Then Hideo thought, perhaps using radiation to grow giant spare body parts wasn’t the best idea…

For some time, mistress has expressed an interest in challenging me with performing sexual acts on others while she watched, especially with other men. Watching me suck a man and swallow his load was especially appealing to mistress, and it was only a matter of time before she made it happen.

A short time ago, we had just finished eating the dinner I prepared and I was preparing to settle in with mistress for the evening when she ordered me to undress and assume ‘the position’ on the floor: the position being on knees and elbows, elbows extended out past my head and face into the floor.  I complied of course, and mistress began to strike me with the crop, reminding me of the house rules and why I was lucky to serve her.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and mistress ordered me to remain in my place. I heard her invite someone in, and they both took a position behind me. I had no idea who it was or that anything was even planned for the evening. The rustle of clothes told me it was something significant, then mistress said, “You can sit down”.

“Slave, get up.”

I immediately rose from my elbows and turned around, seeing a man I had never met sitting naked in her living room chair.

“You know what to do slave” said mistress, and I crawled over to the edge of the chair and took his cock in my hands. For the first time in my life, I put a cock in my mouth and began to suck. Strange feeling – it feels very different in my mouth than I imagined it did watching it. It felt more rubbery, and a lot larger in the mouth than I imagined. I stroked as I sucked, feeling very lost about exactly how to do this. So strange – having that act performed on myself many times was evidently no help to me when I found myself in the driver’s seat.

Mistress was clearly enjoying it – as I sucked and stroked, I heard her moaning with pleasure. “Ok, stand up”, she told him, “and jerk it into his mouth. Slave, no swallowing until I allow it.”

I knelt with my mouth open while he looked to the ceiling and pumped hard…forcing himself to find that hook. I could see the start of cum appearing at his tip and I knew he was close – at that moment, he lowered his cock to my mouth and came onto my tongue. I felt the warmth of his cum, and kept it on my tongue while mistress took pictures with her phone. “Ok slave, you may swallow it”, and swallow it down I did. She ordered me to pump his cock and extract any lingering cum from inside.

I actually enjoyed the experience – not because the physical act was necessarily personally enjoyable but rather knowing that mistress enjoyed having two men at her beck and call, and being able to compel her slave to push past 40+ years of sexual conditioning. Mistress has designs for many more such occasions, including a glory hole and bukkake party and I’m so ready to serve her this way.

Saw this on a friend’s Facebook Status, and naturally, I can’t resist:
Here is our concern. 3 years ago…Chinese calendar year of the cow – Mad Cow disease. 2 years ago…Chinese calendar year of the bird – Avian flu. This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig – Swine flu. Next year will be the Year of the Cock – is anybody else wondering about this…???

(Disclaimer for nit-pickers (and I don’t mind nit-pickers if there are lice involved and you have to take care of business): Mad cow was actually a big deal in 2002, and avian flu was a big deal in 2005: the years of the horse and rooster respectively. 2009 is actually the year of the ox; last year was the year of the rat, and 2007 was, in fact, the year of the boar, or pig. And um, ladies — 2010 is actually the year of the tiger . . . so um . . . whoever started this . . . nice try, but the joke’s on us.)

So the decision is in. Or rather, we stumbled across the decision. A small lump sum muscled its way into our bank account unannounced. It was labelled “Deposit Scheme”. And the numbers were wrong. They’d given him half the disputed amount. That’s nearly 500 quid. As far as we can tell, that’s 500 quid for a screw for the oven and some paint.

We rang them, obviously, the deposit people. And they said they “knew nothing”. Of course, why would they? “Ring the agents” they said. And they went back to downloading porn and eating Skips with big clammy fat hands oiled with the hand cream in the toilets paid for my the tax money they are given to do FUCK ALL when asked to adjudicate people’s deposit disputes

It’s no surprise, you know, that the amount is roughly half. They probably think it’s clever. Not enough to piss either person off enough for them to complain. 50:50. That’s fair. Yeah, caus that’s the sort of intelligence we are working with here. The TDS seems to be some sub-species of human intelligence where they think that despite having unarguable documentary proof that we did not owe any money and were due our entire deposit back, a 50:50 arrangement is fair.

It’s not

Because our ex-landlord is a scar along the centre of his head away from being a massive penis. Actually, fuck it, he is still a massive penis, whether he actually resembles one or not (which he sort of does, minus a scar along the centre of his head). HE ignored every rule in the contract and then added some new rules for his own fun. He’s a massive cunt.

But the options, alas, are limited. We are bound by what the half-brains at TDS decided. Of course, there are options…

1 Find the ex-landlord and egg his face. Ok, so we wouldn’t have any money back, but I’d have a massive fucking smile on my face.

2 Complain to the TDS. That would be like asking an X-Factor contestant to quantify there effort in a percentage less than 100%. Pretty fucking pointless.

3 Take them to court. All of them. Well, yes, that would be lovely, but the only winner here would be the lawyers who would be able to buy a nice new merc in which to fuck prostitutes.

4 Cry. And collect the tears to drown the ex-landlord. Tempting, but the saltiness of my tears and proliferation of gusty wind may mean quick evaporation by the time I found him and all I’d have left was some mushy salt crystals. Oh, and men don’t cry innit.

5 Put up with it and get on with my life. Ah the higher ground. So unsatisfying. And not even really higher ground. People are wrong, childish impulsive insults are much more appropriate than a David Mitchell-esque witty comment and a purposeful walk in the opposite direction. Shouting twat and throwing someone the finger is the more adult response. Surely

In the end of course the only thing I am likely to do is live out revenge fantasies on this blog and probably get locked up under some obscure terrorist legislation before being deported to the US of A for some interrogation and jail time. Caus that’s how the world works these days.

The world sucks. And my ex-landlord is the lucky cock it’s sucking.

So A.G. and I talked again last night, for a few hours – and of course in the middle of it he brings up his dick.  Seriously, sometimes I just feel like I should go ahead and accept the treatment I get from men – not say a word in disagreement – primarily because that is all I seem to receive.

Let me say, the only reason I don’t do that is because when I was young, my grandmother would always say “If you got the same problems with everybody, baby doll, it’s cause the problem is with you.”  So instead of just giving up and thinking “Well all men are this way,”  I think “There’s got to be something I’m doing wrong that I can change.”

So I’ve been thinking of what I might be doing.  One thing I do consistently is let me joke with me sexually at any point they deem acceptable.  Many think it’s okay within the first 5 minutes – taking stock of what kind of girl they think I am – what I might do later in the evening.

This is what most men never even consider – making their attempts to get pussy completely invalid and worthless:  Most women are smart enough to know what they’re after.  We know that when they say “We could just hang out,” if it’s after 10pm when that statement is said, we’re not going to “hang out.”  Well… something’s going to hang out, but it aint gonna bring us closer together “as friends (which is another one guys like to use to seem innocent).”  The things men say to make their intentions seem innocuous only hurt them more.  Like saying, “I missed you,” but saying that after he hasn’t attempted to contact her for an extended period of time.

Uhm… you did not miss me at all.

Guys do it all the time, and the saddest part of all of it is this: Guys who get sex from one night stands and the first night of a date are usually douche bag guys who don’t bother to lie – or really great guys who chix have connected with during the outing.  In fact, in my case, the only guy of the 5 (6? 7?  18?) guys I’ve dated in the last year who I had sex with was the douche bag who didn’t bother to lie.

I’ve got an ang-ery inch.  I’m very much like the character Hedwig in a lot of ways – She just wanted to be loved and kept meeting shitty guys who had a deficiency inside themselves – they used her so they would feel okay.  I watched that movie and thought, “If I was a transsexual woman with a wig fetish and a botched sex change experience…”  LOLs

Like with A.G. – He calls and texts out of the blue, so I say “Are you talking to me again because you’re in the mood or something?”  – One of my girlfriends says it frightens men when I say things like, “Are you doing this because you want to bone me?”  So I decided to take the less… offensive route -  and of course he says, “Not at all!  I just miss you a lot.”

When he started talking about his cock 15 minutes later I said, “This is random, where did this come from?” and he says (surprise, surprise….)  “You just get me in the mood.“

…………………………………….Next Up?   Promises

I seem to get a few hits from this porn-type stuff, searches for tags I put on like fuck, sex, manatees and so on. Even my travel blog gets the occasional “Thai girls” search engine hits. So, being close to Xmas and all, I thought I better give something to these poor fat slobby sleazy fucks that are sitting there with four cans of coke poured into a vase, three meat lover’s pizzas, potato chip crumbs in their lap, sitting at the PC in a darkened room searching for “fucking” on WordPress. Here ya go ya fat fucks:

Fuck, lick, slap, suck, kiss, bite, push, hard, soft, sherpas in sheep costumes, fanny, doodle, NURSE (that bit isn’t part of it, that was just me typing out loud in my cell, it’s happy tablet time), where was I? Oh yeah, slide, poke, sweat, dick, lick, slappy mc slap, pull hair, rubber gimp mask, rubber chickens I dunno, what are you people into?

Work with me here. No pun intended.

OK, I’ll give it a bash. There’s this chick, right? She has these boobs and shit, so you’re like, sqeezing that shit, right? And she’s all like “ooohh yeah daddy, give it to me hard” in a stupid fake voice and then does one of those Beverly Hills 90210 girly giggles. You’re like “Hell yeah, bitch” and start going crazy, tearing her clothes off left and right, I mean that shit is flying everywhere. It’s all lacy shit too, HOW FUCKING HOT IS THAT? LACY SHIT! and then you pull out your 27 inch mega-wang and dust off the Oreo crumbs from your stomach and say “OK this is Captain Penetrator calling Naval Base, preparing to dock” and she just goes apeshit, OM NOM NOM NOM. BAM, you’ve slapped her in the face and say “Bad doggy” and she wimpers then cries, then plays a gnarly air guitar, fuck this bitch is mad hot.

So then you’re getting down to business, and you have one leg on her cheek, one leg on the couch (I forgot, there’s a couch, OK?) she has one foot in your ear, and the other on the curtain rail near the window. It’s the maddest sex position in the world, and you just invented it because that’s how fucked up you are, in a fully awesome way. Then after that bit, you’re like “Can we go missionary?” and she’s like “Hell yeah bro, I’m catholic, I LOVE that shit!” BAM, you’re going hard mish style. It’s SO lame that it’s cool. You’re hell cool at fucking. Now you’re like “Yo, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna… o… oh… ooHH… OOOOHHH” and she’s like “Oh YEAH I’m so HORNY” and you’re still doing your “O” face and AAAARRRGGGHH your mum walks in and turns the light on and it’s actually your aunty.

Suck shit you stinky perverts, fuck off somewhere else.

Yes, my birthday!  Not that at my age it is anything particularly special but special enough for me to linger a little longer in bed this morning, teasing my nipples through the satin of my PJ’s and fantasising of what might have been had i been born in a woman’s body.  All quite arousing both phyisically and emotionally but not good for a gurl in chastity!  So, i did not linger too long but got up and shaved, showered and moisturised.  i treated myself to my twice weekly depilation, exfoliation and moisturisation and when i had done, added an extra splash of perfume before slipping into a lovely matching pink lace and mesh bra and thong set which i really love.  It had to be pink today of all days!  What a pity i had to be at work and so had to put on ugly male clothes over the top!  i wore the pink, grey and brown shoes that Mistress Ana brought me from Thailand which was appropriate because as soon as i got to my desk this morning She was online and we were able to chat briefly.  She was very tired and had had to delay Her departure for Thailand because the equipment She was taking proved too big for checked in baggage and had to be sent by courier.  As a result She was only wait-listed on the next flight so i am hoping all went well and that She has arrived safely.

We did discuss Mistress’ ideas for a forthcoming lunch She will throw for D/s friends and associates and She will want myself and Her other slave, Paul to be there to serve in all meanings of the word and She did intimate that it would be a cock and pussy feast!  i know that will mean giving oral service to Mistress and/or Her guests and it is something i have long fantasised about.  i have said before on these pages that being a slave in a situation that is entirely private is fine but there is something special when one’s servitude and devotion to an Owner is demonstrated publicly in this way.  Many would consider it to be humiliating and degrading but in essence it is quite the opposite for it shows strength of character and devotion to another that speaks volumes more than the average expression of devotion in a vanilla relationship.  When the time comes, i shall serve to the best of my ability in whatever manner Mistress requires for i consider myself to be an extension of Her body and will, an instrument for Her pleasure and am proud to be chosen for whatever purpose She considers me suitable.

Mistress and i also have been discussing a new local Chapter of an ClubFEM, an international organisation for Dominant Females and submissive males.  The FEM stands for “Females Enslaving Males.”  They plan to have social gatherings, both vanilla and fetish, and this will be another forum where i shall hope to be able to make public my servitude and position as slave belonging to Mistress Ana.  The Club has a silver pendant and Mistress has asked me to see if i can get a gold version made for Her while i am away,   a task that i shall carry out with pleasure.

TheClubFEM silver pendant

The rest of my day was like any other day at work and with so much going on at the moment as i try to generate business, quite hectic.  i worked into the evening even though it was my birthday.  i had planned on dressing fully “en femme” and venturing to a bar for a drink but it became impossible when my associate decided that he was not going anywhere this evening.  i could have gone out in male mode but saw nothing special in that so decided to just work on and listen to music while i did so, holed up in my room with the door locked where at least i could slip into a dress and wig, be my feminine self and catch up on some useful document preparations.

So what happened with A.G.?  All I know is what follows:

So here i am the next day all excited about the prospect of liking someone who wants more than sex and I text him the next day and hear nothing. I text him the day after and hear nothing. The day after that I finally figure out I’m not going to hear from him.

Yeah, sometimes it takes me a while.  I talk with some girlfriends and tell them what’s going on – they all say to give him a chance.  He’s my type, blah blah blah, he’s attractive and I like him and they can tell – give him a chance.

So I silently give him his chance.  Two days later I get a text message from him that says “I’ve been really sick.”  That’s it.  I feel ignored and… useless.  I also feel like he was angry because we didn’t fuck but now he’s horny and is thinking about how great the kissing was – so I say “I hope you feel better.” and leave it alone.

A week and a few days pass by and yesterday I get a text that says “It’s been a crazy week.”  from a number without a name – turns out it’s his number and as I’ve deleted him from my phone (which rarely happens), I didn’t know it was him.  Slight discussion ensues and we begin chatting again.  He messages me again and I bluntly (though decidedly unwisely) say, “Are you txting me because you are horny?  Really.”

Yes, yes I know that’s not the coy way to play it – but I’m pretty much done with coy and “stupid girl” role right now.  I’m done fucking with these bullshit men who only want to know what it’s like to fuck me – and get butthurt when they realize they won’t ever know how it feels to be inside me.  I’m really done with it.

Not that I don’t want to get fucked – because I do.  I just want to get fucked by the same person repeatedly, for a lengthy amount of time equaling up to months and years.  I want to get fucked by a person who wants to do more than fuck me.  I don’t really believe that’s too much to ask.

So A.G. and I are talking and out of the blue he says “Will I get to see your hot bartender friend again if I come to your birthday party?”

Yeah.

Haven’t talked to me for weeks and the first night we actually chat for any length of time, you ask about a friend of mine.  That’s hot.

Next Up: O Rly? Ya Rly.

Ok I am clearly posting a lot of crap today especially, trying to keep my head unreal and uncomplicated. This has me laughing enough to not need an ab workout even if I had planned on doing one.

I love African girls, guys, people.. which probably adds to why I find this so funny. So stupidly cute haha. How does he even get that oversized hat to sit on his head.

He has others but they are SO bad they don’t come close to being funny.

In The Mix

BADASSES

“Humans are essentially animals that have become too smart for their own good.”

PRO-SEX is the best SEX!

Sex. Who doesn’t want it?

Sex, it’s a strange issue in our society. It’s overtly promoted but if do actually let go and give in to the marketing then we’re branded.

So, I have several issues with sex currently. One of them being that I’m not getting it (joke). But some of these are issues that seem to hinder me at times, because well, I can take the sexiness out of sex.

Let me take the sexiness out of sex, my own way.

You see, I have one further problem when trusting people in my sex life and it centres around the fact that I have a little something called hyper-sensitivity with my epidermis.

Aside from finding someone I like, eventually getting them naked and figuring out what it is we both want I have to do some pre-planning.

Questions:

Is there are fan in the room so I don’t overheat?

Have I tested the lube against my skin for a reaction?

What type of material would any toys be made out of?

Are there clean sheets on the bed?

These questions seem kind of insignificant, but if you’ve ever had to put up with me attempting to tear away the top layer of my skin, you know it can’t be fun.

Heat-rashes, allergic reactions to lube or the material some toys are made out of when used with friction or even just that lack of clean sheets that rub against my body. I suffer for a week at least.

That’s my general problem with sex. I love sex. It’s fun and you burn off calories but in my past experience, one night worth of wild, hot, fun sex does not fit the bill for a week of itchiness and agony (at times).

So there’s my way of taking the sexiness out of sex.

Welcome to the kinky side of the rainbow.

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again: I’m kinky.

Give me whips, chains, clamps and cocks. Rope, stilletos, violence and anger, is what I want.

But it seems that being young counts me out. Ah… Excuse me?!

I always seem to sound mildly up-myself when I say that, ‘I’m mature than most people sexually’ but I find it true.

Pornography (god love the internet and Blowfish.com) has been my best friend since I was 14, of course when I was watching majority of the “for hetero-man porn” I found it boring. Let’s queue it up to my 16th B’day when I decided enough was enough. Coincidently I stumbled upon Blowfish.com and ordered my first real dyke pornography and… He-llo world.

Whoever knew sex could be so damn sexy?! Of course Syd Blakovich (or Shawn depending on what you’re watching) and Jiz Lee are stars in their own right, but my oh my, what’s a dyke to do?

So now, I make no excuse for what I like. I make no regards to my age. I make no regards to anything. Why? Because well, I fucking like it and it gets me off. Isn’t that enough?

“Is it alright if I jump you right here and now?”

I admit it right here. I love butches. Any type at any time. But I also have a love of wobbly bits and natural redheads. So what happens everytime I see one and can recognize then as a dyke? Well, sadly, I don’t ask if I can jump them.

But I was trying to think about what exactly it is about them that I like, and this is what I came up with:

BUTCHES:

I love their hair. Yes, their hair. Not on their heads, not on their face but on their legs. When I can lean back while sitting on top of them and tug at it or run it through my fingers. I love the leg hair.

I love their clothes. There are times when I see a butch (very rarely it happens) and all I want to do is steal their clothes, not for the point of making them naked, I just want their damn clothes. Everything looks that much cooler on a butch.

I love their cocks. Yes I know that femmes can be Sir-Thrust-A-Lots too but a butch with a cock? Who the hell could resist?! It’s even better when they’re packing.

I love their chivalry. Open the door for me? Aww, you’re so kind! Just letting your hand rest on my lower back as you guide me through the crowd? I think I’m about too swoon. The best to get into my pants, be chivalrous.

I love their hands. Have you ever actually looked at a butches hands? You know, just sit there absentmindedly playing with them? I have, and for some reason they’re the perfect relinquishment of feminity. The way that unlike my hands the nails aren’t perfectly rounded and polished, they aren’t quite as soft or the grasp is just a little bit bigger than my own*. Perhaps the fact that they’re also touching me with those hands make them a bit sexier?

What else do I love about butches? Everything else. The strut, the way their eyes can lock onto a femme instantly and the way you get the gist of what they’re thinking when they’re just looking at you, all over.

I’m probably generalising, but well, it’s too early in the day. I swear.

*I’m putting this as a side note, so if you have no idea what the asterix is doing, just ignore this. But for the record, I have tiny hands so the fact that majority of people have bigger hands than me is kind of necessary.

WOBBLY BITS AND REDHEAD FEMMES:

It’s feminine. My preference for this probably comes from the fact that I am a bony little runt. Curves? I’d love them!

The wobbly bits are my absolute favourite thing about some girls, the way their just give this unimaginable figure of a woman. I can wrap my arms around them, sometimes even grab some in my hands and I can just feel the beauty. It’s the way it makes me wonder what she looks like underneath, the way my hands tingle when I imagine cupping their waist. It’s just the feel of them underneath my hands. It’s so feminine.

Now, redheads. God forbid I ever find out how I got this fascination but I have it. Show me a redhead and I’ll show you a salivating dyke in an instant. There isn’t much I can say besides the fact: they’re just hot.

Now, I know I didn’t praise as much with the femmes as I did with butches but that’s because I’ve only ever dated a butch before, never a femme, but my sincerest apologies.

So that’s my sex view today. Maybe not as ambitious as I would have liked it but I’m tired and have a mountain load of work to do today.

And remember, PRO-SEX is the best SEX!

- Cal.