I never feel I am very good at doing rundowns of the year, because I always manage to miss out some insanely positive event and focus on the negative, or I feel I live too much in the moment to want to dwell on the past.  Likewise, I don’t really bother making New Year’s Resolutions because I don’t really ever feel I have to change anything instantly.  I don’t feel I have anything to give up in my life.  I guess I would like to finally pass my driving test and get a car in 2010, but I’m not going to make it a resolution, I’m just going to try and do it! If that makes sense.

Having said all of that, I feel as we come to the end of 2009 that I’m a lot happier now than I was this time last year. As I’ve said before, this is my first Christmas not working in retail, and in terms of the lack of stress and not having to deal with customers (nor low pay), it’s been bliss!  I’m away from the Perfume Shop and the people who work there, and that can only be a good thing.  What’s more, I’m doing my Careers Guidance course at uni and I finally feel like my life is going somewhere. I have some fantastic friends whom I’ve made this year, and my friendships which have endured for the last few years only continue to grow.  I feel like I’ve discovered more of myself as a person, and although I’m not 100% happy, who is?  I nevertheless recognise the improvement in my life, both in the things that have happened to me and in the evolution of myself as a person.  I hope it continues because I have plenty further to go and a lot more I want to accomplish!  But compared to my despondency about myself and my life at the end of 2008, things are looking up.

In terms of a blast from the past, today I was in town catching up with Hannah and Alex (we still have a lot to talk about!) and enjoying a Christmas coffee.  I treated us all to coffees in Starbucks (because it’s Christmas and I just got paid from the hospital – I think I have had a payrise! ) and it was just really nice.  Walking around the shops with Hannah, I saw some things I like (including a Juicy Couture iPod touch case.  I don’t have an iPod touch, and the case is hardly masculine in its pastel pink shade, but I want it.) but there was no point in spending money on Christmas Eve when the sales start Boxing Day, yknow?  Walking towards the bus stops at the end of our trip, I walked past Serena, the girl at the Perfume Shop who said that I was a thief, who said that I had bullied her – Hannah saw her first and offered a nice-bitchy comment (“I think she looks fatter?” Bless you girl!!!).  I didn’t really look, though I know she saw me.  I smiled at her, then walked straight past.

Hearing those untrue things said about me really hurt, but I have said my piece to my friends, and I’m over it.  Life goes on, and if they were talking about me 4 months after I had left the shop, then that’s a compliment in a way – I guess I made an impression!  But I’m over feeling mad, upset and angry about it – my life is a lot better now, and part of that is because the girls at the Perfume Shop are not part of it (excluding Henna, whom I see around uni from time to time).  I am in a good place – even if I get down about Mike etc., his friendship has really raised me up and helped me uncover and discover more about myself.  So instead of looking away, or storming past, I just smiled at her and went on my own way.  I’m on a new path, and it’s Christmas – why bother perpetuating any bitterness or regret? If that’s what she wants to do – well, she’s older than me and it’s sad that she doesn’t just move on because she should have more important things in her life.  I certainly have – and I know I’m talking about it now, but I really recognised that it just isn’t worth it anymore to cling onto anger.  I wish most people nothing but the best, and what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.  And I’m not dead yet!

So instead of being cheesy or cliché about Christmas spirit, I just wanted to say that even though this is applicable to any time of year (because hardship happens all year round), there’s nothing better than embracing the positive and letting go of the negative when you’re ready to and you feel you can.  I have a long way to go, but I’ve progressed from before and despite my own personal ups and downs, I’m in a much better place.  More than anything material, more than Juicy Couture iPod cases, that is the best gift I can give to myself this Christmas – allowing myself to be happy and to be proud.  I wish you all nothing but the best, please be proud of yourselves and recognise the good in yourself.  I know that Christmas is about giving to others and family, but we have to take some time to feel good about ourselves too.  We are all deserving of that!  So from the bottom of my heart, have a wonderful Christmas Day tomorrow, however you’re spending it – and take a moment just to look at yourself and appreciate who you are!  Love always.

Don’t you love the feeling you get when someone compliments you? I loves it too!

I also love the feeling I get after I compliment someone else. Knowing that I gave them a boost in their confidence makes me feel good about myself.

You should try it. Give a few compliments today, even to strangers! See what happens to your mood after you’ve lifted theirs.

Too shy to walk up to strangers? Try making a compliment poster like the one shown above. You can print out a pre-made one here and post it in a public place. This is so awesome, I think I’ll do this myself!

Let me know about your experiences with complimenting others and/or being complimented today. If you put one of these posters up, you can send me pics!

Have a great Monday!

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yesterday, while working a temp job @ a company that does reality shows (gotta pay the rent, u know) i was asked to be in an adventure reality show. now i’m not really down with the whole reality tv thing… i know that most of it is not really reality and to say i’m big on authenticity in an understatement… also, i don’t really feel comfortable exposing myself that way on national television… if i’m going to do tv it’s going to be music related or a project i felt passionate about… anyway i digress… before i could tell this young casting associate my feelings on reality shows, she asked me how old i was… and when i told her i was 28…she replied, ” oh my god, you look soooo much younger. i though you were like 22.” but it wasn’t really a compliment. or maybe it was, albeit a fucked up compliment when considering her tone and demeanor. then she went on to say “oh well that wouldn’t work because the oldest we want on the show is 25.” not that it matters cause i would never have done the show anyway, but it was very interesting to me that because i’m 28 rather than 22 or 25 (though i “look” younger) i am no longer desired for the show. what a difference a number can make! lol! and how attached we are to these numbers!?

now those that know me, know that i’m a big advocate of timelessness. i think that time is a negative restraint. that it is a box that we put ourselves in, our dreams in, our lives in… and though time is necessary (hey let’s meet up at 8pm or i’d like to finish this song by next week) it ultimately, in my heart and mind and spirit, does not exist. i wonder when did we get so caught up in age? especially in LA it’s SUCH a huge thing…and in entertainment it’s even BIGGER! i remember many music execs telling me “well it’s such a fabulous thing that you look younger, so we can lie about your age.” and a lot of artists do that. but i refuse to. it’s a superficial game that i refuse to play.

we are collectively responsible though for perpetuating this way of thinking. how many times do i hear people complain about getting older or lying about their age, rather than celebrating each year? Let us celebrate the lessons, growth, experience, knowledge gained and beauty of each moment of our lives! Yea!

On Monday approximately one week before today, I was headed with these options of which i have to decide immediately. The offer itself came from my boss. She asked me but first of all, she explained to me the fact that she’d pulled out soon from her job description to consult one new website where actually i was hired to help her there.
She decided to quit because of some reasons all heading to different vision & business perception between her & the other head of the web. And so I was offered whether to stay on the web or join her to the other department but still in the same business environment. There, I wanted some time to think on the offering. I asked her for about a week to think. In the middle of the moment, one of my work partner which on the web side, asked me on the answer. It wasn’t far from the conversation with my boss.She said that I had to give them the answer right at that moment so that they could prepared everything immediately.
So in that short time of thinking, I already had to decide where side I would be in the future. For your information, I love my job on this website so much, but I think there would be various thread for me in the future if I choose to stay. On the other hand, in my boss side, the business is new to me. So I had to start from the beginning again. But it would be much saver for my career if I join my boss. So then I picked my decision to join my boss in the new business.
There were several compliments that I got from this case. Both side gave me them. One said that I have to be taken to the new business and the other hand said that they’d really love to make fantastic journey on developing the web with me. Both side made me so flattered really. Though in the end, I have to choose either one.
One of my consideration on making this decision is, I really want to learn much from one person who is my boss partner. And that reason also became the biggest point of my decision on quitting my previous job. So that’s so clear why I make that kind of decision right?
Well.. as I said before, it’ll never be easy to choose among options but decisions should be made. And so I’ve made my mind & shall we see what will be my success story next. Wish me luck guys!

I was in the shopping centre the other day having lunch and I noticed a woman who I thought was very beautiful.  She was alone and eating her lunch near where I was sitting and I had a sudden urge to go over to her and tell her how beautiful I thought she was.  Why would I do that?  Well for no other reason than to pay someone a compliment.  That is all.  No ulterior motive.  No hoping she would ask me to sit down and join her.  I’m happily married and I love my wife very much, so my intention was just to give a compliment, walk away and hopefully leave that woman with a smile on her face and a story to tell her friends.

This wasn’t the first time I have had this urge.  I would estimate that over the last few years I have had the same urge a dozen or so times and each time I have not followed through.  So why haven’t I enacted upon it?  I think the simple answer to that is because I am too embarrassed to do it.  If I put myself in her shoes for a second then this is probably what she is thinking.

“This creepy bloke approaches me, tells me I am beautiful and walks away.  He probably wants me to follow him and fall into his arms”.

That is so far from the truth but unfortunately I think that is what she would be thinking 9 times out of ten.  How good would it be to be able to go up to a complete stranger, pay them a compliment and walk away, expecting nothing in return?  Wouldn’t it make the world a better place?

I hear you asking, would I go up to a guy and tell him I thought he was good looking.  No way!  For two reasons.  1.  That. is just too creepy.  Dudes telling other dudes they are good looking just doesn’t happen unless you are on Brokeback Mountain.  2.  I don’t think dudes are good looking.  I think we are repulsive looking and I am yet to meet a dude who is attractive.  In fact I struggle to understand what chicks see in us and I can’t blame chicks for hooking up with each other!

The compliments don’t even have to be like my example.  You might compliment someone on something they are wearing, or for the way they are treating their kids, or for picking up rubbish off the ground thrown away by somebody else.  There are a million reasons you would give someone a compliment.  So why doesn’t it happen a lot more?

My question to you, loyal passengers on the McClane Train, would you go up to a complete stranger and give a compliment expecting nothing in return?   Have you done this and if so, what were the circumstances and more importantly, what was the reaction?  If you wouldn’t approach a complete stranger and give them a compliment, why not?  I’m keen to hear your thoughts.

Is what my Jones Cream Soda bottle cap said to me today. I wonder when these things got so deep.

I’ve decided to post this because I’ve noticed that in the last little while (about a week or so) most of my best compliments have come from complete strangers… and when I say strangers, I mean inanimate objects.

Be an Angel. Save a Life. Jones bottle cap
You have an excellent capacity for making people feel at home. Fortune Cookie.

I can’t help but wonder what the world would be like if people simply blurted out the compliments they had for other people. (With exception of course)
How high would someones self-esteem become if any random person at any random time took the time to recognize something about them that generally no one would have said anything about?
Pretty high.

Maybe we should all carry fortune cookies in our jacket pockets this winter… or maybe we can start noticing the somethings of someone else and have our somethings noticed in return.

No one is really invisible… so why make them feel that way?

by Sheree R. Curry, B’yachad member

Face it. Sometimes you have thought someone was flirting with you and they weren’t. Other times someone was flirting, but you didn’t pick up on the clues. Perhaps you’ve even done the flirting, but just didn’t get noticed. Learn the art of flirting so that you are reading cues as effectively as you exude them. Here are 5 tips on flirting naturally.

Initiate conversation. And keep it flowing, but keep it simple and light while trying to find common interests. Use your own interests as guidelines (after all you want to know if you’re compatible). Just don’t talk too much about yourself (but do answer questions when you’re asked. Being elusive implies you’re hiding something). If you share a common interest, the conversation will flow naturally. If nothing else, talk about your surroundings, but don’t be overly critical of your environment (the food, the service, the way others are dressed, etc.)

Keep them talking. Avoid questions that can be answered with a yes or no response. Instead, pepper your talk with “why” and “how” questions. Avoid talking politics on the first date (unless you met at a political campaign). Also, don’t speak on any depressing topics and don’t discuss your problems, past, present or future or imagined! No one wants to begin a relationship with someone who appears to unstable, needy or loaded with baggage.

More Flirting Tips >>

Smile, and smile with your eyes too. Making eye contact from across the room is a good way to initiate acquaintance, but remember to make eye contact throughout conversation, as well. You don’t want to stare, just gaze. Of course you must look away at times, and when you do, lower your eyes gently before refocusing them. This avoids a darting, shifty look. When you are facing someone, playfully looking at them in the eyes is very gripping and it compels them to look back at you. Note, you can tell how interested a person is in you if their pupils are dilated. By looking at the person, they will also be able to notice your eyes. Remember to smile, but not smirk. A winning smile will go a long way and will make your eyes sparkle.

Body language. If you’re sitting, keep your knees or your torso turned toward the person. Or, if you’re a woman you can have your back slightly turned away while looking over your shoulder at the guy. Men, lean in slightly while talking. Try to find an opportunity to whisper something in the person’s ear, just make it short and simple. During conversation touch the person lightly on the arm, the shoulder or the knee, but do not linger long. And do not, repeat, do not make any sexual advances. Appropriate times to touch, say, someone’s arm, is when you want to direct their attention to another side of the room, or alert them that someone is approaching from behind, for emphasis in your story, or when you or they laugh softly. Although you’re being deliberate, it comes across very natural. Also during the conversation if you briefly and lightly touch your own hair, chin, cheek or ear it helps to bring the other person’s eyes toward your face. Just don’t appear as if you’re vainly grooming yourself, have a nervous tick or are picking at a scab. Keep your touch light.

Compliment and flatter. A great way to get a person to show interest in you is to make compliments that are flattering, but genuine and not cheesy. Try telling the person they look nice in their outfit or that they look nice with that hairstyle (Remember, you are complimenting the way the person looks, not the outfit or the hair itself). Avoid over doing it by comparing them with the moon and the stars. A fake compliment is easily detected! When it’s time to end the conversation, be sure to thank them. Thank them for the evening, for the conversation, for picking up the tab, or whatever you can find to thank them for. Even if you thanked them earlier, always end the conversation on a thank you.

Thank you for reading.
— written by Sheree R. Curry, B’yachad member
JewishSinglesCollaborative.org Blog

Have any tips on flirting? Please share them using the comments field.

Alicia Keys’ new album The Element Of Freedom comes after her biggest success so far, As I Am, in a career which hasn’t had any troughs or lows to date.  Every album she’s released, from Songs In A Minor to the present has explored depth and soul, has combined traditional elements of R&B with current, up to date production and lyrical exploration of love, loss and self-esteem in a genuinely mature fashion that is beyond Keys’ years.  She’s consistently walked the fine line between critical and commercial success, effectively having her cake and eating it since 2002.  Alicia Keys plays the piano like a professional, but is not an entertainer who hides behind her instrument – she takes risks, sings and dances on stage, and has always commanded respect with an element of political and social awareness to boot.  So what does her new album bring to the table?

Like Rihanna’s Rated R, The Element Of Freedom is impossible to divorce from the singer’s personal life context. Keys has suffered some backlash for her love affair with separated-but-not-divorced super-producer Swizz Beatz.  Fans have turned away from Keys’ maturity and moral standpoints expressed in her material to date, saying that she was phony, that she was no better than the singers who dressed and acted like hos, and the lackluster success (i.e. it didn’t shoot straight to #1 as people presumed it would) of first single “Doesn’t Mean Anything” is perhaps because of this.  Despite a simple yet effective video which sticks to the album concept of being free of material things and going beyond all boundaries, the song was solid but seemed like a softer retread of her previous hit “No One”.  Nevertheless, especially since I’m certainly not in a position to judge Keys’ being in love with a man who is attached, the music is far from bad, and second single “Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart” as well as her collaborations with Jay-Z, “Empire State Of Mind (Parts 1 & 2)” seem to be coming closer to replicating her usual success.

Here’s to hoping that The Element Of Freedom continues Keys’ string of successes.  Alicia said of the album that “”The way that the songs progress are gonna take you on a natural high. I just want you to feel a sense of freedom, I want you to feel out-of-the-box, feel inspired, You’re definitely going to be taken on a trip, I know you’re going to be shocked, you’re going to hear things that you probably didn’t think that I would sound like. It’s a journey.”  Some of this I agree with, some of it I don’t hear myself.  ”Doesn’t Mean Anything” and “Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart” both build to exhilarating climaxes, not because the music is especially bombastic (it’s anything but, though “Broken Heart” has a compelling drum loop that comes closer to bringing Kanye West’s 808 fascination into the 21st century than he himself seems to be able to manage).  Standout tracks “That’s How Strong My Love Is”, “Love Is My Disease”, “Distance And Time” and closer “Empire State Of Mind (Part II)” all employ soaring melodies that propel the listener to think and to ride their own emotions; Keys’ production and piano backing compliment each song without ever taking centre stage (as happened on occasion in her first two albums).  Its undeniable that Alicia Keys knows how to write a song, knows how to sing a song and knows how to express a song even with a voice that sometimes is limited – she wrings the emotion out of every syllable be it with a whisper (“Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart”) or a throaty, heartfelt plea (“Love Is My Disease”).

So the album is solid – but is it really that different?  As I Am saw Keys taking risks and incorporating traditional pop and even rock elements into her smoky R&B soul with stellar results (as well as a couple of lackluster songs), and that sound continues here, but in places incorporating 80s drums and synths – this sound is definitely in vogue (I still struggle to understand why), but at least Alicia Keys sounds less like she is pandering to fashion than most artists – again, this is tribute to her genuine musicianship.  I find it hard to say that I am “shocked” by anything on this album – ok, for the first time her intro is a spoken-word explanation of the album title and concept rather than a pianist showcase.  Her collaboration with Beyoncé, “Put It In A Love Song”, is fun and the closest Keys has ever come to club-ready, and Beyoncé’s voice and swagger doesn’t dominate the song as I might have feared – the two artists compliment each other perfectly and adeptly ride the compelling bassline. But here is where the surprises end – opening track “Love Is Blind” performs the same function as previous opening tracks “Go Ahead”, “Karma” and “Girlfriend”, in that they are uptempo, loop-driven productions that display the singer’s confidence before she delves into her vulnerability later in the album.  ”Unthinkable (I’m Ready)” sounds almost too similar to The Diary Of Alicia Keys‘ “Slow Down”, and while “This Bed” provides an interesting diversion on Freedom, its The-Dream-esque synths and piano are really echoing Prince (which is 80% of what The-Dream does anyway) – and Alicia Keys already covered Prince at the start of her career (“How Come U Don’t Call Me”).  The album ends on a legitimate high with “How It Feels To Fly” and “Empire State Of Mind” exploring her ideals of freedom, exhilaration and expressing her love for New York – but she’s even played those cards before, at the end of As I Am (“Sure Looks Good To Me”) and The Diary (“Streets Of New York”).

As stated earlier, the most interesting aspect of the album, lyrically speaking, is matching the songs to Alicia Keys’ newly revealed love for Swizz Beatz, never mind his marriage.  Her feelings about it resonate through the titles – “Love Is Blind”, “That’s How Strong My Love Is”, “Love Is My Disease” and particularly “Unthinkable”.  Lyrics such as “Some people might call me crazy for falling in love with you” (“That’s How Strong My Love Is”) and “I’m wondering maybe could I make you my baby / If we do the unthinkable, would it make us go crazy? / If you ask me, I’m ready” (“Unthinkable”) speak for themselves.  Obviously, as members of the public there’s only so much we know about the situation, and only a certain percentage of that is remotely true – but the artists put their souls on a record and we can’t help but speculate, at the same time as we feel the songs and apply them to our own lives and emotions.

So The Element Of Freedom is, generally, more of the same from Alicia Keys.  It’s not nearly as risky as Keys herself might proclaim, and it’s not the best album of 2009, but it does provide some moments of genuine exhilaration, and there are plenty of strong tracks to make the weaker ones (“Like The Sea”, “Wait Til You See My Smile”) nothing to gripe about.  What’s more, Keys has found some freedom in being brave enough to write about her love and experiences in a new way – and if there’s anything I’ve learned in the past three months, it’s that love is stronger than anything and I can feel most of what she’s singing about.  Her piano playing compliments the songs without ever becoming a gimmick.  And anyway, after all, if Alicia Keys is providing more of the same, she’s still doing a damn sight better than your average R&B chick.  The lyrics are still simple but deep, the music is still soulful yet current, the songs are still well-written and hooky.  I believe Keys has a better album in her yet (The Diary Of Alicia Keys is still my personal favourite), but I thoroughly commend her for not dipping in quality throughout the past 7 years.

A couple of months ago I felt I was slowly fading. Blending in with the wallpaper so to speak. Not really appreciated. Not at work, not at home, not anywhere. This (in my mind at least) became a bit of a problem. On one hand I was shouting to myself “I’m here, I have qualities and talents, I am somebody” on the other hand I was asking myself if I wasn’t turning into somebody who wanted too much attention. Was I asking the world to send me flowers or medals every time I’d mopped the floor? That the people at work wrote to the newspaper how good I was? Nevertheless, there was a war going on inside me, and I wanted peace. It was time to visit a dear friend of mine who is very down to earth and also has a degree in Psychology. Exactly what I needed.

Meg looked at me as I told my sorry story about my diminishing self-worth. And smiled. “I know what this is about” she said. “First question: How much value do you put on yourself ? As a person ?”

“Secondly, you have unique qualities and talents, because you are you. Nobody in this whole world is you. So that counts for something. And thirdly: Don’t look for outside validation.“

This needed some thinking on my part. Especially the last one.

When we are children, we want to please our parents. Then, when we get a partner, we want to please them. The reason is that we get praise when we do something good. And we all want to be “good” don’t we? And we all want to “fit in”. Praise from others tells us that: We are okay. “Job well done” accompanied by a beaming smile from the Manager at work does wonders for the ego, and I bet  a lot of people work a lot harder after hearing such a compliment.

Strangely enough I didn’t need feeding my “self” in certain areas I know I’m good at. I’ve proved to be successful with my Art. And that’s only one thing; there are others as well. It’s the areas where I feel not so certain of that need constant feeding. This feeding from the outside has a purpose: That others think I’m okay, in that particular area of my thinking or actions. And this need for feeding goes on until my brains are fully convinced that I’m okay. And that can take up a long time. The more insecure I was about something, the more “outside” convincing and praise I needed.

Of course I’m not the only one who needed this “feeding” from others. There are legions of people who want it and need it. But it’s the long way round to become a well-grounded person, and you can start feeling unappreciated if you don’t do something about it. Even worse, if it has been going on for a long time, you can start feeling bitter, un-loved and depressed. So here’s the short-cut:

You know you have qualities and talents. Don’t look at others for constant praise. The moment you realize this, and you do get a compliment it will be on top of what you already knew about yourself, not instead of.

Start knowing yourself, and accept that you cannot be good at everything. Are you a good person? Do you help out when someone is in need? Do you love animals and nature? Then you are basically a good person, and you have the right to love yourself.

Then there are your actions in life: Your work, your hobbies etc. No, you don’t have to love your work .And your Manager doesn’t have to embrace you every morning out of sheer joy and thank you. When you know that you’re doing a good job then that should be enough.If he compliments you on your work, that will be on top of what you already know and not instead of.

And don’t forget to pat yourself on the back now and then. You’re unique, you’re somebody. You know you are.

Today I had my first driving lesson. I had quite a few lessons a couple of years ago but never got round to taking my test. I thought it was high time I learned again and completed the license, so here I am doing it! The lesson was really fun, and after a while I got into the swing of things; didnt stall once and was driving for most of the lesson! I have booked 2 hours for Tuesday next week and I actually cant wait! Very excited….

I also want to say thankyou to anyone who reads my blog. I only really write this for myself, and it is interesting to know that others come back from time to time and read my ramblings. Today I realised that I have had over 1000 hits since I started writing in late October, which I take as quite a compliment

I have found so many cute pictures recently, but more importantly videos, of kittens and bunnies which I have to share:

Have to love the Scottish Folds cats…. sooooo adorable.

These pictures in particular made me squeak and/or giggle (the fish one particularly):

.

Also a suggestion for Christmas presents; if you are stuck for something to buy someone, how about buying an Oxfam Unwrapped present instead. There are so many to choose from, and I always try and do this every year (usually the animal ones). The recipient gets a fridge magnet and a card saying how the money was used, and if anything it is really different, and could help a lot of people!

Now for the weekly gathering at the pub for a few!

Jenn xx

You know what one of the most awesome things about social media is?  Connecting everyone with the click [or tap, for touch screens] of a button.

Well, duh!

Sorry for stating the obvious.  I just read a great blog post about little ways to make the world a better place, of which all the suggestions would brighten my day.  And all of which can be done via social media.  With iPhones, Crackberries, and the like, it is now more than ever possible to send those random Tweet/Facebook message/texts/etc.  And while that is already listed as a suggestion, social media can be used to carry out the other suggestions as well.

For example, the last suggestion of connecting like minds?  There are functions for that.  Just a few weeks ago, my friend suggested that her boyfriend follow me on Twitter because we’re both graphic designers.  Even Facebook has an option that faciliates connecting people with their option called “suggest friends/fans.”  You can compliment someone by positively commenting on a blog post or posting an encouraging message on another website.  Just last week I had an old professor send me a LinkedIn message, stating how proud she was of me on my first design project post-grad.  I’m tellin’ ya, that made my day 100 times better.

Commending an employee must be the easiest thing to do on this list.  A simple email [CCing the employee in question] to a superior can achieve that goal, as I have already experienced in my 6 brief weeks of employment.  Leaving a more than generous tip at a restaurant encourages the good services of a waitress/waiter- I know, I waitressed for a year in high school.

Think about those options listed above.  How have you brightened someone’s day lately?

Sorry–this is going to be another short post.  I’m going to be really busy until I can finally take a few weeks vacation in December, but I have to relate a small victory.

As you all know, I decided that on Thanksgiving I would be thankful for sweets and casseroles and fattening things, and I most certainly was.  But that wasn’t the only thing that happened over the holiday.

I GOT MY FIRST “YOU’VE LOST WEIGHT!”

Yep.  I did.  I was at church Thanksgiving morning, and a lady I’ve known my whole life came up to me and said, “Well you just look so good–you look like you’ve lost some weight.”  It was all I could do not to jump up and down and scream “Hot diggity damn straight, lady!”  Instead, I was so surprised that I said, “Err well I mean, no, well maybe like a pound or not even that, so no but maybe a few pounds.”  Then immediately I felt like an ass for denying someone a compliment, which I’m told is rude.

But still, she said it.  And she’s not even related to me.  And she doesn’t know that I’ve been trying.  So I was pretty stoked about that.  I thought I would share with you, and let it be encouragement to you all in your own attempts!

I’m so pumped up about it, I think I’m going to go for a butt-crack-of-dawn early walk.

Today I drove 6 hrs, so I didn’t eat anything before because I don’t like to stop.  (Yeah you read that right–I can hold it almost indefinitely.)

Lunch:

Asian noodles (soy sauce, egg noodles, ginger, garlic, sesame oil, sugar, rice wine vinegar)

Snack:

Slug o’ peanut butter

Supper:

7 Layer Burrito

Nacho Cheese Chalupa

Prize for praise

When was the last time you were so happy when someone found fault with you?

“No chance, how could I be happy when someone was finding fault with me!” you may ask.

But if that question was rephrased as,

“When was the last time you felt like you were on the cloud nine when someone praised you or complimented you?”

An array of “Nice” experiences could be scooped out easily from your memory like scooping out a big chunk of ice-cream from a container to be tasted with delight, when such a question is posed!

That is the power of—this is the significant fact to remember – that is the power of compliments which can transform your life and change your approach toward life and people, as well as change the life of others around you.

Children always tend to praise each other even if it is only for a small thing. That creates a great bond between them and that’s why they seem to enjoy life more.

Success comes easily to the person who manages himself very well as well as who could be a support and encouragement to others. He or she is a welcome guest wherever that person goes!

When one is generous in complimenting others, this universe seems to be generous with that person. The great ones don’t hesitate to sincerely compliment others where it is due!

Abraham Lincoln once said,

“Everybody likes a compliment”

It is a tonic to people and they need it basically as human beings. And when one compliments others wherever a person goes, that person is nurturing the people around him/her creating an aura of encouragement for others amidst chaos.

Some benefits that you can enjoy when you become a “Compliment- carrier”:

Learning while complimenting:

When one is with their friends or boss or spouse or children and so on and deliberately finds some attributes or good qualities or something that person have done well to sincerely compliment them, he or she is not only complimenting that person but would also find himself or herself learning a new good quality or something good from that another person.

Say if one compliments 3 people on a day, and that means he or she can use those good qualities in his or her life so as to improve his/her life.

People would like you and trust you:

People whenever they are introduced to each other, mostly size up each other, sometimes consciously sometimes without their knowledge, as it is only natural for human beings. They tend to keep a distance from each other and this takes some time to set right and to break the ice.

But when you are a “compliment carrier” and a sincere one at that you would always be thought by everyone as “Native” to them as opposed to “Alien”. Even when they are a new acquaintance you can always find something to compliment them sincerely. Then they trust you and you trust them and your relationship, be it in your business or profession or personal life would be a harmonious one.

Complimenting(Sincerely) is not a phony one but actually this habit will make one to see the “Good” in others, as it is because when one always sees the bad in others he/she is inclined to “Label” that person (Permanently most of the times) as “Baddie”, “ Cheater”, etc.

People remember your compliments for a long time when it is effective:

With a single piece of SINCERE compliment you can turn around the life of a person if it’s heading toward disaster. You might not know but your compliment might mean a lot to that person, and sometimes change the course of their life for their betterment tremendously just because you saved them at a crucial point by complimenting them and providing solace to their hurt soul. And the spiritual satisfaction one gets from earnest compliment is unparalleled.

To compliment one needs courage- courage to break free from his/her old ego pattern, courage to sincerely praise others and avoid flattery at any cost, and courage to not to expect anything in return.

Flattery cannot be in the same place where SINCERE compliment is. Flattery is a “Phony” thing and a truly great person who wants to succeed in life would not be a “phony” one but an “Honest man/woman”. He/she really mean it when they praise others!! He or she seek the benefit of others and their welfare along with his or hers.

Sincere compliments don’t need “Honey-coated words” but even just casually tossing of sincere words – directly from the heart not just from the mouth! People can always see through ones good heart.

Your email-ID, your mouth, your hand, your pen, your keyboard and the people you know now and you are going to meet in the future would thank you for that!!

Wish you all the riches to come with God’s blessings

Peter Anand

Who does not love the feeling of being told you are beautiful, or a great friend, or that you are doing a great job? Of course, we all love getting compliments. We may get embarrassed, or try to disagree, but inside it makes us feel great. It makes us smile.

So, knowing how that makes us feel, we should share that feeling with others around us. Have you told your parents how much you appreciate them lately? Or have you told your best friend just how awesome they are?

We all have people in our lives who have a positive influence on us in some way. So, why not tell them?

I love receiving compliments just as much as the next person, but I sometimes lack in that department when I go to hand them out.

On a note to those who always disagree when someone compliments you… Sometimes it can make you feel slightly embarrassed when someone is complimenting you for something you have done. You need to learn how to receive it.

You do not need to be shy when somoene tells you that you are awesome. Thank them, with a smile, and believe it. You need to be confident in who you are and what you have done, because you are awesome.

So, take some time today and compliment at least three people who are close to you in your life (or maybe someone who is not so close). Giving someone else that happy feeling will give you a smile. : )

Hello World! Hey! How ya doing!?
Today is Thanksgiving! Happy Turkey Day! I want to thank all my Native American chiefs and the Pilgrims for giving us such a wonderful holiday. I hope everyone stuffs their mouths with a lot of turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry, corn, etc. Mmmmmmm Yum! Well, since today is such a blissful day, I will enter your minds’ with a jubilant post.

Every school has that one class that every single student takes during one of their semesters because it is extremely easy and exciting. For Syracuse University, it is Human Sexuality. Once a week, you attend a lecture and the professor either puts up slides of body parts or brings in homosexual/transsexual speakers. The class is thrilling because we always see something that we have never seen before. Two weeks ago, the professor put up photographs of extremely hairy vagina’s and funky penises. Those pictures had me cringing in my seat like a Kindergartner looking at body parts for the first time! The class used to use the same exam every year so everyone would get an automatic A. However, they finally decided to change it but it is still quite easy. Finally, for a large portion of the grade, every student must either write an essay, attend a discussion every week, or attend six couple enrichment sessions if the student possesses a girlfriend/boyfriend. So what do you think I did? Hell yea babyyyyy. I do have a girlfriend. ;]

Let me take a quick moment to introduce her. Michelle Jeon loves to eat; she often brags that she can devour up to six plates of food at the dining hall. She also loves to take pictures and has an extraordinary talent in which she can look exactly the same in every single photograph. She is a very passionate girl who works fairly hard at what she wants (except weight loss) and is a girl of many thoughts. She is different from what she appears as and I’m glad that I saw it. And um… I can go into detail about all the other important traits and qualities of her but that’s only for me to know =).  Also, I was just kidding; she really is not fat at all. She is very good at being a girlfriend and should minor in it!

So here are the adventures of our couple enrichment sessions. We were able to shrink six sessions into four by making each one longer. You are lucky I am sharing!

Session 1:

Honestly, I was scared. Michelle was too. We had heard many rumors that couples would often break up because of these sessions. So with this terrified mindset, we both walked into our first session. The first day was slow. The activities were not very fun and Michelle refused to talk because she was nervous… Therefore, we had to rely on my smooth mouth. We had two counselors, Monica and Natasha: We were Monica’s last couple while also being Natasha’s first couple! So anyway, our first activity was a questionnaire. Michelle and I had to sit in a tiny room and answer questions about our relationship while the counselors waited outside; we had to circle a number from one to ten (Disagree-Agree) on questions like “Will you and your partner get married?” Sounds boring huh? It kind of was. We then proceeded to ‘Emotional Jenga’, which was a little bit more fun. Basically, it is the same as regular Jenga but under some of the blocks are adjectives that we would have to connect with our love life. So for example, if the word was “jealous,” whoever pulled it out would have to tell the significant other of a time when he/she was jealous in the relationship. What went on during the game will stay enclosed. It is a life between us two and it should stay like that. Don’t you think? But I did tell her that I will keep her safe forever when I pulled out “Safety.” Hehe.

Session 2:

This day was probably my favorite. By the way, we were in a larger room! Also, Michelle started to talk because she was now comfortable so it made our experience better. So when we walked in and settled down, the counselors whipped out a sandbox filled with sand. Then they also opened up three closets overflowing with toys. Our assignment was to use the toys to describe our relationship in the present, in the future, and how we view family. So we brainstormed together and built what was on our minds on the sandbox. The counselors took a picture of each situation but we liked the “Our relationship in the present” model the best so the counselors printed out a picture of that for us. Even though it is a bit embarrasing to say with my own mouth, I think the whole process was very cute; we tried really hard while giggling to closely translate whatever was in our brain to the sandbox. Our end product was this picture:

Michelle chose the treasure chest to portray that she treasures our relationship. She also decided that two little dogs would represent us and put us on a bridge to resemble that we will always be able to come together no matter the situation. I told her I should be a lion but she would not listen…She also picked two clay models, one with open arms and another crying, to say that we would always welcome each other with open arms at times of difficulty. I truly appreciated everything she did on that sandbox =). The first thing I did was place a snake and two devils under the bridge. From this, I tried to say that we would be able to be together even if there are obstacles. Then I placed a globe and made two soldiers point their guns at it. This means that we would be able to fight the world together and whatever it throws at us. The fire displays our love which will always be burning. The two empty books means that we will both write and live a beautiful story with each other. (It was really cute when Michelle placed just one book later on for the “Our relationship in the future” model and said that our life stories will become one). The open shell facing up means that we will always open up to each other without hesitation. On the other hand, the Spongebob hints that we will also be a joking couple in order to have fun at times. Finally, the genie means that I will try and fulfill all her wishes. Honestly speaking, when else would 19 year old college students play on a sandbox with toys? However, it was a very bonding activity and I hope others can experience it. I came to the conclusion that corny exercises help a lot in relationship building. Plus, if you are with the person you appreciate, everything should be fun.

Session 3:

We started off by drawing our family trees. This activity was good because we learned a lot about each others families. Obviously. One thing that I can tell you guys is that her family does not own a pet. On the other hand guys, I hope all you readers know about Yodi! Anyway, while I was figuring out my family tree, I realized that I did not know many names and ages of people in my family. But please forgive me, my mother has eight siblings. Somehow, I finished it and it was pretty accurate. As you can see, mine (top) is far more complicated than her family tree.

The activity that came after was probably the most meaningful activity out of everything. The counselors gave us blank white papers and told us to decorate a border. After we had borders, they told us to write each other a compliment. I told her that her smile brightens up my day and that all my stress goes away for a moment, and more. We then had to make another border and had to write each other a secret. I told her about a time in my life when I completely changed from a shy boy who had no friends to a confident young adult doing everything right. A story that may seem cliche, but how music saved my life (I will probably write about this in a future entry). It is a point in my life that not many know about, not even my parents. Anyway, with these two activities finished, we were dismissed. While walking out, Michelle and I told each other how happy these sessions make us; we would always walk out extremely joyful every time.

Session 4 (Last):

The last session =(. Although these sessions take up precious free time every Tuesday, I was really sad that it was soon ending. I liked it because I had fun but also because I knew that it made Michelle happy. Anyway, Michelle was in a bad mood this day; she felt sick and was feeling down because coffee sometimes does that to her. And to make everything better, one of the counselors (the fun and experienced one) was late. So we were stuck with an inexperience counselor working by herself which made it a bit boring. Our first activity was to draw a flower and write inside the pedals things that have changed within our relationship because of the sessions and what we should still fix. During this activity, Michelle was being very difficult: she sat down and did not do anything. LOL. Since I am such a nice guy and since I knew she was not feeling well, I did the whole activity by myself and acted as if nothing was wrong in front of the counselors. I made it seem like Michelle was contributing so that the counselors would not suspect anything.

After much hard work, we started the second activity. It was a game to find out how well we know each other. So for example, when the counselor said “favorite food” we would write our own answer on the bottom and what we thought the other person’s favorite food was on top. If you got it right, you would get a point. Another question was “What would you miss the most if you guys were long distance?” We both put “Everything.” You know what it is. Finally, when all the questions were asked, Michelle had more points than me and I had to give her a prize. She wanted me to make her dinner so I will have to do this once in the near future.

I am so glad I got a chance to attend these sessions. It was an opportunity in which Michelle and I were able to grow as a couple. We were able to look into what may happen in the future, how we could become a better couple, and learn stuff about each other that we did not know of. I really recommend couple enrichment to every couple, especially if you go to Syracuse University. I thank our counselors for leading us and hsowing us a great time. I asked them “Why did we have so much fun when other couples say it was intense and often break up?” They responded “We went easy on you. We sensed that you guy are really healthy and had no problems to bring up. You deserved to have a great time.” Michelle and I bought them chocolate and handed them a card each. They told us we were the first to ever do that. We ended our last session with a group hug. <3

Bottom: Monica
Top: Natasha, Michelle, Me

I should be dead asleep right now, but I don’t feel like it yet. Maybe after this.

I do get jealous when people get nice compliments that just boost up someones day or their confidence. Not I’m not saying that they shouldn’t get it, but I would be nice if I get something nice and unexpected once in while. Something from someone different, that way I would know that you’re not just saying because you are my friend and that you are obligated to say such thing. Something nice that I might not have known that someone thought that about me. I’m always so down on myself so it would be nice to hear something like that. A change. This may link to the last posting. Something out of the ordinary that would happen that would put a smile to my face because it is just that nice. Being flattered is nice though a lot may not be the best. I can’t remember when the last time I got an unexpected flatter attack from anyone. Especially from the opposite sex. Maybe this is just about attention from guys? I don’t get much. I’m always just the girl in class or someone they see. Sigh. When will it change?

Complimenting a superior, whether it be a teacher, boss, or parent, has become almost obsolete because of the  brown-nosers.  Ass kissing was, in its early and healthy stages, a legitimate tactic in both the workforce and academic fields.  It was a tool employed by ambitious yes-men and gentlemen alike.

The kissing of corporate or faculty ass has become so transparent and expected that it is not only almost obsolete in many offices and classrooms, but it is shunned, even by those on the receiving end.  Without proper work ethic to prop it up, kissing ass was and is never the respectable way to propel oneself to the top.  The kiss was abused by employees and students looking for a free ride, and like a virus that spreads too quickly, the system essentially shut down.

There is a better way…

If you feel close enough with a superior to compliment them, do so.  Just ask yourself the following two questions:  How are you delivering the message?  And more importantly, How are they receiving it?

Me: (looking at myself in the mirror) Wow, I actually look pretty tonight!

J: What are you talking about?…you look pretty all the time.

Awwwww! Isn’t he sweet?

Mensen complimenteren niet dikwijls genoeg.
Je denkt ‘o wat een leuk persoon’, maar zegt het niet.
Spijtig nochtans, wat dat is toch altijd leuk om te horen en ook leuk om te weten dat je iemand anders blij maakt?

De regel werkt als volgt: hoe meer complimentjes je uitdeelt, hoe meer je er krijgt (proefondervindelijk getest!)

Er is echter 1 kleine voorwaarde: zeg waarom je iets vindt.
Zeg dus niet ‘wat een mooie trui’, maar wel ‘wat een mooie trui, de kleur past goed bij je ogen’.
Dat komt geloofwaardiger en oprechter over.

Echt waar: probeer het gewoon!
1 dag desnood en kijk wat het resultaat is.
Je zal niet ontgoocheld zijn!

(en leer ook een compliment in ontvangst te nemen. Wij Belgen, hebben daar wel eens last mee, we zijn veel te bescheiden!
Als iemand je leuk vindt bijvoorbeeld, zeg dan niet dat dat komt omdat je gedronken hebt, maar zeg ‘bedankt, dat is leuk om te horen’. )

(deze blogpost is opgedragen aan de persoon die me vandaag zei dat ik hem aan het lachen maakte en daarmee mijn dag volledig goed maakte, bedankt!)

Here is an example list of both good habits and bad habits– good habits which you can follow and the bad ones which you can avoid:

GOOD HABITS(to embrace):

– Feeding your mind with good messages from books, audios or any other form of input.

– Eating healthy diet, eating moderately and eating at proper time.

– Exercising daily according to your doctor’s prescription. (Any form of exercise that you like).

– Never-give-up in any situation on a daily basis.

– Telling the truth and being honest at all situations.

– Appreciate and compliment others where it is due.

– Being punctual and respecting others time.

– Opening up your spiritual account and putting savings in to it, day after day.

– Having a reading session with your family.

– Never retaliate or pay back anyone who has done some injustice to you.

– Having a great interest in ones family, and respecting ones spouses and children’s rights and being a good dad or mom by listening to a child’s need.

– Being a sincere student by completing tasks on time, taking real interest in the subject and helping others students with her or his studies.

– Making others feel comfortable and happy.

– Helping others whenever it is possible for you.

BAD HABITS (TO AVOID):

– Being over-indulgent any form of activities.

– Thinking that one has to win every single time to succeed in life.

– Passing judgments on others.

– Thinking that one has reached his/her limits in life and don’t have a chance to grow any further, may be because of age or economy or any other circumstance which one may think has put an end to his/her growth.

– Addicted to smoking and excessive alcohol consumption.

– Drug addiction of any sort.

– Passing the buck—nothing beneficial could ever come when one blame others unreasonably or unnecessarily.

– Playing favorites and not treating others equally.

– Allowing your mind to think negative and lifeless low level thoughts.

– Thinking that others are superior or inferior to you.

– Not listening to others while they talk.

– Using sarcasm on others as a way to belittle them or to have fun.

– Having “borrowing money” as ones vocation.

– And trivial but significant things like nail-biting, hair pulling, nose picking, chocolate and ice creams as a regular habit.

“You put your efforts to form your good habits first, and then they put their effort to form you, your life and your success.”

The good habits make you beautiful and the bad habits make your life an ugly one, and it’s now certain that you are the master who is to have a bunch of good habits in your repertoire!

Good or bad, as a master yourself you choose them!!

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

Wish you all the riches to come with God’s blessings

Peter Anand