Tuesday’s That Ain’t Right Comedy Night at Fallout wasn’t as well attended by comedians (down to six from around 12 the first time out) but there was a larger audience and they were more responsive. My set was a mix of new and older material. I got some laughs from jokes which previously hadn’t done as well. I just wish I could remember which ones they were. Comedians who showed up included host Dave Hamrick, Ray Bullock, Marc Cooper, Kelly Henderson and Leo. The next shows are on December 15 and 29, which means I may get out a diaper for a New Year’s baby bit. I’ve got one more set in which I’m going to use this material, the December 7 Comedy Night at Cafe Diem.

Comedy at the Camel, another project of Dave Hamrick’s, debuted to a full house, with Ray Bullock headlining and Jesse Jarvis MCing. Sets by Roy Rogers, Dave Hamrick and Bill Metzger of Charlottesville, among others. Blake Midgette stopped by. He was just back from two weeks in New York where he did an open mic at a hole-in-the-wall club in the East Village.

I’m trying to catch up on my backlog of video material. Right now, I’ve stripped the audio from the October 4, 2009 set at the Last Stag Standing competition at Europa Cafe. The next step is to listen to the set or look at the script and get tags for when I upload to Taltopia, Punchline magazine, Gcast and Soundcloud. Unfortunately, I decided to scan the disk with those files on it for errors so I’m temporarily locked out and unable to work with them. The next step is to edit the video file in Pinnacle, which basically consists of slapping titles on the front and back end.

One decision coming down the road is my next step in terms of improving output. I’m still getting feedback that the sound quality of the video output of the Canon PowerShot is not that great, the latest comment coming from Virginia Production Alliance  on YouTube. I don’t have that much of a problem hearing what’s said certainly the sound could be improved. This would take the form of buying a Kodak Zi8, which mean an improvement in video quality as well, going from 20 fps to 30 and 60 fps, as well as going from 640×480 to 780p and 1080p.  This would also mean getting a wireless lavalier mic for what should be a big boost in audio quality. Another advantage: the Zi8 has has a remote control which means I wouldn’t have to be standing at the camera to start filming my sets and those of other people.

Other possibilities for improvements: Brother’s $50 personal laser printer so I don’t have to shell out an arm and a leg for ink jet cartridges any more; Serif’s movie editor so I can overcome the limitations of Pinnacle and one minimalist possibility, getting some business cards from VistaPrint so I can do some more publicity with Salty Tongue Records.

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Hip Hop extraordinaire and all round superstar Jay – Z has been confirmed to play next year’s BRIT Awards. The rapper is due to perform a medley of his biggest hits, with a surprised duet reportedly in the pipeline. Fingers have been pointed at Colplay’s Chris Martin, friend Alicia Keys and even his lovely missus Beyonce as possible collaborators, but it is sure to remain a secret until the event.

Robbie Williams is also a confirmed guest, with the singer set to pick up an Outstanding Contribution To Music Award to close the ceremony.

The event will take place at London’s Earls Court Exhibition Centre on February 16th 2010.

(Image courtesy of www.boston.com/ae/music/blog/Jay-Z.jpg)

My cold left me behind and playing catchup on various chores. I lost around four days from the onset/onslaught of the cold the night of my set at the artspace benefit to three-to-four days later. Because I was feeling lackadaisical due to the cold, I didn’t shave my beard for several days, and then decided to go ahead and keep letting it grow now that winter is here. I still want to get my hair cut. So at least my appearance now synchs with my avatars/profile pics.

I did get the video from October 2 posted on the web. I still haven’t established an account for my stand-up comedy at Vimeo and posted the video there. I haven’t posted the transcript for that set on Funny or Die. Next steps in work flow is to edit the video from my October 5 set at Cafe Diem Comedy Night.

I haven’t update the appearances widget on this blog. I still haven’t figured out how to get RSS onto the sidebar. I’m not on Rooftop Comedy yet but I have gotten on Topshelfd. In fact, the latest video I posted in on their home page. I’m thinking about adding a “rules of comedy” page to this blog.

My sister liked the sound on that video, which was due to the fact that I recorded it at home because my efforts to record it at Super Friends Camp and Cafe Diem failed. Memo to self: get a Kodak Zi8 and a wireless lavalier mic.

Upcoming event is “That Ain’t Right” comedy night at the Fallout. I’ve got to rewrite the set, removing the Michael Moore jokes and adding four jokes I’ve written for www.DailyComedy.com. There’s a three week break before the next Cafe Diem Comedy Night because there are five Mondays in November. I want to burn a DVD of Jared Cullum’s last set at Cafe Diem so I can pass it on to him at Fallout. The first step is to get everything from the memory card offloaded to the hard drive.

WordPress now has a button above the “add new posts” page which allows you to get a shortened link. I still haven’t navigated around and explored all the features/tweaks involved in the site. At least it’s now showing up on the first page of Google searches.

I’ve been watching “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report“  on Hulu. HuffPo definitely skims the cream with their clips. Watching the whole show, there are moments when the shows slip into talk show blandness. Fortunately for them, the Silly Season runs pretty much 24/7/365 thanks to attention-junkies like Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston.

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Former second-team All Pac-10 husky lineman Juan Garcia has signed to play with the Spokane Shock of the Arena League.  Good to see Garcia sticking with football because the guy definitely has the talent.  Hopefully he can use Arena Football as a stepping stone to the UFL and then possibly to the NFL.  I’m actually surprised he didn’t end up on someones practice squad because he did play well and make a favorable impression during his preseason stint with the Vikings.

The New England Patriots have promoted WR/QB Isaiah Stanback from the practice squad after the season ending knee injury to rookie wideout Brandon Tate.  This week could be a good opportunity for Stanback to get some playing time as Julian Edelmen is also banged up.

If you’re following Stanback, The Boston Globe’s Adam Kilgore has an awesome feature piece detailing the struggles Stanback has gone through from his senior season at UW until now.

*Notes

Former Eastern Washington FB Harrison Nikolao and former WSU DBs Alex Teems and Chris Martin are also listed on the Spokane Shock’s roster.

I just watched “Iron Man” finally. Before I get into the movie, it is worth mentioning why I decided to watch it. First of all, I had recently read a large part of an article about Robert Downey Jr. in a magazine. But what directly caused it… I have no idea. What I do know is that I was reading reddit. So I checked my history and I honestly have no idea why I suddenly looked up “Iron Man”. As far as I can tell, I was reading a post where someone quoted some lyrics to a song. And then I skimmed it a bit more and then looked up the full song/wiki page on the band. Three minutes elapsed and then I looked up “Iron Man” on wiki. Then once I decided to watch the movie I flipped back to reddit and saw that the song was in “Iron Man”. Did I subconsciously see “Iron Man” in a post and decide to watch it? Or is my memory so painfully bad that that post (I have no recollection of reading it) actually triggered it. I think what actually happened was that I did glimpse “Iron Man” and then had a random sexual impulse (I remember seeing some teaser video where he shows off his dbagness and then bags the hot reporter girl) that led me to want to find a clip again. Then I just decided to watch the movie. Oh well, boys will be boys.

So the movie was pretty good. I have some mixed feelings about it, but I’m satisfied. No–that’s really the wrong word. What is of real interest in this movie is how little it satisfies the audience. I’m surprised it was received so well by the general public considering how little release it had. But before I get into that let’s just glaze over the movie.

“Iron Man” is an awesome hero and I’m surprised I never saw the cartoon or something on TV. To be honest I thought the acting was sort of corny, even for an action movie. Also, I couldn’t help but be extremely bothered by some random loops holes (you know, how he can do statistics in his head). But what actually bothers me is why it’s bothering me. I’m pretty sure that shit never bothered me before, maybe I just wasn’t paying attention. But really I think it’s that my roommate thinks I’m this logical robot freak (I sort of am) and I can’t be satisfied with an illogical movie. I’m proving him right for god knows what hilariously ironic reason. Anyways, moving on, what the hell was up with SHIELD. Why did they focus so much on that guy? What the hell are his super powers? Why is there a random close-up of him when Pepper and Tony go out to the balcony for fresh air? I was so confused.

Now to get to the issue of satisfaction. I really didn’t think there was that much fighting. Maybe it’s just because “Transformers” was so over the top, but there’s very few action sequences and the last fight is so tooth-and-nail that there was no “YEAH KICK-ASS DOMINATION” factor. I mean maybe that’s what makes it good, but honestly I was dreading the fact that he would have to fight with his old power source thing. I was like, “Mmmr he’s going to have to fight with his shitty power source… great.” I’m not sure why, but I imagine it’s the natural impulse of most people. Then there’s the fact that he never kisses Pepper and there’s not much at all in terms of the relationship’s progress; just a short and sweet “you’re the only one I have.”

And then, of course, if I haven’t mentioned her enough already, Pepper. Oh-em-gee why the hell does every girl in a movie have to be so interesting. The thing is I can’t even elucidate what qualities she had that make her so interesting. Maybe it’s just how easy she fell for the protagonist and how she was so fake. You know? Real girls (I just laughed at that) would scream, “What the hell is wrong with you?” after being forced to dance. Pepper, on the other hand, embarrasingly blushes, falls in love with Tony instantly, and then stumbles all over herself on the balcony. But maybe there’s still something else. Thankfully, real life is always there to give you a kick in the ass–Gwyneth Paltrow is married to Chris fucking Martin (I meant that derogatively) and is some religious retard (she’s the one with a kid named Apple. Also I don’t actually know if she’s religious I’m just tempted to use it due to some words in the wiki article that are sticking out).
Oh well; another dame, another night of soft-weeping.

I’ve been busy recently so I haven’t haven’t written in the blog lately. Last week, it was the first open mic at Fallout in Shockoe Bottom Tuesday. Kudos to Dave Hamrick for increasing  opportunities for comics to practice their craft. Joe Hafkey of Cafe Diem’s Comedy Night was the MC. Jared Cullum worked out some new jokes before moving on to another gig. Kelly Henderson had a good set about breaking down on the Jeff Davis Highway. I had a chance to converse with Jesse Jarvis, who rooms with Roy Rogers (not that Roy Rogers — we should start a support group for people who share famous first names). A good time was held by all and a good vibe, a community feeling in the room. Attendance was light, mostly comedians, but I’m sure that will pick up with time. I was able to do the first five minutes of my set-to-be at artspace.

Friday, it was a stand-up comedy benefit for artspace, a non-profit member-run gallery at Plant Zero. Organizer Santa De Haven went all out, complete with a “green room,”  amply stocked cooler and programs.  Mike Bonura  did his swan song before moving on to the Marines. I was next and did 10 minutes without blanking and forgetting my lines, unlike the first time I did 10 minutes at Paradox Comedy’s “Motel Hell” Halloween Celebration.  Michal Ketner did about 20 minutes, including a nice bit about becoming the lead singer for Aerosmith, Collin Chute (a 20-year-old who actually knows who Bob Dylan is!) and Tom Via  rounded out the evening with musical comedy about relationships. We did a run-through and evidently the preparation paid off. The chemistry between performers was good and the audience of around 50 was appreciative. The event raised a nice sum for the gallery.

It was good to see Camille Bird, the MC, who has been sorely missed from the Richmond comedy scene, taking a break after co-founding the Comic-Kazze open mics. The bad news is that that was when my cold really started to kick in.

Coming back from a non-existent pre-performance meeting at the New York Deli (I really should read my emails more closely) in the Hurricane Ida backwash, I ran over some glass in the alley. Fortunately, according to an Agee’s Bicycle  inspection, the damage was not enough that I had to replace the tire, which was a source of concern since I was planning to cycle all the way downtown and across the bridge to Manchester for the artspace benefit.

Oups… Deux jours que je dois produire un papier, mais enfin que se passe t il ? Pour faire court, plusieurs facteurs : Concert de Watson (ok déja abordé précédemment), match de foot hier soir à la télé où la France s’est salement qualifié et puis sortie ce soir. Non et non je n’ai pas envie d’écrire, ni de passer l’aspiro, j’ai plus envie de batifoler, parce que ça fait du bien ça batifoler…

Le concert de mardi de Mr Watson était magnifique et j’ai pensé à Randy Newman et “It’s lonely at the top”. Le Patrick a fait un super concert de bout en bout, mais par contre il a peut être déçu les fans plus généralistes notamment par sa grande capacité à se dispercer… Exemple flagrant, il entame les accords au piano de “the great escape”. Les amoureux se serrent dans les bras, les coeurs se serrent un peu, on pense tous à quelqu’un ou à quelque chose sur ce morceau. Et donc il commence, puis s’arrête et commence à raconter une histoire, en quebecois dans le texte svp, hilare, qui parle de la compagnie de telecom de Montreal et qu’il leur devait pas mal d’argent et que lui ne voulait pas payer et qu’il a bien eu en appelant la terre entière pendant le festival de jazz à Montreal un peu plus tard. Et il raconte son histoire, tout fier et reprends ” The great escape”. La salle est médusé. Il a coupé le morceau !!! Et j’ai pensé à Randy Newman et son “It’s lonely at the top. Car ça doit être dur d’avoir un si bon morceau et d’être obligé de le jouer tous les soirs et de sentir la foule faire silence et se suspendre à ses lèvres et sentir tous ces petits coeurs se serrer avant de plaquer les fameux accords. il pourrait se prendre pour un Chris Martin en rute et profiter de cette aura pour enlever toutes les midinettes qu’il lui siéra. Mais il est humble et se refuse à cette facilitée. Et c’est là où je le trouve touchant.  En fait ce mec n’a pas l’Ego d’une grosse rock-star, je m’explique, là où un Martin en fera des caisses pour se taper la première de couv de Voici et sortir avec une star de cinéma, le cheum Watson ben il se trimballe avec sa gueule de troubadour, sa casquette pourrie et ses blagues de bout de comptoir et joue des trucs assez relevés pour de la pop, son but à lui c’est partager de la musique. Faut avoir un sacré égo quand même pour assumer jouer un truc qui fait mouche tous les soirs. Faudrait leur demander ça, c’est une question intéressante. Est-ce être humble artistiquement que de se refuser à la facilité ? Est-ce manquer d’ambition ? tA mon sens, tout dépend sur quelle échelle on juge cela. Si le but c’est de faire du fric, effectivement Chris MArtin gagne haut la main, alors que d’un point de vue qualitatif artistiquement, en tous les cas à mes yeux, Watson démate grave 12000. En plus il est entouré de musiciens très talentueux, à commencer par son batteur-mélodiste et son guitariste plus qu’inventif. En tous les cas, je ne me suis pas ennuyé une seule seconde. Du très bon. Par contre, la première partie, j’ai cru que c’était une blague tellement c’était chiant. Ah oui, certes ils sont bien fringués, mais dieu, que c’est chiant. Certes, ils ont l’excuse de la jeunesse, mais on repassera pour le talent. En tous cas,avec un nom comme Revolver, aucun morceau n’a fait mouche. Il y avait bien une ambiance un peu retro-western, mais god, si je repense aux concerts de 16 Horsepower il y a une dizaine d’années qui me glacaient le sang, je me dis juste “quelle bande d’amateurs ces Revolver”.

Sinon, j’ai lu l’itw de David Sitek in les Inrocks et je me dit juste que je dois me faire un road trip chez David Friedmann et passer ensuite chez lui à LA. Bref, je les kiffe ces gars. I mean like really.

O que você precisa saber sobre esse filme:

1. foi co-produzido e dirigido pelo Bruce Paltrow, o que explica a presença da Gwyneth, que ganhara o Oscar um ano antes.

2. Quem também participa do longa é o Scott Speedman, o Ben de Felicity.

3. A cena abaixo é praticamente a única que vale no filme inteiro.

PS1: Da série fofocas que nós amamos: Speedman assumiu o papel após Brad Pitt terminar o noivado com Gwyneth.

PS2: E alguém se lembra por que o romance chegou ao fim? Segundo a EW, we’ll never know for sure if the reason was lust — or greed, envy, sloth, or any of the other deadly sins.

PS3: O melhor de Duets ainda é a trilha sonora, o que inclui a Mrs Chris Martin cantando Bette Davis Eyes.

La scorsa settimana abbiamo riportato la notizia del flirt che sarebbe avvenuto tra il cantante dei Coldplay Chris Martin e l’attrice Kate Bosworth. Niente di grave se lui non fosse sposato con Gwyneth Paltrow. I due da tempo, secondo alcuni giornali, sarebbero in crisi e lui trarrebbe piacere nel frequentare altre donne. La moglie però saputo dai giornali dell’incontro avvenuto tra Martin e la Bosworth avrebbe parlato con il marito il quale la avrebbe tranquillizzata – ma non fanno tutti così? -. Secondo In Touch il cantante è tornato a casa in Inghilterra anche se, secondo alcuni amici della coppia, i due avranno, prossimamente, molto di cui parlare.

Rock music is a different beast then it was in 1999. Thank god. Nu-metal is a bad dream I’d like to forget. But out of all that shit some good things did come. Mainly, the incredible crop of bands that took rock music to either: it’s classic roots, new sonic heights, or found a sound and perfected it. So I give you the Top 3 Most Influential Bands of the 2000’s

Number 1. Coldplay

No one could foresee the success that these 4 British boys would have when they released their first single in 2000. After Yellow exploded many bands hopped onto their sound. Not that Coldplay were impressively original, but Jeff Buckley died too soon and Radiohead didn’t care about being the biggest band in the world. But Coldplay did, and so they created a sound that was just as big. Coldplay’s soaring guitars with Chris Martin’s piano and honest lyrics made for an equation that millions of people loved. To this day their are still bands making music that sounds like A Rush Of Blood To The Head and Parachutes. Luckily Colplay have moved on and are still influencing songwriters with their self described “very heavy soft rock.”

Number 2. The Strokes

We’ll be writing more about The Strokes in the next few weeks, but I think the influence of The Strokes cannot be over stated. Well maybe the NME would overstate it, but like The Velvet Underground, and The Ramones, The Strokes gave us a new hope for rock and roll. All of a sudden we remembered that you don’t have to be a douche bag to make rebellious rock and roll. The greatest compliment that can be paid to The Strokes is that after people heard Is this it they started bands.

Number 3. Nickelback

I found a Guitar World magazine from 2001. In it Chad Kroeger talks about Silver Side Up, the album that not only would make Nickelback a household name, but create a standard for the modern rock radio song. The success of This is how you remind me was so effffing epic that nearly ten years later there is little on modern rock radio that doesn’t follow or pay homage to Nickelback and their sound. My local rock radio station jerks off Kroeger and Co. so often that my friends and I have stopped playing the Nickelback drinking game because we can’t be tanked at 10am. But why do we drink? Because Kroeger writes a hell of a hook, and he knows it. In Guitar World Kroeger says: “We are all about the music. There’s not one tattoo or piercing on any member… we’re not trying to fool anybody … we’re a rock band that tries to write really contagious melodies that are going to weld themselves into your subconscious.”  Once again it’s all about the songwriting.

Also worth noting are the honorable mentions:

• Radiohead: Too omnipresent
• The White Stripes: Too Jack White-y
• Arcade Fire: Too pretentious
• Wilco: Too country
• Linkin Park: Nope

Photo: The Golden Gate Endeavour

Two Britons faced hardships and were followed by whales during their 189 day,  5,000-mile rowing trek. The article brought to mind Yann Martel’s Life of Pi.

Click here for the story that ran in today’s San Francisco Chronicle>

I found this venn diagram today, here.  How brilliant — because how true.  (In fact, see my prior post on why drinking wine while listening to Coldplay is maybe not a good idea…) Oh, how this sums up a good two-year period of my life! My sisters will confirm that they almost staged a Coldplay intervention, almost flung all CDs out of my home and car. But Chris Martin, you felt my pain. I know you did. I can laugh now at the cliché I must have been, driving around in my old green stick-shift Accord for hours, with Coldplay in the CD player, or huddled in my cold living room with a bottle of wine, the song “Amsterdam” on repeat.

L’ora del tè – Gossip Mix pt.Yeah

Shakira ha detto addio ai suoi capelli liscissimi: a New York con un look rasta al party organizzato dalla rivista Rolling Stone in suo onore

Amy Winehouse, dopo il seno, tocca al lato b

Da quando l’ha ingrandito, non riesce a smettere di metterlo in mostra. Amy Winehouse è entusiasta del suo seno nuovo di zecca. L’operazione è riuscita perfettamente, la cantante ha avuto il davanzale che aveva sempre sognato. Ma ora non le basta più e sta già pensando di tornare dal chirurgo plastico per ingrandire pure il lato b.

“Amy ama il suo seno. Non riesce a smettere di toccarlo e di farlo vedere ai suoi amici. Dice di sentirsi nuovamente femminile e vuole tornare ad avere delle curve - ha spifferato un anonimo molto vicino a Wino – Pensa che con un’altra operazione e delle protesi al sedere riuscirà ad ottenere il look da pin-up che ha sempre sognato”.

Chi aveva sempre immaginato che la Winehouse si amasse magra e quasi emaciata come Kate Moss, sbagliava. Ora vuole essere sexy e provocante: che lo faccia per riconquistare definitivamente Blake Fielder-Civil? Forse. Ma deve stare attenta: i ritocchini possono provocare dipendenza, proprio come è stato per le droghe in passato… E il rischio è sempre lo stesso: esagerare.

Imbruglia e i Coldplay “Lavorare con Chris? A rischio crisi di nervi”

“Il disco era già quasi pronto e io ho passato 24 ore da incubo, aspettando il parere di Chris e pregando che non cambiasse idea”. Chi parla è Natalie Imbruglia, Chris è Chris Martin, il leader dei Coldplay con il quale ha collaborato per il nuovo disco ‘Come to life’. “Lui è diretto fino alla brutalità: ‘Questa fa schifo, tagliala. Questa è grandiosa. Questa è da rifare’. Ci siamo messi lì a smontare e rimontare i brani daccapo. Il risultato è stato fantastico, – spiega la cantante al settimanale ‘Donna Moderna’, – ma io ho rischiato la crisi di nervi. Una volta non ce l’avrei mai fatta”.  

Rihanna premiata come donna dell’anno

Dal dolore alla creatività il passo è breve. Mentre scriveva il suo nuovo album, ‘Rated R’, Rihanna ha dovuto abbassare la guardia e trarre da un’intimità piena di dolore la forza di esprimere se stessa attraverso la musica. Il dolore è quello provocatogli dall’ormai notissima aggressione ricevuta dall’ex Chris Brown nel febbraio scorso mentre il disco è quello che uscirà il 23 novembre prossimo.  

“Normalmente sono una persona molto controllata e divento vulnerabile quando cerco di parlare di emozioni e fatti personali”, ha detto a ‘People’ la cantante 21enne, al gala tenutosi ieri sera a New York per i Glamour Women of the Year Awards, dove è stata premiata tra le donne dell’anno. Rihanna ha spiegato infatti che l’ispirazione per il nuovo album le è arrivata “dalle esperienze personali mixate con il rock e l’hip hop”. Dopo la sua dolorosa vicenda personale (quello di Brown fu un vero e proprio pestaggio, che le lasciò segni evidenti non solo nell’animo) la cantante ha deciso di parlare alle donne della necessità di non tollerare la violenza domestica per aiutare chi attraversa questo dramma. “Sono una donna, un essere umano. Ho attraversato una situazione reale che riguarda moltissime donne nel mondo ogni giorno. Ed è una bella cosa avere l’opportunità di dare voce a queste donne”.  

Nell’accettare il premio per la donna dell’anno, consegnatogli dalla modella Iman, Rihanna è arrivata sul palco con le lacrime agli occhi (“colpa della Pms (sindrome premestruale, ndr.)”, ha detto scherzando, prima di ringraziare gli amici, il suo mentore Jay-Z, sua madre e sua nonna. Poi ha si è presa in giro per il vestito scelto per la serata: “Come sempre ho deciso di mettermi l’abito più stretto che potevo indossare”, ha detto di fronte ad una platea divertita.

Fan in fuga dal concerto di Britney?

Britney Spears ha ripreso alla grande la sua carriera e ora è impegnata in un tour mondiale,”The Circus”. Peccato che, durante la sua ultima performance in Australia, la reginetta delle pop-star ne abbia combinata una delle sue…

Britney si è esibita di fronte ai fan cantando in playback e il pubblico, al terzo brano, quando ormai era palese che la Spears non si stava esibendo dal vivo, ha lasciato lo show. “La gente ha pagato ed è venuta per sentirla cantare”, ha detto un fan deluso all’emittente Nine Network. Intanto un portavoce dell’organizzazione Burswood Entertainment Complex ha smentito che ci sia stato un esodo di massa degli ammiratori di Brit al suo concerto a Perth. Questa era solo la prima tappa del tour australiano della cantante. Le altre date previste sono a Melbourne e a Sydney. Si spera che la pop star recuperi la voce…

Madonna stufa di Jesus: ora punta a un modello brasiliano

Piuttosto che risposarmi mi butto sotto un treno!». Parola di Madonna. Le dichiarazioni rilasciate dalla pop star in occasione dell’ultima intervista al David Letterman Show hanno fatto velocemente il giro del mondo e sono sembrate una vera e propria dichiarazione d’intenti. Pare che la cantante, dopo il doloroso divorzio dal regista inglese Guy Ritchie, abbia deciso di dare una svolta alla propria vita: basta alle quotidiani ed estenuanti sedute di allenamento, basta a rigidi e iper- restrittivi regimi alimentari, basta alle troppe regole imposte dalle amate discipline cabala e yoga. Secondo quanto riporta il periodico on-line Metropolitan Post, la regina del pop avrebbe finalmente deciso di godersi la vita. Pare, infatti, che Madonna abbia dichiarato di essersi appassionata al protagonista della nuova campagna pubblicitaria di Martini Rosato, il modello brasiliano Thyago Alves, 24 anni, fisico statuario e magnetici occhi color smeraldo. La predilezione della cantante per gli uomini latini non è certo una novità: nel 1996 Madonna concepì la prima figlia Lourdes Maria con l’allora personal trainer cubano Carlos Leon, un’esplosione di mascolinità e sex-appeal, che la cantante scelse proprio per la «fortunata combinazione genetica».

Molti fra gli amici della cantante sarebbero pronti a scommettere sull’imminente «detronizzazione» del fidanzato «in carica» Jesus Luz, classe 1987, brasiliano e modello di professione proprio come il volto dello spot Martini Rosato, proprio in favore del bel Thyago. Dopo aver smentito il gossip di un imminente nuovo matrimonio con il baby boy-friend, pare che la cantante si sia lasciata andare a confidenze piccanti, svelando le proprie mire: «È molto maschio e decisamente sexy», avrebbe dichiarato, confessando di essersi un pò stancata delle fattezze eccessivamente «bambolesche» dell’attuale boy-friend. are che Madonna abbia addirittura pensato di coinvolgere Thyago in uno dei suoi prossimi video, confidando nella naturale inclinazione dei brasiliani per il ballo. Dopo aver fatto salire vertiginosamente le quotazioni di Jesus Luz, che, proprio grazie al legame con la cantante ha visto moltiplicarsi offerte e contratti, ora potrebbe essere il turno fortunato del bel  Thyago

Nicole Kidman lo fa strano…

Nicole Kidman è una delle attrici più eteree di Hollywood: occhi chiari, pelle di porcellana, lunghi capelli biondi. Sembra quasi una bambola, fragile nella sua perfezione. Eppure, anche l’ex signora Cruise ha delle rivelazioni piccanti da fare…

L’interprete di “Nine”, durante una recente intervista, ha dichiarato di amare svariati aspetti del sesso e che nella sua vita ha provato un po’ di tutto: “Negli anni ho sperimentato vari tipi di amore – ha detto Nicole – . Ho esplorato l’ossessione, il sesso fetish, la banalità del matrimonio e della monogamia. Ma mi sto ancora aggiornando”. Sarà contento l’attuale marito, Keith Urban, padre di sua figlia Sunday Rose.

La Kidman ha anche confessato che quando decise di sposare Tom Cruise, conosciuto sul set, i suoi agenti glielo sconsigliarono, affermando che, così facendo, si sarebbe rovinata la carriera: “Sono diventata famosa molto giovane. E sono diventata famosa perché ero la moglie di qualcuno” ha dichiarato invece Nicole ed ha aggiunto: “Voglio onorare quel matrimonio per ciò che è stato, e nient’altro. Non ho mai parlato della sua complessità e mai lo farò”.

L’accessorio preferito di Lady Gaga? Il preservativo…

Lady Gaga, oltre ad essere famosa per la sua musica, è anche conosciuta come un personaggio piuttosto trasgressivo e i testi delle sue canzoni sono spesso espliciti. Lunedì sera, la pop-star, premiata al tredicesimo Annual Accessories Council Exchange Awards, ha dichiarato che il suo accessorio preferito è il preservativo.

Prendendo il premio dalle mani dello stilista Marc Jacobs, Lady Gaga ha colto l’occasione per promuovere il sesso sicuro: “Credo che tutti – ha dichiarato la cantante – debbano ricordare che l’accessorio fondamentale è il condom”.

Brava Lady Gaga, trasgressiva sì, ma con la testa sulle spalle!

Settimo figlio senza Brad per Angelina?

Angelina Jolie è una delle attrici più belle e famose del mondo ed è anche una super-mamma: per lei tre figli naturali e tre adottivi ovvero sei pargoli da crescere. Eppure, la star del cinema internazionale sembra non averne mai abbastanza…

Secondo alcune indiscrezioni, riportate dal magazine americano OK!, Angie avrebbe intenzione, dopo aver adottato bambini in Africa e in Asia, di far entrare nella sua già numerosa famiglia una bimba originaria della Siria. Ma stavolta senza l’appoggio di Brad Pitt. Una fonte ha infatti dichiarato che l’attore ha messo in chiaro quanto per lui sia già molto faticoso stare dietro a sei bambini e che non ha nessuna intenzione di averne un settimo: “L’idea di un altro figlio – ha spiegato il bene informato – sembra ridicola ma Angelina è determinata a completare la sua famiglia arcobaleno”. A confermare l’estraneità di Brad al nuovo progetto della compagna, un impiegato dell’ufficio Immigrazione e Naturalizzazione: l’uomo ha raccontato che sulle carte per la richiesta di adozione c’e solo la firma della Jolie.

Che la coppia sia in crisi lo si mormora già da tempo ma voler adottare un bambino senza il consenso del proprio partner non è certo un buon segnale. Intanto però, per un rapporto che sembra vacillare, Angelina ne sta ricucendo un altro altrettanto importante: il padre John Voight ha confermato la notizia di un loro riavvicinamento. I due avevano litigato nel 2001, quando l’attore aveva dichiarato in televisione che la figlia soffriva di problemi mentali. Sembra che lo scorso febbraio, proprio con il supporto di Brad Pitt, Angelina abbia fatto il primo passo e si sia riavvicinata al padre: “Siamo in contatto – ha dichiarato lo stesso Voight all’Us Weekley – ma non in modo regolare. Ci amiamo e questa è la cosa più importante”.

L’attrice Kate Bosworth ricorda per alcuni versi Gwineth Paltrow: bionda, elegante e filiforme. Forse per questo motivo, il frontman dei Coldplay Chris Martin nonché marito della Paltrow ha trascorso del tempo con la collega più giovane della moglie. Secondo Star Magazine la crisi tra Martin e la Paltrow ormai si sarebbe fatta seria tanto che il cantante trascorre molto tempo con l’attrice più giovane. Qualche mese fa avrebbe persino detto alla moglie che la Bosworth gli ricorderebbe la Paltrow quando era più giovane, senza contare che i due – Martin/Bosworth – sono stati visti molto affiatati di recente a un concerto degli U2. Sempre secondo Star Magazine la Paltrow sarebbe molto sospettosa dei flirt del marito che sembra aver preso coscienza del fatto che essere una pop star attira ammiratrici e quindi ne starebbe approfittando un po’ troppo. Lui per lei è immaturo, lei per lui troppo esigente e forse un po’ noiosetta. Insomma, ce la farà questa volta la coppia a superare la crisi o siamo arrivati al capolinea?

From Cosmo, with jewelry by LeVian

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28. When Did This Storm Begin (feat. Binary Finary) – Shiny Toy Guns
It was controversy a go-go last year over at Shiny Toy Guns HQ. After the first album failed to do anything in the UK (and indeed anywhere), the band chose to ditch lead singer Carah Faye in a stunt which was perplexing at best and downright stupid at worst. A number of STG fans were up in arms, and the creation of literally tens of groups on Facebook/MySpace etc pledging allegiance to Carah must have been worrying for STG, especially as they replaced Princess Carah with a reject from the Pussycat Dolls search programme – Sisley Treasure, if you followed it. Anyway, back on record, this song is the opening track from an otherwise shit album. And I’m only a little bit biased. It’s the only track which really shows much resemblance to the STG I used to know and love.

27. Epic Last Song – Does It Offend You, Yeah?
I do like DIOY,Y?, but their ridiculous name really irritates me. Their album – which I was really excited about – turned out to be a bit awful really, aside from We Are Rockstars and this little gem. It’s not really typical of DIOY,Y? but it’s a nice enough song. I like the drumming on it, it reminds me of Muse a little bit in places. It is a nice way to round off the album, but it doesn’t work so well on its own in my humble opinion, which is probably why you can buy the CD single for 60p on Amazon (2009 NOTE: pricing correct at time of writing. It’s probably even cheaper now), and that Wikipedia denies it was ever released.

26. See You Again – Miley Cyrus
Anyone who says this isn’t as catchy as crabs is either a. deaf or, b. really stupid. The lyrics sometimes veer on being a bit immature (sorry Lesley, it’s true), but as the song is being targeted at 14 year old girls who fuck up a bit in the company of someone they fancy, I can let it drop. Although it is worth noting that this is hardly a situation which is exclusive to 14 year old girls, let’s be honest here. I also liked Seven Things, but not as much, and the third single was pretty boring, which probably serves as proof enough that I don’t need to listen to the whole album to find the best of it – it is here.

25. Ready For The Floor – Hot Chip
This song is brilliant. It’s up there with Over & Over – you can’t help but start wiggling around a bit when you hear it, which is not such a fantastic side effect when you are on the tube on your own in the rush hour. I was a bit disappointed the whole album wasn’t up to this standard, but with a few more plays, perhaps it will click and everything will be okay (2009 NOTE: this did not happen). I can’t recall any of the follow up songs really doing much either, but Hot Chip seem to have a pretty strong fanbase, I wouldn’t say they have done a Sugababes (2009 NOTE: this was a reference to the Sugas becoming really tired and repetitive, and therefore alienating their fanbase, not to their roundabout of disposable members).

24. What A Catch, Donnie – Fall Out Boy
This song is my favourite from Folie á Deux so far. Not that anyone will know yet as the track-by-track review I have been promising to write has still not materialised (2009 NOTE: it never did). This features Gabe from Cobra Staship, Brendon from Panic At The Disco, and of course Wentz. It is like a Decaydance fangirl wet dream. I do find Stump’s vocals really hard to listen to sometimes, and this song is quite bad for nasal and annoying, which is a shame but that is life. That aside, it has a nice melody, and there’s also an applaudable uuse of tambourines and piano. Viva La FOB!

23. Everyone Nose – N*E*R*D
I don’t think this did well for reasons which I find odd. I have always had a bit of a soft spot of Pharrell though; I heart N*E*R*D even though it probably isn’t cool any more. My only niggles with this song are that I think the middle 8 sucks – there is no excuse for slowing the pace down and putting stupid winebar jazz piano in anything, ever. I also think the outro could be chopped significantly to make it a bit snappier, but I daresay others would disagree. Watch your back Mark Ronson, Max Martin, Rich Costey etc etc.

22. Courtship Dating – Crystal Castles
Some of the cool kids have been going on about Crystal Castles for ages, but until they shoved a song infront of my face that I wanted to dance to, I just didn’t care. It took me a couple of listens to really get in to this, but when I ‘got it’, it was a staple of every playlist I made for about five months. I think that the song is about taxidermy which is a bit bizarre, but I ignore that, and happily strut around with lots of glitter around the world and this on full blast.

21. Rise – Flobots
I don’t think this is one many people liked, but there we go. Flobots are like a watered down Rage Against The Machine for this generation. They’re upbeat and in your face and they also have some pretty good lyrics (take note, Cyrus). The simple but inspiring chorus is great, definitely one of the highlights on the album for me. I wouldn’t be surprised if these guys won a couple of awards over he next few years for the album (2009 NOTE: they did not).

20. Body Crash – Buy Now

The non-event of this release is one of the most bizarre events of 2008, or indeed the entire millenium if you ask me. This should have been absolutely massive; I don’t know what happened to it. It is absolutely fucking awesome, and would have/should have been appreciated by two massive social groups I am friends with.
Group A – The boring Eurovision fans who just love everything that comes out of Sweden, even if it is dire. I have been reliably informed that the artist (or 50% of, I’m not sure on this) is Swedish, therefore they should have loved it.
Group B – The boring dance music fans. Apparently this is house music. I don’t know what house music is; the dance lot confuse the hell out of me, and I have probably commited the biggest musical faux-pas since Kelly Clarkson released My December, but there we go. Anyway it is fucking amazing and that is all you need to know.

19. Stop And Stare – OneRepublic
Yes, I am well aware of how embarassing this admission is. I’m not sure if it is still as socially unacceptable to dislike Ryan Tedder post Bleeding Love and Halo, but whatever. This song is proper Radio 2 fodder, but for some reason, I really like it. I think it is less about the song, and more the fact that I heard it a lot at a certain period of the year which was good and holds some nice memories for me, but this is not a relevant side-gambit. Incidentally, I listened to the whole OneRepublic album last night, and the singles and one other song aside, what a dreary load of shit. Talk about knowing your audience.

18. I Thought It Was Over – The Feeling
This was another good pop song, my favourite moment being the bit with spazzy synths after the “DOES ANYBODY KNOOOOOOOOW?” bit. I seem to remember this was always on the radio at the start of last year, and I went and bought the album on the back of this song. Big mistake. It was terrible, and I only ever listen to this song. Damn you, The Music Industry reeling me in with your great first singles, then trapping me into buying a shit album. Oh well. (2009 NOTE: I have not listened to anything by the Feeling off my own back for the last 12 months. Forgive me.)

17. Up – The Saturdays
As much as I wanted to hate them for their terrible promo campaign before we had even got any music at all, this is a great song. There’s not much to say, it’s catchy, it’s singable and everyone seems to know it. I might add that I didn’t rate If This Is Love, and I also really don’t like Issues. Their generic b&w artwork with coloured lenses is really irking me too, but this is meant to be a list of positivity, not me complaining about everything I don’t like about them.

16. Sensual Seduction – Snoop Dogg
I don’t know why I like this song. This kind of generic top 40 r’n’b usually is the genre that makes me weep for our generation. I really love the Robyn remix of this too, I think it was a crying shame it was not released properly (2009 NOTE: Apparently it was. Hello journalism degree). I like the video for this too, tongue-in cheek music videos are always an easy way to earn points with me. Though it is a pointscore you will have to scout for yourself as I’m not embedding the video on here.

15. A&E – Goldfrapp
I really loved this song. Really, really loved it. The album was great, but this was one of the best from it. It is one of the saddest songs I have ever heard, and it is definitely one I have to avoid when I am feeling a little bit sad because it’s one of those songs which can push you from mild sadness into full blown depression. But that shouldn’t distract from the main point that it is a wonderful song, and if you haven’t heard it you absolutely must.

14. One Month Off – Bloc Party
This is my favourite choon from Intimacy by far. I also quite enjoyed Mercury, but the 12” remix of that was better, and I am not including that on this list because it was a b side or something, so this long and boring explanation means that One Month Off was always going to win at the end of the day. It is no Flux, that is for certain, but Kele may never better that beast of a song.

13. Behind The Sea – Panic At The Disco
Not many people liked this album, and I can understand why. Ze boys got a slight whiff of fame, took waaaay too many drugs, and found themselves holed up in Abbey Road. What is the next logical step? Make an album that sounds a bit like something the Beatles might do in 2008! Idiots. I’m the first to say that this album doesn’t have the sparkle that the first did, but this song does save it somewhat. I can’t work out what in the name of fuck it is about, but it’s probably something to do with LSD. My love for the Urie knows no limits.

12. Make You Feel My Love – Adele
Incredibly, I had not heard this song or any variation on it prior to hearing Adele doing it in the Live Lounge a few weeks ago, and I fell in love. It is one of the most perfect love songs I have ever heard in my life, if not then the most perfect. I have done some research on the original by Dylan and subsequent covers but nothing really matches up to this at all. I love it, love it, love it. The arrangement is so simple, and it just adds to the atmosphere of the song, and makes it even more wonderful. She might not live up to this kind of beauty with her original stuff, but it doesn’t matter now we’ve got this out of her. Bye Adele!

11. Propane Nightmares – Pendulum
I’m sure many people will know this one, it did pretty well last year. I have still not tired of it. I found the whole album to be a bit samey, but this is just Laura heaven. They are Australian, it’s bass heavy, it has synths, fantastique drumming, and did I mention they were Australian? I will be listening to this for years to come for sure (2009 NOTE: I still am, hurray).

10. Megalomania (Live @ RAH) – Muse
Okay, so this wasn’t released last year, but the gig was in April and it was without a doubt one of the most special nights of my life. Seeing my favourite band in one of the best music venues in the world…I’m never going to forget it. With the massive organ there, fans were speculating for weeks as to whether we’d get Megalomania at all, but as the night went on and it didn’t surface, I lost hope that we were. Then after the encore…BAM! It was one of the high points musically for me last year. It’s never going to happen again, and I am so thankful that I was there. Literally amazing.

09. Please Don’t Leave Me – Pink
Some people have called this Who Knew pt II, but I don’t see the link at all. I think this is by far one of the best songs she has ever done. The whole album documenting her breakup with Cary Hart is so beautifully done – I’m sure some situations were exaggerated for the benefit of the album (I am sure she didn’t literally burn her house down, for example), but it is all so heartfelt and you almost feel like you were given access to the pair throughout the breakup.

08. 42 – Coldplay
I genuinely don’t get why more people don’t hear the genius that I hear in this song. It is one of my favourites on VLVODAAHF. It’s one of those Queen-esque songs that has lots of different little melodies to it, and lots of piano and Chris Martin who I love so much that it hurts a little bit. He is a very talented man, and he is a bit like a friend of mine I think in the respect that a lot of people don’t get his comedy, and just think he is a bit of a prick until they actually sit down and talk to him and realise that everything he says is said with a wry smile. You have to be of a certain finesse to get the pair of them I think. I am giving the impression Chris Martin and I are best friends here – alas, we are not.

07. Homecoming – Kanye West (feat. Chris Martin)
My most favourite Kanye moment ever. Chris Martin always adds a sparkle to anything he touches and this is no exception. I do like Kanye doing collaborations, I know I am on my own on this one but I just don’t love his solo stuff as much. I really liked Flashing Lights with Dwele also, but this pipped it to the post. I blame Chris Martin (I LOVE YOU CHRIS MARTIN). I have become a fan of Kanye’s absolute lunacy over the last year too – his CAPS FILLED BLOG RANTS are one of the best parts of the week. I actually read his blog yesterday where he was calling Lady Gaga ‘act of 2009’ as if no one had ever heard of her and it was his own discovery. He is kind of like the black American Jo Whiley.

06. In My Arms – Kylie Minogue
This song is another one of those which, if it comes on my iPod when I am in a public place, I will skip along to wherever I am going, blissfully ignorant of everyone else in the world. I really start stomping around when it comes on, and it is guaranteed to raise my mood tenfold. I don’t know what hand Kylie had in writing it, but whoever it is is a fucking genius (2009 NOTE: I think it was Calvin Harris). It’s amazing. The lyrics are feisty, almost arrogant, and I just love it to bits. I quite happily listen to it on repeat for hours.

05. Nude – Radiohead
This is one song which had one of the biggest hypes prior to release ever I should imagine. The original version was written in the OK Computer sessions in 1997, but the band never released it up until this point because they couldn’t get the arrangement quite right. I’m not sure what it sounded like to start, but it was definitely worth the 11 year (!) wait. I’d go as far as putting it in my top 5 Radiohead songs ever. It’s gorgeous, and if you haven’t heard it, listen listen listen.

04. Phonography – Britney Spears
WHY is this a bonus track. WHY? I don’t get it. It is one of the best songs on Circus. How did NO ONE at Sony hear this and think “Gosh, you know what, this would be better than that My Baby drivel, let’s put it on there and release it as a single with a video where we put Britney in some kind of scenario where she is stalking someone with a bluetooth phone. But making it sexy and not sinister. This would be the best idea we’ve ever had and would make us all a lot of money and add to the case that Britney Spears is better than Madonna”. Someone needs to be fired for not making that call.

03. Kids – MGMT
This is one of those songs that makes an art form of simple lyrics paired off with a really fucking catchy hook. I’d love to see MGMT live at some point, I imagine they would be great in a stuffy little venue where everyone is really out of it and dancing like twats in a cage on acid. The PSB remix which isn’t being released officially canes the Soulwax remix into the ground. Go and listen. It gets really epic at about the three minute mark if you can’t be arsed to listen to the whole thing.

02. A Dustland Fairytale – The Killers
Another one of those songs which I heard for the first time and I just fell in love. This is potentially one of the best songs they have ever done – it isn’t in the same arena as all of the other songs in their back catalogue. Some of those are fantastic and will be remembered forever but this is totally in a league of its own. I don’t know why but I don’t want to see this released as a single. I guess I am kind of protective of it and if it was released and didn’t do well, I’d have some kind of Britney-esque breakdown which would culminate in me being sectioned after purchasing the single 20,000 times on iTunes (forgetting that 19,998 of these wouldn’t officially count in the charts until after I bought them, then attacking Steve Jobs and the entire line up of the OCC in a murderous rage) (2009 NOTE: It was released, it didn’t do well, and I was very sad, but no one died and I was not sectioned). For the love of all that is holy, Island please do not release it. I don’t think any justice can ever be fully done with this masterpiece.

01. Come On Girl – Taio Cruz feat. Luciana)
HEY! This song is definitely in my all time favourite songs list, I will never ever stop loving it. It’s just so good -  one of the songs that you can put on and I will dance and sing my heart out like there is no one watching. It’s another song which is made by some superamazing synth action in the background, and a pretty sassy cameo from Luciana just finishes it off perfectly. I was well disappointed nothing else on the album was up to this standard, but I guess that makes this even more special or something. I seriously doubt Taio will ever make a song this good again but when he has just made #1 in my chart, I doubt he gives a crap about anything else in the world, he can die happy now.

Jay-Z

Jay-ZJay-Z left 8,000 fans including football player Ashley Cole and Coldplay front man Chris Martin thrilled yesterday as he performed at Alexandra Palace in North London.

Jay-Z’s live band and Memphis Bleek ( perhaps the most famous hype man in the business) played their part in entertaining the audience.

Jay-Z made the transition from relying on stereo to having a live band with the release of the American Gangster album in 2007.

The switch has created a higher quality musical sound at his performance and gives the artist a much greater level of control over the live performance.

Jay used the performance to brag and make audiences aware of his latest achievement, having achieved more number one albums in the US than Elvis Presley.

The Blueprint 3 boasting tracks such as Run This Town, Death of Auto-Tune, and Empire State of Mind has become the rapper’s 11th number one album.

The only act ahead of Jay now is the Beatles with eight number one albums more(19). The set spanned decades with a range of songs including, Big Pimpin, 99 problems and Empire State of Mind, next stop California.

Halloween is over, or National Night Out for predators as some people refer to it. Comedy that writes itself: the jump-off point for the fifth annual Zombie Walk in Richmond was across the street from the Church of Scientology. How convenient. To get into the spirit of Halloween, I watched Hellboy II but I watched it before Hellboy I. I hope I didn’t tear a hole in the fabric of the space-time continuum.

Dick Cheney also got into the spirit of Halloween. He dressed up as the Ghost of Torture Past to go trick or treating. Everyone who came to the Cheney house Halloween night got a special treat: a shotgun blast in the face. Cheney may be getting confused in his old age. He recently said America was safer because the Obamas got a Portuguese Water Boarding dog. Right after Halloween is November 3, Election Day, or as I like to call it, National Night out of the Closet for former Idaho senator Larry Craig.

A lot of people don’t know that Edgar Allan Poe, in addition to being America’s first horror writer of note, was also America’s first stand-up comedian. The only problem was that every joke ended with the same punchline: “Here, here, it is the beating of his hideous heart!” Come to think it, Poe may have been talking about Dick Cheney. Kind of a downer. Probably why he didn’t get too many laughs. The reason I don’t get too many laughs: too much conceptual comedy. “The Dark Files – an XXX parody” is the latest porn spoof. However, I’m definitely not going to see “Splooge Bob Square Pants.”

I used to think MySpace was sleazy until I discovered Tagged, whose members look like refugees from the Jerry Springer Show. If Facebook is the Upper West Side and MySpace is the Bronx, then Tagged is a trailer park in New Jersey. I got a notice from Tagged that said Halle, 35, had viewed my profile and underneath was photo of Halle Berry. Do you realize what this means? Halle is lying about her age! Curiously, all the Christian singles in Facebook ads have large breasts. Apparently, not only can Jesus turn water into wine, he can turn a B-cup into a D-cup. If Jesus comes back, I want to know so I can follow him – on Twitter. Forget what would Jesus do. What would Jesus tweet? I can see Jesus ragging on Muhammed and Buddha. “I’ve got 2.1 followers on Twitter. Muhammed, you’ve only got 1.5 billion followers. Buddha, you’ve only got 376 million!”

Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha walked into a bar. The bartender said, “What will you have?” Jesus said, “I’ll have a Rusty Nail and a Bloody Mary.” Mohammed said, “I’ll have a Virgin drink.” Buddha said, “Who do I have to kill to get out of this joke?” Believe it or not, I came up with the idea for a show called “Copts.” It turns out there wasn’t a big market for a series about Egyptian Christians so Fox took it in another direction.

Billy Ray Cyrus is the perfect dad. Miley Cyrus half-naked in Vanity Fair? So what? Miley Cyrus lap dances on a 50-year-old director? Whatever. Miley Cyrus pole dances at the Teen Choice awards? Ho-hum. Miley Cyrus deletes her Twitter account. OMG! Now Billy Ray puts his foot down!

Here’s my David Letterman tribute joke. “The Mentalist” is so perceptive he can actually tell the difference between Cate Blanchett, Kate Winslett and Kate Beckinsale.

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Ryan Seacrest is in some serious danger.

Pretty sure this man ate diamonds for lunch.

Jon Gosselin is officially douchier than Speidi.

Did Lady Gaga kill a photographer?!

Chris Martin isn’t such a great guy afterall.

Everyone loves Jimmy Choo for H&M.

Le magazine Star qui va sortir demain raconte la charmante histoire de Chris Martin frenchant à bouche que veux-tu l’actrice Kate Bosworth pendant un concert de U2 à Vegas vlà deux semaines. GOOP!!! Ha! ha! Me semble que ça fait un meilleur patois que ça fait un site web de patentes macrobiotiques-organiques…awww, je sais pas c’est quoi GOOP. Checkez vous-mêmes. Je voulais juste dire GOOP. GOOP, GOOP, GOOP.

Bon…entouka. Mettez-vous un p’tit background de Coldplay, savourez un crumpet pis choisissez entre ces deux vagines comme l’a fait le mari de Ginette (ici, on l’appelle de même).

Gwyneth Paltrow

ou

Kate Bosworth

Chris Martin on the cover of UFOs magazine

After doing 10 minutes for Paradox Comedy’s “Motel Hell” Halloween show Thursday, it turns out I’m doing 10 minutes again, though not the same material, for the ArtSpace benefit November 13. We have a run-through Sunday, November 8. I want to develop another five minutes that I can bolt onto the five minutes of topical humor that I usually do at Cafe Diem Comedy Night. I believe I can do that by Sunday though I haven’t written many topical jokes lately. Nothing has come to mind lately. I may have to plow through the pile of jokes at www.DailyComedy.com and see if there’s anything that

The way you insert photographs in WordPress isn’t particularly intuitive but I finall seem to have gotten the hang of it. I’m going to be trying to post a funny photo with every new blog post. I don’t have a clue as to how galleries work in WordPress. I don’t plan to publish a lot of photos here but I might eventually want to gather all the photos together.

I’m still holding at over 200 followers on Twitter so I got rid of one incessant marketing tweeter who was firing off bursts of half-a-dozen tweets all at once. I just can’t believe people who follow thousands of people are paying any attention to their tweet stream.

The VodPod integration is working well. However, I had to dump the publicize through Twitter feature of WordPress because all it does when VodPod published the video blog is send an URL to Twitter, not to mention there may be times when I publish videos more often than I want to to tweet. All I want to publicize on Twitter are blog posts that I write and I only do that fairly late at night. I also had to change the theme because the videos were overhanging,/overlapping the column, so I had to switch to a theme with a larger column size.

I’m rehearsing tonight for tomorrow at Cafe Diem. My modus operandi is simply to recite/read through the set today (Sunday) and memorize tomorrow.

WordPress doesn’t adjust for falling back or springing forward so I’ll have to wade through the not-particularly intuitive interface and do it myself. At some point I want to start working on the blog roll as well as insert the Chris Martin tag for previous posts, which I forgot to do. I saved my Twitter stream as a PDF and I want to find a program that can edit PDFs (OpenOffice.org), eliminate the announcements, keep the jokes and print it out for future reference.

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