The Cheater. Jenell Wolf had been married for over 3 years. Preached religion and Christianity. Yet her and a married named Matt from easton or exton carried out an affair in the backseats of their vehicles for over 6 months while working for dun and bradstreet. Matt is 32 and drives a Toyota from what little information has been divulged. Supposedly works out of the short hills Nj office. His wife is probably unsuspecting hence the reason behind this blog. According to information he has 2 kids and one on the way. Jenell Wolf has worked for Dun and Brandstreet, also known as DNB since 2006. Her husband took the domesticated role to care for their daughter and home. With the help of a private eye he exposed the affair.

My name is RODNEY HOLUM JR. I’m very popular in USA as Fraud. My bloody tradition is to Cheat others to gain profit. I used to cheat lots of companies. With this process I have completed my website: http://www.couleetechlink.com/. I have been slapped directly  by various people ALL OVER THE WORLD.
I’m a part of a big FRAUD racket. So be aware from me or a bloody like me. So for all kinds of FRAUD information or technique. call– 608-790-2229.or contact me by mail : rholum@couleetechlink.com

What should one do if a guy that you hang out with, that ‘dumped’ you to sleep with your best friend, then got married, decides to send you a message saying they have been thinking about you since they saw you out one night when you were with your wife?

NOTHING.

That is what I’m doing. 

 How on earth do I get in these situations? Does things this messed up happen to other people?

Massive Election Fraud threw vote count against Hoffman
WIDESPREAD FALSE REPORTS GIVEN TO PRESS, ALL TO DEFLATE HOFFMAN VOTE COUNT

Article: The Post & Email

It looks increasingly that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, in her zeal to get the Health Care Federalization Bill passed, may have sworn in an unelected candidate for the NY-23 Congressional District, in violation of the U.S. Constitution and New York State laws.

As a matter of fact, not only has the Secretary of State of New York not certified the election, in which Doug Hoffman and Bill Owens vied in a special election, nearly head to head — after Scozzafava retired in humiliation, having lost the support of conservatives in her district — but that vote count is in doubt this morning.

The Post-Standard of Syracuse published this morning a detailed report which lists all the irregularities; errors of vote counting which were all against Doug Hoffman.

Ryan said an important factor in the decision to concede was the unexpected — and erroneous — close vote in Oswego County, where polls had Hoffman with a double digit percentage point lead heading into Election Day.

“That’s the thing that threw us off,” Ryan said.

Oswego County elections officials blame the mistakes on “chaos” in their call-in center that included a phone system foul-up and inspectors who read numbers incorrectly when phoning in results. Of 245 races in the county — not including the congressional and court races — 84 had incorrect totals reported election night.

In the congressional race, more votes were cast in Oswego County than any other in the 11-county district.

The district’s second biggest voter turnout was in Jefferson County, where Hoffman also has benefited from a turnaround since election night, gaining about 700 votes. Owens led Hoffman by 300 votes on the final election night tally. But after recanvassing, Hoffman now leads by 424 votes, 10,884 to 10,460.

Jerry Eaton, the Republican elections commissioner for Jefferson County, said inspectors found a problem in four districts where Hoffman’s vote total was mistakenly entered as zero.

“Hoffman definitely gained votes where he didn’t have them,” Eaton said.

Since 10,200 absentee ballots were distributed, and more than 1,300 returned from pro-military Jefferson Country alone have not even been counted (a more than 70% return rate on ballots distributed), there is a good chance that Dough Hoffman has won the election.

The consistent errors in the election process against Hoffman’s vote count, can only indicate one thing: a conspiracy to commit election fraud on a massive scale.

It turns out that Pelosi’s swearing-in of Owens had the political effect of garnering the addition Republican vote, of Cao, in the vote for the Health Care Bill, which passed narrowly, 220-215. The election fraud, in the NY-23 district, therefore, puts in doubt the legitimacy of that vote also.

The question of the day, therefore, is: “Was this election fraud organized and directed from the White House, which had everything to gain or lose, based upon a favorable or unfavorable vote tally?”

Hm. Sounds unsurprisingly familiar. Al Franken much?

I’m a pathological liar.

I’ve lied about so many things, sometimes I lose track.  I’ve lied to my mother about where I’ve been, to my friends about who I’ve fucked, to my boss about the wellness of my family (seriously).  I’ve lied about everything.  I think I do it to see if I can get away with it.  Every time I meet someone new, I take a moment and bite the inside of my cheek.  I tell myself – no, I demand from myself – that I won’t lie to this one.  This one will be special.  

I had a good friend when I was younger. About 17. He was older than I was.  I never lied when I told people that I loved him and that he told me he loved me in the last conversation before he died. I never lied when I said that he told me we’d be together.  These aren’t things I orchestrated because he was dead and I wanted to prove to everyone that I deserved to cry and fall off the deep end.  The fucked up thing is, I started using him as a place to keep the bad habits I never had.  When I’d meet someone who seemed to be suffering from some fucked up, neglectful childhood, I’d tell them that my dead friend and I used to do lines together.  Then I automatically would become a confidant.  It’s that easy.  The people say to themselves, “Fuck, she’s a little screwed in the head”, and then I’m a non-threat.  Easy.  I still tell people this lie, and I’ve never snorted coke – I’ve only ever gummed some with the guy. I go as far as to say I sniffed an eight ball with my friend and went AWOL after he died.  I tell them that was my worst moment.  My rock bottom.

I didn’t need to be strung so bad that I couldn’t find myself to know that was my worst moment.  I was a young chick.  I suffered hard over his death.  Come to think of it, I lied to him too.  When we met when I was 15, and got to know each other, I’d told him I’d been with three guys.  It made me feel cooler, and older.  Remember? He was a tad older than I was.  I was a virgin.  He wanted to fuck me.  I waited until I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of two years and then I fucked him…while I was still with that guy.  I keep telling myself that he should have been my first because I would never have known how big of a fuck up he was, or how many lies he told, or whether he would have fallen out of love with me.  I would have never known these things because he’s dead.  Now he’s my resevoir where I keep my lies.  When he died, I told the guy I was dating.  We broke up.  Everyone I date knows I cheated on the guy with my dead friend. They think it was the one and only time because that’s what would make sense.  It wasn’t.  I’m not as “together” and “confident” and “popular” as many people would think.  I hide my insecurities in all these lies and they tangle up and strangle me sometimes.  I sometimes dream about this guy and he knows about all these lies and he thinks they’re funny.  Sometimes I think it’s funny that people believe them, or at least don’t have the guts to say I’m lying because I’m talking about a dead man.

Cheater
Cheater

Cheater Game
Cheater Game Description : The dumb guy in the class is copying from the girls. We know, we know….we’re the best!
How to Play Cheater Game? Use mouse to interact.

The easiest way for me to do this is in first person. This piece was inspired by females that I have come across throughout my late high school and college years. It is a mix of various things, not all them have been done to me.  If you feel I’m talking about you, I probably am, but once I finish saying this, you won’t want to let anyone know I was talking about you.

I used to be your best friend. We used to hang out all the time. I used to come over to your apartment for movie night, we’d go to the mall, have girl talk, and do everything friends are supposed to do. You helped me out when I was struggling; giving me rides, food, and even money. But now I got a boo and I don’t have time for you. There are 24 hours in a day and I have to go to class, go to a meeting, spend time with my boo, and sleep. Even though I sleep with him, I still don’t have time to call you. Oh, wait, yes I do, I’ll call you when I need something; you’ve always been good for that. If I don’t need anything I just won’t call you. Now, I will still make plans with you, but I will change them or even better, I just won’t call you and have you waiting for me. You understand right? I got a boo and that gives me the right to forget about you or if we do talk I must incorporate my boo into all aspects of our conversation. It also means that if you are really my friend you need not speak, but listen to every single complaint, issue, problem, and woe I may have with my boo.

He has to have all of my attention right now. I can’t support you at the game because my boo doesn’t like your team. I know I used to hang out with you and your teammates 24-7, but my boo says you guys can’t play, you’re lame, and he would appreciate it if I didn’t hang around you all. That includes going to your games, hanging with you at school, and I definitely can’t help you with fundraisers or anything your team does. You understand right? I know how much fun we used to have together and how much you’ve done for me, but my boo makes my decisions for me. I don’t know why you are mad, don’t you understand my boo wants to feel appreciated? I know his team is the one that really can’t play, but like I said he doesn’t like your team.

I love my boo! He so mean to me every day, but you should have seen how sweet he was on my birthday. We went to the best restaurant in town and he bought me a gorgeous necklace. Sometimes he makes me cry so hard I can’t breathe. Remember that time I was laid out on the floor hyperventilating? That was wonderful. He yells at me and tells me what to do. He doesn’t like the decisions that I make, because I’m not smart enough to make the right decisions. He gets upset with me and just starts yelling. I can avoid this, but in order to do that I have I would have to stand up for myself and make my own decisions. He buys my text books, pays my credit card bill, and phone bill. However, when I want something as stupid as a skirt, he won’t buy it.  My boo is the best. He kicked me out of his apartment and told me he didn’t want me anymore, but I’m okay. I just had a big crying spell, called you up cuz I knew you’d come comfort me. Being on an emotional rollercoaster is so healthy, you should try it.

I love my boo. He gives me an orgasm every time we have sex. What do you expect? He does get a lot of practice in, cuz when we aren’t having sex; he’s having it with his ex-girlfriend or another girl. One day he basically told me he just wants me around for sex, and that’s fine. I will continue to fall in love with him and have such strong feelings for him, even though he just views me a piece of ass, but please note I’m his number 1 piece of ass. And to show my commitment to being his number 1 piece of ass, I consent to having unprotected sex with him.

I need to be the best woman to my boo. That means getting rid of friends that have been there with me through thick and thin (which includes you). I have to start hanging out with his friends now to show him how dedicated I am to him. Oh, and I definitely can’t be friends with you, because you’re a lesbian. My boo doesn’t want me hanging with any lesbians, so our friendship is now over. You’ll get over it.  I have to give up my habits and even some of my values because my boo doesn’t want me unless I’m the way he wants me to be. Like I said, I love my boo, so I’m willing to do anything to please him.

The best thing my boo does, is ignore me when we are out in public. It is so great to be sitting at the table eating lunch with him, and other people come up that I don’t know, and he doesn’t introduce me. That is the best feeling in the world. Actually no what’s better than that is being with my boo and nobody knows about US. That is so great to have such strong feelings for someone and they don’t even tell a soul that I am around. It feels so good to know that my boo loves me so much that he can’t even tell his friends we have a relationship. However, they do know about how much sex we have, but that’s okay, cuz I love my boo.

I have to put him first. He goes above everyone and every thing. It doesn’t matter how bad of a day you had because trust me, something is going on with me and my boo that is far more important than your feelings. Don’t you remember, it’s all about my boo? I know we used to have our special time together, but things have changed. I got my boo and I need him. He doesn’t need me and has tried to break up with me several times, but I just won’t let him go. I can’t be without a boo. I have to have one. If I don’t have a boo, I am a nobody. I am not cool. I am not strong. I am not whole!

Things are wonderful because I have a boo. Don’t worry when my boo gets rid of me finally or when I wake up and realize I don’t NEED a him, I’ll come back to you. I’ll be your best friend again, just how it used to be. I will have time for you. I will call just to see how you are doing. I will go out with you. I will go to your games. I will understand that you won’t be as welcoming and probably don’t want me back as your friend. After all I tossed you to the side like garbage, because I loved my boo.

Sad and Tragic: I urge my ladies to learn to love yourself. Take time to separate yourself from yourself. Recognize, admit to, and accept your perfections and imperfections. Find out what your true passions are. Discover what makes you happy. Your true self will never be found in the arms of your lover. You can never love anyone else completely if you can’t love the person who’s been with you since the day you were conceived………….yourself.

Look how happy buddy looks

So the last couple of posts have been about the kind of people to avoid. People who suck out the life and fun of dating and leave you a spent shell of your former self. More accurately, people that are that way now. But, you know, the great thing about people, like wine, is that they change with time. They mellow, they smooth out, they become more stable. They often become more full-bodied as well, but that’s a post for another time.

As we all know, our world is very small. As such, we develop a sort of familial relationship with the people in our circle, with  good deal of incest to go along with it. Keith used to date Sasha. Tara hooked up with Steve that time, Earl and Michelle had an on and off thing, etc.  These people naturally develop reputations. This can be a good thing, because it allows you to pre-qualify people.

“Oh, yeah, Brad, he’s a stand-up dude. We worked at Mckinsey together and he’s really about his business.”

“Yup. Keisha? She’s good peoples. She seems sarcastic but she’s really cool.”

Awesome, right? Weeeeelllllll, ther’s of course a flip side.

“Jamal? Seriously? That dude is lame. Have you heard him talk?”

“Look dog, I saw you over there getting Christine’s number, and yeah, she’s cute and all, but I mean, dude, she knows a lot of Que’s, if you get my drift, dog. A LOOOOT of Que’s.”

Which can also be valuable. I mean, not only do you want to pre-approve potentially good matches, you want to weed out unqualified buyers, right? The problem here comes in the fact that once you are labeled as something, that’s what the general public perceives you as. And as someone who may be considering entering into a relationship with this person, well, You have to consider your own calculus. Is it worth the risk to deal with someone who had some issues in the past? Can people really change?

“And you can try to change, but that’s just the top layer

Man, you was who you was when you got here”

-Hov-

Well damn, that had an air of finality about it. Well, let’s see, can people be redeemed? Rehabbed? Made shiny and new? More specifically, what about these people?

The Whore

I mean, come on, we all know folks who both ARE whores, and WERE whores, male or female. And this is a sticky one. I mean, regardless of whether or not you’ve been celibate for three years, no one wants to be the guy that turned a “ho into a housewife.” I don’t know about you, but I wake up in cold sweats every once in a while after having a nightmare in which Too Short nonchalantly walks up to me and says “You a rest haven for hoes.” And all of a sudden kittens and ponies, and the girl robot from WALL-E appear an point and laugh at me. But there’s nowhere to escape their scorn! For men, I think this is an easier obstacle to overcome than women, since we’re assumed to be entitled to a whore phase. But what say you? Would you seriously date someone who got around? Would you constantly worry that you’ll unearth new skeletons? And frankly, if everything else about this person is as it should be, and assuming they’re disease free, does it matter?

The Cheater

Could have been once, could have been a hundred times. They say once a cheater, always a cheater. But is that true? What if you’re really all that person would ever need/want? Or is that just pie in the sky bullshit as he/she makes hotel reservations under a credit card you know nothing about and an assumed name?

The Gold Digger/Groupie

Every twitter male’s worst enemy, according to them, constantly trying to trap them for their 87 Civic and get free meals at Chipotle on their dime. But what if a woman (or man)’s stint as a gold-digger was a short lived period in their twenties of just seeing how far they could stretch the boundaries. Maybe they just happened to date an athlete, for all the right reasons. What if they just enjoyed the flashing lights for a while, fucked a couple famous people, and then moved on to real life? Can you hold that against someone?

The Player

Slightly different from the whore in that this is just the person who never commits. It might be the serial monogamist or the artful dodger, but either way, this person seems to always escape the noose of LTR-dom in the nick of time. Is this something you can forgive, or is there too much risk that you’ll be the next victim dropped off at the curb like so much recycling?

The Abuser/ The Abused

And this has been in the news lately obviously since the whole Riri/CB interview circuit. I mean, can this dude change? Would you trust him to? Or is he always one meaningless provocation away from slapping the dog shit out of some woman? And what about her? Is there a stigma to her being the victim of abuse? Do you treat her differently? Protect her more? Or not get involved because you fear there may be emotional undercurrents there that you can’t deal with? What about the victims of sexual violence. I forget the statistic, but the number of women who are raped every year is staggering. If you know a woman has been through that, does it change how you look at her?

The Broke/Trifling/Shiftless

Can someone get their shit together? Well, sure we know they can. But what if someone has recently emerged from brokedom or triflingness? Is there a seasoning requirement, liek flipping a house?  What do you need to see to know they won’t backslide?

So what do you do? Have you dated someone who has been reformed? Or have you rejected someone who may have been reformed because their past scared you off? Discuss.

A 27 year 0ld woman has admitted to taking her partner back after she found out he was having an affair.

Sheri Gill who had been with Delroy, 34, for six years told Now magazine: “Looking back I can see all the signs: the mobile in his pocket at all times, the secretiveness, the frequent nights out with the boys.”

She explains that their relationship was put on strain by the birth of their first child Renai in 2005: “We started bickering and spending less time together and more time with friends. We still loved eachother but it was obvious that we were experiencing some serious problems.”

In July 2007, Sheri found a message on Delroy’s phone from a woman. After calling the number, she found out that he had been seeing the woman for two months, despite her knowing he was in a relationship.

Sheri said: “I called Delroy and left a tearful message saying I knew all about his affair. When he got home he tried to deny it but the game was up. He blamed our arguing for driving us apart.”

Delroy then moved out to his mum’s over the next few days.

Sheri added: “When i thought about Renai it changed everything. I desperately wanted her to have a proper family and owed it to her to work things out with her dad.”

She then took the difficult decision to work on their relationship, although his affair had made her more suspicious.

Two years on, the couple are still together, but Sheri says: “It frustrates Delroy that I’m still so suspicous, but I truly can’t help it. Our relationship will never be what it was, but I hope that with time I’ll forget.”

Should she have taken him back? Once A cheater, always a cheater?

Author of “Beat The Bitch! How To Stop The Other Woman Stealing Your Man,” Tess Stimson says once he’s done it, he’ll be tempted to do it again. She argues: “The more successful and powerful a man is, the more likely he is to cheat. Be alert to changes in his behaviour.

Weakness Short Movie

Tonight my husband for the first time in a long time actually tried to talk to me about the break down of our marriage. It might not be a break down in our marriage more I don’t let his stuff get to me anymore. I no longer yearn for his attention. Attention he worked really hard to withhold from me when I would be reaching out to him for years. Tonight he asked why I no longer have time for him. I didn’t know how to say my answer to him even though I know the answer all too well. For years he hasn’t had time for me. He hasn’t had time to listen when I had a bad day or a good day. He hasn’t had time to share much with me about his life outside of our home. So the answer is I am done waiting on you. Done, I am not exactly sure what all that entails but I am done hoping he would be the friend I had wished to have in a husband.  I am done wanting a husband who still took his wife out on dates. I am done yearning for a husband who understood me.  I am learning I care a little less right now.  What a scary place to be in. So this is my weakness right now.  It is just as vulnerable as it feels strong and assured.

I love it when other people share their insights about me because from them I learned that I’m a very interesting person to talk about and that I thank them for making me famous . For others, those nasty comments should be something to be alarmed about but for me, Hell No!!! They just prove themselves wrong, if I am indeed a B#%^@  why talk about me? you see it’s a sign of INSECURITY, they scrutinize others in order to gain attention, because they are not intelligent or gorgeous enough to get their own limelight, they are using me to gain/direct others attention to them (so unfortunate I get all the credit).. do I feel used? NO!!! definitely not… why? becuase it only shows me their true color….. black that is… hehehehehe

So last night was a gong show. Rozy and Adolofo broke up and it was because of me. Adolfo has a history of cheating and me and him had been talking a lot. It was completely innocent but he never even mentioned it to her and she felt like if he was hiding such a small thing from her what kind of big things is he hiding. So I was stuck at her house with no way to get home and I was having to spend the night and it was the most awkward thing ever. Rozy was downstairs screaming and crying on the phone to Adolfo and Adolfo was on facebook talking to me and telling me to tell Rozy things. I was stuck being the mediator again. I ended up actually calling Matt and asking him to take me home. I had no money for a cab, Rozy doesn’t drive and her bus route had stopped running. If I had any other way home I would have taken it. He came and took me home and I held it together and he cried for a change. I’m also in the middle of a fight between Rozy and Christine right now to. I’m helping Christine with her self worth issues and Rozy refuses to talk to her.

Tonight is Shelly’s birthday party and Rozy and Adolfo and Bobby are all going and its going to be a gong show I’m thinking. I’m kind of excited.

Question? Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Dig?!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I cheated on my boyfriend but now I want him back. I realized that the other guy that I was cheating with wasn’t that great so I really want to get back with my guy. He said okay we can get back together but the problem is that while we weren’t together (he broke up with me when he found out I cheated) he was constantly telling me how much he loved me and everything and that he wouldn’t see anyone else because he wanted to get back together.

Well the thing is, Tuffy, I just found out that he was talking to another girl while we weren’t together. He said he wouldn’t do that so now I feel like I can’t trust him. He told me about it because he said he feels bad about it but he says nothing happened, they just went out to dinner. But I’m so mad at him. He keeps apologizing but I feel like I need something bigger. Should I just get back with him like my heart wants or should I make him show he’s sorry first?

Please post this Tuffy; this is the third time I’m emailing you.

Gina

Dear Gina,

The reason I didn’t respond to your question the first two times was to spare you from what I was going to say. But, hey, if you insist:

This is totally effed. Sorry Gina, but you’re completely in the wrong here. I mean, you have got to be kidding me. You cheat on him, but he’s the one who’s supposed to beg your forgiveness?! That’s just messed upp.

So what do I think you should do?

Well, first of all, I think you should reconsider how you treat people you supposedly care about. Cheating is not okay. Sorry. It’s such an effed up thing to do. And then to demand he apologize to YOU just because he dated a little when you weren’t even together?! Not cool, girl. So not cool.

Yeah, I agree, if he said he was waiting for you, he shouldn’t have been dating. But you had already cheated on him! And you weren’t together! I mean, on what grounds are you saying YOU can’t trust HIM?! He even came clean to you about going out to dinner (horrors!)! What the hell more do you want?!

I don’t think you should take him back, Gina. No one deserves to be treated the way you’re treating him. Take a look at yourself and how you treat the people you love and make a decision to change. The way things are going, you’re not going to find yourself in a healthy relationship anytime soon. You get what you give.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Courtesy of iOwnTheWorld.com

Oh, please, don’t release the sex tape.  I never thought I’d utter those words.  But, no amount of Schadenfreude glee is worth seeing Letterman’s “moves” nor his “O” face.

Talk show host David Letterman fears sex tape leak

TALK-SHOW host David Letterman has been recorded on tape having sex with a female staff member – and he is worried that the footage will eventually be leaked, it’s reported today.

Letterman, 62, recently admitted to having a series of sexual relationships with some of the women that work for him.   The chat show host and a much-younger female co-worker have apparently been captured on a studio surveillance tape in a compromising position.

“If the tape makes its way into the criminal case, it’ll explode his marriage to smithereens,” a source told the National Enquirer magazine.  “It’s one thing for him to have publicly admitted to having had sexual relations with some women on his staff. It’s another to see him in the throes of passion with one of those women.

“Dave apparently didn’t know the location of the security cameras at his Late Show studio.”

Dave also apparently doesn’t know that you aren’t supposed to serially sexually harass women and creepily have sex with underlings willy nilly whilst fathering a child with someone else.

I am curious about one thing: Who was wearing the Palin wig? (you know one was involved; he’s obsessed.) Was it Dave or the girl?

My husband and I are members of a number of swinger personal sites, think of them as dating sites for swingers.  The various sites all have forums for posting questions, thoughts, raves, rants, events etc.  Recently on one site the forum for rants and raves has become an all out bashing of cheaters.  Not swingers who are cheating, but married men and women who seek out the swinger lifestyle and are cheating on their significant other.  One of the cheaters started a new thread attacking the swingers as hypocrites, accusing us of being cheaters with permission.  The individual used marriage licenses to prove her point, stating that there are only 2 names on the marriage license, not 3 or 4 or more.  In the past I have also seen marriage vows used as an argument to support that swingers are simply cheaters with permission.  I take issue with both, allow me to elaborate as to why.

First, the marriage license.  What is a marriage license/certificate? It is a legal document issued either by a church or state government that authorizes a couple (a man and woman in most states) to enter into marriage together.  If the couple and witnesses sign it after the ceremony it also serves as a record of the marriage taking place.  A marriage certificate is a record of the marriage.   Marriages are public record and those records are typically kept in the court documents of the county in which the marriage took place.  Yes it is true that the marriage is between two people. But all that does is legally bind them together as a couple for religious and legal reasons.  It also requires legal action and in some cases church action, to end the marriage as it is a legally binding contract.  No where on the marriage license or certificate is the matter of sex or sex with others mentioned.  It is a simple document stating the date the marriage took place, the names of the man and woman, witnesses names and signatures and the name and signature of whoever officiated the ceremony legally joining the two parties.  Marriage and sex are not the same thing.

As far as marriage vows, unless a couple opts to write their own vows for their wedding, they typically use a fairly standard set of vows as follows:

“I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.”

Or:

“I, ___, take you, ___, to be my husband/wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.”

No where in the standard vows is sex or faithfulness mentioned.  Certainly many do write their vows and add those points.   “I will honor you all the days of my life” is not about sex.  Honor is to hold something in high respect, but it does not have to do with sex with the spouse or anyone else.  So unless your marriage vows stated that you will be faithful to one another, that is a lame argument for saying swingers are cheaters with permission.

Even if your vows stated you’d be faithful, it is not being unfaithful to each other if together you have reached the decision that you want to participate in the swinger lifestyle and enjoy sex with someone other than your spouse.

Cheating is deception.  It means one party is doing something behind the back of another party.  If you cheat on your income tax you do not do with the IRS having knowledge or without their permission.  If you have permission it isn’t cheating.  If you cheat on an exam by using a cheat sheet, the professor is not aware you have the cheat sheet, you are doing it without the professor’s knowledge.  If you get caught you will not only fail but some schools will expel you.  You would not broadcast to the other party that you are cheating!  If you have permission to have notes to use on the test, then that is not cheating.

Swingers are not cheaters.  We are participating in a lifestyle with our significant others complete knowledge and permission.  Everything is open, honest on the table.  Honestly at all times is how it works, and WHY it works.  Nothing is hidden.  That is not cheating, it is not at all deceptive.  In most cases the spouses are in the same room as they enjoy watching their partner with another person in pleasure.

Now that said, there are individuals that gravitate to the swinger lifestyle that are in fact cheating.  Their spouse/partner is unaware that they are having sex or attempting to have sex, with someone else.  They do not tell their partner because that could cause the end of the relationship.  They have a story for where they were, what they did, and it is deceptive with the purpose of keeping their other half in the dark.  That is cheating.

I know why many are cheating, especially men.  They seek sex.  For whatever reason they are not getting it at home.  In my research for my show, My Naughty Little Secret, I asked many cheaters to share their stories with me.   For some their partner has lost interest in sex, or they are simply not getting it often (a few times a month to a few times a year) or the partner has medical issues…the reasons are varied and not the point of this writing.  My main question to them is what drew them to the swinger lifestyle to fill their need for sex in their cheating.  Why not go to a bar and pick up someone, or use a site that is specifically designed for such affairs?

The answers make a lot of sense really.  Within the swinger lifestyle, according to the research I have done, there is a far lower rate of STDs.  This is in part due to the fact that most swingers insist on using condoms for protection not only from pregnancy in a few cases, but also for protection against STDs.  While most know that it isn’t 100% fool proof, condoms DO provide a barrier against many sexually transmitted diseases.  Most swingers are very health conscious and see their doctors 2, 3, and some even 4 times a year for testing to ensure they have not contracted an STD.  And most swingers are selective in who they play with, have far less sexual partners than some would think, therefore IF they would contract an STD they have a limited number of persons they have to contact to back track the source. Granted there are some that are what I affectionately term the ’sport swingers’ that will play with anyone and everyone, but those are few and far between, and they tend to stay within their social circle of lifestylers that play this way as well.  It would be harder to track the source in those cases.

So that is one reason, the lower rate of STDs, that cause the cheater to come our way, as they have no desire to take home any souvenirs of their escapades.  Swingers are a community, fairly tight, and word travels fast. Those that contract something are usually fast to seek medical attention and inform play partners, keeping the risks lower. That is one secret we swingers are not willing to keep, if we learn of someone that has an STD it quickly becomes widely spread information.

There is also the issue of romance.  Most cheaters are not looking to replace their mates, just fill the sexual void in their lives.  They love their spouse but they do have physical needs and face it, taking matters into ones own hands is only so good for so long. They need the touch of another person and all that goes into a love making session.  The problem they find outside of the lifestyle is there is too much potential for emotions to become a part of their encounters.  Within the lifestyle we couples are not seeking to replace our mates. Emotions such as falling in love with a playmate have no place.  It is all about the no strings attached sex, period.  In the vanilla world around us, even though the single lady at the bar says she isn’t looking, she likely is seeking a long term relationship.  The cheater is looking to avoid such things.  He/she simply wants no strings attached sex with someone safe that is not going to turn all fatal attraction on them and tell their spouse or start stalking them.  As crazy as the movie was, I have first hand knowledge of such a thing happening to a friend. The playmate began stalking both him and his wife and things became very messy. To avoid this the cheaters seek our lifestyle where we understand how the whole no strings attached dynamic works.

The swinger lifestyle is a sexy, liberating place to be.  We dress sexy and are proud to show off our attributes.  We flirt and tease with others without the risk of a jealous spouse turning into a possessive green-eyed monster (or at least that is how it is supposed to work), it is a seductive atmosphere at our events and at the end of the evening everyone goes home with who they arrived with (though sometimes with a play partner(s) in tow for some extended fun).  For those seeking no strings attached fun it is like an 8yo being handed the keys to the toy store. This environment is a draw for the cheater seeking sexual freedom.

There is also the matter of discretion.  Outing another person in the lifestyle to someone outside of the lifestyle is a mortal sin within our community.  We protect each others identities and any personal information we come to know. We all have a story prepared, about how we know Dick and Jane should someone ask, that is believable and often contains just enough truth to keep it easy to remember for us, and very easy to accept for the one asking the question.  Since the cheater is trying to keep his/her affairs secret, the tight lips of the swinger community are also a draw.  They hope that those that know them within the community will keep quiet even if they likely do not approve.  I’ve seen this to be the case as well, where the swinger couple even knows the vanilla couple, and knows the spouse is cheating and doing so at swinger events, and yet they stay silent about the deception to the other half of the couple.  Right or wrong that is simply  how it is done.

I do not condone cheating, period.  I encourage the cheater to try every resource available to fix whatever is preventing them from getting their needs met or terminate the marriage/relationship.  As a rule I avoid playing with a cheater, though I have made exceptions. My advice to the cheater is to be upfront,  as it is those that were honest with me when I asked about their their marital status that were given at least some consideration if they were sexually appealing to me.

So dear swingers, that is what draws the cheater to our lifestyle.  And when weighing it out, while I cannot tell them what they are doing is ok or right, I can completely understand why they prefer to move within our circles to find what they need rather than in the local pub.

Hugs & LONG, slow licks,

Jaz

Do you take advantage of the free song that they offer on iTunes. It is a weekly song, but I am not sure when they post it, if it is Monday or Sunday. I don’t always remember to get it, do you? I just now set my calendar to remind me.

I actually haven’t remember that often, I have less than 40 songs, but of those 40 I have six that I absolutely love and listen to over and over. There are more out of the 40 that I like but there are 6 that I think are worth mentioning. And they range across the board and I like them for various reasons. Here they are in no particular order:

Song:                           Artist:

Neo Violence                 The Tough Alliance

Mr. Hurricane                Beast

Already Home               Ha-Ash

Cheater, Cheater          Joey & Rory

The Stoop                    Little Jackie

Wonderful                    Gary Go

I actually bought the entire Beast CD. It is very moving, I mean, for me, it makes me get up and dance. But not like bounce on your toes disco dance, more like pound-the-ground-get-up-get-down tribal dance or something.

I throw Neo Violence into my Nia routines because it has a very dicernible beat. Very catchy tune. Easy to dance, exercise, and workout too. (So is music from the Beast, but . . . the words might be a bit distracting in a Nia class.)

And the latest is Wonderful by Gary Go, kind of sounds like a lot artists out there now, but I love the words. “Say: ‘I am wonderful.’ You are a miracle.” “Don’t Stop to let it pass you by you gotta look yourself in the eye and say, I am wonderful!” “We are all miracles . . . .we are incredible.” Oh, I just love that!

So, what great find have you downloaded for free off of  iTunes? Any you love? Any you would like to tell us about?

There are those who would define themselves fairly easily. Spouse. Friend. Parent. Owner. Master. Humanitarian. Happy. Humble. I have never found it easy to define myself. Not in one word. Not in two. Hell, I probably couldn’t do it in 10. Not 10 words, not 10 sentences, not in 10 paragraphs or even in 10 chapters.

Holy shit, I doubt I could do it in 10 lifetimes.

Now, here’s the rub. If I can’t define myself, how is it that others seem to be able to accomplish my definition with such ease? As of late, I have had no shortage of labels thrust upon me. Everyone seems to have me all figured out. Figured out, boxed in, signed, sealed and delivered right to hell in a handbasket. Well, more like a basket case.

Basketcase?! Now seating Basketcase! Basketcase, party of one, your table is ready!

Of all the things I have been called in the years since birth, only a few have really struck me as memorably hurtful. Things that were said that have never been forgotten, no matter how much I have wanted to forget them. And you never forget the people who said them, either. Never. Not their voices, not their faces, not the scent in the air at the time or the smell of their breath as the words were uttered.

You may not know it, but it was you.

So I have decided to compile a list of how I have been defined. These items, in no particular order of occurence or impact, are the ways I have been defined that I remember the most. For those who said them, you know you said it. For those who didn’t, you know you didn’t. If you meant to be hateful and hurtful, you know it. If you didn’t, you know that, too. Maybe reading over such an uncomfortable list will give someone, anyone, a bit of clarity as to why I am the way I am, or who I have become. If it doesn’t, then you weren’t really interested in learning anything other than what you have already decided in your head is the definition of… me.

• victim
• hater
• fat ass
• waste of space
• waste of air that I breathe
• drama queen
• ugly
• bitch
• spiteful
• draining
• hateful
• bitter
• inconsiderate
• cunt
• frigid
• martyr
• self-serving
• selfish
• psycho
• over emotional
• over dramatic
• angry
• irresponsible
• surly
• awful
• bossy
• obtrusive
• troublesome
• worrisome
• fraudulent
• false
• liar
• cheater
• thief
• frustrating
• infuriating
• brat
• ungrateful
• whiny

and, and, and….

You are probably wondering why the list is so extensive and all negative. Well, since we are busy with definitions and perceptions, let’s call a spade a spade here. Let’s point out the elephant in the room. The 800 pound gorilla. Let’s just get it out.

Who the FUCK remembers the shit??

When you are defined by others on such a consistently negative level, why would you remember anything else? No one remembers being told they were pretty, generous, loving, funny or talented when it has only been sparsely peppered in with the types of descriptions on that list. What is the worst advertising a company can get? Bad word of mouth. Why? Because no one remembers positive when there is such an overwhelming abundance of negative. So when you absolve yourself of hateful, hurtful things you say and do with a rationalization that you have said and done good things as well, keep in mind what the truth of the matter is…

That is so much bullshit.

So call this what you will. Define this diatribe however the hell you want. Place labels all over it in any color marker or post-it note that strikes you. Whatever helps you sleep at night. I’ve been defined previously. This won’t be the last time. In words I have heard forever, but are now the catchphrase of our times, “It is what it is.” But here’s my point. No matter how the hell you or anyone defines me, I am what I am. And I am not changing for you or anyone else… Ever.

Take me or leave me.