(Photo by Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images)

This weekend, we celebrate the third rock from the sun!!

No, not the TV show, dufus.. is that thing even on now?!

Anyway, the 3rd Annual Earth Day Dallas is a free, two-day festival in historic Fair Park.

You gotta admit, we have it pretty good living on Earth!

We kinda like the whole going-outside-without-turning-to-ash thing…

Actor Val Kilmer will celebrate all things Mark Twain in Citizen Cane this Thursday through Saturday at the Wyly Theater.

Before you say “WHAAAAATTT?”, remember: THIS is the guy who gave us Ice Man and Doc Holliday in Tombstone.

We mean, come on!

The dude made a sickly character hocking up a lung every other minute “sexy.”

THAT is what we call talent!!

Get your tickets to that right here.

Click on the player below if you prefer Val as Jim Morrison:

Follow Jack on Facebook or Twitter @JACKFMDFW for JACKTIVITIES updates!

Oink was (and perhaps still is) a small plastic piglet, manufactured by Britains Toys in the mid ‘80s. My father gave Oink his rather fitting name during one of our daily excursions to school, and for many months he preceded to live in my pocket. Oink was an adventurous toy who enjoyed day trips, and it was this adventurous nature that eventually led to his downfall.

In the early ‘90s, large coaches still had ashtrays attached to the back of seats. To see one now would probably be unpleasant, but these vessels once provided a world of entertainment: opportunities to create tiny plumes of dust; a chance to make an irritating ‘snap’ that would wake your sleeping neighbour; a great place to store Top Trumps cards, and, of course, an adventure playground for small plastic piglets (you can see where this story is going). It was after one of these adventures that Oink mysteriously disappeared. Had he fallen on the floor? Had someone stolen him? Did the ashtray consume him!? These scenarios quickly crossed my mind, while my brain simultaneously came to one sad conclusion – no more Oink.

Why am I starting this week’s post in this way? What is significant about a tiny plastic toy? The truth is, I had completely forgotten about Oink, until I recently visited Pollock’s Toy Museum. This rambling building is crammed with an exquisite collection of every toy imaginable. Seeing so many tiny treasures in one space prompted me to wonder where they had all come from.

Did they once provide precious companionship, like Oink did for me? Had they been on similar adventures? And this is the incredible thing about toys: through the eyes of their owners, they become imbued with personality and secret meaning. Walking through a space filled with so many personal objects consequently resulted in a series of imaginings on my part; imaginings about the children who owned these toys, the exploits they enjoyed together, and how these precious objects ended up in this space.

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Benjamin Pollock was a man who invested a lot of time in ensuring that children could have these magical experiences. In the nineteenth century, his wife, Eliza Redington, inherited her father’s Theatrical Print Warehouse. It is important to realise that the fashion for such theatres was dying out, and that Pollock was determined to continue producing these tiny worlds for the children who remained captivated by them. As a result, young aspiring actors frequented his Hoxton shop for many years. The business continued to prosper after his death in 1937, and in the 1960s a woman called Marguerite Fawdry bought the whole stock of slides and printing plates; an investment that led to the birth of Pollock’s Toy Museum in Camden, London.

In this museum, each room is filled with a wealth of toys and a sense of nostalgia lies heavy in the air, as visitors recall their own childhood possessions. The mixture of responses is incredible: the joy of finding a lost ‘object of desire’ (much like Rosebud in Citizen Cane); the long forgotten sense of envy upon discovering a once coveted toy; the fear in seeing a grandparent’s terrifying doll, and the wonder of seeing toys from around the world – the collection really is fascinating.

What can be seen could be described at length, but I think that I will leave it up to you to discover – after all, that really is the charm of this warren-like space.

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Google Maps link for Pollock’s Toy Museum

So where ever I was going..I wrote a pre survivor casting blog….now how about I write a very half assed even less detailed than this previous/current paragraph statement “blog” about the actual experience? hmm….and away we go.

Set to be from noon to 5. Bus got us there at 1015 or so. I believe they handed out numbers beginning at 10. I know that my times have to be off because we discovered a line moving, with a bunch of people that seemed to have come from nowhere, around 11….numbers were being handed out ((which wasn’t stated online that they would be doing that at whatever time..I’m sure at least a few people showed up at noon to be sorely disappointed BUT than….if someone really wanted to be on the show they would have showed up at least an hour before noon…imo…)). Heard them say we will only be passing out 500 but later they said we will try to get more people in if we have time. We got number 340 and 341 (the other of we being my cousin). Tried to figure out what time that would get us in because our bus was leaving at 330 BUT we could have stayed until six if we wanted to too ((although between the two of us we had a total of less than 30 bucks..so 3 more hours would have been hard to cope with unless we would have killed a couple more hours just waiting…on that note…ten bucks gets you on the bus a coupon for a free lunch buffet or if you choose ten bucks toward food from one of the other 4 or 5 restaurants they have….and you get your ten bucks cash back when you go to the players club…essentially making the bus free AND you get free food…plus I had a coupon for another free 5 bucks so I could have walked out the door +5$, fed, and tried out for survivor…I left plus the free 5 bucks..I only gave 2 bucks back that I could have walked out the door with..lol..back to our story). So asked how many cameras they had set up (3) did a rough calculation that we should get in by around 230, maybe 3 worst case, so thought cool perfect timing of sorts. (well maybe we didn’t but I did….jumping ahead of myself..allowed for sitting around and bullshitting..gambling a bit…doing my minute for the camera…eating and tada time to leave). They took groups of sixty into the main room at a time…wait in line sing a disclaimer saying we and the casino can do whatever we want with this tape and it doesn’t guarantee shit….went behind a curtain…said my name and did my spiel.

Look at that I already finished…and yet I had more to say…haha….so let’s discover a little more shall we? Or maybe observations…if you will

So i’m pretty sure they DID get through 500 people with numbers and than some. I didn’t see 500 people that were definitely castable however I don’t do casting for the show..BUT I’ve seen the show and other reality shows enough to get a general idea of who they want. That being said why in the hell was I there right? hahaha…well let’s touch upon that next but first let me finish…. Per twitter there was a guy trying out for the 18th time. Looking at his twitter a good 98% of his tweets were retweets or replying to someone. You may see this is irrelevant. It probably is when it comes to survivor..but if this were for big brother….well they, for example, like people with opinions of their own and who whore themselves out on the interewebs; at least that’s what I’ve seen. Survivor doesn’t matter so much because it doesn’t air for a few months after it’s taped BUUUT…..at the same time it could get people watching if they can talk to you about it..ya know? Anywho didn’t look like he had ever made it past the first step of casting…so I think he probably needs a reality check, pun incidental but perhaps intended, and needs to realize he doesn’t have what they want. That’s my opinion though. I don’t think I saw him there. I did see at least one person who had war paint and a bandanna on trying to look all “I’m rugged and for survivor”…and I did hear one douchey army guy say ‘I’m going to tell them I was in the service for x years so I’m made for this’….yeah….you’re a douche….sure they cast the military characters..but this guy was just a meathead asshole douche military guy…not a compelling entertaining for television type..BUT this just what I gathered standing around (((after all the game begins as soon as you’re amongst fellow potential players….and as I tweeted…the game begins even before you’re at the casting event….but that’s my blow-hardiness ))). There was also a little person and a giant. If they were a team and it was for the amazing race….I think they would have moved to the next round….being survivor and them being people that weren’t there together….I think the giant guy could make for good tv and I’d probably send him to the next round unless he has the personality of a silent pebble…which is to say.if he was mr monotone I should be on survivor because blah blah derrr guy..’no no noooo’

Interlude….semi attractive chick I also found on the twitter I think I saw sitting on the ground with her mom waiting for her turn…I have no point other than exactly that…haha…back to the nonsense (((turns out not so half assed at all itinit?))) well first…also I have to say…the interest in this casting event on the facebook and the twitter….looked like there was barely any. Big brother at least had a good dozen tweeters and responders on facebook about the casting…maybe survivor fans aren’t the social media type or maybe they are a bunch of little bitches with private accounts and who don’t express excitement about the potential to be on a show….or maybe most of them have gone through the talk to a camera process so many times they are no longer excited? In any case if I was a producer or casting person…I wouldn’t want them on my show. HOWEVER that being said….they didn’t ask anything for this….sign the paper with your name, email address, and cell phone number. That was it. No fill out this short application and let us know your websites if you have any…..so survivor and big brother NOT the same show….duh……..finally now moving on..

I can’t remember what I wrote a couple paragraphs back about what I would get to…I think it had to do with big brother? Notice how many times I say big brother….one of my running “jokes”was I was just going to talk to the camera and say “big brother big brother big brother…..” for my minute….or I was going to say I’m really excited to get on big brother…well I kind of did exactly the latter. I opened with essentially ‘not a huge fan of suvivor but I am a superfan of big brother’……moved on to “I’d like to use survivor as a stepping stone to survivor”….and that’s 110% true….I’ve seen big brother contestants on the amazing race, survivor contestants on the amazing race, I feel like someone went from big brother to survivor, but I know almost for sure no one has done survivor to big brother….so there you go.

***interlude one of the suggestions from dan the man gheesling of big brother multiple times ‘fame’ (( @@DanGheesling ….have a story…attending multiple casting events for shows i don’t even care all that much about being on adds to my ‘story’…***

back to the babbling but tied to my interlude…I proceeded to tell them how I’d like to move on to the next round just so I knew for sure I had what it takes for…big brother..haha..actually I said to get on tv. That’s a big nono of sorts as you’re not supposed to be like ‘i want to be on your show to be on tv’…oops and oh well….I think my arrogance, or the idea that was implied of my arrogance there within, could be a benefactor to me. Maybe not….but I don’t think it could really hurt……I proceeded from there to contradict myself a bit slightly…..

back to where we were before I decided to jump ahead of myself to my very long one more, 2 more..5 more, thing(s). My contradiction that again I actually think could make me memorable…………….. I’d like to make it to the next round because blah blah blah….because ‘getting rejected again and again and….again is like getting kicked in the nuts’….at which point i may have twitched like a robot accessing memory banks or like in my own head a light bulb turned on because I followed that with ‘although I’ve only been rejected 3 times’ (or I may have said this is only my third attempt..I really wish I know exactly or more exactly what I said..because it’s my 4th show, not counting the mock game not really casting call wheel of fortune yearly event, I’ve tried out for. ifc’s ultimate film fanatic, the amazing race, big brother, and survivor…..at least I think that’s all….)…and i followed my technical malfunction/matrix glitch with ‘another reason I’d like to be on is to piss of someone who has tried out 18 times and not got on’ and than ‘id be like WHAT [[I did that forward shoulder roll with my what like..the what you going to do bitch thing people do...lol...I'm an idiot...because as I did it...I was like..yeah...on a pretaped show I'm going to prop up against that person viewing at home....way AFTER the show is done taping....that's just silly....but arrogant right? hahaha...that's my thought process...the ***"WHAT"**** was totally unscripted or unplanned....that was just a BAM thing....I'd at least laugh at the guy on the tape that did that...unless the volume was really low and I was busy playing on facebook/twitter/my phone...]] I only tried out once and you tried out 18 times and I’M on the show’……again as said in my [[]] what a jackass I am..because it wouldn’t be seen live by those dejected losers that haven’t made it in 18 tries….but let’s dig deeper again ((let me point out how that became the worlds longest quote because of my additional details contained there within))….know how I said game on….well we KNOW the guy who was trying out for the 18th time was going to say to the camera “I’ve been trying for 10 years and this is my 18th time” or something to that extent…..so let’s say because HE wants to be on the show more than I do…he was there 3 hours ahead of time and was number 1….or at least in the first group of people….the executives are back from their lunch break…..I’m on screen and I namecheck the “18th time” guy….they think WOAH this dude…….that’s what’s up ****WHAT***** D ….yep. Sure that may not at all be the case…they may sit 3 rooms with 3 groups…they may have all three videos running at one time….shit they may watch 5 or 6 at a time….but logically they could do 3 because there were 3 cameras running ((or as my cousin said only the ones behind the one curtain were being taped or would be seen…shit..that could be the case too…lols))….but check that shit….IF the dude was seen before me…I did a callback….that could help him out…..or as I also thought a few hours after the fact….HEY that’s a good idea I should have pitched to them….survivor vetrans of casting versus noobs……you KNOW that would make for some interesting drama or conflicts or whatever…..particularly if you had the teams intermingled to begin with..maybe you wait until the inevitable merge….do we vote out the guys who have tried out 15 times because we are arrogant prick assholes…do we keep them around because they want it more…do we vote out the noobs because they obviously don’t want it as badly as us …etcetera (((some of the noobs aren’t old enough to have tried out 18 times….I merely haven’t had the opportunity to go to an open casting event….the other few that happened nearby I think I had a job I had to work…..one I literally didn’t find out about until after the fact…so..yeah..anywho)))

ahhhhhhhhh that’s a lot to read itinit..I apologize….only one more item of note (((one more thing..HA…see below..shit..make that two more observations or more so notes about myself and than the literal last “one more thing”))))

so those things I said….I also added something about how I could be subdued or crazy or that I was a little crazy….that was my dee dee dee moment as I kind of stalled for a second or three like i forgot what I was going to say because well…I think I did have a brain fart moment…..I believe it was after my 2nd burst of talking and that right above that I said ‘you should cast me because I can play 20 different characters’…or something to that effect ‘I am 20 characters in one person’…..now that….I have over thunk and I think after I walked out from behind the curtain ((which took me a few seconds as I got trapped in the curtains….that would have been great if a producer/casting person was there to see that haha….jackass points for sure)) I was already thinking to myself…ahhh shazbot. Characters not so much an important thing for survivor…… to go back to my true obsession or preoccupation. Character(s) perfect for big brother….good for the amazing race….something you may seen on survivor BUT not nearly as important for survivor…..so i dunno moving forward if the multiple characters is a good part of my “story”…..nor am I sure that “I am a little bit crazy but in a good way” and variations there of is good BUT that’s been one of my constant selling points and it’s pretty effing true. I’m not crazy of course…but I am easily quite unpredictable…unless you’ve spent a lot of time with or around me in which case….”that’s just john”….so yeah. Also and although thaaat being said. Both shows have had some pretty bat shit crazy people on. They may not have been up front about being that guy or girl..but those people DO get on tv. ((((and I’m convinced big brother loves sociopaths…..I told this to a dude waiting in line with me at the big brother event….he proceeded to go in front of the camera and open with ‘I”m fucking crazy….i’m a sociopath….i don’t care about people’….his wife showed her tits and told them they were swingers….before i digress…he’s got a wife so he obviously ain’t that much of a sociopath…but ronnie is married too and HE is my example of there love of sociopaths….but now to digress or back to that point….and a callback….see Playing the game before I’m on the game. “I’m a sociopath” wasn’t a part of my spiel/points to hit/story…but I talked about it and someone else ran with it….get in their heads early and often….on that note I only slightly regret not having said yeah that guy before me..that sociopath thing…I put that in his head…..it totally wasn’t a coincidence that was what he ran with…..))j….lost in my own thoughts again…I think this point has been made.

so what were the two other things…..lost in my own head I may have forgotten them….let’s take a few minutes to mediate and see if I can remember………….

(la dee la dee dah….la la la la la laaaaaaa…) (((elevator musac here)))

okay well maybe I’ll remember it but my “and one more thing” I said as i was given the 5 seconds left sign was ‘and one more thing when I was in australia I caused a car accident’….I meant to say incident….or a minor traffic accident….because what I said versus what I intended to say could suggest OMFG what a monster versus oh this might be a funny little story. At leat I think so IF you’re reading this please share which you think is more the case…..if you’re curious 100% true and I have a witness who can verify the story…..although there’s not much to it…. walking down the street in mackay australia (( http://maps.google.com/maps?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&q=mackay+australia&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x6bdbd36e9d4ae2eb:0x400eef17f2094a0,Mackay+QLD,+Australia&gl=us&sa=X&ei=nFq-UJyRJ9LWiALR8YHACQ&ved=0CJ0BELYD )) ; me acting like a jackass or being the ass I can sometimes be…maybe blame it on my age  HA…i was walking down the street waving to passing by cars. Maybe it wasn’t cars plural but the one person…but in any case I waved…a chick turned her head and looked..the chick rear ended the person in front of her ((or maybe she was rear ended..bazinga…but I’m not 100% sure)). She was obviously flustered or embarrassed drove around the corner and…..the end. Exciting story isn’t it? Maybe if I were a ladies man I would have ran over and asked if she was alright and……potatoes become fries…..but nope. That’s it. Small town in australia me the stunning american man…..of course that was going to happen…hahaha…but seriously “they love americans” and especially in a small town that doesn’t see shiploads of them frequently. Or maybe she thought I was “someone” ((see previous blogs, including my non posted survivor blog, about how everyone COULD be a someone….i think I also posted that very subject header….maybe I’ll add a link to that….but probably won’t…I guess if you see it than I did….HA))((( And now I will http://jahwoo.wordpress.com/2012/09/18/you-never-know-whos-a-somebody/ ))) ….maybe it had nothing to do with me at all…but what are the chances? ((((on an entirely different but somehow related note…in my life I’ve had a couple of chicks ask for my spit a couple of times…..maybe it was only once but these two broads walked up to me and asked me to spit into a cup……yeah…..that one I will never know the story behind much like when I was in high school standing up in class before class started and a chick i had a few classes with randomly hugged me. She and I weren’t like friends and I don’t think we haed ever exchanged more than a few words with each other…I’ve since decided that was a ‘do one nice task for someone’ or ‘hug a stranger’ or maybe I just looked like I needed a hug…in any case what I was getting at…it was pretty effing weird and totalyl unexpected….I’d like to belive it was something like i want you…i’ve now hugged you…ask me out you dummy kind of thing but my life doesn’t allow for that to be the case…..if my class ever has a reunion (they’ve so far dropped the ball on ten and 15 years….fuck im old0…and she is there..and i find myself in teh situation to talk to her I think I would ask….but….I don’t see that ever happening….and if it did…I don’t see her remembering even doing it……so it will forever be a mystery as to what the reason really was..BUT like I said..I’ve decided the why….now i’d just like a confirmation of my thought. She was on a local saturday morning tv show….she was kind of hot…she was pretty awesome actually…lol….missed opportunites? )))

Okay now that we’ve derailed entirely from anything having to do with survivor…but wait maybe not….survivor is on tv…that chick in my (((()))) was on tv…hmmm…..hahahaha…..I have totally forgotten what my other point I was going to touch upon was….but i DID record myself, shortly after doing my minute, babbling in audio form and running over my talking points, if you will, AND it’s posted on my soundcloud account…but I’m pretty sure they are currently set to private…lolololololol. If someone wanted to hear it though i could probably make that happen….it’s two bits totaling under two minutes…and could have given you the meat without all the additional potatoes included here within…..ie could have saved you the other however many minutes it took to read this….I think I’ve been writing for over an hour…easy to lose track when I don’t know when i started though….lmao…..okay so now to return to the end that I already wrote as per mentioned above….I originally thought to myself, as I was getting a bit bored with writing it a few paragraphs ago, hey this is totally going to be a two parter….but that was after I thought wow look I’m already done….and than there’s what a good ten thousand words…looks like 8 BIG paragraphs and a few smaller stanzas later and I’m still writing….if you made it this far..you’re a trooper…especially because I KNOW it’s at least a little bit all over the place….I may read it myself before posting it in which case…maybe I’ll remember what the other thing I was going to hit on was….or if nothing else it will give me another few paragraphs to write….hahahahaha; Because of the way I do things look for that in the comments section..even if I reply to myself BEFORE this gets posted…uhmkay..a I was saying…thanks if you read all of this…as always it would be nice to get feedback in the form of comments or you know ..comments to tell me how crazy I am…how I should totally keep trying to get on tv shows…how you work for cbs and want to cast me (or you know..you know the people that can..haha)…how I could improve my chances…what I should add or take away from my basic selling points….and/or have you tried out for any shows? What was your experience like? Have you made it further than round one for casting on any shows? ((I think technically I have as I had a pre screening phone call where I took a quiz that had I passed I could have bypassed the line and went right to whatever part 1b was…I think maybe waiting in line was to get to the quiz OR…that was step 2 and I was bypassing 1 because I had the basic requirements….I should have asked….the more you know..you know? In any case I’m pretty sure if i had done great or aced the quiz I would have gotten to the that one step closer than the people waiting in line to try out step; and in case you’re wondering it was for IFC ultimate film fanatic. It was a very short lived game show. Regarding…you guessed it movies… I’ll just say…had it been ten other questions I could have easily gone ten for ten..but instead it was stuff that I think most movie nerds/fanatics/geeks/whatevers would probably have a hard time getting more than half of correct. Very specific shit like in what year did this happen..or who won the oscar for best lighting in 1972…..lol. No exaggeration as a few of them were that….but a few were who directed go (I passed and looked at the back of my dvd to answer that one…but now I also know forever doug liman direced go)..what was the number one film of all time according to afi ((I knew that…rossssebud….Citizen Kane [[editing note..as I'm doing spell check I noticed I had called that raising cain...lmao...fail of epic proportions me..whoo ]]))…I don’t think I remember the other questions but I think I wrote them down and have them somewhere…I think I got like a 4 out of ten….but maybe it was 7 of 20…i feel like it was 4 questions and I had to get 7 or 8 right to move on….but anywho…that’s not this or that..but ….well it is this…but it is what it is or was….itinit?))

so to summarize….one minute…I’m an ass….have you tried out for something? how far did you get? thoughts….opinions..suggestions…do you have a hook up to get me one step closer to ..big brother? hahahaha….proceed to and one more thing and see you later ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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oh yeah and one more thing (that I’m writing before I’m done writing the above but while the thought is fresh in my mind_……I opened with my name because that’s what they said to do…..I said nearly exactly.. ‘Hell I’m john m. wood the 3rd the third in a long line of my name…..’ as I than kind of guffawed at myself and said..well or I hope in a long line…HA….if that doesn’t make me memorable….I don’t know what else would….Maybe screaming WAKE UP AND PAY ATTENTION…because I imagine a room (board room style) full of casting people or producers watching the casting tapes..at a medium to lower volume…while they eat donuts, play on their phones, check email, read a book, shave their legs,……and so on….if that’s even the first people that watch it..it could be a bunch of junior assistants and shit that are told “look for quality x, y, or z; make note of them and pass it on’…in any case I KNOW there’s no way the first eyes cast upon it are 110% paying attention….something has to grab there attention and keep their attention for them to move potentially any further…..that’s another big DUH…and when it’s only a minute….that’s not a HUGE amount of time for a person to shine…but when it’s hundreds of people talking for a minute…well do the math and IF they only took (“only”) 500.and IF they do how I imagine it in my head…..that’s 60 people an hour IF they go straight through….60 into 500 …that’s a good 9 hours….let’s call it a good ten hour shift of watching hundreds of people talking for a minute at a time….if you did that you would get bored pretty quickly I bet…..but digging deeper….that places me roughly at the beginning of hour six of that endeavor……that could be right after lunch when they are tired (if they take a lunch break)…that could be after a mid shift break when they are refreshed…..some how I feel like it puts me in a better place than being 175 or 425….obviously that means 300 is the magic number..or because of my preoccupation ..333…but in any case…I got a good position IF they take the tapes from “seattle” and watch them in one sitting….perhaps even better or worse if it was a standard work day where they don’t jump RIGHT into the tapes and take an hour lunch…that could easily place me into the first thing they see the next morning pile..hahahahha…..over-thinking it much am I? Maybe just a little….okay now lets go back to where I was….turning this into a reading order like you’re watching pulp fiction or something…just a bit…

“STOP THE BOAT…”

god willing “Would you like to know more….”

Thanks~

((((((((((((not “and one more thing”…but literally 90+ minutes of my life spent writing that there up above I think…but damn it feels good..even IF nobody at all reads it…..expressing the demons as it were….thoughts all u in my head that will probably come out again at some point….but it’s kind of a text version of a podcast I don’t have….transcribes to what you would hear if I did…hahaha….but for reals….writing is an excellent outlet to express ones self…to get the clutter out of your head and onto the screen…or page..or wherever…even if it’s not entirely cohesive and no one else enjoys it….I’ve often found it fun to read things I wrote in the past…I wish i had more “journal” type stuff from when I was like…..elementary school and middle school age….didn’t begin doing a lot of spare time writing until high school I think….most of it isn’t that great..but damn it…if there had been blogging when I was a freshman in high school…..I would have all the epic and non epicness notated down already…instead I can only recall instances like the story of the girl hugging me including up above that stick out in my mind….as momentous occasions of wtf was that…I don’t even think there WAS “wtf” at that time…if there had been twitter…i would have got on my phone and tweeted “#WOAH #WTF was that….hot girl in my class just randomly hugged me..!!!??? #niiiice but #weird” hahahahaha….but semi-seriously…”kids” these days don’t even KNOW how much easier the social interacting is with all the digital options….cell phones? digital cameras? webcams?..skype?….hiding behind your keyboard?!….okay so the bullying might be a little bit worse too…but I think had facebook or myspace or whatever been all the rage I would have had a lot more ‘friends’….at least talked to a lot more people in high school….AOL was in the beginning of being HUGE when I was a senior..or maybe the summer before my senior year….there were a few people in class that were like yeah I got the aol…..nothing like 9 out of 10 people in class that would have had myspace had it been ten years later…..yep….and with that I will stfu….to go old school aol on you….. “GOOD-BYE” ….. remember when “You’ve got mail” made you do a little happy dance?….now you can’t get away from the email….ha…..))))))))))))))))

{{{{  I never stop do I? going through that for the spell check I did remember something that I also kind of did..and that was tell people to like my posts and retweet me and what have you if they wanted to see me on big brother…I didn’t do that so much for survivor but I DID have a tweet ready on my phone to show the camera that said, essentially, ‘I would watch if you were on’ ; The thought in my head from that kind of thing continues to be…have people put their money where there mouth is…as it were…create a petition get signatures and present that as I talk to the camera….hahahaha….I’m sure it’s been done before but if not….there you go someone else..be sure to steal my idea…;) I don’t really think it would help anyway BUT one of my survivor selling points I didn’t hit was lots of my family watch survivor…a few more would if I was on it….and I’m sure some of my ‘friends’ would also tune in, maybe even for the first time, if I was on the show….but anywho…….I haven’t re read this yet….so if anything else comes to me a part two will probably happen..or I’ll comment on my own blog like I said I would…toodles…or if you prefer tootles…one isn’t a word according to the spell check..hahahaha }}}}}}

Not anymore.

Alfred Hitchcock‘s Vertigo is now in the top spot. Bumping Cane to #2. Rounding out the top five:

Tokyo Story, La Regle Du Jeu, and Sunrise: A Song For Two Humans.

Yeah, I hadn’t even heard of those last two either.

But #6 is one of my all time favorites and I believe, will always be one of the best films ever: 2001: A Space Odyssey.

The BFI Sight and Sound Poll has been voting every ten years since 1952. Over 800 film critics and experts participated.

I am not going to sit here and rant about how Orson Welles was brilliant and the best thing since sliced bread, how Citizen Cane was the best movie ever made, or how The War of The Worlds was the bees knees (which it was by the way). Because in all honesty, I am not very familiar with all the works of Welles and his career. But that doesn’t mean I do not know who he is and how to appreciate a good thing when I see it, and to respect it. No big long rant here, I cant say anything that would be more cool than how this man carries himself. Listen to the interview and enjoy the whit and wisdom.

“Rosebud…“

NEWS ON THE MARCH!!

Born of humble means in Memphis, Tennessee to working class parents Luther and Lenora, Cain would go on to attend  Morehouse College. A stint in the Navy, where he earned his masters degree at Purdue University, followed by work in the private sector for Coca Cola and Pillsbury as a business analyst, then V.P., then Burger King turnaround expert, then CEO of the worst pizza chain in modern history: Little Caesars.

Cain and a group buy Little Caesars from Pillsbury. Millions are made in the Mall Mozzarella Motherlode. Fortune amassed?

No man knows.

Titan of Capitalism: Cain would become Deputy Chairman and then a Chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City, while serving as the Emperor of Pizza Pizza.

A senatorial bid in 2004. Second place. In the primary. Ignominious defeat. The Cain empire begins to crumble.

But good news!  Cain’s mouth continues to work, so he talks about work, rather than doing any. Cain the opinion-maker!  Cain is seen as a key agent in the demise of the Clinton Health Care plan. His star in GOP circles rises.

A gig as a Right-wing talk show host in the Atlanta area followed. A commentator for hundreds  then TV beckons. Add hundreds more watching Fox Business News at 2AM.

Cain, becomes a self-avowed “dark horse candidate” for the office of the President in 2012. Having never held elected office, not even dog catcher, some might laugh at his ambitions.  Thankfully for Cain, Donald Trump diverts comedians’ attention from his equally long-shot career move.

Cain attracts Tea Party extremists and radical Libertarians with his views. He campaigns for the “Fair Tax,”  and the gold standard, and his often borderline xenophobic obsession with securing our borders.

Cain wooed women voters in his 2004 failed senate bid, going  on the record as opposing abortion even in cases of rape or incest.

NEWS ON THE MARCH!

“All right, all right.. We know Cane was a self-important blowhard who buys into his PR and figures that his talk show will springboard him to Pennsylvania Ave.  What is all this “Rosebud” business?

“Maybe it’s code for his take on the gold standard.”

“Maybe it’s the name of a woman he loved and lost.”

“Maybe it’s a sled that he had as a child. His… lost innocence…”

“A sled?  God, why do I hire idiots?! Go. Find out.”

“Yessir.  Rosebud, dead or alive…”

(A bust of Herman Cane stands in the marble halls of the Cain Library, where a somberly-clad, purse-lipped woman with readers on a chain sits down with a small Apple laptop.  She looks over the top of her glasses and down the end of her long, squarish nose at me…)

“I’m the keeper of the Cain Archives here at Google. You will have one hour to browse his pages.  References are made to his political philosophies on pages…”

“I think I’m fine, ma’am. I know how to use Google.”

“You have one hour with the Cain library, Mr. Ross.”

So this is what I found. This is what I think Herman Cain is all about:

Cain Gold Standard Is A Bit Tarnished

Real Clear Politics shares this audio clip on his gold standard thinking:

“Yes I believe in the gold standard. We should have never gotten off the gold standard because when we got off the gold standard, that then allowed Congress to inflate our currency whenever they overspent. Now look at the mess that we have.”

His  solid thinking receives heaping praise from the rich, and the think-tanks which they stoke with pedigreed anti-intellectuals. When World Bank president Robert Zoellick broached the subject last November, even the conservative Financial Times noted:

“Although there are occasional calls for a return to using gold as an anchor for currency values, most policymakers and economists regard the idea as liable to lead to overly tight monetary policy with growth and unemployment taking the brunt of economic shocks.”

None of the major world corporations could have grown to the levels that they have over the decades since we departed the gold standard.  The free-market capitalism which made Mr. Cain a wealthy man would not have existed to that extent if credit had been tied strictly to the price of the gold sitting in Fort Knox.

“It’s time for you to go, Mr. Ross,” the snippy librarian said. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

“No ma’am. Unless you’re Rosebud. Are you Rosebud?”

“Why I never…”

“That would explain the clothes. Have a good day.”

Next I went to the Club Trop to see the former Mrs. Cain…

“You want to know about Herman? Herman is all up on the gold standard and he supports the…”

“Yes, I know Mrs. Cain. I was at the library.  What about Rosebud? Did he mention it to you? Do you know anything about it?”

“Maybe it’s his pet name for the Fair Tax, which is the other thing near and dear to his heart.”

The Fair Tax, a bill tagged as H.R. 25 in the Congress, is a value-added tax that Cane and other Republicans don’t like to call a value-added tax. Obama proposed a VAT, but the Cane-style VAT is sans other federal or state taxes.

“Fair” taxers want to abolish the IRS and any income tax. Federal, state and local governments take money for sales taxes on goods and services, at a likely 30% rate if they want to keep the government funded as it exists today. The most costly elements of government can’t be hacked out, so cockeyed optimists from the GOP who think they can take a weed-whacker to Medicare and Social Security are dreaming.

They propose a tax credit for the poor that automatically “prefunds” their estimated tax consumption for the year.  This would make the tax burden near zero for people at the bottom of the scale.

Numerous studies produced by Right-wing economic groups and think tanks project a boon for the tax base. A study by economists Laurence Kotlikoff and Sabine Jokisch in 2007 concluded that a Fair Tax would give low-income households 26.3% more purchasing power, middle-income households 12.4% more purchasing power, and high-income households with 5%.  They also argue that it is in indirect manner of taxing the $1-$3 Trillion market in illegal goods because these normal tax cheats would have to pay taxes on equipment, supplies, and luxury goods which they now purchase for a fraction of the sales tax.

Of course, that’s the rosy estimate.

Taxes may have to be over 30%, as new tax dodges emerge. Buying a high-priced yacht?  Do it in the Bahamas, register it there, and save!  Heck, why not live abroad awhile if you can afford it. Lots of lower tax countries to visit.

Want to buy a house?  You wouldn’t if Herman Cane and his pals got their way.  Under Fair Tax your house purchase would be taxable at rates in the 30% range, AND you get no deductability for your mortgage interest as there is no more income tax to deduct it against.  A 2008 study by the Baker Institute For Public Policy concluded that the Fair Tax would significantly impact home buying because there would be a substantial increase in the cost and no tax benefit to owning.

States would have to ratify a new constitutional amendment that  repeals the 16th Amendment, which calls for an income tax.   According to the Government Accountability Office (GAO), 80% of state tax officials opposed a national sales tax as an intrusion on their tax base.  In the polarized world of modern telepolitics, it is highly unlikely that the number of states needed to amend the constitution could come together to ratify the change.

The bottom line for the Fair Tax isn’t that fair.  Sure, the poor are refunded and the wealthy save because they invest large chunks of their money which isn’t then subject to tax until they spend it. That’s a much smaller proportion of their income.

The people who would bear the brunt of  Cain’s capitalist conflagration? The dwindling middle class. They spend a higher proportion of their annual income just to get by.

It was a lot of information to take in at a bar. Felt like I should have been at the library for that.

I returned to the office.  My steely-eyed managing editor beckoned me into his office.

“So, did you find Rosebud?”

“I think I did.  Honestly, boss, I was coming back here stumped. Then I’m riding back here in the taxi, and they have one of those TVs in the back. I was watching Fox News and I suddenly got it. Nearly 5 in 10 Republicans think Barack Obama is a Kenyan.”

“That’s it?”

“Well sir, if that many scared white people are Republicans, my guess is that rosebud is the dope that Herman Cain is smoking to think that he can get elected President as a member of the GOP.”

My shiny two.

This widely-acclaimed film from debut film director/actor Orson Welles (24 years old) is usually regarded as the greatest film ever made. The film, budgeted at $800,000, received unanimous critical praise even at the time of its release, although it was not a commercial success (partly due to its limited distribution and delayed release by RKO due to pressure exerted by famous publisher W.R. Hearst). The film engendered controversy (and efforts at suppression in early 1941 through intimidation, blackmail, newspaper smears, discrediting and FBI investigations) before it premiered in New York City on May 1, 1941, because it appeared to fictionalize and caricaturize certain events and individuals in the life of William Randolph Hearst – a powerful newspaper magnate and publisher.

I marvel anew each time an actor takes the challenge of the Hagen Exercises.

The Hagen Exercises are so True, so sublime, so much a part of us, that it never fails that an actor sees more than there needs to be. They are sure that they should be entertaining, and just “folding laundry” could never be enough. What could possibly be gained, learned, from just “folding laundry”? That’s just TOO “mundane”, “simple”, “boring”. And I do my best, as teacher, as guide, not to rush the actor’s experience, not to instantly change their opinion/perspective of the process.

Giving answers is not teaching or learning. Discovering answers IS learning. The Hagen Exercises are experiential. No tricks. No short cuts. No gimmicks. You learn from them just as you do from life. You must be open to the lesson inherent in the experience. Truth is not a neon sign. Truth is the glow of warm coals. Compare the memories you have of a circus trick performer and its impresson on you and the memories you have of some sunset, of your child calling your name, of the look of someone opening your gift. Compare the extravagance to the simplicity. One is fleeting, one is lasting. That is our work. No teacher working from the Art, from Stanislavski, to Strasberg, to Adler, to Meisner to Ms. Hagen, taught tricks. We seek a depth of understanding that allows a wide expression of intelligence and passion.

Tricks can never provide such a range of expression. Remember, tricks are what works for others. The Hagen Exercises allow you to discover what works for you. You will be developing your own, personal, unique process of creating. Not copying anyone. Your uniqueness. I ask you all to reassess your definition of ACTING. Consider the long line of creative giants in our Art: Duse, Chaplin, Garbo, Barrymore, Oliver, Hardy, Dietrich, Groucho, Tracy, Fonda, Gable, Colbert, Hepburn, Davis, Fields, Russell, Cooper, Stanwick, Bogart, Bergman, Grant, Garland, Cagney, Stewart, Kelly, Wayne, Olivier, Gielgud, Burton, Brando, Newman. They left a mark of such power and clarity in their work that they and their films are considered giants in our industry: VERTIGO, CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF, TWELVE ANGRY MEN, REAR WINDOW, ON THE WATERFRONT, A STREETCAR NAMES DESIRE, THE GRAPES OF WRATH, HIS GIRL FRIDAY, CITIZEN CANE, MEET JOHN DOE, THE MALTESE FALCON, CASABLANCA, THE OX-BOWE INCIDENT, MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS, AMERICAN IN PARIS, TOP HAT, ADAM’S RIB, ANIMAL CRACKERS, and on and on.

You can and must leave your mark of your power, of your clarity, of your wit and passion. Not tricks. Wit and passion are human. They are not technical. They can not be reduced to tricks and shortcuts unless you believe you can reduce a human and their experiences of life to tricks and shortcuts. Actors bring to life human experience. How’s that for a definition of Acting!

ActTrue

Why, you ask? Because they’ve produced a movie so incredibly epic, that after seeing it you will want to literally burn your copy of “Citizen Cane.” Not even kidding. Here’s a taste:

The film premiered on Syfy channel 3 days ago, and Martin Scorsese has been in bed crying ever since, because he knows he’ll never measure up to this thing. Channeling the nostalgic feelings you have for Greg Brady, and the fact that you still would probably do Tiffany, the producers of “Mega Piranha” have stumbled upon an unbeatable formula for oscar winning (hint: it involves piranhas eating helicopters out of the sky. OUT OF THE SKY).

Thanks to the makers of this film, I cannot bathe without being overcome with a crippling fear of piranhas (or getting “Could’ve been” out of my head). Seriously. I’m disgusting right now. But that’s better than being piranha food, right? Right. Interaction with females is for the weak. And piranhas can smell your weakness.

Anyway, now that you know it’s your duty to spread the word. Go out and tell people. Better yet, illegally download a copy, burn it onto 50 DVDs, and then replace 50 movies with it inside your local blockbuster. People won’t be pissed because who wants to see “The Notebook” when you can see a guy kicking multiple piranhas, mid-air, in succession? That’s right. No one. Except maybe Nicholas Sparks. But he’s a joke anyway.

Just imagine the white version

Greetings, Letters to Twilight readers, commenters, and stalkers.

I am a good friend of your favorite new contributor, The Font.  I, too, am a straight dude.  You may call me White Yorkie.

Over the past few years, I have had numerous in depth discussions/confusion sessions with people (The Font and Moon included) concerning the Twilight phenomenon.  Lately though, the inability for my friends to not mention Twilight when we’re together is pushing me to the brink of insanity.  Usually resulting in making me irritable, angry, and unpleasant.

Where are you White Yorkie? Is that you w/ the camcorder?

My bewilderment began at Comic-Con 08 in the now infamous Hall H pandemonium inducing panel discussion.  At the time, Twilight wasn’t on my radar whatsoever.  I’d never even heard of it.  So you can imagine my surprise when the cast arrived onstage and 3,000 screaming girls (and their mothers) nearly deafened me.  WTF can’t even begin to describe the look on my face and the utter horror welling up in my heart.   I was there for panels on comics, comic-based movies, and to look at/buy copious amounts of actions figures.  So who were these teeny-emo-vamps and why had they taken over my joyous Comic-Con experience?  Surely this unheard of movie (to me) didn’t warrant a coveted spot in Hall H!  And then the panel started…

Yup, that's my hair up there

First, the Q&A.

First observation: Kristen Stewart (codename: SleepyFace), apparently touches her hair just as much off-screen as she does on.  And it’s not like I didn’t like her, she just seemed bored out of her skull (read: scared out of her MIND).  I just wanted the madness to be over so I could see my exclusive Watchmen footage and then get back to discussing the minutiae of how my friends and I would revise the Star Wars saga to our liking.

Wait, you don't see the allure here?

And then they started asking You-Know-Who some questions.  Each and every time their beloved R. Pattzy opened his mouth to answer, he was greeted by minutes of shrieking.  He couldn’t even speak.  And when he did, you couldn’t hear a dang thing.  I kept having flashbacks of old footage from Beatles and Michael Jackson concerts with hordes of psychotic fans being carried away due to fainting/convulsions.  What in the name of Alan Moore was happening?  This poor, seemingly soft-spoken actor, was in serious danger of having his clothes ripped off or just complete dismemberment as a result of some crazed stage-rushing fiasco.  In my entire life, I had never encountered something like this.  And I was terrified.  What and who has tapped into these girls’/mothers’ hearts and minds that makes them act this way?  And HOW did they do it?

Find out more plus a special announcement after the cut

Xena or an outtake from Twilight?

Okay, I thought, perhaps the movie is legit and that is why these girls are so ga-ga.  And then, they cued up the exclusive footage.  My, oh my, I just wanted to claw out my corneas right then and there.

It looked like a rejected CW show.  The acting looked amateur at best.  The effects were Xena: Warrior Princess-esque.  And yet, you would think the crowd had just seen the trailer for Citizen Cane II: The Return of Rosebud.  What was I missing?  What made this thing so great to cause women to flock to San Diego for mere minutes of footage and glimpses of actors?  And then, of course, after the panel there was a mass-exodus.  These people had come for one thing and one thing only.  Which is more than a little frustrating if you’re part of the usual Comic-Con crowd.  And they would be there the next year, clogging crowds with their glittery, homemade t-shirts, lining up for days, ready to scream their little pubescent lungs out.  Somebody kill me with a special edition Kill Bill Hanso sword please.

White Yorkie's idea of a good time

Years and one viewing/reading later, and I’m still just as dumbfounded.  Almost all the girls I know can’t help but be obsessed.  Even girls who have a love for good literature can’t help but be sucked into its pull.  However, although I remain highly skeptical and cynical about the whole thing, one positive has came to light.   It gets girls and guys talking.  The good kind of talking.  Social constructs, true love and what it looks like, dating, girls’ expectations vs guys’ expectations, literature lovers/moviegoers wants, needs, and desires, the list goes on.  And that, dear Twi-Hardies, is what I’m interested in.

So, in closing, I ask you, what desire/need (if any) has The Stephenie tapped into that fills that Pattzy shaped hole in your heart?  And does it cause you to approach your dating world differently?

-White Yorkie

ANNOUNCEMENT!
In light of the raging success of The Font and with the help of White Yorkie we’re going to be featuring them on the regular. That’s right TF and WY will be joining us for a podcast where we talk about Twilight, you guys, your comments, your questions, what’s hot in the Twilight fandom and all from the dude’s perspective hosted by your fave bloggers UC and Moon! So what does that mean?! We need YOUR questions or topics for us to cover! Want to ask a question about a guy’s take on Twilight? Want to know what we think about a current topic in the Twidom? Then ask us in the comments or send us an email!

Our internet game is still ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

I have made my own ice cream several times; however, the ice cream turned out to have big ice crystals and not like real ice cream. I think part of my problem rested in using 2% milk. The recipe used, in the past, called for milk and since 2% is all that’s ever on hand, I used it. There may have been too much water in the milk to freeze correctly. I’m saying that was the issue, anyway!

This ice cream began the night before with making the base.

• 2 cups half-and-half
• 1 cup whipping cream
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup peach preserves
• 1 vanilla bean, split and scraped – I used a teaspoon of vanilla extract because I didn’t have a vanilla bean on hand.
• Pinch kosher salt

Heat the mixture to 170 degrees F, then move to a bowl and refrigerate overnight.

The next day, while firing up the grill, I placed 4 halved peaches on the grill. Because I use charcoal, the peaches ended up with a smoky flavoring. The peaches can also be caramelized under the broiler. The charred peaches need to be chopped into pieces for adding into the ice cream later.

Now, I’d like to introduce my ice cream maker. I bought it many years ago at Goodwill for a $1. It was a major find because this was back when I first began watching Good Eats and acquiring better kitchen gear. It has a frozen core as Alton recommended, but is a hand crank model. Nevertheless, it fit my specs and price range for certain. It has been one fantastic little churn. I’ve made lots of sorbets and frozen yogurts with it, in addition to my huge ice crystal ice cream.

So the ice cream making began with churning the base… and churning… and churning. On thing about making ice cream outside in hot, humid weather, it takes a long, long time to get the cream mixture to “soft serve consistency.” But once that magic happens, add the chopped peaches.

Unlike the problems with other ice cream recipes, this one turned out to be fantastic. No big ice crystals, instead it was smooth and creamy. I called it being very similar to peach yogurt with the cream and fruit combo, just not sour like yogurt. The peaches have a hint of charcoal smoke, I haven’t decided if I like that enough to grill the peaches again. But I do know, I will make some more of this ice cream.

Oh well. Anyway, here’s another short story I wrote for a class last year for kicks and giggles. The assignment had something to do with dialogue, and I sort of pride myself on writing comic witty banter. The title speaks for itself. Seriously. Read with some caution.

- – -

“So… it’s almost eleven-thirty…” Jon looked up at the clock and rubbed his eyes. “Are we almost done with this paper?”

“We’re… halfway there?” Neil squinted at the computer monitor then looked back. “That sounds right.”

“Okay, well, here.” Leland flipped through the book. “We need… what, two more examples of narrative pacing? What about the part where they take Blevins behind the trees and shoot him, because-”

“Whoa, wait, they shoot Blevins?!”

“Uh… yeah,” Leland drew out the words as his eyes widened. “They shoot Blevins…”

“I’m not there yet! That’s not cool!”

“That happened in part three. Of four. Also, we’re supposed to have the book done. Hence, you know, the paper we’re working on. For tomorrow.”

“I know enough to help out, it’s all analysis. You don’t really need to actually know the story to do that.”

“It might help!”

“Okay, anyway, about narrative pacing…” Neil cut in.

“Yeah, well, you don’t just ruin a book for someone else!”

“You were supposed to have it done! We have to write a paper on it for tomorrow!”

“I had to do the Film Society reading!”

“What reading? Watch There Will Be Blood?”

“I had subtitles on.”

“So I think that because the author uses a lot of separate lines, the narrative pacing slows to a more retarded pace and raises the tension…”

“You know what else is retarded?” Jon interrupted and muttered into his book. “People who ruin books for people who haven’t finished them yet.”

“Oh shut up already!” Leland spun his chair away from the computer monitor. “It’s not like I told you Snape killed Dumbledore.”

“You didn’t…” Jon glared at him through the now thin slit between his eyelids.

“You’re kidding. That came out like three years ago! You haven’t finished yet?”

“Stop spoiling books for me!”

“Oh, I’m sorry! You know what else? Harry kills Voldemort!”

“Dammit, Leland!” Jon jumped out of his chair.

“So the tension affects the reader’s mood by…”

“On Murder on the Orient Express, everybody did it!” Leland got to his feet too.

“Leland!”

“Guys. The reader’s mood…”

“Oh, yeah?” Jon looked around. “Well, in The Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis was dead the whole time!”

“Everybody already knows that!”

“The mood…”

“Yeah, well, in Psycho, Bates’s mom was dead the whole time!”

Leland raised his palms and stared at Jon.

“Everybody knows! It’s common knowledge! Like how Edward Norton and Brad Pitt were the same person in Fight Club.”

“I haven’t seen that movie yet!”

“Mood!”

“The Planet of the Apes was Earth the whole time!” Jon raised his arms.

“An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge was a dream sequence the whole time!”

“Rosemary’s baby is the devil!”

“George shoots Lennie!”

“Everybody dies in Hamlet!”

“Everybody knows that!”

“Mood!”

“Soylent Green is people!”

“People who haven’t even heard of that movie know that!”

“Mood!”

“Rosebud was his sleigh!”

Leland raised his eyebrow.

“Uh… Darth Vader is Luke’s father?”

Leland leaned forward.

“He loved Big Brother.”

“Dammit, Leland!”

Jon lunged and tackled Leland onto the ground.

“Mood!”

The good thing about Mr. Brown is that after you have read him you forget him – that is until Ron Howard comes along and forces him down your throat again.

We all sat through the interminable screen version of ‘The Da Vinci Code’, a movie that did more damage to the art of film making than the Catholic Church has managed to do to Science in it’s entire 2000 year history.

You may have noticed I’m not a fan.

What has happened to Tom Hanks? This was the actor who so powerfully portrayed ‘Andrew Beckett’, a gay man dying of HIV/AIDS in the 1993 film ‘Philadelphia’, an actor who convinced us that “life was just a box of chocolates” in ‘Forrest Gump’ and who took us across the beaches of Normandy to save Private Ryan. What has happened – we know he can act, we know he can and will make courageous choices in the the roles he plays – why oh why has he revisited this rather dull character of ‘Professor Robert Langdon’? Has the Global Economic Downturn hit the mega rich so hard, that it is robbing them of their talent?

It’s a silly plot – The Pope has died, let’s elect a new Pope, let’s kidnap the favourite candidates, let’s resurrect the ‘Illuminati’, (boy can they hold a grudge), lets drive fast through the streets of Rome, (or a town that could possibly be Rome if we had not been banned from filming in Rome), might as well throw in the ‘Hadron Particle Super Collider’ and instead of the Anti Christ I know let’s have some Anti Matter .

Why did I go and see it – well it was free. Proving once again that old adage, “There’s no such thing as a free film in this town”.

Now look here Mr Howard, you gave us ‘Frost/Nixon’, you gave us ‘Apollo 13′ and you gave us ‘A Beautiful Mind’ – why oh why are you punishing us with this dross? Perhaps you and Mr. Hanks have made some secret compact to punish all of us who still remember you as ‘Opie’ and him as ‘Kip Wilson’, (‘Bosom Buddies’).

Look go and see it if you want, it’s not ‘Citizen Cane’ and by the time you get back to your car you will have forgotten just how ordinary this movie really is. A much better idea would be to bite the bullet and see ‘Samson and Delilah’, one of those movies you always say that you should see but always put off because you are never quite in the right frame of mind. It’s the difference between artifice and art.

A fascinating story of idealism corrupted by wealth Citizen Kane is frequently named the greatest film of all time and is credited with inspiring more directorial careers than any other film in history. Orsen Welles and Agnes Moorehead star.

Citizen Kane (Two-Disc Special Edition) is available at Amazon for $9.99. To Order click here
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Other Products of Interest

• Casablanca
• Sunset Boulevard (Special Collector’s Edition)
• On the Waterfront (Special Edition)
• Lawrence of Arabia (Single Disc Edition)
• Chinatown (Special Collector’s Edition)

That’s because I’m applying to be a blogger for a travel website that promotes New York City attractions and I have to submit a sample post. I didn’t want to pick something too cliche, like The Empire State Building. Nor did I want to go the morose route of writing about Grant’s tomb (although you can’t beat An Attraction to Take For Granted! as a title). So I chose Pinkberry.

The song is super catchy, even if it is a bit difficult to sing along to without falling behind during the PIN-KBE-RRY refrain. (0:31) My Junior Year of High School, when I played Aunt Eller, I couldn’t spell Oklahoma, either. O-K-L-O-M-H-A!

Pinkberry is only available in New York City and California. That, coupled with long lines, helps qualify it as an Attraction. There are currently 13 locations in Manhattan. Mayan legend has it that 13 crystal skulls will one day unite and save humanity from a horrible catastrophe. Now I’m fairly certain these “skulls” are Pinkberry stores (Mayan is so easily mistranslated) where the delicious dispensed goodness is crystalline cold and quite possibly our only means of averting nuclear war.

Pinkberry, as a verb, means to wait. First you pinkberry on the curb next to stinky Soho trash, and then you pinkberry indoors on a faux-pebble floor, slowly filing past adorable but unnecessary kitchen kitsch by Italian designer Alessi: an egg-cup in the shape of a blue alien, for example. But all this pinkberrying has an air of urban hipness. It’s like the L train, only pastel, and with $500 Philippe Starck Victoria Ghost chairs.

Sure, I think the name Pinkberry sounds like an alternate ending for Citizen Cane , but I love the tart, natural taste of its three fro-yo flavors (Green Tea, Coffee, and Original) and the huge selection of fresh fruit toppings. Also, with 13 locations, you’re guaranteed not to be in this line:

Cabaret 1972

Caddyshack 1982

TV does this better and for less.

La Cage aux Folles 1978

The French did it best.

Calamity Jane 1953

With Doris Day. Don’t even get this on TV anymore, though this is where I would have seen it twenty odd years ago.

Call of the Wild 1972

Camelot 1967

But Richard Harris can’t sing and his toupee or brush-over looks ridiculous.

Camille Claudel 1988

Isabelle Adjani as Rodin’s pupil and mistress. Brilliant.

The Cannonball Run 1980

Whacky Races with has been talent.

Cape Fear 1991

Scary stuff. Robert de Niro is hideous and Juliette Lewis a wet fanny.

Capricorn One 1978

A film with Elliot Gould – there used to be a lot of them.

Captain Blood 1935

The pirate film that made Errol Flynn. Have I seen it? Or just clips?

Captain Correlli’s Mandolin 2001

Great book, shame about the film and Nicholas Cage’s accent.

Caravaggio 1986

Derek Jarman. What a ham. So gay I nearly walked out. Saw it at the ICA with Derek Jarman giving a talk afterwards.

Carrie 1976

Sissy Spacek in this Stephen King novel directed by Brian de Palma.

Carry on up the Khyber 1968

And many other Carry On films (all on TV, usually around Easter or Christmas)

Casablanca 1942

Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Burgman … and so much analysed we all know the story inside out.

The Casino Royale 1967

‘One of the most shameless wastes of time and talent in screen history.’ I can see where Austin Powers came from.

Casper 1995

With Christina Ricci.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof 1958

Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor

Catch 22 1970

Catch Me if You Can 2000

Stephen Speilberg directs Leonardo di Caprio and Tom Hanks. Great stuff.

The Cement Garden 1993

Charlotte Gainsbourge has sex with her brother after their parents die.

Chaplin 1992

Before Robert Downey Jnr went off the rails. Directed by Richard Attenborough. 145m … though some thought it should be longer.

The Charge of the Light Brigade 1968

With Trevor Howard

Chariots of Fire 1981

‘The Brits are coming’ Oh yeah?

Charlotte Gray 2001

Cate Blanchet from a best selling novel.

Le Chateua de Ma Mere 1990

Lovely French film of childhood growing up in Provence.

Cheaper by the Dozen 2003

Chicago 2002

In which Catherine Zeta Jones should NOT have received an Oscar.

Chinatown 1974

Roman Polanski directs Jack Nicholson.

A Chorus Line 1985

A Christmas Carol 1938

Never bettered.

The Cider House Rules 1999

Lasse Haelstgrom with Tobey Mcguire.

Cinema Paradiso 1989

Lovely.

Circle of Two 1980

A 60 year old artist falls for a teenage student. Should this be allowed? Richard Burton was eyeing up Tatum O’Neal.

Citizen Cane 1941

Orson Wells

City Slickers 1991

Clear and Present Danger 1994

Harrison Ford is the same in each one of these.

Cleopatra 1963

Have I ever sat through all of this?

Clerks 1994

Cliffhanger 1993

Clockwork Mice 1995

Vadim Jean at his inadequate again.

Clockwork Orange 1971

But have I sat through it?

Close Encounters of the Third Kind 1977

A Close Shave 1995

Cocoon 1985

With Don Ameche directed by Ron Howard.

The Color Purple 1985

Whoopi Goldberg directed by Stephen Speilberg

Coma 1978

Where Michael Crichton began (I believe). With Genevieve Bujold and Michael Douglas.

The Commitments 1991

The audience sequence is the blueprint for the X Factor.

The Company of Wolves 1984

Conan the Barbarian 1981

Conan the Destroyer 1984

Condorman 1981

With Michael Crawford.

The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and His Lover 1989

Peter Greenaway. Why critics rate this unpalatable, unpopular tosh so highly I cannot fathom.

Cool Hand Luke 1987

Paul Newman eats a lot of hard boiled eggs.

The Count of Monte Cristo 2002

Kevin Reynolds with some unknowns – needed the style and action of Pirates of the Caribbean.

Cousin, Cousine 1975

Various love affairs centre on a family wedding.

On video somewhere.

Crash 1996

James Spader is weird in J G Ballard’s weird book.

Creature Comforts 1989

Another Oscar for Nick Park.

Crimes and Misdemeanors 1989

Woody Allen at his most insightful.

Crimes of Passion 1984

Ken Russell at his perverted, esoteric worst.

‘Crocodile’ Dundee 1986

Paul Hogan in a surprising hit

Cromwell 1970

Alec Guinness and Richard Harris. The kind of thing that turned me on to history despite its stogginess.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 2000

The Crucible 1996

Daniel Day Lewis and Winona Rider in 1690’s Salem

The Crying Game 1996

Neil Jordan and an IRA Murderer.

The Curse of Frankenstein 1957

Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee.

Cyrano de Bergerac 1990

Brilliant with Gerard Depardieu