I hope you’ve all been well and up to lots of fun and exciting things!

I haven’t posted in what feels like (and must be forever). I’ve become quite bad at blogging and used to be much more regular, so I do apologise! I could blame working 9-6 at my current internship but that would be  a complete lie. It seems I’ve hit a writers block and a mental block. I currently feel a bit like a deer in the headlights, except those headlights are my bank account, the end of my internship in 22 days and my over-thinking head.

*Warning: I have not planned this blog post, it is just a stream of thoughts so there could be a rant, a lot of grumbling or whatever else ahead. Therefore, if you aren’t interested, run..NOW!*

You see, I’m currently in-between feeling like the luckiest girl in the world (I’m interning at Cosmopolitan Magazine Middle East, yes, really!) and a bit of a – well, a person who’s not doing very well.

I’ve learnt so much from internship one (Ahlan! Magazine) where I worked on a new travel supplement called ‘Jet Set’ and compiled news, a directory, pictures, a feature (to be published in the next issue) and I was even featured on the contributors page (see below). The next two weeks, I worked on the Ahlan! Live website, you may have seen my previous post with some of the articles I had written for the website. I loved the entire experience, it felt great to finally be writing and working again! I also got the opportunity to interview the famous DJ, DJ Tiesto, in a last-minute interview! It was absolutely terrifying but amazing and gave me the chance to experience things I probably would’ve only been able to do in an actual journalism job. Everyone who knows me, knows that I love celeb-spotting and would never turn down the chance to interview one, so this was a dream come true for me. I also went to see him in concert that evening because my lovely boyfriend somehow won me VIP tickets to his concert from London, yep, I’m definitely lucky to have him!

It’s not very clear but that’s my name in a real magazine!

Now, I’m currently at Cosmopolitan Magazine and loving every minute of it but unfortunately, there seems to be a large and rather nasty grey cloud over my head. I have a feeling I’ve recently sussed out why (and no, Dubai people, it’s not the recent freak weather we’ve been experiencing). I believe it’s due to me being absolutely terrified of being back home again at the end of the month not working, sending umpteen job applications, playing the waiting game, getting more rejections and being left alone with my – often negative – thoughts.

I love working, I have since I was a little girl who jumped at the opportunity to go and help out at my dad’s family business every weekend and school holiday. Ten years later, I’m still that same girl. I wanted to speed through school and university so I could finish and get  a job. I’d just like to add that I’m sorry that this is all I seem to go on about but this blog is a place for me to vent and say exactly what I’m thinking, so I am.

If money wasn’t, and it really isn’t currently, an issue, I’d happily intern with Cosmopolitan for as long as they’d have me or as long as I needed to until they would maybe one day offer me a job. However, I keep hearing tales from people who have been in my position (a graduate or jobless journalist) who say that sometimes, no matter how long you work for a publication, or how hard you work for it, they simply can’t give you a job due to budgets or a lack of positions. The thing is, I’m enjoying the internship so much, along with the team of people I’m working with.  I can honestly say I’ve never worked for nicer people, (some of whom are as animal mad as me!) and I really wouldn’t ever want to leave (I’ve considered gluing myself to the chair).

However, there are a number of things worrying me:

1. They won’t want me to stay on after I finish this month.
2. There won’t ever be a job opportunity there. I’m worried that a magazine like Cosmo would never hire me as a member of their team. I think I am capable of working there but sometimes, it is hard to show that to people unless you are actually hired. However, I may be wrong and do hope they are impressed with the work I’ve produced and done for them so far!
3. Money, money and money. I’m not in a situation where I’m living off pot noodles and mouldy bread. In fact, I’m far from it. My parents are determined for me to keep going with whatever I love and are really proud of me for getting these internships and want me to pursue journalism. They don’t mind me living continuing to live off them and I appreciate it more than anything in the world. However, I feel terrible about myself for it. This leads me onto my next worry.
4. I’m 21 and an intern. I feel like I’ve failed in some way because most people my age seem to have jobs or are even in their dream jobs/careers right now and I’m still earning 0 and can’t fend for myself. I feel like I should be earning money by now and that internships should’ve ended for me while I was at uni. However, I’m incredible grateful for the experience, and for a magazine like Cosmopolitan, I’d happily intern for as long as they’d have me. Everyone says it’s completely normal to intern at this age, so it’s likely that I’m just worrying too much and over thinking everything.
5. The point I mentioned at the beginning, being back home, jobless and having to go through sending tonnes of applications daily and waiting for any response, even if it’s a no. At least then I’ll know someone looked at my job application! I’m a workaholic, I’m happiest when I’m at work or out. Therefore, going back to having little or no routine at home and getting more and more frustrated with my situation!
6. When I’ll see my boyfriend next! It was his 25th birthday yesterday and obviously, I wasn’t there. Luckily, he is one of the most understanding people I’ve met in my life and is more worried about me finding myself a job in Dubai and enjoying my Cosmo internship than being in the UK for his birthday. Of course, I feel ridiculously guilty and am constantly beating myself up about it but unfortunately, I definitely didn’t have enough money to fly back home for a week or two and didn’t want to miss my internship. However,it is extremely tough being so far from someone who isn’t only your boyfriend (cheese alert!) but your best friend. He’s been there for me at my highest and lowest points and although there is Skype, whatsapp etc. it just isn’t the same. It makes me really appreciate and miss the little things I took for granted when I was living in the UK! So, just a little reminder to everyone to always appreciate the little things and any time with people you love!

I know I have done a lot of complaining and ranting and feeling sorry for myself in this post and I do apologise because I am extremely grateful to have an amazingly supportive family, a lovely boyfriend and an internship I look forward to going to EVERY day (I think you know a job’s a winner if you’re actually excited to go in every day!) but I think I’m just feeling a little lost and anxious. I just thought I’d tell you all the actual reason why I have been putting off posting (I almost stopped writing this, too), so I do hope you understand! I’m hoping everything works out for the best soon but I needed to get this off my chest regardless and where better to do it than on my own blog, eh!

I’ll end on a more positive note and show you a peek of my name in JetSet magazine, along with a few other snaps! Keep checking my Instagram and I’ll also be scanning the full pages of the magazine asap, so do check back on here too! Please let me know what you’ve been up to lately, I always love reading about it all! I’ve also managed to somehow have over 3,000 views on my blog so thank you to each and every person who’s read it and supported it along the way. I’ll try and post as often as I used to but I can’t promise anything!

I finally got nail extensions done! Decided to go for a change and get some colour and sparkle, rather than plain old French Manicure!

My friends and I at the launch of the Cavalli club’s new ladies night, Girls in The City! Thanks to Cosmo magazine for letting us go!

SHOTS IN HEELS!!!

Thanks for reading!

Surena x

Shirt, skirt and pendant

Skater skirt- Topshop, £16

Shirt- Primark, £9

Owl Pendant- Accessorize, £12

Owl Pendant (as above)

Nails- Essie in ‘Mint Candy Apple’

Belt (:

Belt- Primark, £4

Watch- Michael Kors

Skirt- Topshop (as above)

Ballet Flats- Asda, £8

As I hope you can see from the photos, I went for a turquoise green blouse I saw from Primark, teamed it with my grey skater skirt a pair of black tights and some black ballet pumps. I think this was great for both a casual and a dressed up look,  and although I paired it with some flats, a pair of pretty black or teal/turquoise heels would look great too

Me (:

Although you can’t see my makeup very very in this photo (it was taken on my laptop, not my camera) I thought I’d show you the makeup I used.

Makeup I used:

Rimmel ‘Wake Me Up’ Foundation in ‘ivory’

The Naked Palette, Urban Decay- Naked and Smog

Maybeline Expression Kohl Eyeliner Pencil in ‘black’

Maybeline ‘The Falsies Waterproof Express’ Mascarara in ‘Black’

Mac Mineralise Blush in ‘Dainty’

Rimmel, Kate Moss lipstick in Number 05

And finally, my favourite perfume IN THE WORLD… Roberto Cavalli (I don’t think it has a particular name…)

No, non sono nel cuor di Paris ma oggi mi sono svegliata con questa voglia e vorrei tanto fosse così  

E voi in questo soleggiato Lunedì Dell’ Angelo dove andrete?

Bye bye fashion girls

this is by far my favorite dress, but it has to be about 20 degrees Celsius or more outside before I wear it …

It is from the S/S 2012 collection and the pictures are from http://www.Luisaviaroma.com

Happy Easter ♥

Joyeuses Paques ♥

Frohe Ostern ♥

Feliz Pascua ♥

Boa Pascoa ♥

Kalo Paska ♥

Zalig Paasfees ♥ 

Schastilvoi Paschi ♥

Srecan Uskrs ♥

Sretan Uskrs ♥

Giad Pàsk ♥

A fraylekhn Pesah ♥

Fukkatsusai Omedetou ♥

Fu huo jie kuai le ♥

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So again I welcome you & look forward to bringing you the best thing a Rock’n'roller like myself with a Vancouver based indie band can possibly bring you. Drama… a CAUSE4DRAMA

Lets get personal friends,,

Rocky Jr.

visit our website : CAUSE4DRAMA.com

Anywho, here are my wishes- let me know what your wishes are too (think of this as an online fashion wishing well…of sorts)

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This is just one of the many reasons! She is an amazing model!

Love

-Clare

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Bye Bye fashion girls!

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