#1 Florida (8-0)

#2 Texas (8-0)

#3 Alabama (8-0)

#4 Iowa (9-0)

#5 Cincinatti (8-0)

#6 TCU (8-0)

#7 LSU (7-1)

#8 Boise State (8-0)

#9 Georgia Tech (8-1)

#10 Oregon  (7-1)

#11 Penn State  (8-1)

#12 Pittsburgh (7-1)

#13 Utah (7-1)

#14 Houston (7-1)

#15 Oklahoma State (6-2)

#16 USC (6-2)

#17 Ohio State (6-2)

#18 Notre Dame (6-2)

#19 Miami (6-2)

#20 Arizona (5-2)

#21 BYU  (6-2)

#22 Wisconsin (6-2)

#23 California (6-2)

#24 South Florida(6-2)

#25 Clemson (5-3)

And I just read poor Sam Bradford is going to have the shoulder surgery and going pro. I guess he won’t be poor next year… On with the Top 25!

#1 Florida (7-0)

#2 Texas (7-0)

#3 Alabama (8-0)

#4 Iowa (8-0)

#5 Cincinatti (7-0)

#6 TCU (7-0)

#7 Oklahoma State (6-1)

#8 LSU (6-1)

#9 Boise State (7-0)

#10 Georgia Tech (7-1)

#11 USC (6-1)

#12 Oregon  (6-1)

#13 Penn State  (7-1)

#14 Virginia Tech (5-2)

#15 Pittsburgh (7-1)

#16 Utah (6-1)

#17 Houston (6-1)

#18 Ohio State (6-2)

#19 South Carolina (6-2)

#20 Notre Dame (5-2)

#21 West Virginia (6-1)

#22 Miami (5-2)

#23 Arizona (5-2)

#24 Ole Miss  (5-2)

#25 BYU  (6-2)

And FSU is waiting in the wings! By the time they get to the Florida game they will be ready to enter the Top 25 again! Go ‘Noles!

Posted using ShareThis

However, Alabama leap-frogs Florida in this week’s AP Top 25 Poll: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=4574720

Posted using ShareThis

My only changes in my Top 5 was LSU dropping after the loss to Florida(@home) and I moved Iowa ahead of Cincinatti. Iowa has had 2 big weeks and they haven’t lost yet. If Cincinatti keeps winning, though, and everyone else keeps losing, could they get a shot at the National Title? Probably not, but they’ve got a pretty good team and aren’t going to get a whole lot of respect because their name is ‘Cincinatti’.

The big question for me now is can FSU and Saint Bobby keep the consecutive Winning Season Streak alive? I think they can go 5-1 the last 6 games if their heart is still in it and… YesIbelievetheycanstillupsetUrbanCryer’sGators. There! I said it….FSU will have absolutely nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain in that one. Sure it may be Tebow’s last home game, but it also could be Bobby Bowden and Mickey Andrews last games as Seminole Coaches. I’m sure the whole team is going to want to send them out as winners… But let’s just keep that between us, shall we?

#1 Florida (5-0)

#2 Texas (5-0)

#3 Alabama (6-0)

#4 Iowa (6-0)

#5 Cincinatti (5-0)

#6 Virginia Tech (5-1)

#7 TCU (5-0) 

#8 Oklahoma State (4-1)

#9 Boise State (5-0)

#10 Notre Dame (4-1)

#11 LSU (5-1)

#12 USC (4-1)

#13 Ohio State (5-1)

#14 Nebraska (4-1)

#15 Miami (4-1)

#16 Georgia Tech (5-1)

#17 Kansas (5-0)

#18 South Florida (5-0)

#19 South Carolina (5-1)

#20 Oregon  (5-1)

#21 Penn State  (5-1)

#22 Auburn (5-1)

#23 Wisconsin (5-1)

#24 Missouri (4-1)

#25 BYU  (5-1)

Week 7 games to look forward to: Oklahoma/Texas… Cincinatti/South Florida… Iowa/Wisconsin… Texas Tech/Nebraska… Virginia Tech/Georgia Tech… South Carolina/Alabama… Misourri/Oklahoma State… and the BIG ONE OF THE WEEK: the Notre Dame Fightin’ Charlies vs USC. I think Charlie Weiss needs this one to retain the job and I think he finally gets the big win over the Trojans.

My top 2 haven’t moved and won’t until they lose, but I think Alabama is the best team out there right now. It’ll sort itself out… It usually does, anyway. The Top 5 will definitely will change in some way with Florida playing LSU. It’s still up in the air whether or not Tebow will play. I’m betting that he will and will play well, given the fact that he seems to play VERY well in the ‘revenge’ games and LSU’s fans weren’t very nice to him after the last time that he went down to Baton Rouge with the text messaging and all.

There are a few other good games…. Nebraska and Missouri should be a good one on Thursday to start off the weekend. Auburn/ Arkansas may be a good one and will tell a lot about the Tigers… BC/Va. Tech may be a decent game… Wisconsin/Ohio State… I think Alabama is going to dole out a beatdown to Ole Miss…My beleagured ‘Noles vs Georgia Tech. This game will determine whether they can still win the ACC or not (the Noles, of course). Obviously the big game of the week (for everyone else) is the LSU/Florida game. It’s hard to gauge how good LSU is. They struggled at Washington, escaped Mississippi State, and beat Georgia on a disgustingly awful celebration call.

#1 Florida (4-0)

#2 Texas (4-0)

#3 Alabama (5-0)

#4 LSU (5-0)

#5 Cincinatti (5-0)

#6 Iowa (4-0)

#7 TCU (4-0) 

#8 Missouri (4-0)

#9 Oklahoma State (3-1)

#10 Boise State (5-0)

#11 Virginia Tech (4-1)

#12 Notre Dame (4-1)

#13 USC (4-1)

#14 Ohio State (4-1)

#15 Nebraska (3-1)

#16 Miami (3-1)

#17 Georgia Tech (4-1)

#18 Auburn (5-0)

#19 Kansas (4-0)

#20 South Florida (5-0)

#21 Wisconsin (5-0)

#22 South Carolina (4-1)

#23 Michigan  (4-1)

#24 Oregon  (4-1)

#25 Penn State  (4-1)

Go Bobby! and Go ‘Noles!

Posted using ShareThis

Posted using ShareThis

Posted using ShareThis

The Crash! Landen Top 25 College Football Poll

#1 Florida (4-0)

#2 Texas (4-0)

#3 Alabama (4-0)

#4 LSU (4-0)

#5 Oklahoma  (2-1)

#6 Cincinatti (4-0)

#7 Michigan  (4-0)

#8 Iowa (4-0)

#9  Houston (3-0)

#10 TCU (3-0) 

#11 Missouri (4-0)

#12 Oklahoma State (3-1)

#13 Georgia (3-1)

#14 Boise State (4-0)

#15 Virginia Tech (3-1)

#16 Notre Dame (3-1)

#17 USC (3-1)

#18 Ohio State (3-1)

#19 Nebraska (3-1)

#20 Miami (2-1)

#21 Georgia Tech (3-1)

#22 Auburn (4-0)

#23 Kansas (4-0)

#24 South Florida (4-0)

#25 Wisconsin (4-0)

#26 UCLA (3-0)

#27 South Carolina (3-1)

#28 Penn State (3-1)

#29 Texas A & M (3-0)

#30 NC State (3-1)

#31 North Carolina (3-1)

#32 Oregon (3-1)

#33  Cal (3-1)

#34 Stanford (3-1)

#35  Florida State (2-2)

#36 Washington (2-2)

#37 Ole Miss (2-1)

#38 BYU(3-1)

#39 Texas Tech (2-2)

#40 Arkansas (1-2)

My Top 25 pick total stands at 54-10. In other ‘Noteable’ Games I am 17-5. So the Grand Total stands at a respectable 71-15. This week might be a lot harder to pick than last week, having so many teams play each other that are kind of on the ‘same level’ (like Ole Miss and South Carolina).

Against Evil FSU Hatin’ ACC Blogger Heather Dinich I am 24-6. The Evil One is 23-7. I really should keep a tally of how many times she works a dig at FSU into her column or how many outright verbal attacks she posts, but that would be a lot o’ tallyin’. So that’s a no go.

 On a side note, I’m listening to Ivan Maisel’s podcast which usually is co-hosted by the always great Beano Cook, but he’s still under the weather so Todd McShay is filling in. He’s doing the majority of gumflapping (there’s a 1000-1 word ratio between McShay and Maisel). I think he just likes hearing the sound of his own voice. He still hasn’t mentioned anything about being completely wrong about the FSU-BYU game. This may help my picks, though. I’ll just pick whoever McShay doesn’t pick…. Hey, he did mention the FSU-BYU game… ‘He couldn’t believe it.’ That’s about all he said.

Tough calls in bold… ‘Upsets’ in Red

#1 Florida @ Kentucky Crash! Picks: Florida (This might be a little bit of a trap game… but UF will pull away in the 2nd quarter)….

#2 Texas  vs UTEP Crash! Picks: Texas (McCoy won’t play much in the 2nd half)

#3 Alabama vs Arkansas Crash! Picks: BAMA (a lot of points will be scored by both teams in a blowout)

#4 Ole Miss @ South Carolina Crash! Picks: South Carolina (Going with Spurrier… Although, that Nutt’s a good coach, too.)

#5 Penn State vs Iowa Crash! Picks: Penn State (I’m going against the gut. I’m 0-3 vs the gut right now.)

#6 California @ Oregon Crash! Picks: Cal

#7 LSU @ Mississippi State Crash! Picks: LSU

#8 Bosie State @ Bowling Green Crash! Picks: BS

#9 Miami @ #11 Virginia Tech Crash! Picks: Miami

#12 USC vs Washington State Crash! Picks: USC

#13 Ohio State vs Illinoise (‘e’ for the Zooker) Crash! Picks: OSU

#14 Cincinatti vs Fresno State Crash! Picks: Cincinatti

#15 TCU @ Clemson Crash! Picks: Clemson

#16 Oklahoma State vs Grambling State Crash! Picks:OSU

#17 Houston vs Texas Tech Crash! Picks: Texas Tech

#18 Florida State Seminoles vs South Florida Bulls Crash! Picks: FSU! FSU! FSU!

#19 BYU vs Colorado State Crash! Picks: BYU

#20 Kansas vs Southern Miss Crash! Picks: Kansas

#21 Georgia vs Arizona State Crash! Picks: Georgia

#22 North Carolina @ Georgia Tech Crash! Picks: Georgia Tech

#23 Michigan vs Indiana Crash! Picks:Michigan

#24 Washington @ Stanford Crash! Picks: Washington

#25 Nebraska vs Louisiana-Lafayette Crash! Picks: Nebraska

In ACC picks:

Wake Forest @ Boston College Crash! Picks: WF

Rutgers @ Maryland Crash! Picks: Rutgers

PITT @ NC State Crash! Picks: NC State

North Carolina Central @ Duke Crash! Picks: Duke

Mercifully, Virginia doesn’t play this week.

In other ‘Noteable’ Games…

Arizona @ Oregon State Crash! Picks: OSU

Michigan State @ Wisconsin  Crash! Picks: Wisconsin

Not ‘official picks’, but Notre Dame should handle Purdue, Auburn should be 4-0, and Tennessee should rebound… Oklahoma is the only Top 25 team that’s off until Miami (which may be a good one). 

All that being said, here is my own poll. I base my OPINION (because this is just My Humble Opinion) on what the teams did last year, who they have coming back (including coaches), who they have coming in (including coaches), who they play, how well they play and where, injuries, record, how motivated that I think they are, etc. I’m betting my poll on a weekly basis will be much more accurate than the Coaches and Writers Poll… But IT IS my own opinion and it’s just as flawed as anyone else’s. Keep in mind I don’t think Florida will be at the top at the end of the year. But they were #1 at the end of last year and they have most everyone coming back (with Harvin being their biggest subtraction) so they still get to be #1 on my poll. Until they lose. So here is my own irrelevant poll without fanfare or art or pictures. I’m happier for posting it. I love college football.

The Crash! Landen Top 30 College Football Poll

#1 Florida (3-0, beat Tennessee @ Home)

#2 Texas (3-0, Beat Texas Tech @ Home)

#3 Alabama (3-0, Dominated Virginia Tech on a Neutral field)

#4 LSU (3-0, Beat Washington)

#5 Miami (2-0, Beat FSU on a dropped pass in the end zone, Beat Georgia Tech @ Home) 

#6 Oklahoma  (2-1, Shut 2 Nobodies out, lost when Sam Bradford was injured)

#7 Cincinatti (Beat Rutgers like a drum, Beat Oregon State, both on the road)

#8 Michigan  (3-0, Beat Notre Dame @ Home)

#9 Penn State (3-0, Have beaten NO ONE)

#10  Cal (3-0, Beat an average Minnesota team)

#11 Florida State (2-1, Beat BYU like a drum, lost to Miami on a dropped pass in the end zone).

#12 Boise State (3-0, Beat Oregon @ Home)

#13 North Carolina (3-0, Beat 2 Average Teams)

#14  TCU (2-0, The Game against Clemson will determine how good they are)

#15 Ole Miss (2-0, Have Beaten NO ONE)

#16 Washington (2-1, Beat USC, Played LSU pretty close @ home)

#17 USC (2-1, Beat Ohio State, Lost to Washington)

#18 Houston (2-0, Beat Oklahoma State)

#19 Oklahoma State (2-1, Beat Georgia @ Home)

#20 Georgia (2-1, Beat South Carolina, Beat Arkansas, Both on the road)

#21 Ohio State (2-1, Struggled with Navy, lost to USC… Typical Sweater Vest team)

#22 Virginia Tech (2-1, Beat Nebraska, Was Beat Down by Alabama on  a neutral field)

#23 Missouri (3-0, embarrassed Illinoise… That ‘e’ is for Ron.)

#24Nebraska (2-1, Should have beaten Va. Tech on the road)

#25 Georgia Tech (2-1, Lost to Miami on the road, Beat Clemson)

#26 Texas Tech (2-1, Lost a close one @ Texas)

#27 Notre Dame (3-0,Beat Michigan State)

#28 Arkansas (1-1, Lost a barnburner to Georgia)

#29 Auburn (3-0, Beat West Virginia)

#30 Iowa (3-0, Beat Arizona, but what does that mean really?)

#30 BYU(2-1, Beat Oklahoma without Sam Bradford)

 #30 Kansas (3-0, Beat NO ONE)

Posted using ShareThis

Posted using ShareThis

However, the solution is not to significantly delay the first poll. The first Harris poll (one of the two “human” polls used in the BCS formula) is not released until mid October and guess what… it almost exactly matches the polls that came out in mid August! Waiting for weeks to issue the first poll does not improve the accuracy. Also, we learn about teams starting from the very first weekend. Last season we knew by August 31 that Alabama was a very good team and Clemson was not.

The problem with the polls is that the pre-season poll is a forecast poll. There is a natural tendency to make your forecast come true and hold on to what you believed initially. Voters are reluctant to admit they were wrong about a team even when evidence clearly suggests the contrary.

More importantly, voters must move teams around as the season unfolds, even if it means dropping a team that wins. Some voters resist this, but it is a habit that must be broken. With each passing week it will become obvious that a team was ranked too low in the initial poll, and that team should be moved over teams, even over teams that have won. This is the only way that a true ranking of each team can be achieved by season’s end.

The good news is that a historic paradigm shift occurred at the end of the 2007 season. Two loss LSU jumped from 7 to 2 in the final regular season polls (after the conference championship games) which put the Tigers in the national title game. At that point, the voters looked at what LSU had accomplished for the season, compared that to the other team’s resumes and determined that LSU deserved the number two slot. Never in college football has history had a team made a jump like that when the other higher ranked teams did not lose. It can be debated that beating #15 Tennessee after giving up 50 points in a loss to 7-4 Arkansas wasn’t impressive enough to deserve such a jump, but at least the voters at that time studied the information they had and thought so. And LSU in the national title game in their own “city”, led to the bi-annual bludgeoning of Ohio State in the championship game and the title for the Tigers.

Here at your home for the best insight into college sports, you will see a forecast of the season’s final Top 25. However, the weekly Top 25 ranking will not start with a forecast poll, but will start with the final Top 25 of last season and will adjust each week, beginning with the first week and based on what occurred on the field. This means there will be huge changes in rankings from week to week, especially early on.

But hang on, it’s gonna be a fun ride!

Posted using ShareThis

Posted using ShareThis

Bleacher Fan (in an airy and mysterious voice): I see the winner of this debate, and it is… SPORTS GEEK!

But wait, that’s not all I see… there’s more to this premonition… Loyal Homer, next week you will begin to panic because you think you lost your Hello-Kitty backpack. Don’t worry… it will be right behind the sofa, where you dropped it after you started singing your favorite Miley Cyrus song as it plays on the radio tomorrow afternoon! It has been foretold!

Obviously, no one can gaze into a crystal ball and predict the future. That doesn’t mean, though, that people should not try. Speculation is part of what makes being a sports fan so much fun! Between friendly wagers with your buddies, office brackets, and pre-season polls, everyone tries to play “know-it-all” for the chance of making it look like YOU are the expert and YOU know what you are talking about.

At first, I was in complete agreement with Loyal Homer. In all reality, no one can measure future statistics and no one can predict injuries. The best gauge that a pollster has in evaluating talent is to measure and interpret what they see in the present. To be frank, Loyal Homer made one comment that I just couldn’t agree with, no matter how much I tried. That comment was regarding the 2008 Georgia Bulldogs.

Loyal Homer argues that the Georgia Bulldogs were a very deserving #1 team in the pre-season, despite the fact that Georgia was rarely mentioned in BCS talks. Due to a schedule which included some difficult matchups, Loyal Homer argues that very few expected the Bulldogs to finish the year as champions.

I just can’t buy that argument. How can a pollster in one breath say that Georgia is the best team in football, then in the other say that they won’t make it through their schedule? Isn’t the best team SUPPOSED to be the best BECAUSE they can beat all the other teams? Look at the Florida Gators, who had an equally difficult schedule, yet somehow managed to defeat LSU, Georgia, Florida State, South Carolina, and even defeated the then-ranked #1 teams Alabama AND Oklahoma in back-to-back games, on their way to winning the national championship.

I understand that it is difficult to choose which one team out of 119 will be the single champion every year, but I cannot agree with a statement that sets a team up to be the BEST in football, then closes by questioning that team’s ability to win games. By selecting Georgia as the best team in the nation during the pre-season, the implication is that they have a strong likelihood of surviving their schedule, no matter how daunting it is. If the pollsters didn’t think Georgia could get through their schedule, then they obviously were NOT the best team.

What ultimately clinched the ‘W’ for Sports Geek was the point that skillful pollsters can gauge the current climate of the football season and successfully apply that towards a forecast of how the season will play out.

I don’t think I would go as far as Sports Geek in saying that the voters need to “put a stake in the ground” or otherwise appear “gutless.” The uncertainty of the future has to allow for some flexibility in the voting process. Otherwise, the polls would never change, because a hard and fast ranking would be established during the pre-season. By declaring that the pre-season poll was a “statement” of who the best WILL be, the pollsters would essentially be choosing the National Championship matchup before the season even began, defeating the purpose of actually playing the season out.

While Sports Geek keenly recognizes that the “good” voters can forecast season results with some level of accuracy, there is still a day-to-day nature embedded within the game which must be accounted for.

Last, before I forget, the crystal ball has also shown me that Sports Geek will have “bad dreams” after watching Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, and will therefore have to sleep at night with the lights on… IT HAS BEEN FORETOLD!!!

Dean’s List

The deans at STQ would like to remind everyone that although things have been fairly easy so far for most of the big boys in class, conference season is about to begin. Those of you who have completed your out-of-conference extra credit assignment and played fellow BCS teams are in good stead. But that means the so-called contenders had better start hitting the books, fix mental mistakes and stop using excuses for their pathetic offensive showing (we’re looking at you, Mssrs. Tuberville, Richt, Bielema. The No-Offense, No-fun Club will not be permitted to dominate this league. And the “but we play such good defense” excuse isn’t gonna fly here, folks) before conference play – and the true tests – begin.

1. USC

Slow Jerk: Proved their worth eating the Cupcake at the Colliseum

Mad Handles: I’m calling it right now. It’s the power of the hair. My theory is that visitors to the Coliseum are mezmerized to the point of complete uselessness at the sight of Pete Carrol’s silver locks blowing haphazardly in the light southern California breeze.

Smooth as Eggs: After the complete destruction of Ohio State, are there any questions?

The Right Rev: What’s that? Oh, sorry, I was watching Pete Carroll’s hair billow in the wind. This might be Pete Carroll’s best team at USC. And that’s damn scary.

2. OU

Slow Jerk: Washington isn’t very good. That said, not many teams go to Seattle and put that kind of scalping on the Huskies. Yes, it is a native American joke.

Mad Handles: How do you beat the Sooners? Convince them you’re really playing them in a BCS bowl.

Smooth as Eggs: What, there’s not a rule for excessive destruction? Poor Washington.

The Right Rev: Oklahoma is one of two teams that, at the moment, looks like it might be able to maybe hang with USC. And that’s saying a lot.

3. Mizzou

Slow Jerk: I played the Mizzou/Nevada game on Wii the other day on the freshman level, and couldn’t put up the numbers that the Tigers did.

Mad Handles: How about that offense… wait, we’re getting word that the Tigers just scored AGAIN!

Smooth as Eggs: It’s getting to the point where it needs to be asked – can Missouri’s offense pitch a perfect game?

The Right Rev: Chase Daniel is a surgeon, and he has the best set of wide receivers and tight ends in the country. Throw in multi-faceted running back Derrick Washington and a bigger, better offensive line, and you’ve got the best offense in football.

4. Florida

Slow Jerk: Didn’t play, but I bet Tebow did something to better the world.

Mad Handles: They could have played, man. Tim Tebow’s aura alone would have been enough to fend off the strongest storm.

Smooth as Eggs: Superman gets the week off and the SEC looks like something Slow Jerk’s dogs processed. Coincidence?

The Right Rev: After watching the offensive futility of his conference mates, Urban Meyer has to be laughing. And licking his chops as he prepares to put UGa back where it belongs.

5. LSU

Slow Jerk: Les Miles’ squad is quietly in the top ten. They won’t be for that long.

Mad Handles: Hooray for an SEC team not called Florida that put up 41 points this week!

Smooth as Eggs: So, it came against North Texas. Doesn’t matter. An SEC team showed glimpses of an offense. That’s progress.

The Right Rev: See, the funny thing is that we know very little about LSU because its out-of-conference schedule was weaker than Dina Lohan’s claims she was a good mother.

6. Texas

Slow Jerk: Didn’t play due to Ike, but would have beat the hell out of Arky.

Mad Handles: Texas took the week off. So will I.

Smooth as Eggs: Even without playing, the Longhorns move up. Why? Because I’m still impressed by how bad they were going to maul Arkansas.

The Right Rev: This is what’s called a default pick. Who the hell else belongs here, Georgia? Did you WATCH the South Carolina game?

7. Georgia

Slow Jerk: South Carolina should have won that game. That tells me right there that Georgia sucks.

Mad Handles: Someone wake me up when Stafford throws another TD pass.

Smooth as Eggs: The point I was talking about above. Example 1: Georgia 14, South Carolina 7.

The Right Rev: Turns out, Matt Stafford and Uga’s passing game still aren’t that good. When the OL isn’t making life easy for Moreno, I know that means trouble.

8. Wisconsin

Slow Jerk: I didn’t see the end of their game because I was bored.

Mad Handles: The Wisconsin offense is so boring if it had a Secret Service code name, it’d be “Al Gore.”

Smooth as Eggs: Boringly effective. I have a feeling that is the Badgers’ motto and has been since the beginning of time.

The Right Rev: Watching Wisconsin football makes me watch to kill myself by OD’ing on beer and chesese.

9. South Florida

Slow Jerk: Beating ku isn’t really a big deal. But damn this team is fast.

Mad Handles Leave it to Leavitt. Yeah. No. I didn’t just think of that.

Smooth as Eggs: Answered a few questions with the furious comeback Friday night – for the entire conference.

The Right Rev: Best team in the conference? Yes. Better than kansas? Also yes. When Groethe doesn’t make mistakes, USF is dangerous.

t10. Alabama

Slow Jerk: Alabama – Could ‘bama win the SEC? If so, proof the SEC sucks.

Mad Handles: Stop traffic! Another SEC team not called Florida dropped 41 this week? Pray. NOW. The apocalypse is at hand.

Smooth as Eggs: Unlike most of their SEC counterparts, the Tide decided to play offense this past week.

The Right Rev: Bama in the top 10 makes me want to throw up. Blasphemy. No team QBed by John Parker “Front Mullet” Wilson is top-10 worthy.

t10 – East Carolina

Slow Jerk: East Carolina – Almost lost to Tulane. No big deal, it isn’t like they lost to Notre Dame.

Mad Handles: Just when I hop on the wagon, the wheels almost fall off. That’s just like a Holtz.

Smooth as Eggs: So, the Pirates barely beat Tulane. SEC teams get credit for stinking out wins on the road against overmatched foes, so why not anybody else.

The Right Rev: East Carolina still has more quality wins than three-fourths of the SEC. ..

t10 – BYU

Slow Jerk: They put a latter-day ass-whooping on an OK UCLA team.

Mad Handles: A 35 point second quarter? That’s not very Christian.

Smooth as Eggs: Consider that a statement regarding the Cougars’ BCS crashing hopes.

The Right Rev: Joseph Smith must have intervened on BYU’s behalf. Either that, or Neuheisel had a bet out on this game or something.

t13. Penn State

Slow Jerk: Penn State – The big ten11 is bad enough that a team in the middle of nowhere with a coach who probably served in the Civil War will win it all.

Mad Handles: When John McCain campaigns in Pennsylvania, he should do so with JoePa at his side. Not only is he associating with a winner, but also one of the few people who can make McCain look and sound like a twentysomething.

Smooth as Eggs: Best team in the Little 11?

The Right Rev: Jim Tressel’s sweater-vest induced power of pedophilia is fading; can crazy old Joe Pa take advantage?

t13. Texas Tech

Slow Jerk: Texas Tech – Harrell had trouble last week with Nevada’s D. Daniel put up 400 yards. That tells you the difference between 3 and 10.

Mad Handles: Good team. Stupid coach. Why, why, why is Harrell still in the game up 36-0 heading into the 4th?

Smooth as Eggs: What separates Tech from the upper echelon of the Big 12? Tech struggled to put Nevada away. Missouri made the Wolfpack look like Southeast Missouri State. The Red Raiders’ refusal to run the football or play defense is fun and cute. But it also keeps them behind.

The Right Rev: Texas Tech’s offense hasn’t quite clicked (despite returning 10 starters) and it’s defense isn’t as good as was advertised. Keep an eye out: The fall is inevitable.

15. Ohio State

Slow Jerk: EMBARRASSED. Seriously, play like that against any team on their schedule from here on out and they’ll be this year’s ND.

Mad Handles: Time to turn this offense over to Pryor and start playing for next year.

Smooth as Eggs: Another game on the national level. Another blowout of the Buckeyes.

The Right Rev: Look, Ohio State just isn’t that good. And it won’t be until Tressel is rolling with an experienced, elite quarterback. So check back in two years…

t-16. Oregon

Slow Jerk: Pulled a win out of their ass this weekend. Pretty nice offense.

Mad Handles: Ah. It appears Oregon knows how to make the mythical “second half adjustments.” Fans love them some second half adjustments.

Smooth as Eggs: The Ducks uniforms? Ugly. Oregon’s play for about 30 minutes Saturday? Hideous. LeGarrette Blount stepping up to save the Ducks? Beautiful.

The Right Rev: Oregon is OK for now, but the Ducks are in trouble if Chris Harper starts more than the next few games at QB.

t- 16. Auburn

Slow Jerk: Auburn – 3 points. And they won. I guess that’s something.

Mad Handles: The obit begins like this: Starkville, MS – September 13, 2008. College football offense died today, in full view of more than 52,000 witnesses, all of whom watched helplessly as the vicious and savage attack occurred…

Smooth as Eggs: Three points! Three freaking points! Auburn should not be allowed to claim that they run the spread. Hell, the Tigers shouldn’t be allowed to claim an offense.

The Right Rev: Scoring fewer points against Mississippi State than Louisiana Tech means Auburn’s offense is ever worse without Brandon Cox than it was with him. Wow.

18. Utah

Slow Jerk: Utah – I want to see them play BYU.

Mad Handles: I know I have ‘em ranked lower, but I’m goign to say it right now. Utah is better than BYU.

Smooth as Eggs: Best state school in Mormon land. Then again, was that ever in doubt?

The Right Rev: All that matters is that this likely is the only team standing between BYU and an undefeated season. Until that game, what else really matters?

19. Wake Forest

Slow Jerk: Wake still has to be the favorite for the ACC. Although who wants to see them in the BCS?

Mad Handles: The best of the ACC. Unfortunately, we’re talking football here.

Smooth as Eggs: Jim Grobe is a genius. Seriously, Wake Forest is the best team in the ACC. The man should win every coach of the year award ever presented.

The Right Rev: If there has to be a team from the ACC in a BCS game, why not a Grobe squad? Sure, they’ll get embarrassed, but at least they’ll try hard. That’s more than you can say for Clemson.

20. Fresno

Slow Jerk: Blew their chance to really make some noise. BCS dreams are shot, but maybe they’ll be lucky enough to play Boise at Boise in that joke of a bowl.

Mad Handles: They almost pulled it off. At the very least they showed us the true nature of the Wisky offense.

Smooth as Eggs: So, the Bulldogs lost to Wisconsin. They probably fell asleep by the end of the first quarter, so who can blame them.

The Right Rev: Pat Hill let me down, man. He let me down.

21. Illinois

Slow Jerk: Shouldn’t be ranked – but Ron Zook gave me 10,000 dollars to make it happen.

Mad Handles: Has that guy who bought www.fireronzook.com the day Zook became head coach at Florida sold the site to an Illinois fan? There should be a market for it soon.

Smooth as Eggs: The real Juice Williams has resurfaced. And he has proven again that Eddie McGee is the best QB on the Illini roster. Any chance Zook is dirty enough to swap jerseys on Williams and McGee for that opener?

The Right Rev: I hear that in addition to giving Slow Jerk cash, the Zooker also gave Jerk’s mom a job in the athletic department at Racist Mascot U.

Paddle Line

Get in line, drop the shorts and prepare for the verbal beating you so justly deserve.

1. People who watched Auburn vs. Mississippi State

Slow Jerk: 3-2. FIVE total points in a football game. I don’t understand – did this game only last 2 minutes?

Mad Handles: These people are henceforth known as the “mourners.” See above. If you witnessed this brutal attack, help is available. You are encouraged to call the PTSD hotline at (800) 293-1438. You are not alone.

Smooth as Eggs: Seriously, if I attended that game, I’d demand my money back. If someone actually watched this game on television – get a freaking life.

The Right Rev: This is the ultimate example of how much b.s. the SEC slings around about how great its conference is, top to bottom. Mississippi State got embarrassed by La. Tech. And Auburn musters three points against the Dawgs. THREE! Pathetic.

2. kansas

Slow Jerk: BONANI!!!!!!

Mad Handles: You know how Doritos claims to be “nacho cheese” flavored, but they don’t taste like any nachos you’ve ever had in your life? Yeah. That’s kind of how it is with kansas and “BCS contender.”

Smooth as Eggs: Exposed. Can’t run. Can’t play defense. Not playing the weak sisters of the poor. Loss. And for those kansAss readers, who are tired of the weak schedule and fat coach jokes, you suck. Of course, it’s probably basketball season in lowrents about now. So, good riddance.

The Right Rev: ku is in trouble. No running game. No offensive tackles worth a crap. Unable to keep USF’s not-that-great passing game from shredding its secondary. Eat it, jerks.

3. UCLA

Slow Jerk: The most embarrasing performance by a big name BCS school this side of ohio state.

Mad Handles: Seriously? Not even a field goal? What was the spread on this one? Someone check with Neuheisel’s bookie.

Smooth as Eggs: More proof that the SEC is overrated. Tennessee loses to UCLA despite the Bruins consistently turning the ball over. The Mormons then turn the Bruins into non-marriage material.

The Right Rev: Seriously, UCLA? Seriously? Go think about what you’ve done.

4. Ohio State

Slow Jerk: Big stage – and they choke. Actually, I don’t think they choked. They just aren’t that damn good.

Mad Handles: To the media who placed tOSU in the Top 5 to start – Do you get it now? Do you? Here’s a novel idea, let’s make tOSU earn it for a change.

Smooth as Eggs: Another game on the national level. Another blowout of the Buckeyes.

The Right Rev: I’m laughing. Get a real QB. And maybe a defense that focuses on more than stomping runs up gut.

5. Michigan

Slow Jerk Dude, you guys got beat by Notre Dame. The only productive team you did was blow out Charlie Weis’ knee.

Mad Handles: Sweet merciful crap. This is what it’s come to?

Smooth as Eggs: How is RichRod as the new “Michigan Man” working out? A loss to Utah – excusable. A loss to Notre Dame – hilarious.

The Right Rev: You know when you’re playing NCAA football from EA Sports and you make the mistake of simming a game – and all your starting QBs get hurt, leaving you moving a WR to QB? Yeah, that’s where Michigan is right now.

6. Cal

Slow Jerk: “Bears” is a lot like “cubs” – which really sucks for Cal

Mad Handles: Meh. It’s Cal.

Smooth as Eggs: – Maryland lost to Middle Tennessee. The Terps then whipped your ass. I don’t care that it was essentially a 9 a.m. game, losing to Maryland is like losing to Notre Dame.

The Right Rev: The Pac-10 isn’t as bad as the ACC or Big East, but it’s close.

7. Arizona State

Slow Jerk: I hear Rudy Carpenter is really good at Scrabble. I also hear he’s a shitty QB.

Mad Handles: I’m all out of Sam Keller jokes.

Smooth as Eggs: So much for that showdown with Georgia.

The Right Rev: Dennis Erickson, what’s going on? You’re not supposed to start losing until AFTER you get busted for dirty tactics.

The next ten: Alabama, Utah, Wake Forest, Michigan, Illinois, Michigan State, UCLA, Florida State, Nebraska, and Tulsa.

1. Georgia (22)
2. USC (14)
3. Ohio State (14)
4. Oklahoma (4)
5. Florida (5)
6. LSU (3)
7. Missouri
8. W. Virginia
9. Clemson
10. Texas
11. Auburn
12. Wisconsin
13. Kansas
14. Texas Tech
15. Virginia Tech
16. Arizona State
17. BYU
18. Tennessee
19. Illinois
20. Oregon
21. South Florida
22. Penn State
23. Wake Forest
24. Michigan
25. Fresno State

I’m not a big believer in pre-season college football polls. Too much TBD and if a team starts high/low, the status quo is usually maintained unless there are losses.

In college basketball, pre-season polls are fine b/c they don’t mean too much. There’s a tournament to decide the champion and there are more games.

In college football, what happens if 3 teams run the table. Chances are the teams that were ranked the highest the earliest will be playing for the title. Not fair in my opinion.