A bunch of chickens have eaten chicken feed tainted with the industrial chemical melamine, used to manufacture plastic utensils and fertilizer. Gross.

Apparently the feed was partially made from pet food that had ALREADY been recalled because of its taintedness. Gross.

Richard Lobb, a spokesman for the National Chicken Council says to blame China!

“Melamine is not supposed to be in any animal feed, pet food… it’s an industrial chemical and that problem goes back to China where they were deliberately spiking the product with melamine and before that with urea in order to boost its protein content,” Lobb said.

Eww! Urea? That’s nasty. I bet that China’s not the only place where that kind of shit (or piss) happens.

So who is to blame? China? No way. Blame the chicken growers importing their feed rather than feeding the chickens things grown on their own farm. Importing feed, even when it’s not loaded with nasties, is bad a) when its manufacture creates pollution, b) when its shipment creates even more pollution, c) when the chemicals in it make the chicken sick, d) when the chickens get antibiotics to combat the sickness from the tainted feed and our bodies get overloaded with antibiotics, and e) when the people getting rich off of it are the pharmaceutical manufacturers and the industrial feed manufacturers, and farmers are forced to participate in the system even though it is totally f-ed up.

Why do people go to Manhattan clubs? They’re crowded, expensive, and the polar opposite of fun. Not fun. They’re pretty much all awful. Each and every one. But I think the worst might be BLVD. Pronounced “boulevard.” It’s tricky, I know. BLVD is located on Bowery between Spring St. and Hell. But it’s closer to Hell. You’ll see it. It has its minions standing guard outside. They’re not too noticeable at first, looking like typical Manhattan bouncers, however once they speak to you it’s impossible to ignore their satan inspired attitude, and asshole-like faces. Also, try not to look them straight in the eye. You might turn into stone. Or vomit. So best to try to avoid that.

Another reason to hate BLVD is for its dresscode; men are required to wear button up shirts and loafers of some kind. No sneakers. However, the bouncers/doormen are allowed to look as though they spent the early afternoon hours punching their faces in with their own fists, and wear clothes that resemble outfits that could be found at a Mordor tag sale. Justice, where is the justice? And most annoying, BLVD enforces a “no cutting” policy, even if, let’s say, a certain someone (me, perhaps?) was in line with friends but then left to (very quickly) use the bathroom at the Chinese restaurant next door.  Once returning to her original spot, this certain someone would be forced to move to the back of the line.  (That was a true story.) Total bullshit. It’s fine though, Medusa (bouncer’s nickname, by me) received a nice long reprimand afterwards. It went really well. He seemed to really care. Moving along, once inside BLVD’s sneaker-free club, one can enjoy the extremely reasonably priced $8 coat check, $15 drinks, $50 minimum credit card tab, and $25 cover. It’s like heaven on earth.

So, if you’re looking to get into an argument with a bouncer and spend a chunk of your weekly earnings on watered down drinks, well then BLVD is the place to go. And if what you’re searching for is the opposite of that? Well, I say spend your weekends in Brooklyn. Sweet, sweet Brooklyn.

*Note: Author left the BLVD scene shortly after battling it out with Medusa. However, all prices have been confirmed by some friends who decided to stay.