A website which has navigated the choppy waters of political debate in Northern Ireland could soon be turning its attentions to promoting peace on message boards throughout the world…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: ocean wave. The blog is also related to: indian ocean.

We look forward to sharing our stories with you, but a good conversation is never one-sided. We encourage you to offer your comments, ideas and questions and we’ll do our best to address them. But first, here are our guiding principles.

Business first
We will review all comments before posting them. Our editors will review and publish them as promptly as we can during regular weekday business hours. Keep in mind that our bloggers may not be available to reply to comments immediately because typically they’re all pretty busy keeping the wheels of commerce in motion.

Play nice
We all have our personal opinions and sometimes passions run high, but keep the conversation respectful. We won’t post profanity, defamatory comments or personal attacks.

Keep the channels clear
Upside is a forum to share stories and information about UPS. If you need us to address a customer service matter, we’ve got multiple ways for you to reach us. Just ask our resident Twitter team (@ThomasAtUPS or @MikeAtUPS), contact us through ups.com, or call us at 1-800-PICK-UPS (742-5877) and we’ll gladly help you there.

Likewise, if you’re a UPS employee and you have a work-related issue, contact the UPS Employee Helpline at 1-800-220-4126.

I don’t usually call out people’s comments, but this one was posted today to an older post that most people would miss. It was in response to my post, “Why are Christians afraid of atheists?“

I have no problem with people disagreeing with me on this blog and welcome all comments. It makes the discussion much more interesting. But it’s been a while since I’ve had a gem like this one. Enjoy.

From commenter “Lizzie“:

I’m not afraid of “Atheists”, they just annoy me. Everytime I meet one, they try to shove their Science down my throat. Therfore, naming them “Science Thumpers” and “butt hurt”. As you can see. >.>

Second of all, atheists say that were ignorant, because we don’t want to accept the so called, “proof”. Well guess what honey, we can say the same thing. Needless to say, atheists tend to act “all that”. I am a Christian because I believe there IS A God. I don’t care if the president disagrees, either.

I dont know where atheists get that they are all about “logic”. Because for me, it’s LOGICAL that God created this world. therfore, “logic” can mean differently, to different people. I appreciate Science, because it has helped find medicanes, etc. BUT I will not give Science the credit, for the creation of the world. Evolution is very ridiclious.

Atheists always main argument is WERE RATIONAL DAMIT. It makes them dillusional, not us christians. I’m gonna sum this up and say, Christians (as atheists try to make them) are not evil. We will stand up for whatever we believe, just like anyone else. Yeah sadly, they may call atheists EVIL, but atheists call christians BIBLE THUMPERS, And pathetic excuses for humans….yeah atheists aren’t all righteous, like they try to make themselves seem. Leading up to them being Butt hurt. Flat out butt hurt.

Question for Ass-theists, I mean atheists: why do you feel the need to put our beliefs down? Hmm?

I will continue to be a Christian. I don’t care what people think, they can rant all they want. Kthxbai.

I don’t know about you, but I’m convinced. Ending up butt hurt sounds pretty terrible to me.

For those of you not current on the terminology, DNFTT nstands for “Do Not Feed The Trolls.“

For my most recent commenters, (which have been removed) straight from Wikipedia:

TROLL

In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room or blog, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response^[1] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.^[2]

Selections from the comments section of Times Reporter David Rohde’s account of his kidnapping.

Wow! What a terrific experience!

Al Qaeda knows us much better than we know ourselves.

Listening to Peggy (“just keep walkin’ “) Noonan & George Will on This Week.

He worries about money, no matter what the issue is.

She’s just irritating with her chatter. Even as slowly as she speaks & the low level of her voice, she’s irritating.

A house,  in a desolate countryside, gets bombed by a plane.  The entire house is destroyed.  It is only discovered a month after the bomb fell.

As no one in the village most nearby  ( an hours drive) has seen what happened, rumors start.  They say the house had a rotten construction, so that must have been the cause of it to be destroyed.  Some one  set fire to the place afterwards, they claim. No, another one says, it was an explosion, caused by bad pipelines.

So the people who think it was the construction, come up with their evidence.  The material the house was built with, had been inferior.  The constructor was drunk.  The architect had a bad reputation. See?

But the pipelines were also in bad shape!  the others say. And the stove the man who once lived there had bought, was second hand.  Where did he buy it? Ah, that shop, that is suspicious.

Meanwhile, no one has a clue about the plane that bombed that house. Nor why.  Accident? This way they will never find out too.

I hope you understand what I am trying to say here.

Over a year there has been a lot of turmoil about a murder case in Florida, USA one of many murder cases in the US, mostly we don’t hear about any of them where I live, but this time the bloggers and even more so their commenters interfered on a gigantic scale. 

Why do commenters lash out to the suspect, the victims own mother?   Because they can, easy target.  Because they hate.  Because they love to hate.  Especially  when it is about a young, good looking  mother who loves to party.

Well,  that mother is now in jail and has been there for a long time, just because the prosecution  THINKS she did it.  No hard evidence to prove she did it, no witnesses whatsoever have been come up with.  The death penalty was discussed even, a penalty only used in countries without civilization.

Of course doing all that hating and judging is nonsense, as  a  person can’t be found guilty if there is no proof of the person doing the crime.  Ductape from the same roll was found on the remains of the body as well as on a gas container from the family, and it is an industrial sort of tape.   That must be the evidence they say.  But of course, a roll in the factory is split in hundreds of rolls. Every one could have bought it, used it, stolen from the Anthonys even. It is no evidence. 

Until now  there is no confession.  Speculations about what happened, suggestions the suspect made a game of the murder with clues and all,  are totally obscene and not needed . It says more about the people who make them, then about the girl in jail in my opinion. 

Frustration all along.  Her family was and is being trashed by so called civil people, with morals and standards.  Meanwhile, the girl had to mourn about her daughter  while she was  in jail and face death as a penalty for something she might not even have done.  And what do the blogger commenters say?  She looked ugly when she was  in court.  Wow. How would you look?

Well , guilty or not, I hope she can get her life together when all this is over, ( if she is found guilty, then I hope she will be treated normally, as a young inexperienced  mother who made a dreadful mistake and is paying for that, but with all this hatred there is now for her in that country, I doubt she will survive prison, ) and I hope she can start over. 

Why I think so? Because I am not better than others. Just human.  And as a human,  I think whom ever killed that poor little girl, might  still  be out there.  And no one cares. They have a suspect, haven’ t they? 

The truth is not important to them, just their satisfaction.  They will bend till the truth fits their goals.

Why do I want to let you know this? Because I was banned from a blog and this is the reason. Don’t worry, no we are no enemies 

I have nothing against the postings but I do have my problems with some of the comments that are being made.  I will state again I have nothing against journalism and trying to get the facts, but when  commenters  are just out to get to one family in a sort of medieval ordeal,  like when they are on  a witch hunt, I think I should (be allowed to) say something.

So I did. And that is all I have to say about that  as Forrest said.

...we hope you will enjoy the show!

So I just read what might possibly be one of the most misinformed comments I’ve read in a while. It ranks up there with all of the comments that tell me I’m making wicked mad dough from “selling out” and “being bribed” by developers.

So, on a Beatles: Rock Band review, someone had the audacity/idiocy to state that The Beatles are “a tired old band who would never survive today” and that their music “failed to influence any music in today’s generation.” (Search for MushroomStamp on that link, if you want to see the hilariousness.)

Like I said. People make me LOL.

Thus, another long & unproductive day of GEEK WEEK comes to a close.  My brain is adequately dulled by hours spent playing online 1. role-playing games, my naturally comely physique is suffering from a diet of sugar, powdered cheese, & food coloring, & I have very few pictures to show for it, since I only left my house for a trip to 7-11 & the comic store.  All in all, enormously fulfilling.

Our friend Trafford has suggested that I 2. include a banner of his own design on each of my geek week entries. Oh, all right!

Well, the highlight of my day was obviously reading fairy-tale themed pornography on the floor of ELFSAR, the best & only comic store I’ve ever been to.  You can read the whole episode on the post below.

Now the lovely banner is out of the way & we can proceed!

Before I got out of my bed, I lay in awhile longer.  I read some comic book pornography with the Chancellor.

The Chancellor is my favorite eunuch.

Sadly, it failed to impress.  Sorry, local artist!  There were hardly any pictures & I found the text obscene without being particularly titillating.  If you enjoy reading exuberantly filthy male fantasy, I’d recommend Nicholson Baker’s The Fermata instead.  I finished it a few weeks ago.  It’s about a temp who can freeze time & uses his powers to undress women.  Vulgar, very fun, & literary to boot. Though I can’t promise you won’t find it offensive.

I read some 3. Sandman last night, though, as per my orders. & I loved it!

ANYWAY.

This morning I was supposed to 4. go to the Vancouver Gaming Guild website to see if I could find someone to play a role-playing game with me tonight.  I went, but it didn’t look very busy.  Furthermore, I’d decided to take a commenter’s suggestion & do online role playing instead.  What can I say?  I’m a geek. I suffer from crippling social anxiety & self-diagnosed Asperger’s syndrome.

In the afternoon it was recommended that I 5. research role-playing games.  What a kind recommendation!  But I was too busy wiling away the hours on Facebook to get around to it.

I made some Kraft Dinner.  That’s a geek food, I think.  It was not as good as I remember it from my childhood.

I grow more attractive by the day!

Do you see my snake shirt?  It’s one of favorites.  I bought it for $5 at a store that was going out of business in Ann Arbor.  Normally it was at least 12 times more expensive!  I bought it because I a) liked the Biblical implications & b) TD is terrified of snakes.  But today I thought I should wear it because it is geeky.  I’m not sure why it’s geeky but I just have a feeling.

Then I was ready to shirk my errands.  In favor of a much more interesting errand that had occurred to me!

What is this errand, you cry? Tell us, Emily! (exploding with love for me)

Well, a lot of people want to send me things.  But I’m a lady, & I simply don’t give out my address to strangers on the internet.  It’s not because it’s not safe– I have a vicious dog, a formidable security system, & a wholly American love of heavy artillery, plus itchy trigger finger, balcony, large pots, easily-heated oil. But it’s not dignified to give out one’s address.

I was going to get a P.O. Box, but yesterday (while lying on the floor of Elfsar), I was struck with a brilliant idea.  Maybe Elfsar could be my post office!  Then I’d have an excuse to go back there periodically, despite an almost total lack of interest in comic books.  & it’s much more fun than picking up packages from a post office.  Then I have other people to delight in my spoils with me!  Also, the scenery is better.  I ran it by Ethan over email last night & this afternoon headed over.  I’m paying them about what I’d pay the post office & they’ll hold my packages for me.

ALSO, I’m going to record every package-receiving excursion.  Not in text… certainly not.  Nor in photographs — how old fashioned!  Video? Well that sounds tedious…

I’ll make little comic strips!  I like to be as multimedia as possible these days.  So anytime I get a package, you’ll see a little comic about it.  Rudimentary, perhaps.  But appropriate.

My mailing address is now:

Emily Zinnemann
C/O Elfsar Comics & Toys
1007 Hamilton Street
Vancouver, BC
CANADA V6B 5T4

I love this address as if it were my very own.

Send whatever you want, whenever you want, & I’ll make sure to incorporate it into the project somehow.  Of course, you should know you have no control over HOW I’ll incorporate it.

Anyway, I went down to Elfsar (laden with dog food) to see my new best friends.  Omar & Ethan! How I love you!  A man named Matheus was there too. I bought my package rights for three months plus a Coke.

The guys told me they’d checked the comments & some guy had written a really long one.  Let me guess. Ptolemy? Yeah!  (They had no trouble with his name, I’ll have you know).  They gave me the gist of it, told me it was a one act play, & I was struck with another brilliant idea. 

Did they want to act it out? They didn’t seem to want to, exactly, but this was no time to be coy!!

I raced home & fed the dog & got my computer & raced back!

Wow they were good.  They only took one take.  I kept messing up the end, however.

Results?

I think I speak for all of us when I say 6. QAPLA’!  Also, um, 7. maj’

Who knew geeks could be so handsome & talented?

As a sidenote, apparently Ben Trafford came by the store early this morning, seeking Omar for a duel of some sort.  Unfortunately for everyone, Omar wasn’t in.  Mr. Trafford is apparently a thin man with a pointed goatee!  He bought a Coke.  That’s all I know.

I left the store & headed to 7-11, where I bought 7. food traditionally associated with gaming [...] Nothing too fancy, and nothing that takes too much time to do. I was still very full from my awful KD, & rather at a loss.  But I hit upon it.  NERDS!  Obviously, those are associated with gaming.  I also picked up some Sour Whips (haha — whips) & a slurpee.  I think I should get extra geek points for mixing Coca-Cola & cream soda flavors.  So there’s my dinner.

Once home, I 8. Watched some Prisoner. A clip on YouTube where the guy shouts he’s Not a number! Very excited for real thing.

Then I 9. Went forth & gamed.

I looked around a little for free online RPG’s but nothing really struck my fancy.  Then I hit upon it.  I should google RPG’s for girls.  I found a lovely website full of girly games.

The first game I played was called “Get a Life.”  I found that appropriate. It was similar to my Janet-From-Sales idea.  I could do a few exciting things like “Beg for change from Mom” or “Sleep” or “Go to class.”  I spent a few minutes playing but I couldn’t figure out how to get my character’s Happiness score up.  Though I kept going to the bar to buy drinks, I kept going into negative Happiness points so I got bored & quit.  How eerily portentious.

Next I played “Tattoo Artist.”  I had to stay in the lines. Next!

“Perfect Wedding Cake” was much more fun.  It told me:

Get married is the most sweet and happy thing in one’s life.But a perfect wedding cake is isdispensable part for it.Give you this chance for making a sweet perfect cake to couple of lovers.Best wishes!

I created a beautiful concoction.  It had a live butterfly, a ballerina, pink roses, a teddy bear — the works!

Then I played a few more.  I made breakfast sandwiches to order, ran a little bakery, & also played “Octomom,” in which I was hired as Octomom’s nanny & I had to feed the babies whatever they wanted or they’d be taken away by social services.

But none of these seemed dangerously addictive.

Finally I hit upon FARM MANIA.  I’m might keep playing once I’m done with this post.  I have a little farm of my very own.  I’ve done so well that I have sheep & lettuce & two varieties of melon, also geese, two buckets, a double-sided hoe — wow, the works.

All I have left to do is 10. email my mother to tell her the gaming geeks didn’t eat me (of course not. All I’ve been doing is scaring off virtual rabbits) & 11. Read Sandman before bed.

If you think this is boring, blame GeekMaster Trafford — not me.  As if I have any control over all of this! I’ll spend the rest of this Friday night updating the tags on past entries, like a true Geek.

That’s right.  Tag, Virtual Farm, & Email.  For tomorrow I Goth.

& thus another long & strange day of being lived by The Bailey Sisters draws to a close!  I hardly know where to begin.  I could tell you where I end: on a pile of cushions underneath my mother’s dining room table.  But how did I get here?  Let me turn back the clock & lead you by hand.

I woke up this morning to Jess on the phone.  “I’ll be outside at nine!” she told me.

“Yes, of course!” I responded cheerily, reflexively hiding the fact that she’d just woken me up.  WHY was she calling me before 7:00am?  As I hung up I saw the time on my cell phone.  8:47!  So it looks like my alarm didn’t go off after all.

Somehow I made it out the door.  Bella was very excited that we were about to go on a long trip but her face when I reached the door & begin to leave without her nearly killed me!  I could hear her mournful wails in the elevator.  But Jess will have taken her for a walk tonight.

only destiny is awake

Stumbled into the car (I’ll buy Jess breakfast another day) & began the drive to the Horseshoe Bay Ferries.  Today I was supposed to travel with 1. the soundtrack provided by the Bailey sisters.  The soundtrack turned out to be silence.  & the occasional song + static on Jess’ car radio.  It’s ok.  It lent an air of reality to the whole thing.

Fortunately I made it.  Did Jess come with me?  No.  The Coin of Destiny had determined that I would 2. travel alone.  Travel alone I did, bleary-eyed & unbathed as any decent hobo.

Once on the ferry, I 3. flipped the Coin to see if I could have Coke for breakfast.  NO.  4. Coke with breakfast? YES!  Well, what do you know.

I 3. ate out on the ferry, not sure if I’d have a chance on the island.  There’s a photograph of the meal for evidence, but do you really want to see a picture of a tray of egg & toast?  The most exciting part is the big paper cup of Coca-Cola.  Boy does that stuff make my heart sing.

After a few bites of mystery meat & so forth, I headed to the top deck.  Where I pondered things.

i should be wearing a yellow pantsuit

Then I found a seat & (rather sheepishly) 4. consulted the I Ching to see which 5. Radio Lab podcast I should listen to.

sixteen going on seventeen

Well I got Hexagram 16 (Following) with the variable Hexagram 17 (Providing). The answer is clear, right?

“Choice.”  That’s what I listened to.  It was good & relevant in a way my notes on it aren’t.  It lasted just as long as the ferry ride.  Then I got off the ferry.

On the way up the gangplank or whatever it’s called I flipped the Coin again.

• Do you think because I’m in Nanaimo, the Nanaimo bars are extra good? (NO)

Eventually I encountered my mother, who greeted me by doing what she soon explained was 6. a goldfish dance.  Intriguing.  & very strange.   That wasn’t my plan for “goldfish” but it seemed to be destiny.  I decided to keep her goldfish dance as a back-up.

On the drive over, I faced a barrage of decisions.  Did I want to go horseback riding?  Which of the following seven restaurants did I want to eat at?  & what about Christmas plans? Did I want to drive a few hours for oysters?  Sit in the front seat?  So many decisions!  I politely refused to make any of them, & things calmed down a little.  Though accidental attempts to force me into decision-making did recur on occasion throughout the day.  If I flipped a coin for each of the options my mother gave me, I’d probably be floating in a hot air balloon somewhere over Mexico right now.

Just how do you think I got where I am today?

We ate out again.  At a pub.  For lunch.

Eventually, we arrived at my mother’s home.  She headed out with her husband to buy a trillion oysters & I, after coordinating some things for the project, (& seeing a friend’s post on facebook about a sick goldfish getting an injection at a fish hospital in India!) took the family station wagon out to 7. Qualicum to see the Free Spirit Spheres.

I traveled alone & in silence.  As specified by The Coin.  Oh I also had a 8. lighter in my pocket.

I got lost, but only a little.  Isn’t it nice out there?

HESITATE

That’s me turning around.

oh, bother

I eventually found the spheres but, as I suspected, no visitors without appointments.  My fault? No. 9. wasn’t allowed to make reservations so I wheeled back around.  But someday I’d like to go stay in those spheres.  They sound interesting.

Disappointed?  Remember what they tell you on inspirational posters.  It’s about the _______, not the ___________.

& this was a journey full of interesting private revelations.

On the way back I picked up a bottle of wine for dinner & remembered I had to flip for a 10. either/or directive set provided by one of my commenters.

I selected Ben Trafford’s, & ended up with HEADS.

why, kissing is gross?

I have to 11. tell you why I think kissing is gross.

I believe I said something to that effect on Twitter a long time ago?

Anyway, kissing is gross, I don’t just think it is.  The human mouth is absolutely filthy, much filthier than a dog’s mouth, & it’s a little strange that people like to put their mouths on each other’s mouths & lick each other’s tongues.  Did they always do that?  Before dental hygiene?  I certainly hope not.

I like to think they call it French kissing because the English didn’t do it at all until recently.

However, just because I think kissing is gross doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it on occasion.  You don’t kiss with your brain, you know.

Satisfied? Titillated? I wouldn’t be, but to each his own.  Next!

Several hours later, I was back in my mother’s home. On 12. the water.

not pictured: shoes, ships, sealing wax

She’d returned with an absolute bounty of oysters!   Five dozen, to be precise.  First, her husband put some on the grill.

(Cover your eyes, Ptolemy! I’m about to have a wholesome good time).

So I ate a barbecued one.  I hope you don’t get fired for looking at a picture of it:

oh dear.

Then I set to work shucking.  I’ve never done it before but I became very good very quickly!  I think I may have found my calling.  I only cut myself once.  I prised open an oyster & told it “HA! Serves you right for being an oyster.”  & then it cut my hand.  I was very proud of it.

gluttony is its own reward

The oyster, not my hand.

I asked the coin if I should pick one of these three to release into the wild.

tails. sorry guys.

So I ate 36 oysters.  A dozen for each Bailey sister.  Proud?

& then tucked into a dinner of steak.

I flipped The Coin periodically throughout the day in several minor, uninteresting situations.  Eg., on the theme of steak “Should I put Tabasco on?” So you get the point.

After dinner, we explored the obedience of the dog by balancing meat on his paws & cheese on his head.

there's got to be more than this

Then it was time to 13. Go camping.

The video is rather long, but full of voyeuristic delights. & I think you should see the kind of ingenuity that runs in the family.

After my tent was set up, I went for a walk along the ocean.

As for my date tomorrow? I’m flipping now.

• no makeup
• indoor
• pants
• hair down
• booze
• smoke
• don’t talk about project
• goldfish

As for Vancouver, should I go back in the morning or afternoon? (MORNING.  noooooooo.)

Once I’m done with this entry, I’ll go to the water again.  I’m supposed to do something involving a 14. poem, I believe.  I’ll attempt to write out there.  But if that fails, I’ll recite something.

Then? To bed:

q. did you hear about the fire at the circus? a. it was in tents

You know what? I’m having trouble concentrating.  You know why?  My 1. house is a mess. You know why my house is a mess?  Because I 2. flipped a coin which determined it would be so.

You know why I flipped a coin? Because I’m being lived by the Bailey sisters.  You know why the coin said my house would be a mess?  Because I selected commenter Suzanne’s either/or proposition: 3. heads: clean/tails: slob.  Today I’m a slob.

The table is covered in empty beer bottles, soda cans, scraps of paper, plastic cups full of scraps… of plastic, & empty containers of breath mints & fish eggs.

I'm in a mood again.

I took a picture & I’d post, but it’s too humiliating.  As if, friends, I haven’t suffered enough indignity!

Keep your either/or propositions coming.  Through Wednesday, anything is fair game.

Back to the matter at hand.  The day’s directives.

Today I was to 4. toss The Coin of Destiny to determine small decisions & 5. consult the I Ching to determine big ones.  This is old hat by now & I did not keep track of each of the many, many minor decisions I made today.  The remembered ones will turn up, now & then, over the course of the post.   The forgotten ones are forgotten (or unspoken) for good.  But suffice to say they’ve certainly shaped my destiny.

Shortly after waking (flipping the coin for a series of mundane decisions) I made plans for tonight’s 6. date.  Answers (those previously determined in parentheses)?

• makeup
• (nighttime)
• outdoor
• pants
• hair up
• no booze
• smoke
• don’t talk about project
• goldfish

Then I arose for the day.  I 7. consulted the I Ching to divine the answer to the question “What should guide me today?”

I got hexagram 64 (Not Yet Fording / Before Completion) with the alternate 32 (Persevering / Duration).   Themes included incomplete transition from disorder to order, necessity of “helpers,” drinking with moderation, cusp of new era, marriage, & the lines “what endures is the unswerving directive, the inner law of his being, which determines all his actions.”  Right.  Of course.

Obviously, I was intended to listen to Radio Lab’s 8. “Stochasticity” podcast.  After a double espresso & plenty of procrastination, that’s just what I did.

Notes?

• “If you don’t see past yourself you fall prey to superstition”
• “We have to be careful not to find meaning here when in fact it’s just coincidence”
• “On the subject of predictability, humans & coins are similar”
• “At the very moment you think you’re hottest you’re actually freezing cold”
• “Pattern rules the brain”
• “One of the best things about gambling is that you can do it by yourself”
• dopamine & pattern finding — “this is how your brain makes sense of reality”
• “The noise is filtering itself”
• The blog is the organizing principle keeping me sane — should I stop writing it?

It was very informative.  I won lots of solitaire too.  I 9. Asked the coin for details for my Monday trip to Qualicum. Answers?

• travel solo
• with Bailey Sisters soundtrack
• camp
• eat out
• lighter (not matches)
• water (not earth)
• poem (not short story)
• no reservations
• goldfish

So that’s settled.  I had a few more questions. 10. Should I write to the Radio Lab people (NO). Should I 11. Make a video? (NO). Then I asked 12. Should I go shopping?  (YES). I procrastinated some more.

Went shopping, coin-guided.  I 13. Called my father on the way & purchased 14. The shoes the Coin told me to & didn’t buy the sweater it told me not to.  The coin was wrong, however.  Shoes are strange & too small.  I will return them tomorrow on my day off & buy the sweater I wanted all along (forbidden by coin).

Soon it was time for 15. Date #2.  I had Simon (of Week 3 fame) as my ally.  He picked me up around 8:00 (I was wearing 16. make-up & 17. pants, 18. hair up) for our outdoor, goldfish-including date.  He greeted me with a bowl of 27 19. goldfish (three to the third, I believe! Correct me if I’m wrong, but if so, appropriate)

Cause they're so delicious

We headed out to release them in the pond near our very first “date.”  One of them was dead already, sadly.  But we thought maybe the fresh pondwater would revive him.  Before you ask, yes.  These are the sort of goldfish that you’re supposed to put in ponds.

From here, proceed left

We released the goldfish into a little pond.  I feel very bad because I think I killed some in the process.  But most of them swam off very happily.  Bats flew above them & some nearby nudists conducted some full moon ritual in the ocean nearby.

We went for a short walk. We 20. Didn’t discuss the project.

Then we headed back into the city proper.  We had dinner reservations & some time to kill, but a 21. no booze restriction!  Did have to 22. smoke however.  Went to a hookah bar.

How does THIS thing work?

Simon was curious about Fate & it’s workings as well.  He wanted to know if he should buy a new raincoat.  He decided to flip The Coin of Destiny to determine his answer.

Well, it's very expensive, but...

Coin said? Worth it.

Puff the Magic Dragon approves.

TD called while I was in the hookah bar.  “Why did you go to a hooker bar on a date?” he asked.  Ha.  I enunciated each word clearly.  Oh.  Who was I with? Simon!  He remembered Simon.

“The balloons!  Magical.”

Yes, everything is magical.

Then we had to race to make our dinner reservation.

We ended up at a very nice French restaurant.  STARVED.  So it was perfect.

No booze! No booze!  We struggled with this.  But wasn’t our date over?  After all, we were indoors & all tasks were accomplished… let the Coin of Destiny do the talking?

Date? Over!

So from then on we enjoyed a real post-date dinner as friends.  Booze included, & as much talking about the project as we desired.  After all, this was our six week anniversary!  Simon & I only see each other infrequently, so this allowed us some much-needed catching up.  I’ll have you know, however, that during the two hours project-talk was verboten, we had plenty to talk about regardless.  Wrinkle-mouthed bats, for one thing.

Dinner was delicious.  Escargot! Steak frites! All reasonably priced.  &  well-earned bottle of wine to top things off.

A ______ at the end of the __________

After dinner, headed to a local bar.

Just checked my pockets to flip The Coin to determine an answer to a very pressing question.  Well, I’m absolutely broken up.  I can’t find it anywhere.  I even went outside & looked around.  How could I have lost The Coin of Destiny? This is extremely troubling, as I’ve come to rely on it.  So much that I intended to carry it around with me forever.

I can’t tell you if I’ll find it.  I certainly hope I do.  At the same time, it seems unlikely.  If I don’t encounter the coin in my searching, I may only presume that it’s destiny of another nature & I’ll substitute another.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Tomorrow is my day off. The next time you hear from me, I’ll be speaking to you from Qualicum.

WHERE IS MY COIN?

.

.

.

FOUND IT!!

As for my question:

Should I begin asking my readers a daily question?

NO.

Well, it serves you all right for commenting so infrequently.

What an awfully long day.  I hardly know where to begin!  My feet, yes, are aching from walking all over the city in heels, but physical pain is easy to transcend.  I am, however, psychologically & intellectually exhausted.  I’ve been ON from the moment I woke up. Already I’m… seeing stars?

Where shall we start? Where shall we– star!

Try not to star

I suppose that now is a good time to tell you that today I have a 1. STARRING problem. The Coin of Destiny has decided that each day I’ll let one of my commenters provide me with an either/or directive.  I select my favorite directive set & then 2. flip the Coin to determine which directive I follow.

This time round, facing stiff competition I might add, Magali won!  I was to either 3. have a starring problem or a woopie cushion & the sense of humor of a three year old.  Well, I found the starring problem very fascinating.  I believe she MEANT staring, but that’s not what she said.  I 4. flipped & found myself with a serious starring problem.  Just look at the comments on below entry for proof!

By now, with several comment responses & a few emails behind me, I have my starring problem somewhat under control.  You should see at least one instance of starring in each of the following paragraphs, but I am stifling the urge to pepper everything liberally with asterisks.  Not that it doesn’t take an awful amount of self-control!

Today I woke up, as one does.  I did some serious coin-flipping.  If your future is written in the stars, well, the Coin of Destiny was my direct link to them.

• Should I return library books & mail things today? (YES)
• Should I do it before or after coffee & 5. podcast (Tails: AFTER)
• Should I watch the rest of the movie tonight after blog, or earlier in the day? (Heads: AFTER)
• Should I stay out of Ptolemy/Allyson clash? (YES)
• Should I shower now or later? (Tails: LATER)
• Before or after chores? (Tails: AFTER)
• Should I get out on the other side of the bed today? (NO)

& thus I got out of bed, starry-eyed at prospect of day ahead.

I 6. Consulted the I Ching to see which Radio Lab podcast I should listen to today. I got Hexagram 49: SKINNING (open surface, interaction, free, responsive, unhindered mouth; joy, radiance, burning, brightness, congregation [as of stars]).  It seemed pretty clear that I should listen to 7. “Emergence.” Glad I did.

Skipped downstairs to pick up coffee (coins in my coin purse bright as stars) then headed back up to podcast myself into oblivion, or its reverse.

Played solitaire as I listened. I’m a true star when it comes to solitaire.  I win at least three games for every two that I lose.  I must conclude that the stars are, in solitaire — as in everything else — on my side.  So appropriate for the theme of the podcast too.  I sat sipping my espresso & clicking away at the seemingly random cards, occasionally sacrificing my score in the timed games to take the notes you’ll see below:

• “order materializes out of nothing”
• E.O. Wilson writing name in ants
• “every time it happens it happens by accident [...] error is architecture”
• “local unplanned decisions add up into macro-unit that has a personality”
• you’re looking at an author? vs. empty of purpose. which?
• emergence = science of “how many stupid things can add up to something smart”
• jellybean guessing!! — is this why voting makes sense? [apparently, if you get a roomful of people to guess the number of jellybeans in a jar, the averaged number of their guesses is typically unusually close to the actual number-- much closer than any individual guess.  This was discovered by a pioneer of the eugenics movement. Forget which one]
• “to see the world as a coherent thing is a miracle”
• is there a conducter?

Few facts are included in my notes, as it’s the facts I remember most easily.   The ideas of others, however, I have to write down.   If you want the facts (&, I assure you, the facts are interesting ones!) I encourage you to download the podcast yourself.  It’s free on iTunes.   Anyway, do you see a pattern materializing in my notes?  Can you read my dreams & anxieties therin? Does the apparently arbitrary pattern seem appropriate?  Is there an order materializing “out of nothing”?  Commenters, consider.  Work for that daily gold star.

Paused here last night. It's been on my screen all day.

It was then time to head out for my chores.  Didn’t exactly want to, but who am I to rail against the stars?

I went to the library to return some books.  I also needed to mail things to Allyson & her friends/family, as required by Week 8.  First, the library.  It was nice to be there.  I’ve been in school for the last 22 years (with only one exception).  Everyone else is heading back to school & I miss the gold stars & pencil cases of my youth.  I put my books on the conveyor belt & felt wraught with indecision.  A flurry of 8. Coin-governed decisions followed:

• Should I get another book while here? (YES)
• Poetry or fiction? (FICTION)
• Male or female author? (FEMALE)
• Someone I’ve read before? (YES)
• American or no? (NO)
• Margaret Drabble or Iris Murdoch? (MARGARET DRABBLE)
• Gates of Ivory? (YES)

So there you have it.

Then I 9. asked the Coin

• Should I get a drink here? (NO)
• Big post office or little post office? (BIG)

so I tripped down the sidewalk as if walking on stars.  Signed up for ZipCar on the way.  Then headed towards the post office.  Nothing can stop the swift completion of my appointed rounds!

All of this fate made me thirsty! I 10 asked:

• NOW can I get a slurpee? (NO)
• Something else to drink? (NO)
• Can I get a slurpee when I get to the 7-11? (NO)
• After I’m inside the 7-11? (NO)
• Something else? (YES)

Well, finally!  I went to the 7-11 in a sulk, where oh em gee.  The gods knew more than I did.  The slurpee machine was under repair!  Alas for my star-crossed lover (the slurpee).  But it wasn’t too late for me.  I got a coke.

Once home, I 11. Consulted the I Ching very seriously to see where I should go for Monday’s trip. Insert star for some reason.

Quest question 1.

This was a long, drawn-out process that required several questions.  I do not want to reveal the hexagrams I got for each question, as they veer a little too close to home.  Suffice to say, it’s not uncomplicated.  & the hexagrams recurred with shocking frequency! Many reappeared more than twice.  But I got my answer, after asking the following:

• Should I go to Qualicum on Monday?
• What will it be like if I go Monday, specifically?
• Is it the best option?
• What would a different trip look like?
• Is it foolish to go to Qualicum instead of elsewhere?
• What good will come of me going?

It may not be the happiest option, but I believe it is the best.  It seems to be in the stars for me at least.  I’ll determine the details of the trip a little later.  All this had me very contemplative.

I took my long awaited shower. (I sang songs about stars).

Then I 12. Let the Coin of Destiny determine the details of tonight’s date. It told me:

• wear makeup
• & skirt
• put my hair up
• drink booze
• smoke
• don’t talk about the project
• no goldfish

I accomplished everything like the star I am (soon to be).

Met my new friend Brendan for coffee.  Arrived on time (13. nighttime) & observed him from a distance.  Was it him?  I 14. flipped the Coin of Destiny. YES.  Introduced myself.  Told him I couldn’t talk about my you-know-what (I’m a real star with the [lack of] fine print!).

After chatting for awhile, we went for a walk along the sea wall.  & then to Chinatown, where 15. The Coin told me we should go to a bar before going to the market.  Gold star for me & my multi-tasking.

I'm pondering just what you're pondering

We went to a bar (16. indoors, of course) where Brendan used to work as a barback. We walked through the very dangerous East Side.  It’s a good thing I’m such a trusting person & that Brendan is a man of an not-to-be-named-but-honest line of work, as I could’ve certainly ended up hacked to pieces in a ditch somewhere.  At the bar, we got in without cover because Brendan is so popular around town.  A VERY LOUD band was playing.  It felt like stars were exploding in my ears.  I could almost see stars circling around my head, as in an old time cartoon.  I have a picture of the bar, but it’s not any good.  We left after one beer.

On the walk back, feet blistering, we went through the market. What fun!  I got some sticky rice (my first meal of the day!) & STAR STICKERS!  Perfect for my starring problem.

Brassieres not included

Then we started the long walk home, my blisters near (not to be too graphic) the breaking point.  Well, mission accomplished?  I flipped 17. The Coin of Destiny to see if the date was over.  It was!  So now I was allowed to talk about the project.  & I did.

Our starry (k)night

We stopped at another bar where I compensated Brendan for the beer he’d bought me on our date by buying one for him.  He saw lots of people he knows.  He’s a real star in this town.

I’m done with/for today now.  All I have left to do is watch the rest of Scenes of a Marriage.  I’d normally go to bed but the coin doesn’t see that in store for me.  In star for me.

Bella & the Chancellor are cuddling in the corner, though Chance occasionally takes off to chase a ladybug hovering around one of the light fixtures.  Did you know that when I lived in Michigan my house was periodically infested by ladybugs?  & do you think Bella & the Chancellor know that they’re stars on the internet?

Speaking of the internet, stats are slipping & I’m not happy about it.  It’s not a top priority of mine (as I obviously have a lot of other things to take up my time), but it does make it easier to get through the day when I know there are thousands (& not paltry hundreds) of people rooting for (or against) me.  Remember, gold stars equal presents when the year comes to a close.  & this week (perhaps this week only!) you commenters get a hand in my fate!  Comment with either/or’s & I’ll incorporate one of my favorites into the following days.

What's in (y)our stars?

Thus concludes another day (in the life) lived by the Bailey Sisters, starring Emily Zinnemann.  It’s raining now.  When it comes to a walk, the dog will have to wait.  She seems happy to(o).

Yes, you guessed it, the Daily Mail still won’t stop banging on about rubbish collection. This is the latest in their “middle-class wheelie-bin revolution” series and, as usual, the commenters are certain whose to blame for this latest ‘PC gone mad’ outrage:

Now I’m not sure whether the other Daily Mail Online readers who voted this comment up felt sorry for Arthur, or just saw “collect rubbish every-day” and “Libor joke” and decided to ignore the fact that what Arthur had bashed out on his keyboard made absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. At this point, I do also feel the need to point out that the council in question, Warwick District Council, is currently controlled by the Conservatives.

Meanwhile, ‘law-abiding citizen’ had this to add:

Hmmm. If they do, it’s probably the same one you and Arthur went to.

Very, VERY sleepy!  This is my first day of being lived by The Bailey Sisters/I Ching & it’s not even over!  Thankfully, the Coin of Destiny told me I could take a break from watching my movie to write this blog.  So here I am.

Today, I began a week based solely on chance.  Large decisions are to be decided by the I Ching (trans. Rudolf Ritsema & Shantena Augusto Abbadini) & small decisions by the Coin of Destiny provided by the Baileys.  Already this year I have surrendered my life to chance– this is only highlighted by the open-ended nature of the Baileys’ assignment(s) for me!

As soon as I awoke, I flipped the Coin of Destiny to decide what I should do.

The Coin of Destiny has spoken

1. Heads, I get up. Tails, I stay in bed & read I Ching.

Tails.  I read the introduction.  Then I asked my trusty oracle if I should 2. (Heads) get up or (Tails) go back to sleep.  Tails. I went back to sleep.

Slept for a VERY long time.  Until 1:00, nearly!  But I was still recovering from last night’s dinner party.  Eventually I got out of bed.  I then 3. Consulted the I Ching to determine what the best days for (a) travel (b) gambling & (c) dating are.

The I Ching is rather complicated & I’m not sure how well I can explain it here.  I won’t attempt to explain the process.  Suffice to say, I flip three provided pennies six times &, using some simple calculations, divine my answers to the questions posed.

The first question I asked was 4. when I should go to the casino.  Is Tuesday the best day?  I was presented with Hexagram 6: arguing, conformity, pitfalls, etc.  That didn’t sound good!  Is Wednesday the best day?  Hexagram 34, “The Great’s Vigor” seemed to suggest so.  It suggested that Harvesting & Trial were central motifs.  So I’ll go with Wednesday.

I then asked if Monday was the 5. best day for travel.  I was presented with Hexagram 2 (Space: Spring, growing, harvesting; trial belonging to the female [horse]; directed going; beforehand delusion, afterwards acquiring; Western South: acquiring partnering; Eastern North: losing partnering; Peaceful Trial: significant) with the variable Hexagram 16 (Providing; Harvesting: installing feudatories, moving legions).  There were also other images & signs associated with each hexagram (& the variable lines).  I took this as a positive & will travel (where?) on Monday.

Then I asked how today would be (The Great Possessing! Spring, growing).  Friday (conjunction [esp. of thighs!], repenting, holding onto one’s following [hint, hint]; providing, trial, lateness, procrastination)? Saturday (conjunction: purpose located outside, yielding not harmful; Great’s Vigor: vigor, discipline, pitfalls, significant trial, versatility, losing the goat?!)? Tuesday (The Radiance: harvesting, trial, growing, female, significant).  I concluded that 6. Friday, Saturday, & Tuesday would be the most “auspicious” days for dating.

Some of the day's notes

Now to 7. create a profile on plentyoffish.com.  I’ve never used a dating website before.  One out of two of the Canadians I know, however, seem to swear by this place.  I 8. Flipped the Coin of Destiny to determine if I should create a fake profile or a real one.  Tails. I made a real one.

How could you say no to this face?

I created a profile under the name “publicemily.”  Very clever, if I do say so myself.

Here’s what my profile says (though if you’re already on plenty of fish you can check it out for yourself):

I’ve never had an online profile before but I’ve been ordered to set one up by this week’s puppetmasters!

I just moved to Vancouver in July. I’m easygoing, well-read & up for anything (except boredom & violence). I have a big dog, a dark sense of humor & a taste for old movies. I like wearing dresses & drinking whiskey &/or champagne. Into fine dining (on a modest budget), blackberry picking, & OF COURSE long walks on the beach!

I get along with anyone who is relaxed & confident. You don’t even need a sense of humor.

I’m a card-carrying writer who is spending the year being lived by other people. I’m only on Week 9 but it’s taken me lots of interesting places so far… Mormon churches, wheelchairs, the stands of Lions’ games. But the best is yet to come.

This week, three sisters have given me the order to use the I Ching to govern all my major decisions & the flip of a coin to determine the minor ones. They had me set up this profile, & I’m supposed to go on three dates, with three different men! I used the I Ching to determine the best days for these dates, & they are: Friday, Sept. 4; Saturday, Sept. 5; & Tuesday, Sept. 8. That’s where your help comes in!

[EDIT: Found my dates! That was fast. But this profile will remain up until my week ends next Wednesday, just in case anyone wants to attempt to sweep me off my feet.]

My schedule is very open as this project is my work for the year. So if you’re free on one of the above days & I like the cut of your jib, let’s get together for some casual fun! I don’t have use of my car at present, so I’d like to stick close to downtown if possible.

If things go well, I might even give you a week! If you like, you can see more about the project at livedby.com

I tried to make it at least moderately enticing.  It seemed to work!  I have a date for tomorrow (he contacted me) & one for Tuesday (I contacted him).  I’m also going on a “date” with Simon on Saturday.  So there’s a good variety there.  I also got other requests! Be still my ego. I’ll leave the profile up till the end of the week.

Fate is great.

I was supposed to 9. flip the Coin of Destiny to determine whether my dates would take place at day or night. Most of the flipping I’ll leave to the day of, as I like to save things for the last minute.  But for practical reasons I flipped for the times today.  Tails every time, for night.  By now I was beginning to think the coin was weighted.

I also 10. flipped to see if my Friday & Tuesday dates would take place indoors or outdoors.  Results? Indoors for both.

What fun.  Then I 11. consulted the Coin for several other things. Heads is always yes, in my book. Tails, no.

• Should I Skype Andrew (NO)
• Should I call Jess (NO)
• Should I call Kyla (YES)– so the coin isn’t weighted.  But she wasn’t in.

Meanwhile, Bella decided she wanted to lie outside on the balcony for several hours.

At first I thought she was dying, but she just wanted some sun.

Then there were more things to be decided.

• Heads: Take out; Tails: Cook (HEADS)
• Heads: French fries; Tails: Something healthier (HEADS) — why, whenever I let God into my life, does he tell me to eat french fries?
• Are my fingernails too long? (YES)
• Should I cut them? (YES)
• Right now? (NO)
• Should I put on make-up? (NO)
• Should I change my profile picture on Facebook because Ptolemy made fun of it? (NO)

I headed out for some french fries.

• Should I go (back to that shop window I passed) & look at those boots? (YES) — I didn’t like them as much as I thought
• Should I start wearing an anklet in an attempt to bring the anklet back? (NO)

It’s nice having this coin.  I don’t know what I’ll do without it!

Probably contract fewer communicable diseases.

Once at home, I consulted the coin once more.  Should I

• Heads: Stay in & watch Scenes of a Marriage or Tails: Go out for a movie (HEADS)

So that was settled.  I was also supposed to 11. listen to a Radio Lab podcast to be determined through divination. I consulted the I Ching.  It presented me with the primary Hexagram 41 (Diminishing), 14 (The Great Possessing) as a secondary.  Both had a lot of interesting things to say, but both emphasized the significance of spring.  I decided my podcast would have to be made in the spring.  That left me with the options of “Time,” “Where I Am,” & “Stochastisity.” I determined that “Where I Am” would be the best option, as one of the hexagrams had, as a central image “three people moving.”

Should I listen to the podcast before or after the movie?  12. I flipped– heads.  I’d listen before.

Time for the liquor store, I thought.  13. Heads: beer, Tails: wine.  I flipped tails.  Disappointment!  Poured a sip of wine into a mug.

14. NOW can I buy some beer? (Yes)

Went to the liquor store, where the 15. Coin of Destiny selected a Granville Island IPA.

Then I headed back home where I 15. listened to the day’s podcast while playing some computer solitaire.  It fascinated me for all the right reasons, but now I’m drowsy & can’t articulate anything.  The central theme was the relationship of the brain to the body.  It was very elucidating.

If you're a Chosen Person you can balance a large coin on the bridge of your nose, directly over 3rd eye. Thanks, G-d!

Then I started my movie.  Very good so far.  I also had an idea.  During the movie, I 16. Asked the Coin of Destiny if it would be a good idea to let my commenters in on this week’s game of chance. YES.

This week (& this week only!) commenters may propose, each day, an either/or activity for me.  I will select my favorite proposal from the comments, flip The Coin &– according to the answer (heads for option 1, tails for option 2)– I will perform the proposed task.  It’s best if you keep the day’s schedule in mind– nothing too time-consuming or difficult to execute.  But that’s not to say it can’t be psychologically significant– it can be a large over-arching task that I may work into the day’s directives (eg., wear a hat all day, speak without adverbs, smile at every person I see etc.)  Get to work, worker bees!

Then I continued to watch the film.  I paused right after Johan told his wife he was leaving her.  I had a question.  17. Should I pause to take the dog for a walk & write my blog? (YES).

So I took herself out for her nightly constitutional.

Witness a dog who grew up in elevators.

Now I’m back.  & it’s time to finish the movie.

This has been a fun & rather relaxing day so far.  I have always possessed the blessed combination of indecisiveness & superstition, so living according to chance has, thus far, been liberating rather than challenging for me.  Also, this is the first week in AGES where I don’t have to post practically everything that I eat.  That has been an absolute joy.

Tomorrow I’ll have my first date & determine, using the I Ching, where I will travel on Monday.  Stay tuned, friends.  & if any of you have other translations of the I Ching & would like to offer alternate readings/guidance, I welcome it.  This particular translation is somewhat difficult to interpret.

It’s likely I will fall unconscious on the couch attempting to watch the rest of this very long film.  But– you must know how this is– I want to see what happens.

Well, here we are.  Did you miss me? I’ve missed you terribly.

Yesterday was my day off.  I spent most of it in bed, gravely ill.  In fact, I thought I had tuberculosis, as I was coughing up blood.  But today I’m practically back to normal.  A little feverish, a few sniffles.  But certainly no coughing-of-blood.  What a relief.

Today, I was back in a wheelchair, as this week’s schedule requires.  I stayed in bed until shortly before noon, milking my illness as much as possible.  Then I arose & 1. took a shower.  It’s an uncomfortable affair these days, as I must transfer myself out of a wheelchair & onto the edge of the tub, then from the tub’s edge to a little stool.  Then I must shower seated upright with only a little shower nozzle for my companion.  I soaped up quickly then got out!

I was also supposed to 2. prep dinner from a specified recipe.

You'll have to make do with an awkward self-pic.

The recipe was for a “vegetable bake” from some British healthy foods cookbook.  I’ll admit, it was extremely bland.  Basically: tomatoes, oregano, zucchini (“courgette”), eggplant (“aubergine”), onions, mozzarella, & a shockingly minimal amount of garlic (three cloves).  Prepping took much longer than it would normally, however.  So I’m glad the recipe, if uninspiring, was easy. Some of the cleanup I will actually have to leave for Wednesday!

The fruit flies, already having a little party above the empty wine bottles in my sink (some of them [the flies] quite purple by now), will be ecstatic for the next few days.

As I cooked, I 3. Listened to Music for Egon Schiele, by Rachel’s. Not my sort of thing, but it lent the preparations for dinner a somber air that I quite appreciated.

Kyla wants to “control my senses” this week & so far it has certainly worked. Strange perfume!  Unfamiliar music!  New foods!  Not to mention no real use of my legs.

During this time, the girl (excuse me, woman) who was supposed to accompany me for my tasks tomorrow suddenly bailed.  Panic!  There’s no way I’d be able to accomplish anything alone.  Fortunately, I posted a desperate plea on facebook, & I’ve found someone.  All it will cost me is $50, lunch, & my dignity.  But that’s better than failure by far.

Shall we dance?

I still needed to 4. Take Bella for a walk as I have learned to in a wheelchair. Walking her myself in a wheelchair, I’ve learned, is nearly impossible.  Much better to get her estranged father over for a little custody visit.  He showed up with Shannon & they took her out for an hour.  Meanwhile, I wandered around YouTube, expanding my horizons.

Some of my horizon-expanding entailed watching old Peter Cook & Dudley Moore clips.  The original Bedazzled is one of the most highly underrated films of all time.  Perhaps it resonates more deeply with me lately because of this project?  But I encourage each of you to rent & watch immediately.  Am I George or Stanley?  I want your thoughts.

Speaking of YouTube, I find it intriguing that “Putting Away Groceries in a Wheelchair” has already reached well over 1,000 views– by far more views than any of my videos has yet enjoyed, including Meg Tilly’s famous Week 1 address.  I can’t imagine why this is. Can you?  I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Then I 5. Made dinner and 6. Read excerpts from Mee’s A Nearly Normal Life while the food was in the oven.  Then I 7. Welcomed guests (Kyla & her fiancee).  I also 8. Made conversation.

We ate the bland dinner that I had prepared, then proceeded to more enjoyable things.  Like discussions about horror, torture, & suffering around the world.

Kyla & I, making up for the technical failures that prevented her first video from reaching you, also made a nice little film for you all.

At some point, our conversation was supposed to 9. lead to stereotypes and myths of the disabled without seeming contrived. I realized this hadn’t happened & said, quite naturally, “Have you noticed that I haven’t led the conversation to stereotypes of the disabled without seeming contrived?”  Well, I’ll count that as a dodgy success.  But I’ll put it in my failure book just in case.

Now, all I have left to do is: 10. Lie in bed and contemplate my last few days for at least 10 minutes.

I’ll accomplish that no sweat unless I fall asleep first!

But here’s where I need your help: my participant for Week 7 is very late with his schedule.  He has, however, promised to get it in by tomorrow.  A new clause allows me to take one day off for each day the schedule is late.  So next week I have the chance of having a three day weekend.  Somehow, this doesn’t rest easy with me– though I’d welcome the time off, three whole days on my own seems like an awful lot. Still, the psychological demands of this project are enormous, & a day & a half is not always adequate time to prepare.

I thought I’d leave it up to commenter vote.  Should I get an extra two days off?  Or only one?  None?  Or should I get my two days off but blog about them as usual?  Please leave your response in the comments.  YOU, friends, will determine my fate.

I will accept it uncomplainingly, whatever the outcome.

Now, onward!

Today was my first day in a wheelchair! I’m currently on hour four.

I took a long time accomplishing the day’s directives.  Knowing I had a lot to do, I stayed in bed for a long time, almost till noon.  I felt I needed to conserve as much energy as possible.

I did my directives out of order.  But that’s just how I roll.

When I eventually got up, I 1. Wandered around making sure things were at a reachable height & made my home more accessible (took my plates out of the cupboards, removed a shelf from my fridge, cleared space in my closet, etc.) ran some errands (bought household staples: dog food & whiskey), then went out in the rain to 2. Get a chair to use in my shower for the week. I don’t have use of my car, so there was only one store option.  Thankfully, though I did not find a chair under $100 (?!) they did have a little vanity stool.  I have full use of my upper body so I figured that would do.

Then I 3. Took Bella for a half hour walk. Ten minutes of that was her standing resolutely on a patch of sidewalk staring into traffic.  Neither of us were really feeling it.

I'm not a trained monkey.

With the “walk” done, I headed to Kyla’s, full of nervous anticipation.

After chatting a bit about the project, gossiping about the commenters, & handing over the week’s texts (Kyla is, by the way, a model participant.  Not only has she provided a wheelchair for my use, she has thoughtfully procured the week’s required books, & will provide stickers & postcards for assignments later in the week.  Take a page from her book, slackers!)

We also tried– & failed– to upload her video to YouTube.  For some reason the file is enormous & we can’t figure out how to compress it.  Maybe she’ll make videos on my trusty little MacBook later this week.  At present, you’ll have to do with a video from me.  Keep reading.  It’s a little further down.

From then on it was all business.  4. I got into the wheelchair I will be in until Sunday morning.  She showed me how to transfer myself onto a sofa without using my legs.  We didn’t know how I’d get into my bed… it’s almost chest height when I’m standing up.  Eventually we decided that I would just use my legs as little as possible when climbing into it.  But that didn’t seem right!

There was also the problem of the shower.  I soon realized, once I experienced the exertion of getting onto a sofa, that there was no way I could navigate over a five inch ledge from a wheelchair onto a rickety little stool without cracking my head into pieces.  It took some brainstorming, but we’ve got it!

I have a bathtub with a flat square edge & a detachable shower nozzle.  I could put the stool in the bathtub.  Then, when I needed to shower, I could transfer from the wheelchair to the tub’s edge & then to the stool.  I was happy!  It feels good to figure things out.

That’s one of the things I’ve been thinking today– a lot of people are talking about how difficult this week is (like they talk about how difficult every other week is), but what they don’t seem to realize is that with the completion of every task comes an extraordinary sense of accomplishment.  Many people spend their lives trying to avoid challenges, when, in fact, facing challenges is one of the most rewarding parts of life.  It’s a cliche, but a cliche to live by.

It may be difficult to live one’s life for a year according to arbitrary directives, & it is certainly much more difficult to live with a  permanent spinal cord injury, but there is a real pleasure in having problems– the pleasure of figuring them out.  I discussed this with Kyla & she concurs. I believe the Mormons, scientologists, athletes, & other exceptional individuals I’ve encountered in the past month & a half would all agree.

Honestly, & perhaps this is premature as I’m only beginning Week 6, I feel that my mood is best during the hardest weeks.

As a sidenote, I’ve noticed the following general pattern in my temperament:

• THURSDAY: methodical, meditative
• FRIDAY: manic, delirious
• SATURDAY: essentially normal
• SUNDAY: total hibernation
• MONDAY: happy, at home in schedule
• TUESDAY: irritable– very
• WEDNESDAY: bored & lazy

Weird, right?

Facing things

I still had to 5. go grocery shopping (without leaving the chair, obviously).

I headed to the store, accompanied very generously by Kyla’s caregiver, Petra (pictured beside me).

Wow.  Rolling up even a slight incline is extremely difficult.  I made it myself most of the way but occasionally Petra had to step in.

Buying food wasn’t the hassle I thought it’d be.  I’ve always been an impulse shopper & I just grab whatever’s at eye level.  So this works just fine for me so far.

Petra helped carry the basket & groceries up to my apartment.  I wouldn’t have been able to do it myself, I realize.

Once in my apartment, we reached another ingenious solution to the bed problem– we took out the boxspring!  Or, more accurately, Petra took it out for me.  Now, using the transfer technique Kyla taught me, I should be able to transfer myself into bed.  Then she helped me move the stool (& my shower products– couldn’t reach those from wheelchair!) to the bathtub.  It’s hard not to feel guilty for accepting this help, despite knowing that I can’t really do anything to help myself.

Then Petra left.  & I put away the groceries.  How did it go, me in a wheelchair & all?  Check out the video.

Then I 6. made dinner. Kept things simple with a tuna melt.  Good call on my part, though the sandwich was fairly disgusting.  Doing things in a wheelchair really does take a lot longer. Especially with a dog underfoot.  Very grateful this apartment is so accessible though.

I still have to 7. read excerpts from a book on disability (Eli Clare’s book was out so Kyla provided me with a few alternatives) &  8.  Write a 500 word essay for Kyla.

Oh, I’ve also got to 9. Go to sleep & have good dreams. Well, as a child I was a lucid dreamer & I’ve always considered sleep one of my favorite hobbies (until this year, apparently) — but anyway, I’ve lost the knack for stuff like that & can’t guarantee what my dreams will be like tonight.

I am very, very, very, very, very tired.  & tomorrow will be a very long day.  I’m not sure what the blog will look like this week, but I feel I should remind you (as I often remind myself) that this blog is NOT the project.  My life is the project.  The blog is merely a medium by which I inform you of how the project is going.

I do love the comments though.  It’s nice to know I’m not shovelling everything into a void!  It would feel much lonelier, I think, & more meaningless without the eyes of hundreds of strangers on me.

I’m very excited for this week.  But Bella is worried.  I knew she knew the sound of my footsteps by heart, by the way.  But I did not know that she didn’t know my voice!  When I wheeled up to the door she started barking, & didn’t stop even when I reassured her.  Then she ignored me when I came in, excitedly greeting Petra.  When she realized it was me in the chair, she was very embarrassed, leapt into my lap, & started licking my face.

She’s not normally that demonstrative.  & now she is sticking much closer to me than usual.

Well, I officially kind of love Mondays.  It seems by Monday of each week I really hit my stride.  My directives become natural & easy to accomplish.  Today, I even had plenty of time to read & have a nap!

But first things first.  The World Police & Fire Games ended on Sunday.  Obviously, I did not have time to 1. attend five events earlier in the week.  Also, my car is now uninsured & most of the events were held in cities outside Vancouver.

So, on my day off, I got a coffee (thanks, Salinger!) & trudged a mile through the rain to the Vancouver Convention Centre, which was listed as the day’s venue on the WPAG website.  There I was told that I would have to walk 30 minutes in the opposite direction to the Plaza of Nations, where there was only one event left.  They were doing something called Muster.  

This was the first assignment I seriously contemplated not completing.  But I thought that would set an unhealthy precedent, knew I should put in the effort, & went anyway.  Turns out that Muster is a test of muster.  Oh.

Teams of firemen competed to see who could set up a ladder, climb it, & hand up buckets of water to fill a big barrel on top of a platform the fastest.

I watched at least five competitions between ten countries.  I hold that these were discrete events & consider my mission accomplished!

After relaxing with a smoothie (unfortunately verboten during the working week) with Braden, I headed to Jess & Braden’s place & helped Jess set up her website.  No rest for the wicked!  Then we got some delicious Thai food & watched Bedazzled (the original version).  I think it parallels this project very closely.  But who am I?  Dudley Moore?  Or Peter Cook?  Rent it & tell me!

Also came up with many ingenious ideas for the project.  I am positively brimming with ingenuity these days.

Upon arriving home, I’d received Adam’s video clips!  I cobbled them together & they are very informative & funny, despite the unfortunate but apparently inevitable watermark.

He demonstrates the core exercises he’s assigned to me & then, as a lovely bonus, takes us on a tour of his high school bedroom & shows you what I wrote in his yearbook!  It was hilarious, if only to me.

Those of you interested in getting in shape should watch the core exercises in particular!  I’ve found them extremely beneficial & not so easy as they look.  Those of you merely interested in stalking me should skip the core exercises & watch the bedroom tour.  You’ll get an intimate glance of me at fifteen.

I am officially somebody who works even on my days off.  I’ve got to cut that out.

Anyway, this morning I was really on top of my game. I 2. woke up early & 3. did core & warm-up. Then Braden kindly let me into his building so I could 4. run 1.5 miles on their treadmill.  I did it in 15 minutes!  When I began, it took me over 11 minutes to run a mile.  This time, (I admit I walked one “lap”), a mile only took me 10!  I love seeing fast results.  Now, I feel like my muscles want to be active.  This is particularly difficult, as I’m exercising under the shadow of Week 6.  When I post the schedule, you’ll see what I mean!

Also, I 5. stretched.

The escorts across the street are making fun of me again.  They make fun of me because I’m always up late writing.  They probably think I’m playing some sort of internet game.  I suppose I am, but it’s a very exciting one.  Anyway, my reward is in heaven.

I went home for a shower then met Braden for lunch (so I could 6. eat a meal within an hour of my workout).  I had some potato leek soup & a 7. kale salad.

Goodness & fun are still mutually exclusive.

When I arrived home, I checked my mail.  To my delight, Ptolemy had sent me a book!  It’s his most famous one, Paradise Fever.  & he included a lovely autograph!  You should all buy it & read.  Then maybe you’ll understand why he’s so smart & interesting.

He's tied with Simon Armitage

I’m getting quite a collection of interesting autographed books.  I got Amy Hempel to autograph one for Bella, & Simon Armitage gave me a lovely & very decorative autograph after a night of heavy drinking at Old Town.  Boy is my life exciting.

Once upstairs, with the help of a friend’s mother, I tracked down the number of one of my favorite high school teachers.  I called her, but she wasn’t in.  I 8. left a voicemail with my number.

Then I crawled into bed with my new book & the Chancellor.  Very compelling read!  Made it halfway thru then dozed.

Afterwards, got a wrap & went to Jess’s, where I helped her transcribe an interview for a documentary.  I love repetitive mindless labor, & this was no exception!  I’m now considering applying for a job as a transcriber (transcriptionist?), so I can transcribe things on my day off & make money for a new computer.  That should show you the abundance of energy I have these days!

Then we went bowling.  In a cool little place where the balls are little balls that don’t have holes in them, & there’s no computer for scoring (must admit, in Michigan I became a habitual bowler, if a very bad one).  We had some trouble figuring out the scoring, but once we managed, wow!  In our first game we both bowled under 100.  In the next two, Jess bowled 150 & 163 respectively!  She’s a natural.  I told her to join a bowling league.  I, on the other hand, remained in the much less impressive 60-80 range.

The bowling shark.

Now I’m home.  All I have left to do is 9. play a sport (or do a fun physical activity I can imagine myself doing consistently). Well, when I was at the store today, I picked up a jump rope.  I’m going to skip some rope before bed.  Don’t tell me that’s not a sport.  Bike riding & hiking were suggested options & my third grade self begs to differ.

I’ve also instituted a new fun idea!  I’m giving a gold star to my favorite comment each day.  Whoever gets the most gold stars by the end of the year will get a present from me!  I’m really good at giving presents, & I love doing it.  The first two have gone to Jacqueline & Ptolemy.  But who knows who will get one next!

There are other fun, participatory ideas that will soon be revealed.

Adam gave me some very useful tips on posture a few posts back.  So now I’m making sure to switch my purse carrying shoulder off each day.  & consciously lowering my right shoulder whenever possible.

Planning for my busy day & dinner party tomorrow!  & so am off to bed.  Keep up the good work everyone.

Well, I’m a family physician on the front lines, and I can tell you the Democrat version of healthcare reform scares me.

I was expecting Medicare to implode in about another 9-10 years from demographic pressure, but with the current plan and its emphasis on expanding government largesse, the implosion of Medicare will occur much sooner – within a year of enactment. There isn’t enough money in the system to pay people to care baby boomer Medicare enrollees, let alone the enrollees in a “public plan.”

Even worse, the bill is stuffed with details that will serve to increase physician office overhead and decrease productivity. Mandated electronic medical records that meet government specifications (i.e. that are easily data mined by the government payer) are costly and make documentation of visits longer. You don’t hear that from the cheerleaders for electronic records, but ask a roomful of average doctors who have suffered through electronic records implementation and they’ll tell you it takes them longer to get through their day. Also, proving that you’ve met the government’s standards of “best practice” will take more time and more staff. There are only so many hours in the day, and I would rather use them taking care of patients that proving to some third party that I’ve done my job.

I’m looking at alternative options like concierge medicine or working overseas. Those are two things I would never have dreamed of considering a year ago.

My practice will not survive a single government payer. It won’t even survive a Medicare pay cut.

There are plenty of other doctors who feel the same way I do. We just aren’t represented any longer by organized medicine

From commenter Sydney (medpundit) at this Althouse thread. H.R. 3200 worries me. A lot.

I’m so glad that this week God has taken the form of a benevolent personal trainer.  Today felt almost like real life!

Photo credit: Jessica Earnshaw

All week I’m supposed to eat healthy, drink only water (& alcohol, thanks!), & have at least one salad a day.

But I also have a list of other directives!

I woke up this morning & 1. weighed myself (bought a scale last night).  A lady doesn’t tell her weight– suffice to say, it’s between 121.7 & 121.9 lbs.  I then spent some time on the phone with last week’s convert, Andrew.  I told him several times that 2. my passion bucket was overflowing. (After this, I confess, I forgot to say it again.  Sorry, Adam!)

Andrew thoughtfully provided some commentary on his experience in the comments section a few posts back. I encourage you all to read & provide feedback!  Faith is a lonely journey, as you’ve seen, & he hasn’t had the brainwashing practise I’ve had.  So in many ways, I think conversion was much harder on him.

After I got off the phone with Andrew, Adam gave me some core exercises over the phone!  Can’t wait for his video, when he’ll show us how to do them properly.

Potato salad doesn't count.

On my way to the shoe store, I got some lunch.  Miso soup, toro sashimi, & a seaweed 3. salad. Ding!  I also drank some green tea.  It was free.  Does that count as water?  If it’s hot water flavored with herbs, does it count?  Tell me, Adam!  I need to know.

I purchased an orange t-shirt for tomorrow’s football game & dropped it off at a printing place.  THIS IS PART OF A PROJECT it says on the front.  & the back has our URL.  Someone suggested that this was cheating.  Not so!  a) I invented the game here, do you think I don’t know my own rules?  b) Ask any lawyer what (s)he thinks about it.

No more claims that I’m “cheating” are allowed!

I then 4. purchased some running shoes (under $80! Down from $130!).  Also some socks.  I’m so girly that I only have one pair.  For everything else I do, stockings or bare feet suffice.

During all this, Twitter was down!  I’ve provided the lost Twitters for your amusement.

1. 12:39 PM “I choose to believe that unsweetened tea IS water.”
2. 12:48 PM “Nothing brightens one’s day like instrumental Japanese renditions of ‘Turkey in the Straw’”
3. 2:19 PM “There is no such thing as cheating!!!! Next person to say so will be first against the wall.”

I met up with my friend, Jess, around 4:00.  She has a gym in her building.  She took some BEFORE pics of me, because I want this week to be like The Biggest Loser.

Photo credit: Jessica Earnshaw

Photo credit: Jessica Earnshaw

Nothing like posting pictures of yourself in spandex on the internet to take your ego down a notch!  I will say though, that I’m not so wildly disproportionate as I appear.  My arms are not, in fact, longer than my legs.  My feet are actually about twice as large as they appear.  & my thighs are certainly not eleven times thicker than my calves.  Will someone who knows me testify that this is the truth!

Not that I’m denigrating her skill as a photographer.

After doing some 5. core exercises I forgot to warm up!!  Then I 6. ran a mile, or what I presume was a mile, on the treadmill.  It didn’t say if it was miles or kilometers.  But I am thinking that there is no way it could take me ELEVEN MINUTES to run a kilometer.  I think it takes less time to walk one. Anyway, I know that eleven minutes is a long time for a mile.  I did walk for a minute in the middle.  But I haven’t done any running since the sixth grade!  When I failed the presidential fitness test, of course.  Because it took me eleven minutes to run a mile then too.

I went home & 7. took a shower. Good thing Adam told me to do that.  The etiquette of personal hygiene has always been a mystery to me.

That was a joke.

Kailyn, of blind date setting up fame, has found someone to go to the football game with me tomorrow!  I talked to him on the phone today & I’m so excited & glad I don’t have to do this alone!  Kailyn is proving to be an excellent ally, especially if you consider that I’ve only met her twice!

My new t-shirt will be happy to have company.

There's no such thing as cheating.

I’m tired, guys.  & nervous for the coming week.

He thinks we're engaged. He wears his tuxedo every day, just in case.

The Chancellor is not nervous.  He continues to find new & exciting ways to chase his tail.  Lately, he likes to climb onto the arms of the captain’s chair & dangle upside down.  Then he’ll rest for awhile.  Look at his impeccable balance!

This is what I saw whenever I looked up from creating a Facebook invite for Tuesday’s dinner party.

Anyway, my mother’s in town.  Ok, it’s her place that I’m living in & everything, but I wouldn’t let her in because it is too messy.  But she brought me a big box of blueberries, yum.  I ate some in the elevator.

Then we went for Chinese food!  It was delicious.  We got some steamed prawns with garlic, crab & corn soup, minced duck in lettuce wraps, & steamed sea bass & tofu in ginger & green onion sauce.  I also drank some more water flavored with herbs.  The duck had some fried things mixed into it.  I tried to pick them out but one or two small pieces may have found their way in anyway.

This is the best of the bunch. We're both blurry & I'm halfway through a blink!

We tried to take some self-pics on my iPhone but they didn’t turn out that well.

We spent a long time gossiping about the project & the commenters (she is clearly an avid reader of this blog!  Apparently, so is her accountant– Hi, Gerry!)  I haven’t seen her since before the project began, so it was fun to rehash everything that’s happened & chat about the participants & the funny comments I receive.

I love that you guys all post with your real names (with the exception of one new follower).  It’s so much easier to attach these personalities to real human beings!

Also, apparently some people switched lives for two months awhile ago & they both went insane.  Do you think I’m going to go insane?  My mother hopes not.  But it would probably make for interesting reading.  I’m sure Ptolemy would have a lot to say about it if so.

All I have left to do today is 8. Attempt to set up a job interview. At first I was going to create a fake resume & a fake name, but that didn’t feel morally right to me.  Though I’m a master of manipulating the truth, I don’t ever lie!  I don’t know if I’m capable.  I puzzled & puzzled till my puzzler was sore (Seuss) & finally I’ve reached the perfect solution.  I’m going to send my real resume to every service job listing on craigslist tonight.  Real name too.

If I get any interviews, despite the fact that I lack FoodSafe & service experience, but can bring a lot of irrelevant skills like a publicity work, experience with children, & an MFA in poetry, I will take it as a sign from God that I need to go & make a statement about “corporate whoredom.”  Somehow, when there are frequently over 100 applicants for a single service job, I doubt I’ll get any bites.

Now all I want to do is curl up in a ball & never see anyone ever again!  I have such an extroverted week ahead of me. Since I don’t know anyone in this city, a lot of fun things like “bowling!” actually require the energetic recruitment of strangers & near strangers.  The majority of people I invited to my party are people I’ve only met once!  But obviously I will soldier on.  I mean, think about bowling alone.

Anyway, you know what else?  Look at the fortune cookies we got. They answer each other.

Mine

My mother's

P.S. My mother, fearing for my life, made a donation towards wrist guards for my Tuesday rollerblading.  She wanted to make a donation for shin guards, knee & elbow pads, & a helmet too.  But I politely declined.  The wrist guards, I think, are a reasonable enough concession.