“Cockroach Controlled Mobile Robot” is an experimental robotic system that translates the bodily movements of a living, organic insect into the physical locomotion of a three-wheeled robot. Distance sensors at the front of the robot also provide navigation feedback to the cockroach, striving to create a pseudo-intelligent system with the cockroach as the CPU. This project is motivated by three key concepts: 1. Biomimetics, 2. The Cyborg, and 3. The Computational/Biological.

1. Biomimetics is an approach to technological development that looks toward living, organic systems as a source of technical inspiration. Specifically within the field of robotics, cockroaches are admired and used as models for navigation logic and the physical construction of mobile robotic systems. Instead of using a model of an insect, “Cockroach Controlled Mobile Robot” inverts biomimetics by using the real thing.
2. The Cyborg: Popular culture appears to have a recurring interest in the human-machine and animal-machine hybrid. This project strives to construct a literal cybernetic organism that plays into and off of cultural and scientific visions of synthetic and organic hybridity. Despite the somewhat popular “cyborg” Science Fiction concept, few hybrid robots like this have been built.
3. Thirdly, the Computational and Biological. This project, in essence, is a robotic system in which a computer-based microcontroller is replaced with a biologically-based insect. In the process, the operating machine highlights key characteristics of being biological. The robot and insect display attributes like unpredictability, laziness, irrationality and emotional response.

These three motivations are embodied in the mobile robot system, a platform that makes the intentions of the insect legible to a wide and diverse audience. Although technically and conceptually complex, the system is easily understood by young and old with little or no explanation. Individuals tend to watch the robot for extended periods of time, empathizing with the insect, and trying to discern whether or not the organism is controlling or being controlled by the technology… and whether it is aware of, immersed in, or pleased by its synthetic and mediated environment.

[via Garnet Hertz (2008)]

As a pest control/management company we are often asked a lot of questions and rightly so that is our business. I will admit, if you bring in a specimen try not to smoosh it to much. It really is difficult to identify a bug that was 1/4 inch and is now 1 inch – anyway the questions.

1. We have tried everything and still have scorpions what can we do?
2. If my neighbor in the apartment next to me has roaches or bed bugs will I get them?
3. My other bug company can’t seem to get rid of the bugs – what do you do different?
4. Why do we often notice dirt like castles or dirt on wood fences, why are termites more active in October?
5. I’m buying a house and everybody including HUD/FHA say I don’t have to have a termite inspection, do I need one?

Thse are all tough questions and some longer than others but I’ll try to answer them all. First off – you can always call the office 480-831-9328 and we will answer any question we can FREE – no nonsense and to the point. So let’s tackle these:

1. Scorpions are difficult to control but not impossible. The most important is to seal/caulk your home, start at one point and caulk everything facia boards, lights and seal any holes with copper wool and caulking and don’t forget inside fans, lights etc. Less entry points = less scorpions getting in. Bark scorpions can climb straight up the stucco to the attic so pay close attention to any small cracks or crevices. The block fence wall around your home is an ideal spot for all kinds of insects and scorpions hide during the day and come out at night. The block walls retain the heat well into the evening hours so you can go hunting at night with a blacklight and catch scorpions – reduce the numbers. As always ProBest can do this for you – just call 480-831-9328.
2. Well the bad news if you live in an apartment or condo or attached home it is possible for insects to travel and I think the number 1 way for roaches is pipes since they really connect to everyone. So seal off those pipe entrances in the back of the kitchen and bathrooms. Before I forget don’t bomb, when you use those aerosol devices it just drives the bugs deeper in! Bed bugs travel as well but not by pipes, they are so small they can enter under walls or hitch rides in backpacks, clothing and used furniture.
3. WE listen to your complaint and come up with a plan, we also have a specific way of doing pest control. Today unlike many years ago, it is not necessary to put pesticides in your home each month. Most work can be accomplished from the exterior, if or when you have a problem inside just bring it to our attention when we call and we will be happy to assist.
4. We have a few different termites here in the Arizona Desert, the ones you are noticing are called grass eaters and typically will scar over wood fences, sometimes they will eat the drywall paper and sometimes try to eat the dead bark from trees or cactus. Usually we don’t worry to much about these and thatwis why we protect your home and not everything in your yard.
5. I really don’t understand Hud/FHA at all on this one, their comment was that if you lived in an area that wasn’t highly prone to termites you could decide not to get the inspection. The bell map clearly shows Arizona in a High to Moderate zone – DON’T TAKE THE CHANCE, get an inspection

aliens,human,ufos,and dogs
morning! haha:D
afternoon liao la.
I’m still feeling unwell before the trip and after:D
Anw, HI! I’M BACK FROM TAIWAN!
hehe, went to XuePing in Taiwan
then bought gifts:D
but mostly all is different things:D
I came home about twelve midnight then was very tired..
So i didnt bathe and went to sleep, when i woke up i was shivering!
then i ate panadol and when to sleep with like 2 pyjamas
And i didnt on the aircon.. THEN a cockroach FLEW IN! FFFFFFF!!!!
I was like shouting in the middle of the night haha:D
so i went to sleep with my sister
STUPID COCKROACH RUIN THE WHOLE NIGHT!! >< !!
ARGH
hee nvm!
Taiwan trip was okay only
cos i went there before already:D
i liked the 温泉！
the hottest i can take is only 39-40 degrees:D
If i had went in to the 43 one, i think i’ll be shou already D:
hehe, korea and japan one nicer
After that, we spent 2 days in ximending:D
Overall it was okay:D
BUT I HATE 臭豆腐！！！
the smell is like OMG o.o
hehe.
then damn funny, the police came and all the 小摊(illegal ones)
started to run!
haha! then i ask one of them, 警察来了你们跑去哪里躲？
“有地方躲就先躲咯”
哈哈，然后我选到了就要减价，她就说：“你快点卖啦！我在用我的生命在跑警察，不能再便宜了啦!”
haha, so i bought it
Anything lor, walao, 用生命，我当然会买啦。。。
Taiwan photos are not ready yet D:
bu guo, mmi photos are done i think
Ta men quan bu zai xia mian!

MILLIONAIRE MIND INTENSIVE 2009 (MMI09) ^^
me me me and more me

hello HEHE!! 
MMI was FUN!!! and SUPER
YAY, but bad things happened too D:
Scolded by customers and xuan was even beaten D:
WALAO. We still have Zun Yan one okay,
Pictures!!

DAY 1
 We were all eating
THEN WORK!
and lunch we started taking pictures!
 After lunch  

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a happy family
Happy Family

One day when cheryl was hungry,  
I was feeding Zhafri and haha. Then we bought STARBUCKS which cheryl wants it but we are not giving her.

Cheryl was real mad! and she WANTED REVENGE! so Cheryl took my waterbottle away and scolded me D:

我以后不敢了! i told her , and everything was settled then viviany suddenly said huh?

 Out of the sudden!
ZHafri wanted to eat me!!! but i ate him back
So we are settled

WE were back as a happy family again
HAHA:D THE END!
 idk what were we doing
Zhafri was like UH?, and i was so xin fu looking and cheryl was trying to rape me
haha

Me:幸福 Cheryl : 想要强奸我                                                        Cheryl :幸福    Me: 不屑 (我再帮小鬼黄鸿升打他的专辑哦！)
Sweet  

Can you see viviany haha a guy was looking at her and felt frustrated while i was taking photo

DAY 2
I met Yun Xuan at the mrt then we went together
I bought a bread
 
BUT I CANT EAT ON THE TRAIN!!!

At the platform

EMO!!!
FINALLY I GOT OFF THE TRAIN!

HEHE.
DAY THREE(LAST DAY!)

I made a Wong Yon Ling Song ( yon yon song for short )
 hehe.
Just scroll over the picture to see descriptions
i got a nice face painting by Denise Warner hehe.

then was bored , so i took xuan’s camera and asked justina to smile and she …  

…….
Then i just zi lian lor, haha.

And cheryl was getting bored too so she took my photos haha.
I was trying to open my jelly but i cant!!
Attempt 1:
 

Attempt 2 : No choice had to bite.                Wynn and me
 

 尼可乐思
then we took photos with the other crews  




BYE BYE!!
 

 
HERE COMES THE (HIGHLY ANTICIPATED) EATING ALBUM!!! HAHA.
吃饭特写
 

Cheryl                                                                        Yon

Wynn

Dewey

Zhafri                                                                         Wen Xian

Everyone
 

BYE!!~~~~ 

In spite of finding myself being rather busy with school and work i took on a little side project a few months back for a motion picture being made by a former classmate. I will be responsible for modeling, texturing, rigging, and animating a cockroach that i have named “Skippy” Skippy the cockroach. Skippy has to die unfortunately but on the bright side his various incarnations show up throughout the film. I would also like to point out that my reason for being pretty vague about the story is because i don’t want get sued not that i’ve signed a contract or anything i just want to pretend if only for a moment…

The sculpting process is more or less done with the exception of a few piece like the antenna’s and weird anal feeler thingy’s that creep me the hell out. Next i’ll have to retopologize the zbrush mesh with my new favourite program Topogun! did i mention that i love it? Hell i even bought it with legal tender no less!

Leave a comment, Skippy loves comments

In a revelation that is bound to send shockwaves through Bollywood fandom, doctors in Mumbai have admitted that the real Salman Khan is trapped inside a thick layer of hardened muscle.  The information was found in a classified document, which had mysteriously found its way to a Chennai peanut vendor. 

Ram Kanakasabapathy and his friend, Visesh Rao, made the stunning discovery yesterday during a visit to their avicha-vaerkkadalai ^[1]  vendor in Saidapet.  ‘I thought the Times of India celebrity supplement and Sun News were the only sources of authentic information.  I never knew that my peanut man had them beat for quality news coverage,’ said Ram. 

‘First of all, I would love to send a shout out to my homies, Rickster and G’Nesh.  Salman is da bomb and I luv Salman.  He is way more talented than that over-rated prick Shah Rukh.  There is only one Khan, and that is Salman’, Visesh rhymed in an unexpected, but oddly endearing moment of candour. 

 ’We are here every evening, but this was actually the first time I had paid attention to the print on the package,” continued Sesh, as he likes to be called.  ‘Ram and I were standing here tweeting each other on how difficult it must be for Deepika to have to act with her ex’s best friend’s cousin in her next movie.  That’s when I saw the name SALMAN KHAN on the sheet in my hand.  OH MY GOD!’  As luck would have it, Ram and Sesh had the first two sheets and for an additional Rs. 1000 worth of peanuts, they secured the rest of the explosive report.

The rest, as they say, is His story.  The friends then got on Facebook and one of their friends alerted this reporter, who was able to get a first-hand look at the report.  It appears that the discovery was made during what seemed like a routine visit by the doctor.  Salman had complained of an itch under his scalp that he couldn’t quite scratch.  Although everyone experiences this sort of a thing occasionally and for short durations, Salman’s itch had not gone away for a month.  While attempting to inject the Khan with anti-histamines, the doctors broke seventeen needles, at which point they realised that something was seriously wrong and a different approach was required.

Salman Khan in happier times, flashing some bling.

X-rays taken at the Tata Memorial Hospital revealed a one-inch-thick layer of unknown material covering Salman’s body.  The layer was particularly thick around the skull, chest and upper arms. 

 ’It is fair to say that the medical community, not just in India, but worldwide, has not seen anything like this before’, said Dr. Atul Apte, a renowned neurosurgeon at the hospital.  ’We have repeated the tests and yes, these results are real.  At this time, we are getting the opinions of our colleagues in the West, but it will be a while before we can come to any conclusions’.

The leading hypothesis is that Salman, in addition to the usual skeleton humans possess, has for some reason, started growing an exoskeleton.  Exoskeletons are normally found in the insect kingdom — the cockroach is a good example.  ‘While this hypothesis could explain what we see, it really doesn’t explain the why part of it at all,’ added a visibly agitated Dr. Apte.  ’The high-steroid, high-fibre diet Salman has been on for the last several years is suspected of causing heart failure, liver damage and regularity in bowel movements, but is not known to cause this type of side effect.  We are still working hard on this, and hope to come up with some testable explanations soon.  But, realistically, we are probably a decade away from understanding this issue’, he opined, eerily reminding us of the last paragraph.

Dr. R. S. Srinivasan, a prominent dermatologist in Chennai, had this to say: ‘This is terrible for Salman, but if you are a lover of science, (and frankly, who isn’t?) this is what you dream of.  In the 80s and 90s, we had the AIDS epidemic, which created a huge buzz and captured the imagination of the entire world.  But, this one is something else altogether.  It is almost straight out of a bad science-fiction movie — Superhero develops exoskeleton after being bitten by a cockroach. 

‘Unfortunately, a real-life exoskeleton throws up a host of dermatological, not to mention existential, issues.  In a sense, I feel cheated.  I took up dermatology mainly because I didn’t like the inside.  Who are we kidding?  It is gooey and gross.  But, with Salman, the outside has gone inside and something else’s outside has become his outside.  Rama! Rama!^[2].  Our sages said it right.  Ellam maayam^[3].  Is he supposed to go to an entomologist now or what?’

What is the cure for this ailment?  ’It is premature to talk of a cure when we don’t even know what the problem is.  However, if the exoskeleton idea is right, there is a chance that Salman will moult and lose the exoskeleton after some time.  But then, he might also regrow one right away and we need to have a plan to prevent that.  He might also want to eat the proteinaceous exoskeleton once he comes out,’ Dr. Apte’s voice trailed off into the breeze.

 ’I am now worried about the epidemic angle to this.  Salman was the pioneer of the buff revolution that has since swept Bollywood.  A lot of our youngsters have followed in his footsteps.  If this problem has anything to do with this new lifestyle, we will have a full-fledged swine-flu situation on our hands’.

To obtain an alternative medicine viewpoint on this story, this reporter spoke to Sadhu Sundaracharya of Kedarnath.  ‘I rarely agree with Madrasis or doctors but I do like what that Madrasi doctor said.  Yeh sab maya hi hai^[4].’

‘ What is inside?  What is outside?  What is in?  What is out?  What is side?  Where are we standing when we ask the question?  Are we inside?  Are we outside?  If you are inside, the inside is the inside and the outside is the outside.  If you are outside, the outside is the inside and the inside is the outside, nah?,’ the Acharya queried in response to this reporter’s question on whether he can come inside, causing him to seriously reconsider greeting the Godman with a ‘What’s up?’ 

‘I recommend that Salman spend a few months at my Ashram.  I can guarantee that he will be a new person when he emerges,’ Sadhu Sundaracharya beamed between tokes of his food-less diet.

1. boiled peanuts; fantastic Chennai street-food, no kidding.
2. One of 330 million Gods! One of 330 million Gods!
3. It’s all an illuzhaan, baby!
4. It’s all an illusun, indeed!

I just got two Madagascar Hissing Cockroachs for my live show and boy are they weird and creepy! Here’s what Wikipedia says:

The Madagascar hissing cockroach (Gromphadorhina portentosa), also known as the hissing roach or simply hisser, is one of the largest species of cockroach, reaching 2–3 inches at maturity. They are from the island of Madagascar off the African coast, where they can be found in rotting logs.

Unlike most cockroaches, they are wingless. They are excellent climbers and can scale smooth glass. Males can be distinguished from females by their thicker, hairier antennae and the pronounced “horns” on the pronotum. Females carry the ootheca (egg case) internally, and release the young nymphs only after the eggs have hatched. As in some other wood roaches, the parents and offspring will commonly remain in close physical contact for extended periods of time. In captivity, these insects can live 5 years. They feed primarily on vegetable material.

The Madagascar cockroach has become a popular pet because of its hissing sound, large size, and appearance. Their nickname, “hissing cockroach”, is due to their ability to force gas through the breathing pores (spiracles) found on their abdomen. The Madagascar hissing cockroach is believed to be the only non-human that can growl in this exact manner,^[1] as most insects that make a “hissing” sound do so by rubbing together various body parts. (Some long-horned beetles, e.g., the Giant Fijian long-horned beetle, can squeeze air out from under their elytra, but this does not involve the spiracles). This hiss takes two forms: the disturbance hiss and the fighting hiss. All cockroaches from the fourth instar (fourth molting cycle) and older are capable of the disturbance hiss. Only males use the fighting hiss; they use it when challenged by other males. This results in one of the males backing down and the fight being over. Males hiss more often than females.

I’ll be doing a video episode on these freaky creatures soon – stay tuned for that. Check out my web site for other videos – www.enzoology.com.

-Enzo

After my last insect-related post, it seems that I’m suffering from a healthy dose of Cockroach Karma. We had four of the spiny-legged creatures tootling about the house last night – one of which was making himself quite at home in the bathroom basin. That’ll learn me for subjecting them to such slow and painful deaths. Might have to re-start the Buddhist Rescue Plan…

Some strange things have been happening in my apartment lately. For one thing, my bathroom light has been playing up. Every time I try and put the light on, it goes on for a brief second and then goes off again. When I put the extractor fan on, the light mysteriously comes on for another brief second and then it goes off again. The other thing that I have noticed, especially in the kitchen, are things that I can see darting or scurrying away from out of the corner of my eye. Upon further investigation I don’t seem to find anything. Now I’m not for one moment suggesting that I have poltergeists, ghosts or anything else that might be classified as paranormal activity in my apartment. Although, sometimes when I hear those blood curdling cries from my neighbours below I begin to wonder. But these things are strange all the same.

Having project managed the building of my own home; I have a little experience in doing some home maintenance or repairs. So it would seem that my bathroom light must be a loose connection and can’t possibly be a fused bulb, otherwise it wouldn’t come on. As for the darting and scurrying that I’m seeing out of the corner of my eye, well that must certainly be cockroaches. Under normal circumstances I would try and do the repairs myself, but when it comes to electricity, I will rather let the experts do the job. The cockroach infestation is another thing. When it comes to buying insect repellant or poison in Korea I am a bit hesitant. Everything is quite potent. They upgraded our English room earlier this year and we are still getting headaches from the paint and glue fumes. I suppose that would also explain some of the bizarre behavior that goes on in the classroom. I don’t want to go and buy some cockroach spray or poison and find that after spraying it in my apartment, about a week later I start to grow a third nipple or something. Looks like I will have to get the opinion and help of my co-teacher again.

I explained the problems to my co-teacher and asked if she would contact the landlord and let him know about the issues in my apartment. The issues of the bathroom light and cockroaches, not the poltergeists, in case you were wondering. My co-teacher seems to always start to give her advice with a question, “You know what you should do?” I’m not sure why she does this, as clearly I would not ask her if I did know what to do! She suggested that I catch one of the cockroaches, tie them up, torture it and then let it go. This way the cockroach will then go and tell all the other cockroaches and then they will leave my apartment. I smiled politely. I felt like going home and catching a few cockroaches and putting them in her handbag and watch from a distance as the fun begins. She started with her rhetorical questions again; “Do you know what cockroaches are afraid of?” Then went into ‘charades mode’ and started making the motion as if she was brushing her teeth. I must have had a momentary lapse of sanity because I answered, “Teeth!” Well, I thought it would be a logical answer because why would they be afraid of people brushing their teeth? It turns out cockroaches, well at least Korean cockroaches, are afraid of tooth paste. The advice was to put some toothpaste into a spray bottle with water and spray the cockroaches. This apparently kills them. This makes me wonder what the hell is in the Korean toothpaste!  We agreed to leave all the issues up to the expert and decided to call the landlord.

When I arrived home that evening the landlord was already waiting for me at my apartment. I showed him the ‘haunted’ light switch in the bathroom. I also pointed out all the dead cockroach bodies as evidence of a cockroach infestation. He immediately went into the bathroom and started working on the light. No holy water or exorcism was needed to fix the light, just a new light bulb. My ego and reputation as a handyman had taken a serious knock. So much for the loose wire theory. He then proceeded to explain that the cockroaches were coming from the restaurant that was two floors below my apartment. Obviously they were tired of restaurant food and wanted a home cooked meal. I can’t think of any other reason why they would want to climb two floors for food when they are living in a restaurant, especially in this cold weather. I showed him the cockroach traps that I was using and that were clearly not working. In fact I think the cockroaches were using them as their holiday homes. The landlord proceeded to walk around the apartment and place these bait traps in ‘strategic places’. Very strategic, so much so that I hope I don’t get up during the night and accidently stand on one. Apparently, I have to check the traps regularly and apply more bait when the cockroaches have eaten all the bait.

I got up during the night and went to the kitchen for some water. There perched on the roof was this huge cockroach. It didn’t even move when I approached it. Now I’m not sure if they had already eaten the bait or whether they were just eyeing out the bait. Even though it is fake food, I was assured that the cockroaches would find it delicious. Maybe the cockroach was doing a Homer Simpson number. You know the one. He sees delicious food and then his arms fall at his side, his head tilts back, drool starts to pour out the side of his mouth and all he can muster is, “aaaarrgghhh!” Now I’m not sure how this bait works. For all I know they could eat the bait and then explode. So I was not about to kill this one. I would rather wait and see what happens. I have great expectations of this bait and have now declared war on the cockroaches. I still have to decide how I’m going to record my “kills” though. Maybe I will just carve a notch on the side of my fridge for every kill I get? I will keep you posted.

Yeah really long time since I’ve last wrote here. I think anyway. I mean i got my aunts old laptop and its as slow as shit so I’m getting a new one and keeping that one for the sims, but anyway the laptop is so slow i kinda DREAD going on it so i haven’t blogged for fizzing ages. Tbh i don’t have anything to write about now. Oh I’m going to London on Sunday to see a tennis match and guess who we’re seeing?? Only bloody RFed! Lol Roger Federer that is btw. I mean I’m not a big tennis fan but i like it and shit. But seeing Roger is going to be FREAKING AMAZING I MEAN BLOODY HELL! I am gonna take a LOOOAAADDDD of pictures. Lolage. Gawd there is something on the wall (bug of some kind) that is annoying me. I hope its not a cockroach cause then it might be Rita Skeeta!! Gawd I’m such a HP nerd! Anyways byyyeeee ily x

THE ANT

A FABLE… OR MAY BE NOT…

Every day, a small ant arrives  at work very early and starts work immediately.

She produces  a lot and she was happy.

The Chief, a lion,

was surprised  to see that the ant was working without supervision.

He thought if the ant can produce so  much without supervision, wouldn’t she produce even more if she had a supervisor!

So he recruited a cockroach

who had extensive experience as supervisor and who was  famous for writing  excellent reports.

The cockroach’s first decision was to set up a  clocking in attendance system.

He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and …

… he  recruited a spider, who managed the archives and monitored all phone calls.

The lion was delighted with the cockroach’s reports

and asked him to produce graphs  to describe production rates and to analyse  trends, so that he could use them for presentations at

Board‘s meetings.

So the cockroach had to buy a new computer and a  laser printer and  …

… recruited a fly

to manage the IT department.

The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork  and meetings which used up most of her time…!

The lion came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ant worked.

The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office.

The new person in charge, the cicada, also needed a computer and a personal assistant ,who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimisation Plan…

The Department where the ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore  and everybody has become upset…

It was at that time that the cicada convinced the boss , the lion, of the absolute necessity  to start a climatic study of the environment .

Having reviewed  the  charges  for running the ant’s department , the lion  found out that  the production   was much less than  before.

So he recruited the owl , a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an  audit and  suggest solutions.

The owl spent three months  in the department and came up with an enormous report , in several volumes,

that concluded :

“ The department is overstaffed …”

Guess who the lion fires first?

The ant , of course,  because she

“showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude”.

]]> http://canucknews.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/dont-eat-here/ Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:48:33 +0000 beerdude http://canucknews.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/dont-eat-here/

Chandra’s Takeout Restaurant and Catering
201 Markham Rd., Scarborough, Ontario.

Heavy cockroach infestation. The place has already been fined $20,000 for health violations. How badly do you want that samosa?

There are plenty of cockroaches here in Uganda. At night when I go to the jacks, I open the door and shine the torch in. I catch a glimpse of a few black things scuttling away into the dark corners. But I’m relaxed as I take my slash as they don’t attack humans… OR SO I THOUGHT!!!!

A loud scuttly buzzing sound wakes me up in the middle of the night. It’s pitch black and I can’t see a thing. I listen to the buzzing scratching sound to try to pinpoint where it is and calculate it’s size and species, daredevil style. I can’t tell if it’s inside or outside my mosquito net, but it’s definitely close. It sounds too heavy to be a mosquito so I’m not too worried about malaria. Maybe it’s a moth in distress or something. It has probably caught it’s leg or wing in the net somehow. I don’t mind moths, so I try and go back to sleep. After a few minutes the buzzing and scuttling seems to be getting closer. I’m having a hard time trying to get some sleep, so I think about maybe getting up and grabbing a container of some sort to trap it and throw it out. It’s also starting to freak me out a bit because it no longer sounds like a moth. I can hear a hard shell and scuttly legs. So I’m lying there when suddenly a horrible heavy hard leggy wingy thing lands on my temple just by my ear and I JUMP LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER OUT OF THE BED, scrambling through the mosquito net as if I was trapped in a cobweb. I’m rubbing my hands all over my head trying to get the thing off but there doesn’t seem to be anything there. I turn on the light, and I can still hear the scuttling and buzzing. The fecker is there beside my pillow… moving around… a big dirty cockroach. I grab a little lunchbox and move stealthily towards my bed, begging the filthy cockroach not to go hiding under my blankets or down the back of my bed… he seems to be relaxing a bit, he’s just scuttling his legs around.

BAM! I cover him with the lunchbox and I can see him jumping and flying around inside. I slip a piece of paper underneath and place him on the floor and just watch the horrible thing being a big dirty cockroach in my lunchbox. I check my phone, it’s like 3am. The doors in the house are solid metal and they make an awful clatter when they open, I don’t want to wake everybody while throwing the roach out, so I decide to leave him at the other side of the room until morning.

I walk back towards bed and look at my bag on the floor. It’s wide open, exposed to the elements, exposed to the cockroaches. I don’t know if I was hallucinating out of tiredness or what, but I was sure I could hear more scuttling in my bag… I got back into bed, hoping that I was only hearing things, but at the same time making a personal note to smash every pocket and sock with a thick book before putting them on in future. I tuck the mosquito net into the sides of my bed and then check around with a torch for any stowaways. All clear. I head to sleep to the sound of scuttling. Hopefully that’s just the guy in the lunchbox.

I have never been a soldier except in my childhood games.
I have never pushed my physical endurance to the edge.
Only theorized about the forces of good and evil,
    never confronted them face to face.
Never looked death in the eye
    to determine whether I would blink.
Never had to ask myself whether I could pull the trigger,
    to take a life.

Never had to test my metal in the face of the enemy.
Decide whether I could lay my body upon a grenade
    so others might live,
discover whether I could subordinate myself to the good of all.

    - after having endured all this,
    - killed for the greater good,
    - saw friends expire in my arms,
    - watched my duty commingle with evil
        and worry whether I could tell the difference….

I was never left to wonder,
about the essence of my being,
and whether it all made any sense.

These things were never in my childhood imagination.
Battles were always won.

I never came home to a sleepless night.
Never dreamed myself in a cockroach infested
    VA Hospital.
Never walked the streets
    looking for a quarter for a cup of coffee.
Never envisioned a marriage
    that would not survive the nightmares.
Never in my synapses
    felt the presence of an arm that was not there.
Never felt ostracized by those
    who lived back home in comfort and safety
    when all I did was perform my duty
as well as any common man when put to the test.

Humbled now by those who lived these things.
In awe of what they have endured.
I salute their valor –

ashamed that all I have, are the war games of my mind.

Ray Brown

Cockroaches: the inheritors of the Earth.
AKA the most revolting creatures to exist.

Baby Roach (Photo Courtesy of Wikipedia)

Just the thought of a cockroach makes me shudder. So imagine my shock and disgust as I walk up the stairs from the Red Line platform to the Green Line at Park Street Station and notice something moving right by my foot.

Luckily, this time, I escaped the nasty sucker unscathed with a quick sidestep.

However, at Quincy Adams a couple weeks later, Lady Luck was not on my side.

Usually, like any other T commuter, I mind my own business and have my iPod going. Add in noise-canceling headphones and I’m golden: nothing can get me now

Unless, something, or rather someone, is physically touching me. Then I notice, because that crosses the line of basic T etiquette.

So I’m standing right along the yellow line, waiting for the train and looking around at the same billboards for old people health insurance and Eastern Nazarene College. I feel someone bumping into me and I’m just confused because it’s not that crowded, even if it is about time for morning rush hour.

And what  do I seen when I turn? A middle-aged guy swatting at my foot with his three-ring binder. What?!

I pull out one of my earbuds and just stare at him, wondering what this guy’s problem is, probably giving him the disgusted “Ugh” look reserved for those with the audacity to bother me on my commute.

“There’s a wasp on your foot.”

Ohmygod. I scurry away, but don’t see the wasp. Instead, crawling right by where my foot was, I see a cockroach. Sure, it wasn’t a full-sized one, but a cockroach is a cockroach and that thing was crawling on my foot?! OHMYGOD!

So the guy with the binder now goes from creepy weirdo to my savior as he stomps on the cockroach– a few times, for good measure. And now the world is burdened with one less cockroach. And I…well, I’m paranoid outta my mind about them now.

nsf.gov – National Science Foundation (NSF) Discoveries – With Help from a Bacterium, Cockroaches Develop Way to Store Excess Uric Acid – US National Science Foundation (NSF).

Posted by Jim:  Here’s a neat study showing a clever way by which one clever, but nasty, insect has worked its way around a problem that many animals have: how to storage excesses of nutrients that later might be limiting.  Cockroaches got some gut bacteria to do it for them.  This is a new wrinkle on “stoichiometric homeostasis” and another reminder that when you have an insect (or any other animal) in your hand, you’ve actually got many many species and many many many individual organisms in your hand.  Because you can’t forget the symbionts and commensals!

Wonder if this also happens for P?

Parents-Teachers Conference.

Heute war mein allererster Elternsprechtag, an dem ich NICHT Schüler war, haha. Nicht die Schüler, sondern die Eltern sind heute in die Schule gekommen. Schon früh morgens um 8 gings los. Ich sitz (a bissi nervös, lol) in meiner Klasse, zwei Stühle vor mir aufgestellt, bereit für die Eltern und überlege mir, was ich zu jedem Kind so sagen kann. Ich seh die ersten Eltern auf meinen Klassenraum zukommen, ich rutsch auf meinen Stuhl hin und her, sende ein kurzes Stoßgebet zum Himmel und räuspere: Good morning, how are you? Und dann der übliche smalltalk. Ich lobe und preise das Kind (weil ja auch wirklich alles Gute zutrifft) und die Eltern sind zufrieden, schnappen sich das Zeugnis, grinsen freundlich und das wars. Toll! Hab mich wie ein richtiger Lehrer gefühlt =)

Die meistern Eltern meiner Kinder haben mir angeboten: Miss Dinah, if there’s anything you need, please just let us know. We will support you. Toll, die Eltern sind echt alle ultra nett und sie haben mir so oft von Herzen danke gesagt, für den Job, den ich da mache, dass ich ihre Kinder unterrichte und fördere.

Zwei Sachen waren witzig: Die Mum von einer meiner girls hat gesagt dass sie mich gegoogelt hat und dabei auf meinen Blog gestoßen ist. Sie meinte, sie habe sich mit größter Freude alle meine Bilder angeschaut , auch wenn sie kein einziges deutsches Wort lesen konnte. Und dann meint sie so: Ja sie hat den Link an ihre Mutter (die granny von meiner Schülerin) nach Hawaii geschickt, damit die sich auch immer wieder Bilder von ihrer Enkelin online auf meinem blog anschauen kann. Haha, schon witzig, hat mich voll gefreut!
Und die zweite sehr erfreuliche Sache: Mein Schüler Ksau, der mit den Millionären als Eltern … (es gibt hier soo viele Kinder die wahnsinnig reiche Eltern haben! Entweder besitzen die nen Dive shop, ein Einkaufsgeschäft in das die halbe Insel einkaufen geht, arbeiten im Government, als rechte Hand des Präsidenten oder der Dad ist Senator oder ein reicher Japaner, viele besitzen Boote hier in Palau, Jet- Skiers, sind hohe Hotelmanager oder gleich die Kinder vom Chief von einer Insel in Palau).

Jaja, so geht das hier. Uhm und ja die Eltern von Ksau haben mich voll gelobt, für die Arbeit die ich mache. Sie meinten, ihr Sohn sei so anders als letztes Jahr. Viel offener zu seinen Eltern, redet mehr mit ihnen, lacht viel mehr, ist fröhlicher und lebenslustiger. Hat echt wunderbar gut getan, all dieses Lob von den Eltern zu hören. Die meisten Eltern haben gemeint: Mein Kind hat am Anfang viel adjustment gebraucht, um sich an mich zu gewöhnen, weil last year’s teacher sehr lax, lay back und halt eben überhaupt nicht streng war. Und dann kommt die Dinahvera aus Austria und diszipliniert die Kiddis, lol.

Eine Mum hat mir gesagt, dass ihre Tochter in den ersten paar Wochen gesagt hat, Miss Dinah ist so streng und hat so strenge Regeln, Mama, kannst du nicht mal mit ihr reden? Haha.. aber jetzt sagt sie, dass sie die Schule liebt. Und ja, ich kanns bestätigen, wir haben jeden Tag sooo viel Spaß zusammen. Sie wissen, wann wir fun haben können, aber was wichtig ist, sie wissen auch, wann classroom time ist und wann lernen und aufpassen angesagt ist.
Eine andere Mum (somehow mostly the mums showed up haha) hat gemeint, dass „sie“ (andere Eltern, die mich und die Klasse beobachten (gruuuuselig)) finden, dass die 3A die wohl am besten disziplinierte Klasse ist und egal, was passiert, dass ich so weiter machen sollte. Wie gesagt, das hat echt gut getan, ich bin froh, dass der Elternsprechtag so gut gelaufen ist (ois in Inglisch, män).
Nicht zuletzt geht aber das größte Lob an GOTT, der mich so gesegnet hat mit meinen Kindern und der Arbeit hier. Ich bin GOTT so dankbar!!!! Denn es könnte auch anders laufen.

Oh ja, noch was. One of my girls is kinda struggling with palauan spelling. And I talked to her dad about it and he just smiled at me and he told me (jetz wieder in deutsch) dass Palauan, die Sprache, keine vorgegebene, offizielle Rechtschreibung hat. Die Wörter werden von Person zu Person unterschiedlich buchstabiert. Und vor Jahren hat der Mr. President mal so high officials zusammen kommen lassen um endlich eine Rechtschreibreform durchzuführen. Die haben dann ein Wörterbuch mit der offiziellen Rechtschreibung rausgebracht. Aber die Islander mochten das gar nicht, hat nicht funktioniert, keiner haltet sich dran und drum buchstabiert jeder, wie er will Drum die Frage- wie benotet man dann einen palauan spelling quiz??? Haha!

Ich bin froh, dass wochenende ist. Bin mal wieder in meinem classroom eingeschlafen… auf ner harten, blauen kleinen Holzbank für Kindergärtler, autsch.. aber das is das einzige wo ich halbwegs drauf liegen kann. War einfach so erschöpft von dem Tag, dass ich mich hinlegen musste. Und ratz-fatz war ich für 2 geschlagene Stunden im Land der Träume. Als ich rüber ins Apartment gehen wollte, ta-taaa, guess what?

Ich hab das Gefühl, ich ziehe alle Arten von Krabbelviechern regelrecht magisch an. Heute sitz ich draußen auf den stairs vor unserem Apartment um Internet Signal zu bekommen, da fliegt mich eine Monster- Motte an, riiiiesen groß, ihne Witz und attakiert mich. Dude, ich war noch NIE so schnell von den stairs back im apartment, war bestimmt Weltrekord.
Haha, immer wenn ich so eine Begegnung mit den Insel-Insekten habe, komm ich mit nem langen Gesicht zurück ins Apartment. And the girls tease me and ask me what happened, cause I look so frightened and startled.. they say I look like one of my best friends died or sth like that.. haha! Jaa.. grausam!

Ich liebe Freitag Nachmittage. Das ist immer die Zeit in der wir einkaufen gehen. Das werde ich vermissen in Europa, nicht mehr die einzige weiße Person in einem grocery store zu sein. Alle schauen dich an, (man fallt eben auf mit so weißer Haut lach), man trifft Schüler, alle grüßen dich, Leute von Badminton, andere Lehrer, alle und wirklich alle wissen, dass du Lehrer in SDA bist! Lustig, werde das wirklich vermissen.

Aight, never wrote such a long blog Ach ja, und den Terroristen aus Guantanamo right next to us geht’s auch gut. Unser principal hat uns nur wieder gewarnt, wir sollen Abends nicht alleine rausgehen, auch nicht in der Gruppe, weils ziemlich viele bad people hier gibt.
Aber uns geht’s gut, wir freuen uns hier alle auf den Sabbat! In diesem Sinne, happy sabbath for you too and have a nice weekend!

Dear God help us all!!!!!…. found this thing crawling near my sofa and my boyfriend suggested to catch it in a bottle and then throw it into a toilet. Needlessly, I attempted to do what he asked except as soon as he touched water, he jumped back out. Also notice that it was Friday the 13th as well.

Marty delayed dealing with the bodies in the bedroom and, instead, walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth.  She turned on the light and jumped back from the sink as a cockroach hopped up from the basin and then landed back on the white porcelain like it was a pro snowboarder out of Park City, Utah.  “Humph,” she said out loud and filled the basin with a gallon of water from the tap.  The cockroach floated as though it were a guest at the pool at the Marriott  Resort Hotel and Spa. 

 She drained the water.  The cockroach slid onto the polished chrome drain stopper and its antennae fluttered like kite string in a weak September wind.  Marty made a fist which she pounded onto the edge of the counter, where she then rested her chin, crouching down, never taking her eyes off the cockroach.  “OK,” she said, standing and reaching for her pink and white striped toothbrush.  She brushed her teeth for two minutes, spitting blue bubbly streams onto the pest.  Crest Multicare Whitening Fresh Mint.   When she finished, she threw her toothbrush into the sink.

 Marty returned to the bedroom.  It was quiet.   Quiet like the middle of the night when no one is snoring, rustling the bedclothes, or having bad dreams.    Quiet like when nothing is alive.  The lights were on.  Her husband and dog filled the bed.   They both lay on their backs, the husband on the left, and the dog on the right. 

 The dog was named Cardboard after the box in which she was brought home four years earlier.  A 115-pound yellow Labrador retriever.  “A Labrador underachiever, you mean,” her husband often said.  Often.  Cardboard’s legs were in the air as though she were a table upended.  Marty thought she looked like a dead cartoon dog.   She got yellow Post-Its from the top nightstand drawer, wrote on them with a black marker, and put them on Cardboard’s closed eyes:  Xs.

 Her husband, Jake, a tax attorney, brought work to bed every night despite Marty’s protests.  “Jake, there isn’t room in this bed for you, me, Cardboard, and those books.  I can’t sleep with them poking in my back.”  She had made a variation of that complaint several times a month.  Nothing changed.  There were stacks of federal and state tax codes, regulations, and treasury decisions next to the bed.  Blue, maroon, and green nubby faux leather bound pillars.   Marty stood at the side of the bed looking down at Jake, knocking over the books with her big toe. 

 She began covering Jake’s head, then his shoulders with the books, laying each one at the right angle so it wouldn’t slip.   She opened some of the books like an inverted “V” when she had a surface that was not flat, such as his arms.  Books began to slide off his stomach, and so she got Band-Aids to hold them down, pressing the nude adhesive onto his skin.  The books were gone when she got to his elbows, and Marty went to the den to get more, carrying ten books at a time, slowly as though she held fine crystal.  The books had dust on the tops of them.  She wasn’t sure if she felt badly that she hadn’t dusted them or irritated that the books were in the house.  She didn’t dust them before covering him.   She ran out of Jake before she ran out of books.  She looked at Jake-the books:  a multi-colored pulp sarcophagus.

 Marty took the quilt off the rocking chair, turned out the light and lay down on the floor next to the bed.  The quilt didn’t cover her ankles or feet as she, also, lay on her back.  She made circles with her feet while she stretched her arms out, touching the baseboard of a wall with her right hand.  She felt sand.  A tiny mound of sand, as though someone emptied out a shoe after going to the beach.  She stopped making circles.  She moved her hand to the left and felt another mound of sand and then splinters of wood, like felled lumber in a miniature forest.  She turned on the light and looked.  Termites.  She smacked the mounds with one of Jake’s tax codes.   She smacked until the mounds flattened into the carpet.  Then she smacked the wall above the baseboard.  Again.  And again, putting her shoulder into the effort.

 “I’ll call the exterminator tomorrow.  And then I’m sleeping in the bed.”