I have four children. So, sometimes it gets really crazy around my house. While my 17 year-old is yelling at her younger brothers, her brothers (ages 11 & 12) play fighting and screaming back at her, messes everywhere, I sit and suffer with an excruciating headache and praying for a break.

If you have days like this, be assured that it does get worse. But, then again, it does get better. One of the best remedies for a crazy day in my house is a laughter break. After all, they say that laughter is the best medicine.

My laughter break came to me today in the form of an e-book entitled, The Kids Are Driving Me Crazy! by Lisa Barker. Lisa Barker is known as “The Jelly Mom” from the humorous Jelly Mom column which can be found at:

JellyMom.com

This e-book is an excerpt from her book Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane… Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!. The e-book cover humorous subjects about toddlers, older children ,going out in public with your kids, kids showing you who the boss is, and so much more.

I highly recommend this book to parents, grandparents, and caretakers so they can enjoy their “laughter break.” Get the free e-book and check out the Jelly Mom Column and more of Lisa’s books.

~Get the free e-book here~

There, no one will know the difference!

OMG, these caretakers must be really unobservant. Authorities rocked up at house in Wilmington, North Carolina after receiving a call saying a woman was unconscious and not breathing. When they examined Blanche Matilda Roth they estimated she had been dead for at least 8 months. What the! Hmm, some one has some explaining to do! It is believed the caretakers visited the house everyday and kept the premises in pristine condition….just not Blanche!

Caretakers (formerly Kindred), the short play that Lori and I wrote, survived its second table reading at the BPP’s BloomingPlays series. The feedback was much more enthusiastic than the first reading, so we must have done something right in our re-write!

What was interesting to watch was how vested audience members were in either character. There are only two characters in the play and we’ve created them to be relatively equally sympathetic. That leaves audience members rooting for one or the other, sometimes vehemently.

The play revolves around the decision to bring Mom (who’s just had a stroke) back into her home and have Pam move in and take care of her. Pam’s sister Rose is willing to handle the financial and logistical details from afar (she lives in another state) if Pam will give the hands-on care. Pam doesn’t want to give up her life to take care of Mom—but neither does Rose. What’s a caring daughter to do?

All the plays in the workshop series were supposed to be read once more in January, but new artistic director Chad Rabinovitz decided to cut it short. He cut one play from the series, chose two that will receive full productions, and chose two that will receive staged readings. Caretakers falls into that last group.

Lori and I are disappointed that we don’t get another shot at development, but what’s a playwright to do in this sitch? We’re now faced with the question of whether to do another re-write of the play. Re-writes are due 03 January—closing night of Sound of Music. (I’m nunning and Lori’s stage managing.) With the heavy workload of rehearsals and performances this month, I just don’t see how we’ll have the time to do any more.

I guess I’m also irritated because we were told from the start that plays would be selected for development in part based on the playwrights’ participation in the process. Both Lori and I have been there as much as we can—hours and hours of munching on tortilla chips and sneaking raspberry danishes. The other playwrights have done just as much, so perhaps this is a moot point. Overall I feel like we were told one thing in the beginning and now we’re hearing something else mid-process. This is likely due to budgetary issues which Chad alluded to, but it still bugs me. I like Pam and Rose and would have liked to have seen the next phase of their development. Harumph.

They Told Him Don’t You Ever Come Around Here
So To Day, I decided it was time to start blogging again.  I know, I know you’re really relieved.  What changed my mind?  I think I turned a corner.  A while back I was going through a lot of grief with my family and I think I just really worked myself through all that emotional crap.  I moved out of my DS’s house.  That was a pretty unpleasant experience.  But I made it though it and it even looks right now like I’m going to make it to the other side.  Well let’s hope so. 

Don’t Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear
The most recent news that’s been happening to me of late is that my Dad, you know my Dad with

Dad can't sit up. DB is supporting Dad with his Body. While DS is taking Dad's temp.

Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD) is back in the hospital with pneumonia and a very bad UTI.  Of course UTI are known to make senior citizen’s very disoriented and appear really out of it.  Dad was all of these things.  But with a few days of antibiotics, he was back to his old self.  Now he’s keeping the staff at the hospital busy chasing him around all night until of course he is moved to a nursing home.   Which should happen in a day or two.  We’re all torn up about the decision, especially my DS, who is charged with the care of dad.  But it truly is time.  The family has gotten to a point where they cannot function and take care of Dad as well.  Mostly because we need to sleep at night and we not addicted to dysfunctional behavior.  At least not all of us.  But that’s another blog, as they say. 

The Fire’s In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear
We’re all worried about how Dad will take the move.  Dad is nearly at a place where he won’t notice.  Where he currently lives most of the time he is in a dream world; where occasionally we the members of our family step in and out of the dream where Dad lives.  Dad sees people who aren’t there, he’ll tap you on the shoulder half expecting his hand to go right through you, like the midst he’s living in currently.  When you acknowledge his touch, Dad will smile with a surprised laugh.    And then he’ll start talking to someone who is not there.  It’s sad really, Dad can be so animated, that it’s hard to believe he is so ill.  But we know that he is very ill with AD.  And we all pray, in our own way, that the cure for AD is right around the corner.  Deep Breath…

So Beat It, Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
So tomorrow this time, there is a really good chance that Dad will be placed in a nursing home (Hopefully, not too far from where I live ((fingers crossed))).   So be a dear and keep your fingers crossed for our family that we make it through this next very painful step we’re in the midst of taking.  A few prayers would be welcomed as well. 

You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can
What’s been going on with me?  Well, glad you asked.  I’ve been working in a call center in the evenings.  It’s a nice job if you’re not looking for a challenge.  Truthfully, I’m just happy to be working!!!!  I’ve made a few good friends where I work.  The things that connect us are, our ages, our trials, and our tribulations.  We hang out at break time.  Just a short fifteen minute break.  Where we bring a snack, and share a few insights, laugh at each other and what not.  We’re all women between the ages of 50 and 65 years of age.  And there’s one guy in the same age group whom I’ve decided is studying us for a new docudrama he’s dreaming up.  He finds the way we relate to each other interesting.  huh.  That’s a new one.  Most times, middle age women just fade into the wood work.  So we’re all very amused with our audience. 

Don’t Wanna See No Blood, Don’t Be A Macho Man
Where  I work, most of the call center floor is filled with kids between ages 17 and 25 years of age.  My group of friends are dinosaurs compared to these kids.  But like cream, we all rose to the top of the call center numbers, and we dominate the top numbers.  All of us in my group we’re caught off guard by our current “recession/depression” depending on how you see it.  We all have carried respectable jobs in real industries in the past and find ourselves irreverent to the current job market.  So now we’re all working in the call center industry currently until the job market opens up again

You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can
What will I do next?  I dunno, but if there’s an open position for beach bum, I’m all over it!!    But I’ll probably go back to being a program manager for a local company in Kennedy Space Center, if I’m lucky.   What happened to my nursing dreams?  Well, I started working in a corporation again, and I’m reminded how much I loved my old job of Marketing Program Manager.  I think I’ll expand my skill set to include engineering program management by taking some new classes.  And I think I’ll return to my first love.  At least for the time being until the world ends in 2012.  (That’s a joke, don’t cha know.)  No, the worlds not going to end in 2012, but the polar axis just might shift.  We’ll see if there is any significance to that date at all.  Mother Earth is going through a change and it won’t hurt if you are prepared for a change of surroundings. 

So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad
There is sooo much I want to share with you about what’s been going on in my life.  So many words, so little time.  I promise to fill you in as we move through time.  Wishing you well on your journey. 

Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin’ How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn’t Matter Who’s Wrong Or Right
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It

Many Thanks to MJ for the use of his lyrics to “Beat It“.

It’s been a busy week for Diva Adaire. Last Saturday, Lori and I got together to go over our script for Kindred, now renamed Caretakers. We sat side-by side and went over each line. She typed in the new material while I navel-gazed. I think the piece is much stronger, though we’ll only know at the next reading (mid-November-ish).

Then Sunday brought the first meeting for Sound of Music. Have I mentioned that I made the second-cut auditon for Sound of Music? I am (ahem) a nun. Again. I should invest in a wimple.

Anyway, the meeting laid out the vision for how to work in a professional environment. Randy White, director of Cardinal Stage, was friendly but firm. We got to hear the circumstances under which one might be dismissed—yeeks. I guess we do similar stuff when going over ground rules in Kaia, but it’s scary to be on the other side of the table. I know this is going to be a great opportunity for me to sharpen my skills.

Wait, Cardinal was on Saturday. It doesn’t matter. Sunday was the VOCO show, which Kaia opened for. That was exciting. The audience was small but appreciative. It wasn’t our best work—Amy had some nasty bug and all of us were pretty much exhausted. But we gave it our best and had the pleasure of singing in the sanctuary of the UU church. Beautiful acoustics. I Love Everybody almost blew the walls down.

Then Tuesday night was the VOCO workshop at Malcolm Dalglish’s house. He served gumbo and pear pie. I skipped the food but appreciated the gesture. Made it all very homey and a great start to the evening.

The workshop was better than many I’ve been to. They sang a few numbers first. Then Moira did this call and response thing where she sang little snippets of music from every freaking corner of the world and we sang it back. She is amazingly gifted.

We learned Bring Me a Little Water, Sylvie by Leadbelly as arranged by VOCO. Learned a little of a Hungarian (?) piece. Did some cool improv exercises which I want to try out with Kaia. Then some body percussion, which I had no chance of learning due to the exhaustion of my brain! I’d had enough by that point and couldn’t take in any more.

Today met with Pat Anderson, the facilitator of Caretakers, to talk about our creative vision for the piece. Lori is involved in twelve million things as usual—I don’t know how she does it all! We talked over the play and what direction might be given to the actresses. As we talked, I thought more and more about how the script could be changed to make the dialogue more realistic and the action more tight. I hope the feedback is positive.

I enjoy being this active in creative spheres. I’ve noticed, though, that I’m a bit burned out on Kaia stuff. I feel like “we have this repertoire, now let’s sing it.” I’m not interested in arranging new stuff or seeking out new music. I just want to perform perform perform.

Another thing I noticed during the whole Cardinal audition process is that auditions are really bad for me. I get very depressed afterwards, sometimes for days. I feel like I’ve blown the audition even though I do the best I can. I do my best but then feel like it can’t be good enough. That my best days are behind me (that’s a big theme). I feel too old to do anything meaningful anymore. My hope with Cardinal is that I’ll build up my confidence some. Oh, and I’m also studying voice with Rebecca Keith now, so that’s another piece of sharpening up my skills and building confidence. I hope it all works. Auditions suck.

Hi kids! Welcome to Pacific Northwest Cryptozoology, hereafter known as PNC. This blog is a joint effort between Caretaker ‘manda (that’s me!) and Caretaker Des. In the future, we may have guest bloggers, for variety and differing perspectives.

The idea for this blog came about whilst Des and I were discussing the random encounters we have in our respective cities, Portland and Seattle. Not wanting to limit ourselves to these two locales, we named our blog accordingly!

Now, the beauty of our blog is that, similar to other flavors of cryptozoology, you may or may not encounter the specimens we do. Of course, if you do, we want to hear about it in the comments! Photographic evidence is always encouraged, provided you will let us include it in our blog. Suggestions are likewise encouraged. Tell us about the mythical creatures you meet in your own lives!

And now, kids, onto the show!

Posted Jul 22, 2009 6:53pm

//

I caught up last night with a friend. We chatted on line (I think it’s called IM–my technological prowess revealed!). I have never done that before. I prefer to hear voices and see faces, but the opportunity arose, so I jumped on board. I haven’t “spoken” with this woman in years–no need to count, but could be a decade. What I came away with is this: Women Rock!!

She is divorced, putting two kids through college, and taking care of an aging and ill mother. No overt complaints, but more importantly no implied complaints, and I didn’t sense it in her tone. She was being guided by love. She loved her children. She loved her mother. She worked in the office and then came home and worked. But she did so because she was grateful for her family.

Women throughout the centuries have lived unsung lives of service to others. No hoopla, no hullabaloo. Just women going about their days on the planet in love and grace. Women Rock!!!

In this age of superlatives, where everything seems to have to be the biggest, the best, the newest, the fastest, women go about the business of life and recognize that service is the ultimate superlative. But not service driven by duty, service born of love. Wiping the bottoms of babies and wiping the bottoms of parents too ill from chemotherapy to manage themselves, this is service born of love. There are no small roles. You are appreciated. You are loved. You are seen. You are heard. And the world is grateful.

9/3/2009

Nurses Tethered to Donkeys

by Kellyann Curnayn

As in any industry, the current state of health care is determined largely by who is calling the shots, which boils down to a series of questions: Who does the Nurse want to please? Who does the Nurse Manger want to please? Who does the Chief Nursing Officer want to please? Who does the Chief Executive Officer want to please? Unfortunately, all of these people are forced to please the current medical and regulative bureaucracy, instead of pleasing patients. We have lost perspective on whose interests we ought to be serving.

An example may elucidate this loss: Cowboys had their hands full when trying to win the west, and the horse became a critical means of revenue, transportation, and everyday life. One technique used to tame the “wild” bronco was to tie it to a donkey and send it out into the plains. The two animals would return within a few days, and after being tied to the donkey the horse appeared much calmer. I would suggest that America’s nurses, like the broncos of the wild west, are often tethered to donkeys of bureaucratic distraction and obligation that provide no added benefit to the patient. Since there seems to be no hope of changing the situation, many nurses, like the bronco, have given up.

One such donkey is charting—a bureaucratically-driven and time-consuming distraction with little bearing on quality patient care. I believe every charting process that hasn’t demonstrated its value to the patient needs to be challenged. Questions should be asked everyday: Who wants this charted and why? Has this charting process produced a measured improvement in care? Is the effectiveness of this process measurable at all? But no one asks these questions anymore because we have been tied to the donkeys for far too long. Questioning mandates from on-high is considered heresy in a world accustomed to appeasing the person with the greatest perceived power.

These are just a few of the overbearing charting processes:

Insulin administration – A nurse must have another nurse readily available at all times to verify the original order, verify the bottle, verify the dose, and last but not least document that all this verification was done.

Restraint documentation – Nurses are required to get the attending physician to renew the order every 24 hours. On top of that, the nurses must fill out a specific task form every two hours indicating that the patient was taken care of.

PCA (patient controlled analgesics) administration – Nurses have administered narcotics for years, but charting processes have now been put in place which make the practice nearly impossible. A narcotic medication error is very serious, yet the action being taken to prevent errors is further burdening the already stressed-out nurse. This extent of this extra burden will only lead to poorer patient care in other areas.

Documenting a plan of care – Unfortunately, this kind of charting cannot prevent bad care since the forms are not reviewed. Furthermore, nurses do not have the time to fulfill all of these charting policies on the best of days. The sole purpose of these policies is to appease the ever-watchful eye of the accreditors.

The various charting forms (including Morse Falls Scale, Braden Scale for skin assessment, and a new form used to evaluate the potential for Deep Vein Thrombosis) don’t change the plan of care a nurse would give; the forms simply give them more paper or computer work to fill out, reducing the amount of time they can spend actually caring for patients. In order to prevent falls, skin breakdown, and blood clots, a nurse must be present at the bedside, turning a patient and facilitating such activities as sitting in a chair. But there aren’t enough nurse-hours to provide a patient with this level of care when nurses are torn between the patient and the mandatory charting.

If there is a policy on the books that prevents the health care provider from spending quality time caring for the patient, then the policymakers need to reevaluate. As hospitals struggle to find people willing to go into nursing because nurses are often overworked, and as medical errors continue to run rampant through the system, maybe administrators should stop and reevaluate their mandatory procedures.

Checks and safeguards are a good thing, if used effectively, but unnecessary paperwork will only lead to poorer patient care. If the procedures in place are preventing good basic patient care, something needs to change. After all, the patients are the people we should be pleasing.

Kellyann Curnayn is a Registered Nurse and author of the book A Good Day in Hell: The Flatlining of Nurses in America.

About the Center for a Just Society

The CJS Forum seeks to promote an open exchange of ideas about the relationship between faith, culture, law and public policy. While all the articles are original and written especially for the CJS Forum, they do not necessarily reflect the views of the Center for a Just Society.

I have been thinking about the past
not stuck there but thinking about it
how certain events have fucked me up
how others have helped build my character

and all of this makes me wonder about the future
I know the Bible says we are not to worry about the future
but what about planning for it?
hoping for it?
desiring it?

I can see the future and it brings a huge smile to my face
I can see the future and my brow is furrowed with worry
thoughts of self-doubt, uncertainty, unlovability
thoughts of how could I ever get so lucky?
would God really give me a second chance?
could I really not fuck up again this time?
will she get bored/frustrated/tired of me?

I have become a stressball
maybe it’s because I feel so alone
out of touch
in need of my rabbit keeper
my friend
who may hold the band-aid
that can heal my wounds
stop the bleeding
put me back together

and hopefully
SOMEDAY
will be here
and that will be
the future that I long for

What’s all this I hear about “death panels”, forced abortions, and mandatory sex change operations? Has the country I used to know gone AWOL? Come on, folks, get real. No one wants to kill Grandma, and no one wants to abandon disabled children. As a matter of fact, the current situation is causing both the elderly and the disabled to suffer needlessly. In California, Governor Schwarzenegger eliminated $6.3 million from services for the elderly, because the current financial set-up doesn’t work.

We’re all on this sinking ship together, so enough already with the “I’ve got mine, screw you!” attitude that so many Americans are voicing lately toward their less fortunate compatriots. There are plenty of reasons to disagree with each other, but let’s not become abusive about it.

We have before us an immense dilemma and an extraordinary opportunity.

The dilemma is that our current healthcare system is ailing and getting sicker by the day. According to the National Coalition on Healthcare, the cost of health insurance premiums is chewing up both household and business budgets. Having health insurance coverage does not guarantee access to healthcare when you need it, and even if you are lucky enough to have health insurance, you may or may not be approved by your insurer for the care that your doctor prescribes. That’s part of the healthcare rationing that the Washington Post reports is currently practiced by the health insurance industry. Even if your treatment is approved, its out-of-your-pocket cost may put you in the poorhouse.

If you get sick and need a significant amount of medical care, or ongoing medical care, your health insurer is now free to drop you from their rolls. Then just try getting a new policy on your own with a pre-existing condition.

I tried, and was put into a high risk (read “high cost”) category by Anthem/Blue Cross, because I take a daily 10mg dose of a generic statin drug for borderline high cholesterol. It works like a charm, and my cholesterol level is under excellent control. Other than controlled high cholesterol, I am in superb health. Wouldn’t you think the insurance company would want me to be on a low cost, successful treatment for a chronic condition that could spiral out of control if not managed?

Now I only have insurance because my spouse’s job offers me coverage…at our cost.

Take a look at your health insurance premium rates for the past ten years or so. You’ll see a precipitous rise in premiums, and there’s no telling how much higher they’re likely to soar as America ages and needs more healthcare for acute and chronic illnesses. Even if your employer pays your premiums, find out what the cost has been over the course of the past ten years. If the boss is paying through the nose for health insurance, he’s not likely to add to your take-home pay. My premiums over ten years rose from about $120 a month to over $600, and my deductible went from $50 to $5,000! Prescriptions fell off the covered wagon, as did many routine tests and procedures.

Are you or a loved one counting on Medicare or your VA benefits for healthcare? Just remember, that both of those programs are government provided coverage. By the way, they are also the most cost effective and well appreciated healthcare coverage systems in the country. Whom do you know who has ever given up Medicare or VA coverage?

Okay, that’s the health insurance and healthcare crisis in a nutshell.

We now have an opportunity to turn healthcare in this country around. The US spends more per capita on healthcare than any other country, but we rank below 41 other nations in life expectancy. Surely we can do better than this.

The current administration is ready and willing to do the heavy lifting necessary to reach a national consensus on how to meet the healthcare needs of ALL Americans without breaking the bank. That’s right, without breaking the bank…while doing nothing will cost us a fortune! Find out the real story of the Obama administration healthcare proposals. Listen with an open mind and heart to people who see things differently from you. Ask them to listen respectfully to you. Maybe we can all learn something new and useful from each other’s experiences.

If you want to ensure that your elderly loved ones…and eventually you…have affordable healthcare when it’s needed, join the debate in a productive way. No one has all the answers, but each of us has something of value to add to the conversation. Listen, share, learn.

TAG, YOU’RE IT!

Friday at Hope House resulted in teary eyes and good-byes.  The caretaker let me know that Lindo’s uncle was coming that day to take him home and that he wouldn’t be coming back. I already miss him.  my heart is breaking. At least I can pray for him.

Philippians 1:7 I hold you in my heart

The other day I posted a little bit of information showing you my sitter folder. Here are a few more thoughts to expound on that post just a little bit.

It is really important to educate any and all of your children’s care takers no matter who they are: family, friends, sitters, schools, or daycares. They need to at least be willing to follow your instructions even if they think you are a bit controlling or crazy. We have been blessed with family who support us in this endeavor. I can never put it into words the support my mother has given me over the years. If you are reading this, thank you so much.

Something to realize, while we are on this note, not everyone will understand or support you. This will be hard to deal with and require a great amount of maturity on your part. There are a few people in our lives that think we are making this all up and don’t understand what the “big deal” is.  Do your best to educate, but do not become stressed and worry too much about it. This is coming from a person who always puts too much value on what other people think; trust me you will be better off learning to let it go. It is hard enough to deal with the allergy needs as it is. With that said, let’s move on to some helpful hints.

• When it comes to preparing food show them where the safe food is, as well as, where the safe kitchen supplies and utensils are. If you already have separate sections marked it should be easy. It would be a good idea to put create directions and put them in your folder.

• When you are traveling, it is safest and easiest to keep your children’s food in a cooler or crate. When we visit my family we will leave crates of food in the kitchen out of the way, but in an easy place for anyone to get safe food for Little Miss. This has proved to be a wise move on our part because my parents have a revolving door and always have company. When other people have come to the house, while we have been out, they have been told about the crates. EVERYONE knows anything there is safe!

• Keep notes out. While this may seem simple, sometimes when family is visiting from out of town it is too easy to forget if you are heading out. Even if family has been taking care of your children for awhile and are familiar with their allergies, it is best not to assume. They may need to reference a list to be sure or remember something.

These are just a few more thoughts to help you with family and friends.

Until next time,

Jackie Harder

What percentage of your life are you living for yourself?

It’s one of the questions I ask people as we embark on our coaching journey, and the answer often comes as a surprise – or even an unpleasant shock – to the client.

What isn’t a surprise is that, of all the clients I’ve worked with over the years, women far and away live most of their lives for others, not themselves.

As enlightened, progressive and modern as our society has become, many women are still the primary caretakers of loved ones in their lives.

These loved ones can be spouses or children or, increasingly, aged parents – as well as friends.

And women are often caretakers in their work lives as well…the troubled colleague, the super busy co-worker who needs a hand, the newbie who’s learning the ropes.

Sometimes they fill all these needs at once.

Moms fall into that a lot. They will do without, often for years, to make sure their kids are housed, fed, shod and clothed – even if it means wearing rags themselves.

That’s their job, raising their children, and nothing is more important than that.

Of course, you don’t have to be a mom, or event a parent, to fall into the habit of putting other people first. Plenty of childless people find themselves in that role.

In some cases, self-sacrifice is a choice that comes from deeply held religious convictions. Many times, however, taking care of others is something done without thought, and in some situations, it comes at the expense of taking care of self.

Caretakers who decide to splurge – even with simple things like a hot bath, a solitary walk, a good book or TV show – often end up feeling guilty and selfish.

From there, it’s a short journey to feeling dissatisfied, restless, tired, depressed, sick, uneasy, resentful, angry or any of an entire host of emotions.

Does this sound familiar? If so, maybe it’s time to rethink taking care of your self. 

Consider:

• Why is everyone else more important than you?
• Why are their needs more important than yours?
• How does being good to yourself mean being bad to others?
• If you are doing the things that are right for you, how is that selfish?
• When you do what’s right for you, are you doing it to hurt others?
• If other people feel hurt or inconvenienced when you do what’s right for yourself, how is that your “fault”?
• Are you responsible for how other people feel?
• When did you give others the power to judge you, as selfish or as anything else?
• Do you want to spend the rest of your life doing what other people want you to do?
• At what point do you say, “Enough!”?

Do these questions make you uncomfortable? Are you really ticked off, or maybe even outraged?

If so, ask yourself why. What you learn may be the start of a whole new appreciation of who you are, and what value you assign to yourself. How much you’re worth – to yourself.

What percentage of your life are you living for you?

If you’d like to change that answer, consult a coach.

For a complementary coaching session, go to www.key-dynamics.com

“and i am excited to come home! just so i can get hugs every day! lol

ugh! and now the tears are flowing! the tears i have been fighting back all week!!! i have never cried when saying goodbyes to people like this…graduations, i usually don’t even cry at funerals… but this… this time i can’t stop myself… the excitement of coming home to see you all… mixed with the “homesickness” i know i am going to have for bremen and all my friends here… and the pain that i know i may not see some of these amazing, crazy, hilarious, wonderful people again… you know how i am after a week at camp or MP when i miss my “family” from those weeks…but this… this is soo much harder! these people have been my FAMILY my stronghold, we’ve been each other’s shoulders, cooks, BFFs, mom’s, caretakers…etc… we have been each others entire worlds for a year… i’m going to be an ocean away from most all of them… and at least a couple states or a border from the others… i feel bad…because i want to be home… i want to be with my blood family… my homeland… where a piece of my heart always is…but i don’t want to leave here either… i don’t want to leave the people… i can leave the place…it’s just another material object… i could care less about most of the material possessions i have here… but to leave the people… my mismatched loving massive adopted family members here… i feel like my heart is breaking a little… but i could call that a good thing…because then each of them can take a little piece of it with them… and then i can visit those pieces later… in a year or two…

omg… why can’t i stop crying! AHH! I hate this… maybe i’ll wear black today…lol… jk…

ok… deep breathes…”

i told dom i would forward this to him…but i felt the need to post it on here…since i was honest… with myself… ok… so now off to pack until i know what i am doing this evening…if all else fails, i’ll go to the river and see who is down there…

…lata days

I received a rather amusing email from a Full-Timing friend who has been workamping for several years. Her main grip was “everyone wants to be a vagabond now!”

Lately everywhere you turn there is an article popping up either online, in the print newspaper or even on the TV news, regarding living the RV or caretaker life. The reporters interview a few of us “houseless” folks and then manage to piece a story together on how their faithful readers or viewers can just give up everything and “live free” too.

These pieces promise that you too can be a vagabond. Honestly, I’ve been finding it rather amusing!

One article I read said that there was no need to buy a new RV because they depreciate like cars. Okay, that is true… but did she mention that most campgrounds and RV resorts require newer models? Most places want workampers who have models no older than 8 to 10 years. I have heard of places even saying six years or newer. So before you rush out and buy that 1980s Trek motorhome that the guy “down the road” has for sale in his mother-in-law’s barn, you better do your homework on what types of workamping jobs you hope to get and what most employers require.

Another article I read said that this lifestyle was only for retirees.  Hmm… I’m not retired (or even close to it for another 30+ years!) and several of our Full-Timing and/or workamping friends are either too young to retiree or still have families of their own (who live the lifestyle with them). There is a growing number of younger folks and families who live this way and get along quite nicely. So don’t rule it out Full-Timing or workamping if you are younger than 65.

This same piece mentioned that the jobs were rather easy and required no effort. Well… I would love to drag this writer to a campground or RV resort and put them to work for a day. Yes, it takes no skill to handle 100+ check-ins on a Friday night during the summer or on a holiday. (Insert me rolling my eyes here!) Or how about cleaning several bathouses a day and operating a Kiavac machine. No skill? No effort? Okay, well then how about mowing several acres of lawn around a hundred RVs in 90 degree temps? No sweat! Yes, there are some easier jobs out there, but in outdoor hospitality – anything goes! So even a light Camp Host position may find you having to haul firewood, clean restrooms or help evacuate the campground during an emergency.

I could go on and on, as there have been so many “be a vagabond” stories lately. With recent economic changes and many people struggling to keep their home or in need of a new career, these articles and news casts offer hope and freedom. Don’t get me wrong, it can and it does for many, but before you make that leap you should do some research and speak to those who have (or are on) that road!

Everyone may want to be a vagabond, but not just anyone can be a vagabond and be happy with it.

“Why isn’t there a handbook on taking care of parents when they get old?” someone recently lamented to me. You know, like the handbook parents don’t get when a baby is born, there should be a handbook on caring for aging, ailing parents, and for helping us and them as they go through the dying process.

An aging, ailing, and dying parents handbook could certainly provide some useful information so that baby boomer “children” don’t have to re-invent the wheel on taking care of parents who once took such good care of us, right? Afterall, we’re a generation not known for wanting to extend any extra effort on our own behalf. Okay, I’m being cynical here, but still.

As it turns out, there are many books on taking care of elderly parents. One I particularly like, and one that is endorsed by AARP no less, is “How to Care for Aging Parents” by Virginia Morris. Published by Workman Publishing, New York, it’s available through Barnes and Noble. It is a full range handbook that covers a wide array of topics including: healing old relationship wounds, finding healthcare providers, healthy aging, physical body changes, mental and emotional changes, nursing homes, spiritual needs, finances, elder law, and even dying what to do next.

As the cover says, it’s chock full of answers to “questions you hoped you’d never have to ask”. So if you’re wishing you had a great handbook on how to care for your elderly parents, check this one out.

Ba, ba, ba, ba.
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
Well my Dad with Alzheimer’s Disorder (DA) has turned a new page.  He must of had a large number of neurons die-off in his brain at the same time.  Suddenly Dad has absolutely no short-term memory, has a continuous need to return to his life in Chicago (we live in Florida)  Of course Dad believes Chicago is just a 40 mile trip from our present home, instead of the 1300 mile trip reality demands.   So now we find ourselves up at all hours of the night  trying to stop Dad from running away.  We find ourselves making up stories to help Dad accept his new surroundings.  Dad, “I have to get to Chicago, I’m starting a new job tomorrow.  Me: “Dad, your job called and said they had a terribly fierce snow storm and that their offices will be closed for at least a week while they remove the snow. ”

I’m sleeping
And right in the middle of a good dream
Being up at all hours of the night with Dad, it’s not bad.  I’ve just reverted back to my attitude when I had a newborn baby to feed every two hours.  I learned if I didn’t make it a big deal about losing sleep, it was a lot easier to live with – and it was. 

Like all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knockin’ at my brain.
Dad has packed every piece of luggage he owns.  Dad says he had to go home to take care of his mother.  Which takes up down the road of reminding him that his Mother and Father are gone.  Dad cries for a while as he grieves anew.  DBL collects the packed bags and places them in the attic until this crisis is over.  We shake our heads and say there has got to be an easier way.  

Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread:
Eventually I started making up all kinds of wild stories to keep dad in a happy frame of mind.  He’d notice a hub cap missing from the car.  I’d say I lost it while riding in a demolistion derby in town.  Dad would rave that I would do something so immature.  I’d smile and he’d realises I’m just kidding. 

“I think I love you!”
Last night I sat next to Dad’s bed and just like a meditation tape I begin to prepare Dad for meditation.   I take Dad down an imagine road to help him relax and slip deeply into sleep.  We try deep breathing exercises.  He fights me by reminding me that he has to go to Chicago in the morning.  And I continue, one by one addressing his fears and removing the fears (this type of meditation uses a great deal of imagination).   And after an hour or so, we end up at a place where we’re floating in the clouds surrounded by guardian angels.  I invite his entire family to join us in Spirit and they do.  Dad finds this the most comforting.  Dad asks me the names of his angels.  I draw on my bibilical knowledge of Angel names.  And we’re floating with the angels who will stand over us all night until morning arrives.  Dad starts snoring.  I wait a little while longer and then creep back to my bedroom and bed.  Where I fall into a deep sleep.  Until 2 am of course when Dad wakes me up, with all his belongings in his arms (since all his luggage has dissapeared).  You might think my meditation was a failure, but I tell you, it was much easier to get Dad back to bed (just a few minutes) so I could returned to my bed of dreams. 

 This morning
I woke up with this feeling
I didn’t know how to deal with
I plan on continuing the meditations to see if I can help Dad allay his fears and relax.  Wishing you all a sweet night sleep. 

 And so I just decided to myself
I’d hide it to myself and never talk about it
And didn’t I go and shout it
When you walked into the room
“I think I love You.”

I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you.
Isn’t that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I’ve never felt this way.

I don’t know what I’m up against.
I don’t know what it’s all about.
I got so much to think about.

Hey, I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you.
Isn’t that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I’ve never felt this way.

Believe me,
You really don’t have to worry.
I only want to make you happy
And if you say,
“Hey, go away,” I will, but I think better still
I’d better stay around and love you.
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face:
Do you think you love me?

I think I love you.  Many Thanks to David Cassidy for the use of his lyrics.

I looked up books about mothers with bipolar and all I found was children writing about their mothers with bipolar, or I found self-help books for parents of bipolar children. Either way, whomever was in the position of being the caretaker, or victim, of the illness was made quite clear. Someone was at a disadvantage.

I definitely write about my dad having the illness and what that means to me, but I would like to start a project/writing concerning what it means to be a parent with the disorder. I mean, number one for me is that I hope my kids never get this, but now they are at risk. There’s also in the back of my mind, the observation of their behaviors, and if they are already showing signs. Mine began very early, definitely at the same age my son is now, 9.