ceiling cat? r u up there?

sry. hez on vacashun.

Picture by: scott Caption by: The-Dude345 via Our LOL Builder

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Never pick a fight with ceiling cat

basement cat lerned teh hard wai.

Picture by: Ldac Caption by: Hawkfeather via Our LOL Builder

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Well, its Friday, I’ve just about survived the cold, swine flu, or whatever the hell it was that was trying to kill me for the past 10 days or so, and so, I’m back to my old tricks, and its time for some good old smut and opinions here on the Thinkings Shop!

How about Carrie Prejean, eh? You shoot your mouth off about good old ungay family values and get pitched from a nice, family oriented body-rating contest, sue the jerks and next thing you know your home videos of you skronking yourself show up and you have to abandon the suit. And then you are off the bill of some Religiously Right function in New Jersey.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Carrie Prejean!
Of course, abandoning her suits, dresses and most other items of attire sort of comes naturally to her, doesn’t it?

Carrie modelling halloween costumes.

Carrie. At least mostly clothed. No telling where her hands are, though.

From TMZ.com

Now, I wonder what Bill and George’s excellent adventure was. Did it involve Ms. Prejean? Was there any Whippanying going on? Wait a while, the tapes are likely to surface soon enough!

Anyhoo, it seems that Prejean was suing the Miss California USA Pageant that dumped her for mor than a million bucks after he ant-gay marriage remarks, but then a tape magically appeared of Prejean enjoying her own company. TMZ reports that the movie is pretty racy, but the buggers haven’t posted it so you will have to use your imagination (presumably she was, too).

The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly. We know that, because TMZ obtained the video months ago but decided not to post it because it was so racy. Let’s just say, Carrie has a promising solo career.

We’re told it took about 15 seconds for Carrie to jettison her demand and essentially walk away with nothing.

Oh well. Shit happens.

But really, how the hell did the pageant’s lawyers get the darn tape? And why can’t I have a copy? How many did Prejean distribute? Was it an ex-boyfriend out for revenge, and decided to give the tape to the lawyers? If so, will he be selling it to the highest bidders? Inquiring perverts want to know!

From Zaius Nation blog.

Another report has it that Prejean denied that it was her on the tape until the lawyer zoomed in on her face (no report on what was zooming in on before).

Now, Prejean was supposed to appear (in clothes, presumably) at an anti-Gay Defenders of the Family function in Whippany N. J. She is no longer appearing, clothed or otherwise. No word on who dumped who.

Well, there is a biblical way of understanding Prejean’s undoing and her various doings…

“Why do you strain at the gay in your neighbour’s bed and ignore the unreimbursed boobjob,  dildo, and camera, in your own!”

Carrie, reading the operating manual.

~~~~~~~

In related news: It would seem that it’s a tough world, that of the beauty queen. This according to the Huffington Post via Jim West, who has probably been beat up by many women. H.P. reports how Miss England, Rachel Christie, recently got into a brawl in a bar with another pageant winner, Miss Manchester, Sara Beverley Jones. Christie lost her crown and has withdrawn from another pageant. No word on who won the fight, or if Jones is now Miss England.

Photo from UK Today News

~~~~~

In related news: Researchers at Duke University in North Carolina are undertaking a study on sex toys. Again, I found out about this from Jim West, the purient little weirdo that he is… The main story comes from the paper, the News Observer.

For much of October, researchers recruited female Duke students to take part in a “sexually explicit” study on Tupperware-style parties in which sex toys, not kitchenware, are the draw.

The ads, which were posted around campus and on a research study Web site, sought female students at least 18 years old to “view sex toys and engage in sexually explicit conversation with other female Duke students.”

Needless to say, this has got some folks a little hot under the clerical collar. Father Joe Vetter is particularly steamy.

“I’m concerned about promiscuity also,” Vetter said. “And to be honest, I don’t have the solution. … My concern is these students are in this developmental phase, and I don’t think it’s a good developmental practice to just tell somebody to just sit around and masturbate. I don’t think that promotes relationships.”

Vetter hopes to take up the topic on Sunday with students. He wrote for the Sunday bulletin: “Can We Talk About Sex in Church?”

Well, if people starting having sex in church they would probably be asked to leave. You can’t please some people!

Well, talking about sex in church sounds like fun, doesn’t it? And given the number of Catholic clergy that do more than talk about sex, in church or other places, one wonders what the hell Vetter hopes to accomplish other than the get the thrill of talking about forbidden fruit in church. The Catholic church is chockfull of clerical prejeaners, some with cameras and some not. Given their enforced celibacy, the coverups of sex scandals, anti-safe sex policies and their obsessiveness with other people’s bedroom, the virginity of Mary, Jesus and who knows who else, why the hell should anyone listen to what Vetter has to say about anything. Let him stew in his own “Covenant Spice” juices.

Technorati Tags: Prejean, Defenders+of+the+Family, family+values, homophobia, masturbation, religious+right, TMZ, beauty+pageant, ceiling+cat, Jesus, Rachel+Christie, Sara+Beverley+Jones, Duke+University, sex+toys, Joe+Vetter, sex, catholic+chruch

Dear Ceiling Cat

Shortly before lunch, my mother rang me to say that she had removed a tick from my geriatric cat, Mr Bean, this morning. She rang the vet who advised to bring him in anyway due to his age (14-15 years old) and rapidly developing arthritis issues. Oh and he has a bit of dementia too. He’s old! The vet found another, smaller tick on him. No wonder Mr Bean could barely move.

I beseech you to take care of him at the vets, because he really hates being out of his familiar surroundings. He’s a nervous cat, due to being hit by a car as a youngster and forever walking with a hind left leg that doesn’t bend when he sits. He’s been with me for 12-13 years and not once hated me when I’d returned home for the uni break after so long apart. He’d remember me and come walking towards me in greeting, meowing and wanting to be stroked, every single time, despite not seeing me for months on end.

He’s slept on the bottom of my bed during the many winters we’ve shared, keeping my toes warm while I allowed him to sleep between the two blankets, although as he progressed into his senior years, I’d wake up to find him wedged snugly beside my body or in the nook of my arm, his head resting on my shoulder. I normally dislike animals sleeping so close to the face but how could I get annoyed at waking up to a gorgeous, whiskered, sleeping face?

It did make turning over in bed a bit awkward at times, though.

He’s always been there for a cuddle when I was sad. He always knew when I needed a cuddle and would come over and jump on my lap. He’d make me giggle with his antics and silly five minutes. He was especially funny when he was younger and more agile, leaping and somersaulting in the air every time I moved the garden hose a little when he was curiously sniffing at it.

He was exasperating when I’d find his dirty paw prints in the bath, where he’d gone to drink water despite a full bowl of fresh water in the laundry for him. As he got older and more senile, he was gross when he’d shit or piss in the house and not in his kitty litter box. And even worse when he did take a dump in his box, but whether the box was too small or he was getting dopey and misjudging, his aim was a bit off and he’d shit on the floor just beside the box.

His meowing in the past year or so is getting croakier and croakier and is quite funny to hear – except when he meows non-stop and doesn’t know why. He’s a bit confused in his old age. He doesn’t want a stroke or a cuddle, doesn’t want food or milk or water. Why is he meowing all the time? No reason.

The vet said he’ll have some confused days, especially when he first wakes up from a nap. I can see that. He’ll be in a deep sleep and when he wakes up, he acts confused, walking this way, then that way, then looking at me and meowing, as if to ask, “Where am I?”

It makes me so sad.

But animal or human, that’s ageing.

Ceiling Cat, I ask you to help him recover and for the anti-venom injection to be effective so that I may go over to my parents’ house and see him again. It’s been a month or so since I last saw him. I just want to tuck him into my hoodie and go and sit on the beach just down the road one evening, the two of us watching the surf as the sun sets. I love his soft, warm body against me and the feel of his content purring vibrating on my chest.

Amen.

The Egyptians were the first people to “domesticate” cats. Perhaps taking their cue from their pets, they very early venerated cats as divine. Cats were, however, working animals that controlled vermin and poisonous creatures that violated the principle of stability that the Egyptians so valued. From the earliest records of the Old Kingdom we find the goddess Mafdet portrayed as a cat. Her name translates to “swift runner” and she was protector of Pharaoh, and thus of all Egypt. She was also associated with justice, a role reprised by Puss-in-Boots in Shrek 2. The hearts of evildoers were ripped out by Mafdet and brought, like a dead bird or mouse, to the Pharaoh.

Mafdet? (Don't give your kitty knives!)

Mafdet’s fame declined with the rise of Bast, or Bastet. Bast (“devourer”) was also an early goddess, associated with the sun, and like Mafdet, she was a fierce protector. Her cult was centered in Bubastis, a city named for her. The guardian of Lower Egypt, she kept the kingdom safe from cobras, scorpions, and presumably hair-balls. Unlike the gentle kitties of today, she was also represented as a lion, a goddess of war.

Bast, all grown up

Bast’s fortunes faded with the rise of Sekhmet, the warrior goddess of Upper Egypt. With a name translating to “powerful,” Sekhmet was yet a third feline protector. She was also a lion-shaped goddess whose breath created the desert. (I have worked for human beings who could justifiably make that same claim.) Like Bast, she wore the sun on her head and became Egypt’s version of the violent goddess. Ancient peoples all feared the raging goddess, no matter what name or shape she took. Perhaps they always expected bad behavior from men, so when female deities got in on the act it was all the more powerful.

Sekmet with the breath that sank a thousand ships

Where does evolution go from there? Is it merely coincidence that the Ashera Cat is part African Serval (as was perhaps the original Mafdet) and that it is being billed as the royal cat? I think not! Cats have a long pedigree with the divine, and from what I’ve been reading, Ceiling Cat has a very wide following. Evolution of the Egyptian cat, it seems, takes us from the Old Kingdom right up to Lolcats.

So my humans are in the process of remodeling their kitchen.

Me in the Ceiling!

I discovered a nice sized hole in the ceiling above one of the cabinets.

hahhaha

So I did what every cat would do, I investigated!!!! I only discovered a few pipes and a bunch of dust and tiles, not much up there.

Back down

Meow!

Salem Spookypants

celin cat busy, i fillz in and watch yu for a while

i noe u haz bin sinning again.

Picture by: Samantha Graves Caption by: Feel-Good via Our LOL Builder

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so the much anticipated Nintendo DS game Scribblenauts has finally released. this game has won numerous awards pertaining to best game of E3 etc. if you don’t know what Scribblenauts is, it’s a game where you solve platform based puzzles by writing literally ANYTHING you can think of. you can read more about the game in an old post i wrote HERE.

the full game was leaked several days before it’s official release. the leet hax0rz have also released a full list of every possible word the game recognizes. there are over 22,000 words! CRAZY!

i personally feel that the most fun part of the game is trying to stump it. also seeing how different objects interact with each other. i also feel that the game should have some type of verses mode. so you can have a turn based war type game with friends. basically using anything you can think of to fight. would be SO fun haha.

the devs of the game seem to have snuck in some fun little internet memes into the list of dictionary words. one’s i’ve seen so far include:

• Long Cat
• Tacgnol
• Ceiling Cat
• Keyboard Cat
• All Your Base Are Belong To Us
• I See What You Did There
• I Can Has Cheezburger
• ORly
• YaRly
• Rick Roll
• Anonymous

i’m sure there are many others i haven’t discovered yet as well. if you own a DS, definitely try out this game. it gets the Sick Damage approval. a link to the full list of words can be found below:

FULL LIST OF SCRIBBLENAUT WORDS

oh yeah, and watch out for “Edy”. he’s a giant T-Rex with a headband that auto-kills anything in his path. too cool.

Dis b a link tu a Dew It Yerself Ceiling Cat It iz awlso listed over dhere on deh rite under CHEEZY STUFF in case u wanting tu find it agin later.

Oh Hai!

This has got to be the absurd lawsuit of all absurd lawsuits. Regardless of whether you believe in God or not, I think we would all agree that you cannot sue him.  I mean, where would you serve him?  That didn’t stop Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers in 2007.  Senator Chambers’ lawsuit seeks to enjoin God from causing “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”  I can’t believe this man found a lawyer willing to take such a case.  There are so many reasons not to.  The question of jurisdiction alone is enormous.   I guess it would generate many, many billable hours.  Here is some of the story from msnbc.com.

Can You Sue God?

Nebraska state senator sues God

Injunction sought against Him for allegedly causing deaths, making

threats

LINCOLN, Neb. – The defendant in a state senator’s lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He’s everywhere.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers sued God last week. Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he’s trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.

Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terrorist threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused “fearsome floods … horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes.”

He’s seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.

On July 28, 2008 State Senator Chambers, appeared before Douglas County District Judge Marlon Polk in a scheduling hearing against God.  In response to the question of serving notice to God, Chambers requested that the court acknowledge the presence of God in the courtroom so he wouldn’t be required to “serve notice” of the trial.  The court had previously told Chambers the lawsuit would be thrown out if he was unable to serve notice to his Creator.
Chambers responded by arguing he attempted to contact God on multiple occasions and he should not be required to verify his existence when the U.S. government acknowledges him by printing “In God We Trust” on its currency.

How Do You Serve Notice on God?

A judge finally did throw out the case, saying the Almighty wasn’t properly served due to his unlisted home address. Chambers responded to the news by saying “the court itself acknowledges the existence of God. A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God’s omniscience. Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.” On November 5, 2008, Chambers filed an appeal to the Nebraska Supreme Court. On February 25, 2008, the Nebraska Court of Appeals dismissed the appeal.

It amazes me that this case clogged the court system from April 2007 through February 2008.  This case is not unprecedent, however, in 1971 a man tried to sue Satan and his staff.  In the case of Mayo v. Satan and his staff, the plaintiff Gerald Mayo tried to sue Satan for causing him misery.  The court struggled with the jurisdictional issues and then dismissed the case on a technicality.   Way to side step the issue.  I just love this stuff.

If You Can Sue God, Can You Sue Satan?

Do You Really Dare Sue Satan?

I wonder who would win in the ultimate lawsuit between God and Satan.

The Ultimate in Lawsuits

Thank You For Your Consideration,

The Graham Ten

by Hydro033

Although I haven’t done a lot of game previews, this is one game I needed to post about. It’s called Scribblenauts and it’s for the Nintendo DS. It is being developed by 5th Cell, the company who brought you Drawn to Life & Lock’s Quest. While 5th Cell’s previous titles were innovative, Scribblenauts is pushing the limits of gaming innovation. In the game, players control Maxwell, who harnesses the power of “Starites” to spawn anything into his world. So, basically, you can create any object you want to help you in the game. You write out a word and ‘poof,’ it appears.

Now, you’re probably being skeptical. How many words can it possibly recognize? Well, prepare to be amazed, because people with hands-on experience claim the game has no limits. IGN recently tested out the title. They wrote in “pirate” and “ninja.” The two appeared and engaged in combat. The ninja won. They typed in “portal” which made a small ring, but then without warning a demon emerged from it. The demon started wreaking havoc on anyone nearby, but no fear, just type in “sword” to kill it. Even “God” and “death” brought forth an old man figure and the Grim Reaper. Disturbingly, death killed God.

The game even pays respects to Internet jokes. It includes things such as the “keyboard cat” and “ceiling cat.” The game has tons of hidden internet memes. Even the word “black hole” brought forth a black hole that absorbed everything and ended the level in total failure. Typing in atom bomb yields similar results. The game seems to have no limits and appears to be tons of fun to just sit around and try to find things it doesn’t recognize. Profanity and vulgar terms have been left out since this game is intended for all ages.

Besides the basic premise, you can create custom levels and share them over Nintendo’s Wi-Fi connection. The game will feature 10,000 objects (many of which use multiple words to spawn). 5th Cell hired five individuals to research words for six months to attain the amount of depth they were aiming for. They went through many encyclopedias, dictionaries and even Wikipedia. Check out Joystiq’s 10 word test here. I’ll be sure to keep you updated on the title until its release later this year. Games like this deserve our money, it’s sad when people are just unaware of amazing games like Scribblenauts, so please support the title.

My all-time most popular post surprisingly isn’t the ABC Satan Face-off Debate notes (but that comes in second).  By far, it’s a little story I told using pictures from the insanely popular ICanHasCheezburger blog.  You can read my “Saga of Ceiling Cat” here.

I’ve been thinking about trying it again, since the first time around, it was such a big hit.  And, I admit, I love that blog.  I guess I have a thing for cute kittens with grammar problems.  But there’s a very familiar story woven into the site, about Ceiling Cat, Basement Cat, and Happy Cat.  You can find the main characters in The Lolcat Bible, which is, believe it or not, a translation of the Bible into lolspeak (kitten language, of course).

This highly apocryphal story is an adaptation of Ceiling Cat lore, using pictures from the ICanHasCheezburger blog.  We’ll just say that this story has some strong similarities with the biblical book of Job, which you can also read about here in the Lolcat Bible, or even better, the ESV Bible.

I call this story “Basement Cat’s Humiliation”

Basement Cat wuz gettin lil 2 overconfident. He wuz 2 huge 4 his litterbox.

But hoo wud put teh powerful Basement Cat in his place?

Teh basement iz scary place for kittehs…

Lotz dat waz scaredy cats…

So Ceiling Cat decided 2 teach Basement Cat lesson.

Basement Cat has serious problem.  He not so scary nomore.

In fact, teh kittehs all wondered if he switchd sidez.

Ceiling Cat gots teh last laugh.

Teh moral ov teh story:  Don’t mess wif Ceiling Cat.

And don’t getz too big for your litterbox.

Not every legend at Monomythic.com need be millennia old, here’s one that’s been around for less than a decade.

Yes, LOLcat, the bane of internet intellectuals and boon of every tween to discover e-mail forwarding, but what does this oft-derided web meme have to do with the origins of myth?

Simple: it is mythmaking in action.

Although not a real culture per se, the LOLcat phenomena grows in much the same way a real society does. It has converts and natives (those who helped initiate the legend), it has a language, distinct iconography, traditional mores and, most importantly, religion.

Oh, there he is!

In the non-existent world of LOLcat, all good things are gifts of Ceiling Cat, who watches on the deeds of those below, and all sinful temptation comes from Basement Cat, whose reflective eyes call out for souls in the dark.

And then there was dark.

Of course, unlike the partially fan-made religion of the Jedi and the officially licensed faiths of roleplaying games, the religion of LOLcat formed organically. Amateur (and professional) Photoshop artists built off the work of others, referencing what was popular and dropping more forgettable contributions. It is oral tradition in the digital age.

This is a very condensed version of what led to the formation of modern day Christianity (though obviously with much less seriousness). In the early years many groups branched off from the initial faith, but as Gnosticism and Arianism fell by the wayside, an orthodox belief system was established.

And so too has it been with Ceiling Cat, initially a joke meant to scandalize personal indiscretions. The heavenly cat developed an adversary, an only son and even alternative religions and non-believers.

Don't tell him about the Babel fish.

Bringing this spontaneous faux religion full-circle, the faithful are now working to incorporate real-world dogma.

From the book of Leviticus (Lekittehcus?) 15:1-9

1 So Ceiling Cat sez to Mozuz an Aron: 2 “Tell ol teh dOOdz if ur bedz schtiky, taht iz teh suxxOr!!!11 3 Me no kare if u hav teh blubalz, u suxOrz 4 Dont go dozin in mah sofa neither. DO NOT WANT. BLARG.. 5 Go tak a baf. srsly. 6 An if Sum1sit on ur sofa wif yr goo all ovr it? BLARG. n00b(lol) Tak a baff.. 7 An dont touch stikiboy neithr, dat gross. Baff, ovr dere.. 8 An WTF!?! you spitz? ZOMFG! EFF U–. 9 –An teh horz u rode in on. lol.

It seems Ceiling Cat has spoken, and the fake mythology will never be the same again.

For my LOLCats fans, I thought I’d do a bit of an update. I continue to explore LOLCats as a cultural phenomenon (and besides, they are cute!). So I thought I’d do a guide to the key LOLCat types. We start off with Ceiling Cat – a cat peeking out from a hole in the ceiling and likened to God:

I believe the original Ceiling Cat image is this one:

You get the idea: God-like, omnipresent.

This is my personal favourite Ceiling Cat:

Then there is Basement Cat, a black cat representing Satan:

And then there is the representation of the eternal struggle between Good and Evil:

Then there appear to be certain LOLCat characters, such as Monorail Cat.

Then we have Long Cat and Slinky Cat:

Instrumental Cat:

And of course, Happy Cat and Serious Cat:

But it seems that depicting cats in human-like situations has a history long before LOLCats. American photographer, Harry Whittier Frees for example, created novelty cards in the early 20th Century. He snapped animals, including cats, in LOLCat-like poses. Here’s one from 1905:

Sources: Wikipedia and icanhascheezburger.com

First there was nothingness Then came cat

ceiling cat created everyfing awt of nuffing.

picture: Meeka. lol caption: jadzia

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75% Ceiling 25% Basement

oar did u sleep in teh toaster again?

picture: Eric Canfield. lol caption: jason_skooter

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Some One Is Watching You..

I bet you didn’t even know it.

There are SO many people watching you all of the time.

We are watched for many different reasons:

Security, surveillance, human behavior research, to determine whether we make the naughty or nice list this year, ect.

But sometimes you are being watched just to see if you masturbate..it’s true! I have proof!

____________________

Yep, that’s correct folks.

The FBI has tiny little agents who live inside your computer keys and other small hide-aways where self-stimulation may be occurring.

But not just the FBI, we mustn’t forget about *bum bum bum*

CEILING CAT!

____________________________________________________________

Non-Masturbating Citizens Beware

You are still not safe from these sneaky watchers

And he never stops, not even to blink!

1 for you, 18 for the taxman right?

Santa just gets creepier each year doesn't he?

Thank you!

Uncle Sam, you are that one REALLY creepy family member at every reunion.

uuuummmmmmmmm?

And you'll never know when or how! *tehe*