…which is to replace their nonsensical paragraphs with nonsensical one-liners…

Kandasamy – Tamil (No Arabic Subtitle) : Movie Kandasamy is all about black money, hawala money, Swiss bank accounts and one mans mission to bring it all back to where it belongs…..

What the fuck is “black money”? I know there’s a “black money SCAM”, which is a “scam where con artists attempt to fraudulently obtain money from a victim by persuading him or her that piles of banknote-sized paper in a trunk or a safe is really money which has been dyed black (e.g. to avoid detection by customs). The victim is persuaded to pay for chemicals to wash the “money” with a promise that he will share in the proceeds.”

Ok. So what the fuck is hawala money? And what does it have to do with Swiss bank accounts?

Daddy Cool – Malayalam (No Arabic Subtitle): The story revolves around the bond of a father and his only son who is very passionate about cricket.

And..? Is that it? This sounds like the most boring movie ever. Let me take a shot at it:

So the father is slightly neglectful of his kid. The kid’s obsessed with cricket. The father has some work-related problem and doesn’t have time for the kid. The father gets fired, then has all this time to spare. He then starts to play cricket with the kid, and they bond. There you are. No need to shell out 2 KD.

Oh, and they dance, probably.

And this from the Arab Times today, which is just plain hilarious…

2 held in “shaking” car: Police have arrested an Egyptian man and a Filipino woman for committing immoral act inside a car in Sabah Al-Salem, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily

The lovers were caught by a police patrol on routine duty in the area. A security source said the patrolmen saw the parked car shaking although no one could be seen from a few meters away.

A police officer walked up to the car and saw the couple in a compromising position.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..

what’s up friends.
just wanted to write really quick about some events going on this weekend.

for those of you in the bay area:

Tomorrow, the 28th, Judgement Day will be playing at Gilman in Berkeley with Ninja Academy, The Prids, and Anon Remora. Not sure but, i think i heard that Judgement Day was headlining. if you go, let me know!

also, TONIGHT, if you’re a weezer fan, go to bottom of the hill. …just do it.

if you’re in my neck of the woods:

Judgement Day will be playing at Cinescape in LA on Sunday, the 30th, with Broken Meters and Braw.  This show is special because it’s FREE ADMISSION and FREE VODKA from 9:30 – 10:30 pm.  another thing, it’s 18+. (oh. isn’t los angeles just wonderful?!)  Judgement Day comes on at 10:45 pm.

the boys also have shows in Chico and Sacramento.  Check out their Official Website for more details.

In the I.E:

Sub Pop’s very own, Band of Horses, will be playing on Saturday night at the newly renovated Fox Theater in Pomona.   The show is $23.00, all ages, and the show starts at 8.

check out The Fox Theater Pomona Website for more info.

so that’s that!

have a good weekend!

peace&love.

… because I’d have made millions by now, if only Cinescape had half a brain…

Badal Fakeed (Arabic): The film about the twin brothers where each one of them grew up in a different environment. The first one got a dopted by a lady dancer and lived in a poor area, while the second one was adopted by a good family. The first one grow up to be a drug dealer but the second one became a police officer.

God this one sounds so familiar. Have I mocked it before? Perhaps. Let’s have another go.
So they’re twins separated at birth. What a simple, simple sentence. One of them’s been adopted by a lady dancer (i.e hooker), and the other guy got adopted by a good family. Lo and behold, the two are to confront in a world full of lies and deceit, where the twin brothers are on opposite sides of the law. Who will make it out alive?

Who gives a shit.

Dokan Shehata (Arabic): Shehata is the son of farmer who opened a fruit shop and was named after his son Shehata. Shahata suffering from the influence of his brothers and their bad treatment which end up in tragedy. The film discusses the problems and the bad situations which affected the community.

Hold on. Shehata is the son of farmer who opened a fruit shop and was named after his son Shehata. What the fuck? That makes no sense at all. Are both the father and son named Shehata? The fruit shop is definitely named Shehata. Are these people morons? Then, Shehata (I have no idea which Shehata it is at this point), suffers from the influence and bad treatment of his brothers (who are most probably called Shehata), with everything inevitably ending up in tragedy – with, of course, the staple Egyptian subplot of “discussing” bad situations that are affecting the community – naturally masked by horrendous camera work and below-par soap opera acting.

Also, check out Cinescape’s poster for the movie in comparison with the poster above. Notice the big-titted woman. Painfully ironic – or just plain pathetic.

I can’t fucking wait.

You’ve got to love these guys.

This is probably my 50th post about the stupidity of their movie synopsis page, and they persist, like a two legged dog trying to get up a hill. Respect.

This week, playing at a Cinema near you….

Bob Bos (Arabic): The film talks about a businessman, who is known in his community and has a economic and political connections, but he suffered financially due to the economic crisis that crippled the world and he can not pay his debts to the banks. At the same time, there is a business lady called “Mutaza”, who also suffers financially, and she unites with the businessman, after the convergence of their interests, and both are trying to get out of this impasse.

This sounds like a fucking business presentation, and the most boring movie ever. How can you mention the financial crisis twice in the same sentence (and three times in a paragraph) and still have the balls to call yourself entertainment? Count. Me. Out.

Love Aaj Kal (Hindi): Synopsis Jai and Meera are modern-day couple living in London. They are very happy together but do not believe in tying each other down. So when life pulls them in different directions, they decide to go with the flow. “These Heer-Ranjha, Romeo-Juliet type Janam janam ka saath type couples exist only in story books”, Jai says. In the real life, we have to be practical.

What would be the alternative of a “modern-day couple”? A medieval couple? Also, what the fuck is a heer-ranja, romeo-juliet type janam janam ka saath type couple? Why is there a need to write “type” twice? Is anyone even listening?

Ramadhan Mabrouk Abu Elalamein (Arabic): Arabic language teacher named Ramadan, which plays his role Mohamed Heneidy .. through his relation with school, students and parents to explode many problems, issues and positions with a satirical comedy.

Is he an explosives expert? What the fuck does “explode many problems” mean? Does he aggravate students and cause problems? If so then why is he still a teacher? Is he secret service? What the fuck is going on here?

Omar Wa Salma 2 (Arabic): In this part Salma plays the role as normal every day wife, a different side of her in the first part, while Omar misses old days of bachelorhood which leads him to an emotional relationship with Merhan which she works in his father company but Salma finds out about his relation and she asked for the divorce. Salama asks to move out from thier palce into a new apartment but the new place full of single ladies.

Firstly, that has to be the longest sentence I have ever seen. But you know what, lets give it a chance. So Salma is a normal, everday wife (??). A different side of her in the first part? Do they mean Omar Wa Salma 1 (as I presume there is one, given that this one is a sequel). She was different in the first movie. Ok. In the meantime Omar is missing being single, which leads him to cheat with a slut named Merhan, who works for his dad. Ok. So Salma finds out and asks for a divorce. Cool. Then – wait a minute – they move out from their place into a new apartment but the new place is full of single ladies. (??)

So Salma wants a divorce – why would she want to move ANYWHERE with the cheating scum Omar? And why would their new place be full of single ladies? In what world do these people exist?

Wow I got a little carried away there. Plus, I think that having given away the entire plot in the synopsis and the poster implying a comedy, we can all deduce that Salma will inevitably get over the cheating, and the single ladies (or become friends with them), and they will live happily ever after, or until some fucking moron decides to make “Omar wa Salma 3″, at which point I suggest that they both die halfway through the movie. What? It would make an interesting plot-twist.

Don’t waste your money.

Yesterday Cinescape competition “Kuwait Pro Evaluation Cup” finished with an AMAZING performance from the final 8 who qualified to the final round.
The competition was held from 28 June to 19 July 20, 2009 played at 4 cinema theaters Marina, Fanar, Sharqiyah and The Avenues were the final was played.
The first prize winner (Mr. Mansur Al-Faraj 24 years old) received a flight ticket to France to enter football match (sweet)
I thought I was the perfect play station winning 11 player Ha! Compered to thoughts guys I’m not even good, thank God I didn’t enter the competition or I would be so humiliated by 10 year olds!
Here are some pictures of the event with behind the scenes video

[YouTube]

The sponsors and organizers (Cinescape,Wataniya telecom, AL-Tijary, and KIA Motors)

The finalist

Special thanks to:
Mr. Hamad Al-Zaidan & Ms. Luba Marafie

i got this as a souvenir

En una nota publicada en La República, Bruno Pinasco anuncia que volverá a prestar su voz, pero esta vez en el rol principal, a la versión castellana de un largo animado gringo. Se trata de The Tale of Despereaux, una historia de realeza que muestra disímiles personajes y gira en torno de la princesa Pea, de la que está terriblemente enamorado un ratón que lee libros, una infeliz rata que quiere dejar el calabozo, y una sirvienta con orejas de coliflor. El conductor y productor de TV interpretará al ratón.

La película, producida por Universal Pictures, cuenta con una triple firma, bastante complementaria: el animador Robert Stevenhagen, integrante del equipo de Space Jam y Simbad, que debuta en la dirección; Sam Fell, codirector de la animación Flushed Away; y Gary Ross, que ha realizado dos largos de acción real, Pleasantville y Seabiscuit.

Leer más en Cinencuentro.com

El segundo día inició con la exposición de los temas programados en el seminario de Eduardo Inostroza de Santiago de Chile : “Nuevas Tecnologías para cine de bajo presupuesto”, Eduardo inició su participación con nuevas tecnologías y como estas se insertan en las producciones cinematográficas, también trató el tema de correción de color, y la importancia de esta para conseguir una unidad de tono concordante al tema de la película

Leer más en Encuentro de Cine Andino Arequipa 2008

• Luis Ramos

  Seminario: El cine del interior

Las Proyecciones

Enlace: Encuentro de Cine Andino Arequipa 2008

Ver más en Encuentrodecinearequipa.wordpress.com

La organización del evento, agradece a todos los medios que están apoyando a la difusión del Primer Encuentro de Cine Andino Arequipa 2008

Latamcinema.com

Laviedesfilms.com

Cine-argentino.blogspot.com

Cinencuentro.com

Cinescapeforo-blog.blogspot.com

Universia.edu.pe

Cineperu.wordpress.com

Lanuez.blogspot.com

Chanchovolador.net

Pers.com

Cronicaviva.com.pe

Sieteesquinas.com

Luchaynoterindas.blogspot.com

Elcaminerito.wordpress.com

Sonrisasmuertas.blogspot.com

Sarhuallaqta.blogspot.com

Globalvoicesonline.org

Eddypedro.net

Radionacional.com.pe

Será utlizada para el personaje Monkey en la versión en español de la película animada, que se estrena el 3 de julio
Bruno Pinasco, conductor del programa “Cinescape” (América Televisión), estará esta vez detrás de cámaras como la voz del maestro Monkey, un mono hiperactivo y juguetón en el filme animado “Kung Fu Panda”, que se estrenará en todo el mundo el 3 de julio de este año.

“Estoy ansioso, pues es algo que nunca he hecho. El director verá si va a ser una impostación o si será mi voz. Sé que Jackie Chan la hizo exagerando un poco su acento asiático. Yo solo sé hablar como mono charapa”, expresó Bruno.

El conductor, que no descartó la posibilidad de convertirse en actor en el futuro, dijo que estará en el estreno del filme en el Festival de Cannes y en Hollywood en la segunda quincena de mayo. Se espera la presencia de Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman y Jackie Chan.

Hello again class, today we will be discussing the wonderful world of online gaming on various platforms. Now old Klytus here is no stranger to gaming but only within the past several years has he felt online gaming was, pardon my French, the shit. But wait many of you will say, is this blog not about sci-fi and crazy rants about nothing, while this is true, gaming as we know it was all but a dream many years ago.  Today we live in a connected world where the status quo demands everyone to have high speed online access, those who cannot, well I’m sure they read the paper or get on top of a hill and observe the smoke messages from the other side of town. I joke about that, but in essence this is true, you must be connected to the world. Hell I myself shell out for high-speed and X-Box live online, take this from an old gamer on-line is the next generation of gaming and it, my friends, it to me is the true successor of our entertainment. This phenomena is a perfect example of online functionality and human to human interface, you get into virtual worlds existing only in computer code.

I love companies that try to please the consumer by releasing new maps or extras, be them songs or new cars, etc. My personal favorite online game is Halo 3. Ouch, when your called a noob by some 12 year old it really takes me back to the trash talking days of Tank for the Atari 2600. Gaming has changed and only now have consoles embraced the experience previously taken by those snobish computer gamers. On any given day I can quickly fire up the wii and quickly begin battling fools in an intense session of Guitar Hero. Hell after that I swap out games and begin schooling more noobs with ROB the robot Halo style, Brawl kicks major old school ass.

It is this embrace by the public that I feel we are on the edge of a gaming renaissance, a cross platform experience connecting all gamers be they 360, PC or “gulp” the PS3. I guess old Klytus should start giving a little love to Sony, maybe drop the price a little more!! But I digress hopefully more of the Atari generation remembers what is was like to compete against the world. Back then it was one quarter at a time.

Old Klytus must now give a shout out to all the past publiciations that have left us. Omni, Cinescape and offically today the 8th of Juanuary in the year of our Lord 2009, EGM..End of Line.

Dear Readers,

You’d think they’d have hired decent writers by now. And by decent, I mean not monkeys.

Mafesh Gher Keda “Nahed” (Nabila Ebeid) as the Greedy Mother fight over “Dina” (Arwa) the innocent talent who falls in love with “Nader” (Khaled Abol Naga) as a Music Talent Hunter & Famous icon/Director & shatters her Family apart when she becomes a big success.

“Morons”.

One Two Three -Hindi Diamonds worth Rs.100 million are stolen from a dangerous don, Papa and the precious stones accidentally fall in the hands of Chandu and Chandni, who quickly hide them in a car. Papa and his idiotic henchmen Albert and Pinto are desperately hunting for the diamonds while hot-headed police officer Mayavati Chautala wants to nab criminals.

I really don’t think its the henchmen who are idiotic.

Dear Readers,

By now I’m sure you’re used to the idiocies that come out of our friends at Cinescape. But the verbal insanity has reached a new level, as we can see from the latest offerings on their “Now Showing” page. It gives me no pleasure whatsoever to present the following:

45 Days The movie story revolves around Ahmad when one day he finds himself getting accused of his parents murder then he sent for psychiatric evaluation in a psychotic hospital for 45 days. While he was in the hospital the real story gets unveil when the real killer is the father when he suspected his wife in a relation with some one, so Ahmad said he is the killer to protect his mother image in front of his sister. The truth saves Ahmad from getting executed.

Asides from having the longest sentence in history, this synopsis makes absolutely no sense. Also, it seems that they have given the movie’s ending away. I don’t get it, do they want people to come and see the film or not?

Ayazon The movie story revolves around a businessman who searches for his daughter which he missed to be part of her life because of the business that he is handling. Can he catch up with all those missing years and be part of her life again?

Absolutely no comment. None.

Race -Hindi Ranvir and Rajiv are half brothers who own a huge stud farm in South Africa. Sophia is Ranvirs personal secretary. She loves her boss and Ranvir is totally unaware of her feeling. Shaina is an upcoming Indian model. Shaina loves Ranvir but through a twist of fate gets married to his brother Rajiv. In a weak moment Ranvir and Shaina come very close to each other , but when Rajiv starts suspecting his wife, all things break loose. A murder is committed, a contract killing is issued.

What the fuck?

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

This movie starts up slow and bad, picks up to become worse, and ends up in the worst way there could be. Although there was a reason for me to be there (Camilla Belle), the acting was trash. Also, the copy of the movie that Cinescape has is worse than a copy u get of the movie for 1KD. Seriously! The movie sucks, it is not clear, and not worth the money. So unless you don’t have an internet connection to look at videos of Camilla Belle on Youtube, you have no reason to go watch this movie. Final Score 5/10 (partially for Camilla Belle, and partially for the effort they put in the filming). DON’T GO.

Dear Readers,

It’s time, once again, to visit the website of our dear friends at Cinescape and try to figure out what intoxicating narcotic they have taken in order to write their movie synopseees..

By the way, I’ve decided not to format this note as there are too many things to make fun of!

Aljazzera -Arabic

The movie story happens in one of the Egyptian villages where we meet the young man (Mansour) when he inherit form his father the power and the money, also drugs growing and trafficking in an island
full of his snipers. One day he falls in love with Kareemah. His life is not always the same and every day has a different story.

Code 36

A young lady Norhan works as an aerobics instructor, but one day a group of terrorist put mark on her to kill her for unclear and unknown reasons. The Egyptian official decided to have one of the special forces men to be as her personal bodyguard so they gave the task to (Shareef). Norhan faces many deadly incidents and Shareef where there to safe her and protect her, during that the love sparks between them.

Heya Fawdha

Hatem is police officer and handles this neighborhood with an iron hand. Every single one fears and hates him. Only Nour, a young woman, dares stand up to him. But Nour is secretly in love with Cherif, brilliant and uncorrupted deputy public prosecutor. Hatem comes between. He wants Nour for himself. He turns her life into a nightmare.

Welcome -Hindi

Uday, Majnu and Sikander are mobsters, and they are keen to get their sister Sanjana married into a respectable family. Uday, upon a chance meeting with a handsome bachelor, Rajiv, is convinced that he would be a perfect. However, Rajivs uncle, Dr. Ghunghroo does not approve of his nephews association with a dubious family. Sanjana, unaware of her brothers contrivances, meets Rajiv on a cruise and the two fall in love. She has the acceptance of Dr. Ghunghroo, who doesnt realize that she is the sister of the Mafia.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself:

http://webserver2.kncc.com/nowshowing.php

From the official Cinescape website:

Effective 7th February, ticket prices will be KD 3.000 except on Mondays.

Way to go Cinescape! It’s now even less attractive to watch movies there.

At first glance, Cinescape has done a wonderful architectural and interior-design job with their eleven cinema theaters at the Avenues Mall. (Check out New Bride’s video of the cinema’s lobby while it was still being built).

It’s spacious, covered entirely in black from marble flooring up to painted ceilings, contains several large display screens that alternate between the latest movie posters and current showtimes, a large snack bar that promises short queues, and it’s all lit with subtle turquoise and purple opaque pillars ––a color scheme which oddly resemble that of Zain’s logo.

My friends and I went to watch Resident Evil: Extiction yesterday, and we were slightly enthusiastic about the new theaters. For the first time in Kuwait, there were movie ratings (added after the Simpsons riot?) indicated next to each movie title! Could this be what we’ve been waiting for?

More screens that have-yet-to-be-set-up over the snack bar

Sadly, shortly after we walked in, it was apparent that it was the, “same ol’ cinema”. The movie was illogically cut and censored at numerous points during the movie; they managed to leave out all the curse words but not include the view of a bleeding corpse. Well, what were they expecting from a zombie movie? Oh well, maybe some day Kuwait. Someday.

Dear All,

I have not written an Idiots in Kuwait/Idiots in The World note for quite some time now.. but our friends at KNCC (Cinescape) have forced me out of hiding. I just couldn’t resist. Below are some of the movie synopsis (synopsees? synopii?) from their “Now Playing” page. No bullshit, all true:

Khyana Mashrouaa (Egyptian Film)

The story of the film depends on the idea that the vast majority of people destitute and the rich alike – unlike brains of persons living in the central region, where provision is the reality of the people and different levels of physical conflict between these patterns. The movie, a number of interlocking relationships and events vary between betrayal and revenge Poverty, unemployment, corruption and the results of each of these crises on his.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I’VE READ IT OVER AND OVER BUT I STILL CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE SENSE OF IT. PLEASE PEOPLE, HELP ME OUT HERE.

Omar Wa Salma (Egyptian Film)

It is love story about the naughty young man (omer) , who has many love incidents but always they are temporary because his desire for change , after that he meets (Salma) who changes his life and the events go on …

So wait. He is a naughty young man. He has many “love incidents”. But “always they are temporary because his desire for change”?. What the fuck does that mean? Then he meets Salma, who happens to change his life. And the “events go on”"?

Dhamaal (Hindi)

Dhamaal, as the name suggests, is a fun filled caper about four friends…….the final component of which is Mr. Scared of everything, Boman Contractor (Aashish Chowdhury), whose greatest fear is his father, Nari Contractor (Asrani).

Wait. Is their surname contractor?

http://www.cinescape.com.kw/nowshowing.php