management nods their approval, but you’re sitting there knowing there’s a lot more juice in that business. To compound matters,the people presenting the slides are peers of yours, and there’s that age-old code hanging in the air: if you don’t challenge mine, Iwon’t challenge yours.

Frankly, the only way I know of to get out of this bind—and introduce candor—is to poke around in a nonthreatening way:

“Jeez, you’re good. What a terrific job. This is the best business we’ve got. Why not put more resources into it and go for more?”

“With the great team you’ve put in place, there must be ten acquisitions out there for you. Have you looked globally?”

Those questions, and others like them, have the power to change the meeting from a self-congratulatory parade to a stimulating working session.

TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCES

Now, you may be thinking, I can’t raise those questions because I don’t want to look like a jerk. I want to be a team player.

It is true that candid comments definitely freak people out at first. In fact, the more polite or bureaucratic or formal your organization, the more your candor will scare and upset people, and, yes, it could kill you.

That’s a risk,and only you can decide if you’re willing to take it.

Needless to say, you’ll have an easier time of installing candor in your organization if you are closer to the top. But don’t blame your boss or the CEO if your company lacks candor—open dialogue can start anywhere.  I was speaking my mind when I had four employees at Noryl, the smallest, newest unit of a hierarchical company that had a very dim view of straight talk.

It is true that candid comments definitely freak people out at first.

My bosses cautioned me about my candor. Now my GE career is over, and I’m telling you that it was my candor that helped make it work.  I was too young and politically clueless to notice at the time, but I was covered because our business was growing by leaps and bounds.

If we had the guts to be candid, it didn’t feel that way at the time—we didn’t know enough to know what candor was. It just felt natural to us to speak openly, argue and debate, and get things to happen fast.If we were anything, it was crazily competitive.

Every time I got promoted, the first cycle of reviews—be it budgets or appraisals—was often awkward and unpleasant. Most of the new team I was managing wasn’t used to wide-open discussions about everything and anything. For example, we’d be talking about a direct report at a personnel review, and in conversation, we would agree that the guy was really awful. His written appraisal, however, made him look like a prince. When I challenged the phoniness, I’d hear, “Yeah, yeah, but why would we ever put that in writing?”

I’d explain why, making the case for candor.

By the next review,we’d already be seeing candor’s positive impact with a better team in place, and with each successive cycle, more and more people made candor’s case with me.

Still, it wasn’t like I was singing with the whole chorus.

From the day I joined GE to the day I was named CEO, twenty years later, my bosses cautioned me about my candor. I was labeled abrasive and consistently warned that my candor would soon get in the way of my career.

Now my GE career is over, and I’m telling you that it was candor that helped make it work. So many more people got into the game, so many voices, so much energy. We gave it to one another straight, and each of us was better for it.

It’s really very simple—candor works because candor unclutters.

Yes, yes, everyone agrees that candor is against human nature. So is waking up at five in the morning for the 6:10 train every day. So is eating lunch at your desk so you won’t miss an important meeting at one. But for the sake of your team or your organization, you do a lot of things that aren’t easy. The good thing about candor is that it’s an unnatural act that is more than worth it.

It is impossible to imagine a world where everyone goes around saying what they really think all the time. And you probably wouldn’t want it anyway—too much information! But even if we get halfway there, lack of candor won’t be the biggest dirty little secret in business anymore.

It will be its biggest change for the better.

by Roger Pynn

An old friend has a sign on his wall that says:

“Honesty is a value.
Candor is a risk.”

I’ve decided to expand on that and put a new sign on my wall:

“Honesty is a value.
Candor is a risk.
Transparency is a must.”

It comes down to some simple concepts.

We simply expect people to be honest with us. Don’t you hate it when someone says “I’ll be honest with you”? It always makes me wonder when they stopped being honest with me … or whether I should assume they usually aren’t.

Candor is something altogether different. Many people would rather you not be candid with them. For instance, if you think I made a huge mistake in my choice of ties this morning I’d likely prefer to hear about it later if I’m in an environment where a tie is required but I have no chance to replace the monstrosity I am wearing.

Transparency, on the other hand, is a topic of much discussion in today’s often highly charged conversations about ethics. You could be both honest and candid with me, but if you have an agenda for being candid, the fact that you told me the truth is tainted.

Often in business you find someone attempting to reel you in with “total honesty” (one of life’s great oxymorons) but when it comes at you with what I like to call wide-eyed candor – that “golly gee I’m being open with you” look – beware.

Tell me the truth. Be candid with me. Tell me why.

He was beautiful. He always looked like he was a part of an exquisite painting. I remember when I first met him I was instantly mesmerized. It was his eyes. In certain angles they looked like bright emeralds. The way he focused them on me. Only for a few seconds just to say he noticed me but not long enough to say he was interested. For those first few fleeting brief seconds I could not breathe. It was a freezing moment in time for me.

The next day we went to an art gallery. We sat at a greenhouse in the gallery drinking coffee talking art and music. The art we eventually saw was beautiful. That was just the beginning. It lead to us taking his dog for a walk around town. Then cake at his place. Followed by a late night movie and finally beer at his place. He never for a moment lead me to believe he might be remotely interested in me.  He then opened his portfolio of sketches. They were sketches of nude women. Drawn very tastefully. They were beautiful. Women from his past he said. Then he started naming them.

He took me out for breakfast. We spoke about the oceans, deep sea diving and the life down under. I was fascinated with his life. It was not your everyday mundane routine. He was adventurous. I was completely lured by the danger and freedom in his life. I had never felt so caught up in someone before. Captivated by every word that came out of his parting lips.

We went out for drinks to a couple of bars one night. I was drunk in a couple of hours. He took me to the right bars. Bars that gave a stage for aspiring musicians no one cares to listen. We drove to the river. It was cold. The river was covered with ice. There was complete calm and quiet. It was peaceful. We rolled a joint and smoked it by the river. The stereo was playing Bob Dylan. We climbed out of the car and down to the river. The air was cold. No wind. We made our way back into the car. He jumped into the backseat. I jumped there too. I sat a little away from him. I was scared. What if he wasn’t interested in me? He said, “Come here”. I edged towards his lap. He pushed my hair behind my ears. “You have the most beautiful eyes”, he said. I could not speak. I could not breathe. He held my face in his hands and kissed me. It was long. Intense. Passionate. I’m not one to remember a kiss. This was a kiss to remember.

“My friend we met the other night also said you have the most beautiful eyes”, he said.

I still could not speak. Had a nervous smile on my face. He played with my hair while locking his eyes with mine for a long period of time. We said nothing. I was counting how many times I breathed in and out. I could barely breathe.

“Why don’t you come to my place for a bit?”, he asked.

” I have my period”, I stuttered. I WHAT!?!?! How did I manage to blurt that out! It took me three seconds to realize what I just said. Could not do much damage control.

“Who said anything about anything”, he smiled.

We got into the front-seat and drove to his place. It was already past 2 in the morning. We stepped into his house. His beautiful dog was there waiting for us. I spent sometime petting the dog. We eventually got on the couch.  We spoke for a bit before I stuck my tongue back in his mouth. I unclipped my bra. He made his way down to my breasts. Perfect he said. He turned the lamp on to take a look at them. Audioslave’s ‘Like a Stone’ was playing in the background. It’s that song that makes that moment perfect. Its that song that can take me back to that moment and remember in great detail exacting how I felt. Exactly how the room and his hair smelt. The song is always very important.

“Perfect”, he said again. He studied my breasts like an artist would study the object he intended to draw.

I asked him if I could undo his pants. He hesitated. I could tell the intoxication from the many beers and weed allowed him to say a ‘yes’. I took him in my mouth. He completely unleashed himself. There were no inhibitions. I could tell the magnitude of his pleasure with his movements. I had never felt more gratified giving anyone a blow-job.  He came in my mouth. He never asked if he could come in my mouth. Most men would ask. I didn’t have a problem. I wanted to take a part of him inside me.

“You should go home”, he said. “I’ll get you a taxi”.

“I can get myself a taxi”, I said a little hurt and confused.

He eventually dropped me home a couple hours later.

We spent days and nights together in fancy restaurant drinking expensive wine. He opened doors for me. He helped me into my chair. I was with a gentleman. I wanted him inside me.  No surprise.

It was late. We took his dog for a walk.  I stepped into his house. Only the night lamp was on. It gave the house a reddish effect. “Rusty Cage” by Soundgarden was on the stereo. Then we made love. We made passionate intense love. Not sex. Love. He was a giver. I was a giver. It was the perfect combination. I’m not a moaner. I was definitely moaning that night. Very vocal. The way he needed to feel every inch of my skin. Take every inch of me in eyes and with his tongue. I couldn’t get enough of him. I needed more. I needed to capture the moment. I needed to study it and remember all of it. I let myself GO for the first time. I let myself FEEL. I let the situation take control of me. I lost control. And it felt amazing. He was like the coated sugar on the chocolate cake that made the difference. I was tantalized.

His days didn’t revolve around me. I knew I wasn’t significantly important. I was just there and he was enjoying me. He swept me away but I didn’t show it. I knew better. Maybe he knew better.

Then it happened. We were standing outside his house one night for a smoke.

“You’re addictive”, I said.

“So are you”, he replied, “So are you.

Thats when I realized how similar we were in terms of commitment. We let ourselves feel but don’t let the other person know it. We believe in experience, in love and in happiness. But there is a correction – it’s not OUR love or OUR happiness. Just MY love and MY happiness. I’ve realized some people are born this way. To care about themselves more than anyone else. To be inconsiderate and put myself first in a relationship. To never compromise. To let the world revolve ME. That was ME and that was HIM. We were perfect for each other. We were both self-centered and stubborn.

I looked over towards him at a Leonard Cohen concert. He smiled. He was wearing white. His wavy blond hair looked so beautiful on him.

Leonard Cohen said, “I bless you with family and friends. And for those who are alone, I bless you with eternal happiness and peace”.

Thats what he gave me. He gave me happiness and peace. Thats what I needed. Thats what I want.

Intoxicating intense passion is an endowment to us. It can suck the air out of your lungs. You get caught in it’s tornado and never want it to let you slip away. Tornadoes are always fleeting. My tornado disappeared into the dust before I knew it.

All I have left is writings on this wall and albums in my closet to take me back 4 months to the ecstatic days that I wish to relive everyday.

“Don’t you know when you’re loving anybody, baby,
You’re taking a gamble on a little sorrow,
But then who cares, baby,
’cause we may not be here tomorrow, no.
And if anybody should come along,
He gonna give you any love and affection,
I’d say get it while you can, yeah!”

- Janis Joplin

With the news last week The Pentagon has requested General Stanley McChrystal, the US commander in Afghanistan, to delay submitting his request for additional troops, it sure appears that Yogi Berra’s famous quote “it’s like déjà vu all over again” is again occurring in Washington.

Remember the tension between Army Chief of Staff Eric Shinseki and then Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in 2003? General Shinseki told the Senate Armed Services Committee that “…somewhere in the order of several hundred thousand troops would be needed to stabilize postwar Iraq.” In a public rebuke to General Shinseki, Secretary Rumsfeld and his deputy, Paul Wolfowitz, called General Shinseki’s estimate “far off the mark” and “hard to believe” that more troops would be required for postwar Iraq.

When General Shinseki stood firm with his estimate, his retirement was accelerated. Ex-President Bill Clinton observed that General Eric Shinseki spoke frankly; making a statement that Secretary Rumsfeld didn’t want to hear. President Clinton said General Shinseki “committed candor.”

As we now painfully know, too few troops were committed to Iraq in 2003, requiring a 2006 troop surge to turn events in that country.

Today, President Barack Obama faces doubts from the American public about the war in Afghanistan. President Obama’s ratings are also slipping regarding his handling of foreign policy of late. The White House reportedly wishes to conduct a broader review of the Afghanistan war. With the focus on the healthcare reform debate, Iran and the economy, are Defense Secretary Robert Gates and President Obama squashing candor by delaying General McChrystal’s request for additional troops?

I’m not certain more troops in Afghanistan is the answer, but I do know that failing to allow the commanding officer to make his case on such a critical matter is harmful. General McChrystal’s request should be soon heard; reviewed critically and ultimately decided upon directly and timely. Let’s not discourage candor and prevent the very mistake made six years ago.

On this important topic, it’s worth remembering the quote of Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis, “Sunshine is the best disinfectant.” Candor is sunshine. Candor cleanses, dissipates the shadows, casts out the darkness and enables people to see.

Let’s make sure we commit candor. Are there places in your world that need this form of sunshine?

Another great debut on the Autumn 2009 Kids’ Indie Next List, CANDOR is high on my TBR pile. I snagged an early copy from Pam’s publisher at the ALA conference this summer and I can’t wait to get into this story. First, bring on the dystopian YA. Second, when I first read the premise, it totally reminded me of this “model community” near Disney called Celebration, Florida. I had dinner there for a work thing a few years back, and all I can say is… Stepford, anyone? Then I read that Pam actually lived in Celebration for several years, which is how she got the idea for CANDOR in the first place. Which makes me wonder if Pam herself has been indoctrinated by the “Messages,” too…

It’s a small world after all! It’s a small world after all! It’s a small world…

*Ahem* Anyway — guess you’ll have to read the book to find out what I’m talking about (and to assess the author’s mental resilience)!

About CANDOR

In the model community of Candor, Florida, every teen wants to be like Oscar Banks. The son of the town’s founder, Oscar earns straight As, is student-body president, and is in demand for every club and cause.

But Oscar has a secret. He knows that parents bring their teens to Candor to make them respectful, compliant–perfect–through subliminal Messages that carefully correct and control their behavior. And Oscar’s built a business sabotaging his father’s scheme with Messages of his own, getting his clients out before they’re turned. After all, who would ever suspect the perfect Oscar Banks?

Then he meets Nia, the girl he can’t stand to see changed. Saving Nia means losing her forever. Keeping her in Candor, Oscar risks exposure . . . and more.

Oscar’s 2009 Debut Party

Fasten your tinfoil hats, people. Here we go!

The Guest List

Any other isolated misunderstood YA characters are welcome to attend. But I’d really like to see Oscar and Holden Caulfield kickin’ it. They could compare notes on how to survive in a privileged world of conformity that you know you don’t belong in. Although Oscar and Holden have very different coping mechanisms.

Ahh, yes. The scene where Holden calls a prostitute to his room comes to mind… For the record, CATCHER IN THE RYE is my favorite YA book, so any party where Holden’s a guest? Consider me there. And as for Oscar — any friend of Holden’s is a friend of mine.

The Party

Small, with plenty of space to spread out and get away from other brooding, troubled YA characters who might be annoying you. We’re heading away from Candor, Florida, the town where Oscar is trapped. For once I’d like the guy to have a chance to see more than picket fences and manicured swamp.

As far as party themes, Oscar would dig any party that lets him break out of his perfect disguise and be himself, especially if he gets to do it with his love, Nia. So the only theme would be that you get to do whatever you want. And away from home, guests can load up on M&Ms and other goodies forbidden in Candor, Florida.

No M&Ms in Candor? Not even peanut butter ones?

*Dies*

The Guest of Honor: Oscar

He’s tossed his usual disguise/uniform of pressed khakis and a Candor polo shirt. Maybe he’s got a pair of faded jeans and a t-shirt with a design inked on it by Nia. She’s an artist. His theme song? Yellow by Coldplay. That song tells you everything about Oscar and Nia.

Pam’s Advice for Oscar on His Big Debut

Hey Oscar? See if there’s some kind of escape hatch at the end of the party… whatever you do, don’t go back to Candor…

Seriously, Oscar. They don’t even have freakin’ M&Ms there. Sometimes you just gotta say… WTF?

In the mean time, I think it’s safe to remove the tinfoil for now and join me in sending a big congratulations to Pam and Oscar on the debut! But do it quietly — we probably shouldn’t draw too much attention to Oscar, since he’s like incognito and all. Still. You should totally get this book. CANDOR is available in book stores now, and also online through Indiebound and other Web retailers.

Pam Bachorz grew up in a small town in the Adirondack foothills, where she participated in every possible performance group and assiduously avoided any threat of athletic activity. Pam attended college in Boston and finally decided she was finished after earning four degrees. Her mother is not happy that Pam’s degrees are stored under her bed. Pam lives just outside Washington, DC with her husband and their son. She likes to read books not aimed at her age group, go to museums and theater performances, and watch far too much television. She even goes jogging. Reluctantly. As far as she knows, Pam has never been brainwashed. Or maybe that’s just what she’s supposed to say. Visit Pam online.

Do you tell people the truth even when it might hurt them? When something is wrong do you say so? Or do you skirt the truth or even tell little white lies to avoid something unpleasant? If you have done this, how many white lies have you told to make others feel better?

My wife and I got into this big argument because I didn’t tell her when something looked horrible on her.  She is a beautiful woman, but she picked an outfit to wear that didn’t really flatter her when she put it on.  She asked me how she looked and I decided to tell one of those white lies and dishonestly told her that she looked good in it. I didn’t want to harm her, I just wanted her to “feel good.”

As you might imagine, the evening didn’t go as I had hoped as she got many other looks at herself throughout the night. Instead of her feeling good as I tried to engineer, she felt quite bad. It turned out that she was quite embarrassed how bad she looked. And I helped her down this terrible path.

As I was getting ready to sleep on the couch that night, I wondered how often this type of dishonesty happens in the realm of personal effectiveness with regard to leadership in the workplace.

Why did I lie? What good did it do. The truth came out anyway. Why try to make people feel good instead of telling the truth?

Speaking to fellow leaders, coaches and experts on the question of dishonesty for the sake of “peace,” I found that there was a real cost at work for telling white lies or “sugar coating” bad news.  In addition to showing a huge lack of integrity, when leaders do not tell the truth when speaking to individuals or teams about performance, ideas, etc., it actually undermines everyone’s progress and their eventual level of success.  Yet,  telling white lies is something that is done every day.

These “little” lies keep pushing people down the wrong path one nudge at a time. Unfortunately, it is more like pushing them off the ship’s plank into shark infested waters. It sets people up for failure.

It is as if leaders say ”Hey, here is a tasting pastry treat for you as you travel down that road of yours. I hope you enjoy the little sugary white frosting I put on top.”

But the ugly truth is “the sugar coating of white lies” seems to keep employees (or spouses) happy and moving along on a false sugar rush. The problem is that with all the “white lies” the sugar crash that is coming soon.  Instead of facing a difficult or crucial conversation, many leaders just keep feeding them the white lies because it makes them smile for now.  They shortsightedly think that it is easier (or less uncomfortable) than telling the truth.

What can you do?

It seems hard, but leaders must say what is so.  If performance is good, people should be recognized.  If it is not, it needs to be addressed.

Here’s how to keep those fattening and addictive white lies at bay:

1)      Understand how to have “difficult conversations” using the Crucial Conversations methodology:

• Be specific about what happened.  Avoid watering down the facts.
• Be honest and respectful.
• Discuss what’s recent and relevant.
• Watch for signals that the other person feels unsafe, and take appropriate action.
• Employ active listening skills

2)      Make a practice of saying two good things before saying the one negative thing.

People are hungry for praise and recognition, something they don’t get as much of as they should at work or at home.  It is important to make sure people understand you do appreciate what they do.  But please don’t patronize.  Telling someone something nice about themselves that is untrue is just another white lie.

3)      Create a Culture of Truth

It is not easy but in order to get truthfulness there must be an environment that demands, respects and allows for trust and honesty.  There are many different ways to make this a reality, but it starts with the leader insisting on it and regularly rewarding for it.

4)      Admit Failures Readily

“When you make a mistake, you have to acknowledge that is so.  If you don’t you are at serious risk of losing all credibility and there is only one way to get it back: Admit you were wrong.” – Dwight Eisenhower

5)      Teach how to come prepared with a handful of possible solutions with every WELL-DEFINED issue at hand.

Problems don’t make teams, people and organizations great.  Solutions do.  Make sure that there is a solution or at least a thought of a solution for every problem that is brought up.  Remember the adage – Don’t tell me that it’s raining.  Tell me how to build the ark.

6)      Teach how to build others up honestly and not falsely

Leaders must ensure that there is little room for spreading rumor and innuendo.  It might seem like human nature to backstab and undermine, but that is really only true in TV dramas.  Honesty on teams has shown to increase productivity, creativity and reduce absenteeism.

When you work alongside people you don’t trust and therefore don’t like, you’ll find the team becomes dysfunctional and can result in staff turnover, because people are sick of covering for lies.

7)      Fire someone at random just for fun to scare everybody else!

Just kidding!  That is horrible.  Never fire without cause.  But, you should not hesitate to remove someone that is not productive or honest.  Sometimes by losing one poor performer, a team can be twice as effective!

8)      When lies do happen, expose them gently and explain where that lie would falsely lead someone and re-engineer the trajectory with the truth.

People lie.  Unfortunately, leaders face this dilemma at some point.  It is critical that leaders  address them head-on.  Once a lie is uncovered, the person lying must do whatever it takes to correct it.  That could mean offering an apology, revealing the truth or anything else necessary.

So now what?

I’m out of the doghouse now. So here is how I stay out:

With as much tact as possible, I always tell my wife the truth now.  If something isn’t flattering, I will let her know with gentle tact because I love her.  That is the truth.  If you really care about your company, team and employees you will let them know when those jeans are just too tight.  It will save them a whole lot of embarrassment.  It will also prove that you care so much about them that you can tell them the truth, even when it is hard to hear.

That is the mark of a leader.

Are you sugar coating poor performance of an employee?  Do you tell people when they are risking failure or do you allow them to fail to not hurt their feelings?  Do you avoid honesty so people like you?  If so, you could be doing more harm than good.

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—————————————————————-
Anil Saxena is President of cube214 Consulting.
He can be reached at anil@cube214.com

Image Source: ploomy.com, zazzle.com

I was talking to an executive recently about organizational communication.  He said that he believed basic business skills were often important in landing entry-level jobs, but that being promoted relied more on communication than business savvy.  While I hesitate to make the same generalization, I do think most managers need the ability to communicate with employees, and I would argue that most managers-to-be are untrained in that ability.  And most organizations don’t provide that either.

One of the most important challenges a manager faces is confronting employees.  Although employees may dream of the ability to confront others, such conversations, when done appropriately, often require extraordinary amounts of courage.  All Things Workplace has great tips for approaching those tough conversations.  I’ve also just started a book called Crucial Conversations that someone recommended that I am expecting to address similar topics.

But of course, managers aren’t the only ones who face tough conversations.  See here and here for more tips from All Things Workplace on honesty and candor.  I think one of the reasons these posts really spoke to me was that honesty and candor are traits that we crave but so rarely find.  Perhaps you can be the exception in your workplace.  If so, I predict that people will notice and appreciate you.

Candor by Pam Bachorz
Candor is the perfect city where perfect teens live perfect lives and make their perfect parents proud. Oscar knows why – his father, the founder, developed technology that makes even the most rebellious teens conform. Oscar gets kids out…for a price. Then he meets Nia, an artist and a rebel, and he finds himself smitten.  Oscar wants to change – he wants to save Nia, whether that means getting her out or hiding her in plain sight.  But the powers that be are stronger than even Oscar realized, and soon he is asking himself what sacrifices he is willing to make for love.  Candor is a terrifying, heartbreaking, slightly insane story that clearly resonates a Stepford vibe and keeps the reader guessing through the last page.  If you’re looking for a chilling sci-fi, this is your book.

Possessions by Nancy Holder
Lindsay is a scholarship student at Marlwood Academy. Surrounded by rich girls, Lindsay isn’t sure she’ll survive. Of course, fitting in is the least of her worries once she discovers queen bee, Mandy’s, weird obsession. Marlwood has a secret past, and Mandy and pals are up to no good…in a black arts, raising the dead sort of way.  Possessions is the novel Steven King would have written has he been asked to write Gossip Girl – full of the posh cliques, girlie drama and high school shenanigans, but also scary as Hell.   With its creepy, secluded setting, ethereal language, and leanings toward the occult, Possessions is the perfect book to not read alone in the dark.

Ash by Malinda Lo
Forget that this groundbreaking novel is a lesbian retelling of Cinderella.  That’s not the whole story.  That’s just a buzzline that is, yes, intriguing, but does little justice to Malinda Lo’s elegant narration of a new story: the story of Ash.  Aisling is the daughter of a greenwich’s former apprentice, and was raised on the fairy stories of old. But these stories have lost favor in the city, and when Ash’s father remarries after her mother’s tragic death, it is Ash’s poor luck that he would choose a city woman for a wife.  Ash’s stepmother also brings two daughters, and it isn’t long before Ash is delegated to the lower class of the household.  When Ash’s father falls ill, she knows her life will never be the same.  Now a servant in her own home, Ash’s only reprieve is her walks in the woods, where she meets the mysterious Sidhean, a fairy man who, unlike the fairies of Ash’s stories,  does not seem to wish her harm.  But it isn’t Sidhean who enchants her – it’s the King’s Huntress, Kaisa, who stays on Ash’s mind.  Melinda Lo’s elegant style makes this is truly one of the most remarkable books I’ve read this year, and readers who like a good fairytale – regardless of their sexuality or gender – will fall in love with Ash.

What a beautiful lovely morning with a nice warm breeze in which one encountered while taking a daily stroll near the bay. There were a few people on the route as they were walking dogs of all types and sizes. While sending hearts to friends and family on Facebook, there is one of them who isn’t on Facebook. Would like to send some imaginary hearts and flowers. One’s friend is in the hospital in Birmingham. One phoned her home number this past week and there wasn’t an answer, so one phoned her mobile number and she cheerfully answered. The hospital are running tests for various reasons and issues. Unfortunately she will have a six week stay as she will have a couple of operations in the course of the stay. One would surmise that the recouvery time will be lengthened. She is a very good friend and she and myself have engaged in some very good debates, as well a some friendly conversations over the years. As sometimes we have a different point of view we always have had respect for the freedom of expression. She has given me added knowledge that is wonderful. She is very straight forward in her thinking and will voice her opinion regardless. This is very good. She hasn’t complained as far as her health issues. She just takes one day at a time and is very thankful for that. Her laughter is unmistakable and genuine. Her heritage is Scot-Irish which is good in many ways. Her friendship is long- lasting and she resembles a grandmother in which one has not known in one’s life. So one is grateful for this in unmeasurable ways. One will have confidence that she will be alright and will be home soon.

Amo el cristal de tu mirada

el espejo profundo y sombrìo de tus ojos.

El nerviosismo y el candor de tu risa

esa risa alegre,  risueña, que suena a traviesa.

Amo el mar de añoranza de esos bellos ojos

que calman mis antojos

y que me alzan en revuelo

 con suaves aromas  que son sus mensajes

con letras  de vida y motivaciòn.

Who cares about all the reasons I can’t find time to write. Maybe we’ve been visiting family. Or possibly mailing the letter my 5 year-old wrote to Michael Bay politely demanding to know why Bay didn’t make Transformers 2 for kids. Maybe I was too busy asking Blythe for the mango that she was delightfully referring to as “her BIG penis.” Maybe I was clarifying for Burke who we obey after he had confidently answered ”Satan.” Maybe I was taking a moment to watch Olive roll over, squeal with delight, get her first haircut, or grow her first two teeth. Quite possibly I may have been on a long-overdue date with Mark in Houston watching Coldplay. Or having/going to/planning for a meeting of some sort involving people who love Jesus, home-school their kids, or like to eat food together. Maybe we were swimming. Maybe we were explaining to Liam why he couldn’t have my grandfather’s machete. Maybe we were commending Burke for standing up to people who might call him “coward” (as it happens in Call it Courage) or refraining from raucous laughter when he explained that he would do so by boldly saying “don’t call me Howard!” Maybe we were celebrating our now potty-trained Blythe. Or enjoying the way she replaces every “I” with “my” (e.g. “My like ice cream.” or the more recent favorite, “my-reka” instead of “Eureka”), or perhaps how she sometimes likes to discuss how “HUMAN it is outside.” Maybe we were reading. Maybe we were admiring Burke’s sculpted stegosaurus from clay or Liam’s pastel drawing of the polar ice caps or Blythe’s experiment in color with acrylics. Maybe we were sleeping. Not too much though. Anyway, here are some photos to document our busy existence.