Derek Jeter is a well-renowned cocksman, he has bedded 6 of Maxim’s Hottest 100 Women, amongst his many other conquests (cough, cough Robinson Cano…) not to mention he is grossly overpaid and has made millions and millions of dollars as a professional baseball player and 4-time World Champion.

So, Derek, you’ve already had Jessica Alba, you’ve already had ScarJo, I beseech you, please stop stealing my fantasy women. The latest, is a rumor reported in the NY Post that he may be getting involved with Minka Kelly. For those of you not familiar with the uber-hot Minka, check out the photos below. Minka is one of the stars of Friday Night Lights, a show whose first season is one of the best things I have ever enjoyed on television, although the second season left a lot to be desired. However, that wasn’t Minka’s fault. Also, her Dad is Rick Dufay a former guitarist with Aerosmith, so that’s pretty cool too.

All I can do is hope that Jeter isn’t spreading his oats with her because he’s already despoiled too many of my dream women and I don’t know if I could take any more losses. Derek, you’ve had enough! Isn’t it enough that you have three Gold Glove awards and you are one of the worst fielding shortstops in the Majors? How many more trophies must you lock up? Leave Minka alone, because I’m pretty sure she’d be totally into me. I mean, she once dated John Mayer and he’s a total douchebag, and I’m a nice guy, so therefore she’d be down with me.

Call me!

And because why not, here are a slew of pictures of the future Mrs. Slanch after the jump.

(h/t to Big League Stew for the Jeter collage)

“To describe Cocksman & Cocksman, the new film by major Hollywood icon and sex offender Fletcher Murdoch, as a pedophilic fever dream of indescribable violence and savagery would be like calling Bill Clinton a guy who likes pussy.  Not sure exactly what that means but it seems right.  C&C opens with a gang of 12 and 13 year old boys involved in a consensual orgy with their overweight female gym teacher.  The scene does not connect to the narrative in the least and, assuming the sex organs were not digitally reproduced, is one that should land Mr. Murdoch in jail for the rest of his life, even in Thailand.  The rest of the film is basically home made animal snuff films.

Thumbs up!”