I watched several Michael Jackson videos yesterday and there are still so many haters who believed he was a pedophile. This is what the media told us, so I guess  all of the shallow closed minded people don’t even give a thought to how Michael felt throughout all of this. He was a sensitive and loving human being. He had so much domination over the world, and he used his lyrics to try to try his best to help others. His songs pissed off the wrong people, and I think a part of his soul had given up. Still have no idea why LaToya Jackson would read a stupid statement saying he was a child molester. How weak. Stick up for your family not read a stupid weak statement because you’ve been forced to.

The media want to think that they control the world, but they certainly don’t control my thoughts. I am sad at the state of the world, and changing myself is enough to inspire others to change. This won’t happen overnight, but my journey to self-love is so painful and I’m grateful for the pain otherwise I would not grow.

We each have our own pain to bear. It’s there whether you want to deal with it or not. This is why I choose crying as my tool of healing. When I’m angry I cry. When I’m sad I cry. When I’m happy I cry. When I’m overwhelmed I cry. I’m no longer feeling guilty about crying. I cry in my car, in my bed, while I’m washing up, in front of Jon and wherever else. I try to do it alone as nobody understands this pain is coming from somewhere deep inside of me. Sometimes I know why I am crying, other times it comes from nowhere. Yeah, I know depression has this symptom, but I had a thought last night. Depression is the beginning of healing. We are given the choice to work through our pain in a natural way block it out by visiting the doctor and being prescribed anti-depressants.

Throughout all of my anguish and sadness, I have never blamed anyone. I had a problem with the medical system in the past, but I understand that this is their path, although a wrong one to medicate a huge percentage of the population and help them forget that pain is the journey to salvation. It makes me laugh when I comment on some blogs and say the name Jesus can help them work through the pain. It freaks out some New Agers who crack on about becoming love and light without first working through the pain. There is some magic in saying Jesus when I feel like I’m being Spiritually attacked, especially when I have thoughts of death because there is a part of me grieving for thinking about death and knowing it’s wrong. It’s not my time to go. So whether the biblical Jesus Christ exists or not, some “entity” has helped me through the harder times. I am a definite believer in God and Jesus, although I don’t quite believe the entire Bible, especially genocide. If God is the Spirit of love then there has to be a Spirit of evil and this is Satan. There is an evil energy in the world, one who tries to lead us onto the wrong path and make us fall in love with the world. Maybe this is part of ego but I think it’s greater beyond belief. Too many people are ruled by greed, competition, hate, anger etc. The loving God essence in them is dead and fear thrives.

Jon told me about a young homosexual man who had been savagely attacked and died, and all because he interrupted a fight. I know it is happening all over the world, but this act of bravery is unconditional love toward everyone and everything. Putting your life before someone elses, even a stranger or animal, is a wonderful loving act, and it inspires me to continue my journey whether I get bashed, physically attacked, or whatever else. I feel the energy of the world is more focused toward the wrong side, as it’s so much easier to hate than love, but love is thousands of times more greater than fear, and God has brought the most wonderful people into my life who are spiritually strong to fight back with love. This is the power of love, and The Illuminati or Satan, whoever wants to rule the world, knows that love is the only way to destroy them. Think before you act and know that there is always a child within everyone, a hurt child who needs your unconditional love.

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