I still can’t believe I married my high school boyfriend in July. It has been 11 years since we are graduated and we didn’t see each other for 9 years of it! How did love survive… no, not survive, grow!? I actually have a couple of hypotheses:

1) If there really is “The One” or if really two people can belong to each other than he is my “One” and/or we belong to each other. Than it was only a matter of time that our lives crossed again and this time  never to split. (Hmm… is it too strong an argument?)

2) We indeliberately “shaped” each other with our criticisms as first boyfriend and girlfriend. You know, it hurts most when you are an adolescent. You define what you want to be when you are at those ages. And we really loved each other then. Not as sweethearts but as great friends. Romance came after. Then we were separated because it was time for university; separate universities. I had several other boyfriends and he had many (!) other girlfriends. And apparently, we couldn’t find what we were looking for. I know that I gradually became the lover he wanted me to be, and he became the lover I wanted him to be. Then, again, it was a matter of time…

Having a scientific background, I like it when I am rational. It is not to say I am not emotional, though. I am seriously emotional when it is rational to be so. An I am really good at rationalizing things (Well, you will find it out as you read more of my confessions!). Therefore, I stand closer to the second hypothesis. The best part is, both have the same result: I am a happy newlywed!

Oh, also an expat. An expat in Dubai. And this is where my daily struggle begins. No matter how happy you are, being a newlywed is a tiring and stressful thing. Adding to that, being an expat is not easy. So I am left with many things to complain, cry about and, yes, CONFESS…

insert rant here\\\

Been writing devotions for an event we are hosting. Somewhere between my leadership, my pride, and God’s desire, I decided to write the daily devotions personally. Could of gotten 30 great Psalms and sent them out each day, could of s used one of many the devotional books I have. But no, each day I wrangle down a few scriptures from God. Then find out what God wants to say through these scriptures, not easy either. We are on day 27 right now, praise God!

Some days it comes easy like turning on a light switch. Others, I spend most of the day trying to figure it out. Can’t emphasis how much of a struggle it was today. Finally after second guessing the scripture reference He told me at 7am, He leads me to another passage emphasizing the same concept, Acts 3:6 then Acts 14:8. Amazingly assured, I ratta tatted the half page about healing and am done with that for the day. 3 more days of devotions then who knows…

/// end rant

These are a few poems from a series I’m working on called “Coffee Bums”.

Common Day Warfare

That twat
white-buttoned-business shirt
and a hideous tie
with his child’s face dancing
in an overly confident
future-douche-of-America
grin.

He says, “Watch it asshole!”
as I sit next to
the entrance of the
coffee house I often frequent.

Asshole– spending ten bucks
for a morning routine– eating
scones
and pissing over priced
lattes– he walks out
hits me with the door
a second time
at full force,

“Watch It Fucker!”

I stand up and he turns around
I’m red fuming and I leave my
chair and walk inside
and go up to see my friend
laughing at the counter.

“Did you see him this time, Jack?
Did you get him?”

“Yea, It was a brute, big and chewy–
you know the mucus that comes from
a good cold!”
He coughs into his
sleeve and laughs again.

“Asshole…” I say.
Jack slips me my favorite brand
of saliva free coffee,

and I put my mercenary
five in the tip jar.

In Need of a Beer

Jack had off today
I had to pay for my coffee–
the old lady, wrinkled and smelling of formaldehyde,
gave me the wrong size
cup again.– Fancy sizes
are for over compensating pricks
that find the English language filthy
because of their ignorance to linguistic aesthetics!

They never sat down to ponder the beauty of the word “medium”
(no, it’s not as beautiful as soliloquy, fellatio,
alcoholic elixir, or a can of beer)
but it works and it’s what I ordered in
plain ol’
Standard English.

Old Wrinkly Wench– too bad she didn’t
have better fortune of either staying young and
useful,
or dying earlier because
she forced me
into wasting my cash and my
breath.

I didn’t get my free refill because
I decided
to go to the
bar
instead.

Broken AC

So many students sit around
pretending to be creative–

a new scruffy, but yet well dressed
man sits at a table sketching this girl
across the room as she ignorantly
sips her coffee. His hands, his face
and his paper cup smudge black w/
frustration sweat and charcoal.

three kids are off holding claim
on the couches reading classics
Hemingway, Shakespeare, and one
Jane Austin. All look tired
and they each constantly looking away
as they sip their coffee. A chain of yawns
thinking of papers in stead of plots
and making dinner plans instead of
understanding. They too are covered in
sweat.

There are several poets sitting, one
a girl, sitting silent across the table
all dressed in slightly eccentric colors
and another dressed in a Gothic black
they’re all sweating their asses off drinking
sweltering coffee, with exception of one drinking
an iced latte with caramel (the smart one)
and
then there is I–

documenting our
bullshit starving artists in the
“rich” part of town.
I’m unshaven and slightly scattered
but definitely daily showered.
My hands blue with ink
my face wet with sweat.

I walk up up to the counter
and ask him for just a cup
of iced water.

He’s also sweaty and dragging
only says “yeah, the air will
be back tomorrow”

I say my goodbyes and decide
it’s better to sweat outside
than to die inside

at least out there
the birds, bugs, and bears
will be able
to eat me.

Why I’m thankful for my boyfriend:

He puts up with my crazy.

He can reach things that are high up.

He’s pretty darn smart.

Sometimes he picks me up, and that’s fun.

He’s a super good cook.

He’s vegan.

He loves me.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone especially all of my regular loyal callers. I want to thank you all for making this a wonderful year. So remember from now until the end of the year it’s 1.00 a min with a 15 min minimum. You MUST ask though.

Nikki

1-877-770-7021

www.accomplicenikki.com

Aim or Yahoo: accomplicenikki

This ain’t a song for the brokenhearted
No silent prayer for the faith departed
And I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud

It’s my life!

It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I’m alive

It’s my life!

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way

These are my confessions
If I’m gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
and damn near cried when I got that phone call
I’m so thrown, I don’t know what to do
But to give part two, oh my

Better stand tall
When they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break
Baby, don’t back down

These are my confessions
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever

These are my confessions
I just wanna live while I’m alive

It’s my life

Just when I thought I said all I can say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way

These are my confessions
I just wanna live while I’m alive

It’s my life!

Its been a while since i last blog and i must say i have indeed been busy with a number of activities and guess what, i just saw the latest change of happy meals, avatar. Eventhough i dont know the movie or such but seeing the toys made me so eager to collect them and be the movie fan. hahaa i know im being childish but hey, everyone has their kiddy side hahah.

So today we leave workplace earlier for family day at Sengkang communituy club and wow i really feel so family incline with everyone. And  i really mean everyone. Haidar and kevin was such a good fren that they assist me alot today so i decided to assist them in their task also.

Chee meng is the funnier one, always popping out somewhere and making jokes to cheer us up. John was as always….a good leader. I can keep on naming names but then it will never been an ending ones so i will just say premjeet…thank you for coming and to all, you made me smile hahaha.

A miracle happen. I was at the midst of going out just now to do some paperwork when my bicycle tyre punctured. Sigh…i still am determined to do my paperwork so i walk and hmmm it rain….Yes i know and i know…perhaps destiny insist in me staying at home today haha but then as i was about to make my way to some shelter, the rain stops and it became super bright and sunny.Wow… Talking about miracle. Thank you creator. You made my path easier…

I saw something funny…there is this enthu promotor that they even paste their banner on a tree hahahaa..i was laughing non stop hahahaa

**********************************************

” Its been a while you live with your immoral act and ruthless behaviour. Maybe its time you are being corrected so that you will learn that not everything can go your way.

I can be just like you but then i realise unlike you, i have class .

Its time…. “

*********************************************

Saturday is fast approaching and im super eager to choreograph my male dancers steps…

Cheers my dears…

“I am, I’m too fabu-lous I’m so, fierce that it’s so nuts I live, to be model thinDress me, I’m your manne-quin

J’adore Vivienne, habillez-moi Gucci, Fendi, et Prada. Valentino, Armani too. Merde I love them Jimmy Choo.”

What better Christmas than you have my list of desired gifts? Yes this is my introduction! Hm Yes i Live in the word of fabulous peoples… Sorry I am a superficial Bitch =)

1. I need a fabulous Boy Friend very sweet, beautifull and God of Sex ( I already, do not be jealous =))
2. In two I want a stilletos moody’s boots. ( in black please =))
3. two skin lelutka in light ( model on demande hha )
4. Big chrismas party with my fabulous friends ( in creation )
5. that I give a damn paparazzi payroll
6. Death of a bitch
7. a request in wedding ( huhu )
8. a week’s holiday with my dear and my friends (most clothes that go with it if it is not funny)
9. a very very very spectial gift by Brother =)
10. a pic by Lulu Jameson =) T__T

for you to play!

_________________________________________________________________________________

In my desperate pursuit of God’s manifest presence in my life these words have been the crux.

“Search your heart for any unclean thing, then…”

I have a confession. I didn’t feel quite like a bride in regards to my hair and make-up on our wedding day. I had one trial the month before our wedding and it was just so hard to work out when we were planning from afar. I actually changed my hairstyle without ever having a trial and thankfully, I really liked how it turned out. I’m not sure what I would have done differently so my regrets aren’t that huge.

Salon Lux worked out perfectly for our group. They have two salons in town, a large one downtown and a smaller cottage one a few blocks away from their large salon which they closed down just for our party that morning. It was PERFECT.

The salon is split up in different rooms like a house and it also had a small garden patio for us to have lunch in.

I love these hair accessory shots below and this one of Becca.

My hair flower was my something borrowed from Jasmin, which she also wore on her wedding day…wasn’t she such a gorgeous bride?

photo by chung photo

Thank you, thank you, thank you Jasmin for the hair flower. I was so nervous to ask her because you never know how someone’s going to react when you want to wear something from their special day, but she was so excited to share it with me. So this was my “something borrowed.”

Speaking of Jasmin…look who welcomed “something new” this past week? Congratulations Joel and Jasmin… I can’t wait to meet Sweet Sophia!

photo by Tim Ahn

p.s.
I still can’t believe this is her dad.

*all photographs (unless mentioned otherwise) by Jenny @ Alders Photography

Fact:  You know you’re a bad singer when even your dogs leave the room during your duet with Kelly Clarkson.

I’m dating someone whose all time favorite song is No Doubt’s “I’m Just a Girl.”

I watched New Moon with my brother and his girlfriend last Sunday night. We had a soccer game earlier that day at BSM so I just met up with them in Tiendesitas. I got to cross C5! Hah. [By the way, if you're a fourteen year old girl and your parents doesn't allow you to commute or anything, crossing a major highway is like a big achievement already.] Anyway, we decided to go to Eastwood since it was nearer and because the movie theaters there are great. The three of us were praying that there wouldn’t be a lot of people lining up to buy tickets. To our dismay, there were lots of people AND the good seats were taken already. So we went to the Eastwood Mall but the lady there said that New Moon was already sold out. Bummer! We had to go all the way back to where we came from. We ended up getting seats in the D row. Another bummer was that I got cramps before the movie started. I was in so much pain, I had to stand up and do some stretching.

(photo from http://www.iwatchstuff.com/)

But I’ve got to say New Moon is way, way better than Twilight. The movie, I mean. Twilight kind of sucked. [And when I watched it--in Eastwood too--I was beside this really boring guy.] The effects weren’t really nice but I’m not saying that the effects in New Moon are more impressive. I think they could still improve it. But, man! Jacob Black improved a lot. Taylor Lautner is so sexaayy in this movie. And I finally fell in love with his character. I think it’s because now I know how Bella must’ve felt when Edward left. I just couldn’t understand her situation when I was reading the book.

I’ve realized that there’s a Jacob in my life too. I have my own Jacob. The only difference between Jacob Black and my Jacob is that he’s a not a wolf. Or if he is, he’s not telling me. But he’s like my lifeline for now. Like what Jacob was to Bella. However, it’s simpler with us. He knows what’s really happening to me and he’s just…there. He’s staying to support me and trying to keep me from falling so deep.

My Jacob is correct more often than not. He’s a good judge of character and he’s decent himself. He appreciates little things and really likes to make a fuss about big things. He’s a great person. I don’t think some people realize that but I’m telling you, he is. Because he’d protect you. Maybe even the whole world if he could do it. He’s sensitive and caring. He would give you a hanky when you cry, ask you to sleep when you’re so miserable and tell you a really bad joke just to make you laugh. He makes my day bearable.

And he’s got this talent of making you feel special. Even if you know you’re just this simple person, he could make you feel as if you’ve got something other people should be jealous of. It’s wonderful! I gotta repeat my line from last week, it’s really good to feel special once in a while. Especially when people constantly walk away from you. It is so confusing and disturbing when it happens, right? But when you have someone that could take away all your doubts about yourself, it’s amazing. My Jacob does that. He restores everything I once had in myself. And I’m very grateful.

I’m still on the wishful thinking phase. I don’t know when I would be completely fine again. I haven’t got all my bearings back yet but things are looking up. I lost one thing already and I might lose a thing or two again during the process but I’m ready to risk it. I’m trying to be a risky girl now. Haha. It’s because I know that as long as I have people like Jacob Black as friends, I’m going to stay sane enough to go on with life.

I know i promised that i would reveal the moral dilemma but not just yet…The ethical dilemma still has some questions that are bothering me and who better to bring my confusion to, than to the blogren

Why did she do it?

Her reason was that she was missing the lustful touch which is reasonable but i suspect the fires quench out after say 3 months? and he’s been gone a year. There was nothing to show that her knee was getting weak, if you know what i mean  However,  Ms Hot and boyfie have been having some problems regarding his ‘hot pants’. Our boy was grabbed by one of Uganda’s exported students scmoozing with a wench that has been out to get him for like 3 years and boy oh boy was Ms Hot MAD!!! She was talking about throwinghim out into the cold blah blah and the crew has been reasoning with her to the point that they were talking again. Was it revenge so that she could at least take him back without the weight of sacrifice hanging round her neck? Was i the sacrificial lamb?

Why did i do it?

Me and Ms Hot have been friends in the same crew for like 3 years now and as friends we have hang out, talked, hugged, shot pool and done what a crew does you know…You cry, we cry together, you laugh, we laugh together, jump out a window, we’ll bury you… While we have acknowledged each other’s hotness  (Yes, by various votes that have been cast over the years, i am good looking, at least by the female species standards. Afterall, the goal is know thyself, is it not?) there has not been any sexual tension or even a slight degree of the wind blowing that side. I would have picked it up…i think… So it was quite a shocker when the proposal was made and i jumped at it like a free weight loss plan that does not require dieting nor exercise. I’m not a serial cheater, moreso, with a mate’s girl. Was it the call of the forbidden fruit? Was it curiosity coz whether you jam or allow, im sure we have wondered how our chick friends kiss or how good their stroke is likely to be or not.

Moral dilemmas are solved by praying and asking forgiveness from God. Ethical dilemmas on the other hand are like niggling habits, attacking your thoughts in a board meeting, weighing you down not only with guilt, but with unanswered questions like those above. In effect, for you to find the answers, you must travel slightly longer on this slippery slope…maybe another kiss to find the answers that surely lay nested. I could leave it at where it stopped and tell her ekintu kyetukozze sikirungi.  Once you understand the moral dilemma, you will understand why i seek to understand this incident for isn’t every man’s goal to know himself and therefore prepare for occurances based not on guess work but on exactly how things will pan out if they are to depend on your reactions. Ya ya ya…ok also to sail on the magic carpet ride one more time but its contribution to my decision is not that significant.

Sentiment permanent d’abandon, angoisse face à la solitude, incapacité à gérer une relation amoureuse, dépendance, instabilité, paranoïa… Une carence affective du nourisson en cause ?

Avez-vous déjà remarqué le comportement d’un animal qui a été abandonné par son maître, même après avoir retrouvé un foyer aimant ? Son traumatisme ne guérira jamais et il passera le reste de ses jours la peur au ventre d’être à nouveau abandonné par celui qui l’a recueilli, et toute sa vie en sera affectée…

Si tel est le cas peut-être êtes-vous apte à comprendre ce que vivent certains d’entre nous, humains.

  Everyone was beginning to arrive, and dinner was almost ready. Everything but the main course, YOU. Yes you are the main course for my little Thanksgiving Feast this year. You will serve everyone or should I say service everyone. You will open up your butt and your mouth. Now get down on your knees bitch the guests are beginning to arrive. Are you ready sissy slut it’s a feast for all.

Nikki

1-877-770-7021

www.accomplicenikki.com

Aim or Yahoo: accomplicenikki