Crow Cragg from Withnail and I, or by it’s real name Sleddale Hall, has gone on sale.
The cottage is something of a religious spectacle; some believe it to be the birth place of the Baby Jesus, others the tomb of Lizo from Newsround. We all know it’s gone on sale – the story has been all over the papers with various reports of celebrities who might be interested in buying, or trying to get some kudos from people who don’t rate I’m a Celebrity…
Now people are actually trying to buy the damn thing for real. No joke. That is what I’m writing about.

The cottage has barely been touched since 1987 when it was used for filming the cult classic, mainly because the land is actually owned by the water company United Utilities. In other words the cottage has been uninhabited, and therefore shows no sign of life having been there since the our two heroes left. It’s so untouched that one person claims to have found a newspaper there from July 1987 “lying around near where the range was in the front room”. The only marks that Crow Cragg shows of age are overgrown shrubs and weather damage – but apart from that, the outset looks just the way it was left 22 years ago. Only one thing gives it’s years away: quotes written on the walls by the many Withnailian travellers who have flcoked there and continue to do so. Take a look at what it looks like these days.

It surprises me that pilgrims go to see it. The picture I get is some guy from Idaho who “saw the film on cable” and writes for something American. I see him trudging up those muddy hills so he can stick a few pictures on flickr. It’s sickening, it takes away from the beauty of the film – a film that encapsulates what it is to be young, lost and lonely. The film is the definition of friendship.
It’s as if something that matters to people is prostituted for a good profile pic.

I find it really quite funny there is so much interest – the whole idea is that the cottage is meant to be a shit hole in the middle of nowhere – though you will have to admit the remote location is very beautiful, something you rarely get in England’s concrete-saturated landscape. Kate Moss and her boyfriend Jamie Hince (Pete Doherty 3G) are said to be interested in buying it.
I feel that in it being sold and raped by Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, something will be lost. It should stay peaceful forever, a symbol for all those the film has touched through humour or relation. I don’t want “Withnail And I World” – nor do I want Agyness Deyn galloping down there for a photo shoot.
If I had the money I would buy it and leave it as it is, let the land drink and smoke it away, but lets see what happens.

Read more about it here, here, there and here.

Here is the 1999 documentary ‘Withnail and Us’ (including the man Withnail is based on):

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

It was only a matter of time before one of the red-top newspapers came out with a new video of someone important doing something silly. We’ve had Mosley and his Orgies, now we’ve got Prince Harry and his ‘Paki’ comments.
This time we have the News Of The World to thank for dredging up the clip, where he refers to an Asian soldier as “Our little Paki friend” Harry’s fellow toffs from the Royal Family issued this statement:
“Prince Harry fully understands how offensive this term can be, and is extremely sorry for any offense his words might cause.
“However, on this occasion three years ago, Prince Harry used the term without any malice and as a nickname about a highly popular member of his platoon.
“There is no question that Prince Harry was in any way seeking to insult his friend.”

Things really are not going well for the Princes public relations board at the moment, it was not so long ago that he went to a fancy dress party as a Nazi officer, something that greatly offended the Jewish community.
Are these the actions of a deranged Prince? Or, more innocently the silly actions of a young man who is finding his feet and pushing the barriers of what is and what is not socially acceptable for someone who is in the public as much as he is?
Whilst it is not acceptable to use racist language, whatever is intended by it, perhaps the BBC and the rest of the PC crowd are blowing what he has said out of all proportion. Before you ask for his head on a plate and all the Royal Family to be hung drawn and quartered, watch the video. Harry has since apologized.
Moving on from that part of the video, Harry also managers to call one of his fellow soldiers a ‘rag-head’ (derogatory term for a Arab/Muslim) and make a vaguely amusing fake prank call to the Queen.
Well done Harry, you’ve blown it this time. Idiot.

Here’s the video:

"Sex? Oh... Alright Then"

Ok. That’s a joke. There is no picture of Katie/Katy/Katee/wtf naked. We don’t have one. Yet.
No harm in trying to pull in a few hits though, is there?
And if I did have one, I probably wouldn’t put it on the blog, but somewhere nearer underneath my pillow. In fact I think I might just keep Katy Perry underneath my pillow. She’s a one hit wonder with weird ears, but they photoshop her so well I just can’t resist.
I can smell Katy’s PR writing that email right now.

Right, onto a point. Yes, we aren’t updating this much at the mo, but it’s a busy time: Podcasts to write, friends to annoy, girls’ hearts to break. We’re busy. Lot’s of posts hot to go though – but many I have written are now out of date, as they relate to events that happened weeks or months ago. We will start recording ‘Pods and Mockers’ as soon as this guy gets back to me – yes, we are doing it in a studio especially for your listening pleasure.

Hare Krishna

I subscribe to one podcast and that podcast is the Russell Brand show.
You may love or hate Brand, but you have to admit that his podcast is a masterpiece – it’s been entertaining me for two years, every week, season through season. Last week the podcast flew down the chimney as usual and I had a listen. Russell was joined by Jonathan Ross, in place of Matt Morgan as co-host.
Russell, the week before, had admitted to sleeping with two members of an erotic burlesque troupe called the ‘Satanic Sluts’. All well and good, hows the weather? The difference was that one of these girls was Georgina Bailliem, Andrew Sachs’ granddaughter – yes, the same Andrew Sachs who played Manuel in Fawlty Towers. It was decided that when Jonathan was on the show, the two would conduct a phone interview with Sachs. They called him up and got through to his answer-phone. It’s a custom on the show that when someone isn’t there to take the call, the thing to do is to leave a message, as has happened in the past with Dita Von Teese. Russell said it was a shame he couldn’t come on the show followed by Jonathan shouting out “Russell fucked your granddaughter”. The two joked about it and said they didn’t want Sachs hanging himself over the message and so decided to leave another, fucked up that one and left 2 or 3 more, including one where Russell sang about how he had had Georgina’s consent and how he had used protection, in a barbershop quartet style. I was crying with laughter. It was bad, disgraceful, wrong, horrid, unworthy of the license fee, but fucking hilarious.

Georgina Bailliem - Satanic Slut

Over the course of writing this article, the complaints to the BBC about the incident have gone from 10,000 to 27,000 and it’s a growing number. It’s been discussed in Parliament, David Cameron and our own bloody Prime Minister have gotten involved. This story has been on the front pages of newspapers, even a main item on the news.
What I find strange about the uproar, as is well documented by press reports, is that in the week following the initial broadcast, only a couple of complaints were made, including one made by Sachs himself. The massive onslaught of objection and disgrace was brought on by a newspaper which got hold of the story and publicised the hate campaign.
I agree with Noel Gallagher here when he says that the cocks who run the concentration camps ‘The Daily Mail’ and ‘The Telegraph’ really blew-out the whole story and turned it into something much bigger then it needed to be. This says to me that although people may be shocked, very few of the 2 million listeners were offended and so felt no need to complain. This is reflected in the podcast airing without any offensive content warnings. The majority of complaints have come after the broadcast, fuelled by the media and the knowledge that others are complaining. Because the majority of complaints are coming from people who didn’t listen to the original airing or who aren’t the usual podcast audience, it’s a similar situation to old people complaining of nudity on a porn channel – the main viewership don’t mind but the ones not watching do.

The second thing I will say is what was Andrew Sachs expecting?
He agreed to go onto a radio show with Russell Brand, the great lothario, did he expect to be talking about gardening? Russell has a track record for being upfront, rude and crude – from the VMAs to his ‘Booky Wook’. People think that this call-scandal is bad – we’re talking about the same guy who’s a recovering Heroin addict, the same guy who walked into the MTV offices – an American company – on the 12th September 2001 dressed as Bin Laden. You think this is bad?

Here’s a few other points to take into consideration. First of all Russell sleeps with pretty much anything and Andrew Sachs’ granddaughter is in an erotic burlesque group called the ‘Satanic Sluts’. He must know by now that Georgina is not strolling about in a chastity belt, picking daises in a nunnery.
Also all three are comedians, they are all experienced performers. I’m pretty sure that Andrew can take a joke, as he’s used to being slapped about by John Cleese. Russell is naturally a risk in an interview and Jonathan has his fair share of risqué moments in his own show. There is room in a situation like this, and you have to be expecting it, for content you may not feel comfortable with, especially if you’re a 78 year old man.

Jonathan Ross

So having two comedians in one room, having no audience directly in front of them and therefore no foundation in reality – they are broadcasting to millions but there is no real human staple to prove this, so it’s easy to forget and assume that it’s just the two of you. In other words if the two were standing on a stage in front of two million people, they probably wouldn’t have done it – but in a studio there is no human response from the audience, no feedback like you can get at gigs, where the audience laugh or boo. You are comedically blind, you don’t know what is and isn’t working.
This is no excuse for the actions, and of course it would be unacceptable even if they did it together at home, but as one commenter said, the two are edgy comedians – both push the boundaries of taste. They try and out-edge each other.

At the end of the day, the whole thing has been blown out of proportion.
But the magnet of attraction here has been the BBC, not just Ross and Brand. It’s not like it happened live and there was nothing that could be done about it – it was a pre-recorded show. The BBC had ample opportunities to stop it from running, but they let it air and even put the podcast up into the cloud. If they had thought it was so bad, they wouldn’t have done that. It’s not like it only passes through one person from production to release – it has to be reviewed. The Radio 2 controller has since resigned.
I think, whatever the BBC are making out, that they didn’t think it was that bad at the time. Truth is, it wasn’t. They have only apologised since the public made a fuss and MPs got involved – apologising for the outcry not so much for the actual controversy.

The release of Brand’s new show, Ponderland, probably couldn’t come at a worst time.

Update: Russell Brand has since quit his Radio 2 show, Jonathan Ross has been suspended for 12 weeks and the BBC is having a review of all of it’s comedy. The BBC has long been a place where great comedy can grow, from the Office to the Mighty Boosh, because it’s so accepting and willing to take risks with shows that push boundaries. They are thinking of bringing in tighter controls on comedy – which I think is the worst outcome of this whole incident – the comedy is loved, cherished – so who cares if some Nazi Mail reader doesn’t like it? Do you honestly think Little Britain would have ever been heard of it it had gone through taste controls? They are also inspecting Frankie Boyle’s imitation of the Queen “I’m so old that my pussy’s haunted” – don’t get rid of him, there’ll be a civil war. The BBC must not become some Stalinist institution.

From Left to Right: Girl, Bono, The Edge

Bono got caught after some photos got put on Facebook by these two minxes. I think it’s brilliant.
Mrs Bono: There’s something fishy about this.
Sorry for that last one. Well what do you expect? He’s a rockstar on holiday. He used to have a mullet. He wears sunglasses. He was on Live Aid. Give him a fucking break. They’re only sitting on his knee cause he’s Irish Santa, saving them from poverty and all that. Thanks goldenfiddle.

Ashley Tinsdale

Are you happy with how your nose job turned out?
I’ve explained myself enough about that. I did it for medical reasons.

What a load of bullshit, read this in the metro the other morning and actually couldn’t hold in my laughter. I wouldn’t care if she didn’t remind me so much of a girl I used to go out with – who’s brother tried to stab me – with a broken beer bottle – on a dark beach – on the Isle of Wight. This is my way of revenge, I suppose.
Point of Information: The song reminds me of that long story. Click the picture to hear.

Hey Pixie, is your Dad in?
… Do I sound like I’m from fucking Dublin?
… Well of course I’m not fucking Bono.
Yeah, umm just wondering if I could have a word with with your Dad.
… No I’m alright thanks, but I hear you can get a good price for that shit down Kings Cross.
… Alright, well just tell him that I love the track and yeah, Blue Mondays is shit, but hey! – We all have off days. Also tell him that this would be a real boys-on-the-town classic if he didn’t look like such a
FUCKING CUNT IN THE VIDEO.”

Simon Amstell

Never Mind The Buzzcocks is back.
It’s my favourite show – been loving since the Mark Lemar days.
I don’t watch much TV, so I don’t know if it was advertised on the beeb or not, but I had no idea a new series was coming, as a matter of fact I thought Amstell had left.

But no it’s back. This post is late coming, yes but it’s still worthy.
On Thursday they had Stephen Fry as a guest star, and some guy who was doing a half Axl Rose, half Truman Capote impression if you can imagine, plus that guy from History Boys, Josie Long – a comedian you find in podcasts now and again and some silly S Club Girl.
Saying that, if I was on and sober I would be too scared to make any jokes, just in case it fell apart.

Click the Picture to View The Episode on iPlayer

A lot of us will be wondering what Dwain Chambers was up to while all his mates were bringing home the golds. Luckily we’ve borrowed an extract from his personal diary, so we can be filled in with all his exciting aventures of Summer ‘08.

August 8th – watched opening cermony.

August 9th – tuned in to a bit of swimming. Michael Phelps is cool.

August 10th – fed up with BBC1. The Birds Nest looks rubbish anyway.

August 11th – I’m bored.

August 12th – world records are overrated anyway.

August 14th – went out for a pizza with mum.

August 18th – invited Marlon and Colin round but they were busy in Beijing.

August 22nd – wrote a poem about a gay butterfly.

August 24th – not a great summer. Think i need a holiday.