Alex and Kristina thank you so much for providing us with the opportunity to capture your wedding day. My associate and I had a wonderful time capturing and witnessing your beautiful wedding. Please check out my favorite pictures from the events below. Please click on the link below to view their wedding slideshow. Loking Out!!!
LOKITM
ALEX+KRISTINA WEDDING

Bribe the pastor to agree to the ceremony without asking you to sign any paper. If there’s no paper signed then legally the marriage never happened even though the ceremony took place and everyone thinks you’re married. I don’t know why anyone would do such a scam. It only makes sense if one doesn’t want to marry but must appear that they did.

http://thinkaloo.com

http://www.believers.com/believe/bel193.htm   All who acknowledge the Lord Jesus Christ as their Lord belong to His Body, which is the Church.

ROMANS 10:9 NKJ
9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

COLOSSIANS 1:24 NKJ
24 . . . the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church,

1 CORINTHIANS 12:27 NKJ
27 Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.

EPHESIANS 5:30 NKJ
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

The Church, or Body of Christ, is composed of many members. Not every member has the same function or calling. God did not create or call each member to do the same thing.

Others Are ImportantWe should recognize other parts of the Body of Christ and not criticize them. God has not given to any of us full and complete understanding of everything. Because we do not know what God has called others to do, we cannot judge whether they are being faithful to do God’s will.

We should assist, encourage, bless, and pray for other members of the Body — just as we would members of our physical body.

Different TasksA big temptation is to assume everyone should be doing what God has called us to do. God has made it clear to us, shown us the need and importance — so that we will do what He has called us to do.

But, we must always remember that we are not the head of the Body of Christ — we are only members who take our orders from the Head.

Because God loves everyone and desires to help them, He calls people to minister to them on a level and in a way that they will receive. Because people will never all be the same, ministers of God will always be different also.

Different GiftsROMANS 12:4-8 NKJ
4 For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function,
5 so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.
6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith;
7 or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching;
8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.

Many Members1 CORINTHIANS 12:12,14,17-27 NKJ
12 For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ.
14 For in fact the body is not one member but many.
17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling?
18 But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased.
19 And if they were all one member, where would the body be?
20 But now indeed there are many members, yet one body.
21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”
22 No, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary.
23 And those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty,
24 but our presentable parts have no need. But God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it,
25 that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another.
26 And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.
27 Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.

Each Member Does Its ShareEPHESIANS 4:11-16 NKJ
11 And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers,
12 for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ,
13 till we all come to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;
14 that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness by which they lie in wait to deceive,
15 but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head — Christ –
16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

Do Not Judge OthersROMANS 14:4 NKJ
4 Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.

Most likely, we will not understand, or agree with, all that other members of the Body of Christ may do. That is because our assignment is different, and we do not have all the knowledge that our Head, the Lord Jesus Christ, does.

ROMANS 14:10,13 NKJ
10 But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.
13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

DivisionThe devil wants to bring division and strife to the Body of Christ — over anything — in any possible way. We must resist the devil and walk with God in peace and love.

MARK 3:24 NKJ
24 “If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.

1 CORINTHIANS 3:3 NKJ
3 for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?

JUDE 1:19 NKJ
19 These are sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit.

TITUS 3:10 NKJ
10 Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition,

1 CORINTHIANS 1:10,13 NKJ
10 Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.
13 Is Christ divided? . . . .

Love As ChristWhen we criticize others who claim to be following Jesus, we show our spiritual immaturity. Jesus commanded us to love with an unselfish, self-sacrificing love. He said people would know those who were His followers because they would display His kind of love.

JOHN 13:34-35 NKJ
34 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
35 “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

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by Travers and Jewel van der Merwe

DEDICATION

This Book is Dedicated to Travers van der Merwe (1935-1995).

The burning passion of Travers’ heart was to give a clarion call to the Church that he saw falling in line with Gnosticism and leaving the simplicity of the Word of God.

In severe pain he preached his last message on the subject of mysticism. After his departure from this life, the following definition was found in his jacket pocket, in his handwriting:
“Mysticism: The timeless quest for higher/hidden truth, spiritual experiences and knowledge of God by using imagination, intuition, so-called ‘Holy Spirit revelations’ and subjective feelings rather than fact, reason and the undistorted Word of God.”<

FOREWORD

The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us. (Ecclesiastes 1:9-10)
Some books are written before their time. This is one such book. It was never our privilege to know Travers van der Merwe but we had heard of his exemplary walk before God and man while on Earth. While battling cancer, a painful ordeal that lasted for many years, Travers and his wife Jewel penned this book. He saw an ancient heresy arising in the modern Christian church and it weighed heavily on his heart.

After the book was completed, it lay dormant for several years. In the meantime much was happening in the Christian church nationally and internationally to confirm that there was a revival going on – not accompanied by repentance and a turning away from dead works – but of Gnosticism.

Gnosticism has a chameleon-like ability to appear like the genuine article, true Christianity, and thus has managed to transform itself to fit the times in countless new wrappings over the centuries. It particularly adapts itself to that place where the ideas of the east and west meet. Whenever eastern mysticism and western rationalism collide, one can find there the seedbed for a pseudo-Gospel that mimics the real thing.

Gnosticism is fool’s gold, shiny and beckoning on the surface, yet phoney. Modern Saints are poorly equipped to recognise the counterfeit. Much Gnosticism enters the Church via the popular Christian media, where the real and the false get mixed up in a garbled soup of doctrines and teachings. The rise of the New Age movement, and the extent to which it has permeated Christian thinking, further clouds the issue. How is a Christian to sort out these strange teachings?

When Jewel first sent us the unpublished manuscript for the book it was because we had been asking her for more information about the rise of modern Gnosticism. The book, she said, would answer many of our questions. Indeed, it did. So many, in fact, that we then began pressing her to let us publish the book. We believed that it should be widely disseminated and read by Christians who were seeking to understand their growing uneasiness with the “new” moves of God, signs and wonders, “laughing revivals”, and ecumenical unity.

Strange Fire is a brief, easy-to-understand book that explains how to tell the Truth from the Lie. It doesn’t dwell on the spectacular manifestations, but concisely illustrates modern Gnosticism. The real gold of the Gospel is presented in such a way that it outshines the fool’s gold of Gnosticism. Readers will have no doubt as to which is which. This handy tool enables even the unlearned to discern Gnosticism the next time they encounter it.

This is one little book that may save many a soul from walking into the error and falsehood so prevalent in our time.

Lynn & Sarah Leslie; December 1995

Spiritual Abuse

by David Henke

Founding Date: Spiritual abuse is as old as false religion itself. While the practice is old, the term “spiritual abuse” may have been coined first by Jeff VanVonderen.

Organizational Structure: Can occur under virtually any organizational structure, but “top down” hierarchical structures are especially well suited to systemic spiritual abuse.

DEFINED

Spiritual abuse is the misuse of a position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interests of someone other than the individual who needs help. Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times it occurs because of legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means. Spiritually abusive religious systems are sometimes described as legalistic, mind controlling, religiously addictive, and authoritarian.

COMMON CHARACTERISTICS

#1) Authoritarian

The most distinctive characteristic of a spiritually abusive religious system, or leader, is the over-emphasis on authority. Because a group claims to have been established by God Himself the leaders in this system claim the right to command their followers.

This authority supposedly comes from the position they occupy. In Matthew 23:1-2 Jesus said the Scribes and Pharisees “sit in Moses’ seat,” a position of spiritual authority. Many names are used but in the abusive system this is a position of power, not moral authority. The assumption is that God operates among His people through a hierarchy, or “chain of command.” In this abusive system unconditional submission is often called a “covering,” or “umbrella of protection” which will provide some spiritual blessing to those who fully submit. Followers may be told that God will bless their submission even if the leadship is wrong. It is not their place to judge or correct the leadership – God will see to that.

#2) Image Conscious

The abusive religious system is scrupulous to maintain an image of righteousness. The organization’s history is often misrepresented in the effort to demonstrate the organization’s special relationship to God. The mistaken judgements and character flaws of its leaders are denied or covered up in order to validate their authority. Impossibly high legalistic standards of thought and behavior may be imposed on the members. Their failure to live up to these standards is a constant reminder of the follower’s inferiority to his leaders, and the necessity of submission to them. Abusive religion is, at heart, legalism.

Abusive religion is also paranoid. Because the truth about the abusive religious system would be quickly rejected if recognized, outsiders are shown only a positive image of the group. This is rationalized by assuming that the religion would not be understood by “worldly” people; therefore they have no right to know. This attitude leads to members being secretive about some doctrines and the inner policies and proceedures of the group. Leaders, especially, will keep secrets from their members. This secrecy is rooted in a basic distrust of others because the belief system is false and can not stand scrutiny.

#3) Suppresses Criticism

Because the religious system is not based on the truth it cannot allow questions, dissent, or open discussions about issues. The person who dissents becomes the problem rather than the issue he raised. The truth about any issue is settled and handed down from the top of the hierarchy. Questioning anything is considered a challenge to authority. Thinking for oneself is suppressed by pointing out that it leads to doubts. This is portrayed as unbelief in God and His anointed leaders. Thus the follower controls his own thoughts by fear of doubting God.

#4) Perfectionistic

A most natural assumption is that a person does not get something for nothing. Apart from the express declarations of salvation by grace through faith God has given in the scriptures, it would be natural to think that one must earn salvation, or at least work to keep it. Thus, in abusive religions all blessings come through performance of spiritual requirements. Failure is strongly condemned so there is only one alternative, perfection. So long as he thinks he is succeeding in his observation of the rules, the follower typically exhibits pride, elitism, and arrogance. However, when reality and failure eventually set in, the result is the person experiences spiritual burnout, or even shipwreck of his faith. Those who fail in their efforts are labeled as apostates, weak, or some other such term so that they can be discarded by the system.

#5) Unbalanced

Abusive religions must distinguish themselves from all other religions so they can claim to be distinctive and therefore special to God. This is usually done by majoring on minor issues such as prophecy, carrying biblical law to extremes, or using strange methods of biblical interpretation. The imbalanced spiritual hobby-horse thus produced represents unique knowledge or practices which seem to validate the group’s claim to special status with God.

BIBLICAL RESPONSE

Examples of spiritual abuse are found throughout the Bible. God describes (and condemns) the “shepherds of Israel” who feed themselves rather than the flock, who do not heal those who are hurting, or seek to bring back those who were driven away but rather discard them, ruling with force and cruelty (Ezekiel 34:1-10). Jesus reacted with anger against the thievery of the money changers in the Temple as they misused God’s people for selfish reasons (Matthew 21:12-13; Mark 11:15-18; Luke 19:45-47; John 2:13-16). He was angry at those more concerned with rules and regulations than with human suffering (Mark 3:1-5). In Matthew 23, Jesus describes the abusive spiritual leader in great detail. In John 9 the Pharisees “cast out” the man born blind simply because the truth he told about his healing exposed their own corruption. In Acts 7:51-56, Stephen called the Jewish leaders to account over their spiritual abuse. His testimony of Christ vindicated Jesus, whom they had abused, and condemned them. The legalistic Jews were so angry they stoned Stephen to death. In Galatians Paul addressed a performance based Christianity which leads to the abuse of legalism. There are many more such examples.

As God in human flesh, Jesus had legitimate spiritual authority. But He did not exercise it to gain power for Himself, or to abuse and control others with rules and regulations. He said, “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28). The Greek word for “heavy laden” is phortizo which means here “to overburden with ceremony (or spiritual anxiety)” (Strong’s Concordance #5412). Jesus gave a balanced perspective on positional authority when he said, “But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren” (Matthew 23:8). He gave another key to discernment when He taught, “He that speaketh of himself seeketh his own glory…” (John 7:18a).

Jesus was not “image conscious.” He was willing to associate with wine drinkers, cheating tax collectors and even prostitutes. He accused the legalistic Pharisees of “teaching for doctrine the commandments of men” (Matthew 15:9) and likened their showy, hypocritical outward rightousness to “whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness” (Matthew 23:27).

Neither was He paranoid. His ministry was conspicuously open to the public. When He was on trial (John 18) He was asked about His teachings and His reply was, “Why askest thou me?” Jesus pointed out that He always taught in public, and never in secret, so why not ask His disciples. He had nothing to hide.

Jesus did not fear to criticize the religious leaders or their faulty doctrines (e.g. Matthew 15:1-9; 23:1-39, etc.). And when confronted with criticism or with treacherous questions designed to discredit Him, His response was never to simply demand silence or only positive recognition from His accusers. Rather, He gave answers – scriptural and reasonable answers – to their objections (e.g. Luke 7:36-47; Matthew 19:3-9).

Jesus upheld the high standard of the Law, yet He clearly placed the legitimate needs of people before any rules or regulations (Matthew 12:1-13; Mark 2:23-3:5). The scriptures make it clear that no one will cease to sin in this life (Ecclesiastes 7:20; 1 John 1:8). Jesus made it plain, however, that one can know in this life that one has eternal life (John 5:24; 6:37-40), a theme developed by Paul throughout his epistles, and by John (1 John 5:10-13).

The Pharisees, quintessential spiritually abusive leaders, were quite unbalanced in their perception of what mattered most to God. Jesus said they, “…pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, – judgment, mercy, and faith….” (Matthew 23:23).

EFFECTS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Spiritual abuse has a devastating effect on people. A very high level of trust is often placed in spiritual leaders. It is, and ought to be, expected that the trust will be honored and guarded. When such trust is violated the wound is very deep. Sometimes the wound is so deep that the wounded person cannot trust even a legitimate spiritual authority again.

An analogous situation exists with the victims of incest. The emotional and psychological symptoms exhibited by victims of incest parallel those of spiritual abuse to a remarkable degree. The main symptom is the inability to relate normally to people who represent the source of their emotional injury.

Besides an unhealthy fear of, and disillusionment with, spiritual authorities, the spiritually abused person may find it difficult to trust even God. “How could (or why did) He let this happen to me?” Anger is also deeply felt. Anger itself is not always wrong – God Himself expresses anger at such spiritual abuse (see Biblical Response, above). However, even legitimate anger, if not properly channeled and dealt with, can degenerate into bitterness and cynicism toward everything spiritual.

RECOVERY FROM SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Healthy recovery from spiritual abuse must begin with understanding what has happened and how. A victim usually thinks he is the only one experiencing these problems. Just being able to give a name to the problem is important. There are many books on the subject (see Resources, below) that will be helpful in learning about spiritual abuse and recovery.

Afterward the abused person must learn the true nature of God’s grace, love and forgiveness. This is the foundation for being able to eventually forgive the abuser. Being able to share the experience and what has been learned so as to minister to someone else’s need is also very important. This could be done in a support group made up of people with a similar experience who can share the healing love of Christ.

Finally, a lot of time must be allowed for full recovery.

RESOURCES

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen, Bethany House Publishers. Dynamite! Excellent help for recognizing and escaping spiritual manipulation and false spiritual authority within the Church. 235 pages-$10.

Faith That Hurts, Faith That Heals, by Stephen Arterburn, and Jack Felton, Thomas Nelson Publishers. Very thorough treatment, analyzes beliefs that make harmful faith, religious addiction, etc. as well as treatment and recovery, and the characteristics of healthy faith. 320 pages-$11.

Breaking Free, by David R. Miller, Baker Book House. Speaking first-hand from the experiences of his own family, Miller penetrates virtually every nuance of legalism and its insidious effects on individual and family life. 176 pages-$10.

Wisdom Hunter, be Randall Arthur, Multnomah Press. Taut, fast-paced thriller presents a powerful message about the damage caused by Christian legalism. 323 pages-$10.

Churches That Abuse, by Ronald Enroth, Zondervan. Providing real-life examples throughout, Enroth probes every corner of the abusive church. He also provides help to find the way out, and back to God’s healing. 253 pages, endnotes-$6.

The Excellent Wife

Lesson 22 “Home – The Wife’s Domain”

Part Three: A Worker at Home

The following is a summary adaptation of material from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. Used by permission.

Last week we learned that being a “worker” means that I, as the wife, take on the role of caring for the needs of those in my home. In order to accomplish this, I must make a conscience effort to put off the old unproductive habits, and to put on the new productive habits as taught from the Word of God. One of the main points that we discussed was that wife must be careful to be efficient in her tasks and not waste her time in an unproductive manner. Also, she mustn’t be “lazy.” A lazy wife was described as one who’s not eager nor willing to work. Not willing to exert (apply) oneself. We also looked at some of the similarities of laziness such as being slothful, slack, negligent, apathetic (having a non-caring attitude), inactive, neglectful and full of procrastination.

Today we’re going to study in detail the characteristics of a `LazyPerson/Wife’ versus those of a `Self-Disciplined Person/Wife. On page75 Mrs.Peace shows us a list of those characteristics. What I really like about this list is that Mrs.Peace uses the book of Proverbs to enlighten our hearts. Let’s examine the characteristics of the Lazy Person.

“How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest; and your poverty will come in like a vagabond, and your need like an armed man.” Proverbs 6:9-11

“But he who sleeps in harvest is a son who acts shamefully.” Proverbs10:5b

“The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting…” Proverbs 12:27a

“He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys.” Proverbs 18:9

“Laziness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle man will suffer hunger.” Proverbs 19:15

“I passed by the field of the sluggard, and by the vineyard of the man lacking sense; and behold, it was completely overgrown with thistles, its surface was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down. When I saw, I reflected upon it; I looked, and received instruction. “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest,” Then your poverty will come as a robber, and your want like an armed man.”Proverbs 24:30-34

These are definitely some absorbing and truthful thoughts worth our consideration. Study the characteristics of a “lazy person/wife.”This is what I noted from these passages of scripture concerning the Lazy Wife: She’s a sluggard, has a passion for sleep, will become poor, she’s overtaken by her own needs, slothful, full of shame and becomes a shame to others, consistently slack in her work, a destroyer of good things, lazy, idle, will suffer hunger, lacks good sense. This wife is a great burden to her family! Eventually, her home life will become a reflection of her laziness.(see Proverbs 24:30-34). Now, let’s examine the characteristics of a Self-Disciplined Person:
“Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which, having no chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer,and gathers her provision in the harvest.” Proverbs 6: 6-8

“He who gathers in summer is a son who acts wisely…but the precious possession of a man is diligence.” Proverbs 12:27

“The ants are not a strong folk, but they prepare their food in the summer.” Proverbs 30:25

“She arises while it is still night, and gives food to her household, and portions to her maidens.” Proverbs 31:15

“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27
This is what I noted from these passages of scripture concerning the Self-Disciplined Wife: she is a preparer, she acts wisely, she’s sensible, clever and skillful, she makes use of her time and is never idle (rising earlier than usual, if necessary to run a smooth and efficient home), she’s unselfish, she’s a giver, she’s aware of her family’s needs. This wife is a great blessing to her family . She looks well to the ways of her household. (See Proverbs 31:27). I encourage each of us to study carefully and open-minded the character traits in both examples. I pray that if you are convicted by the Lord in any area, that you will have a humble heart and go to the Lord in prayer.

God convicts us of sin because He loves us. He wants to bring us to the place where He desires us to be. Hebrews 12:6 and 11 come to my mind as I think about the chastening/discipline of the Lord:
Hebrews 12:6, 11 says “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth…Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”
With the help of the Lord you can become the self-disciplined wife that God desires you to become. When looking at this lesson, I find that it’s easy to feel discouraged. However, we know that this is not the intent. The intent is to get us to move into a right relationship with the Lord. The Lord wants to conform us to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. This is the reason why we live. So that we can live our lives unto Him. We must always be mindful to view ourselves in light of God’s Word. God’s standard must never be substituted for our own self-designed standards. However, the wife must find a balance in her work. Her duties must never take the place of her affection to her husband/children. It is a sin to put more importance on the cleanliness of the home and the care of things than on the people who God has entrusted to you. A wife who has her heart “set on” having a perfect house probably has an idol in her heart. Being a perfectionist makes everyone miserable. We must come to grips that things will not always be perfect! You must be careful not to create a home where your family feels unimportant. A home should be a home of love, where everyone is comfortable to be there. It should be a “haven of rest” from the cares and concerns of the world. As you seek the Lord for ways to be creative and useful, He will guide you in your day. When you feel overwhelmed, you must stop, and go to Him in prayer. He’ll give you that little refreshment of His Spirit to help you accomplish your tasks. God takes delight in helping you! Tell Him how you’re feeling and be reminded of His faithfulness in the past as you seek His help. Then you’ll be able to refocus on the Lord’s plan for you in all that you do.

More than anything, I pray that you will not be discouraged from this lesson, but rather encouraged in your spirit, that the Lord is more than willing and He’s able to assist you moment by moment. He is concerned about all that concerns you.I will close with these thoughts from Mrs. Peace. On page 76 she says,“If you are intent on keeping the perfect house or you are lazy and not fulfilling your responsibilities at home, you are sinning. Confess that sin to God and to your family. Ask their forgiveness. Begin to do all your work as “unto the Lord.” The world makes fun of the “June Cleavers,” that devoted television wife and mother from the 1950’s. The world is deceived. You can by God’s grace, begin today to be the excellent wife in Proverbs 31:27 as you “look well to the ways of your household and do not eat the bread of idleness.”

Set your heart on glorifying the Lord. Next week, we will continue with part four of “Home – The Wife’s Domain.” In that lesson we will be discussing how the wife can begin to create a Godly Atmosphere in the Home. We will see how often it is the wife/mother who “sets the tone” in the home. I am excited because this lesson deals with our attitudes concerning the work/tasks that we have to perform. How we do them really says a lot about us and our relationship with the Lord. We will see the importance of allowing God’s joy to permeate our being so that our family will be drawn to that same joy and love in Christ.
“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame,and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
Taken from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, pp 75-76. Copyright 1999, Focus Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes of this devotional series only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without the express consent of the publisher.

The Excellent Wife

Lesson 23 “Home – The Wife’s Domain”

Part One: Creating a Godly Atmosphere in the Home

The following is a summary adaptation of material from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. Used by permission.

This is part one of a two part lesson entitled, “Creating a Godly Atmosphere in the Home.” The previous lessons have truly been a blessing to me as God has shed light on many areas in my life that I need to allow Him to take over and control. I am always amazed at His love for me and how He’s provided the way for me to live victoriously as set forth in His Word. I pray that you too have received an abundance of the Lord’s blessings as you’ve studied these lessons.

Let’s recap last weeks lesson. We studied in detail the characteristics of a `Lazy Person/Wife’ versus those of a `Self-Disciplined Person/Wife. We looked carefully at the characteristics of both of these women. This is what we noted from the passages of scripture concerning the Lazy Wife:

She:

• is a sluggard
• has a passion for sleep
• will become poor
• is overtaken by her own needs
• slothful
• full of shame and becomes a shame to others
• consistently slack in her work
• a destroyer of good things
• lazy, idle
• will suffer hunger
• lacks good sense.

This wife is a great burden to her family! Eventually, her home life will become a reflection of her laziness. (See Proverbs 24:30-34).

By contrast, we noted from the passages of scripture concerning the Self-Disciplined Wife:

She

• is a preparer
  
• acts wisely,
• is sensible
• clever and skillful
• makes use of her time
• never idle (rising earlier than usual, if necessary to run a smooth and efficient home)
• unselfish–a giver
• aware of her family’s needs

This wife is a great blessing to her family. She looks well to the ways of her household. (See Proverbs 31:27).

It’s important for me to recap these characteristics so that we can see the how they apply to this weeks lesson, “Creating a Godly Atmosphere.” How we act is a direct reflection of what we think. Mrs. Peace begins by quoting this simple phrase; “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Most of us have seen or even used this phrase in our time. This saying does have some truth behind it. Why? Because the Wife and Mother does “set the tone” in the home. Her tone can be one that spreads “optimism” (creating hope), or it can be a tone that creates “despair” (creating a loss of hope). God wants you to set a tone of “joy” as you delight in serving Him.

On page 77, Mrs. Peace has this to say about the tone the wife portrays:
“The wife and mother who views life as a “cross to bear” influences the others in the home to think the same way. She easily robs everyone else of joy and like the yeast in the bread she bakes, her ungodly attitudes spread to everyone else. If your family were called upon to describe you, what would they say? Would they report that you are a godly Christian woman who loves life and loves her Lord? Or would they report that you are an unhappy, complaining, bitter woman?”
You may be wondering how you can begin to “cultivate” a joyful attitude as you go about your day. First let’s examine the word”cultivate.” It is mainly used in relationship to gardening or cropping. This will help us to see what it means to “begin to cultivate a joyful attitude.”Cultivate means, “to prepare (land) for growing crops; to till, to loosen the soil and kill weeds around (plants) to grow; to develop or improve (cultivate your mind). Are you beginning to see the picture?

In relationship to the wife having a joyful attitude, she must first repair her heart to receive the seed of God’s Word in order that she may begin to grow plants of joy, biblical optimism, and delight, as she carries out her God-given role of Wife/Mother. As you start developing these attitudes, by replacing sinful thoughts with biblically optimistic thoughts, God begins to break-up the soil and pull up the weeds (sinful attitudes), then you begin to sprout spiritually as you become more like Christ. As the process is started your mind improves as you shift your focus to glorifying the Lord. How then do we start? Begin by finding scriptures that point to God’s goodness. Begin to meditate on them throughout your day. When you are overwhelmed, stop, and go to God’s Word . Recall His goodness, bask in His faithfulness, wallow in His promises and know for sure that He is near. It’s a good practice to sing of His goodness as well. The scripture is full of accounts of God’s people when we’re faced with difficult decisions and even despair, yet they praised the Lord! Their hope was in Him. Scripture tells us to “set our minds on things above, where Christ is…. (See Colossians 3:1-4). Begin to incorporate scripture and songs of praise that glorify God and speak of His greatness and power. You will be amazed at the change of your outlook as well as the change in your attitudes.

To help us get started on our glorious journey of “cultivating a spirit of joy in our hearts,” let’s search the scriptures. Look closely at the following verses. ( Notice how each one speaks about our attitude and the stand we should take when faced with difficulty :
Ephesians 5:19-20 says;”Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
When you feel down, you may find it difficult to give thanks. Thank God, not for your problems but for the strength He is building in you through the difficult experiences of your life. You can be sure that God’s perfect love will see you through.
Psalm 69:30 says;”I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify Him with thanksgiving.”
God is honored when we give thanks to Him and when our lives reflect the same. The only genuine source of happiness is God, and we receive lasting joy only by seeking Him.
Psalm 50:23 says;”Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.”
When you choose to praise God rather than complain and moan, He says that He’s glorified! This means that God is honored when we praise Him. Even more so, when your conversation is ordered aright (befitting a child of God), God promises to show forth His salvation. He will deliver you from the trouble that you face. This scripture offers great hope to anyone who struggles with being controlled by the Holy Spirit. The Lord will help you to endure and make it through victoriously! We must plan to obey the Lord. I have asked the Lord to help me to delight in being obedient to Him.
II Chronicles 16:9 declares, “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.”
God is faithful and will keep His promise concerning you. Psalm 34:1 says; “I will bless the Lord at all times: His praises shall continually be in my mouth.”We should constantly reflect on the goodness of God and be in constant awareness of His great blessings toward us. It’s a sad thing if we need to stop and try to remember the goodness of God, because His loving kindness is new to us every morning that we awake. Our mouths should be filled with praise and honor to God all the day. (See Psalm 71:8).

In all of these scriptures we notice that praise has to do with the condition of the heart. It’s a reflection of the attitude. It also portrays how you view God. It’s closely linked with worship and thanksgiving. To worship the Lord means to give Him your whole being, your entire person. This says that you consent to His transforming work in your life. By this you choose to let Him be God in your life. This is a great privilege and the highest thing that you can do. Again, worship, praise and thanksgiving overlap as we glorify and enjoy God our Father. So in praise we admire God for who He is and what He’s done. We celebrate His majesty and splendor, His sovereignty, His limitless power, and His bountiful love. In praise we exalt His name, we magnify Him. When we praise God, we speak of His greatness to others as well as directly to Him. Praise radiates the glory of God to His delight and ours. We can see clearly that as we delight in the Lord, we no longer have room/space to grumble and complain. Our eyes are shifted off of our light and momentary tasks/afflictions to the glory and magnificence of Almighty God.

This is why it’s of importance and necessary for the wife to “cultivate” a spirit of joy and delight in the Lord, as she begins to create a godly atmosphere in her home. I encourage you to meditate and reflect upon God’s goodness. Begin daily by reminding yourself that “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” Don’t allow Satan to rob you of the joy of your salvation. Study the scriptures that are in this lesson as well as others, that will help you to see God as He is; He’s mighty, All-knowing, All-Sufficient, Divine Provider, All-powerful, Always-present, The God of all Comfort, Everlasting,

Friend, a loving Father, The Great I Am……He possesses all of these attributes and even more. Get to know your God , He’s waiting to reveal Himself to you. My prayer is that through this study you will be able to say with Nehemiah, “The Joy of the Lord is my strength.”

Next week we will finish our discussion (part two) on; “Creating a Godly Atmosphere in the Home.” We will find encouragement from God’s word to help us in our daily walks as we are assured of His mercy and grace to help us along the way.

Taken from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, pp 77-78. Copyright1999, Focus Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes of this devotional series only.

The following is a summary adaptation of material from "The Excellent Wife"
by Martha Peace. Used by permission.
Taken from "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, pp 93--96.

In our last lesson we looked a great deal into the doctrine of bitterness.
We saw how easily it becomes to respond with bitterness when we take our eyes
off of Christ and focus on our hurts and disappointments.  We were reminded
that the road of bitterness leads to ultimate destruction.  It is not a road
that God desires for His children to travel.  We have the power of Christ
within us to say no to the workings of the flesh and yes to the spirit which
leads to life.

We left off looking at how to begin the process of the "Put-Off" "Put-On"
method, that we see in Ephesians 4:31-32.  God is very clear in His
instructions to us:

-"Put Off" all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice;
-"Put On" kindness, tenderheartedness and forgiving thoughts/actions.

The way to become kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving is to replace your
'unrighteous' thoughts with 'righteous' thoughts. 

On pages 94-95 Mrs. Peace gives us a list of 20 bitter thoughts and 20 ways
to respond with kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving thoughts.  These can be
practiced in any given situation.  Again, God has given us clear instructions
in His Word telling us what His will is for our actions/lives.  He wants you
to put off those old harmful habits, which is referred to as the "old man,"
and to be renewed in the spirit of your mind as you put on the "new man,"
which is created after God in righteousness and true holiness.  The "new man"
is Christ 'formed' in the believer.
(See Ephesians 4:22-24)

I encourage each of you to meditate and study carefully Ephesians 4:17-32,
which gives very clear guidance on the practice of "putting off" and "putting
on."

I will only list 10 of the 20 examples so that you can carefully study them.
Notice the importance of "what you think"...

-Bitter Thoughts:
1) "He doesn't love me.  He only loves Himself."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
1) "He does not show love as he should but his capacity to love can grow.
(Colossians 3:14)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
2) "I do so much for him and look what I get in return!"

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
2) "I wonder if I could do something differently to make it easier for him."
(Philippians 2:3-4)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
3) "I can't believe what the has done to me!"

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
3) "What h has done is difficult but God will give me the grace to get
through it."
(I Corinthians 10:13)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
4) "This is more than I can bear. There is no hope."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
4) "There is nothing that has happened that God cannot forgive, that I cannot
forgive, and that we can't work through." (I John 1:9)
---------------------------------------------------------
Bitter Thoughts:
5) "We never should have gotten married in the first place."

- Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
5) "He is my husband and I am committed to him no matter what." (Matthew 19:6)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
6) "He'll never change."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
6) "By God's grace, he can change." (I Corinthians 6:11)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
7) "God understands that I can't take this."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
7) "God will give me the wisdom and grace to hang in there." (James 1:5)
---------------------------------------------------------
Bitter Thoughts:
  "I prayed about it and have 'peace' about pursuing the divorce."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
  "It would be nice to have this settled but I am committed to proceeding in
the way God has determined"
(Colossians 3:2)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
9) "I wish he were dead."

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
9) "I pray that God will have mercy on him and he will repent." (2 Peter 3:9)
--------------------------------------------------------
-Bitter Thoughts:
10) "How could God let him do this to me?"

-Kind, Tenderhearted, & Forgiving Thoughts:
10) "God has a purpose in all that I am experiencing.  He can and will use it
for my good if I respond in love to God." (Romans 8:28-29)
********************************************************

Some of these bitter thoughts may seem funny to some of you, they may seem
unimportant to some, and to others they may be your thoughts in the past and
your thoughts right now.   Whatever the case may be, I want you to know that
these thoughts are not of God.  He wants to free you from those thoughts and
actions that seek to destroy your life.  Our thought life is so important
that God told us to cast down every imagination and high thing that exalteth
itself against the knowledge of God, and to bring into captivity every
thought to the obedience of Christ. (See II Corinthians 10:5)

As the wrong/unrighteous thought comes into your mind, don't dwell on it,
don't act upon it.  Immediately confess it to God as wrong/unrighteous and
counteract that thought with the Mighty Word of God. That's as far as you let
those type of thoughts go. Take it captive to the obedience of Christ.

To help you be open and honest with the Lord about your thoughts, Mrs. Peace
suggests that you begin keeping a brief journal of your bitter thoughts.
Write down what you are thinking, and then write next to it a Kind,
tenderhearted, forgiving thought. I encourage you to back that thought with
the Word of God.  Write down a scripture that pertains to the kind of thought
your having.  Memorize it.  Knowledge comes from the Word of God.  We need
more than just a "good thought."  God's Word is the only transforming power
in our life with lasting results.  You are bringing those thoughts captive to
the obedience of Christ.  When you stop the thought from going any further,
from turning into an action, you have caused it to become prisoner and obey
the Word of God.  To let the thought out and transform into action, is to let
the prisoner go free.  Think about it....

I think the journaling is a way to be open and honest with the Lord.  I
believe it will help you to see your own faults and how much you really need
the Lord to help you deal righteously with your own sin.  You will need to be
cautious though, that no one finds it and becomes hurt by what your wrong
thoughts have been.  Remember, you are using this as a tool to help you grow
spiritually as God desires. This is your private journal.

I was amazed at how many times I responded in the flesh. It's not enough to
read God's Word, you have to put it into practice.  You have to live it. Only
with practice of meditating upon the Scriptures and a sincere desire to be
changed inwardly, was I able to overcome evil with good.  I am still in the
process of becoming what God desires me to be.  I don't regret any of the
trials I've had to endure to learn this lesson. God will always give you the
strength and grace to obey Him.  You can forgive anything!  It may be
difficult but with God, it is not impossible.  Think about all that God has
forgiven you of.  He has not given us a select list of sins that He will
forgive.  Why do we then choose what we will forgive?  God wants us to
forgive as He has forgiven us.  What a loving, caring Father our Lord God is.

I would like each of you to memorize Ephesians 4:31-32:
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be
put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind, tenderhearted, forgiving
one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

Next week, we will dig a little more deeper in the area of "Forgiveness as
God has Forgiven."  The key to forgiveness is found in the example of Christ
Jesus.  To be bitter is to be unforgiving.  Unforgiveness is sin.  

May the Lord's peace rest, rule, and abide within each of your hearts,

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32

“Love – The Wife’s Choice.”

Fear Hinders Love

The following is a summary adaptation of material from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. Used by permission. Taken from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, pp 99.

In last weeks lesson the focus was on forgiveness from God’s perspective. God never wants us to focus on the sin of our husband’s but to focus on His love for us. If we focus on the love that God has showered upon us, even while we were yet sinners, we will be able to love and develop a forgiving heart as God desires us to have. Another point that I like to bring up is that God never tells us to pretend that we haven’t been hurt. God always allows us to acknowledge our hurt but how we handle our hurt is key.

This week our lesson is on fear. Fear brings about many other issues in our life if we let it become the controlling emotion of our actions. The Greek word for “fear” is ‘phobos’, pronounced fob’-os. It means to be alarmed or frightened; to be exceedingly afraid, or full of terror. When I look at this definition, I can see the growing effect that fear can take on in our lives. It starts out as you being alarmed about something/issue, then it grows into full terror. Fear comes about when we are anxious or worried. We put all of our emotions into thinking about a situation that hasn’t even taken place. We begin to think the worse. This is not healthy to us physically nor spiritually.

There is an old saying that says, “You can worry yourself sick.” Sad to say, this is the situation that many of God’s people find themselves in today. “How do we break out of this bondage of fear?” God has given us some principals in His Word that we need to take heed to. Remember, “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” (Rom.10:17) Fear makes it difficult to love when we are focused on that fear. True love to God assures the wife of God’s love for her. Love teaches us to suffer for God & to suffer with God. Therefore, we are able to trust that whatever we face or go through, we still have the full assurance of God’s love. His love still remains.

You cannot base God’s love for you on the situation that you face. God is love. The Bible declares it. That settles it. Hebrews 13:8 declares that God is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. Hold on to this truth. I John 4:18 says this: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

Now, let’s examine the word “Perfect.” The Greek word for perfect is ‘teleios’, pronounced tel’-i-os, which literally means to be complete. The idea we see here is to be complete in your growth, your mental and moral character; to be of full age. In the Bible, the idea is that spiritually you are growing and maturing in the love of Christ Jesus. If we are consumed with fear, we lack the spiritual maturity that God wants us to have. God wants you to be able to love your husband (and others), without being frightened or overcome of fear. Fear is a crippling emotion. It will cause us to be inactive in carrying out the divine will of God. God wants to free you of this bondage so that you can walk in the newness of life which Christ has already set you free from! We need to grasp the truth of God’s Word that fear hinders love. It hinders us to do the will of God.

The great proof of conversion in a Christians life is evidenced in the love he/she has for God andothers. As we embrace God’s love expressed in His Word, our love toward others should grow. We then become more and more perfect (complete), as we are exercised in the areas of our temper and conduct. “If we confess to love God, shouldn’t our lives bear fruit of this evidence?” Our natural affections/tendencies are changed as we yield full control of our emotions to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. The Lord wants you to walk as Christ did. Your mere profession of your devotion and love to God is not enough.

One of my favorite scriptures says this about true devotion to Christ: “He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.” We can sum it up by saying, “If you love the Lord obey His commandments.”

I know that fear is a common problem among wives today. You may even have a legitimate fear. Most of our fears are not legitimate. Regardless, God has not designed you to live in fear. Fear brings about anguish. Even more so, Fear is sin. Being afraid is a lack of trust in God. Remember Proverbs 31:21, 25: “She is not ‘afraid’ of the snow for her household…she smiles at the future.” How is this wife able to smile at the future despite the fact that her husband may be out of work, or she’s just received an unsuspected bill, or the fact that her husband misuses his money… Because her trust is in the Lord God; Jehovah Jireh-The Lord will provide. Regardless of your situation, God is God. He doesn’t change. David said of His God, “I haven’t seen the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging bread.” Leave the providing in the hands of the Great Provider.

God is more than able to take care of ALL of your families needs. Your husband is not taking care of everything. God is through your husband. Proverbs 21:1 says: “The kings heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.” Put your confidence in the Lord, not in man. God knows that fear is a miserable emotion for a wife, but he wants you to respond biblically to your fear.

Let’s look at the following biblical principles on how to handle your fear:

1) Remind yourself of God’s Word.

I remembered Thy judgments of old, O Lord; and have comforted myself. Psalm 119:52 God’s word can fortify you and give you strength. When you remind yourself of His faithfulness in times past, your fear will in time pass away!

2) Make wise decisions as you meditate on God’s Word.

Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. For the Lord shall be Thy confidence, and shall keep Thy foot from being taken. Proverbs 3:25-26 We need to have the ability to relate God’s truth to life situations. If we study the principles of God’s Word we will be able to make wise decisions. Wisdom comes from God and if we ask He will give it to us liberally. If we don’t respond biblically to the situations in our marriages/life that cause us to fear, we will find ourselves caught in a snare/trap. Your confidence should be in the Lord.

3) Realize that God’s power is at work in you.

For God has not give us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I Timothy 1:7 God has an unlimited source of power. If He can raise Jesus Christ from the dead, He can even enable you to not give in to fear. The Holy Spirit does not produce in us a spirit of terror/fear. He produces power. You become fearful when you take your eyes off of God almighty and begin focusing on your particular situation. As you dwell on it, you become more and more frightened. Worry set’s in. You have turned your thoughts inwardly. You must renew your mind by thinking only on those things that are of good report, praiseworthy, and so on. If you set your mind on things above, where Christ is, you will not become overwhelmed with fear by the things that you face here on earth.

4) Realize that God is with you-Always!

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 Remind yourself that God is always with you. He is your comfort and peace. As Christians we have real hope. God is with you. He promises to ‘walk with you’ even through the shadow of death. You do not have to be afraid or fearful.

5) Trust God to keep His Word.

“In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.” Psalm 56:4

You must decide who or what you will allow to be Master of your emotions. Who are you trusting to keep you safe and secure? Is it yourself? Is it your husband? Neither one can promise you real, lasting security. God has bound Himself by His Word. He is the only One who is able to keep you until the day of Christ’s return. “Why then do you trust in someone/something other than God?” He is the sustainer of the universe. The Great I Am. Besides Him, there is none other. He is God all by Himself. He cannot break His promise. God is not a man that He should lie. If He said it, then He meant it. He is a faithful God and keeps His covenant with them that love Him even unto a thousand generations!What an All-Sufficient God we serve! You can trust God to keep His Word. Regardless of your stance, He is faithful.

Ladies, perfect love casts out fear. You must respond in loving obedience to God. Whatever your fear is-it may be small, it may be great; turn it over to the Lord. Respond biblically to your fear. God will give you His peace regardless of your circumstances. Respond in love by obeying God’s Word. Go to the Lord and ask him to help you overcome your fear. Learn scriptures and meditate on them so that you can renew your mind and build up your inner man with the truth of God’s Word. Begin to take small steps toward spiritual maturity. God wants to free you. Don’t make excuses. Live in the freedom of Christ right now. Don’t wait a moment longer.

I want to leave you with you two scriptures that you can begin meditating upon. Hide them in your heart and let them be meat to your soul….

Psalm 34:4, “I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.”

Notice how the Lord didn’t deliver David from his ‘enemies’ but He delivered Him from not one, but ALL of his fears. Think of the mighty fortress of peace God was to David. David still had many enemies, and yes they were out to destroy him and take his life, yet in the midst of his running, he experienced the peace of God that surpasses human knowledge. God’s peace gave David strength and courage to continue on. What great treasure.

Psalm 56:3, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.”

Remind yourself to trust in the Lord WHENEVER you have an urge to be fearful. Ponder this scripture in your heart. Repeat it daily. It will do wonders for your spirit and help you to practice taking unrighteous thoughts/feelings captive to the obedience of Christ. I pray that whatever is causing you much fear, anguish, and pain that you will give that situation to the Lord. Only He can help you. Only He can set you free. Only He can save you now. “Yes, fear hinders love, but perfect love casts out fear.”

Walk in the newness of life,

Wife and Motherhood duties fall into order as we first submit our ways to God. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. (Psalm 95:6)

Love–The Wife’s Choice

Principle #5-The Wife is to “Put on Love”

A study of the characteristics of love listed in I Corinthians 13

The following is a summary adaptation of material from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. Used by permission. Taken from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, pp. 100-102.

Last week we started our study In “Putting On” love. We saw this truth commanded to us in Colossians 3:12-14 “And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you so also should you , and beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.”

We saw how the Scriptures tell us to “pursue love” and “walk in love.” But how do we do this? Mrs. Peace has taken that great “Love” Chapter I Corinthians 13 and given us some practical suggestions for “putting on” love. This week we will be studying the first seven characteristics listed in I Corinthians 13:4-7. I would ask you to prayerfully read this passage as we look at the way love acts and the practical outworking of it in our own lives.

1. “Love is patient.” We are all prone to impatience or irritation when things don’t go according to our plans or we feel physically unwell; however, we can learn by God’s grace to practice patience even at times when we don’t feel like it. Two practical suggestions for learning patience are to memorize Scripture that we can recall to mind when tempted to sin in this area (ie. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God” James 1:19,20) and thanking God even for those things that are irritating us since God’s Word commands us to “Be thankful for all things for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” I Thessalonians 5:18. We are told in Galatians that one of the evidences (“fruits”) of the Holy Spirit working in us is that we will be long suffering (patient). This is not an option. It is sin when we become frustrated and angry. We need to learn to confess this sin of impatience to God while it is yet a mental attitude before it becomes an outward sin.

2. “Love is kind.” Do we desire peace to reign in our homes? Practicing kindness will develop the proper atmosphere in the home. Kindness can be shown through speaking in a gentle tone of voice and doing kind deeds. It will draw people instead of driving them away with criticism and harshness. The excellent wife will think of ways to express kindness to her husband. When he is experiencing aggravation, instead of responding in like manner she could kindly say to him, “I’m sorry that this is aggravating. Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?” God’s grace working in our hearts will cause us to practice kindness. Again, it is one of the “fruits” of the spirit expressed in gentleness & goodness.

3. “Love is not jealous” Mrs. Peace says on p.101 “Jealousy is fear of being displaced by another person or thing. It may be a valid concern or it may be a ‘vain imagination’. Either way, it is self-focused and self-concerned.” She gives some practical suggestions of responding Biblically instead of with jealousy. You can show your husband that you are glad he has the opportunity to participate in something he enjoys (ie. fishing–golf for my husband). You can be glad when he has opportunity to visit with his family. You can make his coming home from working late a thing to look forward to instead of a battle waiting to happen. I once heard a young wife say, “Well, if he gets to do so and so, then I am going to do this and that. It’s only fair.” May I caution you not to think of what is “fair”. Perhaps your husband might be acting selfishly, but your are responsible to God for how you respond. God will deal with your husband. It may be that your life of unselfishness and lack of jealousy will convict his heart. Even when the wife has legitimate reason to fear being displaced, she can respond Biblically instead of acting out her fear and jealousy.

4. “Love does not brag.” In the Greek “brag” means “to talk conceitedly.” To have conceit is to have “an excessive appreciation of one’s own worth.” Sometimes a wife will “boast” of her husband and their relationship perhaps even making things look better than they actually are. She might even be guilty of taking for granted all the nice things her husband does for her as if it is what she deserves. God wants all of our “boasting” to be done “in the Lord” (II Corinthians 10:17) We have nothing that we did not first receive from God. We should be careful that we don’t boast in ourselves or our husbands but instead give God all the glory, honor and praise due Him alone.

5. “Love is not arrogant” Are you a “know it all” wife? An arrogant wife is opinionated and defensive. She cannot be told anything and even acts pridefully when reproved. She is setting herself up for deep hurt. Instead this wife should develop a humble spirit that will listen carefully to the opinion of her husband considering that she might be wrong or misinformed in her opinions.

6. “Love does not act unbecomingly.” How does one act “unbecomingly”? By acting rude or disrespectful to her husband. A loving wife will act in a manner that is fitting and proper not based on her mood swings but at all times. Her husband can always depend on her to respond in love. She will also practice good manners not only in front of others but also in regard to her husband.

7. “Love does not seek its own (way)”. “Seeking our own way” or selfishness is a common problem we all experience. It is the root of many problems in a marriage. Usually both partners are thinking of only their own needs and desires instead of considering the needs and desires of their mate. Mrs. Peace says on p.102 ” A wife can show love to her husband by giving in to his wishes as long as he is not asking her to sin. She should be more concerned with what she does for him than what he does for her.” Philippians 2:4 says “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” When we consider the unselfish act of God sending His only begotten Son to pay for our sins, when we remember that everything we have comes from the hand of God, how can we selfishly demand our rights? Instead we can find contentment in surrendering our lives in service to God and our husbands.

Well, I hope this has not been too long or burdensome to read. Perhaps you like I see some areas that need improving. Do we see ourselves practicing patience, kindness, humility, etc.? Even more revealing, if asked, would our husbands be able to substitute our names in these descriptions of love or would he have to say we are jealous, boastful, arrogant and selfish? Oh, may it not be so! I pray God will apply His piercing and discerning Word to our hearts that we may practice those things that will develop Godliness in our lives and homes.

Next week we will continue to study the characteristics of love in I Corinthians 13. May God help us to prayerfully consider these things clinging to that which is good and uprooting that which would hinder our being the “excellent wife” God has called us to be. I look forward to hearing how God is working these things out in our lives.

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The Excellent Wife Lesson 35 “

Love–The Wife’s Choice”

Principle #5– The Wife is to “Put on Love”

A study of the Characteristics of Love listed in I Corinthians 13 (part 2)

The following is a summary adaptation of material from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. Used by permission. Taken from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, pp. 102-105.

In last week’s lesson we studied the first seven characteristics of love listed in I Corinthians 13. We found love to be:

1) patient–not easily aggravated but instead slow in anger expressing thankfulness for all the circumstances in our lives

2) kind–speaking in a gentle tone with kind acts

3) not jealous–not fearful of being displaced by another person or thing

4) not bragging–but “boasting” only in the Lord and what He has done

5)not arrogant–not a “know-it-all” but practicing humility

6)not acting unbecomingly –not disrespectful or rude but always responding in love and practicing good manners 7)seeking not its own (way) — not selfish but instead the wife considering her husband to be more important than herself.

When reflecting upon these first seven characteristics, did you notice, as I did, how many of these talk about what love IS NOT? Only two of the first seven characteristics of love given were positive. The other seven were negative. Perhaps it is because we need to know what love is NOT before we can practice “real” love. The love presented by the world is based upon lust and sentimental feelings. It is a love that will only last as long as the object of that love has something to offer. God’s love isn’t like that. He loved the unlovely “while we were yet sinners”. He calls us to the same love–a love that seeks the good of the one loved. In the remainder of our list of characteristics we will find three more qualities that do not characterize Godly love and then our final focus will be on the last four positive characteristics of love.

8. “Love is not provoked” A loving wife will control herself even under very difficult circumstances instead of becoming irritated. She will practice the Godly character quality of self-control and respond with patience and kindness remembering “no pressure has overtaken (her) but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow (her) to be pressured beyond what (she) is able, but with the pressure will provide the way of escape also, that (she) may be able to endure it” (I Corinthians 10:13).

9. “Love does not take into account a wrong suffered” “Taking into account a wrong suffered” is replaying the offense suffered with bitter thoughts to yourself in your mind or bringing up the past to your husband. Love will not hold onto bitterness, but practice forgiveness. As I reflect on this quality, I think perhaps the greatest help to us in “forgiving and forgetting” is to remember what Christ has forgiven us and not only in forgiving us but casting our sins into the depth of the sea to remember them no more (Micah 7:18, 19; Jeremiah 31:34) Ephesians 4:32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

10. “Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth” Mrs. Peace tells us on p. 103 “A loving wife is one who not only deals properly with the sin in her life, but also does not entice, influence, or provoke her husband to sin. She tells him the truth. One of the by-products of being righteous is that she is, at the same time, showing love. Another way she can show love to her husband is by “stimulating him to love and good deeds” through encouraging him and supporting him to be godly and to do godly deeds (Hebrews 10:24).”

11. “Love bears all things.” This characteristic of love involves sacrifice of self. This will include times when your husband is being selfish. It is important to remember that if we suffer it should be for “doing what is right” (I Peter 3:17) A loving wife is committed to her husband and he knows it.

12. “Love believes all things.” A wife shows love by believing the best instead of assuming the worst about what her husband says or does and his motives. Even if “the worst” becomes fact, she will order her life and set her goals by faith and not sight remembering that she is in God’s sovereign care and He has a purpose for her life. She believes and hold firmly to the promise that “all things work together for good to those that love Him, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

13. “Love hopes all things.” A Christian wife’s basis of hope is the Lord Jesus Christ for “In Him (she) will not be disappointed.” (Romans 10:11) Her hope is based on the One who will “bring it to pass.” (I Thessalonians 5:24). It is sure and steadfast based upon certain promises in God’s Word given by the One who cannot lie. One outgrowth of this hope will be a hope that her husband will also become more godly if he is a Christian or be saved if he is not. She can trust “all things” to the hands of God including her husband and her marriage.

14. “Love endures all things.” Love will cause the wife to see trials and pressures as a special opportunity to become more like the Lord Jesus Christ. She can “endure” these things remembering how Christ “endured the cross, despising the shame for the joy that was set before Him.” (Hebrews 12:2) The Christian wife can choose to show love by righteously enduring trials and pressures and telling herself, “This is especially difficult, but with God’s grace I can endure” knowing “that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.” (I Peter 1:7)

Wow, what a list! How can we hope to practice “love” as it is presented to us in God’s Word? We can only fall on our faces before our All Wise, Holy God confessing our sin in this area and pleading for grace to follow after His ways. We need to keep this passage ever before us mediating on those things we have been taught and practice following after them with all diligence. Mrs. Peace concludes this chapter of her book with these words on p. 105, “Putting on love does not happen automatically. It is the greatest commandment. It should be the character quality on which you work the hardest. Just reading this book will not make you a more loving person. Putting on love will.” Let me ask, “Are we ready as Excellent Wives to start ‘putting on love’ ?”

Next week we will start our study in Chapter Ten “Respect”–The Wife’s Reverence. I think we will find this chapter very convicting when faced with our biblical responsibility to “reverence” our husbands. I pray God will make these lessons real and applicable in our lives. What profit is it to read these things and study God’s Word if we do not apply them to our lives resulting in our families seeing a more Godly walk? “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16) “Dear Holy Father, May it be so!”

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Chapter Ten “Respect–The Wife’s Reverence”

Respecting Your Husband: Biblical Principles J

The following is a summary adaptation of material from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. Taken from “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, pp. 108-118. Copyright, 1999, Focus, Publishing, Bemidji, Minnesota. Used with permission for the purposes of this devotional series only. May not be reproduced or forwarded without the express consent of the publisher.

Last week we started studying the wife’s responsibility from God’s Word to show reverence to her husband. We were challenged to evaluate our words, actions, and even body language to see if we were conveying proper respect for our husbands.

This week we will study the five Biblical Principles that govern Respecting Your Husband.

1. The wife is to respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

This is NOT an option, but God’s will for your life. The Amplified Bible gives us further insight into the meaning of this verse: “….let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband–that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.” What if you feel that your husband doesn’t deserve respect? Does that let you off the hook in regards to this command? No, because….

2. The Wife Is To Respect His Position. I Corinthians 11:3

God is the one who made your husband the head of the family. Even though you may be smarter, wiser, or more gifted than your husband, you still need to respect the position that God has given him. Mrs. Peace says on pp 110 “If you husband is not a Christian, he is still to be respected because of his position….Your responsibility is to possibly ‘win him without a word by (your) behavior (as his wife) as (he) observes your chaste and respectful behavior ‘(I Peter 3:1,2)….Don’t preach to him, instead pray for him, enjoy him, love him, and show him respect. Take care in how you talk to him and about him. God is at work in the world to save sinners. It’s critical that you follow God’s commands and wait on His perfect timing.”

3. The Wife Is To Behave In A Respectful Manner Proverbs 31:23

We can show our disrespect by making fun of our husbands, cutting them down, being sarcastic, impatient, short, irritated or even giving “looks that kill”. We learned in our study in I Corinthians 13 that “love does not act unbecomingly”. Be cautious of not only your words, but tone of voice and countenance when speaking to your husbands. They should be wholesome and edifying (Ephesian 4:29) and gentle and calm (Galatians 5:23). It would be helpful to you to ask your husband to hold you accountable for showing respect to him by pointing out those times when you use disrespectful words or tone. It might be embarrassing or humiliating but will reflect your level of maturity in committing to obey this command.

4. The Wife Is To Reprove Her Husband Respectfully Colossians 4:6

Reproofs are to be given with the motive of turning your husband back to a right relationship with God. Your husband will much more likely receive your reproof if it is done respectfully. You need to look at your husband’s sin objectively, not dwell on the personal hurts. You are to respect your husband even when he sins and even when he is a failure. As important as Biblical reproof is, you need to show compassion and kindness. Your attitude will go a long way towards helping him begin to repent and to humble himself. On pp 114, Mrs. Peace tells us that, “Speaking kind, edifying words in a gentle tone of voice is a righteous way to show respect and love to your husband if he has sinned or failed in some area…If you are unkind and disrespectful, God can and will most likely put pressure on you to repent. If you do not, the consequences may be severe.”

5. The Wife Who Is Disrepectful May Experience Severe Consequences Galatians 6:1

The most likely consequence of your disrespect will be that your husband will need to rebuke you because he has the same responsiblity before God to reprove you when you are sinning. Also your disrespect could hurt him, cause him to loose motivation to be the spiritual leader in the home and feel embarrassed or humiliated. Proverbs 12:4 says “a wife who shames him is as rottenness to his bones.” Your disrespect could lead HIM to sin in feeling hurt, reacting sinfully by pouting, becoming embittered, angry, abusive or defensive. You are to respond to your husband “as is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18). Your sin of disrespect will also affect your children. They will likely also develop a lack of respect for their father. Your sin could also result in them feeling insecure and upset. You do not want to be responsible for causing your children to sin in honoring their father because they have seen this same example in you.

Now let’s take a personal challenge. Below are listed some questions to ask yourself in assessing whether you are guilty of disrespect. Read them prayerfully and ask God to show you those things you need to work on. Perhaps you could even ask your husband to read them with you. He will likely give you a more honest assessment than you might give yourself. Let me add a caution here though. If your husband is not spiritually minded, you might not want to do this exercise with him. He might use it as opportunity to hurt or discourage you. Ask God to search your heart and “show any wicked way in me.” Well, hang on, here goes:

Respecting Your Husband….A Self-Assessment

___1. Do you speak to your husband in a condescending “put down manner” ? Proverbs 21:19

___2. Do your treat your husband in private as respectfully as you do your pastor, your neighbor, or your friends in public? I Peter 2:17

___3. Does your countenance show your disrespect by angry looks, looks of disgust, crossed arms, etc? Genesis 4:6,7 ___4. Do you talk for your husband or interrupt him? I Corinthians 13:4,5

___5. Do you try to intimidate or bully your husband by making threats, verbally attacking him, crying, or in some other way manipulating him to have your way? Proverbs 14:1

___6. Do you bring up his shortcomings to others? Proverbs 31:23

___7. Do you inappropriately contradict him in front of other? Proverbs 31:12

___8. Do you compare him unfavorably with other men? Philippians 4:11

___9. Do you listen carefully to your husband’s opinion, trying to understand him? James 1:19

___10. Do you respect his position in the home so much that he can depend on you to do as he asks even when he is not home? Proverbs 31:11

___11. Do your respect his requests by trying to do as he asks, even if it doesn’t seem important to you? I Peter 3:5 ___12. Would your husband say that you have a meek and a quiet spirit? If you do, it will be apparent in how you treat him. I Peter 3:3,4

___13. Are you obeying God by being respectful to your husband? Ephesians 5:33

Wow, I would have to say that at one time or another in our married life I have done each of these things in not respecting my husband as God expects. I thank God that He is forgiving. We can ask His forgiveness and then ask the forgiveness of our husbands with the intent of being accountable for those things we are learning. Your husband doesn’t have to earn your respect. God has already given that position to him. You need to CHOOSE to show him respect in obedience to God’s command. Yes, we can do it because now as God’s daughters we have new hearts that delight in obeying our Heavenly Father.

I am sorry this lesson is so long. I hope it has not become burdensome. I did try to condense it as much as possible without losing too much content. Please read the Scripture references along with each point. In our discussion this week perhaps we could take some of Mrs. Peace’s questions to us and answer how we can practically apply those to our lives. I pray God is speaking to other hearts besides my own.

“Please, Dear Father, forgive my sin in sometimes showing disrespect for my husband. Help me not to just shrug off this duty but to wholly embrace it. Let me be the example I need to be in front of my teenage daughters that if you one day give them mates, they will follow after your excellent way in marriage. Draw us all closer to our husbands as we draw close to You. Heal marriages that are hurting by your mercy and grace. Help us not to concentrate on the faults of our husbands, but instead search our own hearts for those things that don’t reflect Your abiding presence in our lives. I ask this in Jesus’ name and for your honor and glory. Amen”.

The Excellent Wife

Lesson 38
Chapter Eleven: “Intimacy-The Wife’s Response”

Last week we discussed the wife’s reverence for her husband and studied
Biblical principles to help us carry out God’s command. The wife should
respect her husband as her husband, his position as ordained by God, and her
conversation and character should be an example of her devotion to him and
the Lord.

This week our lesson turns to Intimacy, the wife’s response. As I studied
the lesson, I thought how fitting this chapter is in the book. It is in the
right place! “How can a wife have a fulfilling sexual relationship with her
husband if she does not respect him?” Many of our sexual struggles stem from
wrong views that we have in our hearts. We struggle with so many different
issues when it comes to intimacy.

“How then do we get a right and clear perspective of what intimacy really
is?” To understand physical intimacy as God intended, we must consider His
original intent.

The sexual bond that a husband and wife share is a gift from God, contrary to
what the world may think. We have to remember this…It’s a gift from God.
He designed us to have this “oneness” relationship. God designed sex in
marriage for physical intimacy and for the procreation of life. Genesis 1:28
says, “Be fruitful and multiply fill the earth and subdue it.” God’s plan is
right and good and it still stands today.

When there is physical intimacy, the relationship is enhanced and oneness and
closeness are gained. God designed us, as husband and wife, to have a
physical relationship. Companionship through sexual intimacy is reserved for
husband and wife. As companions, we are able to experience a mutual giving
and receiving of pleasure, and protection from temptation of seeking sexual
pleasure outside of marriage. Through companionship a private, physical, and
intimate bond is achieved.

Husbands and wives are to respond to each other physical desires. You do not
have authority over your own body. The husband nor the wife has the option to
refuse sexual relations unless hindered providentially.

It’s important for us to know that as the wife, we are to respond to our
husband physically as commanded by God. We are not to defraud our husbands.
We should make it as a priority even when we don’t feel up to it. We can be
creative in this and not see it as a dreadful thing. If the timing is off,
you can arrange your schedule so that you can spend time with your husband.
You want him to know that his sexual needs are important to you. You want him
to be ravished with your love. If you have to give a raincheck and make sure
that you honor that raincheck as well.

“When you respond with a NO to your husband’s desire for sex, what are you
saying to him?” Ask yourself if you are being selfish in putting yourself
first. If so, you are defrauding him. To “defraud” means to cheat. You are
cheating him out of the opportunity to fulfill his God-given desire for
intimacy. He may think that he’s not loved (to most men sex portrays a high
degree of the wife’s love for him). He may even become frustrated and feel
unimportant which can lead to temptation. God wants both of you to be
fulfilled sexually. When not in the mood, you can concentrate on those
characteristics that make your heart flutter when you think of your husband.
You can also go “get in the mood” by putting on perfume or reading a quick
love poem. Ladies, we can become creative! “Oh how creative we were when
dating!”

Scripture teaches more on this subject and this lesson would not be complete
without spiritual guidance from the Word of God. I love how applicable God’s
Word is in all areas of our life. On page 123, Mrs. Peace gives us six
Biblical principles to consider for sex within the marriage.

Principle #1
-Sex Within The Marriage Is Holy And Good

Let the marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be
undefiled.
Hebrews 13:4

An “undefiled” marriage bed means that the couple has sexual relations and
neither one is unfaithful to the other nor impure in their thoughts or
actions. There is no shame in physical intimacy nor is it unholy when our
action, thoughts, and motives are pure before God. The wife is pleasing to
God and he views what she is doing as “good.”

————————————-
Principle #2
-Pleasure Is Assumed And Is Not Sinful

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. ‘Come, my beloved, let us go out
into the country, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us rise early
and go to the vineyards; let us see whether the vine has budded and its
blossoms have opened, and whether the pomegranates have bloomed. There I
will give you my love.’
Song of Solomon 7:10-12

Pleasure resulting from physical intimacy between husband and wife is assumed
by Scripture. It should be fun. It should be a sweet time between each
married couple. Begin asking God to bless your time together and to renew
your love/pleasure for your husband.

————————————–
Principle #3
-The Wife Should Be “Other-Oriented” And Not “Self-Oriented”

I was asleep, but my heart was awake. A voice! My beloved was knocking:
‘Open to me my sister my darling, my dove, my perfect one! For my head is
drenched with dew, my locks with the damp of the night.’ “I have taken off my
dress how can I put it on again? I have washed my feet, how can I dirty them
again? “My beloved extended his hand through the opening, and my feelings
were aroused for him. I arose to open to my beloved…
Song of Solomon 5:2-5

In being “other-oriented,” a wife should thin about her husband and his
attributes that draw her to him. She should compliment him often on the
qualities that she admires. Think of him. Anticipate being with him. Seek
to change for the betterment of your marriage. The Lord will help you if you
ask Him. It is both husband and wife’s responsibility to be “other-oriented”
and not “self-oriented.”

—————————————-
Principle #4
-Sexual Relations Should Be Regular And Continuous

Let her breasts satisfy you at all times…
Proverbs 5:19

There is no set formula ladies! It should be often enough that neither one
is experiencing frustration and temptation. Don’t fall into the trap of
rarely or not having sex at all. Sexual intimacy should be a regular and
continuous part of your relationship.

——————————————
Principle #5
-The Wife Should Never Bargain With Her Husband In Return For Her Favors

Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each
one of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely
look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of
others.
Philippians 2:3-4

Bargaining with your husband in return for favors is selfish. These kind of
motives are unrighteous. It is also self-serving because you are seeking to
gratify your own desire. Don’t be manipulative. Sex is not a weapon. God
did not create it to be that way. Your motive is not to be what you can get
from your husband but how you can honor and glorify God.

——————————————–
Principle #6
-Sex Relations Are To Be Equal And Reciprocal

Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to
her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the
husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his
own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement
for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again
lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
I Corinthians 7:3-5

Equal and reciprocal sex relations means that either the wife or the husband
may and should initiate sex. Either should feel free to do so and must be
considerate of the other person. Anything goes as long as what you do is
mutually agreeable, pleasurable, and not offensive to the partner. Exceptions
would be anything that is sinful such as pornography, X-rated movies, sharing
sexual fantasies about other people,etc. (See Galations 5:19)
———————————————–

You can see that the wife has several biblical obligations to her husband
regarding physical intimacy. It is your duty to satisfy him as completely as
possible. God would not give us the desire to satisfy our husbands and not
the ability to do so. We don’t because we don’t want to or because we don’t
know how to Well, you have many tips and scriptural motivations to help you
in this area. If you haven’t been thinking about sex, or participating in
it, you are not honoring your husband as God intended sexually. You can fix
that right now, by confessing your sin before the Lord. He is willing and
able to forgive you and restore you. He is full of compassion and He will
not judge those who have a repentant heart.

Mrs. Peace closes with these words on page 127:
“God is good and sex within marriage is good. Won’t you view it His way and
respond to your husband unselfishly in love?”
——————————————————–
“How will I respond to God’s message?”
As the Lord leads you, answer one of these questions that pertain to our
lesson:

1) After reading the lesson, which Biblical principal is the Lord dealing
specifically with in your heart right now?

2) Take that principal and pray that God would help you glorify Him as you
seek to honor your husband as commanded by scripture. Share with the group
how you are going to practice the scriptural principal in your marriage.

3) Has your view of intimacy in the marriage changed in light of this lesson.
If so, share with us how your view is now different.

4) If God has blessed your marriage in the area of intimacy share with us
some Godly “tips” that would help a sister who may be struggling to obey God
in this area.

May the Lord bless you as you seek to obey Him.

Lesson 39
Chapter Twelve: “Submission-The Wife’s Joy”

In last weeks lesson we discovered that Intimacy in the marriage is one of
the ways that God planned for the husband and wife to enjoy companionship and
unity. Although intimacy has several facets, we studied how God intended for
us to enjoy physical intimacy. We were also reminded that the sexual bond a
husband and wife share is a blessed gift from God.

In this weeks lesson we are discussing “Submission,” the Wife’s Joy.
Submission is an act of obedience that begins in the heart. It’s a
surrendering of your will to the Lord, as you choose to be under the
authority of your husband. Submission opens the gateway to many blessings.
These include harmony, fellowship, joy, and peace.

I want to caution us to prayerfully consider our ways before the Lord. Ask
Him to rid you any faulty views of submission in order that you may see
clearly from His view. “Most gracious and loving Father, we ask that you
open our hearts Lord to receive your instruction in righteousness. Open our
ears that we may hear from you. Grant us the privilege to gain your wisdom
as we seek to learn from you today. In Jesus name, Amen.”

I want to start off by proclaiming that “Submission” is a good thing. We
experience it in all forms of life. We submit to our boss’ rules and
regulations on the job, we submit to ordinances in our cities, we submit to
our teachers in school…yet some of us have a problem when it comes to
submitting to our husbands. What I have come to know from my own past
experience, is that I had a wrong or faulty view of what it meant to be
submissive to my husband. I was taught that I had rights and that I must
protect those rights, even in marriage, by standing up for myself. I have my
own mind and I should not be walked over. I had taken what I heard & learned
from other’s and made it my view as well.

Yet, God in His mercy has shown me over the years that “submission” in
marriage is a good thing. When I really searched my heart before the Lord,
he revealed to me that my problem lied in submission to Him. I came to
finally trust that if my faith and hope was in God, then I could submit to my
husband knowing that God was in total control. It has been the most freeing
of my experiences in Christ!

What you need to know is that submission is God’s plan for EVERYONE! He
created this orderly world and wants all to live under authority. He planned
it this way. He wants us to experience harmony together with our
husbands/family, as there is harmony in the Trinity. God has given the
husband authority over the wife for her protection. What God wants you to
learn is how to walk closely with Him in biblical submission experiencing the
joy of serving and knowing Him.

One of the things that Mrs. Peace points out on page 130 is that “Many times
a wife may fail to see clearly the importance of her submission because she
is so focused on what her husband is doing wrong. Instead, she must learn to
FOCUS ON HER RESPONSIBILITY.” If you are focused or primarily concerned
about what your husband should be doing you will miss what God wants you to
understand and do. As a wife we must remember to focus on our God-given
responsibilities towards our husbands which includes loving him, to
respecting him, and submitting to him. Your good works should not be based
upon what he is or isn’t doing. You should be more concerned about your
obedience to God. Any disobedience is considered sin before God.

Look at Ephesians 5:15-22:
Therefore, be careful how you walk … understand what the will of the Lord
is … be filled with the Spirit … speaking to one another in psalms and
hymns and spiritual songs … always giving thanks for all things in the name
of our Lord Jesus Christ … be subject to one another in the fear of Christ
… wives be subject to your own husbands…

Being in submission portrays your walk with the Lord. You are showing that
you trust in God to work through you for His purpose. You demonstrate that
you desire to be in the will of God more than fulfilling your own selfish
desires. It’s an evidence of a life that is filled or controlled by the Holy
Spirit. This ladies, is what we should desire and seek–to please the Lord.

I acknowledge with Mrs. Peace, that we do get hurt by our husbands sinning
against us. At times, it may seem unbearable. In my own life, I have seen
areas in my husbands life that could benefit from change. I have even felt
hopeless at times. But I have resolved to not ‘focus’ on his shortcomings
because God is the One who deals faithfully with His children. He belongs to
the Lord. He’s His son and I praise God for Him. When I promised to serve
God, it was not based upon what my husband did or didn’t do. I gave the Lord
my complete life to do as He pleased; with no strings attached. I’m
responsible for my obedience to serve Him faithfully. I try to be faithful
in going to God, crying out to Him on behalf of my husband. I have chosen to
pour out my heart like water before the face of the Lord for my husbands
life. I desire that his life be fulfilled in serving the Lord as well. I
truly want the Lord to be glorified & pleased in me. We must always remember
that our sin is never justified before the Lord. Look at what the scripture
says:

Matthew 7:5
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see
clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Once we focus on our God-given responsibility to biblically submit to our
husbands, it is likely that our situations will change. We will learn how to
better deal with our circumstances and approach them in a biblical manner.

On page 131, Mrs. Peace gives us four biblical principles to follow so that
we can begin to experience joy in submitting to our husbands. She points out
that “one common misunderstanding among wives is that submission of a wife to
her husband is a burden or a cross to bear.” What we will learn is that this
misunderstanding is contrary to what the Bible teaches. We must not distrust
and act hostile toward God’s teachings. As Christians, our view must always
be in line with God’s Word. Our view must stem from Christ’s teachings, not
the world’s. We are to be in the world, but not of it. We must learn to
practice renewing our minds from the scriptures. When we do this we will
begin to delight in it.

Four Biblical Principles Concerning A Wife’s Submission and Joy

1. Joy results from trusting and obeying God’s Word.

…Thy testimonies … are the joy of my heart.
Psalm 119:111

God’s word can become a joy for you just like they were for the Psalmist.
Biblical submission to your husband can become one of God’s testimonies to
others.

2. Joy can result from knowing that God is working to accomplish His
purposes even in difficult circumstances.

Consider it joy my brethren when you encounter various trials…
James 1:2

You must believe that God is ALWAYS working out His purpose in your life.
You must begin to see all that happens in your life as an opportunity to
glorify God. God can overcome evil in your life and work it for your good
and His glory. (See Romans 8:28.) Begin to say, “This is good for me and God
has a purpose in it or He would not permit it. This is not fun, but I do
have joy in knowing that God is working in my life to accomplish His
purposes.”

3. Joy comes from following the Example of the Lord Jesus especially in
difficult times.

Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame … but He did it for the joy
that was set before Him.
Hebrews 12:2

Jesus’ joy was found in knowing that He was doing the will of the Father.
You too can experience joy in the same way. Begin by feasting on the fact
that as you obey the Lord He is pleased with you. Look to the joy that is
set before you in knowing that one day, you shall see God. I don’t want to
be ashamed at His appearing. “Do you?” Look to the future with hope. Train
your mind to set it’s hope in the fact that God loves you personally, has a
purpose and divine plan for you, and that He will provide for you. All of
your needs are met in Him. When you are in despair, focus on I Corinthians
13: “Love ENDURES ALL things.” “Don’t you want to experience the joy of
knowing now and in eternity that you sought to please the Lord?”

4. Joy results from a “Spirit-Filled” life.

… But be filled with the Spirit.
Ephesians 5:18

“What does this mean?” Being Spirit filled means that you are ‘controlled’
by the Holy Spirit and by God’s Word. You should seek to put into practice
Colossians 3:16 which strongly urges all believers to “let the Word of Christ
dwell in you richly with all wisdom.” Being filled with the Spirit is not
based solely upon how you feel. Our feelings change and we don’t always
‘feel’ like doing the right thing. But as we gain insight from the Word of
God, and begin to think about life from God’s perspective, we will begin to
experience joy. True inner joy comes from developing a relationship with the
Lord. It’s not a joy that I can give to myself, it has to come from the
Lord, or it is not real, permanent, lasting joy.

The way to joy is to begin giving thanks to God in everything. Developing a
thankful heart. Gratefulness must be in your thoughts as well as expressed
verbally.
(See Colossians 3:16 & I Thessalonians 5:18.)

You can experience the joy of the Lord by making melody in your heart to Him.
Singing in your heart to the Lord (and out loud), meditating upon His
promises, recalling His goodness. There are many ways you can begin to
express your gratitude to God. Just think about His goodness to you…
There is always joy in glorifying the Lord.

Won’t you commit today to further learning about the blessed joy of
submission. Resolve to gain a clear understanding of biblical submission.
You don’t have to dread being obedient to the Lord. His commandments are not
burdensome. We make them burdensome when we choose to go our own way apart
from His truth. Submission is God’s ordained purpose for you. If you’re
struggling in this area, the Lord wants to give you freedom. Pray right now
for His deliverance. Confess to Him your sin. Seek to change by the power of
Christ in you. Hasten to him. He’s waiting and He wants to give you freedom
and joy as you choose to obey Him.
——————————————————–
Consider responding to the following questions:

1. In what area do you struggle with being submissive to your husband? What
do you think is causing your struggle? (i.e., resentment, bitterness, faulty
view, etc.)

2. Seek to find all that you can on the idea of “submission” and share what
you have learned with the group. What scriptures will you sink your heart
into that will help you glorify God as you practice biblical submission?

3. If submission is to be the Wife’s Joy, and not her burden, how will you
begin cultivating a heart of joy? What scriptures will you commit to memory
as you practice having a heart of “gratitude.”
For our next two lessons we will look at more biblical principals on
submission and discover God’s provisions for protection of a submissive wife.
Please pray that the Lord use these lessons to change our hearts toward Him.

May the grace of our Lord be with all of you,

Lesson 40
Chapter Thirteen: “Biblical Submission-Basis Of The Wife’s Protection”

In last weeks lesson we talked about submission being the wife’s joy. We
looked at ways that the wife could begin to cultivate a heart of joy to God
even in difficult times. I would like to remind us that all what we face in
life will not be ‘fun’ but we can still have a heart that is full of
gratitude to the Lord. I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says “Be joyful always; pray
continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you
in Christ Jesus.”

Over the next few weeks we will remain on the issue of Biblical Submission.
I again urge each of you to ask the Lord to help you see submission from His
view regardless of what situation you may be in. God’s Word is truth and we
can only be set free by His Truth.

** Special Note: If you don’t have the book, I pray that God would make a way
for you to obtain it. The detail that is in this chapter alone is worthy of
owning the book. I will try to go into as much detail as God allows, but it
would be helpful to get the book for greater detail as well as future
reference. Please remember that the lessons are a ’summary’ of the lessons in
the book. I also ask that you bear with me as I feel that this subject is one
that needs much attention and understanding. I will try to summarize as best
I can.

Mrs. Peace starts off on page 137 stating the following which I agree with
totally:

“Many women, even Christian ones, are confused and sometimes hostile about
what it means for a wife to be submissive to her husband. The topic is much
maligned and misunderstood both in the world and the church.” Because of this
misunderstanding, many questions are brought up such as these:
“Is the wife supposed to say nothing and let her husband beat her?” or “Her
husband is a drunk and is irresponsible. She’s been supporting him for
years. Is she supposed to let him run over her like that?” These questions
do deserve an answer, a real biblical answer.”

The Bible does not teach that the wife is to be submissive to a husband who
is sinning (threatening her, or actually harming her). God has provided
several ways for the wife to be protected against a husband who is sinning
and it’s the wife responsibility to take advantage of God’s protection. Each
case is different and the wife must seek the Lord’s will in every situation,
and not her own. God wants you to handle every situation with the wisdom
that He gives.

I don’t believe that God wants a wife to suffer ‘unnecessarily.’ That would
be foolish. Did Christ suffer unnecessarily? No, He did not. God had a
purpose for His suffering which was to utterly offer salvation to all
mankind. We have to be careful though how we interpret ‘unnecessarily.’ I
will say it again. God has given each of us the ability to receive
instruction and wisdom from His Word. In relation to being subjected to an
abusive husband I will share this personal view:

My Dad was abusive to my mother. After a while, she began to say that she
would not suffer ‘unnecessarily.’ This was seen in her actions/plans. She
forewarned us of her plans and what we would need to do to get to safety.
Well, my Dad’s rages were almost like clockwork. We knew what would upset
Him. When he began to rage, we went out the back door, into my Mother’s
parked car behind the garage and waited for her. She had a place already for
us to go to for safety. We had some food in the car, clothes, and blankets.
She began to save some of her money as well. This took a lot of strength and
courage on her part. She never complained. I admire her trust in the Lord
and her desire to not sin but honor the Lord. Was it easy for her? I think
not. But the blessings that we as her children have received as a result of
her dedication to the Lord is the most impressionable thought on my heart
today. God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can
bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you
can stand up under it. (I Cor. 10:13.)

Since there are so many misperceptions and misrepresentation of the
scriptures and true biblical teaching, a wife needs to know what biblical
submission really is and how the Lord intends for her to glorify Him in it.
We will look at five principles to help us understand “Biblical Submission.”

1. A wife is to be submissive to her husband in ‘all things’ unless her husband asks her to sin.

2. A submissive wife is not afraid to do the “right thing.”

3. A wife is to be submissive even if her husband is not a Christian.

4. A submissive wife does not dishonor the Word of God.

5. A wise wife will seek training and counsel on submission from a godly older woman.

Today we will focus on Principle #1:

“A wife is to be submissive to her husband in ‘all things’ unless her husband asks her to sin.”

Ephesians 5:22,24 says:
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. But as the church is
subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in
everything.

God has sovereignly chose for the wife to be “subject” or “under” the
husbands authority for the purpose of order and harmony in the home. This
does not mean that the wife is an ‘inferior’ person. She has a different
position but is not seen by God as being of lesser value.

Romans 2:11
For there is no partiality with God.

Galations 3:28
… there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

God is not biased to males or females. We are equal in that regard. But, it
is the wife’s responsibility to take on the attitude of Christ and be a
submissive servant, in order that she might carry out her God-intended role
in the marriage relationship.

One of my favorite life-changing scriptures that has ministered to me greatly
in my marriage is:

Philippians 2:5-8
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who,
although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a
thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant,
and being make in the likeness of men. And being found in the appearance as
a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death…

Jesus Christ is not inferior to God the Father. Neither are you to your
husband. If Christ subordinated Himself to the will of the Father in order
to carry out His plan of redemption, shouldn’t you do the selfsame thing?
Yes, we are called to have the same or like mind of Christ Jesus. When you
submit yourself to your husband you are allowing God to carry out His plan
for your family. God designed us a special role as wives. Our main role is
to be a ‘helper suitable’ to our husbands.

Genesis 2:18
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make
him a helper suitable for him.”

I Corinthians 11:9
For indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s
sake.

In Ephesians 5:24, what does the phrase in everything imply? It covers all
areas of life such as the finances, discipline of the children, everyday
choices/decisions. Mrs. Peace gives us an example on page 140, of a wife who
goes out and purchases an antique sofa. When her husband sees it, he doesn’t
like it and asks her to take it back. Well, she becomes furious at his
request. Since he was not asking her to sin she should have graciously
submitted. The point here is that a wife must obey her husband unless he has
asked her to sin. God has absolute authority over the wife. So if a wife is
asked to sin, to she must obey God rather than man. (Acts 5:29) I know that
this may be difficult for some of us to grasp. When we are used to having
our own way and used to doing things our way, it is hard to hear sound
doctrine and accept it. My prayer again is that you will seek the truth in
the area of submission as God outlines in His Word. The Lord will transform
you and your marriage if you are receptive to His instructions.

Let’s then consider some examples of how husbands ask their wives to sin:

THE HUSBAND’S COMMAND:
“I forbid you to go to church.”

GOD’S COMMAND:
“… forsake not the assembling of yourselves together.”
Hebrews 10:25

EXPLANATION:
In this case the wife must disobey respectfully if asked to not attend
church. However she must make sure that her husband isn’t feeling that her
friends at church are more important than he is. She must make sure to
reassure him that he is important to her and cared for greatly. If your
husband desires your company on a trip that he wishes to take such as
fishing, camping, boating, etc., then you should go and enjoy the time with
him. God is more pleased with her desire to be faithful in all things than
he would be about her rigid attitude about church.

I can share with you on this issue personally as well: My husband began to
plan outings for us on Sundays. I was glad that he took initiative to plan
for us to spend time together but at the same time my own feelings were,
“What about Church? Has he forgotten our commitment to the Lord?” A dear
sister of mine reminded me to go and pray about it to God. Not to ridicule
Him firsthand and make Him feel that his wishes were not important. When I
did talk with him, I asked him if we could try to plan our outings on other
days so that we would not be tempted to make it a practice to disregard the
day we set aside for worship. He agreed. I believe God honors this type of
heart attitude and I have seen His blessings as a result of my coming under
the plan that He has for our family.

THE HUSBAND’S COMMAND:
“I forbid you to talk to the children about God.”

GOD’S COMMAND:
“… but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

EXPLANATION:
The husband is again asking the wife to go against God’s command to Christian
parents. She can prayerfully, gently, and respectfully explain to her
husband why she cannot submit to that type of request. Again she can be wise
in this situation as well. She can plan devotional time when he is away,
(this is what my mother did for us), when there are times that her discipline
or instruction is contrary to what her husband does, she can wait for a time
when she is alone with her child to explain the scriptural reason behind her
correction. The wife must try to not be offensive to her unbelieving husband
but she cannot agree to never talking to the children about the Lord.

THE HUSBAND’S COMMAND:
“I want to see you participate in immorality/pornography.”

GOD’S COMMAND:
“But do not let immorality or any impurity … even be named among you, as is
proper among the saints…”
Ephesians 5:3

EXPLANATION:
Instead of participating the wife must refuse to participate. In chapter
fourteen, Mrs. Peace touches more on this subject and advises the wife to use
the appropriate provisions that God has given her for protection. (We will
cover these later) but I would encourage you to pray about giving biblical
reproof as well as how to respond biblically to sinful demands. You don’t
want to respond in a sinful angry way but in a way that is God-honoring. The
Lord will help you make the right decision and give you the grace that you
need for that appointed time.

THE HUSBAND’S COMMAND:
A Christian husband says, “I forbid you to reprove.”

GOD’S COMMAND:
“Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual,
restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, each one looking to yourself,
lest you too b tempted.”

EXPLANATION:
Some believe that a Christian wife should NEVER reprove her Christian
husband. In this case the husband and wife are considered “brother & sister”
in the Lord. They are to help each other become more like Christ. Godly
love does not sit by passively. It rejoices in the truth, not in
unrighteousness. (I Cor. 13:6.) When there’s a pattern of sin her husband’s
life, she can gently, and in a straightforward manner reprove him in love.
If he forbids her to do, he is asking her to disobey the Lord. However, God
will deal with Him. She is not to take on the role of being the Convictor in
his life. That’s the role of the Holy Spirit. I am learning to saturate my
heart with prayer and discern from the Lord an opportune time when I need to
offer biblical reproof. Each time, the Lord’s working in my husband has been
more than evident. I have been amazed by the changing of his tone and
understanding. When we seek the Lord’s guidance He more than gives it to us.
He is not willing that we fail at this…He wants us to learn how to rely
upon Him for EVERYTHING. Even when my intentions are good, and I am not
received well, I still thank the Lord for the opportunity and entrust Him to
help me respond in love–like Christ. I then commit the situation to prayer.

THE HUSBAND’S COMMAND:
“Do not tell anyone about my sin. I want you to lie for me.”

GOD’S COMMAND:
“Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak the truth each one of you, with his
neighbor, for we are members of one another.”
Ephesians 4:25

THE EXPLANATION:
Whether your husband is a believer or unbeliever, this is a promise that
cannot be made. It is unbiblical to make such a promise. I agree with Mrs.
Peace when she encourages the wife who has made this promise to go before her
husband and explain to him that she has made an unbiblical promise. If the
atmosphere is such that she cannot go to him, then she must purpose in her
heart, with God’s help, to not make any like promises in the future. Instead
of covering up for her husband she should seek to put pressure on him to
repent. She must respond to ungodly behavior in a God-honoring way by
responding with the wisdom of scripture. (See chapter fourteen.)

My hope is that you have learned so far, that the Scripture is clear on
Biblical Submission. That you as the wife are to be submissive to your
husband in all things, unless he is asking you to sin. I caution each of us,
to change our perspectives and views of submission in light of God’s Word.
If you fail to comply as God has directed you, then you are disobeying God.
God will not bless disobedience. He wants you to live your life in total
reliance on Him. Your life should speak to others of your trust in an
all-knowing, all-wise, all-righteous, all-loving, and always faithful God.

Next week, we will look at Principle #2 and Principle #3.
——————————————————–
1. If your husband were asked if you are a submissive wife, what would he
say? Consider proposing this question to him in a note card. As you wait for
His response, pray and ask God to give you a meek and quiet spirit as well as
a mind to change any area that needs change.

2. How will you seek to change your perspective on biblical submission?
List scriptures and ways that you are going to pursue to help you submit as
God intends.

3. Now that you have learned a great deal about this subject from God’s
Word, what is hindering you from responding to His call to be a submissive
wife in everything?

4. Prayerfully ask yourself this question: “What am I doing wrong in our
marriage?” Make a list of the areas that God surfaces in your heart and be
willing to surrender those areas to Him.

In Christ’s Love,