Old news is better than no news!

Adrian Pearson over at the Journal appears to be reaching that Christmas hiatus and winding down gently with a recycled “cheeky story” about South Tyneside Conservative councillor David Potts, without mentioning the Conservative Candidate for Jarrow councillor Jeff Milburn. It’s old news but better than no news at all in a newsman’s blog, even clllr. Khan was on to it the next morning!

Big question is, who pointed Pearson to the picture and supplied details of the story? I somehow cannot imagine that he routinely follows the Tweets of David Potts, Ahmed Khan or all the other councillors on his north-east patch, but I could be wrong. However as Christmas approaches and political stories begin to run dry I guess  he just needs something to fill his time, and it gives me a good excuse to redistribute a picture of the Cheeky Girls.

Don’t they all look pretty?

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New tattoo at Pididdle!
The art of the tattoo has been drawn by me
the tattoo comes in shirt layer, and undershirt layer

SLURL: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Horst/65/240/22

<3 Bru

Au fost mai întâi nişte artişti cu ochii bulbucaţi care strigau „Am învins”. Urmează oameni pe tancuri, oameni pe străzi şi oameni cu steaguri fără stemă, oameni cu bucăţi de carton pe care scrie „Jos Asasinul”, tancuri, Miron Cozma cu portavoce, mineri, vandalizări, jandarmi gata de luptă, Bill şi Emil, Emil pe care îl strânge haina, drapelul Statelor Unite pe fundal, câteva raze de soare, copii care fug de blocurile urâte din spate, accidente, oribile accidente, morţi plânşi, proteste care se termină în flăcări, Michael Jackson, Preasfinţia Sa, un puşti care se agaţă de un băţ. În vârful băţului e o bucată de pânză albastră cu steluţe galbene. Uniunea Europeană.

Apoi: inundaţii, fotbal, bătăi la fundul gol şi lacrimi greu de explicat (obişnuiţii stadioanelor au sensibilităţi cronice şi complicate), miracolul maternităţii, tineri pe stâlpi, gata să sară, lăutari mici îngropaţi în bancnote mari, ziarişti care au fost în Irak şi s-au întors, doamna Mona Muscă la scena batistei, popa Daniel Exorcistul de la Tanacu, în drum spre puşcărie, o flegmă de la Marian Iancu, un pupic de la Cheeky Girls, un miliardar îngândurat şi o actriţă fericită, Doroftei – campion mondial şi găinile din Ceamurlia de Jos, omorâte şi aruncate în tomberoane, Ciomu, Poliţia Română în acţiune, Cristian Mungiu, Jane Fonda şi Marele Premiu de la Cannes, foamea, Petru Nica, hoţul mileniului, cel care a furat cincisprezece saci cu bani şi o sacoşică.

Iris, Papa Ioan Paul al II-lea şi Teoctist I, nişte luptători de K1, tovarăşul Nicolae Ceauşescu în balcon, rămas cu mâna în aer, într-un gest ce seamănă acum cu un „Adio”, Hagi după golul fantastic şi deloc întâmplător cu Columbia, Guru Bivolaru şi spiralele, splendide dansatoare şi un botez, Mama FNI şi înapoi în Piaţă, printre TAB-uri şi pumni ridicaţi a victorie.

Finalul vine cu vocea grea şi cunoscută a unui actor care spune: „Tu eşti România”. Colajul acesta de imagini durează două minute şi o secundă şi este difuzat de Pro TV. Peste imagini curge o melodie a Laurei Stoica. Laura (pe care o chema, de fapt, Laurenţia) a murit într-o noapte de martie, într-un accident rutier. Melodia este „Nicio stea”. Totul se încheie cu o întrebare puternică: „Eşti mândru de ce ai făcut în douăzeci de ani de libertate?”.

2009 e un an urât, dincolo de crize vechi. E un an urât pentru că obligă la un răspuns. Ce-am făcut în aceşti douăzeci de ani?

Ce avem? Lumină, căldură şi cuvinte mai libere, maşini mai multe şi mai mari, în care încap tristeţea, dragostea şi viaţa. Au murit cofetăriile, cu parfumul lor de iubire romantică şi ridicolă, şi s-au născut mallurile, strălucitoare şi impersonale. Au murit şi eroii. Acum ar fi trebuit să fie statui, bulevarde, adrese, dar noi… Noi n-am atins nicio stea.

* acest articol a fost publicat in ziarul adevarul, în data de 29.11.2009

Timișoreanul Darius Belu, caștigatorul ediției trecute la „Dansez pentru tine”, a folosit premiul in alt scop decat cel pentru care a luptat alaturi de Monica – Cheeky Girls, cei 60.000 de euro fiind motiv de dezbinare.

Anul trecut, Darius in vârsta de 19 ani, a impresionat milioane de români prin povestea lui emoționanta. Acesta pretindea ca iși doreste ca mama sa și frațiorul in vârsta de numai patru ani să aiba o locuinta și să aiba parte de un viitor lipsit de griji.
Timişoreanul a promis că, dacă va câştiga concursul, îi va cumpăra o casă mamei sale şi va achita datoriile familiei. Darius a câştigat, iar cei 60.000 de euro ar fi trebuit să`l ajute să`şi respecte promisiunile, însă nu a fost aşa.

De îndată ce a câştigat concursul, Darius a plecat la Londra, preferând să cumpere o locuinţă dărăpănată, pe care ulterior a renovat`o. În casă s`a mutat tatăl său, nicidecum mama, aşa cum Darius a promis la începerea concursului.

Părinţii lui sunt divorţaţi, motiv pentru care mama tânărului nu a beneficiat în niciun fel de ajutor. Sătulă să mai muncească pe 300 de lei pe lună, mama lui Darius, Daniela Belu, a plecat în Olanda. Aceasta munceşte într`un azil în schimbul a 800 de euro pe lună. Tragedia este cu atât mai mare cu cât fratele mai mic a lui Darius, Dani, a rămas acasă, cu bunicii. „De când a plecat la Londra, nu îl mai recunosc. Înainte stătea mai tot timpul acasă, însă acum am aflat că, până la finalul anului, rămâne la Londra, că are multe petreceri de onorat. Acasă o să vină două`trei zile de Crăciun“, a spus bunica lui Darius, Anica Andor.
„Mama lui Darius încearcă să rezolve problemele cu actele, ca să`l ia şi pe frăţiorul lui Darius în Olanda. Ne este greu la toţi“, a adăugat bunica, având lacrimi în ochi, arătându`ne pantofiorii primiţi de la Londra pentru băieţelul de patru ani. Din câte ştiu rudele, casa din Timişoara în care stă tatăl lui Darius Belu a costat doar 30.000 de euro.
Câştigătorul de la „Dansez“ şi`a mai cumpărat un Volkswagen, iar cu restul banilor s`a dus în Marea Britanie.

Right, so it’s the start of a new week. Where X factor is concerned, the big question on everyone’s mind is whether or not Louis’ final group act- John and Edward, will survive another week.

So far, they’ve sailed through each round. From singing Robbie Williams to Britney Spears, the twin act is one of sheer comedy. We at home know that the minute the pair are in the bottom two and the choice is left in the hands of the judges, their on stage lifeline will be cut.

X factor judge Simon, has made no secret of his dislike of the comical act, threatening to leave the show if the pair won as stated on the BBC website.

John and Edward have been widely criticised for their inability to sing. Although Louis has always been supportive of the pair, week after week, there is a consensus amongst the other judges- the pair can’t sing.

However, before Louis took over in the final round of judge’s decisions, both Cheryl and Dani supported the act. Whether or not it was a tactical decision or purely to annoy Simone, we’ll never know.

What we do know however, is that the pair have come a long way and pushed out some of the stronger contestants, highlighted in the Danyl vs Miss Frank week.

Louis puts their success down to their “likeability” factor. However, the crowds at the live show suggest otherwise with constant booing whilst the twins are on set. Although there may be some truth in Louis words. Where John and Edward are concerned, the phrase “love to hate” and “hate to love” springs to mind.

What’s more, if one were to look at past X factors, there’s a resemblance between John and Edward and the Cheeky girls. Both are a twin act, neither of the acts are great vocalists yet both went on to be successful.

It’s the comedy that John and Edward bring to the show that has kept them in the running. In a Britain that’s still battling to get out of the recession, we could all do with a laugh or two.

Astă vară am fost într-o vizită la mama. Mama are peste 70 de ani şi îşi cumpără foarte des ziarul Libertatea. Unul din aceste ziare avea şi suplimentul cu Ghidul programelor TV, pe coperta căruia apărea una din Cheeky Girls (nu ştiu care dintre ele … dacă ai văzut-o pe una, le-ai văzut pe toate).

Nu vreau să fiu rău, dar ce caută una din Cheeky Girls pe coperta de la Ghidul TV din Libertatea în 2009? Parcă au avut UN Hit britanic (uuurrrggghhh) în vara anului 2006 … şi NU AU MAI FĂCUT ABSOLUT NIMIC DE ATUNCI.

Cui pasă de Cheeky Girls în 2009? Cine au fost şi cine sunt Cheeky Girls? Ce reprezintă ele pentru România la ora actuală, sau chiar, de ce pretind că reprezintă România afară? Eu NU VREAU ca ELE să reprezinte România afară!

Se pare însă că nu avem vedete proprii sau pepiniera de vedete sau cultul vedetelor adevărate, dacă presa este atât de reticentă încât se pune accentul pe proiecte muzicale care au avut mega-succes cu O piesă sau cu UN mesaj la un moment dat … dar cu o rândunică nu se face primăvară!

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De multe ori mi se pare că cele mai nereprezentative personalităţi sunt alese să fie împinse în faţă de către mass media!

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Agresivitatea mediatică lipsită de logică sau de bun gust de atâţia amari de ani deja mă apasă prea tare. Mă feresc de reclamele la televizor sau la radio deja de câţiva ani de zile (nu vi se pare enervant când este o piesă preferată la radio, care începe cu câteva secunde înainte de ora fixă, cum ar fi In A Glimpse, de la Grimus, la Radio Guerrilla şi este tăiată pentru publicitate, iar publicitatea îţi ţipă prin încăperile casei mult mai tare la radio decât muzica. Vi se pare normal? Mie NU!) şi nu scap de ea nici pe stradă.

Pe stradă, în ultimele luni, observ panouri imense cu reclama de la Vodafone, în care se văd două persoane desenate în caricatură, care fac un schimb de replici. Nu există un singur afiş de acest gen unde să recunosc personajele desenate (exagerez, a fost un singur caz unde am recunoscut personajele, pentru faptul că eram în staţia de autobuz şi am citit numele scrijelite mic sub figurile lor, într-un font ce imita un stil de graffiti). Am discutat chiar cu un taximetrist despre aceste panouri, iar reacţia lui a fost că nici nu le-a observat.

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Ce vreau să vă explic este faptul că am impresia că Bucureştenii trăiesc în lumea lor (un exemplu aici ce îl pot da din nişa de underground este cu albumul solo de la chitaristul din Kumm … anul trecut Circa 7 a lansat un album la care s-a făcut un turneu de promovare prin trei cluburi pe plan local … şi atât; la EMIL, din primele 107 de concerte susţinute până în prezent – şi excluzând cântările pe Litoral rezolvate prin aceeaşi patroni de club din capitală, au avut 21 de ieşiri din Bucureşti, adică în nouă ani de activitate, mai puţin de 20% din cântările lor au fost în afara Bucureştiului).

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Bucureştenii sunt autosuficienţi, iar prin autosuficienţa lor trăiesc cu impresia că arta lor nu este apreciată în ţară, nu se vinde în ţară, nu este căutată în ţară.

Şi AU DREPTATE. Nu vrem şi nu avem nevoie de arta VOASTRĂ!

Ignoranţa vine din partea lor, prin faptul că nu fac nici un efort să îşi promoveze arta şi în ţară. Majoritatea judecă fals şi superficial că dacă te-ai lansat la Bucureşti, eşti vedetă în România.

Vedetele din Bucureşti sunt vedete false. Mă uitam recent printr-o revistă tipărită la Bucureşti, cu redacţie de Bucureşti, dar care se vinde pe plan naţional. Scuză-mă, dar mie nu îmi pasă de galeria de artă X sau ce se întâmplă în veceul public de la staţia de metrou Y. ABSOLUT DELOC.

Dar asta nu înseamnă că nu îmi pasă de artă sau că sunt un incult.

La fel cum nici MITICII nu sunt inculţi prin faptul că ignoră 80% din populaţia ţării prin proiectele lor, sau le prezintă la modul în care la 80% din ţară nu ajunge informaţia … şi probabil că şi din cei 20% ţintiţi în campaniile media, nu toţi agrează ce citesc sau ce văd sau ce ascultă acolo.

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PĂREREA MEA DESPRE Vara Ispitelor

Mai ţine minte cineva emisiunea Vara Ispitelor de la ProTV din 2001, prezentată de bistriţenii flegmatici de la Cassa Loco? Această emisiune a avut cele mai mari cifre de vizionare din istoria televiziunii post-decembriste.

MediaPro Music a făcut chiar o compilaţie cu vedetele semnate la ea, ca să capitalizeze maximum posibil de pe numele emisiunii pe moment.

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Cu această parte din articol, continuăm recenzia compilaţiei, care altfel ar fi devenit nejustificat de lungă. RECENZIA O PUTEŢI CITI DÂND CLICK AICI.

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Mai ştie cineva ceva de Amadeus? Mai aud de ele o dată la doi ani, pe la un Festival de bere. Nu am nici un album cu fetele care cântă la vioară, dar bănuiesc că toate piesele seamănă cu cea de pe această compilaţie, 4×4, care o poţi asculta liniştit în lift sau în sala de asteptare la stomatolog. În SUA, ce fac ele se numeşte elevator music, sau AM Radio music. La noi, foarte probabil cântă în deschidere la petrecerile de firme multinaţionale prin Bucureşti sau la Poiana Braşov, în cele 40 de minute în care lumea soseşte, îşi lasă blana la garderobă, serveşte un pahar de şampanie şi dă mâna cu colegii înainte să înceapă cheful cu manele.

Amadeus a fost un proiect deosebit de fete (girlband), produs de Adrian Ordean, în anii în care se promova la greu muzica proiectelor de fete, în special la MediaPro Music, care probabil aveau în vedere şi imaginea trupelor pe sticlă (ProTV) sau în revistă licenţiată de Grupul de care aparţineau, pentru România (Playboy). Amadeus nu se integra în fenomenul girlband, nu puteai spune de ele că fac playback şi oricât de Pop ar suna piesele, sunt interpretate pe instrumente clasice, greu de mânuit. În acelaşi timp, şi ele pot purta fuste scurte, transparente, etc.

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Fenomenul girlband la noi a fost iniţiat la nivel de casă de discuri (cum a fost Spice Girls pentru Virgin/ EMI, aşa a fost A.S.I.A. pentru MediaPro Music). A.S.I.A. este chiar proiectul care deschide compilaţia. De la ele a pornit valul girlband autohton care ne-a inundat cel puţin prima jumătate a deceniului actual la radio şi televizor.

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Înainte să apară A.S.I.A., am avut parte de trei constănţence descoperite de Costi Ioniţă şi aduse la Bucureşti, prin MediaPro. Trioul Exotic s-a destrămat. Andreea Bănică a prins aripi după ce s-a dezbrăcat pentru Playboy, probabil devenind cea mai populară exotică în rândul masculilor. Împreună cu Cristina Rus (ex-Sing Sing BB şi backing vocal la Desperado) formează Blondy. „Prietenele” rămase la Exotic merg mai departe în formulă de duo şi îşi spun Sexxy. Publicul nu a reacţionat în nici un fel. Industria era tânără, şi ambele proiecte au avut multe solicitări în continuare. Nu aveau trupe de spate şi se mergea cu CD-ul pretutindeni. Aceste proiecte „eficiente” au dat tonul pieţei de duete şi triouri femenine (ca organizator, nu ai costuri mari legate de transport, cazare, masă; din punct de vedere al artistului sau producătorului, banii se împart între mai puţine persoane şi toţi încap într-o maşină, fără problemele legate de căratul sculelor sau adunarea şi grija kilometrilor de cabluri).

Sexxy se prezintă aici cu o piesă proastă. Lumea se uita la aceste fete voluptuoase, semi-dezbrăcate pe scenă, fără să le asculte muzica. De aceea nu se cumpărau albumele. Aceste proiecte lansau albume care erau cumpărate pentru un singur Hit, ascultate o singură dată,  şi erau aruncate sau făcute cadou mai departe, după ce se copia Hitul în format mp3.

Producătorii de discuri din România (indivizi pasionaţi de muzică, cu afacere proprie, nu au realizat că pe termen lung ei singuri se săpau cu treaba asta. Omul de rând cumpăra un album, două, vedea că nu merită … şi nu mai cumpăra deloc albume. Îşi descărca de pe net muzica ce îi plăcea, sau împrumuta mp3urile de la prieteni. Treaba cu muzica în România a murit la foarte scurt timp după ce s-a lansat piaţa muzicală din sectorul privat (în anii 90, pirateria fiind necontrolată, iar după 1996, legea dreptului de autor fiind prost implementată şi în continuare perfectabilă … sau neadaptată sistemului nostru de lucru).

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Alize. Evrika. Am si uitat ca au existat la un moment dat şi aceste girlbande, care promovau un Pop lipsit de personalitate. Sexul se vinde şi casele de discuri de la începutul mileniului în România nu au ştiut să capitalizeze pe termen lung de pe acest fenomen. Cel mai concret exemplu este chiar cel de faţă, MediaPro Music, care şi-a dat singură la gioale, fabricând trupe de fete pe banda rulantă în goana după bani (duete, triouri, cvartete … tinere, drăguţe … sau mai puţin drăguţe … foarte fardate, prost fardate, îmbrăcate fistichiu sau kitschos de către Janine, nevasta creatoare de modă a marelui mogul de media, Adrian Sârbu, la vremea respectivă).

Piaţa a fost suprasaturată de PROiecte care per ansamblu semănau prea mult între ele şi ca muzică (vasta majoritate fiind lipsită de o linie muzicală), şi ca timbru vocal (nu ţin minte nici o formaţie de fete care să iasă în evidenţă prin calităţi deosebite la voce). Neavând o amprentă proprie, ceva care să le dea acea notă originală, au dispărut toate, sau s-au certat/despărţit pentru a încerca cariere solo, având încredere în talentele proprii (care lipseau cu desăvârşire, spre deosebire de ego-ul supraumflat – ca la noi la nimeni) după care dispăreau, sau fiecare forma o nouă trupă, de gen eurodance sau manea disco. Singurele care mai ies în evidenţă pe moment sunt cele care se dezbracă pentru Playboy.

Aproape toate trupele de fete aveau pe cineva care le compunea muzica şi cineva care le scria versurile (totul îmi sună a tradiţia muzicii uşoare ante-Puci de la Mamaia, uuurrrggghhh! blea!).

Cele mai impresionante nume din culise le-am găsit … la cel mai insipid duet dintre toate, Indiggo (versuri, de Dinu Olăraşu; muzica de Adrian Ordean) … ca să vezi unde poată să apară numele acestor artişti care în mod normal se asociază cu muzica cântată Live.

Indiggo are cea mai proastă piesă de pe compilaţie, şi ca linie melodică (ceva între tradiţional, manea şi eurodance) şi ca fenomen vocal. Cred că aici este vorba de părinţi cu bani şi fete netalentate cu un vis orb, stimulate într-o direcţie greşită, pentru cele mai greşite motive. Părinţii sunt de vină, iar Indiggo rămâne insipid şi în ziua de azi, în sensul că duetul mai activează … peste ocean … dar, spre deosebire de celelalte trupe de fete de pe compilaţia A fost Vara Ispitelor (2001), care au puţină voce (vrând-nevrând), astea nu aveau nici corp, nici voce – deloc.

DAŢI CLICK AICI SĂ VEDEŢI CUM NE FAC DE RUŞINE LA AMERICANI.

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Sunt curios cum ar suna o colaborare între Indiggo şi Moood … probabil ceva cu mulţi de „g” şi „o” … OhMyInomodigGod.

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Daca tot era vorba de o emisiune cu rating record, nu cred că ar fi contat piesele care erau adunate pe compilaţie. În acest sens, întreb retoric, de ce nu au încercat totuşi să promoveze ceva mai de calitate … sau să fie presărată compilaţia şi cu muzică mai de calitate? Producătorii din Bucureşti au intrat singuri într-un cerc vicios din care nu mai putem scăpa. Muzica e din ce în ce mai proastă; lipsesc cu totul trupele de calitate din catalogul coloşilor din Bucureşti, care influenţează piaţa muzicală. Se promovează în continuare NUMAI muzica de consum. Lumea în general, care nu este pasionată în mod deosebit de muzică, fiind procupată cu multe alte activităţi mai importante pe listele lor de priorităţi, cum ar fi Shoppingul, ascultă numai muzică proastă şi îşi formează urechea şi stilul de dans la discotecă, cu datul din şolduri, pe anumite ritmuri.

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Trecuseră 12 ani şi piaţa muzicală autohtonă începuse să involueze înloc să evolueze.

Punctul de plecare a generaţiei de tineri de acum 10 ani a fost de la un nivel mai ridicat decât este acum.

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Este incredibil câtă promovare s-a făcut la ProTV pentru A.S.I.A. acum 10 ani. Erau peste tot. Apoi, când s-a tot schimbat componenţa într-o vreme, s-a organizat şi seria de etape de concurs televizată pentru înlocuirea primei fete plecată din componenţă … totul s-a diluat. Toată campania media s-a dovedit în zadar pe termen lung. Impactul a fost strict pe moment. Timp de un an, fetele mergeau pe bani mulţi la Baluri de boboci … ah, uitasem, şi şi-au permis să ducă cu ele o trupă de spate. A meritat toată campania media pentru un an sau doi de activitate? Mai poate cineva fredona altă piesă de-a lor, în afară de

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De ce fac românii astfel de lucruri? Se pierd în detalii neimportante şi când este să facă o treabă mare, cu impact pe termen lung, se trag pe cur, intervine nesiguranţa sau nepriceperea şi se complac în situaţia în care se află … ne împotmolim într-o mediocritate a vedetelor sezoniere. Singurele vedete adevărate la noi sunt Traian Băsescu şi Gigi Becali. Oare fetele astea (cele şase sau şapte) care au trecut prin Asia, îşi dau seama că nu există nici un fel de urmă scrisă a carierei lor pe internet? Dacă nu exista YouTube, nu găseşti absolut nimic despre ele aici. Mie mi se pare incredibil, la nivelul de succes cu pompa, de care au avut parte acum 10 ani în România, informaţiile despre acest proiect (lansat înainte ca netul să ajungă în case la oameni şi la noi) să fie minime. Noi avem o istorie de mii de ani, şi nu ştim să ne promovăm talentele, oricare ar fi ele. Americanii în schimb au o istorie de cel mult 400 de ani, şi fiecare pas artistic este documentat la orice trupă care intră în primele 40 de locuri în clasamentul de vânzări sau de difuzări la radio.

By popular demand I have decided to dish the dirt on my summer. I have been home for a month now and I am almost able to reminisce without crying and wishing I could do it all over again.

Over the summer I took a road trip around the states. The route we ended up taking was from Atlanta GA, to Texas, to LA then Vegas and back down to Atlanta. We then went up to New York and back to Atlanta before coming back home. A staggering drive clocking up 7000miles on our carbon footprint (minus flights).

Summer in the States

 The 30something weeks that we spent planning the trip felt like a lifetime and in hindsight was a total waste of time… but on the bright-side this was our first lesson learned – no point in making plans… they never work out anyway.

 Who’s Who:  

• Narelle (Me)
• Jade, my cousin who lived stateside for 12years
• Lisa and Danielle… two of my three best friends (Jenna couldn’t make it this time)

  Jade flew to Atlanta, Georgia a week before Lisa and I to spend some time with her family before our trip.

 Lisa’s mum picked me up two and a half hours before our flight and headed to Glasgow Airport. On our way she announced to us that for flights stateside you had to check in three (not two) hours before departure… great just what we wanted to hear.

 In the car… half thinking we weren’t going to get to go we made a back up plan… fly to Ibiza and stay there for the summer if they won’t let us in to the states.

 When we got to the airport the panic over was over – they are allowing us to fly despite previous concerns.

jetting of to the states

 We got on our first flight to Philadelphia (the home of the steak sanny and Rocky) and we are not sitting together. The old couple in-between us only had to swap one seat (they would still be sitting together) in order to allow us to sit beside each other – but they refused. So we WARNED them if you don’t swap we will be shouting over you the whole flight and passing things back and forward… and that is exactly what they did. And at the same time hopefully taught a couple of old buddies a lesson. Lol… why must they be so stubborn?

When we got to Philadelphia and I was gutted that we didn’t get to see Rocky Balboa or at least have time to run up the stairs… oh well maybe next time. At Phili we were clearly the only tourists… the only people with passports in an airport – nuts! From Phili we flew to Atlanta Georgia, aka THE SWEATBOX.

 Atlanta

 Atlanta Hartsfeild Jackson Airport is the busiest in the world and is like the crystal maze… as Lisa and I have absolutely no sense of direction and were sweating the bit out we decided it best to follow a guy we recognised from our flight.

 Due to the sheer size of the place we had to get on a train inside the airport to get our luggage… which isn’t the easiest thing to do in 100degree weather and whilst trying to stalk some (in the beginning) unsuspecting traveller.

 Following the guy was the start of the hilarity. The train kept stopping and he got off to let someone else off… we followed. Then he got back on… we followed – not obvious at all. Then the train stops and he gets off… this time for good and we follow him. He starts walking faster, so do we and he keeps looking back – with a look of terror on his face. He clearly knew we were following him, but surely he could figure out why – we only wanted to get our luggage… with his reaction you would think we wanted to jump his bones.

 I mean I understand we were not quite looking our best with the 24hours of travelling and sweating the bit out in the most humid place in the world but come on boy!

 My LITTLE cousin Mark came to get us at the airport… whilst collecting our luggage we were trying to resist the urge to shout bomb in the airport: apparently they don’t take kindly to that stateside. People in Atlanta drive like head cases: our first week there flew in.

 Our first night out didn’t quite go as planned… jet lag meant that I was steaming after about three drinks – Lisa and I were also five hours ahead, not only in time but the amount of time it takes the Southerners to get a sentence out: it can prove to be rather time consuming.

Anyway we went downtown Atlanta to go to a club, Opera I think, with Bridgette (US G BFF) and Brandy (Drama Queen). It was like being out with the paparazzi – the American girls sure like taking pics. Brig was driving and trying to find where we were going was so funny. We were so drunk and bursting we had to stop and pee behind a petrol station… all of us. Lol. Eventually found the club, I went in first but Lisa was 20 at the time and apparently you need to be 21 stateside. Lisa’s argument at the door was repeatedly… ‘but I’m 20’ – doesn’t matter Stella, that’s like arguing you are 17 trying to get in to a club in the UK.

Lisa, Jade and Brig on our first night out in Atlanta

 As the girls wouldn’t be too happy if I went without them I came back out. In the car park we asked a girl where else we could go… mid conversation we see a tear tat on her face… hmm why does that look familiar and what does it mean? We later found out that it apparently means that you have killed someone… okay lucky we didn’t take her advice as to where to go.

Jade & I on our first night in Atl

 We ended up in a dingy bar on our first night called the Highland Grill (I think)… however the night was by no means a total loss. At the bar we met Jade’s ex and his friends.

 Jade’s ex (Jordan G aka Napoleon Dynamite: to be named and shamed) will come in to our trip later but on this night was actually really funny. He was eating some weird shit and kept saying ‘Jesus’ whilst trying to understand our jokes. But he was by no means the highlight… also got to meet his friend Aaron (aka Dennis).

 So… Jade kept trying to tell jokes (Jade is the worst joke teller that side of the Campsies, which is some distance lol) to try to distract me I think. But I could not be fooled. Every single guy we met or even whose name came in to conversation Jade had went with. Lol. Word on the street is that it’s why she actually had to move back to Scotland – because she had went with every guy in the state of Georgia.

 The drink police were out that night… I got a drink at the bar – Lisa had a sip of it and they were all over her like the chicken pox. The drink thing was one of the big things for Lisa to get used to stateside… having been going out drinking since we were 15… being 20 and being told she couldn’t drink did not go down well.

 Luckily for us they couldn’t understand a word of the sheer cheek she gave them. Lol.

 That night came to a close… we all went back to Jade’s to stay and heard all Brandy’s gossip… man the American girls can be dramatic. Lol.

 Our first week in Atlanta ended up being one house party after another courtesy of Bridgette – the Queen of finding parties (thanks babe).  At one of the parties I learned to play my first game of ‘Beer Pong’ (An American drinking game which was at the centre of every house party we went to… sucked for me as I was crap at it, lol.

 At that same party (I think Cody’s party) Lisa and I gave a stand up comedy show… apparently they don’t tell jokes stateside – so they loved us. Lol. That night Lisa and I also went on a double date to – wait for it…. Waffle House! – class was just oozing out of us the whole time we were there. Oh we were also told that we were the best people that they had ever met… and soaked it in like a sponge. Lol.

Lisa & I double dating at Waffle House

 We also had pant party that night at Bridgett’s where we spent the night… Brig won sexiest.. although I think mine were cutest – unfortunately Jade destroyed all pics of it so my word will need to do. And got to see the crazy side of Brig at that party. She lost her phone and freaked out… starting going through people’s bags and told a girl she was going to kick her friends ass! Crazy Americans… why don’t you just look for it? Lol. Staying at Bridgett’s we wound up having to sleep in her brother’s jiz ridden bed… where Lisa thinks she could have gotten pregnant. Lol.

 The heat in Georgia isn’t the same as the heat here or on holiday… it is so humid and makes you feel like you can’t really get a breath. Due to this breathlessness feeling I am pretty sure it made me boy crazy – that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it. Lol.

 So… went to Brig’s Gran’s pool the next evening to try to cool down and put ended up getting up to no good. Bit of boozing, smoking and skinny-dipping resulted in us putting on a talent contest… whereby we performed our rendition of ‘The Cheeky Girls’ – needless to say we hit it out of the park. Lol. Also played the ‘n game’ that night… don’t try it – it will drive you crazy… I’m still thinking of ‘n’ things to this day. We also got ripped off that night… that’s all I can really say about that – but I developed my first US hatred… damn that boy (well my second if you count Bush) lol.

 Another of our Atlanta parties was an all day shout. There was a pool party during the day… whereby I ended up steaming. Before going we went to get drink and spent $100plus on booze – we said at the time… of this runs out then we are clearly alcoholics and need some help – it ran out: didn’t get help just had to get more booze.

 During the day of our drinking sesh we had the pleasure of Aaron’s company along with his slightly odd friend Jordan K. Brig warned us before hand that he doesn’t talk much and that he likes football (not American but real football or soccer as they like to put it). So I spent around an hour burning his ear… at least I managed to entertain myself… won’t talk me to Jordan – that’s fine – doesn’t meant I won’t talk to you!

 There was a pool Nazi there though… my 2^nd US feeling of hate and where I got my only regret of the entire trip! If I could turn back time I would go back and push her in the pool. It did cross my mind at the time but I didn’t have the balls. Damn it.

 Aaron… who despite talking ridiculously slow was quite entertaining and good to look at, lol.

What I meant by Aaron being nice to look at

 We wound up at Brig’s Gran’s house for the party that night… which is also Jordan G’s house, Jade’s ex and Napoleon look alike. It was a rather scary house… which an actual deer head mounted on the wall and a death step which I fell victim to after a few more bevies. Specifically strawberry daiquiris which we made extremely strong as I didn’t Lisa had already put the vodka in… so we ended up with a double dose. Lisa also had a mini drama in trying to find a blender which she was not happy about… what kind of place has an actual nut cracker but no blender? Lol.

Lisa and the Deer head

 At this party Aaron helped me break in to a room to see Brig do it. He took Lisa and I where the crazy ass dogs were and I feared for my life in order to see her in bed. Anyone who would help me break in to a bedroom to watch someone do it is more than okay in my book. Lol.The other events of that evening which kept me entertained included a game of beer pong (which I didn’t win), a diabetic guy getting really angry and storming off claiming he is not coming back… but then was like “Fuck… I’m only back for my insulin!” lol. Ha! Jade taking a dump and broadcasting it and Lisa getting a KB. Lol. As well as seeing Jade naked.

 That night a certain someone in the aftermath was an asshole… but he later gets what is coming to him. He was also a bit of a douche to Lisa… and it takes a lot to upset my gal but he managed to. SHAME ON YOU! But to be fair… when I fell up the death step we did help me and get me a replacement drink after soaking myself.

Whilst in GA we also went to Athens (the college town) to see Emily and co. and we had a blast. We went to a party and I won my first game of beer pong… wuhu!

Brig getting up to no good

 Although I loved this party everyone else hated it and we had to leave … but I had a great time despite the guys being a tad sleazy. But then we got to go hag with Emily’s boyfriend and friends… they were such fun and we loved them!

 They were the only ‘American boys’ who kissed us hello… apparently the Americans don’t do that. I actually didn’t realise I did it so much until I kept going in for a kiss and not getting anything back. Lol. Brig was hilarious in Athens… and a bit of a hoe!… wuhu – go Brig taking one for the team! Oh I also loved the guy who made me breakfast… those were some great eggs – thanks Miami boys! And thanks Emily… we had a great time.

Athens

 We were staying at Jade’s in Atlanta and whilst there we witnessed the most ridiculous argument I have ever heard in my life. To understand you will first need to envision a two year girl who has been spoiled rotten and is acting like a total brat. Now envision that little brat in the body of a 40plus, 6ft tall man – you have just met Jade’s dad. When Jade was living stateside she had an American accent, since coming home she has gotten back her Scottish accent, which to most people makes sense.

 Not to Jade’s crazy assed Dad. He actually believes that Jade was putting on her Scottish accent just to annoy him because ‘everyone in Scotland hates him’; hmm wonder why? He actually thinks that the whole world revolves around him.

 But Jade’s dad wasn’t the only person who was hard work… her uncle also was less than pleasant. To be fair to him he sorted out our car that we took on out road trip… which would have been helpful – hadn’t the car been a heap of shit. Lol. But it was the ‘Shaggin Waggin’ and we had some great times in it… as well as some near death experiences. Lol.

In Atlanta it was great getting to know Mark and Megan again… love you guys, thanks for keeping me entertained and being so good to me. But I think this is where I started to put on my weight via my aunt Catherine’s cooking… which is by far the best cooking ever.

mosquitoes love me

My only real problem in Atlanta was that the mosquitoes absolutely love me! I had at one point 30 bites on my body! I used bucket loads of repellent and tried to stay inside at key mosquito times but they got me regardless. Lisa and Jade’s bathroom habits, announcements and photo taking also gave me the boke! We also got some shopping done in Atlanta which was fun… especially our remake of American girl style in Macys.

Dress up in Macys

 As Lisa is a dumbass she had to cut her part of our trip short and had to leave Atlanta after one week due to a failed placement. So for Lisa’s last night Jade, Lisa, Brig and I went out for dinner and drinks and wound up dining with the first of the several potential serial killers we met whilst stateside. He comes up and said that he is waiting on his friend and asked if he could wait with us… we stupidly said yes – although he did provide some entertainment. It turned out that he had been stood up as his girl friend who in his words was ‘out fucking someone else’. Then his fat friend shows up and starts rapping. Yes you read right actual real rapping… both a variety of popular rap music and material he had written on his own (no joke). Keep in mind this was in a restaurant. One of the strangest things I have ever experienced.

 Taking Lisa to the airport was sad for me… she is my BFF and I love her like fat kids love cake… Bye Stella and hello road trip!

On the road

 Texas

On our three day drive to LA, our first stop was Dallas, Texas – and we loved it! On Aaron’s instruction we were giving the Longhorn sign to pretty much everyone, lol, and mostly got a good response. Dallas was fun and the Texan boys were sweethearts but despite what they say not everything is bigger in Texas… ask Jade – she did the leg work. Lol.

 Our second days drive and lone behold we are still in Texas – do not underestimate the sheer size of the place as you will be in it for what feels like a lifetime. Heading in to the desert and our air con breaks… it was 100plus degrees and we were in the middle of no where. It was so hot I had to strip down to my pants and try to think cool thoughts.

Whilst I’m lying in my pants with no AC Jade is ripping the arse out of the Shaggin Waggin and a funny noise starts… I said to her about it and she blames the texture of the road. Then all of a sudden a massive bang and black smoke was coming from the back of the car… we pulled over and our back tyre was no longer on the car… it was ripped to shreds and lying all over the interstate – Shit.

 So we get the spare out the boot and its one of those ‘only for temporary use’ tyres… Jade made me put my dress back on – although I think the lack of it would have helped our hitchhiking. After getting all the tyre change stuff out when then discover than neither of us know how to change a tyre.

Time to flag a car for some help… however as I said we were in the desert and there were not many passers by. But help as we discovered is like buses… none for ages then three guys stop to help at the same time. And they were the ideal people who you want to stop and help… they were strong, sweet and so sexy – kind of rough looking (and here is the heat making me boy crazy again). The boys put the temp tyre on directed us to where we could get a new one put on (Big Springs).

 Big Spring is like a place out of a movie… where they all know each other by name – and where we experienced one of many ‘dumb American’ moments.

 Whilst waiting on our tyre being changed… we went to Walmart as I needed a UK to US travel adapter. I asked the shop assistant where it was and she literally pointed in two different directions and said “over there”… oh I’m sorry where? Again pointing in different directions “over there” – okay you are clearly a fruit cake.

 Then we went to pizza hut for a bite to eat and I asked for a cheese pizza… I was told “we don’t do that”… the women clearly either didn’t understand what I was saying or just wasn’t listening as I said it again and again I was told that in Pizza Hut they don’t do a cheese pizza – another ‘dumb American’ moment.

 Back on the road and as Texas is the size of the UK we spent another night there… this time in El Paso. In Texas is where we got ghetto and had to motel it up! – Beggars can’t be choosers: so we were Super 8 right out our tats!

 Driving to El Paso we kept seeing signs that read:

 “WARNING PRISON AREA DO NOT PICK UP HITCHHIKERS”

 Which as you can imagine is just what we want to see in the middle of the desert late at night in our dodgy Shaggin Waggin.

 El Paso, Texas, was a little like a third world country. We were on interstate 10 West and you go right down to the Mexican border. We didn’t go out in El Paso… although we are Glasgow Girls even that was a little rough for us. Lol.

 But that night Jade and I were in bed (Jade likes to share a bed with me… despite there being two double beds there – lezzy bitch. Lol.) and I wake up startled because I felt a nip on my neck… initially I thought it may have been Jade trying to give me a nookie… but it wasn’t. I went to the bathroom and had three large bumps on the back of my neck… they looked like more mosquito bites but they were really painful and hard.

spider bite !

We went to the chemist and met more dumb Americans. The pharmacist advised that it looks like a spider bite but that he doesn’t know which kind of spider… and that some spider bites could kill you. He then said that he doesn’t really know as he doesn’t have much experience with spider bites and asked Jade and a passer what they think! This almost pushed me over the edge. We eventually found someone who knew and got the correct anti-biotic cream for it… but come on pharmacy guy – pull it together – I really don’t want to hear that some spider bites may kill me and that you don’t have a clue what to do!

The third day of driving to LA and we were still in Texas… as much as I loved Dallas… the state of Texas just goes on forever!… we finally went through New Mexico and got to LA that night.

Hard core you know the score! lol.

 Los Angeles

Jade & I in LA

 In LA we stayed on Long Beach and definitely moved up from our Super8 experiences. Our hotel was absolutely gorgeous… a 4 star downtown number. We spent a few nights in LA and most of it was a total blur as I think I was drunk the entire time.

 We were getting free drink at this Irish bar, the Dubliner, and we took advantage of it. I hate shots… I hate taking them… I hate how they make me feel – but in LA I all of a sudden thought I was Mary Queen of Shots and was knocking them back left, right and centre.

Route of all evil

 So drunk the entire time, and as we are boob people, we spent a bit of time in Hooters where I thought it would be funny to motorboat one of the girls… it was. Lol.

LA Baby

 In the Dubliner my ‘free’ drinks did come at a price… I ended up prostituting my dancing skills out to a soiree of old men. I initially danced with one to be polite, then another came up so I thought when in Rome… then he asked me to dance with his friend and after I did another then came up… I said no and he responded “well you danced with all them” so by then I left obliged.

 Back at the hotel I was a tad sick… I came out the bathroom and there is Jade lying butt naked on the floor… although it sounds funny now – it really wasn’t at the time. I got in to bed and told Jade to get in to hers. But instead she kept trying to get in with me butt naked and I was covered in sick…

 “Just leave me alone Jade… go to your own bed!”

 The next few nights in LA was when my liver started to hurt… a weeks solid booze abuse in Atlanta then pounding the shots in LA started to take its toll.. so instead of stopping drinking Jade suggested I get on the cocktails instead – this actually made sense at the time – in hindsight no so much. Lol.

Jade in LA with her clothes on

 We got on the bus to downtown LA (as opposed to Long beach) with a cocktail in our hand and our heels on… we stuck out like sore thumbs. But mostly in a good way…except from my prostitute dress.

  On the bus a guy approached Jade and gave her a flower… which was sweet enough. Two minutes later he comes back and gives her a picture of a lady on a horse… hmm – they don’t really do this at home… was it another cultural difference or did Jade have a weird stocker? Lol – it was the latter.

flower power

Hollywood is so dirty! We went to the walk of fame and down to Sunset and it is, not to sugar coat it, a shit-hole. Every single person was totally out their faces and there was homeless people everywhere… not at all like one would imagine it to be.

 We went back to hotel Maya drunk and could not work the lights, so Jade steaming put in an official complaint. The next morning Jade was out getting us breakfast and an electrician comes to the hotel door and says that we complained all our lights were broken and he was here to fix them. Turns out we are just a couple of morons who were too drunk to turn on the lights and the guy took me round the whole room showing me how to turn the lights on and off – needless to say I was mortified.

Hollywood walk of fame

 Back on the road and heading to Vegas… by this time we have listened to every single CD in the car so many times, so we turn to radio. Man American radio sucks… in a nutshell it is a mix of country and God stations and the manner in which they tell the news makes me feel sick to my stomach. Luckily we just got a bargain for Bally’s hotel in Vegas and were only 4 hours away… wuhu!

Las Vegas

I do need to be cautious regarding what I reveal about Vegas… when we got to the hotel we had to pledge an agreement… as you may have heard ‘What happens in Vegas: stays in Vegas.’ (I actually think this may be why we still don’t know who shot Tupac… everyone’s lips are sealed) lol.

Vegas

 But Vegas is the best place in the world… it just has everything! We could have stayed in our hotel the entire time… the room was amazing, the service was amazing, there was food I could actually eat (as I struggled a little with food stateside), there was even a Mall and a train station inside our hotel.

 In Vegas we actually got our first real chance to sunbath… we lay at the pool all day, drank cocktails and got a perv at the boys… most of whom were gay dancers – but nonetheless they are lovely to look at (again I blame the heat). Poor Jade got toasted though… and to this day she still thinks she’s got skin cancer.

 I had a very lucky night in Vegas… all thanks to my bum-bag… yes I have a bum-bag – or as the Americans say fanny-pack. Ha! I love that expression. Jade was totally mortified… but I actually think it was a good look for me: and if nothing else it is definitely practical. Lol. On my lucky night we played Black Jack (21) and I got hooked and actually managed to make a good amount of cash as I got loads of 21s… every time you get it they give you a necklace… by the end of the night I looked like a Christmas tree.  

 Unfortunately I got greedy and played again the next night and lost all my money! Damn. But I think it’s all part of the experience.

 The clubs in Vegas were great too… we were also trying to do some celeb spotting – but failed miserably. We also went to a topless show… that was fun. We paid for the ‘cheap’ seats at the back… but when the lights went off the Usher came to get us and put us in the VIP boxes, where the nips almost take your eyes out – score lol.

Bally's Show

 Oh I almost forgot… another dumb American story. The entire time we were there both Jade and I were using the same ID… mine. I had my passport and she was using my driving licence and we went places together… one after the other – and not one of them noticed. Either that or they just didn’t care. If it’s the latter they go from dumb to nice Americans.

 Some of the people we met in Vegas were just nuts… there was the dumb blonde (not her official name, although it should be) who was married to a fat rich old man who gave me the boke. And there was the two Mexican guys who were just hilarious. One of them, who was clearly there illegally, was carrying around a fat white guys passport. I looked at it and almost peed laughing. He was like “that was before, that was before” – before what pal? – your skin transplant? And there was my lucky card dealer!

 Another highlight was forgetting the time difference, calling home and telling my Mum I got married, priceless. That’s really all I can say about Vegas without breaking my oath… but it is simply the best place in the world. It’s not the kind of place you could actually live… unless you want to develop a very unhealthy drinking and gambling problem – but it was just out of this world.

What happens in Vegas...

 Bye Vegas!

Back On the Road

Heading back to Atlanta was nuts… I think we did it in a world record – 2days non stop driving from Vegas to Georgia. I actually think we should be given an award for it. We went back on 40 then 20… as opposed to 20 then 10 – so we went through all the mid states… and of course somehow wound up back in the monster state that is Texas. We pulled over to get a few hours rest… it was absolutely bucketing down and we could hardly see. We later found out that there was a tornado right where we were… and that was not our only run in with the dodgy American weather.

When we got to Oklahoma on our way back we had to spend a few hours in a Pizza Hut… not because we were so hungry but due to a tornado scare. I was bricking it!

As mentioned previously my eating habits stateside where not the best. I felt like I couldn’t eat anything so resorted to fast food the whole time. If I never see another Subway in my life… my life will be a happy one.

But a combination of all the fast food and drinking, which was every night, resulted in my gaining half a stone – which I am still trying to get rid of! Damn Americans and their massive portions… no wonder they are all so fat.

Although I am sad to be back home… I’m lucky I came home when I did – otherwise I would be like Ten Tone Tess by now.

Back to Atlanta

Back in Atlanta we got up to no good. I was still avoiding Jade’s uncle… who was dying to go out with us – every time he called I had an excuse not to speak to him. I thought it was best to avoid him… in case I couldn’t bite my tongue at our next encounter.

Well you remember Jordan G (Napoleon) he managed to upset Jade… so we went along with our trusty companion (or so we thought at the time) Aaron to egg and flour his car. It was genuinely the happiest I felt whilst being there – lol: that must be the bad in me coming out… but honestly he deserved it! 

Ha !

I also had a few good nights out with Aaron… all of which are now scrambled in my head and not very clear at all – I think he was trying to get me drunk. Lol.

 One night Jade and I went out for a drink with Aaron and met up with his friends then went back to a party and it was the most drunk I had gotten the entire time I was there. I don’t know if what I’m about to tell you actually even happened as I can’t remember any of that night – this is from Jade’s account. I entered in to a drinking contest with Aaron’s friend Justin… and I don’t think I won. Word on the street is I hit the shots, everyone could see my knickers most of the time and I ended up lying on a bathroom floor being sick… classy chic.

Another ?

 But Aaron thank you for being such a sweetheart and getting me home safely and carrying me when my legs deserted me… and for listening to all my drunken babbling.

 I do however remember the next day when I uttered those infamous words “I’m never drinking again.” I was actually hung-over for a full 24 hours… and not just feeling crappy… it was a hard core hangover – proper sick all day… not eating – I even cried a little as a felt so sorry for myself. Lol.

 I managed to pull it together eventually but I was out of commission for a full day and night.

Shockingly after my classy performance Aaron still wanted another night out with us. Lol. The next one I can remember I had a great night… although Jade didn’t. I think it was at Twisted Taco (a dive) but it was good fun… but Aaron did get his revenge a threw a drink on me. Although he denies it to this day claiming it was me – I am certain he threw it on me on purpose. But to be fair to him he did more than make up for it that night. Thanks for a great time.

We had another few nights out like that… a place called Diamond Daves springs to mind… where I got dropped on my ass (thanks for that… although I did get my revenge). That’s what I get for trying to teach the Americans to dance. In the states they ask you to dance but they would be as well asking you to dry hump to the beat of the music.

 Got to spend some more time with Mark and Megan when we were back in Atlanta – miss and love you guys!

 The next big thing was heading to NYC to meet up with my other BFF Dani T.

Dan, Jade & I in NYC

New York, New York

I was so glad to meet up with Danielle in New York… someone else who could actually understand me and who got my jokes – wuhu! Jade and I rallied it up to New York… ditched the Shaggin Waggin and got in an NYC taxi aka death trap.

Big Yellow Taxi

The drivers in New York are absolutely nuts… especially the taxi drivers… we were in a taxi and I actually let out a scream it was that bad.

But New York was amazing… and ever better we were more amazed as we got VIP everywhere we went. We spent most of out nights out at the Meat Packing District (sounds dirty I know… but apparently they actually pack meat there) and got hustled to the front and VIP at all the clubs. We were looking for some proper Manhattan girls… like in Sex and the City… but turns out they don’t exist – which although we were disappointed most definitely worked in our favour.

New York

 The price of drinks that we did buy were extortionate… I got two vodkas and sprite and was charged $48 – makes me feel physically sick. So we just had to get hammered before we went out.

 The best night out in New York was when I stole a broom and flew in to the lift with it trying to convince everyone that I was a witch. Good times.

the broom

 Our hotel in New York was gorgeous and right off Time Square but I am pretty sure there was a crack den on the corner. On every corner of every block in NYC there are hot dog vendors… but the queue for this one was massive (and their hot dogs weren’t that great) hence coming to the reasonable conclusion that it was a crack den.

Dani and Jade in NYC

 We did some proper sight seeing in New York… all the touristy things – went to see the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Crystal Building, Ground Zero, etc and we did some serious shopping… where I financially fucked myself – we spent so much money shopping in New York that I had to bring an extra suitcase home with me… it was great!

  There was also the ‘sky-blue man’ in New York. The sky blue man was clearly a white man… the thing that tells you when you can cross the road. But when we were saying… I need to wait for the white man – we were getting funny looks – like we were racists or something – hence the introduction of the sky blue man.

Central Park

 We also went on the Sex and the City Tour in New York and blew some money in the Pleasure Chest – best money we ever spent.

The Pleasure Chest

 Another highlight of New York was going to the free Whitney Houston concert in Central Park… the most so real thing ever.

 Back to Atlanta

Jade and I headed back to Atlanta for the final stint of our summer … which was by far the best summer ever. On the way I was forced to through Jade’s Aaron Carter CD out the window: which she is still not happy about.

Although it was coming to the end of our trip I still hadn’t quite mastered driving on the right hand side of the road… and whilst on the phone wound up driving on the freeway in the wrong direction – seeing the big signs “WRONG WAY”.

I was happy to go back to Atlanta because it meant that we got to spend some more time with Aaron (my best American friend) and we had fun.

Our final mini adventure was a weekend in Tennessee with Bridgette and her family… well it was meant to be with Bridgette and her family – but she ended up away playing football the whole time… so we got to spend the weekend with her family.

This is where I got myself a bracelet buddy – Katie-Mae and decided to show the American boys how to play pool. I totally wiped the floor with them all.

Bracelet Buddies

 Jade and I had such a laugh with Bridgette’s mum and dad. We had a big party for the boys and girls football team – but the Pikeville people are strange. Lol. All the girls grab each others boobs and the boys are just odd – we even had to pull out another round of the Cheeky Girls to lighten the mood. Lol.

 But in coming back from Tennessee we most definitely got a laugh. We dropped off Bridgette’s Gran and she gets out the car… pulls her pants to her ankles and start peeing in the front garden – her explanation being that she didn’t think she would make it up the stairs. Hilarious!

 Happily we had a great few final nights in Atl… we hit the karaoke bar (but I didn’t even get to sing) and had a giggle. Thanks for a great time Aaron… you made my trip!

 Thank You…

 Mum and Dad – For paying for the flights

 Aunt Catherine – Giving us a place to stay in Atlanta

 Bridgett – For being the party finding Queen of the world and keeping us entertained

 Lisa and Dani – For being the best best-friends in the world

 Aaron – For keeping me entertained and showing me a great time: you made my trip (and will always be my American BFF)

 And last but by no means least…

 Jade – Wouldn’t have happened without you gorgeous!

The Russian wants to copy the Romanians from Cheeky Girls, considering that they have the recipe for success. Two girls coming from Eastern Europe, without any help just with ambition and desire to become famous, who struggled until they succeed. It’s this what Ekaterina wants from her life too, and with Ronnie’s help she hopes to succeed quickly to reach the heights of glory. Our advice…keep looking for another rule model !

As a rapidly-expanding company – and I’m not referring to the consequences of consuming the excellent home-made ham and cheese doorsteps served up by the CEO last Friday lunchtime – we’re always looking for ways to help propel Psonar into a steady orbit above other online music service providers and my job is to help communicate these new developments, and the benefits of using the site in general, to the outside world.

This is pretty exciting and interesting for me personally. I’ve been involved in the music industry since I started writing reviews for my University magazine (I quite liked the look of the Editor and the media types always had the best parties. I subsequently took the profession seriously and have written for The Guardian and Daily Express plus dozens of magazines, newspapers and websites around the world) and it recently occurred to me that technology-based music services like Psonar, Spotify, iTunes and Last.FM are the music industry now. The labels are floundering in their wake like a hungry marlin snapping at an impossibly bright and attractive lure whilst pioneers, like the team here, devise new and forward-thinking ways to make listening to music easier, all the time staying a step ahead of the slow-moving record industry.

And that’s what it’s all about – the crux of the digital revolution is convenience and ease of access. You can carry a library of music in your smallest jacket pocket that would’ve required a whole truck-load of CDs or vinyl to replicate some years ago and in a matter of seconds you can find and download virtually any piece of music or podcast you could care to imagine. This has allowed music to invade people’s lives like never before. Indeed, upload your collection to the Psonar Cloud and you’ve got it saved (and available to stream) indefinitely and available to listen to in any location around the world: no more lost music when your iPod gets stolen or a hard-drive dies. Now that’s real convenience.

But one of the things that confounds and amazes me is that the music industry is one of the few commercialised art forms where the quality of the basic end product isn’t dependent on the price. For example, if I wanted to own a truly special painting then I’d need to start adding a few zeros onto my credit card limit, or if I wanted to go and see a world-class opera then I’d also have to spend a lot of money, but if I want to own Led Zeppelin IV then it costs the same as a copy of PartyTime by The Cheeky Girls. Led Zeppelin IV contains Stairway To Heaven – one of modern music’s great compositions – whilst PartyTime contains Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum), which is an all-time low point in the history of recorded music.

But this is what makes the art form, for me, anyway, completely compelling – the musical equivalent of a Picasso or Van Gogh is as accessible and costs the same as the musical equivalent of a two-year old’s first painting experiment. There are no boundaries or exclusions based on price, class or taste in modern music and digital services like Psonar are simply building on the most democratic of art forms in making purchasing, accessing and storing music easier and easier.

Finally, some news: since officially launching last week, the clever little Psonar SongShifter has found over 100,000 songs on users computers and devices and, of these, over 15,000 now reside securely in the Psonar Cloud. New tracks are being added at the rate of more than one-and-a-half songs a minute and the number will grow exponentially as more and more users join the Psonar community. We thank you for your help and participation from the bottom or our increasingly-ample frames (the CEO bought us all fish and chips for lunch today…).

and more of where you lay your head.

- Defiance, Ohio

 Credits

Hair: Blood Royal ( Emo Biedermann )

Skin: dhR ( Daryl Lupindo )

Tattoo: by me, not for sale

Top: Cheeky Girls ( Adelaide Pearl ) love this shop <3

Bottoms: LeeZu Baxter ( LeeZu Baxter )

Shoes: Annex ( machang Pichot )

Pose: Pididdle ( Brutus Martinek ) released only as a group gift for now

- Bru -

One of the great things about MIFF is the Next Gen strand which aims to showcase films for a younger audience. This year’s selection is especially good, ranging from the cleverly animated Coraline to the gritty world of Indonesian fishing platforms!

JERMAL tells the story of a 12 year old boy who is sent to work on the jermal (fishing platform) ruled with an iron fist by his father who at first denies all knowledge of his son. As the film unfolds young Jaya, after initially being ostracised and bullied by the other young boys on the rig, gradually learns the difficult trade on board which involves working with heavy fishing nets and sleeping in harsh dormitory conditions. But, as he’s the only lad on board who can read and write, he’s soon in demand to pen letters home, and it won’t be giving too much away to say that he gradually breaks down his dad’s resistance to the truth.

The film provides a fascinating glimpse into a different, almost Dickensian world of work and play, but is ultimately a heart-warming tale, well told.

Cheeky Girls

CHEEKY GIRLS is a colourful German film featuring a cast of good-looking teenage boys and girls going through the whole range of emotions peculiar to that generation! The three cheeky girls variously cast spells on a couple of oddball teachers, progress through a star-search type talent show, and have a huge crush on a relief teacher who then dates the girl’s mother!

Based on a German best-selling book series CHEEKY GIRLS is all good clean fun with a bright and talented cast, sparkling cinematography (with added animation sequences) and the sustained applause of 400 kids at the screening I attended attest to its universal themes of young love!

MIKE CHILDS

Surorile gemene de la Cheeky Girls, Monica şi Gabriela, şi campionii Ionuţ Iftimoaie şi Cătălin Moroşanu vor lupta, vineri şi sâmbătă, în emisiunea “Serviţi, vă rog!” de la Pro TV, pentru a ajuta o familie nevoiaşă să meargă pentru prima dată într-o vacanţă împreună.

Deşi sunt nevoite să meargă pe pietre, să cosească, să facă curăţenie, să zugrăvească, să mulgă vaca şi să gătească, Monica şi Gabriela Cheeky nu vor să se dea jos de pe tocuri. Cochete şi în cele mai neaoşe situaţii, surorile au admis, totuşi, că în coteţul porcilor şi în grajdul văcuţei este mai bine să fie încălţate în cizme de cauciuc.

Odată intrate în hora de la “Serviţi, vă rog!”, Monica şi Gabriela vor munci pe brânci, vor plânge, se vor chinui, dar nu vor lăsa treburile neterminate.

Monica Irimia, câştigătoarea ultimului trofeu “Dansez pentru tine” de la Pro TV, va trece la fapte când Nea Marin o va pune să zugrăvească în coteţul porcilor. Monica îşi va face datoria cu simţul răspunderii şi zâmbetul pe buze, pentru că în joc este, de fapt, bucuria unor copii şi confortul clienţilor pensiunii.Şi Gabriela va trece proba curajului, când Nea Marin îi va da sarcina să taie o găină şi să o jumulească. Gabriela va apela la Cătălin Moroşanu să taie găina, însă de jumulit tot nu va scăpa. Cu ochii în lacrimi, Gabriela va jumuli găina şi o va pregăti pentru cina gustoasă pe care o merită clienţii pensiunii. Şi cu vaca Stela se împrieteneşte Gabriela, mai ales că trebuie să o mulgă, numai că asta presupune să împartă laptele cu viţeluşul acesteia, care-şi cere drepturile. Ca să poată comunica mai uşor cu animalele, Gabriela l-a botezat pe viţeluş “Monica”, numele pe care îl are şi sora ei.

Sursa: MEDIAFAX

"I'm sure there was two apples!" "Hang on a sec..."

 I’m a large Abba fan. I may have mentioned this before, but if I haven’t suffice to say that they have always formed a large part to the background theme music of my life. A fair proportion of their songs were and still are classic songs. Very few people will flick on to VH1, when they are having a “Let’s Play All The Abba Songs Special Day” and not instantly recognise the song that they hear, and more often and not know most if not all of the words. “Take A Chance On Me”, “Chiquitita”, “Winner Takes It All” , “Waterloo”, familiar to all of us above a certain age and once again in the minds and play lists of the young thanks to the success of “Mamma Mia”. 

There are, I suspect, very few of us, who in a nightclub full of grannies gagging to be, well, lets not go there, but you can imagine, you know the sort, usually frequent  sixties and seventies nights where there’s always guaranteed to be a group of extremely drunk men out on a stag night who have a secret bet on as to who can pull the ugliest/oldest slapper there.  

Anyway, there are very few of us, faced with that situation, would not hear the opening bars of “Dancing Queen” and be ON that dancefloor, instantly transported back to when we were 17 and thought we could actually dance, even though our handbags kept interfering with our elaborate steps, shouting our way through the chorus and believing ourselves to be Dancing Queens.

“What the HELL are you going on about now, you silly tart?” I hear you cry.  Either that or it’s the sound of wistfully nodding heads hitting ample busoms repeatedly in quick succession.

Well, anyway, there was ONE particularly dreadful Abba song. Dreadful for several reasons – one, because Bjorn sang it, and he was my least favourite, because he looked like one of those lucky troll dolls you could get from tourist shops, they had different costumes (I always wanted the ones in wedding costumes), which was fine and lovely if you were a doll, but not so appealing on a pop icon.  Secondly, because it is lyrically outrageous.

However, for the purposes of this article, I shall attempt to recreate, in textual form, my own version of the song – and hopefully the Cheeky Girls will come along, read it, and do a cover version. Fuck “Touch My Bum” – this is a pop classic in it’s own right.

Two For The Price Of One – The Cheeky Girls Version

He had what you might call a trivial occupation
He used to be the Lib Dem Spokesman for Education
He had Sian Lloyd in his life

He didn’t want her for a wife.

He read the matrimonial advertising pages
The cries for help from different people, different ages
But they had nothing to say
At least not until the day
When something cheeky he read

This is what it said:

If you dream of the girl for you
Then call us and get two for the price of one
We’re the answer if you feel blue
So call us and get two for the price of one
If you dream of the girl for you
(If you are dreaming of someone who might just touch your bum)
Then call us and get two for the price of one
(Why don’t you call us and we’ll touch it till it goes all numb)
We’re the answer if you feel blue
(We may be the answers to your problem, a chance with we two)
So call us and get two for the price of one
(Why don’t you call us and you’ll get two for the price of one)

He called the number and a voice said, “Gabriella”
The voice was husky and it sounded like a fella
He was amazed at his luck
That he might maybe get a fuck.
He said, I read your ad, it sounded rather thrilling
I think a meeting could be mutually fulfilling
Why don’t we meet for a chat
And you could show me your twat

I can’t forget what I read

I’ve got a twisty head

If you dream of the girl for you
Then call us and get two for the price of one
We’re the answer if you feel blue
So call us and get two for the price of one
If you dream of the girl for you
(If you are dreaming of someone who might just touch your bum)
Then call us and get two for the price of one
(Why don’t you call us and we’ll touch it till it goes all numb)
We’re the answer if you feel blue
(We may be the answers to your problem, a chance with we two)
So call us and get two
(Why don’t you call us and you’ll get two)
For the price of one…

She said, I’m sure we must be perfect for each other
And if you doubt it you’ll be certain when you meet my mother (She writes all our songs, you know)

All rights reserved for the Cheeky Girls. The right to make your ears bleed, the right to make cheesy eurotrash popshite that would embarrass even Samantha Fox, the right to pose in what we believe to be provocative but the wider world believe to be QUITE FUCKING WRONG photographs, and hopefully at some point, the right to remain FUCKING SILENT.

Bugger off, Cheeky Girls. JUST BUGGER OFF!

S-a incheiat un nou sezon al emisiunii ‘Dansez pentru tine’.

Monica Irimia, una din surorile care compun trupa Cheeky Girls si Darius Belu sunt marii castigatori ai sezonul 7 “Dansez pentru tine“.  Ei au primit Trofeul visurilor si un premiu de 60.000 de euro cu care Darius isi va indeplini visul: acela de a le oferi o locuinta mamei sale si fratelui mai mic.

Pe locul doi s-a clasat perechea formata din Roxana Al-Sanadi si Alin Oprea, care au primit un premiu de 20.000 Euro iar pe 3, Piticu si Oana Dedeu, care au castigat 15.000 Euro, iar Oana a fost cooptata in baletul Dansez pentru tine.

Iata deci ca una din surorile Cheeky castiga concursul care, pe langa victoria finala a Monicai (care a invins intr-un duel ,in timpul sezonului, chiar pe sora sa, Gabriela), a schimbat, poate, pentru totdeauna, imaginea celor doua in fata publicului roman.

Cele doua au depus un efort foarte mare pentru a implini visele partenerilor lor dar au si infirmat impresia nu prea buna pe care o aveau romanii despre ele, insasi participarea lor la acest concurs fiind privita cu neincredere. Deci putem spune ca Cheeky Girls au castigat mai mult decat un concurs.

Dar asa cum Cheeky Girls au invins si au convins, presupun ca si alte vedete vor dori in sezoanele urmatoare sa obtina un capital de imagine cu totul deosebit dar, e drept, vor trebui sa si munceasca enorm pentru asta.

Monica Kyky Ryky e noua campioana a emisiunii “Dansez pentru tine”. Aseara, fata s-a reumplut de glorie. Asa, probabil, se explica faptul ca revista People din Marea lor Britanie scrie foarte frumos despre gemenele flotante. Am citit ca BBC le-a vazut in show-ul Pro Tv, iar acum sunt dorite la “Dansez pentru niste englezi”, adica “Strictly Come Dancing”, varianta britanica a concursului din Pache Protopopescu.

“Sefii de la BBC sunt constienti ca fetele de la Cheeky Girls sunt cam vulgare, insa publicul le adora”, a declarat un nene fara nume pentru revista People. Si ele se adora, le-am vazut de aproape.

In prima fotografie… traiasca Photoshopul! De ce? Pentru ca iata-le si intr-o varianta mai aproape de adevar.