The Borgias Season 3 returns this Sunday night at 10/9c for it’s third season.  Rumor has it that this might be the final season, so we should all enjoy it as much as we can while it lasts.   This season starts off with Rodrigo suffering from the aftereffects of an attempted poisoning and Caterina Sforza on a mission to kill the entire family.  Spoiler: I’m pretty sure they escape since all three of them are listed in the episode synopsis for the remainder of the season.  Notably absent: Joffre.  Then again, I’ve about given up all hope that the show is ever going to remember that Joffre exists again.  Now, I have yet to actually watch the entirety of the second season, but I’m pretty sure from what I’ve seen he was barely in it.

What can we expect from the Borgias Season 3?  Things both wonderful and distressing.

First of all, we are getting official Borgiacest.  If this was surprising to anyone, I’m sorry if you haven’t watched any of the trailers yet.  The only thing that disappoints me with this is I remember Neil Jordan saying at the very beginning that he was not going to go that route.  Going with the incest route is hardly revolutionary, especially in the case of the Borgias.  Instead of being shocking, it’s simply the same old song that countless other writers have sung before.  What would have been different in this case, and more of a pleasant surprise, would be not going the incest route.  Especially since the Canal+ version has been going the incest route since the first season.

In more exciting news, Micheletto is getting his own story arc this season.  Not only his own story arc, but he’s actually getting a love interest.  Although, I am rather disturbed by how secretive they are being about the character’s gender.  Most of the summaries refer to the love interest by name or as Micheletto’s lover.  we already know he’s into men, so unless the character actually turns out to be a girl, I don’t understand what the huge secret is.  If he is, in fact, supposed to be presented as bisexual, I don’t understand what the huge secret is there either.  Still, for any fans of Sean Harris‘ Micheletto, his separate character arc is fairly exciting news.

I’ve read the promos for all ten episodes, and at the end of the list, I started to despair we would ever get a season 4.  First of all, the Ballet of Chestnuts was pushed to an early episode of this season.  For those who don’t know, the Ballet of Chestnuts was a party held in celebration of Lucrezia’s third marriage.  So, by advancing it historically, they’re pretty much admitting that they don’t believe they will get to Lucrezia’s third marriage.  Although, the description of the Ballet proves problematic.  Apparently, in The Borgias, it was an orgy designed to record the various sexual activities of the cardinals for blackmail purposes later.  Stop putting your twenty-first century morality into a historical time period.  The Ballet of Chestnuts was a celebration, not an attempt at blackmail.  What’s wrong with having an orgy just for the sake of having an orgy?  Besides that, there’s a good possibility that the real Ballet of Chestnuts was not an orgy at all, given the shoddy historical records of the time from Borgia enemies.  It is far more likely that it was simply a feast given in celebration of Lucrezia’s third marriage, and the prostitutes were probably there as an act of charity.  Because that was the type of generous spirit Pope Alexander really was.

The second reason why it seems unlikely that we will be getting a season 4 is because if Neil Jordan caved and included Borgiacest, how would he possibly be able to deal with the backlash of separating them in season 4 when he ships Lucrezia off to Ferrara?  Either that or TBTB did not think Holliday Grainger would be able to carry the season on her own, which is doing her a huge disservice.

Speculation of Season 4 aside, make sure you tune in on Sunday at 10/9c for The Borgias.

• Review: The Borgias Season 1

• The Borgias: Micheletto Corella

• Character Profile: Ferrante d’Este

]]> http://blog404dotorg.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/awesome-ladies-in-history-caterina-sforza/ Sun, 27 May 2012 00:32:36 +0000 Megan Patterson http://blog404dotorg.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/awesome-ladies-in-history-caterina-sforza/

Also known as the “Tigress of Forli”, she has been immortalized in many games, books, and movies, including Assassin’s Creed 2, The Borgias, and the manga Trinity Blood.  While all these stories emphasize the boldness and independence of the real woman, they are of course embelishments, and real facts have been changed and altered. Here is the real story of the woman who ruled one of the most strategically important duchies in Renaissance Italy on her own.

She was born in 1463, the illegitimate daughter of Galeazzo Maria Sforza, who became the Duke of Milan, and his mistress Lucrezia Landriani. She received a humanistic education as a child, and learned the same things as her brothers, which was common in Italian courts at this time.

In 1473, at the age of ten, to was married to Girolamo Riario (rumoured to be the son of Cardinal Francesco Della Rovere, the future Pope Sixtus IV, though he was formally acknowledged as his nephew), but it was not consummated until she was 14. They moved to Rome to be closer to (and serve) Riario’s illustrious uncle, and a year later Caterina gave birth to her first child, Bianca. In spite of her husband’s protestations, she quickly ingratiated herself into the Vatican court and its own complex politics of family ties (both legitimate and non), treachery, and deceit. In 1480, the Pope gave his nephew guardianship of Forli in order to increase his power in the district of Romagna. However, after his death of 1484, the city fell into anarchy, and supporters of the newly deceased Pope were turned on, with their enemies rioting and looting their homes, including that of Caterina and her husband. Even though she was seven months pregnant at the time, Caterina crossed the Tiber on horseback to take the fortress of Castel Sant’Angelo for her husband so that their family could maintain their influence over the College of Cardinals as they elected the new Pope.

However, her husband instead decided to take a bribe from the Sacred College, promising to leave Rome in exchange for stewardship of Forli and Imola, the position of Captain-General of the Church, and 8000 ducats. Caterina was furious, and raised her own soldiers and prepared to march on the Sacred College in order to force the Cardinals to parley with her. Girolamo did not support her position and in October 1484, she surrendered the Castel to the Cardinals and left Rome for Forli. Giovannia Battista Cybo, an old enemy of the Riario and Della Rovere clans, was elected Pope Innovent VIII, and of course did not honour all aspects of the Cardinals’ agreement with Girolamo Riario. He allowed him to remain Count of Forli and Imola, but did not give him any power or troops as Captain-General of the Church, and he did not give him any money either.

Unfortunately, Girolamo was also not a very effective ruler. He abolished taxes but did not decrease spending despite having no money. Within a year he had to reinstate taxes at very high rates just to refill his coffers. Naturally, the landowners and artisans of Forli did not like this one bit, and they conspired to oust Riaro and replace him with a member of the Cybo family. Girolamo was assassinated on April 14, 1488,  in a plot led by one of the most powerful families in Forli, the Orsis. Caterina and her children were taken prisoner.

When the fortress of Ravaldino refused to submit to the Orsis, Caterina made nice and offered to parley on their behalf. But once inside the impenetrable fortress, she turned on them, even though they held her children as hostages. It is rumoured that she even exposed herself on the walls of the fortress and yelled, “I have the instrument to make more!” when they threatened to kill her children, though this is probably more legend than fact. With the help of Ludovico il Moro, she took down the Orcis and regained control of her duchy. She became regent of Forli in the stead of her eldest son Ottaviano. She was only 25 years old. And if that doesn’t make you feel like a slacker, she also had five other children by this time.

Caterina immediately began setting to avenging the death of her husband by having all members of the Orsi family and their conspirators imprisoned. She razed their estates and gave their valuables to the poor. She oversaw all aspects of her domain’s governance herself, revising and streamlining the tax system and even overseeing the training of the militia. She befriended the neighbouring lords by offering them gifts, and secured alliances by arranging the marriages of her children.

In 1492, Pope Innocent died, and Rodrigo Borgia was made Pope Alexander VI. Alexander scared the pants off the Italian city states by allowing Charles VIII of France to claim the kingdom of Naples. Many of the Italian nobles opposed this and tried to prevent the French king’s army’s passage through Italy, but Caterina decided to remain neutral, and gave the French army free passage through Forli. King Charles took Naples easily, which did not endear anyone to the new Borgia Pope.

Conspiracy rose against Caterina once again when she married Giacomo Feo in 1488. He was the brother of the castellan of Ravaldino, and she began offering him and his family stewardship of all the important fortresses and towns that were under her power. Many worried that she would replace Ottaviano and make Feo lord of Forli instead. Feo did not endear himself to anyone either, as when his power grew, so did his cruelty. He even slapped Ottavianno, the lord of Forli, in front of everyone. No one liked him, not even Caterina’s own children, who helped the other nobles to conspire against him. Twice attempts were made on Caterina and Giacomo’s lives, but she found out the first time before it could happen, and punished the conspirators. The second time though, in 1495, she and her family were set upon on the way back from a hunt, and they managed to stab Giacomo several times. He died of his wounds. Caterina’s vengeance was swift, and brutal. She had all the wives, mistresses, and children of the conspirators slaughered, and she ignored the reasons why they wanted Giacomo dead in the first place. Unfortuantely, after this she lost all the goodwill of her people.

By 1497, she remarried again, this time to Giovanni di Medici di Popolano. They were married in secret because if it were known, the marriage could cause outright war between Florence and Venice, because Forli was the only thing standing between their armies. Giovanni was related to the Medicis, the ruling famliy of Florence, so his marriage to Caterina meant that Forli would side with Florence. However, the secret did not last long, and Caterina did indeed side with Florence when the Venetian army began their march. Giovanni died in 1498 of an illness that he picked up while in Florence organizing the city’s defense. This left the defence of Forli to Caterina alone, and she managed to hold off the Venetians by herself until they found an alternate route to Florence. This is when she gained her reputation as “The Tigress” and many songs and poems were written about her.

In 1499, Pope Alexander decided he wanted to give all of Romagna to his son Cesare. He wrote a bull invalidating the investiture of all the current lords of Romagna, including Caterina. But she was not about to give up so easily. She raised her army, stockpiled weapons, and sent her children to safety in Florence. In December 1499, Cesare began his siege of Forli with the help of the French army (the Borgias were understandably very closely allied with the French by this time). The siege went on for almost a month, until Cesare managed to breach the walls. Caterina tried to fight off the invaders with sword in hand, but she did not win the battle that day. She was forced to surrender, and she chose to surrender herself to the French instead of to Cesare Borgia, because she knew the French had a law against holding women as prisoners of war.

This gambit did not work out quite as well as she hoped, for Cesare obtained custody of her by promising to treat the Countess as a guest. She was held in the Belvedere Palace in Rome until she tried to escape. Then she was placed in a cell at the Castel Sant’Angelo. To justify her imprisonment, Pope Alexander claimed she had tried to kill him with poison in 1499 after he signed the bull revoking her title and lands. No one is sure if these accusations are true or false. In any case, she remained a prisoner until June of 1501, when the French petitioned for her release.

From there she went to Florence, where her children had been waiting. She stayed in the villas of her third husband, Giovanni. For several years she was embroiled in a legal battle with her brother-in-law, Lorenzo di Medici, over the custody of her son Giovanni. He claimed she was not a fit mother since she was imprisoned for defying the Borgias. The judge decided that being a prisoner of war was not the same thing as being a criminal, and she got Giovanni back in 1504.

When Pope Alexander died in 1503, Cesare Borgia lost all his power. Pope Julius II took the duchy of Romagna away from him, and Caterina petitioned the new Pope to get her new lands back, for he had no love for the Borgia family. But she had alienated the people of Forli so badly that they protested her return. Forli was given instead to Antonio Maria Ordelaffi.

She spent her remaining years devoted to her children, conducting experiments in alchemy. She died of pneumona on May 28th, 1509. Monday will be the 503rd anniversary of her death.  While she died quite young (she was 46), her grandson became the Duke of Florence and Grand Duke of Tuscany. Through him, she became the ancestress of the Grand Dukes of Florence, The Dukes of Modena and Reggio, and the Kings of Spain and France. She is even an ancestress to Princess Diana and her sons William and Harry. Which is what happens when you have 18 children. But she remains famous in her own right for being an open female ruler and warrior at a time when women were expected to be no more than mothers and pawns in their father’s and brother’s games of power.

The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today’s factoid:

In one 6-episode story of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, Bullwinkle finds the Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam in the town of

Frostbite Falls(on the shores of Veronica Lake, no less).

Today’s news from Thailand:

1. In light of the scandal surrounding the recording on a mobile phone from a meeting between a MP and court personnel indicating an attempt by the MP to influence a pending court decision, the Constitutional Court banned mobile phones from meetings with Court Judges. I assume however, meetings to influence pending cases are still ok.

2. A report in the BP indicates that suppression of the Red Shirts remains a higher priority for the Thai military general staff than defeat of the armed insurrection by muslim terrorists in South Thailand.

3.As a result of a strike by migrant workers, the workers gained the right to possess their own passports. It appears that until recently, employers required migrant workers to surrender their passports while employed. Often the confiscated passports when returned following the employment contained photographs of people other than the passport holder pasted over or replacing the original.

Pookie’s continuing adventures in Thailand:

GUN GIRL’S RETURN, ALMOST – AND CELINE DEION SINGS

A few day’s ago, Gun Girl called inviting me to join her for dinner at a restaurant she likes near by. She offered to pick me up at my condo at 7 PM that evening.

Following my late afternoon nap, I showered, shaved, powdered and scented myself, brushed my teeth, swirled some mouthwash, put on a new pair of pants and a just laundered shirt and waited.

At about 7:20 she called and said she had gotten into an accident with a motorcycle at a street corner close to my condo and asked me to assist her. I left and walked to the intersection of the street she mentioned and Beach Road. I did not see her and called her cell phone. She said that she was actually at the corner of the street a few blocks down from Beach Road but that she was getting things in order and no longer needed my help. She asked me to go back to the condo, promising to call when she had finished. I told her I would wait for her call at Cafe Le Mar instead.

I walked back to the restaurant and sat at the bar, ordered coke and watched a music video of Celine Deion in concert. She would often stop between songs and speak to the audience for a very long time. As she spoke, the audience would alternately, cheer, laugh or cry. I had no idea what she said since I do not understand French.

She impressed me as a remarkably ungainly woman. She moves with all the awkwardness of a 13-year-old girl.

Her songs all sounded eerily the same. The same breathy two or three notes over and over again.

After watching and listening to her for over an hour, I thought I had gone insane.

Caterina Sforza (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today’s quote:

“Fortune helps the intrepid and abandons cowards… whatever may come, I am resolved to follow the course until death.”

Caterina Sforza, Countess of someplace or another in Italy.

For those who would like to know more about what made Caterina so special, please see the attached.

The following is one episode in the remarkable life of Caterina Sforza as related by Ben Thompson in his blog, “Badass of the Week“.

One night after dinner a bunch of angry guests stabbed Caterina’s husband to death, threw him out a window, and dragged his naked corpse through the streets of his capital. Caterina barricaded herself in her chambers with her children, but was eventually captured by the same douchebags who killed her husband. These dickheads dragged her out to one of her castles, stuffed a sword in her face, and ordered her to have the garrison commander surrender.

She responded by saying she needed three hours to go inside and negotiate with the dude and that it would be all good in the hood. These morons allowed it, so of course she went inside, reneged on her deal, and immediately started organizing the city’s defenders to resist.

The dumbshit conspirators then dragged her screaming children outside the castle, threatening her by saying they would execute the children one by one if she didn’t come back down, but she flipped them the bird, hiked up her skirt, grabbed her crotch threateningly, and told them that she didn’t care what they did to her kids because she “bears the instrument to make more”.

La dama dei gelsomini by Lorenzo di Credi Portrait of Caterina Sforza. Location: Museum of Forlì in Italy. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

That’s pretty stone cold. Not only did this crazy chick basically moon the entire army of conspirators with her junk and leave her own kids to die (they lived BTW – the jailers didn’t have the balls to kill them, even after Caterina called their bluff), but her Girls Gone Wild: Ultimate Xtreme Renaissance Championship Hyper Fighting Edition antics pumped up the defenders of the castle and left the dumbass rebel leaders with the morale-crushing realization that they’d basically just let their one piece of leverage walk right into the front door of her castle. How stupid can you be?

The garrison held out for two weeks, before Caterina turned the tables, crushed the conspiracy, defeated her enemies, and rescued her children. When she finally caught the man behind the plot, she tied him up, forced him to watch as she burned down his house, and then dragged him around the town square behind her horse for a while. Once he was covered from head to toe in third-degree road rash burns, she had him publicly dismembered, piece by piece, and reportedly got quite a kick out of watching the horrified look on his face as her executioner tossed the dude’s severed body parts into the assembled crowd one by one.

Did I mention that you didn’t want to cross her?

See, http://www.badassoftheweek.com/sforza.html.

It’s time for a crisis of faith on The Borgias, as the lightning strike of last week’s episode has pushed Alexander into repentance mode. But is it legitimate, or is this one of his brief moments of morality aside from full-bore conspiracy mode? “Day Of Ashes” leads me to ask that question, and balances it with some good old-fashioned condotierri action. Last night’s review as always is up at The A.V. Club.

One of the reasons I gravitated to The Borgias as a TV show was largely that in addition to liking Jeremy Irons and Colm Feore, the Renaissance setting is one I’ve had a particular fondness for for years. I took several courses on the subject in high school and college, read many pieces of literature from then, and at one point was able to quote The Prince in appropriate context during a party. (Benefits of a classical education, as Hans Gruber would say.)

As such, I knew who Niccolo Machiavelli, Caterina Sforza and Giralomo Savonarola were before the show introduced them last year, and was very pleased at the rendition of all three. Last night’s episode “The Choice,” my review of which is now up at The A.V. Club, had all three in the same episode for the first time. If you’re a fan of the show or a Renaissance history wonk, check it out.

1. Post the rules.
2. Answer the questions.
3. Pass the questions on to eleven other bloggers by tagging and linking to them in our post.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged.

Now for the questions.

1. If you could live in a fictional world, where would that be?

Westeros!  Ha.  No.  That would be a terrible answer.  Love the books, love some of the characters, but I would not want to pack my family up and move there.  Honest answer would have to either be Valdemar, because even if I never had a Companion, I would love to see one, or the universe as portrayed in Acorna.

2. Do you prefer to read Fiction or non-fiction?

Fiction, although if the topic is interesting enough, I’m not adverse to non-fiction.  I also find myself reading a lot of nonfiction for research, which has lead to interesting topics such as virology, the Italian Renaissance, or the prehistoric world.  Sometimes I’ll read fiction and nonfiction about the same topic and love them both.  For instance, anyone interested in Caterina Sforza, I recommend The Scarlet Contessa by Jeanne Kalogridis and The Tigress of Forli by Elizabeth Lev.

3. Do you read in noisy or quiet places?

I can read anywhere, actually.  While my favorite place to read is my hammock in the sun, that’s not always possible and it’s not always quiet either.  I spend a lot of time reading at work, and the coffee shop tends to be a bit noisy depending on the time of day.

4. Do reviews influence your choice of reads?

Not usually.  I’m finding I can trust reviews less and less, as there are books that have great reviews that I find I absolutely despise.   The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo comes to mind as a book I read that I simply did not understand the hype, and I was surprised to learn that A World I Never Made received such glowing reviews on goodreads.

5. Audio books or paperbacks?

Hardback, paperback, nook.  In that order.  Never audiobooks.  I find it much more rewarding to actually read the book itself, and there’s far less likely to be distractions.

6. What was the first book you remember reading?

Bears in the Night.  If we’re talking slightly more advanced reading, The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.  The first massive book I read was White Fang, somewhere around the time of second grade because I remembered the vast feeling of accomplishment I got from reading such a lengthy book on my own initiative.

7. Favorite author?

Sarah Ash.  I know that some of you have probably never heard of her.  But I fell in love with her books years ago, made the effort to contact her, and discovered we actually had a lot in common.  She was the first person to offer me encouragement on my writing, and while she’s never actually read anything of mine, I will always keep her advice to me on the subject dear to my heart.  Favorite books and favorite authors will come and go, but she will always be my number one answer to this question because of how much she has inspired me.

Other favorites include Mercedes Lackey, Terry Goodkind, Brian Jacques, Anne McCaffrey, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

8. Classic or Modern Novels?

Mostly modern, though I will pull out classics since they have a tendency to be free on the nook.

9. Have you ever met your favorite author?

Almost, once.  When I was in London, she was unfortunately out of town at her  sister’s wedding.  Living in different countries puts a rather large damper on possible meet-ups.

10. Book groups or solitary reading?

Solitary reading.  While I enjoy discussing books with other people, I’ve gotten the vague impression that what is being read in book clubs is not my cup of tea.

11. If you could read only one book for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Good Omens.  Because if there was ever a point where they would only be one book I could read for the rest of my life, the world must be ending anyway.  This way I’m not only entertained, but I’m keeping my reading topical.

Unfortunately for the rules of the game, I’m not going to tag anyone.  Quite frankly, I’m still rather new to the site and don’t have many friends.  That being said, if you have stumbled upon this post and found anything I said interesting, please feel free to talk to me.  Seriously.  I love making new friends and I promise that I won’t bite.

My New game obsession is Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood.  I am thoroughly addicted to this game franchise, so for the past few days I have been running around Rome renovating it, recruiting assassins, and shaking guards with my hidden blade.  While doing so I come across some of Ezio’s repressed memories of Cristina Vespucci.

I said, self I remember her from Assassin’s Creed II, she was Ezio’s love interest.  The first memory of her, I started laughing to myself.  I remember reading it in Assassin’s Creed: Renaissance, a book by Oliver Brown, of this memory happening.  I was excited, yelling to myself, ‘OMG I read this’.  However I did not finish reading the book because my friend stole it from me… so I never found out what happened to Cristina… until now.

I had always been curious on who was to be the mother of Ezio’s child, considering he must have at least one for Desmond to exist.  My money was on Rosa…

You know Rosa, the thief from Venice whom Ezio saves from the guards after she tries to break into that one building. In Oliver Brown’s book, it was confirmed that they were lovers, as in the game they simply flirted.  she was cute and I hoped she would be with Ezio.  However, my dreams were crushed when Ezio went to Rome and Rosa was never mentioned again.   Back to AC:Brotherhood where I said I discovered these repressed memories of Cristina.  I hoped because I was doing theses memories, Ezio might return back to Florence to be with her, when the main plot of this game was over.  So I went to my next girl, Cristina Vespucci; she must be Ezio’s baby mother.  The second memory was sad, as Ezio with Cristina’s help, had to steal his father’s and brother’s bodies to give them a proper burial.

As I progressed to the third memory of her I simply stared open-mouthed at the screen.

Warning Next Part Contains Spoilers

Cristina tells Ezio she’s getting married.  At this point I’m like WTF, and sadly realize at this point it’s downhill from here.  Ezio goes on to save her fiance…blah blah blah, and he leaves Cristina with a kiss.  I am so mad by now I wish I could have just killed her fiance.  Cristina is MINE!  I keep going in the game and get to the fourth memory of her where you meet her in Venice during Carnival.

Ezio tricks Cristina into thinking he is her husband and kisses her.  She discovers it’s him, yells at him and tells him to never find her again.  My mind-set was to say screw it and take her right there, but Cristina leaves, and Ezio stands there alone.  At this point i’m hopping Ubisoft will be kind and Cristina’s husband will die of the plague or something, so Ezio can go back to her.  Then I get to the last memory of her… I wanted to CRY!

“WHAT THE F***!” I watched this, swearing Ubisoft every fraction of a second.  As the memory drew to a close and Cristina admitted she was always deeply in love with Ezio, I swore some more.  She dies in Ezio’s arms.  Why Ubisoft, why give us these memories to toy with us so?!  I hopped maybe Ezio could catch a break.  He only had his brothers and Father killed, he is being hunted by nearly all of Italy, he almost literally single handily has to kill the Borgia leaders!  Is it much to ask to for him to have a true love, not just Caterina Sforza doing him for her own selfish causes.

I saved my game and turned it off.  It was so sad.  Disheartened I turned the TV off.  The memories were there to toy with us, as Ubisoft is good at doing, forcing us to get 100% Sync to unlock this bull.  This however explains why Ezio is kind of Distant in this game.  He has lost everything except his mother and his sister.  Either way I was so mad and sad about this I had to come on here and rant about it.  Ezio may be a fictional character in a game, but those damn developers are sure good at tugging your heartstrings. I wanted to post this to get some comments and feedback from others who were as pissed by this as I was.  This was sooooooo sad!  Cristina is not going to have his baby(sadly), nor is Caterina(thank God) for they both pass away…so maybe there is a slight hope for Rosa.  Damn it still, I wanted Cristina!    This is my latest post in a long while, so requiescat in pace…my love… Cristina Vespucci…you were truly beautiful.

     The sequel to the hit 2007 game, Assassin’s Creed II picks up right after its predecessor left off.  Desmond Miles is freed from Abstergo Industries by secret Assassin Lucy Stillman just after discovering the messages written in blood on his bedroom walls.  Lucy takes him to an Assassin hideout, where she and other Assassins have him enter a new Animus 2.0 to learn the skills of an Assassin through the bleeding effect and discover more about the Pieces of Eden.  This time, he delves into the memories of another of his ancestors, Ezio Auditore da Firenze.  Ezio, the son of a well-to-do Florentine (who is secretly an Assassin himself), loses much of his family when one of his father’s supposed friends betrays him as a part of a political scheme.  Ezio becomes an Assassin too, with the help of his uncle Mario, to kill those responsible for his father’s betrayal.  In doing so, he discovers a Templar plot to gain ultimate power with the Pieces of Eden.  Along the way, he meets many famous historical figures, including Lorenzo de’ Medici, Niccolo Machiavelli, Caterina Sforza, and most notably, Leonardo da Vinci.

     Although the first game was very enjoyable, this game fixes essentially every single problem from the first one.  For example, there’s a much wider variety of assassination techniques, including from above, from in a haystack, hanging from a roof, and assassinating two people at once.  There’s an actual health bar so you can see how hurt you are, upgradable armor and weaponry, medicine, poison, and much more.  There’s also a greater freedom of movement, as  you can travel between such locations as Venice, Florence, Monteriggioni, Forli, and San Gimignano almost whenever you please.  Most importantly, the main character, Ezio, is a really interesting, if someone nymphomanic, person who you can really get to like.  The main character of the previous game, Altair ibn La-Ahad, was highly unsympathetic and generally cranky and overly synical.  You really feel for Ezio’s loss in this game.  Most of the other main characters are also fairly likable, particularly Leonardo da Vinci.  Just so you know, there’s a quicktime event involving hugging him, and if you miss it, you may feel like a total jerk.

     The game’s plot is highly engrossing (at least, Ezio’s plot is), and at last, you manage to get a bit of the information behind the Pieces of Eden and what’s really going on.  The locales are beautiful and highly accurate (I myself have been to Il Duomo, and the rendering of it was spot on), and the graphics are a great improvement over the last game on the whole.  Further contributing to Ezio’s superiority over Altair is the great voice acting of Roger Craig Smith, whose Italian accent is rather believable, considering the fact that he isn’t Italian.  Ezio didn’t even have an accent, when all the other characters around him had Middle Eastern accents, which was kind of awkward.  Just like the previous game, the gameplay, with the new additions, is extremely exciting and fast-paced, which is the biggest highlight of the game.  Occasionally, Ezio may decide to randomly go in a different direction than you’re telling him, which can get frustrating.  But that’s the only issue.  Sure, this may not have the best plot ever (I still think it’s quite cool), but it’s a dang fun game that takes you all across Italy.  By the end, you’ll want to kill Rodrigo Borgia almost as much as Ezio will.  I’m greatly looking forward to the final part of the Assassin’s Creed trilogy, and I hope that Ezio makes a brief appearance, so we can see what happened to him in the end (as that was one of the weakest parts of the game, a lack of a true ending for Ezio).

Story: 9.3      Gameplay: 9.6      Presentation: 9.4      Soundtrack: 9.3      Acting: 9.4      Overall: 9.5

 A dispetto di un certo femminismo che vede nell’introduzione delle cosiddette “quote rosa” la remissione di ogni pubblico male, una buona politica non è questione di genere, poiché gli idioti (ancorché utili) non hanno sesso.
E tutti hanno bisogno di un padrone presso cui accucciarsi…

 “TORNA A CASA LASSIE”
Lo sanno bene le pasionarie nere della diaspora neo-fascista, le ‘spirituali’ Alessandra Mussolini e Daniela Santanché, le ‘figliole prodighe’ smarritesi nella selva oscura, che alfine ritrovano la diritta via verso la Casa del Fascio, accolte al cospetto del Papi.
Certi pellegrinaggi, seppur brevi, ricordano gli eroi popolari del nostro passato presente, che tutto sopportano pur di tornare a casa, come Lassie: la cagna fedele, protagonista di zuccherosi filmetti che hanno funestato l’infanzia di intere generazioni.
Naturalmente, c’è un prezzo da pagare…

“Io credo che ormai ci sia l’impunità perché i processi non vengono celebrati. Io ho visto ieri la Finocchiaro che mi sembrava un’attrice di una soap opera brasiliana con questo fiore nero, che ha lanciato il fascicolo contro il muro. Mi meraviglio che non abbia lanciato il fascicolo quando in Campania noi abbiamo Antonio Bassolino che governa con avvisi di garanzia che gli piovono anni e anni, da 20 anni. Quindi questo vuol dire non avere la possibilità né per le vittime avere il processo né, per chi delinque, di andare in galera. Attualmente è così. Quindi io credo che questo sia un atto giusto (…) Quindi io credo che avere il diritto ad un processo breve sia una cosa sacrosanta. Perché non si indigna la Finocchiaro per tutti quelli che non hanno un processo e intanto stanno a governare?!?”

 Alessandra Mussolini (12-11-09)
 La video-intervista integrale la potete ascoltare qui.

C’è da chiedersi se la Ducia redenta creda davvero alle stronzate che va seminando in giro senza onta né vergogna.
In pratica, la soluzione ai processi troppo lunghi consiste nel non celebrarli affatto. Azzerare entro due anni i tempi di prescrizione, vuol dire infatti estinguere il reato a carico degli indagati che avranno la garanzia dell’impunità, nonché la fedina immacolata, e non andranno MAI “in galera”. Invece, per le vittime che hanno subito la violenza, oltre al danno si aggiungerà la beffa, dal momento che con l’annullamento del processo verrà negata loro ogni forma di giustizia legale, ma saranno comunque costretti a pagare le spese.
“Avere diritto ad un processo breve è una cosa sacrosanta”. Ma se i tempi si allungano, eliminare il processo è meglio. Anzi! “È un atto giusto”.
Siccome una cazzata chiama l’altra, la Ducia tuona giustamente contro Antonio Bassolino, il pluri-avvisato governatore campano, ma trova assai normale sostenere come candidato alternativo Nicola Cosentino contro il quale, oltre agli “avvisi di garanzia” legati alla sciagurata gestione rifiuti, è stato chiesto l’arresto per associazione camorrista. Figuriamoci poi se desta imbarazzo il fatto che Cosentino, in qualità di sottosegretario all’Economia, possa indirizzare i fondi ministeriali per gli appalti pubblici in Campania.
Dulcis in fundo, la Mussolini sì che si indigna “per tutti quelli che non hanno un processo e intanto stanno a governare”. Dice ‘Berlusconi’, ma pensa ‘Bassolino’.     

 “COME TI SISTEMO L’ISLAMICO”
La paura porta voti. In tempi di crociata, la costruzione di uno spirito identitario è imprescindibile dalla individuazione del Nemico: il suo rogo in effige rassicura e rafforza il senso di ‘comunità militante’.

  Ingredienti per l’uso:
1) Prendete un musulmano o anche più. Soprattutto, fate in modo che sia presente almeno uno di quelli barbuti, magari con posizioni di matrice fondamentalista. Meglio ancora se non parla bene l’italiano.
2) Invitateli in una di quelle trasmissioni d’intrattenimento, dove tra i culi e le tette delle vallette si trova anche un angolino per l’approfondimento. Preparate con cura la trappola.
3) Assicuratevi che al “dibattito” partecipi indisturbato qualche professionista della provocazione… Ce ne sono tanti; Sgarbi; Mussolini; Santanché; leghisti di contorno come Bricolo e Salvini.

Adesso, non vi resta che scegliere il livello di cottura:

Livello Estremo. L’ospite è irritante, intrinsecamente antipatico, irriducibilmente insopportabile. In tal caso, il pestaggio virtuale non basta. Al saraceno bisogna impartire una lezione vera, in nome della catarsi collettiva del popolo fattosi Nazione.
Ne sa qualcosa Adel Smith. È l’11 gennaio 2003 e l’indisponente “presidente dell’Unione Musulmani d’Italia” partecipa ad una trasmissione della padana TeleNuovo, con sorpresa finale. Dietro le quinte c’è una trentina di squadristi di Forza Nuova, ansiosi di dare il loro contributo alla discussione. Entrano in studio; pestano Smith ed il suo collaboratore; indisturbati se ne vanno.
Mission accomplished! La Cristianità è salva.
 (I dettagli potete leggerli qui)

Livello Consigliato. L’ospite è cortese e bene educato. Risponde a requisiti politically correct, come si conviene ad un pubblico domenicale di famiglie… C’è un problema però! E qualora facesse bella figura, risultando persino convincente?!?
8 Novembre. La trasmissione è “Domenica Cinque”; conduce Barbara D’Urso e l’invitato di punta è Ali Abu Shwaima, imam di Segrate, al quale si contrappone la raffinata Daniela Santanché.
Tra gli altri, ci sarebbe pure la signora Isabella Cazzoli (Unione Atei e Agnostici Razionalisti), ma per lei è già pronto un Vittorio Sgarbi sbavante in solito eccesso di salivazione.
Nonostante tutto, esiste il rischio (remotissimo) che possa uscire fuori un qualche ragionamento di senso compiuto. Per questo la Santanché circoscrive subito il pericolo:

“Maometto aveva nove mogli, l’ultima era una bambina di nove anni. Maometto era un poligamo e un pedofilo!
(…) In Arabia Saudita danno le bambine agli sceicchi… Chi sposa una bambina di 9 anni nella mia cultura è un pedofilo e Maometto è un pe-do-fi-lo!”

Si potrebbe obiettare che la “poligamia” è soltanto un aspetto nell’ambito delle numerosissime prescrizioni, con le quali il Corano disciplina il diritto matrimoniale e di famiglia.
Si potrebbe aggiungere che tale opzione (non certo un obbligo) è prevista nel III° versetto della IV Sura coranica. È un verso particolarmente contorto che parla dell’assistenza agli orfani ed alle vedove, salvaguardando i diritti e gli assetti ereditari di entrambe.
“E se temete di essere ingiusti nei confronti degli orfani, sposate allora due o tre o quattro tra le donne che vi piacciono; ma se temete di essere ingiusti, allora sia una sola o le ancelle che le vostre destre possiedono, ciò è più atto ad evitare di essere ingiusti.”
L’interpretazione più semplice per la società beduina dell’Higiaz (parliamo del VII° sec. d.C.) consisteva nel contrarre più matrimoni regolari, in modo da assicurare alla nuova sposa una serie di diritti riconosciuti. Diritti rigorosamente specificati e riportati nei versetti successivi.
Storicamente, l’introduzione ufficiale della poligamia avviene in seguito alla Battaglia di Uhud (marzo del 625) in virtù del gran numero di vedove e per rinsaldare, tramite il matrimonio, una serie di alleanza tra clan familiari (in Oriente, come nell’Occidente cristiano).
Ne sa qualcosa lo stesso profeta Muhammad che sposa Aisha, la famosa bimba di 9 anni, sotto le pressioni del padre di lei, Abu Bakr, uno degli alleati più fedeli ed importanti.
Sull’effettiva consumazione delle nozze, dalla lettura del Corano, non si ricavano notizie certe. Per concludere, la poligamia serviva soprattutto per distinguere le donne maritate dalle concubine, nonché dalle cortigiane…
Ma le nostre sono considerazioni inutili. Tempo e fatica sprecata nell’Italietta integralista che gioca alle guerre di religione.
Tant’è che “Maometto è pedofilo! E in Arabia danno le bambine agli sceicchi!”. Il che è un po’ come dire che i preti cattolici sodomizzano i chierichetti in parrocchia, ma questo la Santanché crucesignata si guarda bene dal gridarlo.
Comunque, nella cristianissima Europa certi matrimoni non sono mai avvenuti. Infatti, tanto per dire, basta guardare alla civilissima Italia del Rinascimento…
Nell’anno del Signore 1473, la nobile Caterina Sforza (giusto 10 anni) sposa in prime nozze Girolamo Riario (che di anni ne ha 28), il quale pretenderà di esercitare da subito, e in più occasioni, i suoi ‘diritti coniugali’. Dall’arabico fattaccio è trascorso giusto un millennio. Girolamo è nipote del papa, Sisto IV, che evidentemente non ha nulla da eccepire. In più, nomina cardinale un altro suo nipote sedicenne. Meglio di Sisto faranno in parecchi… Il suo successore, Innocenzio VIII, non ha nipoti da sistemare, ma sette figli. In compenso è un amante fedele. Anche papa Alessandro VI (1492-1503) ha 7 figli ma da 3 donne diverse, e un’altra amante ufficiale, in più si sospetta un relazione incestuosa (del papa!) con un delle sue figliuole.
In fondo che male c’è? Come riporta la Bibbia, il saggio Loth non faceva forse le stesse cose con le proprie figlie.
Superiorità delle Radici Cristiane.

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Louise Michel, “The Red Virgin” (1830-1905): Defending her part in the burning of Paris: “I wanted to oppose the Versailles invaders with a barrier of flames…Since it appears that every heart that beats for freedom has no right to anything but a slug of lead, I demand my share. If you let me live, I shall never cease to cry for vengeance. If you are not cowards, kill me.”


Elizabeth I (1533-1603): “Though I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, I have the heart and stomach of a king, yea and a king of England too.”

Col. Martha McSally (1966-): “We are the pointing end of the spear. I understand the marching orders, and we will be prepared to deploy…with an aggressive attitude that we will win. I hope that I am a role model to both men and women, because we are a fighting force and should not be concerned with the differences between us.”

Haydee Santamaria (1922-1980): During interrogation, captors produced an eye and claimed it was her brother’s, to which Santamaria replied: “If you tore out his eye and he did not speak, neither will I.” (And she didn’t.)

Caterina Sforza (1462-1509): Upon learning that her husband was murdered, and her children held as hostages, she yelled to her enemies: “What do you think, you fools, that I don’t have the stuff to make more?” and then raised her skirts to reveal either a pregnant belly or her genitals, depending on the historian doing the telling.

Irena Sendlerowa (1910-2008): Honored by the Polish Parliament in 2007 for helping to rescue 2,500 children during the Holocaust, Sendlerowa explained: “I was brought up to believe that a person must be rescued when drowning, regardless of religion or nationality.”