Suicide is not a comfortable topic for any of us.  Yet it is a grim reminder of the reality of the world we live in.  Written in 1990 this article is still relevant today.  Larry speaks with the experience of having lost his oldest son to suicide in 1986.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Their website is located    HERE.  The National Institute Of Mental Health (NIMH)  has more up to date statistics located   HERE.

2000 by Lawrence Russell Taylor, Ph.D

Suicide is not a subject anyone much likes to think or talk about, and whenever we suicide survivors bring it up, we are thought to be obsessed by people who wish we would “just get over it and move on”; and simultaneously thought to be less than edifying by fellow believers. Assuredly, we are moving on with our lives in ways that are hopefully meaningful, and, as ministers of the Gospel, it is certainly our desire to uplift the Body the Christ. However, edification of the believers does not involve ignoring and refusing to address the problems in society; indeed, our biblical mandate is to directly confront society’s ills with the healing of Christ. There may be no balm in Gilead, but there certainly is in Jesus. Those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide are not obsessed or unable to move on, we are personally aware of an area where the church has historically failed to minister appropriately and biblically. Our concern is no different than the concern of those who have a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease, had a child killed by a drunk driver, or who are involved for personal reasons in the American Heart Association or in promoting cancer research and cures. We are seeking to comfort others with the same comfort with which God has comforted us, and we are simultaneously seeking to educate those not touched by our tragedy so that, cognizant of the need, they can respond biblically.

Suicide is a monumental problem in American society, and the epidemiological information becomes particularly poignant when we take the time to realize that every suicide statistic represents a wasted life and a death that left behind scores of hurting people. Death certificate information from the National Center for Health Statistics, coupled with population based psychological autopsy studies, show that suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in the United States (as of 1999 – the last year for which statistics are available), up from ninth place five years earlier, and now ranking behind heart disease, cancer, cerebrovascular diseases, chronic obstructive pulmonary diseases, accidents, pneumonia and influenza, and diabetes mellitus. In 1999, there were 30,535 deaths by suicide, which is an age-adjusted death rate of 11 deaths per 100,000 population – a number that is probably lower than reality because suicide is sometimes underreported to protect the reputation of families. Suicide rates are highest in the mountain areas of the western United States, with Nevada having the highest overall rate, and Alaska the second highest; they are lowest in the Mid-Atlantic and New England regions. Speculation abounds as to why the western area of the country is higher than the rest of the nation in suicide rates, with theories including the ready availability of firearms, western individualism, displaced families and lack of support systems due to transience.

Although women attempt suicide more often than men, men complete suicide far more often than women because men generally choose more lethal means, usually firearms, while women more often attempt suicide by poisoning themselves with medications which allow for medical intervention. Nationwide, about 60% of all suicides are completed using firearms. The highest rate of suicide in African-American, Native American and Native Alaskan populations occurs in men between the ages of twenty and twenty-nine. The rate of suicide among children and adolescents has risen dramatically over the last forty years – quadrupling between 1950 and 1990; it is the fourth leading cause of death (after accidents, cancer and homicide) in adolescent and young adult females, (age 15-24), the third leading cause of death among males age 15-24 (behind accidents and murder), the sixth leading cause of death (after accidents, malignancies, congenital anomalies, homicide, and heart disease) in girls age five to fourteen, the fourth leading cause of death among boys age 5-14 (after accidents, cancer and murder), the fifth leading cause of death among female 25 to 44 year-olds (after cancer, accidents, heart disease and HIV), the third leading cause of death among males age 25-44 (after accidents and heart disease), the ninth leading cause of death among women age 45-64 (after cancer, heart disease, cerebrovascular disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, diabetes, accidents, liver disease, and pneumonia/influenza), and the seventh leading cause of death among men age 45-64 (behind heart disease, cancer, accidents, cerebrovascular disease, liver disease, and diabetes). Suicide is the ninth leading cause of death among African American children age 5-14 (after accidents, murder, cancer, congenital anomalies, heart disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, HIV, and anomies.); the third leading cause of death among black people age 15-24 (after murder and accidents); and the seventh leading cause of death among African Americans age 25-44 (after HIV, heart disease, accidents, murder, cancer, cerebrovascular disease). The rate of suicide in older adolescents has doubled in the last few years. It is the second most common cause of death among white males ages 15-44 (behind accidents), the second leading cause of death among white females age 15-24 (after accidents), the fourth leading cause of death among white women age 25-44 (after cancer, accidents and heart disease), and the third leading cause of death among white boys, age 5-14 (behind accidents and cancer).

A “one size fits all” approach to preventing suicide will not work. The causes of suicide are ubiquitous, and in the professional literature appear to include the increase in alcohol and drug abuse, the increase in depression, the increased availability of firearms, increased rates of divorce and family dissolution, increased numbers of working mothers, greater family mobility which cuts people off from larger extended family support systems, societal pressure on adolescents to act “grown up”, the breakdown of predictable support systems, the stratification of the social classes, society’s tolerance of violence, and the decline in religious practice and observance. In addition to suicide, other self-destructive behaviors are proliferating in adolescents – alcohol and drug abuse, smoking, self-mutilation, eating disorders, and dangerous and demeaning sexual practices, to name a few. Although suicide cannot be predicted in many instances, nor, sadly, prevented in all, it can be prevented in some.

In a recent paper entitled “Can Suicide Be Prevented? A Professional Journey” by Pamela Cantor, Ph.D., republished in the Harvard Medical School “Guide to Suicide Assessment and Intervention” (Douglas G. Jacobs, M.D., Editor, Jossey-Bass Publishers, San Francisco, 1999), Dr. Cantor, a lecturer in psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Cambridge Hospital, Harvard Medical School, former syndicated columnist for the LA Times, and a renowned expert on teen suicide, lists twelve likely factors involved in the possible prevention of suicide, viz.:

1. Having a specific plan that is lethal combined with the availability of the means to complete suicide makes a person at very high risk. Somewhere between 18 and 38 percent of those who commit suicide have made a prior attempt, yet 90% of those who attempt suicide do not die that way.

1. The more impulsive, anguished and agitated a person is, the greater his risk of suicide.

1. Those unable to see any solution to their problems are at risk for suicide because they feel overwhelmed and have lost hope.

1. Access to a lethal weapon, especially firearms (and most especially hand guns) increases the risk of suicide dramatically. In England, a popular method of committing suicide was by asphyxiation with home heating gas. By changing the lethal coke gas to a less lethal natural gas, the suicide rate dropped 33%, proving that suicidal people will not often switch to another means of killing themselves when their method of choice is denied them. Removing access to weapons, especially from the hands of impulsive teenagers, would most likely save lives just as the epidemiologists claim.

1. Depression carries a lifetime risk of suicide of 15%.

1. The suicide rate for those with panic disorders is high.

1. Schizophrenics have a 10% lifetime risk of suicide.

1. Borderline Personality Disorder carries a 7% lifetime risk.

1. Alcoholism carries a 3% lifetime risk.

1. Anyone who has identified with or witnessed someone who has committed suicide is at risk – the so-called “copy-cat” syndrome that occurs when a rash of suicides follows the suicide of a classmate or rock star.

1. Post-traumatic stress disorder carries an increased risk of suicide.

1. Anyone abusing alcohol or drugs is at high risk for suicide.

In other words, a person is at risk for suicide if she has no inner psychological strength to cope with problems, cannot envision a brighter future, and is convinced suicide is a viable option to end the misery. The suicidal person may be frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, mentally ill, physically ill or disabled, but not necessarily. Her risk increases if she has a history of suicidal behavior, a family history of suicide, has witnessed a violent death, and has access to lethal weapons. The combination of being impulsive and angry is deadly in adolescents.

Although the scientific literature does not yet support my conclusions because few if any controlled studies have been done, I am convinced that other risk factors for increased suicide besides those mentioned above include suicidal music, occult oriented games like “Dungeons and Dragons”, occult and violent “slasher” films, the demise of the family unit and of organized religion, and the pervasive philosophy of biological science that asserts a naturalistic, mechanistic, materialistic view of the universe.

While recognizing that many suicides defy explanation and others do not fit into any specific categories, it appears, based on the best available evidence that the most common causes of suicide include:

1. Agitation, anger and/or anguish coupled with impulsivity.

1. The collected stress of difficult circumstances out of which the individual can see no hope of relief.

1. Depression.

1. Mental illness.

1. Drug and alcohol abuse.

1. A family history of suicide.

1. Occult/violent games and themes in literature, music and entertainment.

1. Access to lethal weapons.

How then can we help those around us who may be suicidal?

1. First, determine the lethality of the one to whom you are speaking. If a person has a viable plan with which to kill themselves, as opposed to a vague unspecified death wish, and has the means to carry out that plan, they are highly lethal and should not be left alone. Instead, accompany them as quickly as possible to a mental health clinic, psychologist or psychiatrist who can assess the need and take appropriate action.

1. Next, remove any means of committing suicide as much as you are able – clear the person’s home of guns and lethal weapons, alcohol and drugs, for example.

1. Third, make the person aware of the sinfulness of her decision, and of its devastating and life-long effect on loved ones.

1. Fourth, give them hope in the form of the Good News of Jesus Christ, who alone can fix any problem, and turn around any life. He is able to restore, forgive and redeem in the most adverse of circumstances.

1. Help the person locate, afford, get involved with, and stay committed to high quality professional psychological and/or psychiatric intervention, including the diligent use of prescribed medications.

1. Over the long term, be a friend – supportive, caring, listening to feelings, concerned, and forgiving of wrongs without allowing the suicidal individual to become unhealthfully dependent on you.

1. Finally, involve yourself in the greater community-wide effort to reduce the number of suicides.

What then are the practical steps individual Christians and congregations of believers can take to help reduce the number of people who choose to end their lives?

1. We can arrange our own homes, and encourage others to arrange theirs, so that no child, teenager, or impulsive, depressed, or mentally ill adult can ever have any access to any firearms. We need to be certain that not only are our homes gun-proof, but that the homes our children and teenagers visit are as well.

1. We need to clear our homes of any Internet, television, video, musical, or other reference to the occult, suicidal ideation, and violent material.

1. Together, we can campaign for and politically support candidates and legislation that will restrict the access of lethal weapons by teenagers and children, reduce the graphic violent content of music, videos, games, television and the World Wide Web, and increase suicide prevention interventions in communities.

1. We can use our influence as family members, clergy and coworkers to strongly urge those around us who appear agitated or depressed to seek medical intervention and faithfully take any medication prescribed. Medical researches have recently discovered that low serotonin metabolite 5-hydroxy-indole-acetic acid (5-HIAA) and homovanillac acid (HVA) levels in the cerebrospinal fluid are associated with violent and aggressive behavior, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, migraine headaches, premenstrual syndrome, and suicide. Although psycobiochemistry is in its infancy as a science, these discoveries are almost certain to lead to effective medications that can be used to balance the brain chemistry of some suicidal people and thereby prevent death in some instances. Mental illnesses like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (manic depression) have long been successfully treated with medications.

1. Together, we can campaign and lobby for an ubiquitous variety of effective interventions ranging from advertising and educational campaigns to treatment options, targeted at reducing substance abuse, particularly alcoholism.

1. On the local level, we can influence the public and private schools in our neighborhoods to open their doors to suicide prevention and anti-violence education taught by both experts and people who have been personally affected by suicide.

1. We can strive for more solid marital commitment to prevent divorce and family dissolution, teach coping techniques to married couples, and increase our involvement in the community of believers we call the church.

1. We can teach our children and the adults in our churches the sinfulness of suicide, and its devastating effect on those left behind.

Indeed, suicide is a dreadful sin – it is probably the single most self-centered act a person can commit; an act that devastates innocent spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends and relatives, and breaks the heart of the God of life. As believers, our response to the sin of suicide needs, however to reflect the love and infinite grace of the Cross by tenderly and effectively ministering to the broken and hurting, rather than condemning those weaker than the majority. The church’s response to suicide has historically been dismal. In the middle ages, the Church had accepted the doctrine that salvation came via good works and that therefore a person who committed suicide, because he did not have time to receive last rights, would be forever tormented in hell. Those who committed suicide were denied church funerals and burials, their property was confiscated, and their families were banished in disgrace. The Protestant church after the reformation did little to correct these errors, but instead continued with many of the same practices. Both the Roman Catholic and Protestant churches have since corrected their doctrine, but the disgrace of suicide remains in society today. It is precisely that disgrace that causes the powerful stigma associated with suicide and ruins the reputations of bereaved families. In formulating a Christian response, we first need to explore what the Scriptures say about suicide.

It is noteworthy that there are seven instances of suicide in the Bible that are recorded without comment as to the wrongness or sinfulness of the action, and with no mention in any case of what happened to the suicidal person’s soul after their self-imposed death. They are:

1. Abimelech, a judge of ancient Israel, was mortally wounded when a woman of Thebez dropped a millstone on his head, and then asked his armor bearer to kill him so that he could avoid the disgrace of being killed by a woman. (Judges 9)

1. Samson, blinded, defeated and bound by the Philistines due to his own rebelliousness to his Nazarite vow, killed himself by pulling the pagan temple down on himself and his enemies. (Judges 16)

1. King Saul, defeated by his enemies, given to insane fits, fighting to maintain a position he should have resigned, fell on his own sword. (1 Samuel 31)

1. King Saul’s armor bearer likewise fell on his sword out of loyalty to his master. (1 Samuel 31)

1. Ahithophel, David’s counselor, was disgraced after he betrayed David to the usurper Absolom who then did not follow his advice, so he hanged himself. (2 Samuel 17)

1. Zimri, a wicked king, died when he burnt down his own palace. (1 Kings 16)

1. Judas, having betrayed Jesus, went and hanged himself, then his body fell and was broken on rocks below. (Acts 1)

Nowhere does the Bible indicate that a person who commits suicide is in hell; in fact, the eternal salvation of a person is not determined by how he dies, but by the atoning death and resurrection of Christ. Our salvation depends on what Jesus did, not what we do. Probably most believers die with some unconfessed sin of which they were not cognizant (and some they were aware of). Salvation is by grace, a free gift, not determined by a person’s ability to understand and confess sin. That is not to imply that suicide is all right; conversely, it is a hideous and selfish sin that wounds hearts deeply, but it is not an unforgivable sin. The only sin God cannot forgive is the refusal to be forgiven. In seeking to prevent suicide, I do not tell people they will go to hell if they kill themselves (who am I to make that judgment in any case?), but I do point out to them how deeply such an act will wound the innermost heart of God and all the people around them, and, if they are parents, how such an act will forever teach their children to escape life’s difficulties with self-violence. When I talk to those left behind after suicide, I can assure them of God’s infinite omnibenevolence and mercy, of His profound understanding of all the factors that go into the making of a particular human being, and that He is ready to forgive and embrace both here and in eternity on the other side of the veil of death.

In 1986, my oldest child Elliott killed himself at home with a 22-caliber rifle. He was not insane, had no history of mental illness or violent behavior, and gave no warning to his friends or family. His death was sudden, shocking and impulsive, and resulted in years of heartache, intrapsychic pain, familial trauma, social stigma, confusion, depression, anxiety, phobia, anger, sadness and grief for his siblings, parents, extended family and friends. Elliott’s decision to end his life while a junior in high school was a tragic, sinful, self-centered, hateful, wrong decision, but it was his decision, for which no one can take blame but him. Sinful as it was, however, it was not an unforgivable sin – his family has all forgiven him even though he wounded us deeply, and we are certain God has forgiven him also. After all, God’s willingness and ability to forgive far outshines ours.

One day, some months after his death, I was standing at his graveside weeping and hurting more deeply than I could have imagined possible, when I became somehow mystically aware of a holy Presence – Jesus was with me. I did not see or hear anything, no hallucinations or visions occurred, it was more an inner feeling than anything else – a feeling a skeptic would attribute to my parental grief. Nevertheless, in my heart I know the Presence was real and that my Lord was sobbing with me, doubled over with His arm about my shoulder, He wept like He did at Lazarus’ tomb, and in that instant, I knew that Elliott’s tragic decision had wounded the heart of God as deeply if not more deeply than it had my own. In a profound yet ineffable way, I understood that the universe was hard-wired in such a way that prevented God from preventing such tragedies, but that, far from aloof, He was touched by the feeling of our infirmities, a Man of sorrows and personally acquainted with grief who participates with us in our suffering with an empathy that is deep and lasting. At that realization, I stopped ranting against God for His failure in preventing Elliott’s death, and began to accept the participatory fellowship of His love.

In spite of our best efforts and most fervent prayers, some suicides will not be prevented and loved ones will be left behind to cope as best they can. When a person in your circle of acquaintances loses a loved one to suicide, you can help by:

1. Being present with the bereaved person – just be there; you do not need to know what to say, in fact, you do not need to say anything, just be there and stay there; hold them, cry with them, hug them, weep with those who weep.

1. Doing little things to help. When a loved one dies suddenly and tragically, we often feel overwhelmed and in a state of shock that makes even the most menial tasks difficult to accomplish. Having someone there to take out the trash, fix the meals, wash the dishes, do the laundry, pay the bills, and change the oil in the car, can be a great comfort.

1. Knowing the stages of grief. Bereaved people universally feel hurt, sorrow, sadness, loneliness, loss, emptiness, isolation, confusion, anger, intrapsychic pain, fear, anxiety, numbness, seasons of denial, self-blame, victimized, and hopeless. Because everyone is an individual and no one had precisely the same relationship to the deceased other than the particular bereaved, everyone grieves differently – some feel all of the motions listed above intensely and profoundly, others feel them sequentially, others seem to major on one for long periods of time, some show their feelings, others hide them well; but, unless there was no love, all grieve. It is normal for bereaved parents who have lost a child suddenly and unexpectedly to feel these feelings intensely for at least five years after the death of their child. Spouses typically feel these losses for at least three years. There is no time-limit on grief – people need to feel whatever they are feeling for as long as they feel it, and they need to have someone with them for the journey who accepts the validity of those feelings, is nonjudgmental and forgiving, and can offer more love and support than hollow answers or well intentioned Bible verses.

1. Speaking of the Bible, I have discovered personally and seen it confirmed in the lives of others, that most often believers are most profoundly affected by the Book of Psalms as they journey through the difficult work of grief, because the Psalms contain the entire spectrum of human emotion without religious platitude.

If we are willing to courageously face the problem of suicide directly and collectively confront it politically, pedagogically, sociologically, psychologically, medically, and religiously, we will positively impact our world with the healing ramifications of the Gospel by which we live, and in the process save lives and alleviate the suffering of the bereaved around us.

(Statistics and professional information for this article were taken from the Harvard Medical School “Guide to Suicide Assessment and Intervention” (Douglas G. Jacobs, M.D., Editor, Jossey-Bass Publishers, San Francisco, 1999) and from the National Center for Health Statistics of the United States government, “National Vital Statistics, Volume 47, Number 19, June 30, 1999”).

NAMI has just released results of a general public 2009 survey concerning Depression.  I am sharing the results here to give you a window into how people view this illness.    There is much for all of us to learn.  Allan

This information is reproduced with permission from NAMI.

Highlights & Comments

While many Americans do not believe they know much about depression, they are highly aware of the risks of not receiving care, according to a survey conducted on behalf of NAMI by Harris Interactive Inc. released in November 2009.

The survey provides a “three dimensional” measurement of responses from members of the general public who have never known anyone living with depression, caregivers and individuals who actually live with the illness.

Major depression is a serious medical illness involving the brain. It affects 15 million American adults, or approximately 5-8 percent of the adult population in any given year. Unlike normal emotional experiences of sadness, loss or passing mood states, major depression is persistent. It interferes with an individual’s thoughts, behavior, mood, activity and physical health.

There is no single cause for the illness. Psychological, biological and environmental factors may all contribute to its development. Life events, such as the death of a loved one, a major loss or change, chronic stress and alcohol and drug abuse, may trigger episodes of depression. Some illnesses, such as heart disease and cancer, and some medications also trigger episodes. However, it is important to note that many depressive episodes can and do occur spontaneously and are not triggered by a life crisis, physical illness or other risks.

• Scientists have found evidence of a genetic predisposition to major depression. One striking finding from the survey is that almost 50 percent of caregivers in the survey, who may be parents and siblings, have also been diagnosed with depression, although only 25 percent were engaged in treatment at the time.

No one is immune from depression and the survey provides “guideposts” for individuals and families who confront the illness for the first time-helping them to learn from the experiences of others. It also reveals the need for greater public education.

The survey’s release coincides with Veteran’s Day 2009 and comes a few days after the release of the nation’s latest unemployment rate (10.2 percent)-the highest level in more than 25 years. It also coincides with Congressional debate over national health care reform. Its findings are relevant to veterans, active duty soldiers and their families and people in economic distress. It identifies needs and concerns relevant to health care reform at all levels.

The survey produced a wealth of information that to be considered over time. There were some surprises.

Depression: Gaps & Guideposts

Summary of Findings

Public Attitudes

• Most people in the public sample — 71 percent — say that they do not know much about depression, but over two-thirds are aware of the consequences of not receiving care. 84 percent know that suicide is a risk.
• Eighty percent or more recognize that depression is a medical illness affecting people of all ages, races and socioeconomic groups and that it can be treated. Sixty-two percent said they know at least some symptoms.
• Ninety-one percent would want to know if a family member or friend was diagnosed with depression and 72 percent of people with the illness are willing to tell them.
• At the same time, stigma endures. Almost 20 percent of the public consider the illness a sign of personal weakness and 23 percent would be embarrassed to tell others if a family member were diagnosed with depression.
• Fifty-five percent of the public sample would be uncomfortable dating a person diagnosed with depression.

Age at Onset, Diagnosis & Early Treatment

Gaps exist between the times that symptoms of depression first appear, when they are actually diagnosed and when leading treatments, psychotherapy or counseling and/or medication are first received.

• Thirty-four percent of people living with depression reported that first experienced symptoms of depression before age 18. Across the life span, the difference in discernment was a mean of 12 years.
• Almost 20 percent of people living with depression reported being diagnosed before age 18. Almost 30 percent were diagnosed between the ages of 18-29 and 30 percent between the ages of 40-49.
• Twenty-four percent of people living with depression reported that they first received psychotherapy or counseling before age 18; 21 percent between ages 19-29; and 18 percent between the ages of 30-39.
• Fourteen percent reported first taking psychiatric medication before age 18; 24 percent between ages 18-29; and 23 percent between ages 30 – 39.

Treatment Strategies

• Almost 60 percent of people living with depression rely on their primary care physicians for treatment rather than mental health professionals. This has implications for professional education, particularly in prescription and monitoring of medications.
• Approximately two-thirds (67 percent) of people living with depression currently use psychiatric medication as their primary treatment compared to 16 percent who use psychotherapy or counseling as their primary treatment. However, two-thirds use psychotherapy and counseling overall.
• One-third report they receive a “whole health” approach to care, but only eight percent receive a “family centered” approach.
• Over one-third (35 percent) report being extremely or very satisfied with current treatment; however, a similar amount (33 percent) report dissatisfaction.
• “Alternative” strategies are reported to be very helpful. These include prayer, physical exercise, animal therapy, art therapy and yoga. Although only about 20 percent of people living with depression have used animal therapy, 54 percent found it “extremely” or “quite a bit” helpful.
• Five percent of people living with depression currently use nutritional or herbal remedies, but of the 27 percent who have tried them, only 8 percent have found them very helpful. However, this contrasts with 23 percent of the caregivers who believed they were helpful for the person in their care.

Depression: Gaps & Guideposts

Summary of Findings (continued)

Treatment Discontinuation

Fifty percent of people living with depression have found medication to be “extremely” or “quite a bit helpful” and 36 percent have found psychotherapy or counseling to be helpful as well.

When a person discontinues treatment-any treatment-the reasons can be complex or pose cause for concern. It is worth taking a closer, comparative look at some of the top reasons reported for discontinuations of each treatment. The responses were revealing measuring relative proportions between factors such as choice, cost, effectiveness, side-effects and social support.

Cost is a common factor (i.e. 27 percent of the time in the case of psychotherapy or counseling and 21 percent for medication, pointing to the need for greater access to coverage), but it is not the dominant factor

.

• In the case of medication, physical and sexual side effects are significant (26 percent), which points to the need to ensure that individuals have a range of choices to select the one that works best for them as well as for improved medications with fewer or no side effects.

Psychotherapy or counseling

Medication

Caregivers

Almost half (48 percent) of caregivers have been diagnosed with depression, although at the time of the survey, only about 25 percent were engaged in treatment. The survey did not explore reasons. Less than 20 percent of individuals living with depression reported receiving specific assistance from caregivers. But caregivers identified these most common forms:

‘

Caregivers also reported major challenges, including:

“Put on as the elect of God, kindness” Colossians 3:12

There is a story of an old man who carried a little can of oil with him everywhere he went, and if he passed through a door that squeaked, he poured a little oil on the hinges. If a gate was hard to open, he oiled the latch. And thus he passed through life lubricating all hard places and making it easier for those who came after him.

People called him eccentric, queer, and cranky; but the old man went steadily on refilling his can of oil when it became empty, and oiled the hard places he found.

There are many lives that creak and grate harshly as they live day by day. Nothing goes right with them. They need lubricating with the oil of gladness, gentleness, or thoughtfulness. Have you your own can of oil with you? Be ready with your oil of helpfulness in the early morning to the one nearest you. It may lubricate the whole day for him. The oil, of good cheer to the downhearted one–Oh, how much it may mean! The word of courage to the despairing. Speak it.

Our lives touch others but once, perhaps, on the road of life; and then, mayhap, our ways diverge, never to meet again, The oil of kindness has worn the sharp, hard edges off of many a sin-hardened life and left it soft and pliable and ready for the redeeming grace of the Saviour.

A word spoken pleasantly is a large spot of sunshine on a sad heart. Therefore, “Give others the sunshine, tell Jesus the rest.”

“We cannot know the grief
That men may borrow;
We cannot see the souls
Storm-swept by sorrow;
But love can shine upon the way
Today, tomorrow;
Let us be kind.
Upon the wheel of pain so many weary lives are broken,
We live in vain who give no tender token.
Let us be kind.”

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love” Romans 12:10

Song List

1.  By Your Side-  Tenth Avenue North

2.  Praise You In This Storm-  Casting Crowns

3.  He’s Alive-  Don Francisco

4.  Do You Hear What I Hear?-  Third Day

5.  Little Drummer Boy-  Jars Of Clay

6.  Holly Jolly Christmas-  Burl Ives

7.  How He Loves Us-  Kim Walker/Jesus Culture

8.  Open Hands-  Matt Papa

9. Beautiful-  Vineyard UK

10.  Come, Now Is The Time To Worship-  Brian Doerksen

11.  Eden-  Annie Moses Band

Special report from Joel Kilpatrick of   LARK NEWS.

THIS IS CHRISTIAN SATIRE/HUMOR.  I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT MAKING THAT CLEAR.  ALLAN

DES MOINES — Last month, Lori Danes, 43, called the prayer line of a major television ministry and requested prayer for her mother’s persistent ulcers. But her prayer representative, who called himself “Darren,” prayed in a strong Indian accent that “all the gods would bless her mightily.”
“I was stunned,” Danes says. “It was like I’d called a demon prayer line.”
The manager of India Prayer Solutions, located in Mumbai, India, apologized for the incident and fired the employee who, he said, had not been properly trained. But dozens of similar incidents have rattled U.S. callers since major ministries began outsourcing their prayer lines to India. The ministries insist they are overwhelmed by the growing number of calls for prayer.
“There aren’t enough Americans willing to sit in the prayer tower and take calls anymore,” says a prayer coordinator at a major ministry which jobbed out its prayer lines last year.
But the interactions have left many callers baffled.
Rich Douglas of Orem, Utah, called a prayer line for the first time this month, requesting prayer for his wife’s cancer. His prayer partner, “Stephanie,” took him through a series of prayers that felt “pretty clinical,” says Douglas. “I definitely didn’t sense the Spirit. It sounded like she was reading from a script.”
“Stephanie,” whose real name is Reha Jain, is a Hindu woman who works at a call center in Mumbai and has prayed with “many satisfied prayer customers,” she says. “It’s like my old job at a Microsoft call center. The caller is happy if you deliver quality customer service.”
Her fellow worker Rajneesh Tuwalla likewise had never heard of a single U.S. ministry, but was “sick of working at the Sprint call center,” he says. “The customers always got angry about their bill.”
Tuwalla landed a job at a prayer center and learned to pray “Christian prayers” by watching Kenneth Copeland.
“All the TV preachers pray good, but Copeland prays the best,” says Tuwalla, who mimics Copeland’s style on the phone with callers. Like many service reps, he uses an American name while on the job. In Copeland’s honor, Tuwalla calls himself “Ken.”
Tuwalla has heard the rumors that U.S. ministries may repatriate their call centers. He hopes it isn’t true. At his Sprint job he would have to “run around the block and maybe pull the head off a stray chicken” to settle down every night because of the stress he felt serving demanding U.S. customers. But the prayer center job is more relaxed.
“The callers are very nice,” he says. “I like my life again.”•

Mathew 6:25  Therefore I say to you, Do not be anxious for your life, what you shall eat, or what you shall drink; nor for your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Mathew 6:26  Behold the birds of the air; for they sow not, nor do they reap, nor gather into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them; are you not much better than they are?
Mathew 6:27  Which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his stature?
Mathew 6:28  And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They do not toil, nor do they spin,
Mathew 6:29  but I say to you that even Solomon in his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Mathew 6:30  Therefore if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much rather clothe you, little-faiths?
Mathew 6:31  Therefore do not be anxious, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, With what shall we be clothed?
Mathew 6:32  For the nations seek after all these things. For your heavenly Father knows that you have need of all these things.
Mathew 6:33  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.
Mathew 6:34  Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow; for tomorrow shall be anxious for its own things. Sufficient to the day is the evil of it.

Lest you think otherwise I have no problem with folks who take advantage of Black Friday or any other means to save money.  Allan

New Prayer Requests

Linda Lynch-  Please pray for me and my family, For happiness and peace, And pray for my oldest sister that had a stroke that she will walk again and be able to use her right side again. Please pray for my son and his family that they will find God and get there family back together.

Margaret Mace-  I need prayer for myself and my brother ken hudson, that the will open up new doors for us,I need a job so I can get a place to live, I am living with someone right now but they want me to leave, so i need a job to do that, I can not live with my brother because he is living with some one else also, there no room.I went to Ft. Rucker Al for job and need the lord to open up that door so I can work there.Also we need financail blessing from the lord , also please prayer for peggy newman that lord will give her financail blessing also she is going through alot right now, also I would like the lord to speak to me and show me that he is working everything out for us.If he can send me a sign were I need to be living and working to take care of myself.I am disability and I took care of my parent’s until they die one year ago, they help all the time but my parent’s didn’t have any money to leave us, so we are trying the best we can, also my son is with the lord too,so I have been through many thing’s in my life for 55 yrs old, i keep hope thing’s will look better, becuase I am trust the lord will fix thing’s for me.God Bless You

Past Prayer Requests

Okie Preacher-  His daughter Rachel is hospitalized due to her Bi-Polar Disorder.

Okie Preacher-  Battling unknown physical problems and depression.  “I have a physical problem that the doctors have not been able to identify. It has been characterized by severe muscle pain and weakness, joint pain, fatigue, shortage of breath, dizziness, difficulty swallowing, and coughing fits that almost cause me to pass out.”

Allan-  Pastor John Duncan is hospitalized as the result of a motorcycle accident. His leg was severely damaged. Please pray that John’s leg would heal completely. Update:  John is now home and recovering.  Still needs much prayer as he is dealing with severe pain.

Long Term Prayer Requests

Allan-  Oden’s six month old son had a liver transplant.  Pray that his body doesn’t reject it and that he recovers swiftly and completely.

White Horses- Prayer for anxious thoughts and worrying.

Allan-  My mother is going to need bypass surgery on both legs.  She has Peripheral Arterial Disease.

Shaun Sells-  Keep Shaun in prayer for wisdom as he seeks to continue his ministry to those with mental illness in his church.

Dusty- Continued prayer for deep depression.

Rachel-  Continued prayer as she struggles with bi-polar disorder.

Natalie Tan-   She is battling an eating disorder and has a tough battle ahead of her. There is a new article posted that is about her. She puts a face to eating disorders and is a young woman that will need prayer.

Allan-  Our nephew’s wife has M.S.

Dorci- I would love it if people could pray that our son Eric would fall in love with Jesus and would follow Him with all his heart. Thank you.

miniErunner- Please pray for my best friend’s father. He was just diagnosed with throat cancer and will be starting intense chemo within the next few weeks. Please also pray for his wife and 2 daughters. Pray that they will stay strong through all of this. Update – Surgery was done and his voice box was removed.  He will now undergo further treatment.

The things that make up this blog don’t lend themselves to giddiness and laughter.  I understand that much of what I share here is very sobering.  At the same time I believe that as we confront those things that apply to our lives we can be uplifted and encouraged as God makes Himself known to us in a personal way.

The things shared here are very often read but not commented on.  I used to take that a bit personally as my eyes weren’t in the right place as to what it was I was hoping to accomplish by creating this blog in the first place.  Now I am content with trusting myself and posting things that will be a source of hope and encouragement to some who drop by.  You’ll notice I incorporate humor here as I think it’s important to smile whenever possible.

The topic of suffering and the silence of God seems to be a topic I have been confronted with these last few months.  I have been there and understand what those times were like for me.  Yet I can never know the very real pain some of you carry as the result of past or current events in your life.  Know that my heart is for you and I pray for the people who visit here whenever I can.  At times I know I need to pray more and I hope that is a discipline I will be moving forward in.

I am thankful for each person who drops by and I trust that God would see His will done as it relates to this blog and those who visit.  If I need to change things I will be open to doing so.  I pray nothing but God’s best for each of you.

I am thankful for the many people who have helped me out here.  Many have allowed me to reproduce their writings and others have helped me with my music selections.  I’m thankful for those who I have been able to go to for advice.  I’m thankful for those who choose to participate.  There is so much wisdom shared here from folks who are in the midst of difficult trials.  I’m thankful for a friend I have never met or spoken to who allows me to use her beautiful prayers.  They are powerful and very personal.

I’m thankful to Michael who nudged me to step out and start this blog and for all of the support he has given me.  I’m thankful for every Pastor who has said yes to me when asked about linking to their church.  I pray readers will take a step of faith and visit one if it’s near you.  Who knows what God might do?

I’m thankful that God keeps His promises.  I have no idea what life would be like without His presence in and around me.  I am thankful that when I am unfaithful He is faithful, when I stumble He picks me up, when I sin He doesn’t condemn me, when I feel lonely He is with me, and that He promises to never leave me.

I pray that God would do over and above what each of us might dare to think as we learn to submit our lives to Him on a daily basis.  I pray that we learn to be content in all circumstances and never doubt His love or faithfulness when we are struggling.  And finally I am thankful that every time we miss the mark He is ready, willing, and able to forgive.

I love you all.  Allan

This article is taken from Esperanza magazine which is one of the resources for this blog.  You can find the magazine   HERE.  If you like what you see you can order a subscription.   Allan

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. That famous catch phrase said it all. How wonderful to be Marcia Brady, wholesome girl next door, center of attention, object of envy to her younger sister Jan and countless girls watching her on TV.

But while she played the happy, popular teen on The Brady Bunch, actress Maureen McCormick’s real youth was far from that sitcom world of light-hearted conflicts and innocent family antics.

The actress was 13 when The Brady Bunch debuted on ABC in 1969, and she matured along with her character during the show’s five-year run. On air, she was the darling with long blonde hair, blue eyes and a sweet smile, the “Miss Perfect” that viewers adored. Meanwhile, she hid her private struggles with anxiety, sadness, insecurity and dark family secrets.

“As a teenager, I had no idea that few people are everything they present to the outside world,” she has said. “Yet there I was, hiding the reality of my life behind the unreal perfection of Marcia Brady. No one suspected the fear that gnawed at me even as I lent my voice to the chorus of Bradys singing ‘It’s a Sunshine Day.’”

McCormick’s home life was by no means Brady-esque. Her mercurial father abused and cheated on her mother; of her three older brothers, one battled drug addictions and another was mentally challenged. Her grandmother died in a psychiatric hospital from syphilis and her mother, who contracted the disease at birth, struggled with shame her whole life. McCormick recalls that in inheriting those secrets, she took the “dread, shame and fear” for her own as well—along with the lurking belief that she, too, would go insane and end up in a mental institution.

“So much was going on behind the fake smile,” she writes in her tell-all memoir Here’s the Story: Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice (HarperCollins, 2008), now out in paperback. She goes on to recount her litany of demons: bulimia, drug addictions, paranoia and depression.

Set adrift when The Brady Bunch ended, she took up a hard-partying lifestyle in Hollywood that played havoc with her personal life and acting career. After several trips to rehab, interventions, and experimental therapy, McCormick began getting sober in 1985 when she married aspiring actor Michael Cummings, with whom she has a daughter, Natalie.

Today, at 53, she is living more like a Brady than she ever did as Marcia. She feels more at peace with herself, she says, and her family has grown stronger. Part of the credit goes to finally getting a diagnosis of depression and getting medication for it, and part goes to the emotional freedom she’s found in shedding her secrets.

As for her iconic role, she has come to terms with how much a part of people’s lives Marcia Brady is and always will be. As she writes, “It took most of my life, countless mistakes and decades of pain and suffering to reach this point of equanimity and acceptance.”

Maureen McCormick appeared in the annual “Conversations” series at this year’s American Psychiatric Association conference in San Francisco. As a guest of the American Psychiatric Foundation, she spoke candidly and with humor about her long years of turmoil, her progress toward wellness and the devastating effect secrets can have on mental health. Here she is, in her own words.

Note: The above conversation has been edited for length and clarity

Tale of two families

Q:   Now, initially, when the show (The Brady Bunch) started, I think, you were quite happy with it, and it was exciting and you enjoyed your new family, so to speak. How did it contrast with your regular family?

A:   Wow, it contrasted a lot. The Brady Bunch was this perfect place that you could go to for a half an hour and escape all reality. And my life off-screen was very, very different. I had a lot of things that I was dealing with that were very, very hard. My grandmother died in a mental institution, going insane, not knowing who my mother was. Her husband committed suicide a week later. And my mother… had contracted syphilis [at birth] and grew up with that, and felt very, very guilty and ashamed and it was very, very sad. And she hid for her whole life. And I happened to find out about it one day through my father.

And as soon as I found out about it and found out about the mental institutions and the suicide, I felt like … aha, now I know that maybe this is the reason why I am the way I am. I constantly had racing thoughts when I was growing up. I was very, very sad and down and depressed.

Q:   Surely hearing about the family history of syphilis was a major blow and a turning point and kind of pulled the rug out from under you, but it sounds like even before that you were having some difficulty with modulating your mood.

A:   Yeah, from as far back as I can remember I always really felt like I was alone and had this deep-down sadness … this deep-down pain that wouldn’t go away. And even when I was happy, I still had this pain inside.

Q:   And then on top of all of that, you have the family crisis where your … father had an affair and your mother got upset, right? And then this whole story came out, because he explained why he was distant from her.

A:   Exactly. Yes, I found out that my father had an affair, and it was devastating. And he said the affair was because my mother had a nervous breakdown and was just suffering so much.

Q:   I guess one theme that seems to run through the story is secrets, not always communicating. Of course, that’s true for many families. It’s a lesson that’s hard for us all to learn, but—

A:   Yeah, secrets are no good.…I was brought up in a family where we had so many secrets. And it felt so good to finally come out and to let the world know that I was human, that I was imperfect, and that I did suffer from depression. And that was me. I wasn’t that perfect person that everyone thought I was.

Turned on and tuned out

Q:   So how did this setting lead to your starting to abuse drugs?

A:   Well, it was the ’70s.

Q:   Right.

A:   And I had three older brothers, who were kind of hippies, who experimented in drugs. I had one brother, my middle brother, who experimented so much. He’s a very, very addictive personality. And he became addicted to heroin, and it was awful. I started trying drugs in high school. I started with diet pills, started experimenting with bulimia. And then after The Brady Bunch ended, I got into other drugs. I got into quaaludes, and I got into cocaine. And once I took a hit of coke, I was addicted, and I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t think of anything else.…I was an addict for six years and it nearly killed me—the drug. But it numbed me out from feeling a lot of things that I was feeling. And that’s why I discovered, I think, that I was depressed later on in life, because I had numbed out so much for so long.

Q:   So it was partly the high that you were predisposed to and for whatever reasons couldn’t stop taking, but it was also a way to escape, I guess, or deal with an empty feeling, the times you talk about, right?

A:   Oh, yeah. My whole life I had this empty feeling inside me. I didn’t feel like I was good enough. I had a lot of pain, yeah.

Q:   It seemed from your book that maybe meeting your husband is what really helped you get it all together finally.

A:   Yeah, when I met my husband, my world truly did change. He was the first guy that I could be with where I could show all of my weaknesses, and he still—he loved me, and he accepted me. I remember the first night that we went out, we talked until 3 in the morning, and I told him about my cocaine addiction. I didn’t tell him about my sadness then and my depression. But I figured, hey, if I could tell him about the coke and he was still listening, this was a good thing.

So we dated for three years. It was a very, very rocky relationship. It was very—I was very high and very low all of the time. I would explode over the smallest little things. I would just go crazy.

To finish reading this article click   HERE.

Special report from Joel Kilpatrick of   LARK NEWS.

DES MOINES — Last month, Lori Danes, 43, called the prayer line of a major television ministry and requested prayer for her mother’s persistent ulcers. But her prayer representative, who called himself “Darren,” prayed in a strong Indian accent that “all the gods would bless her mightily.”
“I was stunned,” Danes says. “It was like I’d called a demon prayer line.”
The manager of India Prayer Solutions, located in Mumbai, India, apologized for the incident and fired the employee who, he said, had not been properly trained. But dozens of similar incidents have rattled U.S. callers since major ministries began outsourcing their prayer lines to India. The ministries insist they are overwhelmed by the growing number of calls for prayer.
“There aren’t enough Americans willing to sit in the prayer tower and take calls anymore,” says a prayer coordinator at a major ministry which jobbed out its prayer lines last year.
But the interactions have left many callers baffled.
Rich Douglas of Orem, Utah, called a prayer line for the first time this month, requesting prayer for his wife’s cancer. His prayer partner, “Stephanie,” took him through a series of prayers that felt “pretty clinical,” says Douglas. “I definitely didn’t sense the Spirit. It sounded like she was reading from a script.”
“Stephanie,” whose real name is Reha Jain, is a Hindu woman who works at a call center in Mumbai and has prayed with “many satisfied prayer customers,” she says. “It’s like my old job at a Microsoft call center. The caller is happy if you deliver quality customer service.”
Her fellow worker Rajneesh Tuwalla likewise had never heard of a single U.S. ministry, but was “sick of working at the Sprint call center,” he says. “The customers always got angry about their bill.”
Tuwalla landed a job at a prayer center and learned to pray “Christian prayers” by watching Kenneth Copeland.
“All the TV preachers pray good, but Copeland prays the best,” says Tuwalla, who mimics Copeland’s style on the phone with callers. Like many service reps, he uses an American name while on the job. In Copeland’s honor, Tuwalla calls himself “Ken.”
Tuwalla has heard the rumors that U.S. ministries may repatriate their call centers. He hopes it isn’t true. At his Sprint job he would have to “run around the block and maybe pull the head off a stray chicken” to settle down every night because of the stress he felt serving demanding U.S. customers. But the prayer center job is more relaxed.
“The callers are very nice,” he says. “I like my life again.”•

In my online wanderings I came across a site that caught my attention and so I spent a bit of time checking it out.  After some communication with the owner (Angela) I am offering the site as a resource on this blog.  The name of the site is  “The Silent Suffering”  and can be found by clicking   HERE.     Angela has created a beautiful site with many resources.  Angela has a heart to help others and more importantly a heart for God.  Allan

The following is taken from “The Silent Suffering.”

WHY CREATE THIS WEBSITE?

Because I have had anorexia for 20 years.

Because I have a story to tell.

Because God wants to do something through me.

Because my eating disorder has taken everything from me except my life.  But it’s come close to taking that, too.

Because I have a deep desire to help others who struggle and I don’t want them to have to go through all that I have.

Because eating disorders are some of the most misinterpreted, misunderstood illnesses in existence.

Because even medical care professionals don’t always “get it”.

Because there is a dire need for education and awareness.

Because sufferers and families need support.

Because eating disorders kill.

WHY “THE SILENT SUFFERING”?

Because contrary to popular belief, eating disorders are not an affliction of the spoiled, or a disease of vanity.

Because eating disorders are not always visible to the eye.  Not everyone is emaciated.  Not every eating disordered person who gains weight is “recovered”.  You don’t have to look like you have an eating disorder to have one.

Because an eating disorder is not about food, or weight.

Because eating disorders come from hurt, pain, and loss, and cause a deep, scarring torment that never fully leaves.

Because the worst pain cannot be seen. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not real, or that you can’t feel it.

This article appears on Bill’s blog which you can find   HERE.  I don’t believe the article was intended for those who struggle with mental illness but there are truths found here that are for all of us.  My thanks to Bill for thinking of this blog.  Allan

From what I have seen, a great need among us humans is the need to be accepted. Translate that loved, valued, understood, noticed, heard, appreciated, etc. For now, let’s use the word accepted. 

For many years of my life, I struggled desperately with wanting to be accepted.  I wanted to be able to accept myself, and I wanted others to accept me.  I was extremely unhappy with myself, and quite self condemning.  It was crippling, it held me back, and at times, it felt consuming.  I suppose that I am still predisposed to this sentiment, though God has done an incredible work in me.

I have noticed from my life, and from the lives of others, that the person who is desperate to be accepted will do “whatever it takes” to be accepted.  They will commit crimes, they will give themselves away to others in damaging relationships, they will demean others in order to gain approval, they will anesthetize themselves; the list goes on.  Some will even demand that you accept them no matter what they do, and will continue to push the boundaries to make you prove that you accept them.

The Christian has a great advantage that isn’t always understood or received, but yet remains.  The Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus…

“…He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:4-6

The Christian who is desperate to be accepted by people they can see, will run past the God they can’t see.  They will generally relate to life on the visible plane.  Though their is sufficient faith for salvation, it has stopped there, and satisfaction and purpose is sought from that which is tangible.

They overlook the very truth that can liberate them.

The work of God’s Spirit in directing the Believer away from what is seen, and on to that which is unseen, is the critical experience that needs to transpire.

We worry about people’s opinions of us, when the Highest Opinion is the one that really matters. When I understand and experience the fact that the Highest Opinion accepts me because I am in Christ, I can rest.

God tells us that he has made us acceptable unto Himself, as we are forgiven and united with Christ through faith.  God really does love me and accept me.  As I grow in this truth, I am free to accept others, even though they may be acting out in some of the aforementioned manners.  I am free from my desperate need for approval, because I am walking in the acceptance of God, because of what Christ has done, and continues to do in me.  I can increasingly not worry about what others think, about where I should be in life, about the failures I have made and do make.

The path of this truth becoming a liberating reality can be difficult.  I speak from personal experience, and from 20 years of pastoral observation.  How it happens, how long it takes, etc., is different with everyone, but I do know this:  The person that experiences the liberating acceptance of God is the one who will not let go of God, and continues to pursue God in faith, and seeks to “live by faith and not by sight.”

The person who struggles with acceptance is in pain, and can believe that pain in and of itself is reason enough to not try to push forward in faith.  “Can’t you see that I am hurting”, they ask. “How can I push forward in faith when I feel so bad”?

I have said and felt those same things, but my question to them is this: “How can you NOT push forward towards faith and the promises of God?”  It is God who heals, but we must pursue Him will ALL of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, even though we might be in debilitating emotional and mental anguish.

The distance from feelings to faith can indeed seem like an endless journey, but the Truth is still there for us to apprehend, and it is the best rewarded effort that one can put forth.

C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” (The Problem of Pain, 1940).

One person’s victory is another person’s reminder of failure.

I put my socks on by myself this morning. A minor victory don’t you think? No, not for most of you. Normally–and that word is loaded–I put my socks on every morning without thinking about what I’m doing. However, I hurt my back on Friday afternoon and couldn’t move without help. It hurt to sit, stand, lie down, cough, sneeze or do anything at all. It is amazing how the lumbar muscles connect to just about every other muscle group.

With high doses of anti-inflammatory meds, muscle relaxants, and walking (yes, quite counter-intuitive), I was able to put on my socks by myself by Sunday.

Funny how something we do without thinking one day becomes a huge accomplishment the next day. What changed? My perspective and my standards. If my perspective and standards remain the same, then I don’t view putting on my socks as a minor victory but as sign of continuing failure.

What minor victories do you overlook in your life because your standards and perspective are based on a set of assumptions that no longer fit? What minor victories do you dismiss as meaningless because they don’t seem to make a dent in the progress toward your desired goal? Maybe you handle a difficult situation with grace but because it didn’t turn out well you deem your graciousness to be of little value. Maybe a family member gets up and goes to work despite crushing depression but because they do it without joy, you don’t see the minor victory. Maybe a couple fights without curses and put-downs. Is it yet another minor victory?

This is Thanksgiving week. Let us take special notice of God’s grace and power when we observe minor victories in ourselves and those around us–especially in those areas of chronic struggles.

On Saturday I attended the funeral for a man named Cliff.  He lived 83 years and I barely knew him.  Cliff was one of those who attends a weekly Bible study at the senior mobile home park where my mother lives.  He walked with a cane and it was clear he had trouble moving about.  During the study each time I was there he was one of the quiet ones.  But you could sense that still waters ran deep.

I am not sure what compelled me to attend the funeral as I would not have been expected to attend.  When his wife greeted people she asked who I was in a very polite way.  There were many elderly folks in attendance and it was clear that they were no strangers to saying final goodbyes to those they knew and loved.  Since my mother has attended the studies Cliff is the third or fourth person to have passed on from this small group that gathers weekly.

The Pastor shared that when he went to visit Cliff in the hospital towards the end of his life there was a copy of J. Vernon McGee’s commentary on the Psalms on his lap.  It seemed Cliff found real comfort in that book.  Cliff realized he was dying and the comfort the Psalms must have brought to him was great.  What a testimony to a life given to God and the keeping power of His Word.

I learned that Cliff came from humble beginnings and probably never attained the success that so many of us waste so much effort chasing after.  He worked in one form or other until he was 80.  There probably was no comfortable retirement package for him so Cliff did what was needed to be done to make ends meet.  Cliff was a photographer and a woman shared how each year at family reunions Cliff took the pictures.  For the group shot he would set the camera and then rush to his spot so he would be included in the picture.  Those pictures are still cherished and hold fond memories.

Cliff’s life journey here has ended.  His eternal life has just begun.  Gone are all of the afflictions that plagued him in his later years.  Gone are the disappointments that were a part of this life.  The junk of this world can no longer touch Cliff.  He is safe with his Heavenly Father.  In short time those he left behind will be reunited with him.  But for now God still has work for them to do.  It’s not their time.

We sang at the service.  The Pastor referred to our gathering as a celebration of Cliff’s life.  He could say that knowing for a fact that Cliff was now home.  In the midst of mourning Cliff’s family and friends could take comfort that there is hope.  There’s no mystery, guessing, or uncertainty as to what has become of Cliff.  If we didn’t have that assurance we would mourn as those who have no hope.  It’s that hope his wife and children will cling to as their pain is so fresh and their loss is so real.  There is no weakness or shame in mourning those whom we have loved.  God doesn’t require us to be stoic and non feeling.

Jesus wept.  He was angry.  He was tempted.  Yet without sin.  The expression of emotions is not to be condemned or seen as weak.  God has made us body, soul, and spirit.  God gives us the capacity to love others deeply.  When they are hurting our response is that we hurt for them.  That may include weeping.  Emotions are NOT a sign of weakness.  Bottling them up will lead us to problems down the line.  If Jesus wept then why can’t we?

Each of us are still on that journey God has placed us on.  He will determine when that journey is to end.  Those of us who have or are suffering emotionally understand pain and the overwhelming desire to have that pain go away.  Yet for some that pain is still present.  I don’t know why.  I do know that God is not absent or uninterested in your pain.  Jesus said He would never leave or forsake us.  God’s Spirit indwells each of us.  Greater is He that is in us than he who is in the world.  The work God has begun in us He will complete.  So we cling to the hem of His garment. Where else would we go?

One day our journey will conclude.  But not yet.

1Corinthians 15:50  And I say this, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does corruption inherit incorruption.
1Corinthians 15:51  Behold, I speak a mystery to you; we shall not all fall asleep, but we shall all be changed;
1Corinthians 15:52  in a moment, in a glance of an eye, at the last trumpet. For a trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall all be changed.
1Corinthians 15:53  For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
1Corinthians 15:54  But when this corruptible shall put on incorruption, and when this mortal shall put on immortality, then will take place the word that is written, “Death is swallowed up in victory.
1Corinthians 15:55  O death, where is your sting? O grave, where is your victory?”
1Corinthians 15:56  The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the Law.
1Corinthians 15:57  But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

“He worketh”  Psalms 37:5

The translation that we find in Young of “Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass,” reads: “Roll upon Jehovah thy way; trust upon him: and he worketh.”

It calls our attention to the immediate action of God when we truly commit, or roll out of our hands into His, the burden of whatever kind it may be; a way of sorrow, of difficulty, of physical need, or of anxiety for the conversion of some dear one.

“He worketh.” When? Now. We are so in danger of postponing our expectation of His acceptance of the trust, and His undertaking to accomplish what we ask Him to do, instead of saying as we commit, “He worketh.” “He worketh” even now; and praise Him that it is so.

The very expectancy enables the Holy Spirit to do the very thing we have rolled upon Him. It is out of our reach. We are not trying to do it any more. “He worketh!”

Let us take the comfort out of it and not put our hands on it again. Oh, what a relief it brings! He is really working on the difficulty.

But someone may say, “I see no results.” Never mind. “He worketh,” if you have rolled it over and are looking to Jesus to do it. Faith may be tested, but “He worketh”; the Word is sure!  –V. H. F.

“I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me” Psalms 57:2

The beautiful old translation says, “He shall perform the cause which I have in hand.” Does not that make it very real to us today? Just the very thing that “I have in hand”–my own particular bit of work today, this cause that I cannot manage, this thing that I undertook in miscalculation of my own powers–this is what I may ask Him to do “for me,” and rest assured that He will perform it. “The wise and their works are in the hands of God.”  –Havergal

The Lord will go through with His covenant engagements. Whatever He takes in hand He will accomplish; hence past mercies are guarantees for the future and admirable reasons for continuing to cry unto Him.  –C. H. Spurgeon

Song List

1.  Beautiful One-  Tim Hughes

2.  How Many Kings?  Downhere

3.  Beauty From Pain-  SuperChick

4.  Where You Go I Go-  Kim Walker/ Jesus Culture

5.  Seize The Day-  Carolyn Arends

6. Stille Nacht (Silent Night)-  St. Thomas Boys Choir

7.  Hungry-  Kathryn Scott

8.  The Wonder Of Your Cross-  Robin Mark

9.  From The Inside Out-  Hillsong

10.  My Heart Across The Ocean-  Bob Bennett     For all of our troops.  Bob speaks for the first two minutes.

11.  Let It Rain-  Michael W. Smith

Consider Edwin Friedman’s counsel to leaders in book, A Failure of Nerve (Seabury Books, 2007)

In the search for the solution to any problem, questions are always more important than answers because the way one frames the question, or the problem,  already predetermines the range of answers one can conceive in response. (p. 37)

Seems true for counselors as well. How a counselor begins the exploration of a client’s problem narrows the field of answers as to the problem and solutions. Now, assumptions are always present–especially in questions. So, asking questions doesn’t keep the field of view open unless one is willing to ask questions not normally conceived. It is difficult to remember to ask questions that run counter to our initial hypotheses. And yet such questions are necessary if we are going to counsel actual individuals and not mere figments of our imaginations.

Psalm 106:1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

New Prayer Requests

Linda Lynch-  Please pray for me and my family, For happiness and peace, And pray for my oldest sister that had a stroke that she will walk again and be able to use her right side again. Please pray for my son and his family that they will find God and get there family back together.

Margaret Mace-  I need prayer for myself and my brother ken hudson, that the will open up new doors for us,I need a job so I can get a place to live, I am living with someone right now but they want me to leave, so i need a job to do that, I can not live with my brother because he is living with some one else also, there no room.I went to Ft. Rucker Al for job and need the lord to open up that door so I can work there.Also we need financail blessing from the lord , also please prayer for peggy newman that lord will give her financail blessing also she is going through alot right now, also I would like the lord to speak to me and show me that he is working everything out for us.If he can send me a sign were I need to be living and working to take care of myself.I am disability and I took care of my parent’s until they die one year ago, they help all the time but my parent’s didn’t have any money to leave us, so we are trying the best we can, also my son is with the lord too,so I have been through many thing’s in my life for 55 yrs old, i keep hope thing’s will look better, becuase I am trust the lord will fix thing’s for me.God Bless You

Past Prayer Requests

Okie Preacher-  His daughter Rachel is hospitalized due to her Bi-Polar Disorder.

Okie Preacher-  Battling unknown physical problems and depression.  “I have a physical problem that the doctors have not been able to identify. It has been characterized by severe muscle pain and weakness, joint pain, fatigue, shortage of breath, dizziness, difficulty swallowing, and coughing fits that almost cause me to pass out.”

Allan-  Pastor John Duncan is hospitalized as the result of a motorcycle accident. His leg was severely damaged. Please pray that John’s leg would heal completely. Update:  John is now home and recovering.  Still needs much prayer as he is dealing with severe pain.

Long Term Prayer Requests

Allan-  Oden’s six month old son had a liver transplant.  Pray that his body doesn’t reject it and that he recovers swiftly and completely.

White Horses- Prayer for anxious thoughts and worrying.

Allan-  My mother is going to need bypass surgery on both legs.  She has Peripheral Arterial Disease.

Shaun Sells-  Keep Shaun in prayer for wisdom as he seeks to continue his ministry to those with mental illness in his church.

Dusty- Continued prayer for deep depression.

Rachel-  Continued prayer as she struggles with bi-polar disorder.

Natalie Tan-   She is battling an eating disorder and has a tough battle ahead of her. There is a new article posted that is about her. She puts a face to eating disorders and is a young woman that will need prayer.

Allan-  Our nephew’s wife has M.S.

Dorci- I would love it if people could pray that our son Eric would fall in love with Jesus and would follow Him with all his heart. Thank you.

miniErunner- Please pray for my best friend’s father. He was just diagnosed with throat cancer and will be starting intense chemo within the next few weeks. Please also pray for his wife and 2 daughters. Pray that they will stay strong through all of this. Update – Surgery was done and his voice box was removed.  He will now undergo further treatment.

He is calling us out from Alcoholics Anonymous, out from 12 Step spirituality.

He is our merciful, righteous God.

“Yet I will leave 7,000 in Israel, all the knees that have not bowed to Baal and every mouth that has not kissed him.” 1 Kings 19:18

Here, once again, is the article that exposes this AA deception. LINK: http://www.worldviewtimes.com/article.php/articleid-3537/Brannon-Howse/John-Lanagan

Leslie Vernick has a blog where, once a week she offers answers to difficult questions.  This is a question that we have all wrestled with and there are no simple answers.  Leslie has done an excellent job in addressing it and I know anyone who reads this will take away something positive.   Leslie’s blog is located   HERE.   Allan

Question: Today’s question is one that we all face from time to time. The question is, “How can you know God’s perfect will for your life?” My answer is taken from chapter 1 of my book How to Live Right When Life Goes Wrong, if you’d like to know more about understanding the will of God.

Answer: As a Christian counselor, one of the areas I find many people agonize over is the thought that they have made a terrible mistake and as a result have forfeited God’s best for their lives. Perhaps they think they should have married someone else, or not married the person they did. Maybe they wish they would have chosen a different career path or a different job. Now they feel trapped, wishing they could go back, do it over and make different decisions. Over the years, some of us may have made bad choices, ones that directly contradict God’s word. Other times we have tried hard to discern God’s will, but at times still end up unsure, questioning whether we made the right decision.

Sam was offered a wonderful job opportunity with a new company in California. He prayed about it, had the endorsement of his wife and kids and other good friends and believed that God was giving him the green light to accept this new job. After only five short months the company went out of business and Sam and his family were left with no income, no benefits and a lot of bills. “I really thought I heard the Lord tell me to move,” Sam said as he scratched his head bewildered. “How do you ever know what God’s will is or if you’re making the right decision?”

Like Sam, most of us look at temporal things—like success, personal happiness and good results in order to confirm that our decision was in line with God’s will. Had Sam’s company continued to prosper, Sam would have not have doubted his decision as God’s will. No one who is happily married has second guessed whether she married the right person. We have been taught that if something is God’s will then good results or blessings will follow. If bad things happen, we conclude it is because we must have stepped out of God’s will.

But is this way of thinking Biblical? The apostle Paul thought he was doing God’s will but ended up being shipwrecked (Acts 27). Perhaps God’s will isn’t discerned by looking at the temporal benefits of a decision but in looking at the eternal results. What if God’s primary plan is not to make us successful or prosperous in this life, but to make us more like his Son in the messiness of real life? Is it possible that Sam discerned God’s will correctly after all? Sam was to move to California with this new job, but not for any temporal pleasures he might have attained with a great job and a secure income. It was God’s will that Sam move to California because the hardship that would come from losing his job would build into Sam and his family’s life, the character qualities of Jesus.

Knowing God’s will can be less stressful than we often perceive it to be. Peter tells us rather simply that it is God’s will that we be holy (1 Peter 1:16). Let’s look at this idea more specifically in three spheres of our lives: The things he wants us to be, the things he wants us to do and the personal choices we make.

What We Know God Wants Us To Be
There are many passages in the Bible where God clearly tells us what His he wants us to be. Throughout His Word God tells us to be loving, forbearing, patient, kind, forgiving, generous, thankful, fruitful, humble, obedient, faithful, self-controlled, pure and a myriad of other descriptions of character traits that He’d like us to develop. In these passages, God tells us directly and specifically what we are to be or become. The apostle Paul tells us to be “imitators of God, and live a life of love” (Ephesians. 5:1). These Christ-like character traits are not learned from books or by sitting in church but are often gained through the trials and tribulations that God allows in our life that stretch us and work out our spiritual muscles so that we might grow to be more like Him.

What We Know God Wants Us To Do
Furthermore, His word already tells us a great deal already about what we are to do as believers. He tells us that wherever we are we are to pray without ceasing, to love our enemies, to bless those who hurt us, to speak the truth in love, to spread the gospel, to help widows and orphans, to encourage one another, to submit to one another, to glorify God, to bear one another’s burdens, to overcome evil with good and more. These Christ-like character qualities are to become the attitudes and actions of the Christian who wants to be holy and thus be in God’s will. So often we agonize over trying to figure out God’s will when He already tells us ninety percent of what we are to be and what we are to do in His word.

Personal Choice Within The Wisdom Of God’s Word
Making personal choices is the last sphere of knowing God’s will. It is often the one where we struggle the most. Should I go to Christian College X, Christian College Y or Secular University ABC? Do I become a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or a missionary? Should I marry Tony or Dave? Sam’s decision about moving to California to take the job offer fell into this category. These type of decisions are often made using a combination of God’s word, wisdom, the counsel of others and personal preference. It is sometimes in this area where we question whether we have made an awful mistake and missed God’s will.

Click  HERE to read the rest of Leslie’s answer.

Visit Leslie’s website   HERE.

Learn about Leslie’s new book, “Lord, I Just Want To Be Happy”   HERE.

George Beverly Shea

Dave Burchett has a blog titled “Confessions Of A Bad Christian”  that I link to.  Dave is a very honest and open man who shares in a very honest and open way.  I find his writing refreshing.  This article is Dave doing a self assessment of his faith in light of a song.  What Dave shares has something for all of us to reflect on in a day and age where many are struggling.  You can visit Dave’s blog by clicking    HERE.    Allan

I have been doing this church thing for a lot of years. I have sung hundreds of songs over the four decades or so that I have been darkening the church door. Some songs have great meaning to me. Some lyrics moved me to deep worship of God. Some times I really meant what I was singing. Other times I was singing through the motions while thinking about lunch and when the kick-off was going to happen. Gotta think that Satan loves the ADD brain.

One song that has always made me uncomfortable came up on the iPod today. The song was put to music by the legendary George Beverly Shea in 1932. The words were a poem written by Mrs.Rhea Miller in 1922. Shea recalled the moment.

At the age of twenty-three, I was living at home with my parents, continuing to work at Mutual Life Insurance and studying voice. Going to the piano one Sunday morning, I found a poem waiting for me there. I recognized my mother’s handwriting. She had copied the words of a poem by Mrs. Rhea F. Miller, knowing that I would read the beautiful message, which speaks of choice. As I read these precious words:

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause.
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause.

I found myself singing the words in a melody that expressed the feelings of my heart.”

Thanks to Mr.Shea I found myself going through a rather uncomfortable self-examination today.

I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands,
I’d rather be led by His nail pierced hand.

What a timely verse for times like these. As I watch my worth dwindle daily can I really say that I would rather have Jesus than silver or gold? Maybe our economy will make that decision for me. Do I mean it when I sing that I’d rather be led by his nail pierced hand? Am I prepared to make Jesus more than an “activity” in my busy life? What would I have said if I was the young rich man described in Matthew? Here is the text from The Message.

Another day, a man stopped Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”  Jesus said, “Why do you question me about what’s good? God is the One who is good. If you want to enter the life of God, just do what he tells you.”

The man asked, “What in particular?”

Jesus said, “Don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as you do yourself.” The young man said, “I’ve done all that. What’s left?”

His response has always surprised me. I think I would have begged for mercy after that list. But the young man thought he was doing just fine. And then Jesus exposed his heart.

“If you want to give it all you’ve got,” Jesus replied, “go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me.”

That was the last thing the young man expected to hear. And so, crest-fallen, he walked away. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and he couldn’t bear to let go.

I have held on tight to a lot of things. As I get older I wonder why..

As he watched him go, Jesus told his disciples, “Do you have any idea how difficult it is for the rich to enter God’s kingdom? Let me tell you, it’s easier to gallop a camel through a needle’s eye than for the rich to enter God’s kingdom.”

The disciples were staggered. “Then who has any chance at all?”

Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.”

I can do that. I can trust God. I have no choice because I have a long and spectacular track record of not being able to live this journey on my own ability. The song continues.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame,
I’d rather be true to His holy name.

Given the sales of my books I am pretty safe from the world-wide fame snare. But I do crave men’s applause if I am not careful.

He’s all that my hungering spirit needs,
I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead.

Perhaps the uncertainty in the world will cause all of us to evaluate our dependence on Christ. I hope that I will continue to grow in my desire to echo Paul and his words to the Phillipians.

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”

So can I sing the words of this classic hymn and mean it? I am getting closer as I learn (slowly) to put my full weight on the truths of identity in Christ and grace.