Barbara Walters recently came out with her list of Most Fascinating People of 2009.  So I decided I would make my own (and in my humble opinion, even better) list.  Here are my favorite celebrities of ‘09…

1. Adam Lambert

Okay, so the whole American Music Awards thing was kind of, well… gay, but not in the good way.  When I heard there was a man-on-man kiss, I was nothing but happy there was finally going to be some media representation of this segment of the population.  But the kiss seemed rushed and awkward and like they were trying way too hard.  It just wasn’t the sexy kiss I was expecting.  (I’m a straight woman, but I still wanted a sexier kiss.)  As for the other controversial “dance move,” well I won’t go there (and really wish Adam hadn’t either).   

But in the end, I don’t really care.  He’s a rock star, and rock stars do weird things.  They take chances and push boundaries.  Sometimes it works out for them, sometimes not.  Adam, like all entertainers, puts himself out there in the public eye for people to praise or tear down, never knowing which it’s going to be.  You have to admire him for that alone.  (Well, you don’t have to, but you should.)  From everything I’ve seen and heard, Adam Lambert seems like a genuine, straight-forward, and kind-hearted person. 

And let’s not forget, that boy can sing.  I will buy every CD he ever puts out.   I love his voice, I dig his personality, and I think he’s awesome (which would explain why he’s on my Most Awesome list).

2. Bethenny Frankel

The Real Housewives of New York has the most memorable and funny lines of any show out there, including non-reality shows with teams of professional writers.  And the reason is this:  Bethenny Frankel.  Her off-the-cuff, no-nonsense commentary is hilarious.  She’s the reason I watched this show beyond Season 1. 

Not only is she funny, she’s intelligent and beautiful and she can cook!  More reasons for her awesomeness:  she owns her own business, she invented a margarita (get the recipe), and she wrote a best-seller (Naturally Thin: Unleash Your SkinnyGirl and Free Yourself from a Lifetime of Dieting). 

Bethenny is currently expecting her first child.  Congratulations, Bethenny–you deserve all the happiness in the world!

3. Bobby Moynihan

One of the funniest people on SNL right now is Bobby Moynihan whose best-known SNL skits are probably the ones where he plays the son of the Italian talk-show host.  He gets surprisingly little air time on the show–I’m not sure what Lorne is thinking.  What I’m thinking is that this guy probably has a majorly awesome career ahead of him which will surpass Saturday Night Live, ala Steve Martin or Mike Myers–he’s that funny.  (My predictions are pretty accurate–see #5.)  I hope to see more of him in movies or other tv shows soon.

4. Brent Spiner

Why is Brent Spiner, aka Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation, on a list for 2009?  Because I discovered something awesome about him this year–his wickedly sarcastic sense of humor.

And I have Twitter to thank.  Without it, I never would have known that Spiner is funny…in a bitter and biting way, but that’s the kind of humor I like best, so it works for me.  Some of my favorite twitter comments from him: 

• When someone who had been unsuccessfully trying to get him to talk to them on twitter made a comment that they weren’t stupid enough for him to reply to, he chose that comment to answer.  His response:  “Yes you are.” 
• When someone accused him of only tweeting about his glory days in the 90s, he replied “Not true. I also tweet about the 80s.”
• When someone asked “What are the prerequisites for you to consider someone an idiot?” he answered “Questions like this.”

If you enjoy being verbally abused, or if you just want a good laugh, you, too, can follow Brent Spiner on Twitter.

5. Chris Pine

Back in 2005, I predicted Chris Pine would be a big star.  I also said Alec Baldwin should focus on comedy, long before he starred in 30 Rock.  I should really have my own network or movie studio (haha).  But enough about me, let’s talk about Chris.  He’s cute, he’s charismatic, and he makes a great Captain Kirk.  It turns out I’m not the only one who thinks he’s awesome.  GQ named him their 2009 Breakout Star of the Year.

I’m going to go waaay out on a limb here and predict that Chris Pine will be in many more Star Trek sequels. 

6. Craig Ferguson

I hate talk shows.  They’re just not my thing.  Yet I watch The Late Late Show religiously.  Why?  Because of the awesomeness that is Craig Ferguson.  Besides, where else can you find talking crocodiles, gay Aqua Man, and a weird little lip-syncing guy with suprisingly large biceps in a leather bondage outfit all in one place? 

Also, this is the one talk show where the conversations with the guests aren’t scripted.  Craig keeps it real, and his silly humor and quick wit make this one of the best shows on television.  His latest thing is the “awkward pause” which he uses to take the audience into commercials, as opposed to a round of applause.  I don’t know of anyone other than Ferguson who could turn an awkward pause into something funny and entertaining.  It’s always a great day for America when Craig is on the air.

And if that’s not enough, he’s got a sexy Scottish accent and a bestselling autobiography called American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot.  I bought it and loved it.  I suggest you listen to it on audio, like I did, to get the full effect.

7. Jeremy Davies

You might know him as the scientist guy on the popular television series, Lost, or from the cult-classic movie, CQ, or from his supporting role in Saving Private Ryan.  Or, you might not know him at all.  But you will.

Not only is Jeremy Davies an awesome actor, he brings a little of his own zen-like calm yet quirky demeanor into every role he plays.  He has a presence on screen, and whenever he’s in a scene, my attention is naturally drawn to him.  Any project he takes on is going to be 10 times better just from him being in it.  If I was a casting director, he would be my “go-to” guy, and I expect to see him in more high-profile roles in the future.

8. Maria Lark

So what if Patricia Arquette won an Emmy for her role in Medium?  Anytime Maria Lark (who plays Arquette’s daughter) is in a scene, she steals the show.  You just can’t compete with a cute face like that.  And her acting skills are remarkable.  Maria, who is adopted, was actually born in Siberia.  Though young, she has already co-starred in a hit show and co-hosted The View with Barbara Walters!   How awesome is that?!

I always look forward to episodes of Medium where Maria has a larger role.  I simply adore this amazing, pretty, and talented girl.

9. Travis Wall

Travis was great as a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance, even dancing in the Emmy-winning piece, The Bench.  It turns out his awesome skills extend to choreography, as well.  The numbers he comes up with are not only consistently good, they are usually the stand-out pieces of the show. 

I’m thrilled that shows like So You Think You Can Dance give me a window into the work of gifted and talented dancers and choreographers like Travis.  People are speculating that he’ll get an emmy nomination for his work this year, and I have to agree that he’s certainly deserving of one.

Travis also has his playful side.  On a previous season of SYTYCD, he donned  a sexy red dress and blonde wig and did a silly yet technically challenging and hilariously entertaining dance.  I think the producers pulled the video from youtube, claiming copyright issues (boo! have you never heard of free advertising, dimwits?), but you can see a still photo here.

10. Zachary Quinto

Yes, he played Spock in the Star Trek movie, and yes, he was awesome in it, but that’s not why he’s on the list.  He’s here because of something far more sinister…Sylar.  Zachary Quinto plays Sylar, a sociopath with superpowers, in the tv show, Heroes.  And he’s really good at it.  So much so that whenever I see him in something else, even if it’s just an interview, I get a little chill.  The dude freaks me out.

He has a great role to play in Sylar and skilled writers to thank for some excellent lines, but I don’t think anybody else could deliver those lines quite like Zachary Quinto.  Sylar is a bad, bad man, but he has so much fun being evil that I kind of look forward to him wreaking havoc with the other characters’ lives.  Sylar will stand out as one of the most memorable villains of all time, even after Heroes is no longer on the air, and we have Zachary Quinto to thank for that. 

* * *

So there’s my list of the most awesome celebs of 2009.  Agree?  Disagree?  Have someone you’d like to add?  Leave a comment and tell me your thoughts.

Gorn

For anyone not up on their Star Trek the Gorn are a race the Federation first encounter in the TOS episode “Arena”. Kirk Fights the Gorn captain on a planet and eventually kills him with a CANNON  he made from a bamboo tube and the raw ingredients for gun powder, yes very smart we can be when confronted by an angry actor in a lizard suit. But does it actually work, the truth is finally revealed

Arena

Mythbusters

Tired of mowing his lawn Captain Kirk decided to stun it

(William Shatner)

He can do that. He’s a badass

Picture by: vega Caption by: dunno source via Our LOL Builder

» Recaption This!

» View All Captions

Emperor Who?

Slept better last night, thanks to Valerian, a herb with soporific tendencies. It’s sop-errific, Captain! (My spell-checker is going crazy.) Another comment from Jill Sands, who compliments Mark on his erudition. Maybe they are meant for each other, after all.

It’s wet again. Remember the film Dead Again? I try not to, either. On seeing this in Madrid, I asked my Spanish friends:

?Que pensais de nuestro maravilloso Kenneth Branagh? (What do you think of our marvellous Ken?) – to which the reply was:

I think he should take up some other profession. (Creo que deberia tomar otra profession.)

Yesterday I was so tired that I worked at home, with the result that I missed a rendezvous with Claire, which I had been convinced was on Thursday. Sorry, Claire! Shame – I was looking forward to it.

Have a good day. I’m going to focus on the novel today – I’ve been neglecting it. Pre-natal knots and knots of the psyche today.

Heigh, ho!

Kirk out.

PS Just thought of a joke:

Fan to Willian Shatner: When can we expect you back in the body of the kirk, William?

You might have to be Scottish to appreciate this. I’m not Scottish – I just read a lot of Ian Rankin. Mark is half-Scottish.

Oh, William Shatner, how I heart you and your vocal stylings.

I found Shatner’s rendition of the Elton John tune “Rocket Man” and I can’t get enough of this. It was part of the televised 1978 Science Fiction Film Awards.

As if his singular version isn’t trippy enough, through the “magic of television” they bring in a couple of other versions of Shatner for a trio finale.

I wonder if Travelocity could use any of this footage in their commercials? Nahh.

As a bonus, you get Karen Black introducing Bernie Taupin at the front end of the clip.

Of course, Family Guy lets Stewie do his dream version of Shatner, but I’ll stick with the truly original Captain Kirk puffing, sweating and offering dramatic pauses as he wends his way through Elton’s tune.

Of course, I’ve previously documented here at the Queen’s abode some appreciation of Captain Kirk’s appeal to alien babes and the Star Trek theme song.

Sarah Palin turns the tables on William Shatner last night.

Love it!!

See pictures on her Facebook page.

Quality video here.

Posted:  12.12.09

I’m trying to get in the Christmas spirit, but haven’t had much luck lately.

Oddly enough, these geeky little Christmas ornaments may have helped perk up the spirits a bit, considering I have actually had two of them dangle from my own tree.

Yep, Newscoma has the Captain Kirk and Dr. Spock ornaments.

It seems, there are ornaments for all sorts of gamers out there too.

Everything from the old-school NES

to the Wii can dangle from your Douglas Fir.

And who needs fruit cake (even an inflatable fruit cake) when there are sushi ornaments available.

Toxel the full list of 14 unusual Christmas ornaments

Oddbounces News Service, December 11, 2009 – As Steelers’ playoff hopes essentially died Thursday in Cleveland, Pittsburgh-area officials were quick to report an expected bump to its local economy, as millions of jobless Steelers fans will soon return to vacated drive-thru jobs.

“Our economy is built around the fast-food drive-thru industry,” said Pittsburgh Chamber of Commerce president Black Lungston. “Each year millions of Steelers fans leave their drive-thru jobs to blog 20 hours a day about the Steelers.”

According to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, nearly 92 percent of all Pittsburgh drive-thru positions have gone unfilled since the first 2009 pre-season game.

Byron Krunk, known on NFL blogs as 2-4-Da-Thumb, and who still owns the blogosphere record for most usage of the word “Bungles” (27,546,712), is already looking to the 2010 season. “No way I’m going back to Wendy’s,” Krunk said. “No F—ing way. Sure, I had a highly challenging job there, but we can’t give Cincinnati one moment’s peace. They Bungles. Bungles suck, Bungles blow, Bungles bite me, Bungles eat me, Bungles are Bungles!” Krunk spent 12 years as a drive-thru trainee at a Pittsburgh-area ButtyBurger.

Pittsburgh resident Spike Turner sees it differently. “Sure, I’m a Steelers fan and hate to see them lose … but having to park and actually go inside for a burger? Hell no, me and my family just stay home. Oh yeah, Bungles suck, Bungles blow.”

Google Search spokesperson Terri Gradshaw said her company each year must reinforce server capacity due to heavy keyword traffic coming from Pittsburgh zip codes. “When the Steelers get eliminated,” Gradshaw said, “we start seeing heavy blog use of keywords like Bungles, Bungles suck, Bungles blow, Bungles bite me, Bungles eat me, Bungles are Bungles … even some ‘Bungles are dumbherds’, but we think they mean ‘dumbheads.’ They’re bad spellers in Pittsburgh.”

When informed of the Steelers loss, the Pittsburgh Fast-Food Drive-Thru Association said, “Bungles suck, Bungles blow, Bungles bite me, Bungles eat me, Bungles are Bungles … Bungles are dumbherds.

Kate Langenburg/A&E Groove

I may be a bit late in posting a review about the new Star Trek. It is not all that new, but I have just recently seen it. My review summed up in one sentence? I don’t get it.

Not being a star trek fan (trekkie) and having never seen any of the television shows put me at a great disadvantage. I’m sure many of you in my position feel the same way. The movie feeds off of the show…and if you don’t know anything about that, well then you’re out of luck with this one.

The main idea of the film is that you get to see how Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock first met. You see them as young children, then as the middle aged space warriors everyone knows and loves. (At least I understood that much.)

I pretty much sat on the couch in a daze of confusion for the movie’s drawn out two and a half hours while my counterpart sang a snippet from Adam Sandler’s “Hannukah Song” over and over again…Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock — both jewish! We were thoroughly befuddled.

There was a lot of good action though! The special effects blew up the screen, officially making this a flick for the trekkie action film lover. I’m sure you trekkies had your hands full on this one.

P.S. I miss Shatner.

Me man. Me real man.
Real man love hard. Real man love strong.
Real man love woman long.
Real man kiss like a dream.
Real man can…wtf just happened here?

Andrew & Robert with their father lounging around in the Panjabis I brought back for them from India

Thank you JN for an article like this. I understand the pressure that the print media is under, but if they are to do things like this a few times a week…someone like me, who used to be a subscriber, would do so again.

In any event, I hope Andrew’s family finds peace…and I hope they gain some solace from knowing that what they are sharing now is a wonderful way to bring forth good from the ashes of what has transpired. God bless them.

12/6/2009 4:58:49 PM

Recommend(2)

Gemini613 wrote:

It seems that people are not grasping what makes a person turn to suicide; despite good friends and family a person who makes the ultimate decision to end their life feels no spiritual or emotional connection with anyone. The fact that he did not open up to anyone shows this. People comment on how they don’t think about the “ones” who are left behind when reality is that they don’t matter simply because they will never feel as bad as they do now….

12/6/2009 4:44:16 PM

Recommend(2)

SageOnHudson wrote:

The problem with so many people who contemplate suicide — particularly teenagers and young adults — is that, on some level, they think that killing themselves is like calling in sick to one’s job or school, that they just won’t have to get up in the morning.

I hate to point to “Star Trek” as some kind of cultural touchstone (to use a dreaded cliche), but in one episode Captain Kirk sternly tells a young man that “there are a million things in this universe you can have, and a million things you can’t.” Well, pop culture or not, truer words were never spoken, and parents have to start teaching this simple truth to their children at an early age if they want those kids to grow up literally, as well as figuratively.

Apparently not having learned this most basic of lessons, Andrew took the path of least resistance, with little concern for those who’d be hurt by it, from his parents to the cleaning crew who’d have to swab his blood off the floor of the Bobst Library atrium. Sad.

12/6/2009 3:35:54 PM

Recommend(1) MY COMMENT TO THE SELF STYLED sageonhudson (ANDREW’S MUMMY SPEAKING HERE), IS THAT YOU KNOW PRECIOUS LITTLE ABOUT LIFE AND I HOPE YOU’LL FIND MORE THAN STAR TREK TO FILL AND GUIDE YOUR LIFE.  ASSHOLE!

reader36 wrote:

There are so many sensitive, caring posts here re. this tragedy. Andrew’s loss is just that, a loss, and his family will feel that loss forever. Hopefully with time, they will be able to temper that loss with some of the happier memories of Andrew. My condolences to the Esmeralda family.

12/6/2009 2:32:42 PM

Recommend(2)

felixkatya wrote:

The worst thing about this kind/degree of depression is that the individual may not recognize that it’s worse than s/he thinks. It comes on insidiously, and with younger people, may initially masquerade as boredom/emptiness. The worse one feels, the less one wants to talk about it. The shame of feeling “weak,” like the whole world is gray and will never have color in it again, isn’t recognized as a neurochemical imbalance. Hopelessness gets snared in a feeling of helplessness. The biggest effort is acting ‘normal’ or finding places where the sense of despair and a fascination with endings seems acceptable. When that doesn’t work, suicide starts to look like a plan for escape. One is not thinking clearly about the after-effects at that point — just stopping the endless bleakness. This is no one’s ‘fault’ — not family’s or friends — I hope that Andrew’s people can believe that. The one real hope is education, awareness, and destigmatization of the need for treatment.

12/6/2009 11:06:04 AM

Recommend(1)

Jan888 wrote:

My heart goes out to Esmeralda and her family. There are no words that can ease the pain, but in speaking out about her loss, she is doing something wonderful in memory of her son. I understand the agony of losing a child to suicide, because I too lost my eldest son Kristian in November 2002 at the age of 20.

It is always so easy to beat ourselves up about what we should or shouldn’t have done, but the truth is that many people who are suffering from depression (particularly young men) hide their sadness so well and do not always feel able to talk to anyone about how they are feeling.

Since losing my son, I too have been determined to speak out about it, because only by doing this can we ever hope to erase the stigma that surrounds depression, mental illness and suicide.

Chasing Death: Losing a Child to Suicide. £1 from every book sold will be donated to Kidscape. http://www.chasingdeath.com

http://www.childsuicide.homestead.com

12/6/2009 10:25:44 AM

Recommend(1)

Papergirl28 wrote:

My thoughts and prayers are with Andrew and his family. Thank you for sharing Andrew’s story, so that others may be inspired to seek help. This beautiful family has endured more pain than most of us will in a lifetime. May they find the comfort and peace that they so deserve.

12/6/2009 9:58:57 AM

Recommend(3)

WillowSky wrote:

It is such a tragedy that folks as bright as Andrew, who suffer from depression or other mental health issues, frequently don’t seek medical help. Depression is a complicated physical illness that is treatable. Andrew’s family and friends are amazing in sharing his story so soon after his death. Hopefully their courage will enable others to seek the medical help that Andrew was unable to ask for. Increased awareness should help end the stigma that prevents so many from seeking help.

12/6/2009 7:21:22 AM

Recommend(6)

lacltg wrote:

my deepest sympathies go out to the family and friends of this beautiful young man.

12/6/2009 5:44:07 AM

Recommend(4)

PaulaP wrote:

Toward the end of the article, his friend states that Andrew didn’t have anyone he could talk to. The saddest part is that he did, but just from within himself, didn’t feel comfortable making that leap from casual, friendly conversations into divulging what he was going through on a deeper, more personal level. It sounds like he had such kind and thoughtful people surrounding him. If anything, all those he movies and ghoulish things he went to, are very steeped in thought of dead, dying and the walking dead. I know it’s just a popular fad that is booming with young people right now, but it is too concentrated on being dead and the dead. maybe it has nothing to do with it, but all of that influence is fun for some, creepy for others but would be depressing for me.

I’m glad that his friends who feel a tie to what he was going through, seem to either be getting help or reaching out to others.

I hope his parents and others do well and find peace.

Whenever the Enterprise encountered a hot new species, Kirk insisted on upgrading the ship’s condition from ‘Red’ to ‘Sexy Alert’.

Contains spoilers.

Let me start by stating that yes, I am a STAR TREK fan. Particularly the original series. However, I have never been to a convention, never dressed up as any of the characters, and I do not speak a word of Klingon. That said, as a kid, I would have LOVED to have done any and all of the above.

My point? While I count myself as a fan, my fanaticism has its limits. There are those who can talk STAR TREK circles around me. And I welcome their input and observations. I say this because I truly enjoyed much of J.J. Abrams’ new STAR TREK film. I also had some issues with the film that keeps it from being a favorite. Or even as great as its first half promised. And my problems with the film are, in part, fan-based and, in other part, common sense-based.

There’s nothing more frustrating to me than a really good film that allows sloppy moments to intrude on the world of the story and characters. That said, I should state here that I am all for re-imaginings. It seems to be the thing these days. No longer is the sequel king. It’s the remake. And I’m all for it if it can do something new and unique with the material and characters. And this STAR TREK movie does that. Much the same way CASINO ROYALE re-started the Bond franchise and re-imagined our ruthless hero. Is it the Bond from the novels? Not really. Is he still highly watchable and exciting? Yes. The Bond series needed a breath of fresh air and they got it. Sadly, the second installment forgot about character development, but that’s another film and another post… Back to TREK.

J.J. Abrams’ new take on the old series is almost terrific. In fact, the first half of the film held me lovingly in its grip. True, I went in fearing the worst, but the filmmakers had some great ideas on how to re-invigorate these characters and films and they managed to pull off the near-impossible: take these much-beloved characters –an institution, really– and give them over to an entirely new cast in an entirely new environment. Changing the timeline, as they did, is quite brilliant (and keeping within the rules of the TREK universe) and have single-handedly set us up for a whole lifetime of new adventures that do not require most of the facts and circumstances of the original series or any other offshoot, be it television or film.

The casting is near-perfect. Even if these aren’t exactly the characters as we knew and loved them, they’re pretty damn close; close enough to remind us why we loved them and make us yearn to love them again. And here is where one of my problems with the film rears its ugly head. It’s an issue that may very well be insignificant to anyone but a lover of STAR TREK. The casting and direction of the actors was so spot on, so fun to watch, both nostalgic and new all at the same time, that it’s that much more disappointing when they get one of the characters wrong.

I initially saw the film in the theater and had some reservations and issues, but all films deserve a second viewing (at least) and so I rented the Blu-ray and sat down for another look. And sadly, the same issues remained for me. The first being the casting of Simon Pegg as Scotty, originally played by the late James Doohan. As an actor and comedian, I think Pegg is great. But his (and the filmmakers’) take on Scotty basically mocks Doohan’s character. In fact, I would go as far as to say, with the exception of the accent, there is little-to-no similarities between the two. Pegg’s Scotty is a wise-cracking goofball from another movie. Whenever he’s on screen, the kids in the audience may be entertained, but the rest of us are stuck with a cartoon character. The filmmakers worked so hard to get all the characters right, why did they abandon this one?

Anyone who watched the original show knows that Scotty was never the comic relief. Not any more or less than any other character. But in this STAR TREK universe, he serves little else. His very presence undermines all the tension Abrams worked so diligently to build up throughout the film’s first half. Abrams might as well have cast Jim Carey and let him run around the bridge talking out of his butt. It’s all very silly and out of place in a world where entire civilizations are wiped out and intimate family members murdered. But someone somewhere seemed to think that the film might be getting too dark and that they should dip into sitcom-land for a little while lest anyone get too tense or, god forbid, think the filmmakers where taking this seriously.

At one point, Scotty accidentally transports himself into an engine cooling system while our beloved Kirk has to watch him zip through transparent water tubes a la WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. Now you don’t have to be a STAR TREK fan or know any of these characters to recognize the tension all but completely disappear as the film veers off into an odd comic nether-sphere.

Add to that Scotty’s little alien friend –his cute little buddy that follows him around– and we have an episode of GILLIGAN’S ISLAND on our hands! Perhaps in their attempt to incorporate the many different elements of the TREK universe, the filmmakers thought this would be fitting. Sadly, for me, it completely took me out of the film and made me hyper-aware of the folks behind the scenes trying to make a few more “commercially-minded” choices. So, in effect, they took a beloved character, placed him in a rather riveting story, and then decided he should be more like Bill Murray in MEATBALLS.

But Pegg’s Scotty is really the only major character that completely missed the boat for me. There are a few instances where I thought the filmmakers were trying a little too hard to incorporate now-famous phrases or actions, like Karl Urban’s McCoy stating “I’m a doctor, not a physicist!” at a point where it really doesn’t make any sense in the context of the conversation that’s taking place and just ends up standing out like a sore thumb. But that I can more easily forgive because it is all in the line of trying to make the characters more like the ones we know and love. You can’t get everything right. Especially on the first outing.

But now comes the clincher; the moment in the film when logic and character motivation are replaced by a weak plot necessity resulting in what feels like blatantly lazy writing. In one fell swoop, the writers (or whoever made this decision) have Spock decide that he wants Kirk off the ship so badly that he actually has him ejected onto a dangerous ice planet. Whoa, hold on here, cowboy… Now while the filmmakers may have written themselves into a corner in needing to get Kirk and the older Spock together, they unfortunately resorted to an act that I do not for one second believe any captain or character (not to mention a logical Vulcan) would enact. Not on a ship with a brig. Lock Kirk up. Done and dealt with. Or why not simply sedate him as they had done previously? No, it makes no sense to the story or characters and ends up making me aware of the writers struggling. What’s odd is that this STAR TREK feels like a film where the filmmakers DID actually care and were hyper-aware of the characters and their motivations. So what happened here? Why a moment of such unnecessarily lazy writing?

Unfortunately, this unbelievable moment leads to one of the film’s most extraneous sequences where Kirk is chased by some wild beasties across the frozen landscape. This feels like the effects determining the story and not the other way around. It’s gratuitous and not particularly interesting. It’s an aversion from the story. For this viewer, the entire sequence and the clear unmotivated plot manipulation that preceded it took me out of the film and gave me a slight sinking feeling in my stomach. Mostly because, up until that point, they were doing such a bang-up job and I was so completely IN the world of the film! And of course, this sequence leads us directly to the introduction of Scotty, adding insult to injury.

The good news is, though it takes a while, the film finally finds its footing once again and is pretty damn entertaining straight through to the climax. Yeah, Bana’s Nero is not all that interesting or developed, but he is serviceable in a film that has chosen to spend the bulk of its time reintroducing us to these beloved characters in their new skins. And rightfully so. The film (and the franchise) depends on this.

So, for me, the filmmakers made some crucial mistakes in the second half of the film. They allowed themselves to get lazy as well as give in to some overly commercial elements that, in my opinion, had no place there and, in fact, disrupted the flow and integrity of the story.

But perhaps it’s a small transgression given the task they set for themselves and the amount they actually did get right. Still, all in all, what they got wrong brought the film down enough for me that it just doesn’t sit in my gut as comfortably as I would like it to. And that’s a shame. Because all I really want at the end of the day is good storytelling and rich characters (and yeah, these days that makes me a demanding audience member). And for the first half of the film, they delivered that in spades. But once they stumbled, I was never quite able to shake that feeling that this film was almost terrific. But these days, almost is more than we can usually expect from any film produced and developed by an American studio. So by that gauge, STAR TREK is still way above average.

Probability that they’ll die on this mission: 100%.
Probability that Kirk will console their widows, then shag them: Also 100%.

(William Shatner and the Red Shirts)

It is their fate

Picture by: dunno source Caption by: Mac_Man via Advanced Lol Builder

» Recaption This!

» View All Captions

Celebrating once again the cinema of Turkey, the land that copyright infringement laws forgot.

Spend the holiday with friends.

Do you have big plans for the holiday tomorrow? Ours involve a lot of not blogging. We’re going to not blog as hard as we can. But, since traffic here on SBR has grown so much lately we want to re-present the Thanksgiving special we published last year, thereby killing two birds (maybe even turkeys) with one stone.

Yeesh. You can’t really call them “caped crusaders” because they don’t have capes. For that matter, “crusader” may not have the same connotation in Asia Minor. Whatever, the clip is typical of Turkey’s devil-may-care attitude about copyright. YouTube is chock-full of  Turkish riffs on most Western geek culture mainstays, riffs that almost always employ (in a clumsier manner than their American cousins) dizzying amounts of violence, sex, and overwrought soundtracks. Did we mention they’re also really cheap-looking? It bears reiteration. Check out the Turkish Star Trek: 

As the clip shows, the Turkish Captain Kirk is much better at walking than most American actors. Still, the language barrier makes impossible understanding why a peasant hangs out on the bridge and pesters the legitimate crew members.  The bridge set also seems to be in some kind of basement garage, if those metal support posts are any indication.

Still, where there’s Star Trek there has to be its dumber, more exciting cousin Star Wars, right? 1982’s Dunyayi Kurturan Adam (“The Man Who Saves The World”) used bootlegged footage from Star Wars Episode IV as well as stock footage of American and Soviet test rocket flights to tell its weird, garbled saga about… stuff in space? The musical score to this clip’s interminable opening credits sounds like public access television music from the 1970s, and it only gets worse from there.

Not content to hit George Lucas up once, Dunyayi Kurturan Adam also pilfers the themes to Raiders of the Lost Ark as well as Battlestar Galactica. Eventually achieving cult status by sheer power of  its awfulness, the film spawned a 2006 sequel. In a case of bad art imitating more bad art,some fans of the original complained the follow-up was a letdown – just like Lucas’ recent efforts.

Finally, given Marvel Comics’ love for merchandising we’re not entirely sure this next clip is even a bootleg. 3 Dev Adam (“Three Mighty Men”) was a startlingly low-budget, brazenly lurid 1973 abomination depicting an ersatz Captain America’s struggle to stop an evil, pudgy Spider-Man knockoff from running amok through Istanbul. Cap was joined in his efforts, for some reason, by a copy of the legendary Mexican luchadore El Santo. Meanwhile ”Spiderman” and his two girlfriends idly torture and kill people in depraved ways or have sex in front of puppets. If you’ve never seen a man guinea pigged to death, here’s your chance:

Probably the single most trivial thing you will learn this week: 3 Dev Adam featured Turkish star Aytekin Akkaya, who also appeared in Dunyayi Kurturan Adam.

That’s about all we can stand right now. We’ll be back next week with our latest edition of Miscellaneous Debris. Have a happy, safe holiday weekend.

- Michael Kabel

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

“If you eliminate the impossible – anything that remains, however unlikely, must be the truth” Commander Spock

I think that I am starting to recover from my trip to California.  If you read some of my posts from 666 Lake of Fire Circle last week you’ll know that it was difficult.  If I recall there is a passage in Scripture where Jesus tells his disciples that “in this world you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.”  In fact being a fairly well trained theologian, though I do Church history better I know that the passage is there verily even in the Gospel according to Saint John Chapter 16, verse 33.  So there, my Seminary education was not a waste of time.  However if I had used the original language of the King James Version I might have a better time of it.

Tonight after purchasing the new Star Trek movie and watching it, yea verily even for the 3^rd time, I realized that as a graduate of Starfleet Academy, no kidding, see the picture,  I know that there are some things that I know defy logic just as Spock said and as strange as they may be must be the truth.  The past week has seemed like a venture into an alternate reality.  I think that I I somehow altered a timeline when I left 666 Lake of Fire Circle for the hotel.  As of yet I know not how this timeline will play out, even as I did not know how the last timeline would but like in the new Star Trek the timeline has been altered, the present reset.

The title of this post Trials and Tribble-ations” comes from an episode of Star Trek Deep Space Nine where Captain Sisko and company end up traveling back in time in search of a modified Klingon named Arn Darvin from the 23^rd Century who is traveling back in time to attempt to kill Captain Kirk and alter the timeline.  I like the title and it was a fun episode very well done with the actor Charlie Brill who played Darvin in the original series episode The Trouble with Tribbles reprising the role as an older and vengeful Darvin.

“In this world you will have Tribble-ation but be of good cheer…unless you are a Klingon as Tribbles don’t like you.”  The past few weeks have been filled with Tribble-ations as I went back to see my parents to a dad who no longer knows me and a mother who I no longer know, returned to flood waters and knocked down fences.  However, in all things I am still blessed.  I have a great wife, brother and wonderful friends at work.  Somehow things will work out.  I know people though who have also suffered from bad family situations, personal tragedy and recently significant storm damage including flooded homes damaged or destroyed cars and other property damage caused by our recent Nor’easter.  The lady who runs our little coffee shop and serves up my Southern Pecan coffee had her house flooded while one of our nurses had her car float away and sink into the Elizabeth River from our hospital. There are also those killed or wounded at Fort Hood and those that they leave behind as well as those who suffer illness, disease, poverty and violence that is a daily ordeal.

I am grateful for those that have prayed for and encouraged me through my Tribble-ations not only this past week but the past 16 months or so since returning from Iraq.  I am finding that what I have gone through will in the long run integrate my war experiences, PTSD, emotional turmoil and grief as well as the way I have changed since Iraq into my life.  I will be stronger and my life richer for them.  My Tribble-ations will end up being no Tribble at all. And that, though it seem at times impossible is the truth.

Peace,

Steve+

Eric Bana gives Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto some hair care tips.

(Paramount) Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Eric Bana, Simon Pegg, Karl Urban, Bruce Greenwood, Leonard Nimoy, John Cho, Anton Yelchin, Ben Cross, Winona Ryder, Chris Hemsworth, Jennifer Morrison, Rachel Nichols, Faran Tahir. Directed by J.J. Abrams

Even icons from time to time must reinvent themselves, if for no other reason to remain relevant in changing times. That is even more true for those having to do with the future.

The Federation starship U.S.S. Kelvin is investigating strange readings at a black hole. To the surprise of the ship’s captain (Tahir), a gigantic spacecraft of unknown design emerges from the singularity and without any provocation at all, opens fire on the starship, crippling it. The captain is forced to come aboard the unknown ship and is escorted to its captain, a Romulan named Nero (Bana),  who proceeds to ask the Federation representative some rather odd questions, the strangest being what stardate is it. The answer drives Nero berserk and he murders the captain and once again opens fire on the Kelvin.

The second-in-command (Hemsworth) orders an evacuation of the doomed Kelvin, paying special attention to his wife (Morrison) who is in labor. He intends to join her, but the ship’s automated functions are out of commission, and they are needed to gain critical time for the crew of the Kelvin to make their escapes. He realizes with sickening horror that he must remain aboard to run the ship manually. The young lieutenant saves his crew by ramming the dying starship into the unknown spaceship, crippling its weapon systems and propulsion. The name of the young hero? George Kirk.

Years later, his son James (Pine), born the day of his death, is adrift in Iowa, drinking in dive bars, picking up every woman he can and generally just lashing out at the world. While attempting to pick up a pretty Starfleet cadet named Uhura (Saldana), he gets jumped by a number of cadets, holding his own for awhile before getting his tush handed to him until Captain Christopher Pike (Greenwood) stops the fracas and clears the bar. He talks to the young Kirk about his father, and the difference he made to the 800 lives that were saved by his sacrifice and invites Kirk to join the Academy.

At first Kirk is reluctant to join Starfleet but eventually relents. On the shuttle ride to San Francisco, he meets an irascible divorced physician who is joining Starfleet to rebuild a career that had been essentially stymied in his divorce. The medico’s name is Leonard McCoy (Urban).

Already at the academy is a young half-Vulcan named Spock (Quinto). Tormented by young Vulcans for his half-human ancestry, Spock elects to follow the Vulcan disciplines of logic and dispassion of his father Sarek (Cross) with the blessing of his compassionate mother Amanda (Ryder). Despite this, Spock elects to decline admission to the Vulcan Science Academy (the first Vulcan ever to do so) and join Starfleet. After graduating from the Academy, he devises the notorious Kobiyashi Maru test, the infamous “no-win” scenario.

In the meantime, a brash young Ensign Kirk is blowing through the academy in a mere three years, still picking up women wherever he goes including a beautiful young Orion ensign (Nichols) who has come up with a rather ingenious solution to Spock’s test, landing him in hot water with the Academy dons. Unfortunately, an emergency comes up that relates directly to Kirk’s past, one that will bring all the disparate elements and characters together and forge together a crew that is destined to become a legend, while a man from the future (Nimoy) holds the key to the lives of Spock and Kirk.

The Star Trek franchise has been in decline for several years now, with an over-saturation of product that eventually seemed somewhat formulaic in many ways. Star Trek reboots the franchise with the original characters as seen through fresh new eyes. Director J.J. Abrams balances a delicate line of maintaining the spirit of the original series while adding additional elements of action and epic scope. Thus his new re-imagining of Star Trek will please not only hardcore Trek fans but also more general audiences.

Electing to go with a cast of young actors while steering clear of big name actors (Bana as Nero is the most recognizable face in the show other than Nimoy, and Bana is nearly unrecognizable in any case), and they come through in spades. All of the major crew members (Cho as Sulu, Pegg as Scotty and Yelchin as Chekov, as well as Urban and Saldana) have extremely pivotal scenes and establish their characters nicely.

Much of the success of Star Trek rests on the shoulders of the two leads, and they pull through splendidly. Pine captures the essence of James Tiberius Kirk without the quirks and mannerisms of William Shatner. He nails the bravado, the charisma, the independence and the compassion of Kirk but at the same time manages to render him human and fallible. Like Shatner’s Kirk, he is rash and sometimes prone to egotism, but at the heart of him is his brilliant intuition and willingness to risk. Pine takes an epic character and makes him accessible.

Quinto, best known as Sylar on the hit TV show “Heroes” makes a marvelous Spock. He radiates icy calm that masks the boiling inferno below the surface. Spock is heavily conflicted but chooses not to come to terms with his conflicting natures; instead he subverts his more human aspects in favor of the Vulcan stoicism. Quinto also has an uncanny resemblance to Nimoy as a young Spock, and fills the boots more than adequately.

There are plenty of breathtaking special effects, not to mention some intense action sequences, the best of which is a parachute jump onto a drilling platform high in the atmosphere of Vulcan. Visually, this is a movie that will rock your world.

But is it Star Trek? That’s the question most Trek fans were hoping to have answered. I have to say, yes and no. The original television series in many ways was less action-oriented than this is. Yes, there were plenty of fistfights, phasers set on stun and epic space battles in the original, but the themes had to do with things that were important to series creator Gene Roddenberry; man’s inhumanity to man, racial tension, drug abuse, gender inequality and the supreme waste and ultimate uselessness that is war. Here, we are being re-introduced to the characters that the producers hope to rebuild the franchise with and the movie is more about that than taking on issues.

However, the foundation has been laid and hopefully in the future we’ll see stories more in tune with the high bar that Roddenberry set. Given the outstanding box office returns the movie had, it is inevitable that there will be at least one or two more installments in the movie series if not more. The action and special effects will get the bodies in the door; the characters will bring those bodies back for more. Abrams has hit a home run with the new Star Trek. Now, the question becomes can he do it again?

WHY RENT THIS: Breathtaking special effects and heart-pounding action sequences drive the movie. Young actors bring established characters back to life with fresh perspectives. Pine makes a fabulous Captain Kirk and could be a future star.

WHY RENT SOMETHING ELSE: The overall tone that Trek-haters despised is still present here.

FAMILY VALUES: Some scenes of brief sexuality and some violence; also there is a nightmare-inducing creature during the Delta Vega sequence. Otherwise, fit for most young audiences (but not for the very teeny tiny).

TRIVIAL PURSUITS: The seven years gap between this movie and Star Trek: Nemesis is the longest in the franchise history.

NOTABLE DVD FEATURES: There are three different home viewing versions of this so far: a single-disc DVD which is essentially just the film, a 2-disc Special Edition DVD which contains some deleted scenes including Abrams’ take on the Klingons, and a 3-Disc Blu-Ray which contains a humongous number of featurettes, as well as a 360 degree view of various Enterprise and Romulan sets. There is also a feature on Gene Roddenberry’s legacy.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

TOMORROW: Disney’s A Christmas Carol

Action-packed reboot of the beloved franchise boldly comes to DVD and Blu-Ray this week.

One of the biggest hits of last summer’s movie season – and a giant cause for relief among the franchise’s devoted fans – J.J. Abram’s (Lost, Mission: Impossible 3) re-energizing take on the Star Trek mythology arrives on DVD and Blu-Ray this week in a variety of single and multiple disc editions. It’s a hell of an action movie, and though explicit comparisons to rival franchise Star Wars aren’t entirely fair, this new Trek has the same sense of dizzying momentum. Maybe too much momentum, and possibly too much action for its own good.

The Star Trek TV series and films have never preoccupied themselves with stunts and pyrotechnics, often proudly wearing their cerebral ambitions on their form-fitting sleeves. While Abrams and company have jettisoned such a restrained attitude in favor of adventure, the new film’s bravado often sometimes drags it down or lets it skip over important plot clarification. Also noticeably missing is the Utopian optimism that, at its best, let the original series and its various children transcend their budgets as well as the usual pitfalls endemic to episodic science fiction.

The story’s basics are familiar but made vividly fresh by a crisp production design as well as Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman’s taut script. Centuries into the future, young James T. Kirk (Chris Pine, Bottle Shock) spends his childhood near the Iowa shipyards that construct massive starships used by the United Federation of Planets to bring stability to the galaxy. An orphan whose father died saving the U.S.S. Kelvin from an attack by the belligerent alien Romulans, young Kirk is recruited into Starfleet by veteran officer Christopher Pike (Bruce Greenwood, The Sweet Hereafter) on the strength of his natural aptitude and his father’s heroic legacy.

Jump ahead three years and Kirk has breezed through San Francisco’s Starfleet Academy, even rigging a no-win mission simulation test (which veteran Trek fans will recognize as the Kobayashi Maru from Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan) in his favor. A disciplinary hearing, spearheaded by Academy instructor Spock (Zachary Quinto), is interrupted by a distress signal from Spock’s home planet of Vulcan. With the rest of Starfleet’s armada preoccupied elsewhere, it’s up to the cadets to respond in seven brand new starships including the venerable U.S.S. Enterprise. The Romulan craft that destroyed the Kelvin has returned again, and with help from his friend “Bones” McCoy (Karl Urban, The Bourne Supremacy) Kirk stows away beneath Captain Pike’s notice to help out.

The action that follows includes time travel, black holes, the destruction of planets, parachuting from low-Earth orbit, and swashbuckling sword fights. It often seems as if frequent Abrams collaborators Orci and Kurtzman threw everything they could devise into the chain-of-set-pieces script, leaving no idea discarded. For the most part that damn-the-torpedoes strategy works. Other times, including a tedious man vs. monster chase sequence on an ice moon (itself too derivative by half of The Empire Strikes Back), all that action instead feels superfluous and distracting from the main story thread.

And it’s a very linear thread. One thing happens and then another, each sequence building on the one before rather than happening from circumstance. Abrams et. al. have a lot to accomplish in the film’s two hours, yet despite the diversions, repetitious stunts and sometimes glaring plot holes the story makes sense without seeming simplistic; it’s easy to see where everything might have dissolved into chaos instead. The stakes, thanks to the Romulan commander Nero (Eric Bana, Munich), are demonstrably high enough that the rapid pitch continuously seems justified. Add that to Kirk and company’s relative inexperience and you feel justified in believing the danger.

What’s missing most is backstory, and context. We are told that the Federation is a noble cause but not of its origins, or why Earth and other alien worlds remain devoted to its purpose. The time-travel elements are explained but not developed, so that depending on your familiarity with that trope’s mental contortions the ensuring plot details will seem opaque at best and frustrating at worst. Kirk’s childhood is given only the barest amount of explanation, likewise the motivations of bad guy Nero or the Romulans in general. Extant Trek continuity is apparently filled with details on almost all of the above (we’ve just scratched the surface ourselves), so there was no shortage of source material from which to draw. Maybe Abrams and company have deferred such embellishments until the already-announced sequel? Whatever the case, the story needed greater depth to bring the film’s setting into a completely coherent focus.

Luckily the cast is up to the script’s ambitious challenges. Pine, given the task of bringing the famously pre-politically correct Kirk to the modern age, finds his character not in the swagger but rather in the relentless self-confidence that made William Shatner’s Kirk legendary. Quinto, a talented actor not given much to do on Heroes anymore except beckon or arch his formidable eyebrows, builds Spock from barely restrained and (oddly enough) seething emotion. Urban is underused as the crusty Dr. McCoy, as is Simon Pegg (Hot Fuzz) as Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott. Playing the heavy, Bana makes the most of a perfunctory role. In origin movies like this it’s enough for the villain to simply be menacing, but thanks again to impeccable costuming and production design a large part of that work is already accomplished. Still, he makes the most of each line of dialogue allowed him.

Speaking of design, the new Enterprise vessel looks great most of the time. This latest interpretation of the classic shape is sleek and detailed, keeping the recognizable form while incorporating new elements including a dynamic new electrical effect to the warp nacelles. The bridge is a swirl of translucent display screens and fluorescent lights, selling the movie’s futuristic setting all by itself. Less impressive, unfortunately, are a generic-looking medical bay and an engineering section that’s exactly as anonymous as any petrochemical refinery. For such a classic and famous ship you’d expect a bold new vision of its engine room to be just as impressive and well-thought out. It’s something to consider as Abrams and his group boldly go into plans for the sequel.

- Michael Kabel

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::

(Note: An earlier version of this review appeared for the film’s theatrical release.)

Dating Captain Kirk?

I think geeks might call that a

Conflict of interest.

]]> http://carnagechronicles.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/nhpw-old-school-reload-2010/ Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:53:40 +0000 Carnage Chronicles http://carnagechronicles.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/nhpw-old-school-reload-2010/