“If you pray, and then you don’t have enough faith to pick up the phone and call in a tip when you saw somebody gunned down — a person, a child, you know — it’s not going to work,” Washington told KMBC’s Martin Augustine. “Give us some information, that’s what time it is. It’s time to talk.”

“If we don’t talk, criminals walk,” Washington added.

Washington then added “If we just play, criminals don’t pay. And if we don’t harmonize, then criminals euthanize. And we can’t defeat Bowser without Funkhouser. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some Ms. Pac-Man to play.”

By the way, here’s how you can help stop crime in KC: If you have information about a crime in Kansas City, you can leave a tip with Alonzo Washington at his MySpace page, or you can e-mail him at omega7toys@aol.com. Yes, both of those options just scream professionalism. Pinkerton would be proud.

Incidentally, if you haven’t read Washington’s obviously self-penned bio at answers.com, then you haven’t lived. Best part: He came from the future, where there was no racism, drugs, ghettos, or crime. Omega Man battled such foes as the evil Kuhl and Skulgorians, and an Aryan-supremacist army. Because he was sent to the present on a mission to save the future, Omega Man had to be careful about affecting world events.

Be vigilant, criminals of Kansas City.