]]> http://hoardingwoes.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/hoarding-woes-never-seems-clean-enough/ Sat, 02 Jun 2012 04:26:49 +0000 SwittersB http://hoardingwoes.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/hoarding-woes-never-seems-clean-enough/

The remnants of many dead animals, lots of moisture, flies, heavy odors and just filth linger at my Aunt’s outside. It begs attention, especially now that we are moving toward the sales. One thing leads to another. It will fall upon me to do most of this cleaning up while everyone else prepares to set up tables and start the process of removing all that stuff we put into boxes and pricing it. Much will have to be cleaned up a bit too to remove that certain odor.

Everything begs deep cleaning, but as you do this sort of things you have to be careful…just like that kitchen floor to stay off it for awhile and let it dry and do not traipse dirty shoes over the just mopped tiles!

There are many existing buffet tables (the 6′ to 8′ heavy beasts that caterers use). But, there is a need for more, so sheets of plywood will have to be cut to width to form tables and also create a shelf in back…you’ll see what I mean soon. A second canopy/tent has been purchased like the one in the back yard, which now currently houses all that storage locker stuff.

Gutters and down spouts need to be cleaned and fixed that have been allowed to spill water and make a mess of things. More rain is coming the next few days too. 

So, admittedly the staging and plans are a bit fuzzy right now. I imagine we will set things up and have to adjust along the way to fix problems we didn’t perceive at first. Can’t say slow and easy right now…but definitely easy does it on the stress load so we can sustain this long haul.

On a lighter note, the last remaining patio furniture pieces were happily purchased by a woman, who was retro-ing her patio to match how her grandparents use to furnish with the old style aluminum glider, lounge recliner and rocker. She fortunately brought the big rig and loaded four pieces inside with inches to spare. That is a huge relief now.

Down into the basement we went. Through much effort we found a most likely entry point into a  wall. Behind stacks and stacks of stuff and shelving there was the fuse box. The patient electrician crawled to the wall and inspected the box. ‘Good to go’ he said, but added the mountain of stuff would have to be moved by his return trip this weekend. Of course, I thought.

Anyway, that will be great and my son, Tony, is doing great trim work around the garage door. That area will be painted too. Lighting will be installed along the driveway and outlets too. Currently (‘currently’, get it? never mind) there are no outside outlets or lighting fixture save by the front and back doors.

This necessary lighting will add to safety and a sense of openness that has been sorely missing. Now is the time for us to truly deep clean the staging areas and then set up tables and racks to exhibit the stuff. As you may know, we just had the sale for the patio-yard furniture (a pretty good success I might add). I noticed that things were not quite as tidy as I would have liked and there are still smell emanating from nooks and crannies that smells of decay and rot. I really need to dig those out and remove the odors. Nicer presentation will make things look more inviting and less offensive to the eyes and nose.

Do you need a water can? My Aunt loved her plastic water cans….so much that there are/were over fifty such cans. Lots and lots of them, mostly cracked from the elements. Go figure. She liked her flowers, she liked her water cans.

There was a lot of boxes wedged into that large tent. The plan was to sort the boxes as we moved them from the storage locker and only retain what seemed worthy of resale and donate the rest, if suitable. Almost everything was retained and donations were also made.

There was/is a lot of stuff that came out of the storage locker and into the tent in the back yard.

Well, we are dealing with cardboard boxes, weight, moisture and shifting molecules I ‘spose. Slowly the load inside the tent shifted and bad ju ju prevailed.

As you can see the rear of the tent is askew. The boxes have collapsed against the back of the tent. The boxes are wet and the tent is dipping backwards against the tarps and ropes I secured against any shifting.

Rearing up in front like an angry tent…the legs are a good foot off the ground because of the collapse in the rear. Of course, the contents in front have had water seeping in beneath the tarp.

Headed to Costco today to see, hopefully, they still have these oversized canopy-tents. Will need one for the driveway. Prepared the neighbors about this because we do not want to wear them out with traffic, noise, visual blight and intrusion. Everyone seems mostly tolerant right now. We want to maintain good relations in order to get through the cleanup.

The garage, of my Auntie’s house, has been symbolic. Actually, so many parts of the place are symbolic of something…of what was. The garage is now symbolic of what is to become in the never ending cleanup process. The garage was buried with stuff for decade upon decade. It was sealed off with plywood, plastic and box upon box of stuff. Once cleaned out, the original garage door was uncovered. Opened and used as a giant shelf on its’ top side, it was full of metal parts, wood and I won’t bother to describe how much animal feces. It bowed in the middle from years of inappropriate weight stacked on the door. Now it is gone. A new door is installed. The cleanup around it will continue to remove nails, big metal hooks, plastic remnants and peeling paint. The ability now exists to secure the inner garage. Better lighting will be added next week. 

Early tomorrow morning, signs will be stapled to telephone poles. Arrows will point toward the target zone. Another day will be spent attempting to make room by selling off more stuff. Once that is done, the BIG PUSH will commence to display in earnest on a grand scale. 

Well that little spin cycle of hoarding, my Auntie, was apparently aware of what she was stacking in an entangled mess of metal in her back yard. Much of the tangled mess is actually much more valuable than we imagined. Some is not, but some is wayyyyyy more than we imagined. Hence the predicament….do we move it at a loss and get rid of it or draw things out trying to sell at a higher price commensurate to the market value. The research to get a better idea of the worth has caused that same quandary my mom and aunt felt. Can you part with it? Do you have to get all it is worth? Or, can we just get it down the driveway to make room? It is so much easier when it is just Christmas decorations, plastic floral arrangements, the umpteenth pressure cooker and punch bowl. Now we are getting down to the level of discerning what we really have. 

Garage door will be installed by weekend. Weekend will be another sale, but it is a holiday weekend. We shall see. Maybe eBay is a better option than Craigslist/Street signs.

As you may remember, she inspected all food garbage as I left the house. It was not enough to open the bag and let her peer inside. It had to be dumped out on the floor by the front door and inspected for something she might need later. So, the commitment to let me start on the driveway was a big deal. The smelly, dead animals helped expedite the process. And, after much effort the driveway was clean. 

Then it wasn’t as more debris came down the driveway to the awaiting drop boxes and with it dirt and stuff. Repeatedly, the driveway has ebbed and flowed like the tide with stuff. Today, the plan was to clean the driveway as best we could and then fill it up with patio/outdoor furniture for a sale this week.

A short moment in time………………

The momentary space was quickly consumed by patio furniture. What you see is about 2/3rd’s of the available stuff. More awaits a vacancy of space…and we know that will be filled. Hopefully all this will march right on down the driveway.

The Garage Door guy returns tomorrow morning to finalize an installation plan. 

Sorry, took a little break here to deal with some things. It affected my ability to write in a “good mood.”

It’s tough to know what to let go and what to hang onto. It’s a very large neutral zone between driven goal achievers and obsessive creeper. It’s like rom-coms and love songs. They’re romantic if the couple want each other and if not, it’s bring out the personal defense weapons scary. Some romantic songs are really stalkerish and mentally manipulative when you see just the lyrics.

The problem is that I’ve hoarded things most of my life, I want to save memories of the good times. Or I take all the free usable shit I think I can resell later. Or I buy shit at closing sales and swap meets when it’s in excellent condition at a 10th of what value I’ve seen it go for elsewhere. There are phases I’ve gone thru when I bought a lot of shit, really and now I’m trying 4-5 major ways to sell things w/ my limitations to get the most I can for these things. And I don’t think I have high standards, I want to break even, ideally, or at least get half down to 40%, thinking that’s the value I “rented” at that I’d accept.

I’ve seen some hoarder segments on you tube since I don’t have cable. I’d probably watch both hoarding shows if I had cable. My home never got that bad, piling on everything til it looks like Joe Franklin’s office. I had everything in boxes, mostly from that couple of years where I moved a whopping 3 times. I had things scattered in different places around Vegas. And a couple of years ago when I finally got everything back that I was going to, I had a lot of duplicate things I bought when I couldn’t find what box something was in. I was a box hoarder, I don’t know what term they have for it.

Looking back, I realized everyone in my family has a HUGE collection of some sort. They were raised by my Grandfather who was already poor to start with, working menial jobs around the bay area, let alone raising 4 kids by himself. Did they all become obsessed with possessions to make up for childhood? How did it wear off on me when I was raised to want for nothing.

But what I saw it as was well decorated isolation, if you think prison is too dramatic a word to use. I’m in this condo for a 3rd time in my life trying to get out permanently again. It’s a recurring problem in my life that I also have on the back burner til the money comes in. It’s why I hate that Marty is stuck fixing Hill Valley. It’s why I hate that George Bailey is still stuck in Bedford Falls- where Potter stole (kept) $8k Scott free. It’s why I was ultimately unsatisfied that Dante and Randal bought the Quick Stop. I’d rather be in a smaller fish swimming in a larger lake when it comes to the world.

There are goals I have to be “realistic” about. It’s tough to know what goals are the “best for me,” versus what is a pipe dream “beyond possible.” And I’m tough to shoot down bumper sticker affirmations. Anyone who says “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” obviously hasn’t been to a convalescent home. All the people who believe “you can do anything” can’t explain to me why they aren’t flying around like Superman or have a million dollars or a pussy (or cock) avalanche.

For now, I have to let go of “lofty” goals. I have dreams above what I’ve maintained before. I can remember when I was at the best paying job with the best perks, the best transportation, the best living situation and the best social situation. I have a list of jobs I apply for. I have started from the top of my priority list, but I have even let that go if a shitty job is closer to apply to. I’ve been out of work for a long time, I need to just get a paycheck even if the work does crush my soul. Even if it won’t look good on my “body of work.”

It’s hard for me to let go of the past, but I’m working on that, also. It’s one of the few things that gives me comfort because I can remember good things back there. Things are tough now and I constantly search for reliable financial stability in the future which hasn’t panned out for almost 2 years now. I allot time for the past, so I don’t get lost in it. I work on ways to “enjoy” the present that if anything, also has to be job searching research. I poke in the past for writing research, also.

It’s taken me almost 2 weeks to complete this blog. Part of which was delaying it more mentally debating if it was the topic or my ability to write that blocked me. There were probably several things I had to mentally let go just to finish this & get it done so I could go on to the next topic for blogging.

I suppose that should be about organization next, huh?

While I was away for a few days recreating with nature and trout, Team members went to my Auntie’s house and cleared out stuff and lumber (my father in law has a thing for lumber…all pieces of lumber, large or small…he also has 3 sheds full of lumber and a shop…hmmm?) in anticipation of the garage door company coming in Monday to establish a plan. The timeline here is critical given their schedules and of course ours…wanting to have small sales right now…but the big one at the end of June. OK, time to get back to work and move forward.

And, yes, I did have a good time off and am looking ahead to the next time.

Truly though there was a major life event in my life. It is one of those traumatic ones that we just have to move on from, though also at the same time one that you just don’t ignore.  It is how one copes that is important. The whole process was drawn out over months and so the process of getting through after has also taken time. But we move on and this post is a part of that process. Getting back on with life.

I know many folks actually start down the road of hoarding after losing someone important to them. For me, the hoarding always was. Depression did cause a minor glitch in housekeeping but that glitch was just a small hiccup and not an avalanche.

I know for chronic hoarders “avalanche” is a word that takes on a different meaning. I also know that I am on the less serious end of the hoarding spectrum. Dusty is just working hard not to slip up the spectrum! At one time I was well on my way to heading there towards corridors of newspaper and small nests of fast food packaging neatly stacked and folded. I still have to get a good hold on my recyclables. They are all clean — I still get my cans and most of my bottles out. It is still hard to let go of “neat looking” jars and bottles and large cardboard boxes made from cereal box cardboard or tiny boxes. But! The first thing I do with a bottle or jar is clean it!

Of course my OCD kicks in and I even rinse out my pop bottles (soda bottles for my American cousins) so there isn’t any bug attracting syrup in the bottom of bottles or cans. (even though Dusty drinks diet soda which probably doesn’t attract many bugs — smart bugs…)

However… I need to get out in order to get my plastic storage bins. I need to get out to get a new grocery cart… etc.

Soon… soon…

Dusty
D. Cluttermouse.

Make yourself at home! – Richard Wallace of Westcott.

I’ve just watched two revealing documentaries in successive nights on the topic of hoarding -  Obsessive Compulsive Hoarder on Channel 4 and BBC’s Britain’s Biggest Hoarders.

These are extreme makeover shows where we are afforded the luxury of eavesdropping on the mess of other people’s lives and can thus feel marginally better about ourselves.

What’s clear is that there’s a fine line between collecting and hoarding, between being thrifty and stockpiling useless junk.  ‘You never know when it might come in useful’  is probably one thought that initiates the obsession. If you’re not careful this can become a slippery slope where you are reluctant to dispose of anything.

Alan, a hoarder from St Albans on the BBC programme, was reluctant to part with a collection of clothes hangers on the basis that he didn’t want to go out and buy wire if he needed it.

I once knew someone who never threw away old copies of Radio Times, a collection that took up a lot of space in his garage. I myself have a ‘collection’ of cassettes and video tapes I’ll probably never listen to or watch again.

Newspapers and magazines in general appear to be items people like to cling on to but my conscience is relatively clear on this score.

Jasmine Harman the likeable presenter of the BBC documentary says that hoarding is not recognised as a psychiatric disorder;  a statement slightly undermined by her being able to call upon Dr Caroline Weiss (“a psychiatrist trained in treating hoarders”) and Dr Paul Salkovskis (“one of Britain’s few hoarding experts”).

More practical help came in the shape of Heather Matuozzo who is introduced as a “professional declutterer”.

Professional helpers and caring friends or neighbours are seen handling these eccentric individuals with kid gloves. The therapists are trained to remain patient and unfazed at all times. Their range of things that they regard as “normal” or “natural” is wildly at odds with conventional wisdom. None convinces that they have the capacity to provide practical solutions. They are careful not to use words like garbage or rubbish so, while they might be thinking to themselves ‘How can you live with all this shit?’,  they prefer to play the empathy card and ask things like ‘Can you describe you emotions?  or How does this make you feel?

The psychiatrist who visits Richard Wallace, the subject of Channel 4′s documentary, looked well out of his depth and the only concrete thing that came out of his fact-finding mission was that he called the local fire brigade to provide a health and safety check.

Wallace is an intelligent guy and the fact that his congested shit hole  stuck out like a sore thumb in the otherwise pristine and prissy village in Surrey was a point in his favour. Most of his snooty and smug neighbours were put out by the way he sabotaged their chances of winning the Britain in bloom prize and clearly didn’t a toss about his welfare. The notable exception was landscape gardener, Andy Honey who befriends him and shows him error of his ways in a non patronising fashion.

Jasmine also takes a pragmatic line, looking for ways of changing the behaviour of the hoarders. She has a vested interest in finding a cure for this condition as her mother is a sufferer. Her mom’s common complaint was the lack of storage space and so Jasmine takes the bull by the horns by relocating all the house contents in  a warehouse. Here they are arranged according to category – clothes, utensils, toys etc. Her hope was that her mother would immediately be able to dispose of many items; she is partially successful but the underlying message from both programmes seemed to be ‘ once a hoarder, always a hoarder’.

What comes over is that these lost souls cling to their possessions as though literally filling a void in their lives.  Alan of St Albans says at one point “When it comes to things and family, it’s difficult to draw a line”.  Objects that look useless to the untrained eye are imbedded with emotional significance to the possessor.

If nothing else, these eye-opening programmes should force viewers to take a look around their own homes and assess how much clutter they really need. They certainly gave me the impetus to have a long postponed blitz on my garage this weekend!

Related links:
Suzanne Moore of the TV hoarders (Guardian.co.uk)
Article about Richard Wallace (Daily Mail online)

Compulsive hoarding in a private apartment (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I imagine that my first reaction will be the same as most people who saw the programme, I was appalled by the state of the houses featured, in one house the couple hadn’t seen their living room for two years as the room and doorway were completely blocked, as was the bathroom preventing the family from using the bath or shower. Another man who was featured has asked for help after realising that the level of hoarding was damaging his health. I couldn’t help but think, just chuck it all out! Get a skip (or five) and a ton of bin bags and just bin the lot. How can people possibly live with broken windows, rats, rotting food and not seeing an inch of their floors anywhere in their house for years? But as the programme went on and Jasmine explained what it was like growing up in a house that was always messy, her fears about tidying up and the dread on hearing the door bell ring I realised that hoarding not about just chucking things away or being too lazy to clear up, it really does go much deeper than that.  There is a psychological element to the condition where some sufferers believe that discarding possessions may result in something terrible happening, but as Help For Hoarders website explains, hoarding is not currently defined as a neurological disorder and most go undiagnosed.

I was close to tears watching the long-suffering wife of one hoarder who simply wanted her grandchildren to be able to come over and play, yet I felt equally tearful watching her husband deal with his possessions being thrown away from their overflowing front garden to avoid prosecution from the council. It took just an hour and an in-depth personal account from Jasmine to really open my eyes to this debilitating illness and how terribly ignorant my initial reaction was.

I don’t hoard at all, there are a small number of possessions that I consider to be priceless and would never ever consider getting rid of, and I count myself very lucky to be able to just clear out mine and my daughter’s wardrobes a few times a year to donate to charity. My husband is somewhere in the middle of the scale and seems hell bent on keeping old, washed out t-shirts for ‘decorating’ in. We’ve decorated twice in 12 months and he wore a brand new Next white t-shirt to do so. Still I can remain grateful that he doesn’t have a chronic condition. I think Jasmine Harman deserves much credit and compassion for dealing with such a personal problem in a very public way. Her own plight has open the nation’s eyes to how deep the problem really goes, I hope her website and programme will raise enough awareness to make a difference and bring help to those who need it.

A primary Team member has badly torqued his back. He appears to be lost to us for sometime. This will be a set back for future preparations and heavy lifting.

Used this picture for the ad. Seems inviting enough.

]]> http://hoardingwoes.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/hoarding-woes-making-room-to-make-room/ Fri, 27 Apr 2012 01:51:34 +0000 SwittersB http://hoardingwoes.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/hoarding-woes-making-room-to-make-room/ It has happened but we are a bit bewildered by it all. It doesn’t compute. Not sure I can really explain it. The junk, garbage, crap and waste have pretty much been removed inside and outside. Inside there is little room to move. Even after months of removal and discarding, there is a lack of room to truly stage or sort. How can this be?

It had seemed too soon to have any sales. Much of what we have is not wanted by helping hand organizations. But, it has too much value to just throw away. And, frankly, I don’t want to give anything to the Goodwill type organizations anymore. What to do? We do have to have some early sales to just make space to have the ‘bigger’ better sales. 

A lot of clothing will be donated, even atop what we already have donated. 18 giant plastic bags were filled today with just turtle neck sweaters and vests (to be donated). An aside, a downstairs closet was found to contain the mother load of crap costume jewelry. There are hundreds upon hundreds + of earrings of the gold, costume jewelry variety that must have caught my aunt’s eye. Little glimmering baubles that some how attracted her eye as if a gold coin. Her treasures of sorts.

 There is so much stuff, it cannot all be carted outside into yet another tent or the garage/carport (have to make room for the new garage door). So, the decision was made today to have some smaller, down and dirty sales to just get rid of stuff and donate even more and more. 

See, I told you my explanation would not really explain the predicament inside the house. No room to move more than a few feet in any direction. Stuff being handled too many times to get to new stuff…on and on it goes. 

Team members will remove yet another load of scrap metal from the driveway, in addition to an old refrigerator (remove motor + freon) and old washing machines. Lots of metal yard and wrought iron ‘art’ stuff will be moved early because it takes up lots of room; is dangerous as hell on the shins and becomes a tangled mess after awhile. Making room inside and outside to allow room to really sort through the stuff and spread out a bit is the mission for the next several weeks with an end of June target date for bigger sales. 

There is so much of this type of stuff...piles and piles of it outside. It takes up a lot of room and I am not sure who might want it.

I said I wouldn’t get stressed and I’m not…just others around me are. Slow and easy. 

I can’t explain their popularity on this blog, other than the way a rash of television programs have increased the awareness of the complications about hoarding. However, hoarding issues are typically accompanied by extreme anxiety, depression, isolation, family conflict, self-hatred, chaotic thinking, eating disorders and other problems also common with DID / MPD / trauma survivors.  Many emotional struggles are certainly not limited to the Dissociative population.  Hoarding is probably one of those disorders that the Dissociative community can potentially share with thousands of people more suited to other mental health communities.

It appears that hoarding is a much bigger issue than once officially recognized.  As a social worker who has done many home visits over a span of 25 years, I can say that I have seen hoarding issues repeatedly and yes, in my experience, hoarding is a consistent theme within various mental health populations, including dissociative trauma survivors.

How do we address these issues?
Does the professional “helping” community understand the depths of what is involved?
Do the mental health professionals really know what is needed?

On the various Hoarders shows that I’ve watched on television (such as “Hoarders” on A&E, and “Hoarding: Buried Alive” on TLC), most of these processes are expected to be completed within a matter of a few short days.  The interventions are quick, intense, and highly dramatic.  The hoarders have obvious struggles, and the gains made in their homes and living situations are typically significant and impressive, even if only one or two rooms demonstrate the successful changes.

Over the past few months, I’ve been thinking a lot about the groups of people that experience the anxiety, stress, distress, personal gains, relief, and emotional freedom from having professional organizers empty their houses.  There are many groups of people, in addition to the hoarder community, that may require assistance in emptying or reducing the amount of items located within a specific property or home.  These issues could surface in extremity, for example, after someone dies (especially when there is no one to inherit the stuff), or during a divorce settlement, or after a bankruptcy, or prior to moving to new home, or downsizing from a large home to a small home, or for any other reason people may decide to liquidate their possessions.

To me, just cleaning out a messy closet is a big job!  Emptying, or organizing an entire property is an enormous job! It’s an overwhelmingly huge job.

Recently, I hired some professional sales assistants to help me to downsize / sell many of the items from my home / office in order to prepare for a new phase of my life.  My children are grown up, and each has moved into their own homes as adults, giving me all kinds of options for what to do with the physical space that lives around me.  I don’t particularly like the “empty nest” phrase, and yet for the first time in dozens of years, I have more freedom to do whatever I want to do, wherever I decide to do it.  It’s exciting, and yet very weird feeling all at the same time. That’s all a long story, of course, and it has taken several months (years?!!) of hard work to sort through those kinds of things, including what to do with all the leftover “stuff” that everyone has grown out of.

I took weeks of time to pull out the cherished treasures I wanted to keep, and then left the rest for the organizers to pick through, and to present in the way they created a sale for the masses of people they invited to come dig through my things.  As much as I thought I had already selected my most important items, it was never that easy, or that clear.

“Wait!  Wait! Maybe I want to keep THAT afterall!”

Or, “Wait!  Where did you find that?  I didn’t SEE that before.  Give me that back!”

Or another rough part was seeing my things just tossed in the trash.  Can you believe that my favorite coffee cup ended up in the trash?!!  My FAVORITE one!  I thought I was going to have a melt down right then and there!

Breathe, Kathy, breathe!
Count to 10.
Ok, count to 100, lol.

The whole process was not anywhere near as fun as I had thought it might be.

In fact, it wasn’t fun at all.

It was really painful and horrible, to say the least.

And I chose to do it.  It wasn’t forced upon me.  It was MY IDEA.  ( yeesh, lol).

This changing, transitional experience has been much more complicated and emotional than I ever expected it to be, giving me all kinds of fodder for blog articles, and a much deeper understanding of the intensity felt by hoarders as they go through their housing changes.  Even though I had lots of time to prepare prior to my professional organizers arriving, and I was not forced into making these decisions in any way at all, I found myself having far more struggles, and feeling intense emotional turmoil, and frequently overwhelmed with memories (both good and bad) while sorting through the rooms of stuff.  Wow.  Yeeesh.  Gee Whillakers!  Jiminy Crickets!!  It was a much more difficult experience than I would have ever imagined it would be.

One thing is for sure.  For any television production company to expect to go through and toss away / give away 80 – 90 % of a hoarders belongings over a period of just a few days is just ridiculously cruel.  Most people — especially those that tend to be collectors in the first place — are not ready to let go with that much finality that quickly, or that easily.  There is no wonder the hoarders on the television shows have so many emotional outbursts – the whole process is set up exactly to create that kind of emotional conflict within them.  I suppose that makes for interesting television, but it is not very kind to the hoarder.

My experience of working with professional organizers also reminded me of some of the stories I have heard over and over from many of my clients with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID / MPD).  Let me ask you a few questions.  Can you relate to any of these experiences?

As children or teenagers, or even as adults, have you felt violated when your parents or caregivers or family members rifled through your belongings without your permission to do so?

How invasive did it feel to have people touching your things when they were not invited to do so?
How powerless did you feel to see this, and to know you couldn’t stop it from happening?

How did this affect your personal boundaries?
How did it affect your ability to feel like something – anything – belonged to you, and to only you?
How did it affect your privacy, or lack of having any privacy?

When your boundaries were disrespected and exploited, what did you to do cope with the feelings you had?

With whatever trauma and / or neglect you experienced in your life, did you develop a greater attachment and emotional connection to physical items and personal items as a way to bond with something / anything?  Or did the repeated violations leave you distanced and unattached to your personal items, able to easily walk off, staying coldly disconnected and apathetic to having anything of your own?

How would you feel if someone took your things from you?  Or if someone threw your favorite items in the trash?  Or if someone broke an item that you cherished?  Would you have an anxiety attack?  Would you be angry?  Would you withdraw inside, crashing into depression?  Would you find yourself switching from insider person to insider person?

Does it feel good and more under your own control to keep the amount of your personal belongings to a minimum?  Does that feel safer for you, or does that feel like deprivation?  Do you prefer to have bunches of things, feeling safer being surrounded by stuff?  Does having layers of stuff feel like layers of protection?

How do victims of floods, fires, tornadoes, and earthquakes, or other natural disasters feel after suddenly losing all of their stuff?  Even if they evacuated with a few things, how would it feel to lose so much, so quickly?

It is interesting to explore these questions with yourself.  If you aren’t sure what some of the answers would be, try creating the situation, and let yourself experience it first hand.  Experience having someone else / something else take your cherished items from you.  Chances are, many of you reading this blog have already experienced these situations in your life.  But if you haven’t experienced this, don’t judge other people’s reactions and their big feelings about having “house invaders” mess with their things.  These experiences are a lot more difficult than you might have ever realized.

It certainly was for me.

Kathy

Copyright © 2008-2012 Kathy Broady and Discussing Dissociation

The ‘Team’ that I have often referred to has been a fluid mix. In total, 10 trusted friends have endured the mind boggling, back breaking endeavor to clean up the two massive hoarding homes of my mom and now my aunt. We did, for the final wrap of at my mom’s allow a 10 person crew from the outside to come in for the staging of the estate sale, but beyond that a small nucleus of people have stepped up each time.

At first, it was just my wife and maybe, rarely, a son. My wife and I did the most work the first four months at my mom’s house. In the end, that lead to us both getting sick, seriously injured and mentally exhausted. It was the worst of the worst smell, sanitation, mentally wise. Because, we came to a grinding halt we figured we would rest up and start back up in short order. We didn’t.

 Several months went by and the cleanup process loomed. My wife and I were at a stand still and not really talking about it. We both silently suffered the anxiety of ‘what are we going to do?’ Eventually, via providence, others started volunteering to help and I gradually agreed to accept the help. 

These stalwart Team members were amazing. They now all have jobs and volunteer commitments that have removed them from the mix. They miss the action, but life for young ones has begun. I will never be able to thank them enough for all their efforts last year.

It has never been many at once. Three at most offers to come over and assist us. Family members come and commandeer a friend to come along. For my mom’s, given the amount of destruction and waste the cleanup was a killer. For my aunt’s house the outside was equally filthy and harsh. However, the interior cleanup is cleaner as far as smells, chaos and mental over load. Both houses have had truly huge amounts of stuff. We sold a ton at my mom’s yet had to discard a much greater amount of damaged goods (water, mildew, mold damage). My aunt’s stuff is, for the most part inside the home is in good shape.

The Team has had to work through injuries. Of the ten that have volunteered, nine have pre-existing injuries of the back/shoulders variety. All of the nine have had surgeries and need surgeries now.

The motivation to help has been genuinely from friendship, but I have paid everyone that has helped (cash/goods). The conditions have ranged from freezing cold, icy, slippery, mud and muck to stifling heat over a 100 degrees and gagging smells. I have been impressed time and again at their loyalty and pride to press forward. It is so easy to want to sit, to just quit. It just seems never ending, like a mountain trail that never will reach the top. You attack a portion of the stuff and you think in terms of clearing space forward (horizontally) but it is also vertically. Everything cascades into the previously cleaned or gained space. It is easy to re-handle the same stuff as you sort through things especially if there is no place to precariously balance something of value. So, the mental endurance required is every bit as important as the physical endurance.

I have said it before…you must take care of the volunteers. It can be dangerous work (trips, slips, falls, chemicals, cuts, cascading stuff, lifting injuries, contaminates) and it does take a toll mentally. Hydration, food, appreciation will nourish them and hopefully keep them helping.

 The Team, now, have jobs also; they’re older.  They have become even more accomplished at inspecting, sorting, repackaging for sale and doing the dirty work. 

Everyone marvels at the evolution of the homes. The transformation. They need to see it…to believe it is actually doable. Everyone that has ever participated has spoken with respect about the women that created these messes. There is a definite degree of respect for those two gals who carried every single piece of stuff onto their property….’how did they ever carry all this stuff?’

 Yes indeed! How did they transport, carry, stack all that stuff year after year?

If you lose a Team member or most of them, you will feel alone. Like an ‘empty nester’ of sorts, the lack of energy and the slowed pace of accomplishment can impact you as well. What took a long, hard day to accomplish with 3-4 Team members will now take much longer and it won’t be as ‘fun’. No teasing, no laughter, no easing of the mental burden that goes with a hoarding cleanup. 

We have been blessed to have had the Team members endure as long as they have. The sales loom now. The cleanup is progressing at a much slower pace in the months to come. Now the Team members (whomever they will be) will sort, price, stage, sit and wait for customers to walk up the driveway. Visiting, small talk, dickering, taking cash, making change, saying thanks will become the norm. Patience will still be important, but brawn will be less important.

My wife was talking to a lady the other day and the topic of the hoarding homes came up. The woman quickly, too quickly, launched into a passionate request to get involved in the cleanup. Now I get various offers to help in these projects, usually from the well intentioned or the person wanting to get a look see at the stuff…hoping to grab onto their favorite find. I usually turn people down for security reasons or the timing is off.

Abeles Conundrum

Well, this lady’s passionate plea for involvement soon revealed her unabashed revelation that she is a ‘hoarder’. “Yes, I think I might be a hoarder” she said. She moaned at the idea we had just off loaded a storage locker and said she wished she could afford a large storage locker. Her house if full. She offered to help price stuff because in her frequent travels she had developed a good sense of current pricing and value. Hmmm? Sounds like my mom and aunt.

The gal is nice enough and well spoken and vouched for by others as trustworthy. My obvious question is should I involve her in our hoarding cleanup if her intent is to garner more stuff in trade for her efforts? Is that my problem? Or, am I feeding the addiction? Maybe the several year immersion into this cleanup process has me extra sensitive to outcomes now. Will have to think about this during the continued hiatus for R & R.

Oh it can be the damper on a blog, but I need to alert you that the Team will be temporarily slowing down the next few weeks to mend, to recreate, to slowly work inside the hoarding home, to get a garage door installed. And, this will not require a marshalling of forces for a bit. So, I hope you are signed up for this blog to receive updates of when I post. If anything monumental comes about that will benefit the viewers I will certainly write about it. Please comment on any topics. I do receive an email when you comment. Thank you! & Bless all of you!

Here are just a few such items that come to mind off the top of my head that are/were present in such numbers as to defy any supply/demand or personal need calculations: wigs, empty yogurt and cup of noodles containers, clip on earrings (1000′s of the little bobbles), keys (other people’s keys), electric appliance cords (really old ones), lids to kitchen ware (no bottoms), square bladed shovels (three dozen at least), wrought iron anything, plastic watering cans, plastic flowers, women’s fleece vests, size L, at least 50 of these in the living room (my Aunt was an XS, but wore the L down to her knees on her 4’11″ frame), walkers, metal canes (one was situated every five feet inside the house, up on the piles…dozens more buried beneath the piles), thousands of decaying plastic containers that plants come in, thousands of plastic bags shoved into plastic bags…which animals loved chewing and tearing to a tattered mess to make cozy nests to live and die in, pressure cookers, punch bowl sets…………………………………………………..

The patterns have evolved with my Aunt as they did with my Mom. They defy our logic (the whole thing obviously defies conventional logic or common sense…that’s why we are in the mess we are in) but reflect some inner sense they had for maybe value, worth or personal need and comfort. In the meantime, we will probably utter the expression ‘That’s weird’ more than once as we empty the storage locker and assess the contents.

Here, I started consolidating the metal furniture into a large pile to make room for the tent, where I was standing.

The metal furniture covered.

The Team members started moving portions of the frame into place.

The frame was assembled over the muddy yard.

I left the side panels off  for now to see if things dry out a bit more. If it rains or not, Saturday morning we will cover the muck with plywood and thick plastic tarps and side walls before loading the boxes in. The tent will not be able to handle all the contents of the storage locker (maybe 2/3′s). At any rate, it was nice to get the tent up tonight.

At points where abrasions had taken their toll, the top canopy easily tore.