I swear to God...

Well, like I predicted, it was only a matter of time before my worlds collided and graduate school Tamara would try and kill goofball, silly, sarcastic Tamara. Apparently there is no joking allowed in graduate school. Whaaaa? No puns? No gags? No guffaws? No quips? No antics? No tomfoolery? No shenanegans? No banter? No jesting? No monkeyshines? No horseplay? No clowning around? No repartee? No mischief?  No pranks? No being droll? No yanking anyones chain? No carrying on? No being jolly? No being jovial? No giggling?

So it’s no party, no disco. No fooling around. And being silly is my God given talent, so I had to decide what was important and what my priorities were.  I tried to handle it, but I wasn’t learning anything in graduate school that I didn’t already know. I wish there was just a test I could take, like the Bar exam, instead of all the beurocratic bullshit the school wanted me to do.

Socrates said that an unexamined life is not worth living. What’s important to you? Personally, I refuse to drink the moron flavored kool-aid. I must be real and be the person I was always supposed to be.  While my intentions are good, I am stuck in grad school with nit-wits, half-wits, dim-wits, morons, idiots, nincompoops, imbiciles, doofuses, fools, dweebs, numbskulls, nimrods, jackasses and yo-yo’s. Every single time I try to talk to some of these people I need to leave a trail of bread crumbs to find my way back home.

I have been told I cannot make wisecracks in class by my professor who won’t get into specifics with me, although he said I was funny and he was addicted to comic books. Too bad he reamed me out for making jokes in class..he’s off the free comic book list. So now I have to decide if I want to go deeper into debt for a degree that I may not be able to use until 3 years from now or should I just concentrate on my writing, which I really like, and am working on all kinds of pitches for ideas I’d like to do. LOVE to be silly. LOVE to wisecrack..It’s my God given talent.  Note I’m up at 6 am doing this instead of working on a paper. I just can’t allow any person, place or thing interfere with my serenity.  And so, after this semester, if I can’t find a different school, I’m going to take a leave of absence and work on my writing and joke making. But when I am making a joke and people don’t get it, and think I”m just insulting them, that’s when you know you are working a tough room. I’ve worked a lot of tough rooms and it’s time for me to get a little fun out of  life.  The blog was one of the best things I ever did in my life and I could care less about money. I am wicked thrifty when I have to be.

I’m just tired of getting into debates with inbred weirdos who have no idea where I’ve been and who I am. The class was making me do a lot of autobiographical stuff and it was quite painful. Getting ready to check myself in someplace. I’ve had people telling me to write a book forever, so that’s why I started the blog. The blog leads me somewhere, and I get to crack myself up every day. I figured if I wrote at least one page a day, I’d have that book ready to go in a year. But my worlds collided and I got punished for being my true self, and to be anything more than my true self is excrutiatingly painful. I have to be REAL.

I guess I never expected people on the graduate level to be so ignorant. The bad spelling and grammar alone were driving me crazy. And since you can’t use eye contact or tone of voice in an email, I think people don’t know you so they think it’s acceptable to dis you on the internet.  So last week I let the idiots get to me. I almost lost my marbles. So I had to shut down and retool, just like Kramer when he had to retool his own version of The Merv Griffin Show. Got my priorities back in order, and my sanity is most important and I must do whatever it takes and go to any lengths to keep my sanity.  People hate getting called out on their bullshit. If someone says something that I know the real facts on, I ask them to quote the reference they got it from just to humor me and then I tell them what the answer is. Apparently, this offends the idiots.

So from now on, I have a new policy for school. Just the facts, ma’am. I feel like I am constantly cleaning house and it is just exhausting. On the other  hand, I am done with school in 4 weeks and it’s gonna be a free for all for this workaholic. I’m starting to feel like Judd Nelson at the end of The Breakfast Club.

And remember the words of the late great Socrates. “An unexamined life is not worth living”..Painful sometimes to cut off your gangreened arm, but must be done if you are to live. That’s what I meant by cleaning house. Had to delete some Facebook people, but lo and behold if all the urban myths didn’t start to surface. It’s like reaching that extra secret bonus level on a PSP that you only heard exists through the grapevine. Things are happening, doors are opening, and the wheels are in motion. I must also give props to Conan O’Brien, who said ‘If you work hard and are nice, amazing things happen. So while spiritual growth is not easy, I do know that I have no business associating with jackasses.

I once asked someone I respected why a certain person wasn’t doing what they were supposed to do on a job that directly affected me and he said ‘Do you expect them to do their job well???”. Gee, I never thought about that.

So I must continue to be my true self, take me or leave me, I don’t care.  Life is too short to be bothered with things that aren’t part of God’s plan for you. The sooner one figures this out, the happier one will be. Where do I get this inspiration? Carol Burnett, amongst others. More later. xoxo Tamara

Get ready for the unveiling of  the most played game in the world, Monopoly. The 75th anniversary version, Monopoly Revolution won’t be available until next fall but you can see it’s debut at the Toy Fair in NY in mid- February.

In this version, players will rotate around the circular Monopoly board, the pewter player pieces will be replaced with translucent multicolored obelisks and Monopoly money will be a thing of the past as the game goes paperless with a credit card system. According to Hasbro the circular board was a concept in the original 1935 patent. Since then, Hasbro estimates that 750 million people have played the game which is licensed in 103 countries and printed in 37 different languages. 

However, there is a downside to this newest version.  Players like me who love to be the banker will no longer be able to steal from the kitty when fellow-players aren’t paying attention. D’oh!

via The Awesomer

It all starts with a friendly game of  Monopoly…

One of the shows that I enjoyed the most growing up was The Carol Burnett Show, which ran on CBS from 1967-1978. I found them to be some of the most talented character actors and comedians around–and thanks to YouTube, you can still see their talents on display. The last episode of the Carol Burnett Show was touching, and handled with class. In this, Carol gives a model of how to be thankful to everyone who made that show ‘go,’ attributing to them in front of the nation the great skills they had on various levels. If you listen to the interviews by Vicki Lawrence, Tim Conway, and the late Harvey Korman, you will see that Carol gave them great leeway to be creative, demonstration her own security in the process. The results of their 11-year run speak for themselves. I watched this and thought, “As a leader, I need to make sure I show this type of appreciation and communicate as clearly as she did in this last episode.”

My second season at Society for the Performing Arts was memorable in a LOT of ways. SPA was also celebrating its 40th Anniversary. For a guy like me, who writes about Houston and the things that make it a great city, being a part of this momentous occasion was one of the highlights of my time at SPA. Permit me a short history lesson.

Society for the Performing Arts was created in 1966 shortly after the opening of the Jesse H. Jones Hall for the Performing Arts. When it opened, it remained dark, or not in use. City leaders, including Mr. Jones himself, set forth to create an organization that would present a series of performing artists to fill the hall’s empty dates. Forty years later, SPA has become the largest performing arts presenter of its kind in the southwest, and has presented more than 800 performances in Houston’s Theater District. That’s a lot of dancing, singing, banging, drumming, joking, conducting and playing!

The ‘06-”07 Season opened on what became one of the more interesting nights of my life, and featured my first true moment of being in the presence of a true legend. We opened our season that year with Carol Burnett. It was a spur of the moment gig that she put together to raise money for her daughter’s playhouse in California. She did a three-show tour of Texas with the Houston stop coming on Friday, September 29, 2006. The performance that night looked a little like this:

There was a cast party on the Jones Hall stage with Ms. Burnett after the performance. Those on-stage cast parties are going to be one of the things I’ll miss most.

Speaking of cast parties, we always seemed to have more fun with those dance companies, and two companies Hubbard Street Dance Chicago and Tania Perez-Salas, provided two very memorable evenings. Hubbard Street hit Houston on Saturday, October 14, 2006. There was a cast party at a local gallery after the performance. As we got to talking to some of the dancers, the idea to take the party to Rich’s (when it was still gay) was thrown out, and readily accepted by the dancers. Well, you know how it goes . . . “after the show is the after party, after the party is the hotel lobby . . .” A coworker and I ended up back at the hotel with the company. Now I would LOVE to regale you with a hot story with deliciously salacious details, but we simply ended up hanging out in their rooms, chatting it up. The most exciting part of this story is the sun was rising in the east when I grabbed my car out of valet to head home for the evening. Not sure what I would have done had the opportunity presented itself that night, and little did I know I would be given such an opportunity less than a month later.

Saturday, November 4, 2006. Another dance performance, another cast party. I should tell you that Hubbard Street was something of a breakthrough for me when it came to dance. I discovered during that performance the kind of dance I enjoyed. I came into this night with an anticipation I had not yet felt for a dance performance. They did not disappoint. The piece pictured above was particularly memorable. The cast party was held at the home of one of our board members. Over the course of the evening, I got into an argument with one of my coworkers about our obligations when going out with artists after a performance. I was of the mind that if we took them somewhere, we were responsible to get them back to the hotel. He believed they were adults, and fully capable of getting home on their own. In the end, we were both right and both wrong. In any case, one of the dancers misunderstood the argument to be about which one of us was going to get the opportunity to, um, get to know him better. I ended up leaving the cast party with this dancer, and heading to (surprise, surprise) Guava Lamp. Me, being your faithful Houston tour guide, just wanted to show this dancer what our gay bars had to offer. However, once we got to Guava and ordered drinks, I CRASHED. It was just a LONG week, I guess, and I suggested we head out. The conversation in the car on the way back to the hotel went little something like this,

Dancer: Where are we going now?

Me: I’m taking you back to your hotel.

Dancer: I thought we were going back to your place . . .

Me: Oh no baby, I’m going home to go to SLEEP.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW-kward!

The conversation was null and void after that exchange. He silently got out of my car, and walked into the hotel. I took my happy ass home to sleep the sleep of a thousand nights.

As I state above, the 2006-2007 Season helped me begin to appreciate the artistic side of what SPA presents. That moment of clarity came towards the end of that season during our presentation of Diavolo. A local non-profit booked a private performance through me as their annual fundraiser. I got the chance to watch Diavolo from the super secret viewing booth in the back of the Cullen Theater. While watching their final piece, Trajectoire pictured above, I was overcome with a sense of awe that brought me to tears.

It might have been my happiest moment as an employee of Society for the Performing Arts. Well, at least until that one night during the 2007-2008 season . . .

Not only Americans, but also the whole world has grown to love the comedy television series The Carol Burnett Show (a.k.a Carol Burnett and Friends). Fans can’t get enough of its superb and truly comical parodies of some of the most popular films in the late 1960s and 1970s. It ran for about a decade with at least 270 episodes under the CBS network.

Their infamous takeoffs of “As the Stomach Turns”, “Went with the Wind” (a parody of Gone with the Wind), “Carol & Sis”, “Mr. Tudball and Mrs. Wiggins”, “The Family” (which later spin off into a show called Mama’s Family), “Nora Desmond” (Burnett’s impersonation of Gloria Swanson’s character Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard), and “Stella Toddler” are so funny. Even if you’ve watched it several times, it is still funny. These skits have been a standard “Burnett” all delivered in sophistication and not all slapstick. And although they are not the inventors of spoofs, it is still the top reference of most critics. 

Perhaps what the people loved about this show is that: it is not a sitcom. It is a variety show like Mad TV and Saturday Night Live. It has a live segment with the audience. The show’s opening is a “question and answer” portion, which runs for about 3-4 minutes. The audience asks Burnett about anything after getting randomly selected by the studio’s spot light.

Vicki Lawrence was the only cast member who stayed in the entire run of the series aside from Burnett. On the other hand, Tim Conway did multiple appearances on the show. But he was not a full-time cast member until 1975. Harvey Korman left prior the final season. He was replaced in 1977 by Dick Van Dyke. Lyle Waggoner left the show in 1974 to pursue a dramatic acting career.

The long-running comedy-variety show had received a handful of nominations for the Emmys and Golden Globes and won for more than 30 times.

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HEALTH: Have you ever seen a tomato try to swim? Only on those rare occasions that HEALTH is on late night TV.

HEALTH, my third film as assistant to director Robert Altman after Brewster McCloud and Nashville, taught me to roll marijuana cigarettes, hooked me on baby swiss cheese and served as the catalyst for the most popular of my three novels.

When producer Scott Bushnell called me in fall 1978 to see if I was up to another go-around as Bob Altman’s “chief gofer,” I signed on right away. Although Nashville had been a difficult shoot, it resulted in one of Bob’s masterpieces. Plus, I loved the old guy; he was the dad I’d never had.

The Location

Picture a once-grand Florida hotel, the vaguely Spanish sort that went up in St. Pete Beach in the 1920’s – all pink plaster, tile roofs, balconies here and there, and towers that look like an infidel’s minarets. The Don Cesar is right on the Gulf of Mexico, with a swimming pool for those who don’t like sand between their toes. Picture that same hotel crawling with people dressed as carrots, tomatoes, lettuce and celery. Green and yellow banners, pennants and placards hang inside the hotel and out, welcoming delegates, touting candidates, selling vitamins, tonics and dehydrated seaweed. That was where I worked for several months in late 78, early 79 on HEALTH.

Because I’d worked on Brewster McCloud (1970) and Nashville (1975), I was involved mostly in the pre-production on the film; working directly with Altman.

+ When I first met cast member Carol Burnett, I was working with the wardrobe mistress. This tiny woman with an unmistakable smile turned the corner and said, “Hi Lary. Bob said I should introduce myself so you can give me the key to my room.” I fell in love with Carol almost immediately.
+ One day, I took a gift bottle of wine to Glenda Jackson’s room and she surprised me by inviting me in for a half-hour chat about the film. She told me she requested pants suits as costumes because, “I hate my blasted legs,” she said, laughing, with her English accent.
+ I was assigned to bodyguard Dick Cavett a few times. Nice guy. Smart as a whip. But a touch of sadness there. (Years later, I learned it was clinical depression.)
+ Although Paul Dooley was a lesser known star, I spent more time with him because I typed the script as he and Frank Barhydt and Bob Altman created it. (Little-known fact: Paul’s mistress had a small part in the film. Years later, she played the witness to the murder of the screenwriter in Altman’s The Player.)
+ Henry Gibson was funny and self-absorbed while we worked together auditioning women to play his girl friend. It was to be a visual joke; a tall model with the tiny Gibson.

My first day of pre-production, Altman handed me a green zippered suitcase filled with baggies of marijuana, asked me to put it under the bed in the penthouse.  I was given $200 cash each morning to cover cheese, wine and other stuff. Each afternoon, I’d turn in my receipts to Virginia Barney, in accounting, and she would replenish my $200.

Though HEALTH did have a screenplay – attributed to Frank Barhydt, Bob Altman and Paul Dooley – it doesn’t have much in the way of a story. I know, because I typed the pages every day on an IBM Selectric typewriter in the penthouse of the Don almost as quickly as Paul, Frank and Bob dreamed them up, over Monte Carlo sandwiches and wine.

The actors were uniformly good from the stars to the unknown person in the tomato costume who jumps into the hotel pool to save a drowning man. Nothing is funnier than seeing someone in a tomato costume try to swim; 12 takes in a row.

Although HEALTH was, admittedly, a flop, I am proud to have been involved in the project.

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• Altman broke ground, tweaked convention (boston.com)

Trailer

Born to be Bad is a hoot.  It’s a fun soap opera and wish people would stop calling it a poor man’s All About Eve.  This film has it’s own identity. I first heard of it after watching a Carol Burnett parody. Now that I’ve seen the film, I can truly appreciate Burnett’s hilarous parody.  Joan Fontaine is a conniving manipulator and all smiles throughout.  She and handsome Robert Ryan make a hot couple. Ryan’s character is an arrogant narcissist who thinks Fontaine’s Christabel is so lucky to have him.  She was so stupid to give up sexual Ryan for Zachary Scott’s boring character.  What puzzles me is that while Scott’s character is rich, Ryan’s eventually becomes a successful author so why stay with Scott?

Carol Burnett parody

Halfway through the sixth viewing of the film Annie with a group of spellbound kids, something struck us beyond the great score,  brilliant casting and choreography: Miss Hannigan.

Spectacularly played by the great Carol Burnett, Miss Hannigan goes down as the single greatest movie drunk we’ve ever seen. Well, Lee Marvin runs a close second in his role in Cat Balou, but Burnett plays the role with such gusto, joy and credibility that you can’t help but fall in love with her. Again and again.

From the scenes where she passionately kisses her radio, bumps into swinging light bulbs and grasps her head in pain as the orphans shout, to the decreasing sigh tones as she swallows one glass after the next of cheap booze, this is an acting feast that you want one serving of after the next.

The hair, the make-up and costumes and her ability to imitate the voices of her little “pig-droppings” is unparalleled.

Who the hell else could pull off  the following punch-line?

Grace: What about this child?

Miss Hannigan: Annie?… Oh, you don’t want Annie.

Grace: Why not?

Miss Hannigan: Because… Because she’s a drunk!

Brilliant. And we’ve attached a clip below for your viewing pleasure.

You have other nominations? Send ‘em in!

Yesterday I posted photos from the December 1964 issue of Good Housekeeping. Carol from Old Glory Cottage asked for the celebrity recipes referred to in the photo. (Carol has some great vintage Christmas images in her sidebar.)

http://www.notablebiographies.com/images/uewb_01_img0063.jpg

There are too many for me to type all of them and they’re posted in the back of the magazine all chopped up, a column or two on each page so too difficult to scan. But I tell you what I’ll do: since Carol asked for it, I’ll include Lucy’s today, and list each celebrity and the name of their recipe and if anyone wants one, please leave a comment and I’ll post as many of them as I can.

Here’s what it says:

“Lucille Ball, one of Hollywood’s most hospitable stars, often treats dinner guests to this ‘happy ending’.

APPLE JOHN
Make about two hours before serving as follows:
1. Start heating oven to 375 degrees. Grease a 2-quart casserole. Fill it with 8 cups thinly sliced, pared, cooking apples, 1/2 cup granulated sugar, 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg, 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon, 1 tablespoon grated lemon peel, 2 tablespoons lemon juice and 1/4 cup water; then toss together with a fork. Bake, covered, 1 hour or until apples are tender. Now turn oven heat up to 450 degrees.

2. In bowl combine 2 cups packaged biscuit mix and 2 tablespoons granulated sugar; quickly stir in 2 to 3 tablespoons melted butter or margarine and 1/2 cup milk. Then drop, by rounded tablespoonfuls, around top edge of casserole, also one in center of biscuit ring. Bake, uncovered, about 12 to 15 minutes or until biscuits are golden and done. Cool slightly.

3. Serve warm, with vanilla ice cream on top of each serving. Makes 9 servings.”

Mrs. Lyndon B. Johnson: Pecan Pie

Julie Andrews: Striezel, Hot Mincemeat Pie with Rum Sauce

Doris Day: Green and Gold Salad

Bing Crosby: Wild Duck

Deborrah Kerr: Creamy Raspberry Cups

Patty Duke: Crunch Walnut Bread

Jack Benny: Superior Fried Chicken

Polly Bergen: Chili

Tony Curtis: Hungarian Kipfel

Shirley Booth: Chess Tarts

Fannie Hurst: Indienne Beef Stew

Peggy Lee: Hearts of Palm Salad

Johnny Carson: Christmas Waldorf

Eartha Kitt: Salade Nicoise

Danny Thomas: Homos Be Tahinee

Gina Lollobrigida: Christmas Wreath Cookies

Carol Channing: Golden Popcorn Balls

Rick Nelson: Beef Tartare, Stuffed Brussel Sprouts

Beatrice Lillie: Peel Fold Christmas Trifle

Raymond Burr: Grand Marnier Chocolate Mousse

Carol Burnett: Chicken Casserole

Inger Stevens: De Luxe Rice Pudding

Hugh Downs: Nut Filled Cakes

Blanche Thebom: Doppa I Grytan

Walter Cronkite: Harvard Beets

Eileen Farrell: Citrus Froth

Elke Sommer: Christmas Stollen

Dick Van Dyke: Brandied Sweet Potatoes

Sometimes when I am feeling nostalgic, I put in an old movie; the other day, I put in Road to Bali and Road to Rio. I love Hope and Crosby’s road movies; they take me back to a simpler time, or to a time that I wish to think was simpler.  Tonight, I watched Andy Williams’ Christmas Show at the Moon River Theater in Branson.  That’s what he did.  For two hours, Andy Williams whisked me back to the early 1960s, to a time before the Vietnam War grew hot, before the Beatles grew their hair, before Archie Bunker flushed a toilet on national TV.  For two hours, I was a child, sitting with my long-departed parents, watching our favorite Christmas Special.

Williams began his recording career in 1944 singing back-up to Bing Crosby.  In those days, Crosby was at the top of the charts, and anyone who wanted to get ahead in the music business became a crooner, like Crosby.  At one point, in the early 1930s, Frank Sinatra (according to a biography) had made up his mind to become the “next Bing Crosby.”  By the mid 50s, Williams was no longer in Crosby’s shadow, and had begun a successful recording career of his own.

At the same time that he began his recording career, Williams began to get small parts in film, usually playing a musician.  When he got national exposure by earning a regular spot on Steve Allen’s show, his recording career took off.  His first album was Andy Williams Sings Steve Allen, followed a little later by Andy Williams and Andy Williams Sings Rodgers and Hammerstein. Williams soon found himself in demand as a guest on television variety shows.  He made an appearance on the Dick Clark Show.   He appeared six times in the late 50s on Pat Boone’s television show, which played host to other big names, such as Shirley Jones, The McGuire Sisters, The Mills Brothers, and Joel Grey.  And, in 1957, he got a shot at his own summer TV show, a forerunner of his long-running variety show.

Andy Williams’ Variety Show took several forms over the next two decades; names changed as sponsors changed, and as the show changed networks.  In his first series, Andy partnered with singer June Valli.  The next summer, Andy partnered with Dick Van Dyke in the Chevy Showroom Starring Andy Williams.  And, in 1959, the Chevy name was dropped from the show.  In 1961, Williams first recorded the song that would become his theme song, Moon River. He performed it the next year at the Academy Awards ceremony, where it won an Oscar for the writers, Henry Mancini and Johnny Mercer (the song was sung by Audrey Hepburn in the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s).  Williams’ performance led to a TV special that same spring, where Andy again teamed with Dick Van Dyke.  The special was produced by TV giants Bud Yorkin and Norman Lear (who would go on to produce All in the Family, Maude, and most of the great sitcoms that would  - in the next decade – spell the end of variety shows like The Andy Williams Show).  For this special, Andy also enlisted the help of Ann Margaret, Andy Griffith, and Henry Mancini. The special proved so popular that Williams was asked to again star in a TV series.  That fall, The Andy Williams Show that I grew up with premiered on NBC and ran for 115 episodes.

The Andy Williams Show was reduced to three episodes a year through 1967 and 1968, but when it came back in 1969, the show was again broadcast weekly,  and was stronger than ever.  TV, however, was about to change.  In the early 1970s, the variety show was at its peak.  One could flip through the channels and watch The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour,  The Carol Burnett Show, The Flip Wilson Show, The Wacky World of Jonathan Winters, The Bobby Goldsboro Show, The Dean Martin Show, and This is Tom Jones, just to name a few.  But by 1976, few variety shows remained on the air.  The Lawrence Welk Show had retreated first to PBS, and then to syndication.  Donny and Marie rubbed against the grain when they introduced their variety show in 1976; it lasted one season.  Tony Orlando and Dawn outlasted most, running through 1977, and The Bobby Vinton Show ran through 1978.  The Andy Williams Show ran its natural course, ending in 1971.

When not in the studio, Andy ran a successful record company (Cadence Records – one of Williams’ discoveries is Ray Stevens, who also starred in his own variety show, which Williams produced), and continued to star on TV specials, including his remarkable Christmas specials.

It is in the spirit of those Christmas specials that Andy Williams presents his show in Branson.  His show is paced well, of high production quality, and entertaining as ever.  Backed up by a 10-piece band, a chorus of about a dozen, and a half-dozen special guests, Williams shines.  He is not above making fun of his age, and, in fact, has crafted an entire routine around “Cookie Bear” pestering Andy about his age.  Speaking of age, let’s just lay to rest any rumors: Andy still sings well – remarkably well – still does an occasional soft shoe, and is still able to carry a note higher and longer than most people half his age.  I was truly impressed.

Seeing Cookie Bear, by the way was just one of the joys of watching Andy Williams’ Christmas Show.  The guest stars for this season were astounding.  Classical dancers Pasha & Aliona presented an indescribable routine.  It is not fair to call them dancers, for their dance is magical, changing costumes in front of your eyes, quicker than you can comprehend.  Their routine will leave you wondering what you just saw.  Dean Church, arguably the best fiddler in the world, is a treat, and the Warnock girls may be the most talented sisters to perform in Branson since the Lennons Sisters.  The guest star that stands out in my mind, however, is Bob Anderson, a veteran of Las Vegas and a Branson favorite.

Williams played host to an innumerable list of guest stars on his TV show, from Roy Rogers to Kenny Rogers, from Charlie Callas to Mama Cass.  Andy gave the Osmond Brothers their big break, and gave a showcase to the last of the great Vaudevillians (people like Jimmy Durante, Phyllis Diller and Charlie Callas).  Watching Anderson interact with Williams on his Branson Christmas show is a close recreation of the old series.  Anderson does a spot on, if not perfect, impersonation of the Rat Pack, Robert Goulet, Tom Jones, and dozens of other voices, including Andy himself.

Andy has written his autobiography, Moon River and Me, which is on the Los Angeles Times best sellers list.  I look forward to reading it.  The season is almost over, but if you get a chance in the next week to get to Branson, be sure to catch Andy Williams’ show.

Ricky remembers his very first field trip when he was Prep in Ateneo. He and his classmates went to watch the movie “Annie”. Watching it again now on DVD, he discovers how utterly delightful Carol Burnett was in it as the perpetually inebriated and chronically out of balance Miss Hannigan.

Nakeesha Charles 2009 Soul Train Awards

I had my first red carpet experience this week attending the filming of the 2009 Soul Train Awards  in Atlanta at the Georgia World Congress Center. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I was invited by my lovely sistren, auntie, mentor and friend Una Morgan of Morgan Heritage. Her brother Gramps Morgan (whose first solo album ‘2 Sides of My Heart Vol. 1′ I am wearing out), also of MH, attended as well. Thank you again.

First, let me say some positive. It was so wonderful to be in a room full of celebrities and everyone I smiled at or spoke to returned the greetings with blessed energy. Some of them even initiated the smiles and greetings. It was very enlightening.

As we entered the first celebrities we saw were Kandi Burress, previously from Xscape and currently with the Real Housewives of Atlanta and her co-star NeNe Leakes (the pure definition of ghetto).  They entered separately. I will say this for both of them: they know how to rock those short hair-dos, their hair was on point. And I am not mad at NeNe’s diva walk, she was strutting like she was on the runway, get it girl. Just don’t start talking cause the lack of class is apparent from the first syllable.

I like Kandi’s story line on the show. She seems to have the most interesting mix of dynamics. It was a smart move to add her to the show. I loved the show when she was in her momma’s kitchen having a round table discussion with the elders in her family about her relationship. Now we all know that we will choose to do what we want to do, but I like the fact that she was strong enough to hear them out and allow them to state their disapproval and support.  Now all she needs is a husband, so she can actually attempt to be a housewife. (ok, I’m letting it go, I could go on and on about this crazy ass show – get rid of the white girl with the bad wigs…)

As we waited to walk the red carpet we stood next to actor Terry Crew who was chatting it up with Bootsy Collins. Bootsy and his wife were expectedly loud: dressed HEAD TO TOE in silver sequins. Even Bootsy’s top hat was covered in sequins. And as if one Bootsy is not enough, Tommy Davidson’s simple ass comes in dressed as Bootsy. He got a few laughs out of the gimmick. So I suppose he accomplished his goal since he is a comedian. However, he needs to leave his shirt on, no one wants to see your bony stick figure.

Speaking of stick figures, OMG I did not know that Robin Thicke was so thin. He was very nice and polite. But, eat a hamburger sometimes, or some potatoes, rice, carbs, dude. Monica has always been super slim so that was no shock, she looked good and something about her aura seems very ‘I take no mess, from nobody.’ I like that.

Keri Hilson and Toni Braxton are also members of the ‘don’t let the wind blow too hard or I might topple over club.’ Keri Hilson’s performance left much to be desired. Toni Braxton opened the show with Trey Songz singing ‘Yesterday’. Everyone is talking about them kissing. It’s a performance people, they are performing, had they done it on the red carpet and not on stage we may have had to think twice about it. They both have great stage presence and strong voices. I think Trey Songz is trying to show me his grown man. I need to watch this video all the ladies are talking about.

Hosts Taraji P. Henson and Terrence Howard were great. I like their dynamic together. The skits were funny and entertaining. Taraji, has some serious comedic ability that I hope she has the opportunity to tap into in her future work. She reminds me of Carol Burnett. She seems very willing to stretch herself for the sake of the artistry. Thumbs up sister. Terrence, is very easy on the eyes and he can sing a little something, too. The album he released would get NO play in the black community. It was not R&B or Hip Hop; it was very alternative eclectic, I like it. His performances at this ceremony where on point, I enjoyed him. I hope that them hosting together becomes a tradition.

Okay, I have been as nice as I know how to be: what is wrong with these event coordinators??? The show started over a half an hour late. It was three+ hours long. In between the taping they had some loud screaming comedian whose name I can’t remember poorly entertaining the crowd. The sound folks need to be slapped, the mics kept going out. They had to do re-takes. It seemed so slow sitting in the audience, we became chatty with one another because there was nothing else to do. No one knew what was going, how long the show would be, why it was taking so long in between filming. Whew. One of these days…CP time is not cute. The benefits of organization and efficiency are incredible. Professionalism = more work = more $!!! If this show was live it would have been a DISASTER.

I hope they have hired some fabulous editors. They will need them. I cannot wait to see the final cut broadcast.

Notable exception to all things: CHRISETTE MICHELE, this sister can sing. No gimmicks, no flashing lights, no dancers. She and her microphone: Hell YES!!! This woman has pipes. She makes it look easy. She SANG ‘Blame it on Me’ from her current album ‘Epiphany.’ I was so impressed by her.

The tribute to Charlie Wilson was nice. (His wife is another bad wig white woman – what’s wrong with a quality wig?) Brian McNight (who was so super cool with his hellos) saved Kandi at the opening of the tribute and Charlie did it best closing the tribute.

I also rubbed shoulders with 2 of the members of Boyz II Men, Nathan & Wanya Morris, Ray J, Angie Stone (who had a big tacky wad of blue gum in her mouth), Keith Sweat (who introduced the Charlie Wilson tribute), Estelle, K-Ci & JoJo, the cast of ‘Meet the Browns’ ~including Lamman Rucker – who I could not resist snapping a photo of, those dimples and that smile – yes, yes, yes ~, Mario (whose single I love but his performance sucked), reggae artist: Serani,  some others who I recognized by sight but couldn’t call their names if you offered me money and Chaka Khan.

I missed the finale, which I hate cause I’m a total Chaka Khan fan (I guess I will have to be happy with her hello!) So I will be viewing that portion of the show with everyone else when it airs November 29, 2009.

Hopefully, there will be many more red carpets to walk in the future. I had so much fun getting dressed up and taking photos! And next time I will have something to compare it to, many thanks for new experiences. Enjoy the show!

So…my mother was here last week, which means I got to indulge in a New York lifestyle drastically different from the norm. To wit: I got up and dressed every single day and didn’t once look for a job or do any copywriting or tinker with my book proposal. Instead, I went to restaurants under the purview of celebrity chefs and saw shows on Broadway. I would imagine I would eventually run out of shows and/or get bored if this was my regular life, but…from here, the grass looks pretty green.

Our first stop was Bobby Flay’s Mesa Grill. I’ve probably walked by this place a million times, but I’ve never been inside. However, I’ve been meaning to ever since I was at work (or in a class) once and my mom was exploring the city on her own and stumbled upon it and was super-excited and ended up doing a big, brave thing and eating there on her own. So…after six years, I finally ate there. I was really happy with my chile relleno — stuffed with eggplant and rolled in cornmeal! — but my mom was a little disappointed with her sweet potato ravioli…which was a shame as it is the one dish that jumped out on the menu to me, too. I’ve sort of had a complex about chile rellenos since eating at a Mexican restaurant in Wisconsin that served an extremely eggy one. As we all know, I HATE EGGS. So…it freaked me out and sort of put me off chile rellenos for a while. But my mother quoted somebody — possibly Bobby Flay — who said that you really shouldn’t be able to taste the egg in a good chile relleno…and she/he was right. (I also really enjoyed the barbed-wire tiles in the bathroom. Nice touch, BF.)

That night we went to the Grand Central Oyster House…which is another one of those places I have heard about for ages but have never actually tried. I don’t honestly remember where all of the oysters came from — although I’m pretty sure two were from the East coast and two were from the West. Either way, it came with mignonette…which is my favorite part about oysters. I had it for the first time at Elliott’s Oyster House in Seattle years ago…and that was it. I was sold. I also had scallops (which I am told my father liked…which is worth mentioning solely because the whole reason my mom came out to NY was to walk with me in the Light the Night Walk in his memory/honor and so I could perhaps exorcise a demon or two) and my mom got a white fish that came with chunks of bacon on top. Both, again, were very, very good…and we were early because we had tickets to Jersey Boys (still hadn’t seen it!) and I imagine it gets pretty cozy in there as the night goes on, but it seems like it would be fun to meet up there for drinks and oysters after work someday. (Also? There is a red lip-shaped couch in the bathroom.) After the show, we hit up Junior’s for cheesecake…and my mom was very excited to see an autographed photo from Bobby Flay. So…it was like the whole day came full circle.

The next day we got lunch at Bagels by the Park and headed out for the God of Carnage matinee. (Loved it! So good! And so funny! Despite the sort of Heart-of-Darkness point of it all…) We had some time to kill afterward, so we hit up the Ripley’s Believe it or Not Museum in Times Square (it was either that or Madame Tussaud’s…and the guy at the door gave us $5 off each ticket)…and I guess we should have known better as it was pretty much a huge letdown. Or, rather, there was a lot of uncomfortable stuff: people with really unfortunate physical abnormalities; a room that traps you inside; torture devices; and weird medical situations. There was one breast implant display with a pair of boobs that inflated at the push of a button…otherwise, a big miss. Then I tried to take Ma to the Rainbow Room, but it’s apparently closed for awhile? (Kind of ironic that the Web site says, “Then. Now. Forever,” eh?) And so we opted instead for the revolving lounge atop the Marriott Marquis…and wouldn’t you know it? Florence Henderson was there. Small world. So…we had a drink there and tried to determine which building was which and whether Florence did anything besides the Brady Bunch and Wesson Oil (I have a “Christmas Carols” refrigerator magnet that includes Ms. Henderson, Carol Burnett, Carol Channing and Carroll O’Connor).

THEN we went to Mario Batali’s Spotted Pig as my mom really, really, REALLY likes Mario Batali. We had to wait at the bar for a bit, but it wasn’t a big deal as two seats opened up right away…almost like fate! We had oysters *again* and my mom was thinking about getting pork belly, but our server told us it was pretty fatty…so she ended up with a fish again and I got chorizo-stuffed quail with goat cheese pudding. Pretty amazing. Although the kitchen was churning out burger/fries like they were going out of style. And the guy at the table next to us could not have been any more smarmy and sort of reminded me why I’ve vowed to be the Lone Wolf for awhile. (We also finished things off with a stop by Magnolia Bakery so my mother could have one of the cupcakes made famous by you-know-what.)

On our last full day, we had a late lunch at Chevy’s and dinner after the walk (So cold! But Tina Fey was there!) at an Italian restaurant in my neighborhood that Guilia Melucci wrote about in “I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti.” We had tried to get in to Buttermilk Channel, which used to be a place called Cafe Scaramouche where I had brunch sort of on a regular basis with my friend Bob and ordered pancakes with caramelized orange peel that he called “pancakes in drag.” But it’s apparently quite a hot spot as the wait was an hour and we were cold, starving walkers, so we sought out the quiet Italian joint.

And then that was it. Mom went back to Tucson and I went back to reality. Still have a little linguine left over…but then it really is back to my own cookin’. Good thing I’m still really excited about my Trader-Joe’s-in-the-middle-of-the-day epiphany…

Gentle Reader: Can I be honest with you? I almost forgot to blog this week. No joke. I work nights and when I got home last night I completely spaced on watching Runway. Completely. I forgot the show. For me, it has become completely forgettable. When I did finally crank up the tube and as the show teaser came on, Nic said “This is the best PR moment ever”. Whatever, I thought. Prove it. Oh, great. Now I’m both forgetful and bitter. Thanks, Project Runway!

Heidi appeared this week in another funky outfit. Were those red pants sequined as homage to this week’s guest, the great Bob Mackie? Ew. She reminded us that Gordana had immunity and that this week ended all immunity. The finale draws closer!

The designers ran off to meet Mr. Mackie and they were all in awe. A legend. Who else could have designed such memorable outfits as Cher’s controversial Indian get up or the great sight gag dress he came up with for the Gone with the Wind sketch on the Carol Burnett show. Classics. As if that weren’t enough, they were designing for the great Diva Ms. Christina Aguilera. Holla!

As the designers sketched, Nic was in heaven as this is his style, and Carol Hannah worried that she would really have to push past her normal design decisions. At Mood the designers snatched up anything that sparkled or was plucked from a bird. This is a perfect opportunity for Nic to show us why he is called the Feather Prince.

Back in the studio we got a little bit of flirting between hottie Logan and big-eyed Ms. Carol Hannah, although it was mostly high school giggling from her. And even though Gordana had immunity, she was super worried about her dress because the sequins kept falling off every time she touched it.

On day two, Gordana made the decision to start over with an entirely new dress. Shirin is sticking to old Hollywood glamour which we’ve seen Xtina in before. Tim told Nic that his design was too close to his Ice Princess look. Tim is very confident about Carol Hannah’s dress, yet tells poor Shirin that her garment looks like student work.

Oh. And talk about bitter! Irina made normally catty Nic and bitter ol’ me look like Mother Teresa with her diatribe about Shirin. She said that better designers had already left the competition, that Shirin’s design style was bargain basement, and that she really didn’t even see her as a designer. Well, the claws have really come out now!

So the models streamed in and the designers seem to be a little more hopeful about the more tragic elements of their designs and as day two closed. We also got a little more giggling from Carol Hannah over Logan and he asked her if he was distracting. Duh. She blushes and giggles and gets nervous each time he speaks to her. He’s playing it super cool. As the pressure of this particular challenge mounted and the stress of the long haul set in, we saw a little nutty behavior while the designers blew off steam. Irina was at it again and running her mouth about, of all people, Carol Hannah. Nic said Irina was a good designer, but a bitch! Go Nic!

For judges this week we got Mr. Mackie, Nina returned and (surprise!) Ms. Aguilera herself. Maybe before the show is over Michael and Nina will be together again. After the runway, Heidi told Gordana she was lucky to have immunity as her dress was horrible and Gordana agreed. Xtina said she could totally see herself in C-H’s dress, Nina called it glamorous, Bob loved the play of textures and Heidi called it a wow dress. Heidi called Shirin’s dress a Halloween costume and the other judges hated it, too. Althea’s dress was nicely made and well liked by the judges. The judges called Christopher’s outfit “done” although Xtina gave him an E for effort. Nic’s silver dress was especially loved by Bob and Xtina and cited for how well an entertainer could move about in the garment. Bob did want a little something extra along with it. Logan’s edgy Punk look didn’t push it quite enough for the judges. Christina was really nice and gave great feedback for all the designers. And when Mr. Mackie talked about hiking a dress all the way to the crotch and putting on diamond panties, his experience and costume savvy was so obvious!

Xtina proclaimed Carol Hannah the winner and it was down to Shirin and Christopher in the bottom two. Unbelievably, Shirin was booted. You, dear reader, know I love Christopher, but because of the last few challenges and his out of touch performance this week, I think it was time for him to go.

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That’s an education in itself.

Have many people asked you, “Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?” Do you know the answer?

When I was in elementary school I remember wanting to be a comedienne like Carol Burnett or Lucille Ball. (Check out the videos I found on YouTube of my favorite Carol Burnett skit).

Well, I didn’t go into comedy because, for one thing, I don’t have the talent. But, even with oodles of talent in whatever it is you love to do (e.g. skateboarding, playing the clarinet, painting), you will need skills such as persistence, discipline, social (or people) skills, and more to succeed. I will share as much advice as I can about this subject in future blog posts.

If you don’t know what you want to do yet, you’re not alone. However, it’s never too early to be thinking about it. So, here’s an  Aunt Sheri tip you can take to the bank:

Pay attention to what others say they think you do well

For instance, beginning with one of my first jobs, people would ask me to write things for them (letters, articles, speeches, presentations, etc.), because they said I was a good writer. I didn’t study writing formally, but guess what, it’s how I make my living now–and, I LOVE IT

© Sheri Jordan and Aunt Sheri Says, 2009-2010.

Carol Creighton Burnett (born April 26, 1933) is an American actress, comedienne, singer, dancer and writer. Burnett started her career in New York. After becoming a hit on Broadway, she debuted on television. After successful appearances on The Garry Moore Show, Carol moved to Los Angeles and began an eleven-year run on the The Carol Burnett Show which was aired on CBS television from 1967 to 1978.

This autograph collection is for sale. If you are interested in any pieces of the collection you can contact us via email at kim1980berly[at]gmail[dot]com or you can contact Kim by phone at 813.516.4808 [if there is no answer, please leave a voice mail stating that you are inquiring about the Autograph Collection]

Thank you!

Among my New Year’s Resolutions is one to spend less time on this blog.  Life is busy with lots of great things and I need to focus on other areas more.  As a result, I plan on posting on each Wednesday.  Today is the first of these.  It is light hearted and not the usual political content.  Please check by each Wednesday.  Thanks.

This takes five minutes (plus a few minutes to recover) but it’s worth it.

If only Tiger had watched this first……..

Long before the Internet was born, and online DVD stores launched, watching television was a scheduled affair. If the show is on 6PM, you’ve got to be home by that time or else you’ll miss it forever.

Although there are reruns, it is most probably scheduled at the same time it is usually aired. And that’s a bummer since you can’t just leave work because you’re an avid fan of The Nanny or Carol Burnett and Friends. I bet your boss would slap you in the face and kick your butt right out of his company due to your twisted priorities.

But today, technology moves forth leading our lives to convenience. It is amazing how we could get entertained anytime we wanted to. It started with the videocassette recorder (VCR), wherein one could record television shows as it airs and watch it later on whenever we arrive home.

And of course now, clear DVD copies are available for us to enjoy TV series, sitcoms or cartoons in their complete seasons’ episodes any time. But this does not only go for the latest or newest TV series. These DVD stores offer copies of your all-time favorite shows from the 90’s, 80’s or even the 70’s. No longer are the classics confined to your mom or grandma’s era.

Add to this the continuous rise of the Internet and its wondrous powers, there’s no need to run to the malls before its closing. Online DVD shops like that of Ontime DVD are created to cater to your entertainment needs. We all know how hectic and fast-paced today’s lifestyle is. But with these online shops, just load your credit card, click add to cart, and you’re good to go.

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