There are days when my life feels like this, when memories fill your head and you can’t get past them.  As much as I try to believe that you can’t change the past, the difficulty lies in if/how you allow the past to affect the present.  Even the most clear-thinking person allows themselves to drift back and wonder “what if..”.

You’ve been reading some old letters

You smile and think how much you’ve changed

All the money in the world

Couldn’t bring back those days.

And all your friends and family think that you’re lucky.

 But the side of you they’ll never see

Is when you’re left alone with the memories

That hold your life together like glue

–  The The “This is the Day”

Something awful will happen if you are out of touch with the people who count. . . NOTHING! –

Be in touch! Make the right connections. Then, do whatever it takes to hold on to them! Maintaining alliances is one of the keys to your success. Staying connected is the essence of achievement!

A synonym for connected is related. When you develop good, close, personal and business relationships with people you are more likely to stay connected. Never take your personal or business relationships for granted. What you take for granted disappears! Keeping in touch is the antidote for taking for granted. Staying connected is proof that the relationship is special! Never let this opportunity slip through the cracks.

Staying connected takes some effort! It requires a follow-up plan for it to work! Face it, if you are going to succeed in the long haul, personal contacts with an effective follow-up plan designed to have them continue must be the cornerstone of your own personal marketing plan. Plan to stay connected and you will stay connected! Connections last only as long as we continue to actively invest in them. Invest in developing relationships that continue!

The number one reason salespeople fail is because they don’t ask for the order. The number two reason salespeople fail is because they do not follow-up on what they get started! Create your own effective follow-up system for keeping connected.

“Love ‘em and leave ‘em!” doesn’t work! In other words, the salesperson who, after making a sale, moves on to what’s next without paying attention to the follow-up loses!

People will go places, do things and go out of their way to associate with people who make them feel important, cared for, worthwhile and in control of their lives. Your challenge is to stay connected and provide those needs for the special people in your life.

Writing notes to friends, customers and clients is an excellent way to stay connected!

Keep your name in front of people. Send them a brochure. Mail them a flyer. Always include a business card! If your friends are doing things that get recognized in the local paper, clip the article and send it to them with a nice note. I usually say, “It’s good to see good friends making good news! Thought you might like to have another copy of the article from the newspaper.”

If someone writes an article for a magazine or newspaper, jot him or her a quick note to let him or her know how the article contributed to you. Send them an extra copy and a business card!

Use the telephone to stay in touch. Having a good reason to call is better than having lots of people to call. Before you pick up the phone, make a brief list of what you want to communicate. Have a specific idea to discuss and be sure that the reason you call is important to the person called.

Keep it brief. Say hello, establish the relationship again, then get to the point, say what you want to say and get off of the phone! One reason people hesitate to use the phone is because they are afraid they will get hooked into a long, drawn-out conversation. If you know what you want to say, this won’t happen. Be prepared! Let them know it is a business call and you have other calls to make. Respect their time and they will respect your time. A brief telephone connection is better than no connection at all!

A top salesperson in one of my seminars said she was having trouble getting off the phone at home in the evenings when someone called her. She was raised to believe that it was rude to end the conversation when someone called you. Professional speaker, Larry Winget, uses a method that has worked well for him in this situation. If the conversation is dragging on, he politely tells the caller, “I know you’re busy, so I better let you go now!” He tells me he has never had anyone argue that they are not busy. It may take a bit of courage for you to do this, but why not do it anyway and see what happens!

Today’s telephones and cell phones may let you run, but they won’t let you hide. They may let you call from anywhere, but the phone at the other end will be smart enough to screen the call and either let you through or banish you to the appropriate answering machine or voice mail and even determine what recording to play for you. Today there are pocket phones. They ring, they beep and some of them even softly repeat your name. They can identify a caller and can even give you a fix on the location of the caller. Privacy becomes an issue. If you want privacy it’s for sale. You can now buy “call blocker.” Several other ways to stay connected that relate to the telephone are cellular telephones, voice mail, answering machines, pocket pagers, mobile satellite services and portable computers. All are designed to assist you in staying connected!

The use of ‘800′ numbers also encourages customers and friends to stay in touch with us without the cost of a call.

Another way to stay connected is to invite people to breakfast! I know, everyone eats lunch and you would rather do lunch than get up that early! It has been my experience that people who are willing to get up and show up for an early breakfast are committed to having their business and relationships work! I like to be with people like that. Personally, I would rather sleep a little later and work later, however, I have found that when I plan a breakfast instead of lunch, I get more accomplished. Not only at the breakfast meeting, but also for the rest of the day. When the breakfast meeting is over, I find myself charged up and ready to get at it!

Do lunch also! Have an agenda. Get things done! If you are going to meet someone for lunch, don’t get carried away with a long, drawn- out lunch! Let them know in advance that you have an appointment at 1:15 or 1:30 p.m. Saying this puts them on notice that you are busy and that you need to get down to business. It may be that your appointment is with yourself; one that you made to support yourself in getting back to your office so you can get back to more of what needs to be done. It is not necessary to tell them who your appointment is with. This idea may help you stay on target!

Come up with ideas for people to use in their business! If you have an idea that is working for you, share it! Recommend publications they might be interested in. Share some of your connections with them. Refer them to people who can be of assistance to them. Send them copies of magazine articles that might be of interest.

Find out who networks! Stay close with those people! They may know people you need to know! If you have a need to meet someone special, make some calls and find out who knows them. When you are well connected, you can usually find out anything you want in three to five phone calls. If you doubt for a minute that this is true, be someone who actively connects and who has a plan to stay connected and prove it to yourself! Your first call may not be a direct hit; however, they may know someone who knows!

Write articles for the newspaper and magazines to inform and help others stay in touch with what you are doing. Send news releases to the media when you do something newsworthy! When you send a news release, don’t judge the newsworthiness of it. Let the newspaper do that. Many times what you think may not be very newsworthy, may be just the filler they need at the time they need it. Go to the library and read a book about how to write effective news releases. It is there you will learn the guidelines that should always be followed to get the editor’s attention!

Invent new ways to be in touch and to stay connected! Brainstorm with your friends! Make “staying connected” a topic at a sales meeting! Trade ideas about staying in touch! Exchange contacts!

Haven’t got the knack of networking. . . hire a Coach!

Visit people in their office. Get to know them one-on-one! It’s a great opportunity to see what they do. Ask them for a tour of their office if it’s appropriate. Take this opportunity to ask them to define precisely what kind of business leads they are looking for.

Stay connected by planning a “mixer” at your office. Prepare a flyer and invite fifteen to twenty friends to an informal get-together. Ask them to bring someone they would like to get to know better. Have a little wine and cheese or soft drinks and snacks. Tell them to bring lots of business cards. Let them get to know you and each other on a social level. Offer a tour of your office. One and a half to two hours is plenty.

When they arrive, ask them to deposit their business card in the fish bowl. Have a drawing. Give something away! Review the business cards the next day and follow up on the people you need to get to know better. This is also a good way to develop a mailing list!

Have name tags! I recommend the plastic business card holders. This will assist the people in your network to associate the names with the businesses!

Help them get acquainted. About a half hour into the “mixer,” ask for everyone’s attention. Offer a welcome, make a few brief remarks about your business, invite them to mix with others, exchange business cards and thank them for coming. Ask if there is anyone that has a special need to meet someone? See if you can help them make the connection!

Social connections are important. They allow you to mix business and pleasure. They let you feel comfortable with talking business in a relaxed setting.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. – Plato

Be creative when you stay connected. Always give people something with your name and phone number on it!

Stay in touch with your friends, business associates, your customers and clients and all of the people in your life that matter.

Never forget the people in your network and never let them forget you!

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. Adapted from the book, Ten Commitments of Networking: Creative Ways to Maximize Your Personal Connections! Larry James is a Professional Speaker, Author and Coach. He presents networking seminars nationally and “Networking” coaching by telephone or one-on-one. Visit Larry’s “Networking HQ” Website; articles, tips, networking books and more!

NOTE: All articles and networking tips listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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I have changed each time, reinvented myself. That is what we need to do all the time. We will, at some time, be 1.6 billion people connected. Think of the power of that possibility – Sam Pitroda

If you’ve lived in East Anglia in the last 6ish years or you’ve studied at the University of East Anglia, you will know about Connected Wednsday nights at Optic and how they are, without exception, the best club night in the region by a long, long way.

They started back in Sept 2004 when good friend and fellow promoter David (Smiley) and I decided that Norwich was missing a forward thinking urban club night (literally at this point everywhere played souful house or cheese) and we put our thoughts into action by launching in Freshers week. Entry was £1 and drinks were £2 all night. We had 600 people through the door on our first night, which any promoter will tell you is a job well done. But anyone can rent-a-crowd for a night the difficulty is in longevity, but we had near capacity or capacity nights week in week out every week.

When we were searching for local resident djs, we came across a BBC news article for a lad called Joshua Roberts who had just won an under 18s national DJ competition, judged by Tim Westwood & friends. He was 17 at the time but we thought, what the heck let’s have a chat. We did and it went well, we watched footage of his competition and a live UK Garage mix and he was faultless. Technically, very high enery and his hidden gift too we discovered was his microphone ability – he can seriously hype a crowd better than any other person I’ve worked with. Too many urban nights these days neglect good hosts btw.

Josh had the garage and club classics covered, so we turned to another friend ‘Big Shaz’ for the Hip Hop, RnB & Grime. Now, Big Shaz was a promoters dream – he had a loyal and consistent following and a detailed music bank even though he wasn’t technically gifted, he still tore the roof off those early Connected parties.

It was at this point that I made a concerted effort to learn to DJ and Smiley soon became familar with the microphone too. Shaz stayed with us for about a year until he moved away and Josh was our weekly headliner for about 3 years and only departed because his hectic schedule meant he was constantly abroad, so Smiley and I took over musical duties with the help of UK Garage legend and dear friend, ‘MC Wicked’. Over the years, other djs and hosts have been involved including most recently UK DMC Champion ‘DJ Cable’ and Ipswich’s Lexus but I can’t forget the musical efforts of Beepers, Johnbwoy, Justin, Jason, DJ@War, Brett, Dutty Menace, Sunisa and many others along the way.

We’ve also had some great guest performers at Connected events over the years including Tinchy Stryder, Skepta, JME, Jammer, Bashy, Ghetts, Devlin, DJ Semtex, DJ G Child, Aggro Santos MC Creed, MC Kie & dozens more who I cannot remember right now.

Optic Wednesdays aside, we’ve also had a few of super sell-out events at the University of East Anglia as well as a 2 year residency at Bar Mission in Yarmouth. They’ve been good, but in all honestly, they’ve not come close to Optic Wednesdays.

As they say, all good things come to an end, and the end is now. I’ve been in Norwich for 6 years now and whilst I’ve enjoyed my time in N town, I’ve moved back to London because I miss it. Connected in East Anglia is no more. I’m concentrating on Djing, giving promoting a break for a short while. I dare say I’ll be back to DJ in East Anglia soon, and I might even do some more Connected events should the right offer present itself to me.

When you look back at something you’ve done for 6 years, it’s impossible to remember to thank everyone who has helped you along the way, so I won’t even attempt it, except to thank Tom for his insight and wisdom into running club nights and to Gary for believeing in me in the early days and continuing to allow me to use the venue to do something I loved doing.

Optic is still open on Wednesday nights, and whilst I believe the music had been tailored away from the underground, the club, the people and the vibes are still rocking. Check it out.

Yet another one, nice

Most people know the feeling of being disconnected, beside yourself, all over the shop, it is like being off track on a side rail somewhere with life passing you by. Here are some simple ways to foster and re ignite your Connection in your daily life.

As you wake in the morning take a moment to step into your day consciously. Say thank you, be in appreciation, voice an affirmation with feeling – I am enough

Enjoy some time with like-minded people.

Do one thing different every day:  This signals the universe you are ready for change.

Follow your intuition or gut instinct, everyone has it, it is usually the quiet whisper or that feeling that is trying to direct you to go down a specific path. Sometimes it can be really subtle and you wonder if it’s real, “if you’re wondering about it, it is real”

Decide how you want to feel and do something that moves you in that direction, just one thing.

“You have two voices with which you speak: your MindVoice and your SoulVoice. These two voices are also — all the time — speaking to you. Which voice you listen to will determine which voice you speak with. Listen  and speak   SoulVoice. This will vastly improve your personal communications — to say nothing of your mood.

Make your last thoughts of the day self supportive and encouraging, you are going to be sleeping with them all night. Suggestions – Show me a better way.  The unlimited resources of the Divine Source are at my disposal.  Thanks for all the amazing people in my day.  Bring on the miracles.  Let me wake feeling refreshed and renewed. Show me the next step.

This is a slightly unusual blog post for me.  Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have been an avid fan of LinkedIn since early 2007.  I have over 500 connections that are real people with whom I have had some kind of business relationship.  As a business adviser I have been promoting the networking benefits of LinkedIn for a very long time, even before the LinkedIn tipping point took place. 

Now, a good friend of mine has recorded all you need to know in an eBook called LinkedIn Made Easy.  Linda Parkinson-Hardman is selling this book online for the next 30 days as an experiment to test the power of social networking.  In return she is giving away 50% of the profits to charity and giving 50% to her own social enterprise which supports women going through hysterectomies. 

I have downloaded this book, and read it with avid interest.  I have already said, I have been a LinkedIn fan for a long time, I have even participated in Linda’s online social networking course yet, even I have, learnt something I didn’t already know. 

The best bit about Linda’s book is that you can refer to it constantly.  The thing is it takes time to build your profile and even more time to develop yourpersonal brand.  This book is one that you can pick up, and work through her suggestions in your own time. 

So if you are one of those who have yet to tap into the power of the connections you have on LinkedIn, please download this book.  It is only £4.99 and your return on investment (assuming you act on her advice) will be almost immediate.  You will also be taking part in the online social networking study AND donating to some deserving charities. 

To download her book click here:  http://www.whoselinked.com

And whilst you are thinking about it … have a listen to this:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiYbGsnzG_s

Last night was an evening I really needed.

I had found The Squire online Friday afternoon and I asked his plans for the weekend, thinking we could relax, enjoy some home brew and catch up.  He responds with an invitation for dinner Saturday night.  I was up for it. 

I always like visiting The Squire.  He lives in the house he grew up in after moving here from Vermont.  His  jack-of-all-trades father  built it.  The property has been in his family for 150 years. You can see the headlight from the back porch and the beach is a short walk away.  It’s a very relaxing place to be anytime.  It has a serene quality, almost isolated.  The sky fills with stars at night.

I pick up some havarti cheese and a rack of Geary’s Hampshire Special and off I go.  WHen I arrived, The Squire’s wife and her sister were embattled in a game of Scrabble.  Actually, they had just started the game and asked me if I wanted to play. 

I love to play Scrabble.  Nothing hardcore, mind you.  I allow slang, foreign words and abbreviations, which is unheard amongst the serious Scrabble players.

Tough cookies to you.

In this game, I had to play by the rules.  Let’s say I was vowel-challenged through the game.  But it’s how you play the tiles you have in front of you, and I did alright.  But it was so much fun.

Lots of food, lots of good beer and even an electric fire (it was contained, nothing serious)…it was all good.

http://josephsreviews.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/connected/

Connected:  The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives

Authors/researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler have produced a book that is pertinent for everyone.   It contains the latest information on social networks as compiled by these two leaders in the scientific community.   Much of the material used for the book originates from Christakis’ and Fowler’s own extensive social sciences research.

The book provides the reader with an overview of human (social) networking and the various forms it takes.   There are excellent examples with cross references to related published works, and quotes by notable recognized experts in a wide variety of areas such as public health, sociology and philosophy.   Each facet of life that may be directly and indirectly influenced by persons to whom one is connected is explained by the authors through scenarios, historic examples and illustrations.   The most easily identified example is the “six degrees of separation” principle, as in six degrees of human separation from Kevin Bacon.

One notable element of the authors’ heavily academic writing style is the frequent reference to other chapters where a principle or theory is discussed from a slightly different perspective.   These references might be useful for a reader who is using this book for academic or personal study reasons.   For this reader, the cross references served as a distraction and were detrimental to a cohesive flow of information.

Recommended, with reservations.

Review by Ruta Arellano

On to the next challenge…..

Get a Life

I never thought I’d be using that phrase on myself but, at the point in time, it applies to me.  It’s been an on-going struggle for me since my separation in ‘07.

WHO AM I?

My friend, The Squire, told me at the beginning of the summer that I had an opportunity.  Since he’s known me, he believed that I didn’t know who I was.  I wasn’t sure of what he meant and that bothered me.  I could identify myself as a son, a father, a brother, an ex-husband and ex-boyfriend.  I am a December baby, Baby Boomer, potentially somebody’s baby and a child of the Seventies.  I  identify myself as a lover of music, golf, good beer and barbeque, good sex, long road trips, long beach walks, country fairs and oxen pulls.  I am other things, but does that mean I know WHO I am.

When I was married, I found my identity as part of a marriage and the head of a family.  When I was seeing My Love, I was her partner.  Currently, I am a employee of the Big City Hospital, member of my church and Red Sox Nation.

But is all of that WHO I AM?

Here lies the challenge:  find out who I am.  It’s a good subject to bring into therapy.  I believe it’s the missing piece of the puzzle.  By discovering who I am, I can move forward and live my life.  I know it’s not an instant fix, that it will take hard work and reflection.  It means asking myself alot of questions.  Some of them will be difficult and challenging.

All I want is to be happy.  Doesn’t everyone want to be happy?

I have been a bad boy.

After posting yesterday, I checked my email and discovered a response from My Love.  I got the full lowdown on her reasons behind the breakup.  We are both at fault, but she is blaming herself.

Yes, one of the issues was money and we both took ownership of that.  But she was frustrated about where I was in my life.  She has been concerned that I am wasting my natural talents.  She was hoping that I could move myself along and go forward in my life.  She was hoping that I could get myself out of the rut I was in, but that wasn’t possible.  She decided that we break off our relationship rather than become a nag.

Since my divorce, I have been subconsciously ignoring my adult responsiblities and move forward.  I have been afraid to do that because I am afraid of success.  I use all sorts of excuses:  I don’t know what I want, this doesn’t intrest me, I don’t have the money to go back to school.  I can easily retort with reasons why I should make life changes.  I never have enough money to do what I want, or to cover emergencies.  I constantly worry about if there’s enough or if I have to rob Peter to pay Paul.  I just need to take a leap of faith and start exploring possiblities.

But it bothers me that I was so cold towards My Love.  I have just as much to do with all this as she does.  I need to take responsiblity for my stuff.

We exchanged emails last night and have it sorted out.  But it makes me wonder where we would be if it weren’t for money issues or career goals.  We agreed that we wanted to exchange emails now and again.  She still is an important part of my life.

Let’s see where the future will take us.

Working from home…

modern communication - after the internet

Download the free illustration here

Connected Collection Boxes
Dance Base

The Background

We were approached by Dance Base to create a collection box for their architecturally designed building on the Grassmarket in Edinburgh. As a group we recognised that to simply place a large collection box in the middle of the front foyer would be insensitive, unrewarding and simply not work.

As well as the obvious use of a collection box, which is to collect donations, the Dance Base team wanted to raise the awareness to their customers of the fact that they were actually a charity. They are dependant on grants and funding to function day to day and manage a range of outreach programs for children from disadvantaged backgrounds.

This began a program of activities and design exercises to help the design team understand the environment, the people and the design challenges.

The Approach

We were designing a product to be used by people of all ages and backgrounds brought together in one place by dance. In order to understand the people, the tutors, the infrastructure, and the environment better we enrolled in a dance class. The class we enrolled in was called an Alexander Technique class.

Being part of this class not only showed us the variety of people that attended the one class but also allowed the participants and tutors get used to us. We were new comers into their environment. This helped to break down any barriers which allowed us to communicate with them more effectively.

To get a deeper understanding of Dance Base we asked several of the employees if they would each create a 3 minute film showing their ‘perceptions of Dance Base’. We called this exercise a ‘Video Probe’. This helped us in gaining greater insights and design inspiration.

We took what we learned in the Alexander Technique class and the Video Probes and applied it to a workshop held with board members, staff and customers of Dance Base. We wanted to approach the workshop from their level, to incorporate things familiar to them, not to intimidate them with our initial design concepts.

One of the elements we recognised as designers was the use of the space by various user groups. Professional dancers, drop in classes, children interested in street dance, children interested in ballet, ballroom dancers, administration staff, and the board of directors. We wanted to create an object that connected the ‘space’ with the various interconnecting people.

This began an exploration of ‘connected objects’. The objects investigated connecting the people through a dance studio radio, twitter, flickr and youtube. Although interesting objects in their own right, upon review they were not suitable for the dance base. There was still a strong desire to ensure a financial element to the final design; the collection boxes provided this.

The Outcome

The Connected Collection Boxes are essentially self-service communication terminals. They provide feedback through sound to the consumer directly; giving them an instant reward for their donation. Importantly they also communicate to a wider audience as inserting money in one device triggers a reaction from the rest that are placed throughout the building.

This reaction can be modified to suit a particular environment, a particular event or marketing strategy. One of the key reasons for the whole project was to raise the awareness to customers of the fact that Dance Base was a charity. This had to be done in a sensitive and considered way.

The sounds selected are important as they provide an instant reward to the user which in turn encourages re-use of the product. The greater the reward, the more frequent use, the more frequent use the more money collected.

Three objects have been created initially; the aim is to expand on this. Having three objects allows the objects to have 3 distinct ‘personalities’. The sounds projected from the devices can be for example, informative, cheeky or gratifying in content and female, male or computerized in delivery. By giving the devices a personality the aim is to promote the feeling of trust, encourage repeat use and ensure an unexpected but rewarding experience for donating money.

The objects have been designed to be distinctly different from any other collection boxes that are routinely ignored on counter tops around the country. There is a certain ambiguity about the form. This is deliberate. The aim is to create an initial interest in the object that will attract potential donators. Once the initial interest has been captured then there should be no confusion of how to use the device. There is a large area on the top of the device for instruction and branding. The money slot is prominent, protruding toward to user; this clearly indicates where money should be inserted.

The Impact

The Connected Collection Boxes are to be placed at locations within Dance Base. A series of studies will be held to asses the impact in terms of amount of funds raised and if the devices have increased the awareness with in the community of the fact Dance Base is a charity.

The methods used to understand the impact of the designed object with in the environment will be developed in conjunction with the Dance Base team but will be transferable to different sites, charitable bodies and industry. Understanding how to measure the impact of an object within a community is an important factor of the research element of this project. The insights gained through the partnership with Dance Base will help in the understanding of the consumer experience of other self-service objects and how the designer can impact that experience.

Connected Collection Boxes

• Why – the hell –  am I connected? •

Nowadays, it’s rare – almost impossible – to find someone who has never be in contact with an online social network. Some people are member of one network and don’t spend a lot of time connected, others spend a big part of their life on one of more networks, switching from one virtual identity to another. Some people first create an account “just to see what is was about”, other would pinpoint the advantage these kind of network bring them, some other will use them for professional reason, and other will maybe admit they just wanted to do like everybody.

… But in the end why do we (almost) all feel the need of being a part of these parallel lives, these virtual worlds?

The first social networks were first of all means to be connected to other people, to be able to interact with them. Users use it nowadays to share information about themselve, and to gather private (transformed as public) information about the other.

The first aim of the social network Facebook for instance was to help people to find old, almost forgotten friends… but who uses it today mainly to find other people? Online, a lot of users seem to forget the concept of intimacy… Do they (do we) still feel a need of intimacy, respect of private life?

It has been calculated that Facebook users are connected on average during 20 min a day. We spend 2h20 a week to look at pictures, posts, comment, groups, status of people we often barely know! What for if not just to discover and collect information about people…?

Are social network today something else than a way to meet a need of exhibitionism and/or voyeurism?

“Internet : new heaven of voyeurism”

Me and my brother..no pond just a hose!

I remember clearly one day when we were kids…we had some new neighbours who had only just arrived in New Zealand from the Pacific..As new migrants I guess it took a little time to understand and make the change, that they were now in a very mixed New Zealand setting instead of the one back in their own home land.

 Anyway, we were coming home from our usual Sunday with family at my Grandmothers, as we were driving down our street into our drive we noticed the new neighbours were out on the street riding bikes..not just any bikes..they were mine and my brothers bikes!!…Im not too sure what had happened previously but it would seem that this was quite an ok thing to do from where they had come from, and after a short rather awkward conversation..the bikes were happily returned.

A few weeks later..I remember being at the window of our kitchen washing the dishes, and I saw one of our new neighbours walking past on the street. He was dressed rather dapper, in some very trendy looking houndstooth check pants..the only reason I recognised them..was because they were my brothers..as was the shirt he was wearing..I remember yelling out to my brother..hey man..the bloody neighbours have got you clothes on..which explained why they had gone missing from the line a few days earlier….once again it was a short conversation about how we actually dont do that here..and the clothes were happily returned.

This incident was not so much malice, as much as it was just a learning that whats your is not always whats mine and making that transition when in a new country. We laugh about it now..and laughed about it at the time, and it was not only a lesson in different values, but also one where despite the fact these things had transpired, we were neighbours and had to live together so we had to try and make it work..Sounds a bit like a bad marriage!!

Neighbours, family ..we have little choice as to who we are born into and who we live next to. I heard someone say once..though I could have just said I made it up…”friends are the family we choose”..Friends and people in our inner circle, are the people who we consciously choosen to be in our lives for a whole raft of reasons. When your young, your friends are many and the pack seems to rule the day especially for those of us that stand for number ones.

As life goes on your friends diminish, and then one day you find from the pack, to the team, to the small hand full to the number you can count on one hand; your friends are the faithful few. For my own reasons life is equated a lot along the lines of  game of rugby, though that game could just about be anything. I wonder sometimes when the final whistle blows for me, how many will be in the stands cheering and clapping or sad at my departure…hopefully my kids and my grand kids, a few friends ; a significant other.

I remember working as an orderly a year out from University studies, and me and another orderly used to visit this old woman who was struck with a stroke..hardly anyone visited her or spoke with her..and it was our job to move her in the mornings and in the evenings..such was the vulnerability I sensed in her eyes, despite her body unable to move…I felt the need to forge a relationship with her that lasted the year I worked there. I always wondered where was her family and significant people she was connected to. We would sit with her and talk, and she would endeavour to acknowledge our being ther, quietly eating our lunch as we would talk about family friends, and life outside the hospital walls.

I guess today ,I am asking myself why certain people are in my world and why others arent. It’s important I think to acknowledge the people who are in your inner circle , and to let them know why they are there and what makes them special. To question the health of that relationship, what it contributes, or detracts and if it is a negative in your life ….what the hell they are doing there in the first place? If it is a positive, how can I nourish and service this relationship to keep it healthy and vibrant.

Making conscious decisions around this can bring change that is far-reaching, and adding and removing people from your inner circle also build ones own sense of personal power, and growth. Power is a funny word, and it really is only used here in a context where it’s about what we allow and what we dont through our personal gates.

People pop in and out of our busy lives, some for a long time, some for a short time and some you wished the stay was

Oi..what are you doing in my Pond?

longer.Others you wished there stay was very brief. I guess the puzzle is, when you have people who continuously treat you badly and yet you keep them in your inner circle.. Or..those that love you and treat you with kindness that you keep out.  That just begs the question..as to WHY? We must learn to be a friend to oursleves and love ourselves, if we are ever to  be a friend or love another. A friend from another blog, that I read most days called “enriched living” asked me this question just last week..” who’s been swimming in your pond? “ …and  I think thats a good question to ask from time to time…! So I did!

Alright this is web 2.0 and i’m fully engulfed with it, if you are on the same sheet of music as I then i’m sure you’ll be interested in connecting with me on these other platforms.

Twitter
Facebook
Myspace
Youtube

If you add me as a friend I will automatically add you back, fellow infowarriors and readers a like let’s join in rebellion, share information, and revel in glory !

It may seem as though, with cell phones, CNN, FaceBook, MySpace and Twitter that we are more connected than we ever were.  But, we are really just more connected with a small group of people and less connected with our own world.

It always makes me feel sad to be in a restaurant and see a parent spending quality time with their child by spending the whole meal, talking on the cell phone while their child sits there alone, eating their own lunch with no one to talk to. 

People, if you are going to take your child to lunch, I do not care if they are five or twenty-five, turn the phone off and get to know them.  You can return the call when the meal is over, but you only have a short time to connect with your child.  You cannot go home and yell at them for something you feel they should not have done, if you cannot take time to get to know who they are.

I shall step down off my soapbox now and get back to updating my website. 

Thank you!

It has been brought to my attention that I am making slow and steady progress.

Really?

This is a “can’t see the forest for the trees” moment.  As much as others believe I’m making progress, I am having a difficult time seeing it.  I recognize I am slowly emerging from my “shell”, enjoying lost pleasures now that My Love and I are no longer together.  I am enjoying afternoons at the movies, playing rock n roll on the stereo while cleaning my apartment (it’s the music I enjoy, not the cleaning), and other stuff I can’t think of at the moment.  But is that progress?  Should it take so long to heal?  How long will it be before the pain goes away?  I am getting to the point where I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, that I’m trying too hard to break free and do something different, but all I do is slip backward.

I am attempting to manage my emotions when I think of My Love.  Sometimes successfully, other times not.  But she is tough.  She has hung on longer than any former girlfriend in my life, in that I cannot shake the thought of her.  I don’t want to let go.  As much as I want to move forward, I recognize that she has helped me reinvent myself, so to speak.  There are unanswered questions.  Such as…

WHY?  Why couldn’t she talk about her issues with me?  We have there for each other all along, why stop there?

WHY?  Why could she just walk away?  Did she fall out of love with me?  Did she not want me in your life?

WHY?  Why does it seem so easy for her to walk away? 

These questions may never be answered.  They may be answered only when the time is right .  Here’s another that I need to consider:

WHY?  Why have I hung on so long?  Why can’t I forget her?  Why won’t I let it go and get on with my life?

It’s not because I enjoy feeling this way.  It’s not that I am trying to be a martyr, suffering in my self pity.  I am not taking pity upon myself, allowing my emotions to get in the way of  living my life.  At least not outwardly and not as intensely as three months ago.  I recognize that the end of my relationship with My Love didn’t end in a conventional manner.  The only issue that was familiar was that she broke it off.  I have ended up on the short end of all relationships with women. 

I guess I’m just lucky, he says with tongue planted firmly in cheek. This time, it was old boyfriends and ex-husbands that did me in.

Photograph I took of the band Henparty in this month’s Connected Magazine.

http://www.myspace.com/henparty

Click here to see large version

“We resemble two black spar value bin liners more. Eye of the beholder stuff” -Someone: Hen Party

But Henparty, the band, do not incite the same divides. If you like pop music you can jump around like a loon to, you’re welcome to the Henparty party. Woody Harrelson’s 1982 mug shot greets visitors to www.myspace.com/henparty, an inconspicuous choice you might think. He is a handsome man after all.  But knowing that the mug shot is the result of an incident concerning Harrelson’s drunken dancing in the street (no lie), reveals some part of what Henparty are all about. Packing more mystery into an interview than Scooby Doo manages to stuff in the Mystery Machine, future pop stars Henparty chat with Connected – leaving us more confused, yet more intrigued than ever.

From the outset the band cite their influences as, ‘Dutch post-punk combo The Sit, The Clean, Tall Dwarfs, Halo Benders, Guided by Voices and Beat Happening’. Henparty are adamant they make ‘pop music, and no mistake’. Their MySpace hosts no actual pictures of the band, unless the band is comprised of two chickens, two bin bags, Ross Kemp, Danielle Westbrook, Steve McFadden and a bear. We can only dream. According to group, the band is comprised of ‘Omar Plastic and Bear McFlurry’. So there really is a bear at least.

The duo say they look like Woody Harrelson ‘only during the month of October’. “We resemble two black spar value bin liners more. Eye of the beholder stuff, y’know?”
Questioned on where they’re from, the band try to explain. “It’s hard to say. We’re definitely not from the north of south, anyway. It’s an east-west deal.”

Galactic City Heard and Mc Donald Islands are cited as their hometowns. But the trees are not made of chips on Mc Donald Islands as you might expect: “It’s barren. Zero nutrition and it’s full of thousands of teenagers in tracksuits being dicks. The band got together on ‘one hot sticky drunken night’ in 2009. But they insist they ‘can’t really get into it here’.
.

Being of 2009, Henparty embrace technology when it comes to song writing: “We take a cut and paste attitude towards making our music.” Literally it seems: “We use e-mail, which we feel is underused on the modern music scene.” A live Henparty gig can get a bit rowdy: “It gets pretty full on. Very cathartic. If it’s been a bad week, we’ll just beat the hell out of each other for 35 minutes and leave any music to chance.”

The bottom line is, if you like ‘blob-rock guitar chops and electrifying ride cymbal work’, and you know what that is, you might dig Henparty. Omar Plastic and Bear McFlurry requested it is noted that no animals were hurt during the creation of the band. Catch them while they still look like Woody Harrelson. Hen Party tracks are available to download from www.myspace.com/henparty

(editors note: youtube hen party.. I feel violated)

Words: Amanda Kavanagh

]]> http://megawfa79.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/418/ Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:37:24 +0000 megawfa79 http://megawfa79.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/418/

I am not used to going out by myself.  As much as I want to get out and do things, doing them alone doesn’t sound appealing.  At least not at this point in my life.  I don’t mind traveling alone.  I can go where I want and see what I want without consulting my companion.  If I want to linger in a bookshop, or make a spontaneous stop, then I can.  But there are some things that I want to share with another person.

Last night, I went to the theater and saw a great production of “The Gin Game”.  It was a “pay what you can” night and I had a fiver in my pocket.  What’s great about going to the theater alone is that I got primo seats – second row center.  Great view and I could hear everything, which is a bonus for me with my hearing loss.   I sat in between two old ladies.  I knew when I bought the ticket there would be a chance that, as a single, I’d be stuck between two couples.  I enjoyed myself very much, but it was an odd situation.  Odd in the sense I’m not used to going to the theater alone.  It’s one thing to go to a hockey or baseball game.  Those were things My Love didn’t particularly enjoy.  But she did love the theater.  I almost expected to see her with a date, but I didn’t (thankfully).  I know that getting out alone will get easier over time.

The night before I didn’t sleep well.  It was one of those nights where I felt like to was perpetually tossing and turning, never really getting comfortable in one space.  I woke up first around 1am, then around 4.  It was after waking up the second time that I had a strange dream involving My Love.  I had come home and found three men waiting for her.  They were all blonde and better looking than myself.  She never appeared in the dream and I’m not sure what it meant, but it  wasn’t the type of dream that would like repeated.  I felt very uncomfortable when I awoke.  That set the tone for Tuesday.

I’m not certain why I had a dream like that.  Maybe it had to do with a story outline I was developing.  I’ve decided to try my hand at writing a short story.  On the wall near my bed, I have a print of “The Singing Butler” by Jack Vettriano.  You may have seen it. 

The print, not my bedroom.

It’s a couple in evening wear, dancing on the beach at low tide.  There are two servants standing by, holding umbrellas.  My Love gave it to me because it was a favorite of mine, as well as hers.  I was looking at the print while lying on the bed, and began to wonder about the story behind the painting.  I began to think about possible plots, how these two people came together, and why were the servants standing by.  I wrote down everything that came into my head.  Things like possible scenarios or character sketches. And I starting thinking about My Love.  I thought of her, not because she gave me the print, but because I was looking at the woman in the print.  This woman had wonderful curves, just like My Love.  My Love wanted to dance, wanted us to learn to ballroom dance.  She loves ballet dancers.   She said she wasn’t graceful despite loving the dancers.  I saw something different in her. She has amazing grace.  I can see it when she walks and how she gestures.  She has a unique sense of style I could see her dancing with a carefree attitude.  She would often catch me watching her and would want to know why I was watching.  I could see the grace in her, even if she saw herself as  clumsy.  She is a beautiful swan, not an ugly duckling.

I looked at the print and saw My Love and I dancing, oblivious to the people close at hand, caught up in each other like we were the only two people there.  Maybe that effected my brain before I went to sleep.  Maybe it affected the content of the dream is beyond me, but I can’t see how.  Please don’t play Freud and offer your analysis.

Nobody said I would forget here all at once.  But when I do think of her,  I become confused and discombobulated, quite rattled and nervous.  I try to keep busy and get my mind off her, but I can’t stop thinking about her.  I don’t understand what’s happening.  One minute I am collected and focused in the present.  That can last a couple of days.  But then I’ll have a passing thought triggered by anything, and I turn to jelly.  Last night, as I lay in bed, I prayed and asked God what was happening to me.

Maybe it’s not the time to understand all of this.  I wish it would pass soon.  I understand things take time.  It’ll take time to get used to this new segment of my life. 

She’s been back to read some more.  She confessed that she’s not sure why, but she thinks it has something to do with her own issues.  I do know this:  there is one post she has not read.

And I think she knows which one.

This one’s been rolling around in my brain for most of the weekend.  It’s one of those philosophical questions that reach out and slap you in the face from time to time.  This one comes from a John Grisham novel called “Playing For Pizza”.  More on the plot, but here’s the question:

What am I doing here?

The story concerns a washed-up third-string NFL quarterback, who’s only option is to play in the professional league in Italy.  His world has been completely turned upside-down.  In the process, he begins to learn what life is all about through Italian eyes.  He learns how to live well.

I finished the book in a few hours on Monday and walked away finding something I didn’t expect to find.  I found myself mirroring the main character, and asking myself the same question:

What am I doing here?

My love had sent me a response to some of the posts I had written in these pages.  One of the discoveries she made that we were “very good together but frighteningly stuck”.  What does that mean?  Did it mean our relationship wasn’t progressing the way she hoped?  Did it mean I wasn’t progressing the way she hoped, or was she more concerned about her role?  If we were that good together, it would be a step forward to bring this issue to the table and discuss it as a couple.

My guess is that she was waiting for the shoe to drop.  She had been married twice.  They were short courtships and quick weddings.  Without going into details, both of her ex-’s betrayed her trust and hurt her deeply.  We had two blips on the radar within the context of our relationship.  While most relationships would take the experiences and learn from them, we separated for brief periods.  It’s my guess she did that as a way to reassess the relationship.  They were tow painful periods in our relationship.

Frighteningly stuck?  Can a relationship have those times when it’s necessary to just “be” – taking time and recharging your emotional batteries?  Were we “stuck” in the sense that we weren’t progressing and a couple or as individuals?  Those are valid questions and could very well be applied to My Love and I.

Can you get unstuck?  Is it possible to step back, see the realtiohnshiip for what it is, and make the necessary changes to make the relationshiip vital and interesting?

All questions to be answered at a later time.

To say that I fell in love literally overnight would be a vast understatement.  I’ve been smitten on The Foreign Exchange since the day I heard “Nic’s Groove” off their first album Connected.  Who are they?  A hip hop duo consisting of Phonte (of Little Brother) and Dutch producer extraordinaire, Nicolay.  Their music is a fusion of hip hop, neo-soul, downtempo, and R&B.  They kind of grab your heart, lovingly poke at the bruised parts for a while and then kiss it all over and inject it with sunshine before they put it back in your body… which is now left with something resembling a post orgasmic high.  They leave you wanting more.

If you quickly become an addict like myself, between both artists there is plenty of music to satisfy.  Together they’ve released two albums, the most recent being, Leave It All Behind.  (Both are also available as instrumentals)  Nicolay has four solo albums including City Lights Volumes 1.5 and 2.0, and in 2008 he teamed up with Dallas rapper Kay (of The Foundation) on Time:Line.  And of course, be sure to check out Phonte’s roots with Little Brother.

View two of The Foreign Exchange’s music videos below.  “House of Cards” featuring Muhsinah and “I Wanna Know”, both directed by Matt Koza.  Next, sample The Foreign Exchange and other dope artists such as J-Dilla and Pete Rock on Pandora.  You will not be disappointed.  Unless you’re into auto-tune.