Well.

“24 Week” concludes a day late as we examine the Five Craziest Things Jack Bauer Has Ever Done.

This subject matter could have been an entire week in itself – but I’m going to attempt to condense it down to five glorious moments.

Enjoy, and as always, beware of spoilers.

Five: Jack goes all “Lost Boys” on some dude’s neck. (Season Six.)

As much as I hate to repeat myself, I must reiterate – Season Six sucked. It was just flat-out not very good, save for a few key moments.

This, was one of them.

Jack Bauer had gotten himself into another hairy situation, as only Jack Bauer can seem to do. Tied to a chair, with no weapons or even the use of his hands, Jack found himself at the mercy of some terrorist scum with no chance of getting the upper hand, leaving us all waiting breathlessly to see how he was going to weasel himself out of -

HE JUST BIT THE DUDE’S NECK.

There is nothing more satisfying than seeing Jack Bauer take a literal “bite out of crime” and then angrily spit out a bloody chunk of neck.

Jack Bauer is awesome.

Four: Jack goes all “Matrix” on some other dude’s neck. (Season Two.)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with “24″ and the character of Jack Bauer, allow me to let you in on a little secret: Jack Bauer hates necks. Passionately. And, more often than not, violently. His weapon of choice seems to be his deadly thighs, which he uses to gleefully snap terrorist vertebrae on a daily basis. This time, though, he took it up a notch, allowing his destructive upper legs a bit of a breather, and opted for a more straight-forwardly awesome neck-crunching super move.

By the end of Day Two, Jack had had enough. He was a tired, broken man, who’s sanity was being slowly depleted, which was of course pushing his violent streak to the max – because that’s how this shit works. It’s science.

Faced with another in a long line of terrorist douchebags, Jack executed a stunning moment of “wtf just happened,” by launching himself at the dude’s neck, running “Matrix-style” up a wall, and breaking said neck in one fluid move of beauty, grace and bloodlust.

It. Was…..killer? *snicker.*

Three: “Get me a hacksaw.” (Season Two.)

Jack was a broken man at the beginning of Season Two as well. After the events of Season One – the murder of his wife, and all – he had kind of given up on, well, everything. The only thing that seemed to matter to him anymore was his job – which on paper was “to protect the country from international terrorists,” but in Jack’s head was something more along the lines of “let’s mess these dicks up hardcore.”

And with that thought in mind, the only realistic evolution from killing an unarmed drug dealer, was to than proceed to cut off that drug dealers head with a hacksaw, to use it as a message or a warning or something towards other drug dealers.

It wasn’t the last time we’d all start to worry about Jack, but it may have been the first.

Two: Jack Bauer almost crashes a plane with his bare hands. (Season Five.)

Not content with the usual collateral damage he’s capable of, Jack Bauer decided to step it up a bit by endangering the lives of an entire plane full of innocent people. Never mind what he was doing on the plane (I can’t remember) or why he decided it was imperative to take matters into his own ands and crash a damn plane (I don’t care) the fact remains – Jack Bauer almost crashed a plane. With his bare hands.

Had he been on the upper deck when the urge to terrify the shit out of 200+ strangers hit him, I’m sure he would have blasted his way into the cockpit and tortured orderd the pilots to bring that bitch down. But he wasn’t; instead, he was locked in the cargo area, and had to get creative with his destructive tendancies.

So he opened up some panels, grabbed a few handfuls of wires or something, and started crashing the plane from there – with his bare hands.

Whatever, though. It worked, and they eventually let him out of there, to continue terrorizing terrorists and civilians alike, because he’s Jack Bauer, and that’s what he does, and besides it’s a little late to get that Creative Writing degree now.

One: “I’m sorry we let you down, Ryan. God forgive me.” (Season Three.)

In Jack’s defense, the terrifying pain and death he doles out on a daily hourly basis, is usually reserved soley for terrorists, criminals and generally bad people. Then came Ryan Chappelle, and we didn’t know what the hell to think about Jack anymore.

Chappelle was alwasy kind of a douche, but he was s douche who meant well, so I guess that’s okay. He certainly didn’t deserve to be shot in the back of the head executioner style by some dude who worked for him on the side of good, is all I’m saying.

But that’s exactly what happened, at the behest of some terrorist mastermind who wanted Ryan dead for some reason. The president assigned Jack to the task, because Jack gets shit done, and off they went to the trainyards to engage in some light bonding and murder.

In all seriousness, it really is one of the show’s best scenes. We realize that Chappelle, despite being a tight-ass and constantly at odds with the other agents, is a good man who was just trying to do his job correctly. He had no friends; just a brother he barely spoke to. He had no one to talk to before the bullet entered his brain, and that somehow made it more difficult to watch. He didn’t deserve this ignoble death, and Jack didn’t deserve to be the one to administer it.

But that’s how it went down anyway.

Well.

That’s it for “24 Week.” Join us this week as we…I dunno. Do something different.

BEEP-BOOP-BEEP-BOOP.

Oh, and as an added bonus…here’s a sweet montage of Bauer related carnage for you.

Well.

Two more days to endure of “24″ week!

DEAL WITH IT.

Today we examine the individual seasons of “24,” ranked from of course worst to best. There have been seven seasons of the show so far, but as I already ranted about my displeasure at Season Six yesterday, I’ve decided to move on and leave it off today’s list.

Rest assured though, that if it was on here…it would be last.

Dead last.

Six: Season Four.

Despite the rampant awesomeness of having the mummy as the main villain, Season Four couldn’t really live up to any of it’s expectations. Ridiculous terrorist plot after ridiculous terrorist plot kept elevating the threat to mammothly outlandish proportions. By the end, I wasn’t really sure what the hell was going on. Marwan (the mummy) while a pretty badass villain had way to many contingency/escape plans. It was just poor writing. Everytime the authorities would close in on him, ready to foil whatever act of terror he was planning to unleash, he would conveniantly escape through a back exit/staircase/trick ladder, ready to start a new, bigger, better plan.

It just got to be a bit too much.

Oh…and, also…I may be wrong on this, but I think this may be the only season of the show where a major character isn’t killed off.

Highlights: Jack’s videogame-like assault on a terrorist headquarters; the surprise re-emergence of Tony; the mummy.

Five: Season Three.

Season Three started off pretty well. In an effort to infiltrate a drug cartel, Jack got himself addicted to heroin. He also got himself a new partner, in the form of hunky Chase Edmunds. It’s usually a bad sign when a series adds a young partner like that, but Chase was surprisingly solid. He was an adequate foil for Jack, and I genuinely would have liked to see more of him.

The villains this season were an interesting affair, beginning with the delightfully charming Salazar brothers and ending with the delightfully British Stephen Saunders – who had amazing potential but was, naturally, pretty much wasted.

The season revolved around some virus with the capacity to kill the whole world or something, and CTU’s efforts to stop it. It also featured the emergence of fan favorite Chloe O’Brien, an interesting (and first of many) twist on the tired mole cliche, and Jack, as always, confronting his personal demons.

At some point Tony also got shot in the neck, but was on his feet glowering and barking orders a few hours later. He’s a trooper, that guy!

Highlights: Michelle gets tough in a hotel; Sherry dies (finally.); Chloe makes her first appearance; Jack plays a game of Russian Roulette; Jack kills Chappelle; Jack kills Nina; Jack doesn’t kill the main villain. (Actually, that was kind of lame.)

Four: Season One.

This is where it all began, seven or so odd years ago. (Which is like nineteen in the “24″ world.) We’re introduced to the greatest hero of all time, his annoying family, and the Counter Terrorist Unit – all tropes that would become, more or less, series staples until the Seventh Season.

It was at times meandering, at times inane (especially whilst covering whatever shenanigans Kim and Teri had gotten themselves into) and at times overstayed it’s welcome.

Still, it had it’s moments – including a scenery-chewing, bizarrely accented Dennis Hopper as the main villain, and the final scene.

Also, Lou Diamond Phillips showed up near the end for some reason – and that alone puts it higher on this list.

Highlights: We meet JACK BAUER; Nina was weirdly attractive; Dennis Hopper’s accent; Lou Diamond Phillips.

Three: Season Seven.

This should have been it. From the outset, Season Seven sounded like it might just be the be-all-end-all of “24″ seasons. And while it didn’t quite make it that far, it came damn close.

This is what we knew initially: for one thing, Season Seven would be the first season of “24″ to leave Los Angeles, the city that had endured terrorists wrath for six years. That was pretty big. Then, we found out that CTU was being done away with as well – in favour of the Effa Bee Eye, in Washington, D.C.

Then we got wind of the sexy new partner for Jack – the beautiful (but deadly!) Agent Renee Walker, played by the talented (but deadly!) Annie Wershing. Add to that a villain played by acadamy award winner Jon Voight, and another bad guy played by the always dependable B-movie star Tony Todd, and brotha, you got a stew going.

Then came the biggest news of all – Tony Almeida would be returning from the dead somehow as Jack’s newest adversary. Saint’s alive!

And, for good measure, it was coming off the heels of the worst season in the shows history. Not a tough act to follow.

While this all sounds epic to the max on paper, it faltered a bit in execution. It was still one of the strongest seasons of the show, with some great thrills, scenes, acting, characters and guest stars. Plus, it pretty much completely did away with the core “24″ cast (or what was left of it) and gave us dozens of new characters – the strongest of which may have been the new president in the “24″ universe, Allison Taylor played by Cherry Jones. (Jones would win an Emmy that year for her portrayal of the strong-willed Taylor.)

Good, maybe even great, but it could have been better…nitpicking, sure, but too many twists and some truly insipid character motivations didn’t help, either – like the amazing flip-flopping Almeida. Even by the end, I don’t really know if he was good, or evil, or what.

Janene Garafalo showed up this season for some reason as well. That didn’t help, either.

Highlights: Jon Voight; Jack’s fight with henchman Quinn; Senator Red Foreman; Bill’s sacrifice; Aaron Pierce and Ethan Kanin’s Hardy Boys Mysteries subplot; Renee Walker.

Two: Season Two.

Jack Bauer was a pretty broken man coming into the show’s second season. After the death of his wife, he kind of went off the rails a bit – which turned out to be entertaining as hell for the viewer.

Season Two revolved around an impending nuclear attack on Los Angeles, organized by a Middle Eastern terrorist cell – manipulated by wealthy American businessmen led by Peter Kingsley (the dude from “Saw.”)

It was one of the more intense seasons of the show, with very few useless subplots (though there may have been something with a cougar…dammit, Kim!) and some great action – including a bombing at CTU.

It also featured a heroic and dramatic sendoff for George Mason, Jack’s boss for the first few seasons. Although kind of a douche, George redeemed himself this season and became a fan favorite because of it.

Highlights: Kate Warner; Jack’s infamous running-wall-neck-snap; Michelle and Tony start getting it on; the  cougar dude from “Saw.”

One: Season Five.

Jack Bauer takes on the President of the United States of America.

Also RoboCop. And the dude from “Warlock.” And C. Thomas Howell.

It’s pretty damn awesome.

This season had it all – one of the best sets of villains I’ve ever seen on the show; some great acting from Gregory Itzin and Jean Smart as the President and his first lady; and super-human secret service agent Aaron Pierce blew up a dude wearing a flame-thrower.

SOLD.

Highlights: The shocking first episode deaths; that fat hobbit’s sacrifice; Aaron Pierce’s expanded role; Edgar’s death; Jack deploying another famous neck snap; Jack’s final shoot-out with Henderson; the Logans.

Well.

Tomorrow we close out “24 Week” with the five best moments in the show’s history.

And then I will return you to your regularly scheduled blog!

Well.

Yesterday I tackled some of “24’s” most hackneyed cliches. Today, in a continuation of what I’m calling “24 Week” or “120,” I discuss five of the Worst Moments in 24 History.

This was actually surprisingly difficult; while “24″ often relies upon the same cliches and writer conventions when it inevitably paints itself into a corner (or just can’t figure out a way to fill up the middle of the season) it’s had very few truly cringe-worthy moments, scenes or subplots.

But it has had a few.

(Again, spoilers abound. You have been warned, dammit!)

Five: Bring your daughter to work day has probably never turned out worse than this.

In an unenviable effort to fill up twenty-four god damn hours of programming. the writers usually have to come up with a few inane subplots that have nothing to do with the overall arc of the series. This, then, is one of those times.

Erin Driscoll became the new Head of CTU in Season Four. She fired Jack. She didn’t seem to know what she was doing. She put too much faith in Ronnie Lobell. She was overall pretty annoying.

To complicate matters, she had a schizophrenic daughter named Maya who she ended up bringing into CTU for some dumb reason to babysit. Maya had a few “episodes” at CTU, distracted her mother from her job of, you know, saving the country and then killed herself and, thankfully, this useless subplot.

I mean, I can understand how difficult it might be to find a sitter when you’re saving the world, but come on!

At least that was the end of Driscoll.

It really came down between this and that bizarre Chloe/baby subplot from Season Three…but I like Chloe, and that subplot at least gave us some sitcom-esque situations between her and an increasingly more befuddled Chappelle, so I’ll let it slide.

Four: Ratings are low. We should kill a cast member. Wait! TWO cast members! WAIT! EVERY CAST MEMBER.

One of the things I both love and despise about “24″ is its tendency to unexpectedly do away with main characters seemingly on a whim, usually for shock value, though if we’re lucky, occasionally for “plot development.” While it can be somewhat annoying, I do understand that it serves a purpose beyond contract terminations shock value. “24″ is one of the few shows where I constantly feel dread and foreboding whenever an established character gets him or herself into some dangerous situation. They’ve used their past willingness to dispatch cast members to beat us over the head with the fact that anyone can die and probably will. And in Season Five, they proved that with a veritable bloodbath of popular characters, culminating in one of the lamest/unforgivable acts of cast murder I’ve ever seen.

After killing off the second most important character in “24″ history, President David Palmer, I was pissed but understandable. His death would set in motion the events of Season Five. Alright, cool. Then they killed off Michelle, another major character who was instrumental in the series formative seasons. Also, she was hot. Still, I could get behind it. This all happened within the first fifteen seconds of the season premiere, so it was pretty intense.

But then they took it too far.

Tony Almeida had been with the show since Season One. A fan favorite, he was like Jack, only more brooding and intense and didn’t really get a lot of shit done. But he was awesome regardless, and the only real holdover from that season. Then he got stabbed in the heart with a needle by a dude who was half dead while crying about his dead wife Michelle.

It. Was. LAME. Didn’t even get a silent clock.

Luckily, they made up for Tony’s pathetic end by retconning him back into the series, alive and well and kind of evil, in the Seventh Season. I’m sure if you asked the people behind the show they’d probably tell you that was the plan all along. But in reality, I think they got a little trigger happy, realized they had nothing to connect the show to Season One, realized the fans were pissed, and decided to awkwardly write him back into the fold, with a very vague and unbelievable explanation for how he survived being stabbed in the heart with a syringe, injected with some magical heart-stopping fluid, and then zipped up into a body bag after the commercial break with a crying Jack looking on.

Whatever, man. Tony’s BACK. I’m good.

Three: Teri has amnesia!

I’m not even sure this one needs comment. I’ve often heard “24″ compared to soap operas – a soap opera for dudes, I suppose, like dating wrestling – and, in the spirit of that, during the middle of Season One, Jack’s wife develops amnesia for some reason and spends a few episodes wandering around aimlessly trying to remember who the hell she is. You see, like her daughter, Teri added virtually nothing to the show. They were human plot devices. Luckily for us, Teri was put out of her misery far earlier than Kim was – in, ironically, one of the show’s best scenes ever.

Hey! She DID serve a purpose!

Two: Kim Bauer is pretty much useless, always.

About four episodes into the series, the “24″ writers came to the grim realization that Kim Bauer had NOTHING TO ADD TO THE SHOW. Even in the first season when her subplot was directly related to Jack, (she was lost, or kidnapped, or something, and he was going to get her back DAMMIT) she still added very little – and then when Jack finally did rescue her and her mother, she REALLY had nothing to do. But she remained, and it became – what I can only hope – an elaborate game of one-up to see what increasingly more ridiculous situation the writers could put her in. This finally came to a stupendously dumb climax when Kim found herself tangling with a freaking cougar out in the woods for some reason during the second season. That’s right – while her father was out saving the world from terrorists, Kim Bauer was staging her own retarded version of “Where The Red Fern Grows.”

She was subsequently written out of the show one season later, though still pops up from time to time. And, in her defense, a little bit of Kim goes along way. When the writers aren’t forced to shoehorn her into the plot every hour, and actually use her to advance the story, she can be very effective.

It just took them three years to realize that.

One: Season Six just wasn’t very good, was it?

Remember up above when I said that the show had surprisingly very few truly cringe-worthy moments? That’s entirely true, by the way. It’s just unfortunate that one of those cringe-worthy “moments” was, in fact, an entire damn season.

Season Six was, without a doubt, the lowest point in the show’s entire history – for twenty-four straight hours.

There’s a lot you can attribute this to. Season Five was one of the shows strongest, and a tough act to follow – which leads me to believe that maybe the writers decided to just say “screw it” and not even try to top the previous season, and instead write such an incoherent mess that they’d have nowhere to go but up afterward.

Well, mission accomplished, I guess.

The season gets off to a pretty rocky start right off the bat – and by “rocky start” I mean “amazing start” that right away signalled to the audience that “welp, there’s nowhere to go from here but down.” And down they went.

The season began with terrorists detonating a nuclear bomb in a Los Angeles suburb. The shot of Jack looking helplessly as a huge mushroom blooms over Valencia was awesome, and really kickstarted thing with gusto. But – hey, wait a sec…where the hell do you go from there?

Do you know how hard it is to top a nuclear explosion? How on earth did they expect to keep the momentum going by blasting out their money shot in the first four episodes? I honestly don’t remember what the terrorist plot was in Season Six because, who cares? A damn nuke just exploded.

And it just gets worse from there. Jack killing Curtis. Forgettable villains with ill-defined motives. The pointless and embarrassing return of the Logan’s. Ricky freaking Schroeder.

It just didn’t end.

Now, admittedly, it had its moments. The big fight scene between Jack and villain Abu Fayed was one of the best choreographed and brutal fights I’ve ever seen on the show. Unfortunately, Fayed was not nearly as menacing or memorable a villain as past baddies, so it all seemed kind of wasted. But at least it looked badass.

The lowest moment of the entire, dismal season though came near the beginning, when the writers finally revealed the identity of the mysterious blue-toothed baddie who had (apparently) been pulling Logan’s strings in Season Five. We’d seen his face in Season Five. We even got his name – Graem. But what was his last name? How did he fit into everything? We were about to find out in glorious Season Six. This was a game-changer. This was key. A recurring villain! One with shady connections, who practically owned the president, one who could…

Jack’s never-before-spoken-about brother? Jack Bauer’s brother? The terrorist mastermind from Season Five is JACK’S FREAKING BROTHER?!?

Jack’s brother is a terrorist mastermind? This has never come up before? Talk about “soap opera for dudes.” What’s next – will Tony return from the dead to save the -

Oh, no wait. There’s Jack’s dad, and he just killed Graem. Guess he was behind it all along. Looks like Jack’ll be chasing his father around for the next twenty-one hours.

God dammit, Season Six sucked.

(And, of course, shortly after Tony did return from the dead bent on revenge or something.)

Soap opera for dudes!

Tomorrow, tune in for more “24″ related madness!

[Digg]

In a new interview with The Onion, Wu-Tang’s main disciple discusses everything Wu related, everything Kung-Fu related, and his entrance into filmmaking. Find me another interview where you’re going to find discussions on Dawn of the Dead, Malcolm X and sperm cells and I shall hand you a googlewhack stamp. The RZA also gave away a little snippet on the upcoming biopic of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, his role on The Last Dragon remake and his directorial debut, the kung-fu flick The Man With the Iron Fist, under the supervision of close friend and torture flick specialist Eli Roth. Glad to know Bobby Dig isn’t slowing any time soon.

The charismatic Dirty never backed away from a scandal. As well as delivering a style never seen nor heard previously, he fathered numerous children, had countless run ins with the law and made food stamps commercial. Here’s Rza on the O.D.B project,

“We have talked about it. His estate is pretty confused, like any estate is in our country. The estate is kind of confused on what to do, and all the rights and all that shit, but it’s definitely been talked about. There’s also been talk about a Wu-Tang Clan movie. So we’ll see what life brings. In my opinion, I’d rather see an ODB pic than a Wu-Tang Clan pic. But an ODB pic, just to really describe his life, would be good. Right now, there is a documentary that’s done that’s pretty good. It ain’t a knock out of the park, but it’s pretty good, it gives a nice piece of him. Then you start with that, and we can build more awareness about his life, and build more interest in people seeing a movie about it.”

The main question is, who can bring that Dirt McGirt charisma on screen? The Playlist believe that Bed-Stuy’s Chris Rock could tackle the project, others have suggested Dave Chappelle emerging from the London comedy clubs to give it try. As much as I would love to see Dave taking on the part, I think the chances of getting him are as likely as U-God’s next LP going triple platinum.

You can find the full article here

Whoever Rza chooses, their going to have a big task encapsulating this…

Dré

I can’t tell you how happy this makes me because A) Chappelle is doing new material, and B) I’ve said similar things about The Secret, after being forced to read the chapter about visualizing your bills as checks! Lol..

Can’t wait for a full stand-up special.  We just might be okay…. after all….. sun gon’ shine….

Grits and Gravy again, hungry for answers and clarification in this ever ignant world. As you may have deduced from the title of this post, the following is an examination of my D-less counterparts. I’ll start by saying there are few things like the company of a nice young lady, no decadence…and in some cases we men even chose to be exclusive with one of these young ladies, depending on several important factors that contribute to your overall persona. Now…to the real focus of my confusion…a question to women that has been driving men to the stab for years…Why do you make it so difficult to to get in there when WE KNOW YOU WANT THE SAME THING!?

My man and king of ignance, logic, and reason Dave Chappelle adresses the subject quite nicely…

Now even the ladies out there cannot deny this logic..(Dave’s white person voice is priceless as always). It’s so much easier if you girls just made sense. Now, I am not dumb, in fact I am very well educated, and I believe it is very safe to assume that males and females are wired very differently. However, I firmly intend that in certain situations we desire the same fundamental thing. I think Lil Webbie said it the best when he dropped the line “you know you want it girl don’t act like you don’t want it girl I want it just as bad as you do.” Now while I am in no way, shape, or form endorsing Lil Webbie, but in this particular case he is sitting some knowledge.

Now I can already hear the ladies…”Grits…I’m not tryna look all fast.” “Grits..I ain’t no hoe.” “Grits…I don’t know if you got something and might give it to me, especially cuz I know you messed with dude’s cousin who definately got something from that time she as on vacation in Miami and messed with Clinton Portis, and half of the Dolphins D line…” Well maybe that last one was a stretch, but calm down ladies. I promise you that dudes won’t think of you as a hoe if there is a shared “understanding.” In fact, they may even respect you more. I understand the whole idea of wanting what you can’t have, and I respect it…but we know what you are all about when you tell us no… then send us a pix message like this after we both leave the bar.

You know this goes fellas, you’ll most likely get this pix message while you and your boys are at the late night eatery, enjoying your late night body rudenning experience.  Obviously if you have the energy and more importantly if said girl motivates you enough to go home and brush your teeth…you will do your best Fred Flinstone impression and make that bed rock.  In a lot of cases dudes are just too fed up to give into this type of scandalous, irritating behavior.  It’s a classic case of “Post Club Snipe Technique.”  Effective PCST is usually devastating to males…but what it really does is guarentee the female safety from other female ridicule.  If your girls, or other random skeezers saw you leave the club with a dude you aren’t dating…they make assumptions.  Sad, but true.  Men usually care very little about these assumptions, which is a good mindset to have because who cares what other people think…YOU ARE GOING TO BEAT STREET. (see below)

I could go on, but won’t because I feel that our female readers get the picture. Live your life, get you some. That being said…from all of us at ATI, we don’t love them hoes(usually).

Spitting Knowledge hotter than grama’s grits,

G&G

By far my favorite Chappelle performance of all time…. “WOMEN BE SHOPPPINNN’!!!!!!”

In addition to the careers of many hip-hop artists, Russell Simmons could prob’ly take credit for a lot of comedians’ careers taking off.  In ‘92, Def Comedy Jam premiered on HBO, and it was kinda like a big deal.

At 12, this show was all kinds of entertainment for me. The most I’d seen of stand-up comedy was the occasional guests on Arsenio Hall or The Tonight Show (stuff like Eddie Murphy’s stand-ups were off-limits when I was little). I wasn’t interested in it until DCJ came along and I happened to catch it one Friday night. For the next couple of years, I was stuck on that show, and stand-up comedy as a whole. I would be on my ass laughin’ just as much as the people in the crowd were, and of course I recorded and watched ‘em over and over.

Def Comedy Jam appealed to the hip-hop crowd like crazy, because everything about it was right along the same lines. It was current, it was profane, and of course, the Russell/Def Jam attachment and Kid Capri as the house DJ. To watch it now, it seems normal, with the numerous shows that have popped up since then. But at the time, there weren’t any comedy shows like it. When I would see stand-up comedians before, they were usually middle-aged White guys with suits on. Here, I saw a lot of younger Black comedians who dressed just like the audience. Everything about the show was hip-hop, from the opening music (Public Enemy’s “Fight The Power”) to the end when the dancers would get on stage with Capri spinning the beats.

There’s a lot of comedians who’d never been on TV before DCJ, and have since gone on to have their own TV shows and movies. I might be wrong about a few of these, but DCJ marks the first time I’d ever seen Bernie Mac, Chris Tucker, Dave Chappelle, Steve Harvey, Eddie Griffin, Tracy Morgan, Cedric The Entertainer, D.L. Hughley, Bill Bellamy, Mo’nique, Mike Epps, and others. Some didn’t make it that far (i.e. Adele Givens, Arnez J., Teddy Carpenter, J. Anthony Brown, Earthquake) but were still standouts on the show who went on to do other things.

In the later seasons, they had numerous hosts, but the original host was Martin Lawrence, about a year before Martin premiered on FOX. Martin was NUTS on this show, especially for how he used to go in on the people in the audience. Nobody was immune to getting caught out there, especially the random white man in the crowd and the girls with fukked-up outfits on. Celebs caught it too, from Spike Lee to Flavor Flav. I’d seen Martin in a couple of movies before, but this was the first time I recall him being his most comedic.

By the time it went off the air in ‘97, DCJ wasn’t the show it once was, and it def. ran its course. Still, I don’t think anyone could deny how major it was at its height. After DCJ, every other comedy event from then on was called some kinda “Comedy Jam”, even to this day. I don’t get why they don’t just put out the complete seasons on DVD, but the best-of’s have sold more than a lil’ bit since they’ve been released. It’s actually been so popular throughout the years- even with some of the jokes and antics being dated as all hell- HBO brought it back in ‘06.

Of course the show had its critics, but Def Comedy Jam was a whole new look for stand-up comedy that’s been tried a million times since then. In the post-Cosby/Pryor/Murphy era, it was an avenue for a lot of Black comedians who otherwise weren’t being spotlighted.

As the pre-Yoga-and-sweater-vest Russell Simmons would say at the end of each show: “Thank y’all for comin’ out, God bless you, and good night.”

Martin Goes In On Flavor Flav (1992)

Bernie Mac Ain’t Scared Of You Muthafukkas (1992)

Eddie Griffin Does Michael Jackson (1992)

Chris Tucker Is Pissed Off, Maaannn (1992)

Dave Chappelle Explains How “Nigger” Became A Word (1993)

Joe Torry Puts Dick In Ya Life (1994)

A.J. Johnson’s True Meaning Of “Keep Ya Head Up” (1994)

Arnez J. Explains The Power Of Music (1995)

Will E. (D.J. Robo) Battles Kid Capri (1995)

-D!

Whats really good tho??? So I was just thinking to myself Hmmmmm, self…. there is not one single black sitcom on TV in the year 2009. What in the heezy is going on in this day and age??? Are all of us black folk out there with any type artistic talent focusing on coming out with the next stanky leg instead of trying to perfect a more meaningful genre of the arts such as acting or comedy?? What happened to the Martin , The Different World, The Cosby’s and The Hangin with Mr. Cooperesque type shows. You know what I’m talking about, the type of show that was slightly Ignit but had its values in order. Hell, I’d even settle for some sort of reincarnation of Home Boys in Outer Space which is possibly the worst black sitcom to ever appear on television.

Yea…them fools is ignit for that. But in all seriousness, somebody had to actually sit down and write that title on paper, read it, process it and think it was actually good. Then after that, I’m sure they had to run it by some higher ups that also thought it was an acceptable title. WRONG! There wasn’t a single brotha in the whole department that kept it real and said that this ish isn’t gonna fly. Guess not. It was black tho, and because of that I’ll take it.

Oh my B, my B. It just came to mind that we do have two black sitcoms in the year 2009, and they are in fact the two biggest FAILs of all time. Tyler Perry’s House of Payne and Meet the Browns. These two shows could be the most egregious display of blackpsploitive ignance ever ot hit the tube. You might as well call the show Tyler Perry’s House of Shuckin’ n Jivin’ and Meet the Sambos .Let’s go Tyler Perry. I know you are sooooo much better than that. You are one of the most outspoken advocates against coonery and bafoonery then you hit us with this clown ish. You sir make me furious.

If I had my way I would bring back the creator/innovator of ignance as we know it today. That’s right, you have probably already guessed it. I am speaking of the one and only Dave Chappelle.

True or False…the ignance of this show probably set black people back a solid 60 years. TRUE. But the show was soooo funny that I am going to have to give it a pass. Who doesn’t miss those classic lines like “Is Wayne Brady gonna have to smack a sitch” or “Shoot the Jaaay, shoot iiiit,” or my personal favorite “Ohhhh Darkness, Darkness, black eeevil midnight. They should have never gave yall jiggas money.” Moral of the story is bring back black TV, and when I say that I mean good black TV not the wackness that we see in the year 2009.

- Banter

h/t Andrew Sullivan

wow, dads are really stepping their game up in ‘09.  fucking christ.

i don’t want to talk about it.

…starting a tumblog dedicated to a formal countdown until this stroke of genius goes into effect, as we speak.

“I’m not doing this for money. I didn’t expect this many people to show up, so it couldn’t be for fame.”

“It’s not a complete loss.  We came together.  We all saw a naked lady on top of Starbucks.”

I first saw this on Twitter over the weekend (shock), and I couldn’t help but grin. Chappelle did an impromptu show in Portland, OR at Pioneer Square at 1am for 4,000+ people.  Unfortunately, he only showed up with a small amplifier and one mic, saying he expected a hundred people.  We’ve all (save for the unnecessary Lil-Jon-impersonating-I’m-rich-bitch-yellng-fans) been anxiously awaiting Dave’s return to the public eye. I kind of expected him to reappear during the election season in support of Obama, but he’s obviously just been doing a lot of pushups back in Yellow Springs, OH with the fam.

I love everything about this spontaneous show because it captures Dave’s essence. Beyond handling the crowd with a calm, comedic demeanor, he brought up local singer Kamaria Wilson (who he met that day) to sing. You can see her performance at the 5:34 mark of this Youtube video. Go to SupportKamaria.com to donate and help her achieve a dream.

The comment section in the Oregon Live story, and the multiple Youtube videos captures the excitement and energy from the night.  I just hope this means a new stand-up or a Block Party Pt. 2… preferably in Indianapolis. Thanks, Dave.

A lil’ vid from Pioneer Square (aka Portland’s living room)

It seemed like a hoax.

There where thousands of people crammed into Pioneer Courthouse Square and no Dave Chappelle anywhere. But there were definitely plenty of jackass fans, some traumatic underage boob flashing—seriously, I really didn’t need to see that—and a bunch of suburban kids with not much else to do on a lazy Tuesday night. So, yeah, Twitter failed and it was all a hoax…

…that is, until Dave Chappelle (and the world’s smallest amp) showed up.

(via The Portland Mercury)

This is a really cool story wrapped in a really cool story. If you hadn’t heard from the flurry of Twittering about it yesterday, Dave Chappelle made an impromptu appearance at Pioneer Courthouse Square in Portland, OR – an appearance he had planned to make in front of a very small crowd and only told *five* people about. One of those people must have gotten on Twitter at some point, and by the time the concert was supposed to start, *four thousand people* had filled “Portland’s Living Room” waiting to see Dave. And show, he did. With a practice amp, a microphone, and an awesome attitude, he showed up to a crowd much larger than expected and did a damn good job keeping the crowd in good spirits despite barely being able to broadcast his voice to the first couple rows of people, let alone the entire square.

Here’s a clip of a great article written by a local news anchor, Joe Donlon, about his experience meeting Dave Chappelle while he was in town:

I introduced myself, and said, “So, it’s true. You ARE here. Everyone’s talking about it, you know.”  He was gracious and courteous – but clearly cautious when he heard I was a news anchor.  That’s why my next question probably wasn’t the best.  “What are you doing in town?”  He cocked an eyebrow – gave me that classic Dave Chappelle look – and said, “You’re a journalist?  I’m not sure I want to answer that.”  Fair enough.  So we moved on to other things – after I convinced him that I literally just happened to walk past.

I started with the rumor of this midnight show.  He seemed genuinely surprised, and said – “How did you hear about that?”  I told him about all the chatter we’d been hearing on Twitter and elsewhere – and he seemed almost stunned.

He then asked me about the local TV business.  We talked about the dwindling ad revenues, the layoffs, the cutbacks, and the bankruptcies – and he was truly intrigued about the money, and where it all went.   We talked about how people consume their news, the impact of the internet on that consumption, and our mutual admiration for Ted Koppel.  He also added his take on the difference between ‘news’ and ‘journalism’ and the changes he thought had killed ‘good journalism.’

via My Chappelle Show – KGW Anchors .

If you’re still curious, here’s a video of his performance:

Dave Chappelle via OregonLive.com

And, of course, some links to the flurry of articles about the event:

• Portland Mercury: Chappelle in Pioneer Square
• Dave Chappelle Surprise in Downtown Portland

Dave, if you’re reading this – you’ve got plenty of fans in Portland that would love to see you come back for a show whenever you like. =)

]]> http://twenty12gage.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/dave-chappelles-impromptu-show/ Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:02:10 +0000 twenty12gage http://twenty12gage.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/dave-chappelles-impromptu-show/

In one of the most bazaar Tuesday nights of my life, Dave Chappelle showed up in Pioneer Square at 1am with a mic and an amp to do a free show for a shockingly huge crowd. Rumors surfaced yesterday afternoon that he was planning this show for midnight and, as he said, he was “expecting a couple hundred people”. However, due to the power of technology, word traveled quickly through the city as people used text messages, Facebook, and Twitter to notify their friends. At the crowd’s peak, there were probably a good 6,000 people crammed into the square, filling it from end to end, sitting on top of bus stops, statues, Starbuck’s, friends shoulders, you name it. By 12:30am the crowd was growing restless. People were in awe of the enormous crowd that seemingly appeared out of nowhere, without any certainty that the rumored show was actually going to take place. The crowd went into an uproar when someone tore off the curtains on the stage and a 20-something black guy jumped out pretending to be Dave. People started jumping and screaming for a couple seconds until someone yelled, “Not all black people look the same!” The crowd booed him off stage, but it opened up the floodgates for the trashiest of Portland’s youth to attempt to entertain the crowd. Next came a group of guys that wanted the crowd to cheer as they smoked a bowl in the middle of the stage. Then came some nasty girls with nasty boobies that wanted to share them with the world. People were throwing cups and beer cans at the stage and the situation had all the makings of a riot, so I decided to abandon my stage-side spot.

At around 12:45am much of the crowd had decided this was all a hoax. An experiment on the power of social networking at our expense. On the way back to the parking garage, however, I got a call saying that Dave was just seen leaving the Heathman Hotel and getting into a car. As hundreds and hundreds of people were leaving, a few of us started hurrying back towards the square. With a crowd of about 3-4,000 now, Dave came walking nonchalantly through the square. No security. No police. Just Dave Chappelle holding a mic and an amp.

While I must give the man props for how cool it is to do an impromptu show in the middle of the city at 1am and not charging a dime, I wish he would have came more prepared. There was no way the crowd could hear him with the kind of equipment he brought. A blowhorn would have done much better. He said he “didn’t realize he was still famous” and that he learned his lesson on why to “never tell a secret in Portland”. He recognized there was no way he could do a show so big with the equipment he had, and said he was “proud of a city where this many people can stand so close to each other and not be angry”. A woman singer that came with him tried to entertain the crowd with a song, and while some people clapped others were annoyed, yelling things like “F*ck you Fiona Apple!” In the end, the most entertaining spectacle came when 3 people started stripping nude on top of the Starbuck’s roof, taking pulls off a bottle, kissing, and smoking. Everyone, including Dave, and the police for that matter, just watched them do their thing for a solid 5 mins. The whole thing was a very Portland experience.

Rumors that appeared on the Internet, stating that stand-up comedian Dave Chappelle was going to be performing an impromptu show at midnight, in Pioneer Courthouse Square in Portland, seemed to attract the fans, according to. And although it is not clear whether it was true or not and whether Chappelle will really turn up, it didn’t stop some of his fans turning up in anticipation. People were seen around 10:45pm, driving around the square in a group of cars. Reports say that some of the passengers were even heard shouting “Where’s Dave Chappelle?” There was even a stage set up in the square, but no signs mentioning Chappelle or his special show.

There was no mention on Dave’s website either. to keep updated with the latest entertainment news or. Got something to say? Then blog about it. topics like film, music, sports, television, and celebrities. to share news and your thoughts.

Esteemed opinion article: read there

.DAVE come back… its a recession + no ones laughing… stop suckin’ on them noodles man, let’s go.

(concreteloop.com)

Contains Language, but is funny as H#LL!