I got a job!!!

All my tears, temper tantrums, panic attacks, stress-induced friend fights, and violent rages towards my parents turned out to be totally worth it. I’m on my way to getting a full time job. And by that I mean that I’m now working three freelance blogging jobs and making enough money to support myself for at least one to three months depending on how long I can sustain myself on a water and table scraps diet.

One blog is about the postgrad realty market, one is geared towards men’s humor, and the last is all about liberating and embracing a woman’s sexuality. So by the time I get done with a week of writing all three, I’ll be the only certified realtor that can make hilarious fart jokes while imparting the seriousness of bra burning. If that’s not a pick-up line in a bar, then cat’s got my tongue (I’m aiming to write for a blog entirely composed of idioms if anyone’s got a lead).

I excitedly told my grandparents over a dinner of boiled chicken and broth to which they responded with little to no enthusiasm, can you write that much? I immediately answered yes, of course I can write that much. However I started to question myself; am I capable of actually writing several different blogs? I mean this blog is easy. I just have to write about myself and truth be told it’s been a phenomenal therapy system for me since graduation. All I have to do is share my feelings and then the commenters provide the tough love solutions.

I’ve spent the last few months telling everyone that I aspire to be a fulltime blogger and now that it’s kinda starting to happen, I’m kinda starting to freak out. I have to really be an adult and create a schedule for myself. No more sleeping in until noon and spending my days sitting on a park bench insulting tourists in my head as they walk by in their heinous sneaker-dress combo outfits. No more half-assing work because I’m an unpaid intern. This is the real thing.

Then again, perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself and this freelance blogging is a good intro to the real world of working. I’ll be waking up earlier, dressing myself nicer (I’m pretending like it’s a REAL job), and perhaps start looking into getting some of that health insurance everyone’s been talking about.

The best part of getting these jobs is that next week when I go back to school for homecoming I won’t even have to lie about having a job. I just have to keep the bragging to a minimum about having three.

I hung up the phone and sobbed.  Why couldn’t I catch a break?  After 4 interviews in 4 weeks, I thought I finally found the right company who I not only wanted to work for, but who may actually want to hire me.

The hours were perfect, and I was flexible enough to take them.  The company had integrity, prestige, was involved in the community and I respected their work.  My skill set matched exactly what they were looking for.  Or at least I thought it did.

Let me tell you what exactly this whole interviewing/job hunting life consists of.  I find a job that has a skill set that matches mine, and I send in my resume.   While I’m waiting to hear back, I send in my resume to 20 other jobs just like it, because I know I’ll only get responses to 1/5 of the jobs I apply for, if that.

The next few days I start to hear back, one company want’s an in-person interview, another wants a phone interview.  After  I psych myself for the scary interview where I have NO idea what they want to know….  I go in, meet them or say hello on the phone  and answer every question brilliantly.  Somehow I always leave thinking that I have the job!  Why…

When interviewing and applying, weeks of your life are wasted.  In hopes that I will hear back from some of these “Holier Than Thou” companies, I wait.  And wait.  Until finally I call, and I hear that I am not what they were looking for or they found someone else or they all ready called everyone they wanted to hear from.

I additionally LOVE this line, “Who are you? Person-I-met-last-week-who-I-led-to-believe-was-perfect-for-the-job?  Hmm, I can’t recall ever meeting you.”  If I ever end up having hiring power (after I manage to land a job), I will at least treat people with respect.

I read that only 19.7% of 2009 College Grads have interviewed and landed a job.   So, I’m definitely in the 80.3%.  It’s not a very nice view, but it’s a hopeful one.  The silver lining on all of this is that I don’t have to work for the disrespectful people I interviewed with.  Also, for all the jobs I interviewed for, someone somewhere got them.  And finally, by looking at my Comcast bill,  people are definitely making money.

Now, back to craigslist….

If I’ve learned nothing else since graduating (I’ve learned nothing else), I have learned that everyone turns into Dear Abby when they meet an unemployed person. I’ve gotten enough advice to write at least fourteen whole blogs on this topic, but don’t worry I’ll contain myself this time.

“Look on the the Internet for Jobs” – Esther Rosenwiezencrantz, age 85
Oh really, the internet? Is that where they are? Well darn, I can stop circling help wanted ads in the newspaper and turn on that new-fangled computer that sits in the corner of my room. I guess I just turn on this internet thing and a million jobs appear.

“Go to Grad School” – 10 +People in Grad school
Actually, I’ll tell you what, that advice isn’t applicable to my situation. I want to start making money, not go to grad school for something I’m not interested in and leave in more debt… and still unemployed.

“Just go to (fill in any television network) and hand them your resume, they’ll like your go getter attitude” – Grandfather
How can I explain that NBC is not a corner store selling horse feed and chewing tobacco? Handing my resume to the security team that won’t even let me near the first round of assistants I have to go through would be even less productive in my job search than me handing my resume to the coffee cart on my corner in hopes he knows someone.

“Marry Rich” – Gold digging friend with similar aspiration
While at first this seems to be a quick fix to my lack of an income problem, it presents a whole ‘nother series of challenges. First, finding someone to marry me; second, getting stressed about trying to be cast on Real Wives of New York: Season 7; and third, having to hire a divorce lawyer in a few years when my rich husband cheats on me with a newly unemployed college grad class of ‘2013.

“Why not just write a book” – People who don’t think job = income
I get this a lot when I tell people I want to be a writer. And while in 2nd grade this seemed like the ideal job, I now know that spending a year writing a novel in a coffee shop not only means no salary or health insurance, but it also means brown teeth from sitting in a coffee shop all day drinking coffee. Also, I’ve aspired my whole life to spend my 20’s going to a job in perfectly matched J-Crew work outfits…and everyone knows writers only wear sweats all day. (Editor’s Note: True story.)

And the worst part about getting all this unsolicited advice is that I can’t respond with anything other than thank you, I’ll look into that.

So, thank you, people. I’ll look into that. Right after I get me one of them compooder thingies.

"We're fine! We've got diplomas!"

Yesterday, President Obama urged students to stay in school.  He said that you can’t drop out of school and expect to drop into a good job. Well, apparently, you can’t drop into a good marriage either.

According to National Affairs, there is a higher divorce rate in non-college-educated couples vs. those who earned a degree. I wonder why that is? My personal opinion is that after four years of whoring around school and testing the waters, college grads were finally able to pick their favorite brand of life-partner.

Alternatively, maybe they honed their patience skills after spending four years battling academia. Years of exams, presentations and thesis papers have made marriage look like a piece of cake, comparatively.

Yet maybe college grads have a lower divorce rate because after sharpening their minds and taking a logical look at the institution of marriage, they opt not to marry at all. Saving themselves from expensive weddings, shared checking accounts and intrusive in-laws all together.

Most likely, though? Those divorced non-college grads probably never made it to college ‘cuz they got married at 18 before they knew any better and realized too late an X-box-playing husband isn’t so adorbs after all.

Whatever the reason, stay in school, people. You may not be able to get a job right now, but at least you’ll nab yourself a husband. For life.

I remember crying as I packed for college a gazillion years ago and freaking out that I would never really be coming home again in the same way. But, the second I got home for Thanksgiving break, I realized exactly how wrong I was about that. My house was just as I left it (minus a few things my sister borrowed, stretched out, and left in the trunk of the car) and despite being insanely more educated, my family didn’t treat me any differently. I still fought with my sister over the remote (The Nanny reruns, really?), I still was expected to help with the dishes (ugh), and I still had to tell my mom in excruciating detail where I was going when I left the house.

However this past June when I left to go to New York I went through the exact same emotions, overly dramatic arm flailing and unattractive tears galore as I packed up. And once again, I proved myself wrong. I went home this past week to take a break from adult responsibilities, such as job hunting and obsessively updating my Linkedin and I discovered that still nothing changed.

It seems that no matter how old I get, I will always revert back to my 18-year-old self as soon as I step foot in the front door. And unfortunately for my siblings, I treat them as if they haven’t aged since my senior year in high school. It wasn’t until I was looking at pictures that I realized my prepubescent brother who I still refer to as Baby Brother was actually 17 and four feet taller than me. When did that happen and how do I somewhat gently ask him to shave his three lone facial hairs that he calls a beard?

The biggest difference between coming home in college and coming home as a post-grad is that now I crave that attention from my mom. Back in the old days I had high school friends to visit and places where I felt like I just had to show my face. I spent 90% of my break telling my mom that I’m in college now so it’s actually none of her business when I come home or if she wakes up to me sleeping under the dining room table with pine cones in my hair.

But now that my home friend count has dwindled down to fractional numbers, I surprisingly (perhaps sadly) enjoy spending time with her. She’s the only person that is genetically required to care about all the stories I tell. (Sidenote: while I appreciate her listening, there’s nothing more frustrating in the entire world than her mixing up names. It’s like, “try to follow me here on this story, Mom. Sam is NOT the same person as Sammy.”) And opposed to the college years (I divide my life the same way Saved by the Bell divided shows), I now look forward to being babied and coddled. I expect chocolate chip pancakes when I wake up and, yes, I would like whipped cream on top of that hot chocolate. Yes I want you to take me shopping and yes I expect you to cancel your dinner party with friends that you’ve had planned for months just so you can make my favorite dessert and serve it hot.

This past trip home has taught me the older I get, the poorer I get, the better going home gets. It’s all rather backwards.

Ok – As many of you know, this is a very challenging economy and as I’ve stated a number of times, this time your job search requires thinking “out of the box”. But what does that mean? For MANY of you, your job search consists of going to Monster.com, Careerbuilder.com, or a company’s website to apply. And after a certain amount of time with little or no result, you become frustrated. You then say that “there are no jobs out there”. And like ever other “in the box” job seeker does – you give up….At this point, settling for anything becomes your default; because you never did the work.

The interesting thing about your job search is that you are closer to having results than you may think, you just need a 2 millimeter shift in how you think. What I mean is that instead of just looking on Monster and Career Builder, you can use other resources such as Linkedin.com – check out my blog on Social Networks as well as the menu bar on my website under “Career Resources”.
You see, the biggest challenge that most job seekers have is what I want to call “Fear of the 400 Pound Phone” (I’ll credit Matt Bud for that term). Yes, phone call reluctance is the NUMBER ONE KILLER of job seekers.

I’ve spent the last 15 years of my life on the phone as a professional Headhunter. I’ve seen many people come and go in my profession. The one’s who made it are the one’s who didn’t mind dialing (don’t get me wrong – you have to have some other skills to be successful in headhunter) and doing the heavy lifting!
Many job seekers are afraid of picking up the phone and doing the heavy lifting or making the phone calls.

5 Top Reasons for Phone-a-phobia:
1. Fear of not knowing what to say; and that you’ll embarrass yourself.
2. Fear of Rejection, that someone will not be interested.
3. Fear of talking to someone you don’t know; many people don’t know how to build rapport with strangers.
4. Fear that will blow a potential lead and can never go back!
5. Fear that you won’t be successful in your attempt to network or find a job.

Ok – there are probably more that I can mention, but the truth is that these are all things that can be overcome quite easily. How????? Yes, that’s the question of the day. By doing one simple thing. PREPARING!
As a headhunter, one of the things that has led to my continued success is preparing for the task at hand.

5 Cures for Phone-a-phobia:
1. Prepare a list of potential clients (50 companies)
2. Have a list of prepared questions.
3. Have your 15 second elevator pitch ready.
4. Have your resume ready (professionally written or critiqued is a must).
5. Have a phone script ready. (I provide one in my FREE book!)
6. Have a regiment that you stick to – this requires discipline and accountability!

Just like a golf swing, the more you do it the better you get. Maybe a better analogy is walking – when you were a baby, you didn’t know how to walk, but you kept trying – look at you know!

I recommend that you listen to my “How to use Linkedin like a Headhunter” audio FREE @ www.blogtalkradio.com/thecareercatalyst. You can also download my book for FREE for a limited time. My site has a ton of valuable information that you can use.

The winds of life are always blowing, it is you who must raise the sails!

Ron Nash
Master Career Strategist
www.TheFriendZone.Tv
“If you’re not a Friend, You’re just another job seeker

Hello to all (none) of you!

Here is my writing space where I will hopefully find something to write about.  Everyday I have thoughts swirling around in my mind and I feel that it’s time to focus them on ONE thing, and let the internet know, because the internet cares.

I’m a young college grad who is sleeping in Seattle, and working wherever.  My life is in complete chaos and who knows when it will stop spinning.  I am primarily concerned about staying afloat and being the best person I can to everyone around me.

As we all know, the current economy is not a friendly one to a job-seeking youngster like myself.  I had a stable job for all 4 years of college, working for a company outside the city.  I was ready to be promoted after graduation, when the rug or should we say the scaffolding, was pulled from underneath me by being laid off 2 days after graduation.

Between house-sitting, generous friends and family providing small jobs, and prayer, I have been able to pay my bills and make rent in my little Seattle apartment.  My hard determination to stay independent and NOT move home keeps me searching for a job.  I have had several interviews, yet they were mere bites, not catches.  Monster.com and craigslist, be a dear and help a girl out, please!

I’m not giving up hope of finding a great job, but in the mean time I might as well write something.  I got a degree in History and Political Science,  perhaps I’ll put them to use.  Or maybe I’ll just write about decorating,  my passion.  Who knows, but I will find something and get back to my whole host of (no) readers when I figure it out.

Where's the keg? Where's the dancing? Where are the drunk people making out?!

There’s nothing like an exclusive party in Manhattan to make you feel cool. Likewise there’s nothing like a six story walk up to make you feel out-of-breath as well as out-of-shape.

This past weekend I was invited to a friend’s brother’s uncle’s neighbor’s housewarming party at a West Village penthouse. I went not only because I liked casually slipping it into conversation that I was going to a roof party, but also because I’m constantly trying to figure out the secret to going from a post-grad intern to a real employee who can afford to pay rent on an apartment. It’s a mind boggling mystery to me but I’m determined to solve it.

However, mingling with all these employed-and-insured people made me realize that I shouldn’t be so worried about finding a job. These people were only twenty-five and yet they had more complaints than my grandparents after they forget to take their diuretics. They’re overtired, they’re overworked, and they’re over having fun.

I’m used to college  parties where the only people sitting down are the ones who started their night’s drinking too early and now must wait for someone to notice them and shove them into a public safety car. However at this party, people were fighting for the seats and anyone left standing was assumed to be a random neighbor who had mistakenly wandered up to the roof.

They sipped their drinks slowly and didn’t even run over to the bar as soon as their drink was almost empty. People spoke at appropriate volumes and no one got too drunk that they made a spectacle of themselves. Not even one person slipped on the spiral staircase of death that led up to the roof.

My friends and I found ourselves to be the life of the party, not  because we were insanely entertaining, but more because we were the only ones that could still remember how how to down them like we were at college and how to converse about things other than bosses and 401ks.

I’ve been so caught up trying to find a job that I failed to pay attention to what growing up really looks like.
If this is what being employed/grown-up is all about, count me out.

"I'm 22, dammit!"

I look very young for my age. If scientists took a lunch break from developing anti-aging creams and instead studied my delayed aging process they could figure out how to make everyone look eleven years younger (I had to one-up the TLC show).

When I tell people I just graduated from school they automatically assume middle school and tell me that I’ll  grow out of my awkward teen years soon. And when they find out that I’m actually 22 they reassure me that once I’m older I’ll appreciate looking younger. Like, great, when I’m 78 I’ll look 75. I’ll really impress all the men then; they’ll be wetting their Depends just to get with a young broad like me.

Throughout this whole summer I’ve tried to casually walk into bars only to be stopped by massive bouncers looking for an ID. They stare at them for hours trying to figure out how I got such a good fake and if I had to sneak out of my house to be there. They always reluctantly hand it back to me as if it ruined their night that I’m actually of age. By the time the bouncers are done scanning my ID for all possible forgeries, my friends are six pitchers deep and I’m shamed into actually feeling like I used a fake.

It’s like some sick joke that I’m technically too old to go back to college yet I don’t look old enough to be out without parental supervision.

When people actually do guess my correct age range (I accept 17-22) I blush and swoon. No other compliment gets me as heated as someone telling me I look my age. It’s the secret to my heart and I will spend the rest of the night feeling insanely mature. I give out free advice left and right because when I look older, I feel wiser. And everyone appreciates advice from the old and wise.

Anyways, since my internship is wrapping up shortly and no one has gotten around to fixing the economy yet, I’m about to have a lot of time on my hands. Time that I will fill with happy hours (or getting carded/double carded/strip searched attempting to get into the happy hours) and researching an alternative plastic surgery method that would give me the opposite effects of a face lift.

Real life is….awesome. (Note: that was sarcasm.)

I am SICK AND TIRED!!!

Sick and tired of this ungrateful and unjust world. It is funny how easy it is for some people to judge others and yet they can’t offer solutions to the problem. People who are doing well in life might not understand this but if you are employed today and love your job, congratulations and hold on to that. It seems that no one can tell me exactly what I am not doing right to get a job. All I hear is “in this economy, this, in this economy, that”.

I know I’m angry but I can’t tell you who exactly my anger is directed to. I hate that when I email my resume and cover letter that I spend countless hours writing, I don’t hear back from HR or recruiting people. I’d rather read “Sorry you weren’t a match” than…. NOTHING! I hate that I have all that professional experience and yet it doesn’t pay off. Yeah my GPA sucks but that doesn’t mean I’m not smart. That doesn’t mean I can’t work as an administrative or legal assistant, a store manager or even a researcher or analyst. How am I supposed to have 3-5 years experience in a field when no one gives me the chance have that experience?

I’m sick and tired like feeling like I’ve failed. Sick and tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. Sick and tired of feeling like I’m not doing everything possible but can’t seem to figure out what it is that I’m not doing. SICK AND TIRED!!!

Only three months after graduating, a Monroe College graduate sues her alma mater for the full cost of her four year tuition plus compensation for “stress” because, like so many other Americans right now, she can’t find a job.

Source:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/08/03/new.york.jobless.graduate/index.html